Leprechaun Laughs # 135 for Wednesday April 4th 2012


Leprechaun Cider

For those of you expecting an April Fool’s Day joke out of us, well didn’t you get fooled!  I played a small prank on Molly late in the day while she was distracted, one has to observe the proprieties of the day after all.

I had cause to speak with her grandfather on another matter, he is an interviewer of WWII vets for the Oral History Project at the Nimitz Museum a.k.a. The National Museum of the Pacific War located in Fredricksberg, Texas and I had come across a lead for a potential interviewee who had managed to survive the surrender of Bataan, the Bataan Death March & forced labor camps both on Bataan and in Japan until the end of the war.

As her grandparents are “Winter Texans” and reside in Indiana during the summer months Molly had been wondering when they would begin their northerly migration as we are already unseasonable warm here. When I got off the phone she inquired what I had learned as she heard me asking about this. I off handedly replied with the approximate date as it was not firmly set yet and proceeded to casually mention how her grandfather had mentioned looking forward to starting their trip by spending their first weekend on the road with their favorite Granddaughter and Grandson in-law. (conveniently also their ONLY granddaughter and grandson in law at the moment).

The note of panic in Molly’s artificially high by several octaves voice when she responded ”THEY ARE??!!” accompanied by the sounds of her speedily heading for my location in my office was pure music to my ears. Those same ears which are still ringing from the swat to the back of the head I received when she saw my mischievous grim and realized what had just happened. The blurred vision from the concussion I received coupled with the ringing in my ears precluded me witnessing her departure from the room clearly but I suspect she stormed out of the room in a huff muttering extremely unkind invectives regarding my penchant of April Fools jokes under her breath.

 

Open Logo 1 Coffee Suprise

The Jewish Elbow

A Jewish grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife.

“You come to the front door of the apartment. I’m in apartment 301.

There is a big panel at the front door. With your elbow , push button 301.

I will buzz you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right.

Get in, and with your elbow, push 3.

When you get out, I’m on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell.”

“Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow? “

“What . . . You coming empty handed?”

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Don’t Toss Those Coffee Grounds! Use Them In The New Coffee Powered Printer

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Are you a regular coffee drinker? Maybe you go through coffee grounds like The Jonas Brothers go through red bull. If so, check out the new RITI printer powered by coffee.

Featured in the Greener Gadgets Design Competition, the RITI printer apparently uses coffee or tea dregs to create computer printouts.

To use the printer just insert a piece of paper, place used coffee or tea grinds into the ink case on the top of the printer, then move the ink case left and right to print the image — no electricity needed, Greener Gadgets reported.

Because it works manually the RITI printer is not ideal for large projects and can only print in black and white, but it will save on the cost of buying ink and electricity.

This is still in a sort of BETA and is not on the market yet, but looks very promising Coffee-drinking computer users may soon have a new use for their old coffee grinds if a new eco-friendly printer hits the market.

No wonder all those letters from Ed Begley smelled so familiar and appealing!

Anchorwoman Sausage Blooper.

Video Language Warning

http://www.funnieststuff.net/viewmovie.php?id=2905

 

  

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If I Were the Devil

Paul Harvey explains how he would take over the United States in “If I Were the Devil”. This version aired in 1993 and is based on the original essay that he wrote in 1965 and updated periodically. I’m pretty sure Paul’s strategy is working.

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Wise Italian Grandfather
Why Italian Fathers and Grandfathers pass their handguns down through the family.
An old Italian man is dying. He calls his grandson to his bedside, “Guido, I wan’ you lissina me. I wan’ you to take-a my chrome plated .38 revolver so you will always remember me.”
“But grandpa, I really don’t like guns.. How about you leave me your Rolex watch instead?”
“You lissina me, boy. Somma day you gonna be runna da business, you gonna have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a big-a home and maybe a couple-a bambinos. “
“Somma day you gonna come-a home and maybe finda you wife inna bed with anudder man. “Whatta you gonna do then? Pointa to you watch and say, ‘time’s up’ ?”

Impishs Insights

Impish Insight 18

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You know, this time around, I have to say I think Impish might just be on to something  with this donut thing!

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While I might not for a whole pile of different reasons on both sides been able to sneak away and meet up with Impish, he apparently has been sneaking off base and soaking up the local color…as well as soaking in the local ponds bayous and swamps. I have to admit if he managed to pass himself off as a gator he’s at least heeding my warning about people tendencies to shoot weird azzed looking critters and drag them off the me trophy mounted and BBQ’d here in Texas.

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LEAGUE CITY, Texas –

An apartment complex in League City is warning its residents about a danger lurking near the property– an alligator in a pond behind the apartments.

The five-foot-long gator has been seen spotted in a retention pond near South Shore Lakes Apartments.

Local 2 called the complex, and a spokesperson tells us they have reported it to parks and wildlife officials. Those experts do plan to eventually remove the animal.

Knowing how fast the “officials” move down here its probably that Impish will be long gone and safely back home by the time they go looking for him with a fresh coat of good Texas clay mud.

 

nannystate

School Superintendent David Healy says the district has the responsibility to teach children about appropriate interactions.

A New Jersey school superintendent says there’s no policy against hugging in the district, and says the issue of middle schoolers being told by their principal not to hug each other anymore is being blown out of proportion.

The district says Matawan-Aberdeen Middle School Principal Tyler Blackmore made an announcement that its 900 students were in a “no hugging school” following some “incidents of unsuitable, physical interactions.”

School Superintendent David Healy said the district has the responsibility to teach children about appropriate interactions. But he said no one would be disciplined for hugging.

“There is no policy specific to hugging, and we have not, nor will we be, suspending students for hugging,” he said in a written statement. “It is unfortunate that there are those who find purpose and humor in sensationalizing such a routine school-related issue at the expense and inconvenience of our children and our school community.”

