YES those were my skinnier more spy and spritely days. NO its not an Irish jig I’m dancing,  it was the 80’s, I’d just seen Travolta in ‘Saturday Night Fever’ and was practicing my Disco moves.

A Scene at City Hall in San Francisco

“Next.”

“Good morning. We want to apply for a marriage license.”

“Names?”

“Tim and Jim Jones.”

“Jones? Are you related? I see a resemblance.”

“Yes, we’re brothers.”

“Brothers? You can’t get married.”

“Why not? Aren’t you giving marriage licenses to same gender couples?”

“Yes, thousands. But we haven’t had any siblings. That’s incest!”

“Incest?” No, we are not gay.”

“Not gay? Then why do you want to get married?”

“For the financial benefits, of course. And we do love each other. Besides, we don’t have any other prospects.”

“But we’re issuing marriage licenses to gay and lesbian couples who’ve been denied equal protection under the law. If you are not gay, you can get married to a woman.”

“Wait a minute. A gay man has the same right to marry a woman as I have. But just because I’m straight doesn’t mean I want to marry a woman. I want to marry Jim.”

“And I want to marry Tim, Are you going to discriminate against us just because we are not gay?”

“All right, all right. I’ll give you your license.

Next.”

“Hi. We are here to get married.”

“Names?”

“John Smith, Jane James, Robert Green, and June Johnson.”

“Who wants to marry whom?”

“We all want to marry each other.”

“But there are four of you!”

“That’s right. You see, we’re all bisexual. I love Jane and Robert, Jane loves me and June, June loves Robert and Jane, and Robert loves June and me. All of us getting married together is the only way that we can express our sexual preferences in a marital relationship.”

“But we’ve only been granting licenses to gay and lesbian couples.”

“So you’re discriminating against bisexuals!”

“No, it’s just that, well, the traditional idea of marriage is that it’s just for couples.”

“Since when are you standing on tradition?”

“Well, I mean, you have to draw the line somewhere.”

“Who says? There’s no logical reason to limit marriage to couples. The more the better. Besides, we demand our rights! The mayor says the constitution guarantees equal protection under the law. Give us a marriage license!”

“All right, all right.

Next.”

“Hello, I’d like a marriage license.”

“In what names?”

“David Deets.”

“And the other man?”

“That’s all. I want to marry myself.”

“Marry yourself? What do you mean?”

“Well, my psychiatrist says I have a dual personality, so I want to marry the two together. Maybe I can file a joint income-tax return.”

“That does it! I quit!! You people are making a mockery of marriage!!”

Maybe they mean it’s not wearing any bottoms?         

In my house Molly takes them all to work with her! 

Or our President and Government!                

THE LAW IS THE LAW So “if” the US government determines that it is against the law for the words “under God” to be on our money, then, so be it

And “if” that same government decides that the “Ten Commandments” are not to be used in or on a government installation, then, so be it.

I say, “so be it,” because I would like to be a law abiding US citizen.

I say, “so be it,” because I would like to think that smarter people than I are in positions to make good decisions.

I would like to think that those people have the American public’s best interests at heart.

BUT, YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE I’D LIKE?

Since we can’t pray to God, can’t Trust in God and cannot post His Commandments in Government buildings, I don’t believe Government (Federal, State and Local) and its employees should participate in Easter and Christmas celebrations which honor the God that our government is eliminating from many facets of American life.

I’d like my mail delivered on Christmas, Good Friday, Thanksgiving & Easter. After all, it’s just another day.

I’d like the” US Supreme Court to be in session on Christmas, Good Friday, Thanksgiving & Easter as well as Sundays.” After all, it’s just another day.

I’d like the Senate and the House of Representatives to not have to worry about getting home for the “Christmas Break.” After all it’s just another day.

I’m thinking a lot of my taxpayer dollars could be saved, if all government offices & services would work on Christmas, Good Friday & Easter. It shouldn’t cost any overtime since those would be just like any other day of the week to a government that is trying to be “politically correct.”

In fact….I think our government should work on Sundays (initially set aside for worshipping God….) because, after all, our government says that it should be just another day….

What do you all think? If this idea gets to enough people, maybe our elected officials will stop giving in to the “minority opinions” and begin, once again, to represent the “majority” of ALL of the American people.

SO BE IT………..Please Dear Lord, Give us the help needed to keep you in our country! ‘Amen’ and ‘Amen’ Touché!

You Ever Have One of Those Days?

The Top 5 Signs Your Computer Has a Virus

5> Your screen saver now shows Pamela Anderson at home with
the flu.

