Dragon Laffs #1250


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Good Morning Campers…adult-Content2_thumb1_thumb_thumb_thWow, what a jam packed issue we have for you today.  From Reptile Dysfunction to really old Oklahoma jokes and jut about everything you can imagine in between.

I hope everyone had a marvelous Thanksgiving the other day… at Chambre de Dragon, we had a marvelous day with many of the traditional Thanksgiving Day experiences.  The chocolate covered virgins were especially nice.  And the Village Pillage Festival went off without a hitch! 

and of course, watching the great Green Bay Packers go to 11-0 was one of the highlights of the day!
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So then….without further ado, let’s move on and get to the good stuff!

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Following the debate in Las Vegas, Michele Bachmann got an
endorsement and a kiss from Wayne Newton. Don’t worry,
the hepatitis vaccine will kick in before she ever has a
chance to take office. Meanwhile, Rick Santorum put
all $12 of his campaign war chest on red.
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Hillary Clinton told the Today Show she can’t wait to step down
as Secretary of State and return to private life. She said
she wants to spend more time with her husband. Her husband
promptly sent her a text from Los Angeles telling her that
her country needs her.
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President Obama has still raised more money from Wall Street
donors than any Republican presidential candidate, leading most
people to finally realize that “Occupy Wall Street” is a protest
movement, it’s the president’s collection agency.

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http://sports.yahoo.com/nascar/blog/from_the_marbles/post/Behold-the-greatest-Hot-Wheels-track-in-human-hi?urn=nascar-wp4642 
This, friends, is some fun: a 2,000-foot-long Hot Wheels track that goes up and down multiple stories, through 14 rooms of a house, outdoors and back in again, and even over a hot tub. You know, just like NASCAR used to do it. (For perspective’s sake, if we use the typical 1/64 ratio of Hot Wheels cars, this is the equivalent of a 24-mile-long race track.)

This is a charitable effort designed to raise money for “Hope for Gabe,” a charitable foundation to help fight Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy. More details at this link and in the video itself.

Great track, great cause, great video. Sure hope those kids clean up that mess they’ve made.

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Yes, I know it’s been done a hundred times already…
And yes, I know it’s an old joke…

How  do YOU pronounce   Oklahoma ?

Do  you think it’s  correct?

There  is a right way and a wrong way to  pronounce    Oklahoma ….

If you  say  OK…LAHOMA

You’re WRONG

The  proper way  is:

OKLA …….HOMA
There’s a gap

between the  ‘a’ and the  ‘h’.

I can  prove  it…

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There!  You learned something today!

I do love these educational emails.

…but I just can’t help myself… (for pretty obvious reasons!)

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The Montana Department of Employment, Division of Labor Standards claimed a small rancher was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to investigate him.

GOV’T AGENT: “I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them.”

RANCHER: ”Well, there’s my hired hand who’s been with me for 3 years. I pay him $200 a week plus free room and board.
Then there’s the mentally challenged guy. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here.

He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night so he can cope with life.

He also sleeps with my wife occasionally.”

GOV’T AGENT: “That’s the guy I want to talk to – the mentally challenged one.”

RANCHER: “That would be me.”

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This one is so bad, I can’t possibly make the warning big enough.  Looks like Tom is giving the groaner record a run for it’s money:

Mary Poppins decides to grow some vegetables. When she picks her crop in the autumn, her carrots, potatoes, onions, and spring beans have all failed, but her cauliflowers have grown a treat.

She picks them, cooks some for Sunday lunch in a cheese sauce, and they taste wonderful.
 
After eating them for a week she notices two things.
 
Firstly, her lips are full and glossy, unchapped, uncracked, and require absolutely no lip gloss to make them look full and pouty.
 
Secondly, she has really awful bad breath, and even her cat won’t come near her.
 
Pleased with her lips, however, and spotting a money-making idea, she contacts a big cosmetics company and explains about the lip-enhancing qualities of her cauliflower crop.
 
After a month of testing, the company buys the entire crop of cauliflowers for a phenomenal amount and requests that Mary grow some more as soon as possible.
 
The company proceeds to make lipstick out of them but experiences problems in the the final product manufacture. The lipstick does not gel correctly into a solid stick and ends up crumbling upon application. Quality controllers also find that, even as a lipstick, the bad breath remains and have to put it down as an unfortunate side effect.
 
As they are nearing their production deadline and adverts for this new wonder lip Enhancer have hit the streets, the cosmetics company has no choice but to produce the packaging with the following caution.
 
Poppins’ Pop-up Lip Enhancer:
SUPER CAULI, FRAGILE LIPSTICK – EXPECT-HALITOSIS

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This is just plain bloody awful!

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Motivational Hungry Hippos

You have 5 seconds

News Readers

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The Six Ways You’ll See Your Dad

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Signs

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This one will really make you think about keeping your lead foot out of the pedal!

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Libyan officials say that before he was killed, Mohammar Gadhafi
hid $200 Billion. When told about this, Wall Street executives
said, “Amateur!”