The superintendent said he believes the principal acted responsibly in making the recent school announcement regarding hugging. The district’s Board of Education does have policies in place to address bullying, inappropriate relationships and inappropriate conduct, he added.

Students range in ages from 11 to 14 in grades six to eight

What I want to know is exactly WHO decided and told him it was a school district’s responsibility to again usurp a parental child raising responsibility and teach children about “appropriate interactions” as HE DEEMS then to be appropriate? EXACTLY WHAT are his qualifications for teaching this to children? Were the parents of the children in this school district or particular school consulted apprised  or otherwise invited to comment before this edict was handed down from the Liberal Mountain of Correctness  Knowledge and Brainwashing?

I also have a SERIOUS problem with his statement:

“It is unfortunate that there are those who find purpose and humor in sensationalizing such a routine school-related issue at the expense and inconvenience of our children and our school community.”

The issue itself is in fact inherently sensational as an example of just how far the Nanny State thinks it can intrude into your parenting in the name of educating your kids to think like good little liberals. If you ask me an entire generation of emotional repressed children because of idiotic  rules such as this would be inconvenient to the State of New Jersey to say nothing of the kids, their families and friends and dare I say some of the victims of the crimes they will wind up committing because they were emotionally repressed? I can hear the ACLU and Liberal lawyers in 20 years now, “Your Honor he’s not responsible for his actions because he was forbidden from hugging by his school at a critical time is his emotional development!”

What could possibly be next? Prohibitions against smiles, winking and “air kisses”?

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I recently applied for a building permit for a new house. It was going to be 100 ft tall and 400 ft wide, with 9 gun turrets at various
heights, and windows all over the place and a loud outside entertainment sound system. It would have parking for 200 cars, and I was going to paint it snot green with pink trim.

The City Council told me; Forget it… AIN’T GONNA HAPPEN!

So I sent in the application again, but this time I called it a ‘Mosque’. Work starts on Monday.

I love this country. It’s the Government I’m afraid of…

 

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Try Gourmet Coffee Recipes: Make Your Own Starbucks Coffee Drink!

Make a Cinnamon Dolce Latte!
Ingredients:

  • 1/2 cup strong coffee
  • 1/4 teaspoon ground cinnamon
  • 1 1/2 teaspoons sugar
  • 1 1/3 cups 1% low-fat milk

What’s Next:

  1. In a large pan, mix the cinnamon and sugar with a bit of milk.
  2. Add the rest of the milk and bring to a boil.
  3. Just as the mixture comes to a boil, take it off the heat.
  4. Pour your coffee into your favorite mug.
  5. Pour in the milk and serve immediately.

Molly is in love with Starbuck’s coffee (if it were possible to marry a corporation I might actually have to worry) so upon finding this recipe I sent it to her to try> Here are her comments;

Earnestly, I ran to my kitchen and began heating milk on the stove and brewing an EXTRA strong, half cup of coffee. After the milk heated, I added in the cinnamon and sugar amounts that were suggested on my recipe. Then, I mixed the milk with the half cup of brewed coffee. Wow! It tastes just like Starbucks minus the cute cup and the smiling barista that hands it to me.

So, why am I paying $4.65 for a cup of this, when I can make 20 cups or more for $10? I don’t know! However, since I have made this discovery, I can tell you that when my subconscious mind prompts me to go to Starbucks, I stop myself and say, I think I can make this here today. I brew my cup of coffee, enjoy it just as I would at Starbucks and the $5 I save goes in our “date night out” fund instead.

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Unstuffed Peppers

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If you love the flavor of stuffed peppers, but don’t want all the fuss, try this easy skillet dish that features great taste and less work…what could be better?

Prep: 10 minutes

Cook: 25 minutes

Makes: 4 servings (1 1/2 cups each)

1 tablespoon vegetable oil

1/2 pound ground turkey sausage

1 medium onion, chopped (about 1/2 cup)

1/2 teaspoon dried basil leaves, crushed

2 cups V8® 100% Vegetable Juice

1/2 cup uncooked regular long-grain white rice

2 medium green peppers, cut into 1-inch pieces (about 2 cups)

  • Heat the oil in a 10-inch skillet over medium heat. Add the turkey, onion and basil and cook until the turkey is browned, stirring often to separate the meat. Pour off any fat.
  • Stir the juice and rice in the skillet. Heat to a boil. Reduce the heat to low. Cover and cook for 10 minutes. Stir the peppers in the skillet. Cover and cook for 10 minutes or until the rice is tender and most of the liquid is absorbed.

Ok we got coffee and we got us a meal so now we have to have dessert right? Got that covered.

Sour Cream Banana Cake

imagePrep Time: 30 minutes

Cook Time: 35 minutes

Makes: 12 servings

Ingredients

1 pkg. (18.25 oz.) Yellow Cake Mix
3  Grade A Large Eggs
1 c. mashed ripe bananas
1 c.  Sour Cream, regular, light or fat free
1/4 c. Extra Light Olive Oil
1 tsp. banana extract

• Icing:

1 pkg. (8 oz.) Cream Cheese
1/2 c. (1 stick) Unsalted Butter, softened
1 pkg (16 oz.)Powdered Sugar
1/4 c. Fat Free Milk
1 c.  Walnut Pieces

Instructions

Heat oven to 350°F. Line bottom of two 8 or 9-inch round or square cake pans with parchment paper. Spray pans with nonstick cooking spray and set aside.

Combine cake mix, eggs, bananas, sour cream, olive oil, and banana extract in an electric mixer bowl and beat for 2 minutes. Pour batter evenly into prepared cake pans and bake on center oven rack for 35 minutes or until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean. Cool in pans for 15 minutes and then remove from pans and cool for 15 more minutes. Carefully remove parchment paper.