4> Pus between the keys, pus in the optical drives, and pus
oozing out of the monitor — it’s either a virus, or Impish Dragon has been using it without your permission again.

3> Your web browser just tossed its cookies.

2> Dell customer service recommends the “nighttime, freezing, rebooting, up-locking, destroying, hosed-drive, deleted so
you can buy a new PC medicine.”

and The Number 1 Sign Your Computer Has a Virus…

1> Your dancing hamsters are all dead.

[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com  Copyright 2000 by Chris White ]

Skechers To Pay $40 Million In Refunds To Settle Federal Charges Of False Claims That Shape-Ups Improve Appearance

 May 16, 2012 By George Gombossy CT Watchdog

 Consumers Who Bought Shape-ups, Other Toning Shoes Will Be Eligible for Refunds

 If you got sucked into buying a pair of Skechers Toning Shoes believing that they would help you lose weight, strengthen and tone your buttocks, legs and abdominal muscles, you can get a refund, courtesy of the Federal Trade Commission.

You can  submit a claim here.

It announced today that  Skechers USA, Inc. has agreed to pay $40 million to settle charges that the company deceived consumers by making unfounded claims that Shape-ups would help people lose weight, and strengthen and tone their buttocks, legs and abdominal muscles

Besides Shape-ups, Skechers also made deceptive claims about its Resistance Runner, Toners, and Tone-ups shoes, the FTC alleged. Consumers who bought these “toning” shoes will be eligible for refunds either directly from the FTC or through a court-approved class action lawsuit, and  The settlement with the FTC is part of a broader agreement, also being announced today resolving a multi-state investigation, which was led by the Tennessee and Ohio Attorneys General Offices and included attorneys general from 42 other states and the District of Columbia.

“Skechers’ unfounded claims went beyond stronger and more toned muscles. The company even made claims about weight loss and cardiovascular health,” said David Vladeck, Director of the FTC’s Bureau of Consumer Protection. “The FTC’s message, for Skechers and other national advertisers, is to shape up your substantiation or tone down your claims.”

Connecticut was one of 42 states and the District of Columbia involved in the settlement. Connecticut consumers who have complaints about unsubstantiated health or advertising claims or any consumer matter should contact the Office of the Attorney General at  860-808-5400. Assistant Attorney General Thomas Saadi handled this matter for the Attorney General.

The settlement with the Manhattan Beach, California-based Skechers is part of the FTC’s ongoing effort to stop overhyped advertising claims, and follows a similar settlement with Reebok International Ltd. last year.

www.ftc.gov/skechers gives consumers the basic facts about the Skechers settlement and directs them to file for a refund if they are eligible.

Read the rest of the article here

This is 100% true! NO joke! I know for a fact several people have gotten their refunds already, including Impish!

(YES, that last part WAS a joke, they did not come in a  ‘3 toed Giant Lizard Extra Double Wide’ size!)

Kind of like our readership!

The Quote of the Decade:????

The fact that we are here today to debate raising America’s debt limit is a sign of leadership failure. It is a sign that the US Government cannot pay its own bills. It is a sign that we now depend on ongoing financial assistance from foreign countries to finance our Government’s reckless fiscal policies. Increasing America’s debt weakens us domestically and internationally. Leadership means that, “the buck stops here.’ Instead, Washington is shifting the burden of bad choices today onto the backs of our children and grandchildren. America has a debt problem and a failure of leadership. Americans deserve better.????? ~ Senator Barack H. Obama, March 2006

Pass it on ’till eternity.. (…it was so nice of him to give us this great quote for posterity!)  SO, USE IT!!!

SEX IN THE SHOWER

In a recent survey commissioned by President Obama, African-Americans have proven to be the most likely to have had sex in the shower.

The survey was carried out for Obama by a leading soap and toiletries firm. The results revealed that 86% of African-Americans said that they have had sex in the shower.

The remaining 14% said they haven’t been to prison yet.

Sort of brings tears to your eyes!

Impish was SUPPOSED to cover this topic Saturday and dropped the ball. No real surprise there, unless you count the fact that he actually dropped it as opposed to eating it!

The more observant of you may have noticed a few subtle changes here at DragonLaffs. Our boring green background has been replaced by (for the moment) a waving flag. The will hopeful continue to change with the season and holiday, providing I can locate appropriate graphics that work with WordPress’s free version, not generally so easy a task.

We have also instituted an extremely simple feedback mechanism for those of you who are comments section challenged/fearful or just short of time. You can vote your approval of individual issues now with a simple, single solitary mouse click!

