Dragon Laffs #1314


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Good Morning Campers.  Due to an unexpected computer outage for me this week, my opening statements will be given over to dropping you right into the firefight.  Please join the me in the battle against the world’s bull shit with laughter!!!

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7cOr the header for a party or great summer picnic!!

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A young cowboy from Texas goes off to college.
                Half way through the semester, having foolishly
                squandered all his money …. he calls home.

                “Dad,” he says, “You won’t believe what modern education
                is developing! They actually have a program here in Missoula
                that will teach our dog, Ole’ Blue how to talk!”

                “That’s amazing,” his Dad says. “How do I get Ole’ Blue
                in that program?”

                “Just send him down here with $1,000” the young cowboy says
                “and I’ll get him in the course.”

                So, his father sends the dog and $1,000.

                About two-thirds of the way through the semester,
                the money again runs out. The boy ca lls home.

                “So how’s Ole’ Blue doing son?” his father asks.

                “Awesome, Dad, he’s talking up a storm,” he says, “but you
                just won’t believe this — they’ve had such good results
                they have started to teach the animals how to read!”

                “Read!?” says his father, “No kidding! How do we get Blue
                in that program?”

                “Just send $2,500, I’ll get him in the class.”
                The money promptly arrives. But our hero has a problem.

                At the end of the year, his father will find out the dog
                can neither talk, nor read.

                So he shoots the dog.

                When he arrives home at the end of the year, his father
                is all excited.

                “Where’s Ole’ Blue? I just can’t wait to see him read
                something and talk!”

                “Dad,” the boy says, “I have some grim news. Yesterday
                morning, just before we left to drive home, Ole’ Blue was
                in the living room, kicked back in the recliner, reading
                the Wall Street Journal, like he usually does”.

                “Then Ole’ Blue turned to me and asked, so, is your daddy
                still messing around with that little redhead who lives
                down the street?”

                The father went white and exclaimed, “I hope you shot
                that s.o.b before he talks to your Mother!”

                “I sure did, Dad!”

                “That’s my boy!”

                The kid went on to law school, and now serves in
                Washington D.C. as a Congressman.

I have finally found the purely logical, scientific explanation for my condition that our
dear Leprechaun seems to like to comment on so often:

395

And there ain’t nobody hotter than a dragon!  I’m sure many
of you wonderful female campers could attest to that!

A New York man has landed a job by using a candy bar as
part of his resume. When he told his family about his plan,
at first they just snickered.
7

Dragon-Pic_thumb_thumb_thumb
d2013021701Scientific proof that dragons are products of reverse evolution.  
Allow me to explain; if you believe in the theory of evolution, which we will NOT
get into here, then you know that fish →reptile→mammal/higher animal.
Where the picture above shows higher animal (bird)→reptile→dragon.  And here’s
the “cro-magnon” picture of the proof.
You believe that, right?

Mini Dragon Rant
This is just horrible!  Read more and find out what exactly I’m talking about…
6b

Kim Jung Un
Kim

Jung Un had NO military experience whatsoever before Daddy made him a
four-star general. This snot-nosed twerp had never accomplished anything in his life that would even come close to military leadership. He hadn’t even so much as led a Cub Scout troop, coached a sports team, or commanded a military platoon. So he is made the “Beloved Leader” Of North Korea.

Terrific!

Oh Crap!
6cI’m sorry.

I just remembered that we did the same thing.

We took an arrogant bastard community organizer, who had never worn a uniform and made him Commander-in-Chief.  A guy who had never had a real job, worked on a budget, or led anything more than an  ACORN demonstration, and we made him “Beloved Leader” of the United States

TWICE !!!

I’m sorry I brought this up.

Never mind.

396
And in the same vein as my tongue-in-cheek Mini Rant…

TOP-11 “ONLY IN AMERICA” OBSERVATIONS — BY A CANADIAN*
1) Only in America could the rich people – who pay 86% of all income taxes – be accused of not paying their “fair share” by people who don’t pay any income taxes at all.
2) Only in America could people claim that the government still discriminates against black Americans when they have a black President, a black Attorney General, and roughly 18% of the federal workforce is black while only 12% of the population is black
3) Only in America could they have had the two people most responsible for our tax code, Timothy Geithner, the head of the Treasury Department and Charles Rangel who once ran the Ways and Means Committee, BOTH turn out to be tax cheats who are in favor of higher
taxes.
4) Only in America can they have terrorists kill people in the name of Allah and have the media primarily react by fretting that Muslims might be harmed by the backlash.
5) Only in America would they make people who want to legally become American citizens wait for years in their home countries and pay tens of thousands of dollars for the privilege while we discuss letting anyone who sneaks into the country illegally just ‘magically’ become American citizens.
6) Only in America could the people who believe in balancing the budget and sticking by the country’s Constitution be thought of as “extremists.”
7) Only in America could you need to present a driver’s license to cash a check or buy alcohol, but not to vote.
8) Only in America could people demand the government investigate whether oil companies are gouging the public because the price of gas went up when the return on equity invested in a major U.S. oil company (Marathon Oil) is less than half of a company making tennis shoes(Nike).
9) Only in America could the government collect more tax dollars from the people than any nation in recorded history, still spend a Trillion dollars more than it has per year – for total spending of $7-Million PER MINUTE, and complain that it doesn’t have nearly enough money.
10) Only in America could politicians talk about the greed of the rich at a $35,000.00 a plate campaign fund-raising event.
11) Only in America can a man with no background, no qualifications and no experience … and a complete failure at his job … be elected and re-elected as President………………….