Combine cream cheese and butter in a clean electric mixer bowl and beat on medium speed for 2 minutes or until smooth. Gradually add powdered sugar 1/2 cup at a time and beat for 30 seconds or until all sugar is added. Slowly add milk and beat until icing has a smooth consistency with soft peaks.

Place one cake layer on a cake platter and ice the top and sides. Add second layer and finish icing top and sides. Press handfuls of walnut pieces onto the sides. Cover cake with a cake cover or a large bowl and refrigerate until ready to serve.

Personally I think either strawberries or dark chocolate chips beat the hell out of walnut pieces anyway. Aww hell why bother choosing? Put Strawberry halves then fill in between them with the dark chocolate chips!

 

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From THe Leps Pot O Gold

Recession Dining : Cheap Meals and Easy Dinner Ideas

#1 Eat Out For Less With Restaurant.com Discounts and Coupons

You can certainly eat out for much less if you so choose. For example, you can take a look at these restaurant discounts and dining coupons that can immediately cut down the costs of your dining experience. Some of these coupons are a pretty good deal if you enjoy dining at the restaurants that provide these price breaks.

#2 Feed A Family of 4 For Under $10 With Cheap Meals and Easy Dinner Ideas!

Now if you’re one of those people who’ve decided to cut food costs by limiting your excursions to restaurants that serve the fancy meals because of our iffy economy, it still doesn’t necessarily mean that you should be resigned to boring your taste buds with endless pizza and ramen. Could there be home cooking alternatives that are both cheaper and healthier?

Have you heard of the terms “recession dining” and “depression cooking”? These are just new terms that have caught on to refer to those affordable meals we can make, eat and still enjoy. Following are a few ideas for cheap meals you can cook at home to save money that you may find useful.

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take-back-america OMG Header

 

Seems that the Towel head in Chief and his Campaign for Four More Years of Liberal Terror advisors are rapidly being beat up by one of their target voter blocks, the disenfranchised youth and twenty-something crowd in an extremely public forum and in 150 characters or less too!

#Gen44: Conservatives Usurp Obama’s Twitter Hashtag…Again

  • Posted on March 25, 2012 at 12:14am by Erica Ritz

The president is promoting the Twitter hashtag #Gen44 as part of his youth outreach and, once again, conservatives have stepped in to hijack the hashtag.

On Friday, Barack Obama’s official Twitter account said, “If you’re proud of Obamacare and tired of the other side using it as a dirty word, complete this sentence: #ILikeObamacare because…”

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Conservative responses included:

@JamesNolan: #IlikeObamaCare because I’m tired of making my own healthcare decisions…

@anthropocon: #ILikeObamaCare because I want unelected bureaucrats making as many personal decisions for me as possible.

@yidwithlid: #ILikeObamacare as much as I like My father-in-law’s wife

@SaintObama: #ILikeObamacare, Because I think if you work, then I should benefit.

@iowahawkblog: #IlikeObamacare because the best things in life are free. Give or take $2 trillion.

Before that, the College Democrats asked tweeters to use the hashtag #WhyImIn to describe why they’re voting for Barack Obama. Responses ranged from, “Free stuff! #WhyImIn“ to ”Because I want my electricity rates to necessarily skyrocket.”

And now, the Obama administration is asking people to use the hashtag #Gen44, saying “The president is counting on young people this November.”

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Responses have included:

@ExJon: #Gen44 Because nothing says “youthful rebellion” like following orders from the president.

@FigDreston: #Gen44 Because I believe the largest economy the world has ever known can be run on solar panels, windmills and algae.

@SBroadie: #gen44: Because this time I want Obama to win all 57 States

@lee_ritz: #Gen44 cuz I have a masters in post modern transsexual feminist lit and $100k in student debt but for some reason can’t find a job.

@angelaisms: Because “endowed by their Creator” means “bestowed by a beneficent government.” #gen44

Many of the president’s detractors are wondering when the administration will pick up on the trend and stop issuing the hashtags. They have garnered so much attention that Friday afternoon “ILikeObamacare” was the most popular hashtag in the world (but for every positive, there were ten sarcastic negatives).

(highlighting and emphasis are mine so our resident Liberal loon and our resident closet liberal [yes we have another, a female expat who hides in the closet and denies her Pro Obama feelings to Impish and my face accidentally outed herself in both our Inboxes recently] do not conveniently while residing in denial miss the FACTS)

In case they continue, “#anotherObamaHashtagFAIL” has already been started.

(H/T: Twitchy)

http://www.theblaze.com/stories/gen44-conservatives-usurp-obamas-twitter-hashtag-again/

OMG! (in this case I mean Oh My God!)

  1. Who would have ever thought that Twitter had an actual positive and legitimate use? Expressing  the public’s unhappiness with Obama and his policies RIGHT TO HIS FACE and in so blatant and graphic a manner!
  2. OMG! (Oh MY GOD!) HOW DUMB can Obama’s Campaign for Four More Years of Liberal Terror advisors POSSIBLY be??!! They keep getting their ass handed to them publically and in a highly embarrassingly and funny (well not for them) manner and yet they just keep coming back begging for more and more!  If this does not CLEARLY demonstrate the level of denial, fantasy and epic cluelessness that are the hallmarks of his administration nothing does!

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News Headlines We’d Like To See: Supreme Court Ready to Escort Obama on a Surprise Visit to Reality

 

In honor of the 44th President of the United States, Baskin-Robbins Ice Cream has introduced a new flavor: Barocky Road.

Barocky Road is a blend of half vanilla, half chocolate, and surrounded by nuts and flakes. The vanilla portion of the mix is not openly advertised and usually denied as an ingredient. The nuts and flakes are all plentiful.

The cost is $92.84 per scoop…so out of a hundred dollar bill you are at least promised some CHANGE..!