The location is shown above and its in the same place for every issue. You can select from one to 5 stars when you vote how good the issue is. From this we can help to figure out what works and what does not so we can continue to improve the blog and grow our readership.

We ask that you take the micro seconds it requires to vote and do so for each issue. Help us make your DragonLaffs experience more enjoyable by voting every issue.

Impish kindly sent me the comments of Saturdays two guest rants ahead of their publication and asked me if I wanted to add any thoughts to them. We oft do this with hot button topics, larger issues or things that we fell quite passionately about one way or the other. Sometimes we’re in lock step sometime one of us chooses to play devils advocate to the other’s position. However this time I decided I was not getting Dragon conned into writing Impish’s Last Word for Saturday based on guest ranter Tom’s comments. I think my comments on abortion are sufficiently beyond the narrow scope of pro-life/pro-choice enough to warrant full coverage here in a Parting Shot.

In this particular case, I am very happy I am a Centrists instead of Liberal/Conservative or Left/Right Winged because both sides are full of crap right up to the eyeballs of their respective party animal icons when it comes to this subject!

They are pawns being used for deception in a game of much larger import. One side is being duped into doing the church’s bidding, though NOT for the reasons it thinks while the other side is defending the right answer, abet for an incomplete reason! Worst of all neither side understand the gravity of this war or what the REAL stakes are!

For 2000 plus years there was a thing called “Moon tea” to prevent the problem or to rid you of it. This was the norm it was universally accepted practice suddenly there is a new religion on the block, the Catholics and they need numbers for their church to survive & grow, so WHAM! everyone is WRONG for the last 2000 years about terminating unwanted pregnancies while God was hiding and not making his will &/or thoughts on the subject readily apparent. I have a problem with that sort of shit and by that I mean just how flexible and often Catholic doctrine and rules conveniently are as long as it favors the needs of the church.  If they don’t like it they’ll seek to have it outlawed, banned or otherwise regulated out of use. If they cannot make you forget about it they’ll drop a Holy Day on it and brand it as their own. IF their own rank and file balk at it, they’ll update it and relax it or “modernize” it to make it more palatable to them just so long as they maintain control over you. However that’s an entirely different subject from the one we are discussing today

The root of the Abortion issue being about the Pro-life/Pro-choice issue in analogous to the mistaken belief that the Civil War was fought about slavery. (Actually the root issue of the Civil War was that of State’s Rights for those of you who thought it WAS about Slavery. Slavery was simply the “Poster Child” issue the North chose because it was far easier to raise support for a war to abolish slavery than for one to in force the will of the Federal Government on the Governments of all the states. One sounds humanitarian, civilized and morally righteous while the other draconian, dictatorial and oppressive. Which one would you support?)

It’s in fact a cover for deeper issues meant to appease the limited intellect and whitewash the greater underlying issue hopefully making it more palatable the the unwashed masses because NOBODY  at the top of the two warring factions wants the light of attention shined on the REALLY issue, which is who gets to run your life because neither side thinks you are capable of doing it yourself and that you need to be protected from you even at the expense of the Constitution and your rights.

These two warring factions I am talking about are big brother the Federal Government or big brother the Catholic Church.

Everyone rages against Sharia law, especially the Vatican and the Catholic church which I find to be as hypocritical as I do comical. Why? Because what the Catholics want it basically the same thing– except instead of the Law according to the Koran/Mohammad as interpreted by the Imams they’d prefer the 10 Commandments/Bible as interpreted by the Vatican.

At least the Koran as been more or less unchanged since its writing some 1380 years ago. The Bible has between 8 and 12 versions depending on your source of information which includes various version revisions and translations. Additionally not all the alleged “books of the Bible” are included in the current Bible. The Old Testament portion of the Bible is not even of original Christian authorship but rather was plagiarized and altered to suit Christianity’s Doctrine from the Jewish Tanach.

