Dragon Laffs #1244


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Welcome to campGood Morning Campers… October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month, as many of you know, this is an important topic to me.  There is a permanent link on the right column of the blog page for the Breast Cancer Site, a site who’s dedicated to providing free mammograms to Women and to date, they have provided 52,859 mammograms since October of 2000. 
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It costs you nothing.  Click on the above banner and then click where it says
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and you are helping.  Make it a habit, do this every day! 

Breast Cancer is a horrible disease that will affect roughly 1 in 7 women this year.

It’s a horrible problem, and a lousy topic for a humor e-zine, but you know, one of the things that makes us humans, is our ability to laugh through adversity, laugh in the face of tragedy, and spit in the eye of the devil. And like our motto says: Battling the World’s B.S. one laff at a time.  So … 

 

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Two lawyers were walking along, negotiating a case.

“Look,” said one to the other, “let’s be honest with each other.”

“Okay, you first,” replied the other.

That was the end of the discussion.

 

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A Pastor goes to the dentist for a set of false teeth. The first Sunday
after he gets his new teeth, he talks for only eight minutes. The second
Sunday, he talks for only ten minutes. The following Sunday, he talks
for 2 hours and 48 minutes.

The congregation had to mob him to get him down from the pulpit and they
asked him what happened.

The Pastor explains the first Sunday his gums hurt so bad he couldn’t
talk for more than 8 minutes. The second Sunday his gums hurt too much
to talk for more than 10 minutes. But, the third Sunday, he put his
wife’s teeth in by mistake and he couldn’t shut up…

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At a wedding party recently someone yelled,

“All married men please stand next to the one person who has made your life worth living.”

The bartender was almost crushed to death.

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President Obama’s re-election campaign is doing a contest where
contributors can win a chance to have dinner with the president.
Or, if you come in 2nd place, a mid-afternoon Hot Pocket
with Joe Biden.

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Test your knowledge with 11 questions, and then be ready to shudder when you see how others did.

 
This was a neat little quiz.  I got 10 out of the 11 right.  If you look at the left column at the end of the quiz, you can click on a tab “How You Did Question by Question” and that will give you a break down of the questions you answered correctly.  And then at the bottom of THAT page, you can find a link called “Read the Report” that goes into a nice article on what the quiz means and how the results pan out.  Very nice.  Thanks to John for sending this one in.
 

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Are you thinking of buying a boat? Not sure if it’s a good and strong boat? Wonder how strong the hull is?
Well then, have no fear. Now there is the Bubba Test for boats. The following video will demonstrate this
Very valuable test. Some would call this a “Redneck” test.
Click on Tough boats below

Tough boats
<http://WWW.toughboats.Com/video.cfm?fullscreen=1&filename=Toughboats_BubbaCRevLegal>

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Thanks to Hank for this straight-forward logic:

If you can answer this correctly, you can answer the question on what action to take on raising the Federal debt ceiling.

You come home from work and find there has been a sewer backup and you have sewage up to your ceiling.

What do you do…. raise the ceiling, or pump out the Shit?

You may give your answer in November of 2012

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If this doesn’t chap your ass, then you aren’t paying attention:
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A three-year-old regularly watched football games with his father. So much so, that he knew some of the signals the referee makes. On a recent Sunday, the three-year-old attended church with the family. As the pastor raised his hands high to offer a blessing, the child interrupted the service by shouting, “Touchdown!”

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The Jewish man said, “Last week, my wife and I had great sex. I rubbed her body all over with schmaltz (chicken fat), we made passionate love, and she screamed for five full minutes at the end!”

The Frenchman boasted, “Last week when my wife and I had sex, I rubbed her body all over with butter. We then made passionate love and she screamed for 10 minutes!”

The Italian man said, “Well, last week my wife and I also had sex. I rubbed her body all over with olive oil. We made love, and she screamed for over six hours!”

The other two were stunned.

The amazed Frenchman asked, “What could you have possibly done to make your wife scream for six hours?”

The Italian said…………”I wiped my hands on the bedspread.”

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Saw that coming

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Today’s Last Word…Comes from the Breast Cancer Site’s informational tab: Part 1

Learning the facts about breast cancer and formulating an early detection plan are important ways to protect yourself and your loved ones. Please take a moment to learn more about breast cancer with this important information from the National Breast Cancer Foundation, our partner and beneficiary.