When purchased it will be presented to you in a large beautiful cone, but after you pay for it, the ice cream is taken out of the cone and given to the person in line behind you at no charge.

You are left with an almost empty wallet, staring at an empty cone and wondering what just happened. Then you realize this is what “redistribution of wealth” is all about.

Aren’t you just stimulated?

GracieMJ apparently in an Introspective mood of her own sent in these justifications of why she apparently intends to vote Democratic in the next election. Don’t hold it against her now, she’s been judged medically deficient in common sense and mental health works have been dispatched to aid here with a boondocker delivered common sense booster!

When your family or friends cannot explain why they voted Democrat, give them this list. Then they can then pick a reason from this “TOP 12”.

1. I voted Democrat because I believe oil companies’ profits of 4% on a gallon of gas are obscene, but the government taxing the same gallon of gas at 15% isn’t.
2. I voted Democrat because I believe the government will do a better job of spending the money I earn than I would.
3. I voted Democrat because Freedom of Speech is fine as long as nobody is offended by it.
4. I voted Democrat because I’m way too irresponsible to own a gun, and I know that my local police are all I need to protect me from murderers and thieves.
5. I voted Democrat because I believe that people who can’t tell us if it will rain on Friday can tell us that the polar ice caps will melt away in ten years if I don’t start driving a Prius.
6. I voted Democrat because I’m not concerned about millions of babies being aborted so long as we keep all death row inmates alive.
7. I voted Democrat because I think illegal aliens have a right to free health care, education, and Social Security benefits, and we should take away the social security from those who paid into it.
8. I voted Democrat because I believe that business should not be allowed to make profits for themselves. They need to break even and give the rest away to the government for redistribution as the Democrats see fit.
9. I voted Democrat because I believe liberal judges need to rewrite the Constitution every few days to suit some fringe kooks who would never get their agendas past the voters.
10. I voted Democrat because I think that it’s better to pay billions to people who hate us for their oil, but not drill our own because it might upset some endangered beetle, gopher or fish.
11. I voted Democrat because while we live in the greatest, most wonderful country in the world, I was promised “HOPE AND CHANGE”.
12. I voted Democrat because my head is so firmly planted up my ass it’s unlikely that I’ll ever have another point of view.

image(Special thanks to Spiderman for webbing up that title header for us when we could come up with nothing.)

Actor Ashton Kutcher has signed up to go to space as the 500th “astronaut” of Sir Richard Branson’s
forthcoming Virgin Galactic’s SpaceShipTwo rocket plane. Kutcher is the former host of the MTV show
“Punk’d,” in which he played pranks on celebrities.

 

The Top 5 Ways to Punk Somebody in Space

5> “Open the restroom door? I’m sorry Dave, I can’t do that.”

4> “What do you mean, I didn’t buy a return ticket?!?”

3> Convince the other passengers that that’s not actually Joan
Rivers, but an alien queen who has infiltrated the ship.

2> Squirt a little mayo in the air and announce “I just had
a space-gasm!”

and The Number 1 Way to Punk Somebody in Space…

1> Fall on the table, convulsing, then Verne Troyer bursts
through your T-shirt.

[ Copyright 2012 by Chris White/TopFive.com ]

 

Parting Shot sniper-scope-2-2

Well this is going to be a really interesting “The Parting Shot”. We’re likely to see my praises sung by the Liberals and have the Conservatives and our Jewish readers screaming for my head on a platter or a pita. For the row & ruckus this is likely to cause I DO apologize but before we start I’d like to remind the readers of a couple things;

  • We here at DragonLaffs Electronic Media Enterprises champion this little thing called ‘free speech” also known as the First Amendment of the United States Constitution. I am as entitled to my point of view as you are to yours. Usually many of you claim I am preaching to the choir, occasionally any congregation is likely not to like the sermon being delivered from the pulpit. Please keep that in mind today.
  • Impish and I speak from (at least when it comes to politics) a more or less Centrist and Common Sense view point. Political agendas, Big Corporation interests generally have no place in the opinions we render. We are trying to be as object and practical with our points of view as we pragmatically can be.
  • Oft times we have the benefit of experience or knowledge that because most of you were not service personnel you may not have because it was not widely publicized or was personal experience.
  • We do not expect you to like everything we say here, but we would ask that you think about it. There are often more than 2 sides to modern issues and the facts, truth and best workable solution usually are found someplace not at any extreme but the middle ground some place.

Pentagon wants Congress to help Israel fund ‘Iron Dome’ defense system

Published: Wednesday, March 28, 2012 By The Associated Press

WASHINGTON — The Pentagon will press Congress for more money for Israel’s Iron Dome system designed to intercept short-range rockets and mortars, a boost for Israel as the Obama administration tries to dissuade the Mideast ally from launching a potential unilateral strike on Iran.
The announcement from the Pentagon on Tuesday also comes as Obama has faced election-year criticism from Republican presidential candidates and GOP lawmakers that administration support for a longtime friend has been inadequate.
“Supporting the security of the state of Israel is a top priority of President Obama and Secretary (Leon) Panetta,” Pentagon press secretary George Little said in a statement. “The Department of Defense has been in conversations with the government of Israel about U.S. support for the acquisition of additional Iron Dome systems and intends to request an appropriate level of funding from Congress to support such acquisitions based on Israeli requirements and production capacity.”
The Pentagon cited the effectiveness of the system, which in recent weeks intercepted more than 80 percent of the nearly 300 rockets and mortars fired by Palestinian militants from Gaza at southern Israel.

