OK ALREADY LENO! Light it up will ya?
SHEESH! Ed McMann you ain’t never gonna be! There’s enough intro in that banner for 6 issues!
I know NBC is giving you the axe for expressing yourself like I do, straight up and straight out, but like I told you, I’m not dumping Impish and making you second banana around here. I wont do that to my buddy (besides the SoL [Son of a Lizard] owns 51% of the venture stock).
YES! I’ll call you IF I need a guest host at some point. YES I KNOW that’s how you wound up with Johnny’s job. Look! I’m a wee bit busy here and pressed for time, do you REALLY want me to call for security with all them Paparazzi outside looking for a photo op? Back way out so you can avoid them? Why sure Leno I understand completely! I’m not a TOTALLY heartless guy after all- that would make me Trump!
Here just take this elevator to Level 6 and look for the really big guy with the glowing eyes. How will you know which guy with glowing eyes? Well aside from being the ONLY one, he’s wearing armor that looks like 1/2 a tree and carrying a huge horn. Tell him I said you were there to help exercise the dogs. What’s that got to do with a back way out that nobody will see? Trust me nobody will ever see you leaving Level 6!
Ahem…Sorry bout that folks. The problem with being a Concierge to the Rich Famous and Powerful is most days I’m lucky to get them to take my calls but when they suddenly need something REALY BAD and are DESPERATE they will not leave me alone! Since getting rid of Leno (permanently) ate up so much time lets just get right to it shall we?
FRIDAY! Call those Executives at NBC and tell them I expect a messenger with their check for the agreed upon amount by close of business, unless they’d like to come negotiate with me too!
Yes my Master!
Two bears were sitting at the side of the Potomac river near DC .
The smaller bear turned to the bigger one and said, ‘I can’t understand how you can be so much bigger than me. We’re the same age; we were the same size as cubs. I just don’t get it.’
‘Well,’ said the big Bear, ‘what have you been eating?’
‘Politicians, same as you,’ replied the small Bear.
‘Hmm. Well, where do you catch them?’
‘Down near the parking garage over by the Congressional Buildings.’
‘Same here. Hmm. How do you catch them?’
‘Well, I hide under one of their Lexus cars and wait for one to unlock the car door. Then I jump out, grab them by the leg, shake the shit out of them and eat ’em!’
‘Ah!’ says the big Bear, ‘I think I see your problem. You’re not getting any real nourishment. See, by the time you finish shaking the shit out of a Politician, there’s nothing left but an asshole and a briefcase.’
After all- Impish seems to do it ALL the time!
Wait! I think I hear a bus coming now!
The very powerful & very stupid have one thing in common [besides rabid unreasoning liberalism- LL]. They don’t alter their views to fit the facts. They alter the facts to fit their views. Which can be uncomfortable if you happen to be one of the facts that needs altering!
Dragon vs. Leprechaun —
Impish Dragon & Lethal Leprechaun entered a chocolate store. As they were busy looking, Impish stole 3 chocolate bars.
As they left the store, Impish said to Lethal, “Man I’m the best thief, I stole 3 chocolate bars and no one saw me. You can’t beat that.”
Lethal replied: “You want to see something better? Let’s go back to the shop and I’ll show you real bloody thieving.”
So they went to the counter and Lethal said to the shopkeeper, “Do you want to see magic?”
The shopkeeper replied, “Yes.”
Lethal said, “Give me one chocolate bar.” The shopkeeper gave him one, and he ate it.
Lethal asked for a second bar, and he ate that as well. He asked for the third, and finished that one too.
The shopkeeper asked: “But where’s the magic?”
Lethal replied: “Check in my friend’s pocket, and you’ll find all three bars of chocolate.”
You just CAN’T beat a Leprechaun………..
Huh! Apparently Leno is a little perturbed with me. I can’t understand why, I DID tell the Eryl King to take it easy on him, I mean how many other people can say they survived taking Hell Hounds of the Wyld Hunt for a “walk”? CELEBRITIES! Go figure!
If you receive any email messages claiming that you are a winner in any Facebook lottery, please note that this is scam. Facebook is currently not promoting any lottery games and will only do so on their website at Facebook.com. I am tired of all these email lottery scams and want people to know that they should never reply to any email messages asking for personal information.
Here is a copy of the “Facebook Lottery Scam” email:
Facebook Online International Lottery
From: The Desk Of the President.
International Promotions / Prize Award.
Greetings to you Dear lucky winner. We are pleased to inform you of the result of the just concluded annual final draws held on the 12th of March 2013 by Facebook group in cash promotion to encourage the usage of Facebook worldwide. Your name was among the 20 lucky winners who won $950.000.00USD (Nine hundred and Fifty Thousand United State Dollars) each on the Facebook group promotion award attached to Lucky Number (FB-225-7736), Ticket Number (FB-172-60), Batch Number (FB-0281/544) and Serial Number (99352748-2013).
The online draws was conducted by a random selection of emails you were picked by an advanced automated random computer search from the Facebook in other to claim your $950.000.00usd the lottery program which is a new innovation by Facebook, is aimed at saying a big thank you to all our users for making Facebook their number one means to connect, communicate, relate and hook up with their families and friends over the years.
