Good Morning Campers! Well, as of the final draft of this issue of your favorite e-zine is being tightened up, it’s Friday night before it’s publication date. I’m still on the road in Texas and sadly, it looks as though the Leprechaun and the dragon are not destined to meet up this time around either.
I know. It’s really sad. I’ve a tear in my eye as I write this.
But I do know that both of us have entries into the huge mega-millions lottery that is going on tonight, so if either one of us hits, he will not only share with the other, but will make arrangements for us to finally meet face to face. So, if for some reason you guys don’t get your dragon laffs in the morning, it may be because we are 600+ million dollars richer and we’re out celebrating!
But, if you’re reading this now, it means that we didn’t win and it’s all a moot point anyway. I’ll wait to publish this till in the morning and you can expect to find out the results in the Last Word.
But for now…
Well, anyone that knows me, knows that I’m addicted to mine. When my boss saw this cartoon, he sent it around through email to all the guys who know me and said, “I saw this and I just thought of him.”
Well, at least it’s a somewhat safe addiction.
This is great fun…and clean. Imagine that!
Although you can see the punch line coming from a mile away, it’s still a funny joke
Never Believe An Irishman
An Irishman was drinking in a bar in London when he gets a call
on his cell phone.
He orders drinks for everybody in the bar as he announces his wife has just produced a typical Irish baby boy weighing 25 pounds.
Nobody can believe that any new baby can weigh in at 25 pounds,
but the man just shrugs,
“That’s about average up our way, folks…like I said – my boy’s a typical County Clare baby boy..”
Two weeks later the man returns to the bar.. The bartender says,
“Say, you’re the father of that typical Irish baby that weighed 25
pounds at birth, aren’t you?
Everybody’s been making’ bets about how big he’d be in two weeks
…. so how much does he weigh now?”
The proud father answers, “Seventeen pounds.”
The bartender is puzzled and concerned. “What happened?”
“He was 25 pounds the day he was born.”
The father takes a slow swig of his Jameson Irish Whisky, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans into the bartender and proudly says,
“Had him circumcised.”
We were dressed, and ready to go out for the New Years Eve Party. We turned on a night light, turned the answering machine on, covered our pet parakeet, and put the cat in the backyard.
We phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi. The taxi arrived and we opened the front door to leave the house.
As we walked out the door, the cat we had put out in the yard, scoots back into the house. We didn’t want the cat shut in the house. Because she always tries to eat the bird.
My wife goes on out to the taxi, while I went back inside to get the cat. The cat runs upstairs, with me in hot pursuit. Waiting in the cab, my wife doesn’t want the driver to know that the house will be empty for the night. So, she explains to the taxi driver that I will be out soon, ‘He’s just going upstairs to say Goodbye to my mother.’
A few minutes later, I get into the cab. ‘Sorry I took so long,’ I said, as we drove away. ‘That stupid bitch was hiding under the bed. I had to poke her ass with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take off, so I grabbed her by the neck. Then, I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. But it worked! I hauled her fat ass downstairs and threw her out into the back yard!’
The cab driver hit a parked car.
I really like this guys attitude! LOL!
Caught on tape, this really is as bad as it gets. I tried to find it on youtube so you wouldn’t have to click a link, but I couldn’t find it. So, here’s the original link that was sent to me.
As of the writing of this particular piece, the mega-million lottery is over 600 million dollars. It would be wonderful to win the money and be set for life…be able to be philanthropic and help people, buy a house for cash. Leave a hundred dollar tip for a cup of coffee, the biggest though, would be not having so much worry.
Anyway, in the spirit of the odds of winning, here are 15 things that are MORE likely to happen to you then winning this lottery.
15 Things More Likely to Happen than Winning Mega Millions
Mar 30, 2012 4:45 AM EDT
Oh Google! You are in SO much trouble.
Thanks to K² for this quick opinion piece. Couldn’t have said it better myself:
After reading the headlines about the US soldier who shot up
Afghanistan civilians, I couldn’t help noticing an irony. There is
all this clamor to try this guy quickly and execute him, never mind
his having suffered a traumatic brain injury.
Yet this Major Hasan, who shot up Fort Hood while screaming Allah
akbar, still hasn’t stood trial, and they are still debating whether
he was insane, even with the clear evidence regarding his motive:
slay as many infidels as possible. So we have a guy in a war zone
who cracks, and he must be executed immediately.
But this Muslim psychiatrist who was stateside in a nice safe
office all day murders 13, wounds 29 of our own guys, and they try to
argue the poor lad suffered post-traumatic stress syndrome, from
listening to real soldiers who had actual battle experience. Two and
a half years later, they still haven’t tried the murderous bastard.
I’ll bet there are a lot of you out there that thought I was a big winner in the megamillions lottery because this is so late in arriving.
I wish it were true.
Instead, because I waited and didn’t set the issue to autopost, when the power was shut off this morning, I had no internet connection to send it out. I gathered that this was a planned outage, across the whole base. But if it was planned from 0700 to 1700 hrs…10 hours, I know it’s impossible to have generators at every building, but I would think that lodging would have their own.
But they did plan to bring one in.
And here they are hooking it up:
The actual generator is out of the picture to the left in the parking lot. These guys are running the wires to the junction box and hooking it up so that we’ll have some ‘lectricity. But…. what the heck are they doing?
Yes…that’s a rubber glove being used as an insulator. Well, whatever works and whatever gets me power! Go guys! Go!
So…why wasn’t it set up the night before?
That’s a really good question…and maybe they planned on it and other things got in the way. Who knows. But at about 1000 hrs local, the power did come back on and I was able to check the Megamillions web site and …
I WAS A WINNER!!!!!
I WON!!! I WON!!! I WON!!!
I bought five tickets at a dollar a piece, and on one of them I got the power ball number correct, so ….
according to the web site….
I’m actually $3 in the hole?
And counting the $5 from the last time that I didn’t win anything, I’m now $8 in the hole…