In a special request in the 2011 budget, the Obama administration and Congress agreed on $205 million for the Iron Dome system. The current budget included no funds for the program, but did provide millions for other Israeli missile defense programs.
Obama’s budget for next year calls for $3.1 billion in military assistance for Israel, a slight increase over the current level and the most for any foreign country.
The Pentagon statement provided no specific numbers, but congressional aides said a possible request would be the purchase of 10 battery systems at a cost of $50 million each.
Earlier this month, Obama met with Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu and pressed for diplomacy and sanctions to thwart Iran in its alleged pursuit of a nuclear weapon. Netanyahu made it clear that his country has the right to defend itself from an Iranian nuclear threat.
The chairman of the Senate Armed Services Committee said Israel’s missile defense system, including programs such as David’s Sling, Arrow and Patriot weapons, should give Iran pause.
Israel’s missile defense is a “real deterrent to Iran threatening to go nuclear,” Sen. Carl Levin, D-Mich., said in an interview.

In a speech earlier this month to AIPAC, Levin had said, “When Iran faces the fateful nuclear decision before it, it will have to recognize that should it cross the red line which would bring about military action against its nuclear facilities, its ability to retaliate, or even credibly threaten to retaliate, against Israel will be severely degraded by Israel’s missile defenses.”
Republicans see a political opening in the uneasy relationship between Washington and Jerusalem over Israeli settlements in the West Bank and the state of Mideast peace talks, further complicated by the Obama administration’s pressure on Israel to hold off on a possible military strike against Iran’s disputed nuclear development program.
The Iranian threat to Israel has stoked the bitter rhetoric both in Washington and on the presidential campaign trail, where Mitt Romney, Rick Santorum and Newt Gingrich have accused Obama of throwing Israel under a bus and emboldening the Palestinians. The fierce talk reflects that Jewish voters, who comprise only 2 percent of the electorate nationwide, are a critical part of Obama’s base and could be the difference in close battleground states such as Florida, Pennsylvania, Ohio and Nevada.
Financial contributions from Jewish voters are critical for both parties.
Congressional Democrats welcomed the Pentagon announcement as a fresh sign of the administration standing with Israel.
“Iron Dome helps give Israel the ability to protect its civilians while giving its leaders the strategic space and time to take the appropriate action to root out terrorists and carefully plan their next steps,” said Rep. Steve Rothman, D-N.J., a member of the House Appropriations defense subcommittee.
Rep. Howard Berman of California, the top Democrat on the House Foreign Affairs Committee, is a co-sponsor of legislation that would authorize the president to provide aid to Israel to buy additional Iron Dome anti-rocket systems if it requests it.
“Iron Dome is a game changer,” Berman said. “The threats Israel faces from incoming, indiscriminate terrorist rocket attacks are countered by this cutting edge anti-missile system. Iron Dome is fundamentally shifting political, diplomatic and military realities on the ground, while saving lives of innocent Israelis. Today’s statement is a further step in the right direction.”
Republican Rep. Howard “Buck” McKeon, the chairman of the House Armed Services Committee, had complained in a February letter to Obama that his “record low” budget request jeopardized Israel’s security. The letter failed to take into account the billions in military assistance for Israel that Obama had asked Congress to provide.
In a statement Tuesday, McKeon said he was “pleased that the president now acknowledges the need to increase funding to counter a deadly threat.”

 

The Pentagon wants Congress to help pay for Israel’s “Iron Dome’? defense system!

What wrong with this sentence anyone care to take a shot at answering  me? No? Gee Lethal it seem a fairly well constructed sentence grammatically and all the words are spelled right, I don’t see anything wrong with it! Well I bloody well do! Here let me show you, I’ll correct it like a teacher or editor would-

The Pentagon wants Congress already financially overburdened US Taxpayers and a US Government already 14 TRILLION dollars in debt and close to bankruptcy to help pay for Israel’s “Iron Dome’?!

Now THAT is nearly a true and accurate statement of the facts but Its still not quite yet totally right so lets have a go at it again shall we?

The Pentagon wants Congress already financially overburdened US Taxpayers and a US Government already 14 TRILLION dollars in debt and close to bankruptcy to help pay for Israel’s ( an “ally” of dubious worth who fairs regularly to take our council but depends on and demands that once they goad the Palestinians &or Arabs into attacking them the we help defend their arrogance and honor or military treaties with them by pouring money into them like a black hole for which we get little or no return) “Iron Dome’?!

Now, DO NOT MISUNDERSTAND ME! I believe in the right of the State of Israel to exist and I DO think the Palestinians are a bunch on leeches trying to use the entitlement approach to carve something for nothing out of Israel whose claim to the area is my older and more valid than either that of the Palestinians or the Muslims.

That having been said, it’s high time that Israel learned that if you are going to be a drain on our economy and military resources on a continual basis at the level which they are, that you have to dance to the majority of the tunes that the US Pipers are calling when we call them!

The US/Israel relationship situation reminds me a lot of this picture which is humorous unlike the situation.

I has backup1

The problem however is that While in the photo Israel is represented by the kitten in reality they try to treat us like they are the dog and the senior partner in this alliance.  The kitten thinks it has an unbreakable leash Treaties and defense agreements) attached to a choke chain (America’s Jewish population whom the vast majority of are extremely pro-Israel, represent a great deal of PAC money and are a formidable voter bloc.) which from it’s point of view allows it to drag us into what ever situation it deems in its best interest and not heed a damned thing we say, while simultaneously using the collar and leash to bleed us heavily (US Taxpayer dollars pouring into Israel to aid with “protect” them).

While it is commonly reported that Israel officially receives some $3 billion every year in the form of economic aid from the U.S. government, this figure is just the tip of the iceberg. There are many billions of dollars more in hidden costs and economic losses lurking beneath the surface. A recently published economic analysis has concluded that U.S. support for the state of Israel has cost American taxpayers nearly $3 trillion ($3 million millions) in 2002 dollars.

 

“The Costs to American Taxpayers of the Israeli-Palestinian Conflict: $3 Trillion” is a summary of economic research done by Thomas R. Stauffer. Stauffer’s summary of the research was published in the June 2003 issue of The Washington Report on Middle East Affairs.