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And another hat is thrown into the ring!
Thanks to Lucille for this groaner.  (Hi ya Lucille…long time…)

Little Rabbit FooFoo
One day, Little Rabbit FooFoo was hopping through the forest, snatching all the mice,
and bonking them on the head.
A good fairy appeared. “Little Rabbit FooFoo, what you’re doing is evil! Stop it,
or Mother Nature will turn you into something gooney!” she said.
Little Rabbit FooFoo just laughed and laughed.
The next day, Little Rabbit FooFoo was again hopping through the forest, snatching
all the mice, and bonking them on the head.
Again, the good fairy appeared. “Little Rabbit FooFoo, I told you that’s evil! Stop
it, or Mother Nature will turn you into something gooney!” she said.
Again, Little Rabbit FooFoo just laughed and laughed.
The next day, Little Rabbit FooFoo was still hopping through the forest, snatching
all the mice, and bonking them on the head.
Mother Nature appeared, and, abracadabra! Little Rabbit FooFoo was turned into an
ugly goon, never to terrorize mice again.
The moral?
Hare today, goon tomorrow…

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It’s true!  I read it on the internet, so it must be true!

I have found on the internet a bunch of people who are convinced that the appropriate greeting when meeting a space alien is “Gnorts.”
 
Why “Gnorts” you say?

It simple. In the heavily-orchestrated, gov’t-disinformation-rich Apollo Moon landing program, what was the name the gov’t used to refer to the first man who landed on the Moon?

“Neil Armstrong.”

Yeah, right, as if that is his *real* name. Turns out it was in code. Backwards, it is:

Gnorts, Mr. Alien

Now you know the real story

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Today’s Last Word…comes to us via my dad.  Thanks Dad!  Hey, you’re becoming a major contributor to this ezine!  But don’t think that means you’re getting your name on the masthead!

Current European Tax Rates
United Kingdom 
Income Tax: 50% 
VAT: 17.5% TOTAL: 67.5%

France 
Income Tax: 40% 
VAT: 19.6% TOTAL: 59.6%

Greece 
Income Tax: 40% 
VAT: 25% TOTAL: 65%

Spain 
Income Tax: 45% 
VAT: 16% TOTAL: 61%

Portugal 
Income Tax: 42% 
VAT: 20% TOTAL: 62%

Sweden 
Income Tax: 55% 
VAT: 25% TOTAL: 80%

Norway 
Income Tax: 54.3% 
VAT: 25% TOTAL: 79.3%

Netherlands 
Income Tax: 52% 
VAT: 19% TOTAL: 71%

Denmark 
Income Tax: 58% 
VAT: 25% TOTAL: 83%

Finland 
Income Tax: 53% 
VAT: 22% TOTAL: 75%

If you’ve started to wonder what the real costs of socialism are going to be – once the full program in these United States hits your wallet, take a look at the table. As you digest these mind-boggling figures, keep in mind that in spite of these astronomical tax rates, these countries are still NOT financing their social welfare programs exclusively from tax revenues! They are deeply mired in public debt of gargantuan proportions. Greece has reached the point where its debt is so huge it is in imminent danger of defaulting.. That is the reason the European economic community has intervened to bail them out. If you’re following the financial news, you know Spain and Portugal are right behind Greece.

The United States is now heading right down the same path. The VAT tax in the table is the national sales tax that Europeans pay… Stay tuned because that is exactly what you can expect to see the administration proposing after the fall elections.  The initial percentage in the United States isn’t going to be anywhere near the outrageous numbers you now see in Europe. Guess what. The current outrageous numbers in Europe didn’t start out as outrageous either. They started out as minuscule – right around the 1% or 2% where they will start out in the United States.. Magically, however, they ran up over the years to where they are now. Expect the same thing here.  (“9-9-9” anyone ???).

It is the very notion that with hard work and perseverance, anybody can get ahead economically here in the USA. Do you think that can ever happen with tax rates between 60% and 80%? Think again. With the government taking that percentage of your money, your life will be exactly like life in Europe . . . You will never be able to buy a home. You will never buy a car. You will never send your children to college. Let’s not shuffle the battle cry of the socialists under the rug either. It’s always the same cry. Equalize income. Spread the wealth to the poor (whoever they are). Level the economic playing field. Accomplish that and everything will be rosy.

It’s time to take a really hard look at reality. Greece is a perfect example. Despite the socialist system that has ruled this country for decades, with a 65% tax rate, they are drowning in public debt, would have defaulted without hundreds of billions in bailout money from the EU, and still . . . 20% of their population lives in poverty. What has all that socialism money bought, besides ultimate power for the politicians running the show? Do you think these people are “free?” They’re not. They are slaves to their economic “system.”
 
NOTE:  Germany is NOT on the list !  Germany is the best welfare economy in Europe!  Everyone pays at least 14%. Tax rates are progressive to a maximum of 45% … What is the message here ???


Instead of spreading the wealth around, spread this info around. It might wake up some people.
 
If you agree with this, forward it.
If you do not agree with it, read it again.

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2 Responses to Dragon Laffs #1250

  1. <—– Re-reading to search for "Little Rabbit FooFoo" ….

    And, I loved the Euro tax statistics.

  2. lethalleprechaun says:

    With regards to “Little Rabbit FooFoo”…so THAT’S where liberals come from!

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