12) Only in America is it required for a wage-earner to take a drug test in order to make and keep the job that is used to pay the money into the welfare system where the partakers of said welfare are NOT required the same drug test in order to receive the money!

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f2009061901

3398

golfer

During his recent golfing vacation, Obama sliced off the
tee on every hole.He asked his Scottish caddy if he has noticed
any obvious reasons for his poor tee shots, to which the caddy replied:

“Aye, there’s a piece of shyt on the end of yer driver. “

Obama picked up his driver and cleaned the club face, at which point the caddy said:

“Nae, the other end.”

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54
a167
a168One of the Leprechaun’s cats.

a169
a170

THE CARDIOLOGIST’S FUNERAL
A very prestigious cardiologist died, and was given a very elaborate funeral
by the hospital where he had worked for most of his life.
A huge heart, covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service as all the
doctors from the hospital sat in awe.
Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside.
The heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever.
At that point, one of the mourners just burst into laughter.
When all eyes stared at him, he said, “I’m so sorry… I was just thinking of my
own funeral…
I’m a gynecologist

399
3a
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mean
Please help
Really
red
ret

Yesterday my daughter again asked why I didn’t do something useful with my time. Talking about my “doing something useful” seemed to be her favorite topic of conversation. She was “only thinking of me” and suggested I go down to the senior center and hang out with the guys. I did this and when I got home last night I decided to teach her a lesson about staying out of my business. I told her that I had joined a parachute club.

She said, “Are you nuts? You’re almost

85 years old and you’re going to start jumping out of airplanes?” I proudly showed her that I even got a membership card.

She said to me, “Good grief, where are your glasses! This is a membership to a Prostitute Club, not a Parachute Club.”

“I’m in trouble again, and I don’t know what to do… I signed up for five jumps a week.” I told her.

She fainted.

Life as a senior citizen is not getting any easier but sometimes it can be fun.

400No, I didn’t know that.  I always just use the top lip of the cup and fill with any of the above to there.

Pun Queen

When Santa takes the male reindeer out on Christmas Eve, the female reindeer go into town and blow a few bucks.

Two old dears having a coffee, one asks the other, “Did you come on the bus?” “Yes,” she replies, “but I made it look like an asthma attack.”

Frosty the Snowman pulled down his pants when he heard the snow blower coming.

A young lady asked the Scotsman what he wore under his kilt. “Reach up there and find out.” She did, but quickly pulled her hand back out and said, “Oh, it’s gruesome!” “Aye, it has,” replied the Scotsman, “and if you put your hand back up there, it’ll grow some more!”

MASTURBATION – A solo played on a private organ.

How do Greeks separate the men from the boys? With a crowbar.

Did you hear about the new douche they’ve made for women? It’s made of Marijuana, Arrid Deodorant, and Kentucky Fried Chicken. It leaves you high, dry, and finger licking good!

You don’t want Monica Lewinsky and Tonto in your car at the same time. You might wind up with a blown Injun.

VIRGIN: A girl who whispers sweet nothing doings.

The woman asked the pharmacist, “Do you have Viagra?” “Yes,” he answered. She asked, “Does it work?” “Yes,” he answered. She said, “Can you get it over the counter?” “I can, if I take two tablets,” he replied.

Did you hear about the guy who scheduled an appointment with an impotence clinic? He had to cancel because something came up!

Watch out for tennis players – love means nothing to them!

The biology teacher at the all-girls academy was handing back a test on the male anatomy. “I don’t understand why you girls can’t understand the male sex organ. You’ve had it pounded into you all semester!”

A little boy with diarrhea tells his mom he needs Viagra. The mom asks, “Why on earth do you need that?” The little boy replies, “isn’t that what you give dad when his shit won’t get hard?”

401
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402Poetry1First, the Lord made man in the Garden of Eden.
Then he said to himself, “There’s something he’s needing”

After casting about for a suitable pearl,
Kept messing around and created a girl.

God named this creation “Woman” and he gave her —

Two beautiful legs, so long and so tender.
A beautiful waist so slim and so slender.