 

Stauffer’s findings were first presented at an October 2002 conference sponsored by the U.S. Army College and the University of Maine. Stauffer’s analysis is “an estimate of the total cost to the U.S. alone of instability and conflict in the region – which emanates from the core Israeli-Palestinian conflict.”

“Total identifiable costs come to almost $3 trillion,” Stauffer says. “About 60 percent, well over half, of those costs – about $1.7 trillion – arose from the U.S. defense of Israel, where most of that amount has been incurred since 1973.”

 

[The Yom Kippur War, Ramadan War or October War also known as the 1973 Arab–Israeli War and the Fourth Arab–Israeli War, was fought from October 6 to 25, 1973 – Lethal]

“Support for Israel comes to $1.8 trillion, including special trade advantages, preferential contracts, or aid buried in other accounts. In addition to the financial outlay, U.S. aid to Israel costs some 275,000 American jobs each year.” The trade-aid imbalance alone with Israel of between $6-10 billion costs about 125,000 American jobs every year, Stauffer says.

The largest single element in the costs has been the series of oil-supply crises that have accompanied the Israeli-Arab wars and the construction of the Strategic Petroleum Reserve. To date these have cost the U.S. $1.5 trillion (2002 dollars), excluding the additional costs incurred since 2001, Stauffer wrote.

 

Time to drag out the Head of the DragonLaffs Electronic Media Enterprises Accounting Department here for some auditing…oh wait! That’s me!  Bloody hell! OK let’s see (scribbling on a legal pad) we got as detailed 1.7 Trillion in defense spending + 1.8 trillion on special trade etc + 1.5 trillion to protect ourselves against oil supply problems the Israeli’s antics could potentially cause us… that comes to 5 trillion 2002 dollars, (and only cover a time frame up to 10 years ago) convert to 2012 dollars (checking charts- yes there really ARE charts for such things Google it and you’ll find them)…ok conversion factor of 1.248 got it. OK so adjusted for 2012 dollars and remembering this does not address the additional cost for the last 10 years we’re looking at a total figure of 6.24 trillion dollars of support poured into Israel from 1973 until 2001.

That figure is approaching HALF of our nation deficit boys and girls! If we average the spending over that 28 year period represented and ignore such things as inflation, high costs due to technological advancements the trend to continually increase our commitment to Israel and the steadily ever climbing cost of oil for the Strategic Reserves we obtain an (IMO) extremely conservative estimate of another 2.45 trillion dollars pumped into Israel between 2001 and 2012. If you add that to the already proven 6.24 trillion you get roughly 8.7 trillion dollars, MORE than HALF the National Deficit Albatross having about our governments neck! We’re not even addressing the damage to our economy caused by the 125 thousand jobs lost every year because we’re propping up Israel’s economy at the cost of our own! The reason quite frankly (aside from addressing it being superfluous after the other figures is quite frankly I cannot even begin to figure out how to figure out the costs and damage from that!

OK so now we have a pretty clear cost analysis of what supporting Israel is  and has cost us more or less. Time to check the other side of the equation and see what benefits exactly we are reaping from this arrangement. I mean, we have to be garnering SOME tangible benefits from this arrangement since it’s costing us more than half our National Debt and threatening to bankrupt us right?

  • Intelligence: Access to Israeli intelligence is often termed as “sparse”, “reluctant”, hesitant” & “begrudgingly supplied”. The Mossad [short for HaMossad leModi’in uleTafkidim Meyuchadim (Institute for Intelligence and Special Operations)] is more concerned with obscuring its methods and protection of its sources and assets than with timely dissemination of intelligence outside of Israel. In short you can only expect to learn what they want you to know to the degree they want you to know it (or is best for them) and when its in their best interest for you to know it.
  • Co-Operation with Allies: Israel always feels it should be in the driver’s seat of any and all operations in the Middle East regardless of the possible repercussions, ESPECIALLY repercussions to the U.S. Intelligence with suddenly dry up, ‘leaks’ will suddenly turn any operation they’re are refused control of into the Titanic. Foreign intelligence assets have found themselves suddenly declared ‘persona non grata’ or ‘tagged, bagged and dragged’ across the Israeli boarders, which is exactly what it sounds like.
  • Behaving Like an Ally Instead of a Recalcitrant Spoiled Child: During  Operations Desert Shield & Desert Storm (1), more diplomatic efforts went into keeping Israel OUT of the fighting so as not to fracture the miraculous coalition the Bush Sr. had assembled than into assembling it or keeping it together. Israel did not like the fact that the coalition even existed and apparently felt threatened insulted and humiliated by the Arab insistence at their exclusion from it. Israeli demands for concessions and saber rattling were a daily occurrence and Patriot Missile batteries that SHOULD have been protecting American troops and collation forces had to be diverted to Israel to deal with the possibility of Scud missile attacks falling on Israel because it was Billboard obvious to Saddam Hussein that if he could get just ONE into Israel he could fracture the collation because Israel would with out heed to the potential dangers and damage they would do to an ally ( the US who had forces in potentially hostile countries &/or minimally friendly ones w/o a clear evac route. Israel threatened to launch its own uncoordinated with the collation air strikes by fighting their way through air space which was hostile to them and expected the US to provide them with aid to do this or they would do it anyway and the US led collation be damned because nobody attacks Israel.  Fortunate diplomacy did manage to carry the day but the Patriot Missile Batteries that before the war they were denied because of concerns that Israel, once protected by them, would become too emboldened and as a result a destabilizing influence in the region never came back home. Israel once again opportunistic as ever managed to  get its way by placing the US under extreme duress. This sound like the actions of an Ally to anyone?
  • Observation of Etiquette as it Related to Allies: The first unwritten rule of which is ‘Thou Shalt Not Spy On Your Allies, Nor Commit Acts of Espionage Against Them’. Apparently this loses just about everything when translated into Hebrew because Israel has made a habit of it from Day One. Does the name Jonathan Jay Pollard ring any bells?  How about Shamai K. Leibowitz, an FBI translator of Hebrew who was providing intel the the Israelis on our efforts to stop their spying and espionage on US soil? Israel takes US tech and then sells it to non US friendly countries, in some cases at the expense of the total collapse of  some US businesses who’s Tech they have stolen. See & read here:

Former CIA counterterrorism officer Philip Giraldi says Israel conducts more espionage against the United States than any other US ally.  http://www.presstv.ir/detail/184016.html 

A 2009 article on the subject states:

March 10, 2009  |  

Scratch a counterintelligence officer in the U.S. government and they’ll tell you that Israel is not a friend to the United States.

This is because Israel runs one of the most aggressive and damaging espionage networks targeting the U.S..  The fact of Israeli penetration into the country is not a subject oft-discussed in the media or in the circles of governance, due to the extreme sensitivity of the U.S.-Israel relationship coupled with the burden of the Israel lobby, which punishes legislators who dare to criticize the Jewish state.

Israel’s spying on the U.S., however, is a matter of public record, and neither conspiracy nor theory is needed to present the evidence.   When the FBI produces its annual report to Congress concerning “Foreign Economic Collection and Industrial Espionage,” Israel and its intelligence services often feature prominently as a threat second only to China

IF you have the stomach for it, you can read the rest of that article here: http://www.alternet.org/world/130891/breaking_the_taboo_on_israel%27s_spying_efforts_on_the_united_states/

This kind of crap is only going to continue until the cost of doing so becomes extremely prohibitive to Israel in the form of cut off US Aid that it’s too dangerous to their survival to continue.

THE STRATEGIC FUNCTIONS OF U.S. AID TO ISRAEL

By Stephen Zunes

Dr. Zunes is an assistant professor in the Department of Politics at the University of San Francisco

Since 1992, the U.S. has offered Israel an additional $2 billion annually in loan guarantees. Congressional researchers have disclosed that between 1974 and 1989, $16.4 billion in U.S. military loans were converted to grants and that this was the understanding from the beginning. Indeed, all past U.S. loans to Israel have eventually been forgiven by Congress, which has undoubtedly helped Israel’s often-touted claim that they have never defaulted on a U.S. government loan. U.S. policy since 1984 has been that economic assistance to Israel must equal or exceed Israel’s annual debt repayment to the United States. Unlike other countries, which receive aid in quarterly installments, aid to Israel since 1982 has been given in a lump sum at the beginning of the fiscal year, leaving the U.S. government to borrow from future revenues. Israel even lends some of this money back through U.S. treasury bills and collects the additional interest.

In addition, there is the more than $1.5 billion in private U.S. funds that go to Israel annually in the form of $1 billion in private tax-deductible donations and $500 million in Israeli bonds. The ability of Americans to make what amounts to tax-deductible contributions to a foreign government, made possible through a number of Jewish charities, does not exist with any other country. Nor do these figures include short- and long-term commercial loans from U.S. banks, which have been as high as $1 billion annually in recent years.

Total U.S. aid to Israel is approximately one-third of the American foreign-aid budget, even though Israel comprises just .001 percent of the world’s population and already has one of the world’s higher per capita incomes. Indeed, Israel’s GNP is higher than the combined GNP of Egypt, Lebanon, Syria, Jordan, the West Bank and Gaza. With a per capita income of about $14,000, Israel ranks as the sixteenth wealthiest country in the world; Israelis enjoy a higher per capita income than oil-rich Saudi Arabia and are only slightly less well-off than most Western European countries.

Even with all these advantages offered to no other country and as dependent as Israel is on us and the threat of US intervention in any war with Israel for its very survival they attempt to disrespect us, lead us about by the nose, circumvent our national policies, steal technology and bankrupt our companies, sell that technology to other less than friendly to the US countries.

The Pentagon want to continue its program of testing out new weapons systems using Israel as their sandbox that’s fine with me, I always felt better about deploying with a proven weapon be it personal or a weapon system I’m all for using Israel for testing them out PROVIDED-

  1. We taxpayers do not have to continue to foot the bill let Israel pay for it with all the ill gotten gains they have amasses from stealing from US Corporations or let the weapons makers who are selling these systems to the Pentagon in the first place donate the systems for extensive field testing.
  2. Appropriate measures are taken to keep Israel from selling the technology to ANY country let alone ones not friendly to the US.
  3. The US government gives Israel a swift boondocker encased foot right in the schvantz and tells them in no uncertain terms that the US is plotz with them and their antics, that their gonif spy and espionage games are oys,  Opgeflickt and we mean permanently. Otherwise we’re going to play the part of a Moyel with an unsure hand and emasculate the flow of cash and aid they get.

I think it’s high time we stop turning the other cheek to the kind of treatment and behavior we are getting from this “ally” we have enemies who respect us and treat us better than this!

To those of our Jewish readers whom I have incensed with this apparent attack on Israel, let me ask you, what are you? An American of the Jewish faith or a Jew who lives in America?

If you are the former, then you should be as mad as I am and if you have been paying through the years to support Israel though the aforementioned tax free Jewish charities, slightly furtummelt upon finding out what has really been going on.

If you number yourself among the latter case,  please make arrangements to complete all personal business in the US and a reservation on the first available El Al fight you can possibly make after completing that business and get the HELL out of my country . You are a HUGE part of my countries problem with Israel and probably are assisting them in keeping us under their treaty abusing thumb. Besides if you are so ‘Pro-Israel’ you’ll probably want to go claim your Tarvor or Galil Assault rifle and begin your mandatory period of service in the IDF just as soon as you possibly can.