Please click here to learn about the U.S. Preventive Services Task Force’s mammogram guidelines, released in 2009, as well as other recommendations for when to start and how often to get a mammogram.

 


Overview1

Breast cancer is the most common malignancy in women and the second leading cause of cancer death (exceeded by lung cancer in 1985). Breast cancer is three times more common than all gynecologic malignancies put together. The incidence of breast cancer has been increasing steadily from an incidence of 1:20 in 1960 to 1:7 women today.

The National Breast Cancer Foundation estimates that each year over 200,000 new cases of breast cancer will be diagnosed and over 40,000 patients will die from the disease. Breast cancer is truly an epidemic among women and we don’t know why.

“When breast cancer is found early, the five-year survival rate is 96%.” 
—National Breast Cancer Foundation

Breast cancer is not exclusively a disease of women. For every 100 women with breast cancer, 1 male will develop the disease. The National Breast Cancer Foundation estimates that approximately 1,700 men will develop the disease and 450 will die each year. The evaluation of men with breast masses is similar to that in women, including mammography.

The incidence of breast cancer is very low in a person’s twenties, gradually increases and plateaus at the age of forty-five, and increases dramatically after age fifty. Fifty percent of breast cancer is diagnosed in women over sixty-five, indicating the ongoing necessity of yearly screening throughout a woman’s life.

Breast cancer is considered a heterogeneous disease, meaning that it is a different disease in different women, a different disease in different age groups, and has different cell populations within the tumor itself. Generally, breast cancer is a much more aggressive disease in younger women. Autopsy studies show that 2% of the population has undiagnosed breast cancer at the time of death. Older women typically have much less aggressive disease than younger women.


 

Facts

  • Every two minutes a woman is diagnosed with breast cancer.
  • One woman in eight who lives to age 85 will develop breast cancer during her lifetime.
  • Breast cancer is the leading cause of death in women between the ages of 40 and 55.
  • Seventy percent of all breast cancers are found through breast self-exams. Not all lumps are detectable by touch. We recommend regular mammograms and monthly breast self-exams.
  • Eight out of ten breast lumps are not cancerous. If you find a lump, don’t panic-call your doctor for an appointment.
  • Mammography is a low-dose X-ray examination that can detect breast cancer up to two years before it is large enough to be felt.
  • When breast cancer is found early, the five-year survival rate is 96%. This is good news! Over 2 million breast cancer survivors are alive in America today.


 

Risk Factors1

Early onset of menses and late menopause: Onset of the menstrual cycle prior to the age of 12 and menopause after 50 causes increased risk of developing breast cancer.

Diets high in saturated fat: The types of fat are important. Monounsaturated fats such as canola oil and olive oil do not appear to increase the risk of developing breast cancer like polyunsaturated fats, corn oil, and meat.

Family history of breast cancer: Patients with a positive family history of breast cancer are at increased risk for developing the disease. However, it is important to note that 85% of women with breast cancer have no family history of the disease.

Family history only includes immediate relatives: mother, sisters, and daughters. If a family member was post-menopausal (fifty or older) when she was diagnosed with breast cancer, the lifetime risk is only increased 5%. If the family member was premenopausal, the lifetime risk is 18.6%. If the family member was premenopausal and had bilateral breast cancer, the lifetime risk is 50%.

Genetic testing of the BRCA1 and BRCA2 genes is increasingly being integrated into clinical care for appropriately counseled adults who meet established criteria for this testing. [Certain variations of the BRCA1 and BRCA2 genes lead to an increased risk for breast cancer.] The American Society of Clinical Oncologists (ASCO) and the National Comprehensive Cancer Network (NCCN) are among the professional healthcare organizations that have published criteria for genetic counseling/testing and cancer risk management. Increased and earlier surveillance, chemoprevention (tamoxifen, oral contraceptives) and surgical interventions (mastectomy, oophorectomy — removal of the ovaries and fallopian tubes) are among the current early detection and risk-reducing strategies discussed with women undergoing BRCA testing. In contrast to breast cancer, there is no reliable early detection for ovarian cancer, which is often fatal due to late stage at diagnosis. Therefore, oophorectomy is generally recommended between ages 35-40 or upon completion of childbearing for women at high risk for ovarian cancer. Despite initial concerns about insurance coverage discrimination, many insurers, including major indemnity plans (BC/BS, Aetna, Kaiser, etc.) recognize the healthcare benefits of this BRCA testing and cover test and genetic consultation fees when deemed medically necessary. To date, more than 10,000 women and men have had BRCA testing. Similar to other medical tests, BRCA test results are often used to substantiate the need for the early detection and risk-reducing options available for individuals at high-risk for breast and ovarian cancers.