This is part of our security protocol to avoid double claiming and unwarranted abuse of this program by some participants and scam artists all participants were selected through a computer ballot system drawn from over 20,000 companies and 30,000,000 individuals email addresses from all over the world. This promotional program takes place every three years. You may be rest assured that this is real and legal. There are some scam artists around but thanks to the FBI, 216 of them have been arrested.
You are required to contact the head of our disbursement department in the person of Mr. Lincoln Howard via this email address (firstname.lastname@example.org) with information below for the complete processing of your Winning certificate and further information regarding the disbursement of your lottery winnings.
Country of Residence:
Your Email Address:
Furthermore, if there is any change in email addresses please contact us on time. Do not reply to this email, Contact the disbursement department with the email provided above.
Note: if you are not interested please do not bother to reply.
Thanks and more Congratulations!
Mr. Wright Jones
Ask yourself, why would Facebook use a Gmail account instead of one of their own e-mail accounts like email@example.com? The answer is, they wouldn’t. The above mentioned e-mail message is a scam and the scammers created the fake Gmail e-mail address for the victims to send their personal information.
If you asked to send personal information to any of the free e-mail service providers like Hotmail, Yahoo, Gmail or others, please do not. Anyone can create an e-mail account at these free e-mail providers and use it for malicious purposes.
If you have some deep abiding desire to empty your bank account(s) for no personal gain PLEASE by ALL MEANS contact Impish or I and we will happily assist you in transferring your liquid assets to us. Rest assured that you will have our profound gratitude in perpetuity for this act of largess.
You think THAT is bad? Impish met a girl on one those ‘dating sites’ and rushed off to meet her for a romantic first date on the beach.
I finally located him the following day hiding under his bed curled up in a fetal position (neither of those things being no mean feat for a Dragon) and whimpering.
When I asked him what was wrong and how is date went he just whimpered louder and push his phone out from under the bed after selecting this photo as an apparent explanation:
He’s currently on a recovery regime of Double Stuff Oreos, Whiskey & intensive Psycho-therapy and is expected to make a full recovery hopefully in time for Saturday’s issue.
Man’s brain fluid leaks out his nose
Runny nose thought to be caused by allergies
Published On: May 08 2013 07:45:28 AM CDT Updated On: May 08 2013 11:26:40 AM CDT
What was thought to be year-round allergies actually turned out to be a rare medical problem for one man.
Joe Nagy’s nose continued to run everyday for more than 18 months. After trying allergy medicines to fix the constant nasal drip, the Arizona native finally went to a specialist who tested the fluid that was dripping out of his nose and determined it was actually brain fluid, Fox 10 reported. The membrane surrounding Nagy’s brain had a hole in it, causing the brain fluid to leak.
Nagy was prepared to have brain surgery to fix the leak, but developed meningitis, which caused the fluid to become infected. The infection eventually cleared up and Nagy was able to have the surgery, which involves “gluing” the hole shut using a surgical needle.
Whoa! Impish buddy! All this time here I was thinking you were either an Inbred Imbecilic Moron loosed on humanity as a joke by Dragon kind or a Post TBI patient with no hope of a full recovery and I was trying to protect you from yourself and all the nasty people who would take advantage of you.
Now after all this time it turns out you might just be low on brain oil ‘cause you have a leak in your brain pan! My Bad Dude! I had NO IDEA you were sniffing glue for a legitimate reason!
Why yes, yes we do- Liberals, Political Fools, Oppressive Government, barely literate entitlement minded Youths and a crushing National Debt all are made here.
You just got to love the Brits.
A devout Arab Muslim entered a black cab in London. He curtly asked the cabbie to turn off the radio because as decreed by his religious teaching, he must not listen to music because in the time of the prophet there was no music, especially Western music which is the music of the infidel.
The cab driver politely switched off the radio, stopped the cab and opened the door.
The Arab Muslim asked him, “What are you doing? ”
The cabbie answered, “In the time of the prophet there were no taxis, so f&&k off and wait for a camel!”
Three things this joke makes
graphically clear to me:
1.) Muslim arrogance and determination to oppress the world.
They will stop at nothing to force themselves and their beliefs on anyone give the least opportunity. You and your beliefs/rights are of no concern to them, theirs will take precedent. Fail to see it their way and they resort to terrorism like a spoiled 3 year old resorts to a tantrum.
2.) This clearly demonstrates the biggest problem with Islam is its insistence on living and dwelling in the past and that their fight is with anyone/thing that is progressive.
Unless of course it helps to make them more efficient at terrorism and oppression THAT progression they readily embrace and claim it Allah’s will. Here I thought Catholicism was the Religion of Hypocrisy and Ruthless Oppression! Seems like they’ve fallen to the #2 spot there as well!
3.) The Brits obviously have a much better idea than we do regarding how to deal with their Muslim infestation.
We should stop being to be so liberal touchy-feely politically correct when it comes to ethnic groups that demand we change our country to suit them. Instead we need to apply the “This is America- Love It -Accept It – Live It ‘s Principles – Become a Citizen or Be Forcibly Deported Back the the Third World Toilet You Came From” philosophy before the IS NO American any longer.
The only people who are not for immigration reforms are (illegal) immigrants & the legal families of (illegal) immigrants who co-incidentally are all liberals because they want our gravy train to continue paying for their life. Any one having to foot the bill for them and capable of objectively seeing what they are attempting to do to America certainly wants the reforms!