With the money we can save from ceasing to support a seemingly hostile ally we can make serious strides in deficit reduction and economic recovery, especially when we repeal all those trade favors and tax those donations to a foreign nation besides.

I AM THE LETHAL LEPRECHAUN AND I BLOODY WEL SAY IT HIGH TIME THAT THE BUCK STARTED SHOWING BANG FOR ITS SPENDING WHEN IT COMES TO FOREIGN AID AND IF WE AREN’T GETTING IT THEN IT SHOULD BLOODY WELL STAY IN OUR OWN DAMNED POCKETS!

Kilted for her pleasure close

Slan go foill is Gaelic for ‘Good Bye For Now’, the rest well that should explain itself!

About lethalleprechaun

I believe in being the kind of man who, when my feet touch the floor in the morn', causes the Devil to say "BUGGER ME! HIMSELF IS UP!" ======== I'm a White Married Heterosexual who fervently believes in the war(s) we are fighting, the Second Amendment which I plan on defending with my last breath and my last round of ammunition as well as Arizona's stringent law on Immigration and the need for the border wall. I'm a right of center Con-centrist with Tea Party & Republican sympathies who drives an SUV. I am a Life Time Member of the NRA, a Charter Member of the Patriots' Border Alliance and North American Hunters Association. If there is a season for it and I can shoot one I'll eat it and proudly wear its fur. I believe PETA exists solely to be a forum for Gays, Vegetarians, Hollywood snobbery to stupid to get into politics and Soybean Growers. The ACLU stopped protecting our civil liberties sometime after the 1960s and now serves its own bigoted headline grabbing agenda much in the same way as the Southern Poverty Law Center. I am ecstatic that WE the PEOPLE finally got mad enough to rise up and take back the Government from WE the ENTITLED and reverently wish the Liberals would just get over the loss and quit whining/protesting all the time. After all they're just reaping what they've sown. I am Pro-choice both when it comes to the issue of abortion AND school prayer. I believe in a government for the people, by the people which represents and does the people's will. Therefore I an Pro States rights and mandatory term limits but against special interest group campaign contributions and soft money. I think that sports teams who allow their players to sit or take a knee during the National Anthem should be boycotted until the message is received that this is not acceptable behavior for role models for children. I believe Congressional salaries should be voted on bi-annually by the people they represent and not by themselves. I think Congress should be subject to every law they pass on the populace including any regarding Social Security or Healthcare. Speaking of the Healthcare bill (or con job as I see it) I hope Trump will overturn it and set things back to normal. I oppose the building of an Mosque or ANY Islamic center at or within a 10 mile radius of Ground Zero in New York. I will fight those in favor of this until hell freezes over and then I will continue to fight it hand to hand on the ice. Further I think the ban on immigrants from certain nations known to harbor and promote terrorism is a justified measure, at least until we can come up with better methods of vetting and tracking those non citizens we allow in the country. We did not inflict this measure on them those who refuse to point out, denounce or fight radical religious terrorism brought this upon themselves.
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5 Responses to Leprechaun Laughs # 135 for Wednesday April 4th 2012

  1. Jeanne says:

    Once again, an Excellent send, LL!

  2. L F says:

    The only chance and that is remote beyond thinking to jump start a peace process is to just cut off the 51st State of America, Israel. I am not well liked here,ever since I read the T-Shirt that says,”Don’t Worry America Israel IS Behind You” Don’t believe every thing the media hypes about Israel though she dances to America’s tune, always.

    • lethalleprechaun says:

      Lynn I was talking from PERSONAL experience. I have scars from wounds received as PROOF of Israel unwillingness to dance to “America’s tune” during Desert Storm.
      Read that as their repeated insistence that they

        WERE

      getting into the action one way or another invited or unwanted.

      The 2 liaison officers which were kept very hush hush that were forced on us became know as the ‘Every Petitioning Schmucks from the State of Perpetual Annoyance” and 8 men devoted their full time to preventing them from actively spying and eavesdropping at every turn and opportunity. Had the war gone on another week I think realistically their request to accompany a field team would have been approved and they would have fallen out of a chopper or “accidentally” KIA.

      As for not believing what the media reports, in some aspects I agree with that but in this case I have to ask if I am to interpret that to mean that the convicted spies, the companies that have gone bankrupt because of Israel’s Industrial Espionage and Hacking or the Jet engine for the Chinese J-10 having directly benefited from US tech we sold the Israelis for the Lavi Project are all just media hype and liberal bias according to you?

      I’m especially curious about you position with regard to the Chinese jet and its engine design since the reports regarding the J-10 came from the Russians and was first reported in THEIR media as it was discovered and confirmed by their Aeronautical Engineers. Reports that include statements from multiple Chinese Officials on multiple occasions as to the fact that they had an ACTUAL WORKING PROTOTYPE IAI Lavi in their facilities at their testing and design facility in Chengdu! Also since it is reported and discussed in as prestigious a military journal as IHS Jane’s: Defense & Security Intelligence & Analysis if you are lumping them with the hype peddling media you claim is doing Israel an injustice in its reporting.

  3. Cloie says:

    The Iron Dome, well I said you want it -you build it without our help. Let’s face it when the chips are down there willn’t be one country that will send aid to the USA. We need to start thinking about how we can get us out of the mess we are in.It really makes me a shame of the way our prez talks about our service men and women who our fighting for our freedoms here at home.
    My hubby was in the Navy for 22 yrs, he would mad as hell at the way things are today. Come Nov we need a change cause an 4 yrs of what we have had will kill the American dreams. Our fore fathers must be turning over in the graves.

    • lethalleprechaun says:

      Amen!

      Author! Author!

      Welcome to the ranks of the DL/LL Common Sense & Decency Lockstep Choir Cloie.

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