“Women at increased risk should talk with their doctors about the benefits and limitations of starting mammography screening earlier, having additional tests, or having more frequent exams.” 
—American Cancer Society

Late or no pregnancies: Pregnancies prior to the age of twenty-six are somewhat protective. Nuns have a higher incidence of breast cancer.

Moderate alcohol intake: Greater than two alcoholic beverages per day.

Estrogen replacement therapy: Most studies indicate that taking estrogen longer than ten years may lead to a slight increase in risk for developing breast cancer. However, these studies indicate that the positive benefits of taking estrogen as far as reducing the risk for osteoporosis, heart disease and now more recently Alzheimer’s and colon cancer, far outweigh the slight increase in risk that may be associated with estrogen replacement therapy.

Caution should be exercised in those women with a significantly positive family history of breast cancer or atypical intraductal hyperplasia [an abnormal production of cells within the duct system of the breast. Women who have atypical intraductal hyperplasia have an increased risk of breast cancer]. Women with breast cancer are not currently given estrogen replacement. There are no scientific studies currently justifying this practice. However, until those studies are available, women are conventionally taken off estrogen as a precautionary measure.

History of prior breast cancer: Patients with a prior history of breast cancer are at increased risk for developing breast cancer in the other breast. This risk is 1% per year or a lifetime risk of 10%. The reason for close clinical follow-up after the diagnosis of breast cancer is not only to detect recurrence of the disease, but also to detect breast cancer in the opposite breast.

Female: The mere fact of being female increases the risk of developing breast cancer. However, for every 100 women with breast cancer, 1 male will develop the disease.

Therapeutic irradiation to chest wall, i.e. for Hodgkins Disease (cancer of the lymph nodes): Patients who have had therapeutic irradiation to the chest are at increased risk for developing breast cancer approximately 10 years later, and consideration should be given to earlier screening in this population.

Moderate obesity: The relationship of breast cancer to obesity is more complex but associated with an increased risk.


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10 Responses to Dragon Laffs #1244

  1. Bobbie Roever the Train Loving Mad Polish Kielbassa Wielding Spammer says:

    Fantastic site. Lots of helpful information here. I am sending it to a few buddies ans also sharing in delicious. And obviously, thank you to your effort!

  2. Impish,

    Marilyn cheered when I told her she was mentioned in a DragonLaffs comment. 🙂 Made my evening to see her big smile.

    Lethal … what can I say. They occur on occasion. Regardless of how I try to subdue them, sometimes they break through the defense line. :p

  3. Uhhhh, no Lethal. I was referring to ‘myself’ as being a momentary representartive of “We The People”, and applauding your remarks about the comment stawki oc left regarding outsourcing to India.

    Big headed of me, I know, but I it was one of those moments that I just couldn’t stop myself.

  4. Standing ovation to Lethal’s response from the “We The People” section!

    • lethalleprechaun says:

      Uhhh…thanks Angelia. I’m guessing you are referring to my remarks in the Extra Breaking News Edition?
      I can’t say I recall doing a “We Are the People” thing recently.

  5. stawki oc says:

    i do a lot of article submissions in a week or two and i hire some writers from india and other countries to do my stuf ;*.

    • lethalleprechaun says:

      And BOY does it ever show too!

      Try using quality English is our first language writers for proper grammar and spelling!

      Stop outsourcing American jobs you SPAM peddling sack of East European crap!

      Go back to your job answering reward points phones with “Dis Peggy. How I help you?”

  6. Great issue, Impish. I laughed and laughed at the vid with the cattle and the remote control dune-hopper!

    And, thx for the wonderful promotionals on breast CA awareness and support. Sitting less than ten feet away, while I write this during my night shift at bleep.bleep.bleep. is my friend Marilyn – breast cancer survivor. I’m very thankful she survived, or I’d have never met her, or had the privielge of being friends with her, and honest – she’s as funny as you and Lethal! 🙂

    Live, love, laugh …. we try to do allll that ’round here!

    God bless!

    • impishdragon says:

      Thank you so much Angelia, for the very nice words. They are deeply appreciated and, as I’m sure you’ve gathered, are what makes it all worth while.

      Very pleased to meet you Marilyn and congratulations and God Bless you on your survival.

      Cheers,

      Impish

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