My point is that while the teaching of Mohammad expressed by the Koran are pretty much verbatim of their original internet (and therefore if one believes the word of Allah recorded as whispered in the ear/mind of Mohammad) sans shading revision adaptation or interpretation. The same thing cannot be said for ANY PART of the Bible. The Bible is simply what the hierarchy of the Catholic Church wants the word of God to be. Right there that makes Catholic Law suspect to me. We’ll not the fact that like Muslims who would openly impose Sharia Law on everyone Muslim and non Muslim alike while the Catholic Church seeks to do it in a Puppet Master fashion from the shadows by attempting to force the government to pass Canon laws under the guise of secular ones thereby accomplishing the same effect just under a veil pretense of Separation of Church and State. A separation I might add that the Church seems extremely bent on maintaining as a one way thing and pushing the boundary of to their benefit and most of America’s detriment as far as possible

The same effect as Sharia Law? YES. If an Anti-abortion law passed, every female would be legally required  to give up their right of self determination over  their own lives and bodies in favor of a law forced on them by the Catholic Church IRREGARDLESS of their religious preference, personal convictions and Constitutionally assured right of the separation of church and state, to say nothing of their right to worship as they choose and see fit! Sound familiar? Abet on a lesser scale (hey everything has to have a starting/tipping point) you have the same effect as Sharia Law. Laws and rule make by a religious faction, enforced by the state and applied to everyone Muslim or not.

WHAT IS REALLY AT STAKE HERE IS THE INTEGRITY OF THE CONSTITUTION (SEPERATION OF CHURCH AND STATE) YOUR RIGHT TO WORSHIP (OR NOT WORSHIP) FREELY, AND YOUR “GOD GIVEN INALIENABLE RIGHTS, NAMELY LIFE LIBERTY (WHICH INCLUDES YOU RIGHT TO CHOSE YOUR OWN DESTINY AND COURSE OF ACTION) AND THE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS (PRESUMABLY THE FOUNDING FATHERS HAD YOUR HAPPINESS IN MIND NOT THAT OF THE CATHOLIC CHURCH AND THE MORAL MINORITY).

LASTLY I think that the issue is between the individual person, their conscience and their vision/version of God and NOBODY ELSE! SUPPOSEDLY we were given a thing (by God) called FREE WILL, the power to choose to sin or not to sin and we accept a price for this gift, having to answer for and accept the consequences of our actions and God’s judgment of them NOT Churches, States or Federal governments. Again that is SUPPPOSED to be between the individual and is God at his time of final judgment. Clergy are supposed to be there to help you make informed choices and council you while you do. NOT to legislate your choices right out the damned window in favor of their doctrine with wanton disregard for your religious preferences, beliefs, civil or human rights.

Sorry if this Parting Shot has sounded ‘sarcastic and bitter’ ( I put that there because we had a commenter that apparently does not know the meaning of the 3 “C’ words most oft used even by me to describe me in this blog, namely, caustic, cantankerous and curmudgeonly) but Big Brother in the sandals and coweled robe wavy his holy symbol frantically at me  demanding I respect him his religion and his right to Separation of Church & State when I suggest treating him as a corporation and making him not only pay taxes but subject to all the same political & election laws as corporations while he attempts to pass laws governing my life pisses me off as bad as big brother in the black governmental suit. In fact probably MORE so because at least I participated in the election of some those who wind up as Big Government Brother.

I AM THE LETHAL LEPRECHAUN and while I MAY be headed to hell in my custom coach worked hand basket, I’m going there for having exercised my GOD GIVEN RIGHTS OF FREE WILL AND SELF DETERMINATION not because some religious minority federally legislated my Constitutional Assured rights which I have fought to defend way! Sit still for this and ONE DAY you’ll be reading a headline like this:

Pakistan blocks Twitter amid blasphemy fears

Twitter closed after it refused to remove tweets promoting a page urging people to post images of prophet Muhammad

or this

Pakistan restores Twitter after a day of blocking

Pakistan restored their access to Twitter on Monday after blocking the popular microbloging site due to posting of content that deemed an affront to Muslims

or this

Pakistan censors Twitter: all may not be what it seems

Summary: Was the Pakistani Twitter shutdown just about squelching free speech over an art contest, or was there potentially something more?  https://www.zdnet.com/blog/government/pakistan-censors-twitter-all-may-not-be-what-it-seems/11265

(you REALLY want to skin that last one because there is current legislation pending in the US that could be used to make the same scenario painted in the article an actual fact here, but that again is a whole another subject for another time).)

However when you see that story here if we allow the Camel with the Cross on its nose to put its head in the tent of successfully legislated restrictions based on religious mores the story will NOT read ‘Pakistan’ it will read United States or ‘Catholic Church’ and the issue will not be Muslim religion either!

I strongly urge you to protect your God given Constitutionally protected rights from usurpation by the Moral Minority by belting the Cross nosed Camel SQUARE in the muzzle, keeping his nose, his head, his eyelashes or any other damned body part out of the tent of our personal freedoms before you find he OWNS your freedom!

Until we meet again Saturday for our annual Memorial Day Combined Lepra-Dragon-chaun Issue