Two lovely hips to increase his desire,
Rounded and firm to bring out the fire.

Two lovely breasts, so full and so proud,
Commanding his eyes as she whips them around

Two lovely arms just waiting to bless you,
With two loving hands to soothe and caress you.

Soft cascading hair hung down over her shoulder,
With two dreamy eyes to make him grow bolder.

Two beautiful lips so warm and inviting.
God knew that the man would find it exciting.

She was made for a man to make his heart sing.
Then he added vocal chords and ruined the whole fucking thing…
catapults
This next portion was written and sent in by Lethal Leprechaun.  We were going to wait until his issue, but thought it was more important to get it out sooner, rather than later.  I was going to write up my own piece, or take parts of his, but his turned out so good, and I was a day and a half without internet (too long a story to go into now), so instead, I decided to give credit where credit was due.
9a9b

One of the finest ( if not the finest) Army Officer it was ever my privilege to meet/serve with/under has heard TAPS sound over his own grave.  Gen. H. Norman Schwarzkopf, rose to fame while serving as Commander of United States Central Command, as commander of coalition forces in the Persian Gulf War, which lead to the lightning quick dismantling of Saddam Hussein’s forces in the first Gulf War. He was laid to rest at the U.S. Military Academy at West Point Thursday Feb. 28, 2013 almost unnoticed and uncommented on by the liberal media. He was 78 when he died in Tampa, Florida on December 27, 2012 of complications from pneumonia.

9c

A U.S. Army Honor Guard soldier (R) carries the cremated remains of U.S. Four Star General H. Norman Schwarzkopf to his burial service at the United States Military Academy at West Point, New York, February 28, 2013. REUTERS/Mike Segar

9d

A U.S. Army soldier holds a four star flag outside the Cadet Chapel during the funeral service for the late U.S. Four Star General H. Norman Schwarzkopf at the United States Military Academy at West Point, New York, February 28, 2013. Schwarzkopf, who graduated from West Point in 1956.

403

ObservationsFormer Illinois sergeant Drew Peterson was sentenced to

38 years for the drowning death of his third wife, Kathleen
Savio. The case shocked state residents. They’re not used
to sending policemen to prison, only politicians.
 
Washington’s Birthday was celebrated Friday honoring the
nation’s first president and leader of the rebel Continental
Army in the Revolutionary War. He was a rich Southern guy
with a pony tail who grew hemp. In England this day is
celebrated as Willie Nelson Day.
 
Tiger Woods addressed reporters at Tucson’s Accenture
Match Play Championships Tuesday to discuss his golf
date with President Obama. He said the president has a
nice touch and an excellent aim. Obviously Tiger’s never
seen President Obama’s drone strikes.

China was accused by U.S. defense experts of
hacking into Pentagon computers and stealing sensitive
information. This could backfire badly on Beijing. If they
find a copy of the defense budget and steal it they’ll be
out of money by the middle of next week.

Hillary Clinton signed with the Harry Walker speakers agency,
which guaranteed her two hundred grand a speech. It’s the
same they charge organizations to book their client Bill
Clinton. Ten percent of the fee goes to the agent for arranging
the speech and ten percent goes to the special prosecutors
for teaching Bill and Hillary to tell great stories.

It was just announced that President Obama will speak at
Ohio State’s graduation in May. The president has a lot in
common with those students. He’s currently in his fifth year
and swamped with debt.

A Florida woman was wounded while heating waffles when
bullets her roommate left in the oven exploded. Police say
there is an all points bulletin out for Aunt Jemima.


A poll says that Americans want to trim government
spending but don’t want to cut any programs. Which
answers the question of how we got $16 Trillion in
debt in the first place.

President Obama says he is still not decided on whether
he will put his presidential library in Chicago or Honolulu.
Tea Party members are saying he shouldn’t forget about
possibly building it in Kenya.


404
3b
405

2a

Okay, it’s time for a real rant, rather than the play pretend one I used earlier.  And of course, I’ll tell this story with words and pictures!
800,000 Federal Civilian Employees are facing a coming furlough beginning in March.  Okay, so we all know that the federal government is too big, so cutting the fat is a good idea, right?
8Well, not in this case.
Is it the big-wigs in Washington that are going to have 20%  of their pay taken away from them?
Nope!
The politicians, facing 1/5 reduction in their pay?
Nope!
Okay, how about a 20% reduction in unemployment payments, welfare, food stamps, etc?
Nope, nope and nope!
As a matter of fact, unemployment and other entitlement programs were INCREASED as well as our taxes on January first!
So who’s pay is being chopped?
8aMine for one!
Now, that doesn’t mean much to you other than I’m sure I’m going to receive some sympathetic emails from you wonderful campers, but why mine?
Because I am a Department of Defense civilian employee.  Almost ALL DoD civilians will face the same thing.  It has been stated that the Navy will not be able to support it’s mission after only two months of this.  The military will be a hollow shell because, like it or not, 90% of the non combat positions in the military are being done by civilians now.  And now we will be working and being paid for a 4 day week.  20% out of my check.  Boom!
But, there is no overtime either.  So, when I have to work a UTA weekend to teach reservists what they need to know to stay alive, I’ll have to take not one, but three days off during the week to make up for it.
8bSo who else is going to get the axe?
TSA employees-you think it takes a long time to catch a flight before,  how about having to show up three hours early for a flight?
Meat inspectors – ready for the food shortages?
The list goes on and on.
Oh, and of course, it’s the republican’s fault.
8cFox News from Feb 19: Instead, he would rather blackmail Americans with food shortages, long lines at airports and the like, and invoke the specter of another recession to gain political advantage over the Republicans. See here for the rest of this interesting article.8dWhy do I have to face a huge cut in pay while the dammed entitlement leaches get a raise?  Anyone who doesn’t believe that this is part of O’bastard’s master plan to make ALL of us depended on the largesse of the government is really NOT PAYING ATTENTION!

I can’t file for unemployment, work overtime, use my vacation time, sick time, and (in most cases) get a part-time job!!!
On top of the fact that we haven’t gotten a cost of living increase in 4 years!
8eYou know, I like my job.  It’s important.  Amongst other things I help our military brothers and sisters stay alive in about the most crappy of environments they could possibly run into.  We make below the national average for household incomes and are 25 to 40% below our civilian counterparts.
Why us, among all the money the government spends, gives away to our enemies or spends on drug users and malcontents who WON’T work, why the lower ranking worker bees that keep things running?
This is not right!  It’s an insult!  And it’s designed to cause the most trouble for EVERYONE.
So, don’t think it’s just me and my brothers and sisters who are going to suffer, this is aimed at ALL of us!
And why is it that congress and the president aren’t taking a 20% pay cut?
8fAnd here’s another man’s opinion:

Sequester protest

8g
You know, I’m with you Joe.  Maybe if congress had manned up instead of wussing out by exempting themselves from any cuts, maybe there would be someone there left to vote for, but for my money, I think that for next year’s mid term elections, every single sitting congress member, no matter the party, should get kicked out and someone else, anyone else, should be elected in their place.  Maybe if we could get rid of most of them, maybe the REST of them would get the message that US not THEM are in charge!!!!  Especially since they won’t put themselves in the same positions they put us.  8hLet’s face it, how many of them, even with a 20% decrease in pay, would miss any meals?
I’m looking at my list of medications, wondering which ones I can not take for 6 months!
I’m looking at the food in the house, and wondering if we could make it last an extra month or so!
Probably have to start walking to work (although there is an upside to that)
The entertainment budget disappeared first, as well as our cable channels, home telephone line.
Canceled two doctor’s appointments.
How many
Of those
PRICKS
have to
do the
SAME??!!

8iI know, there are some of you out there who are saying that it’s not that big a deal.
I also know that there are some of you who are out there still singing O’Bastard’s praises.
”Today President Obama put his inspirational words into action.  For the first time,
the U.S. Government Official Position is that Prop 8 is unconstitutional.  Thank the President
for standing on the right side of history.”
If you want to look up that bit of praise, you can do a google search on your own.
8jThe Entitlement Leeches will continue to vote these types of people in so long as they
keep getting their free shit.  And those of us who are paying for their free shit are
are slowly doing it with less money.
It’s going to stay this way until we stand up and make them stop.  They will take more and more from us.
Our Guns.
Our Money.
Our Rights.
How much are they going to get before we’ve all had enough?
You entitlement leeches just wait.  Your turn is coming.
It won’t be long before we’re out of money.
Then what the hell are you going to do???

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4 Responses to Dragon Laffs #1314

  1. Don says:

    As if things weren’t bad enough, old Buttcrack Obuma is sending his 13 year old daughter, 12 of her friends, 25 Secret Service agents and all of the necessary staff on 2 planes for a Mexican spring break vacation………….

  2. christian zettergren mäklare says:

    I was recommended this blog by my cousin. You’re incredible! Thanks!

  3. joe sanchez says:

      My wife and myself are also both DOD employees with a combined over 20 years of service and are going to go through the same thing.  3 teenage kids at home, 20% cut in pay, I blame our reelected president, no one else.I still can’t believe that he won re-election but what are ya gonna do.  We go forward, semper fidelis.   Desert Demon 2        

  4. lethalleprechaun says:

    Dude!
    I keep telling you your size problem has nothing to do with weight or heat or being big boned, fluffy or any of that bull pucky. It has EVERYTHING to do with HOT AIR! You’re just full of it…well THAT and an excess of Saurian Scat!

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