Good Morning Campers… I’m so excited! I got my new mug in the mail last night from our Dragon Laffs store! It is way cool! And there’s still a little time left to get your 911 mug!
It’s Saturday, a day of rest and relaxation…unless you’re married, then it’s a day normally overwhelmingly orchestrated by a Honey-Do List from the wonderful women in our lives (Yes, she’s probably listening to us right now!) So, while I start this small list of things that need to be done today (wink, wink, nod, nod…I’m really hiding out in my private cavern) Why don’t you guys get to today’s issue?
FOR THOSE WHO LOVE THE PHILOSOPHY OF AMBIGUITY, AS WELL AS THE
IDIOSYNCRASIES OF ENGLISH:
1. DON’T SWEAT THE PETTY THINGS AND DON’T PET THE SWEATY THINGS.
2. ONE TEQUILA, TWO TEQUILA, THREE TEQUILA, FLOOR.
3. ATHEISM IS A NON-PROPHET ORGANIZATION.
4. IF MAN EVOLVED FROM MONKEYS AND APES, WHY DO WE STILL HAVE MONKEYS AND
5 THE MAIN REASON THAT SANTA IS SO JOLLY IS BECAUSE HE KNOWS WHERE
ALL THE BAD GIRLS LIVE.
6. I WENT TO A BOOKSTORE AND ASKED THE SALESWOMAN, “WHERE’S THE SELF-HELP SECTION?” SHE SAID IF SHE TOLD ME, IT WOULD DEFEAT THE PURPOSE.
7. WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS?
8. IF A DEAF CHILD SIGNS SWEAR WORDS, DOES HIS MOTHER WASH HIS HANDS WITH SOAP?
9. IF SOMEONE WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES THREATENS TO KILL HIMSELF, IS IT CONSIDERED A HOSTAGE SITUATION?
10. IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM?
11. WHERE DO FOREST RANGERS GO TO “GET AWAY FROM IT ALL?”
12. WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU SEE AN ENDANGERED ANIMAL EATING AN
13. IF A PARSLEY FARMER IS SUED, CAN THEY GARNISH HIS WAGES?
14. WOULD A FLY WITHOUT WINGS BE CALLED A WALK?
15. WHY DO THEY LOCK GAS STATION BATHROOMS? ARE THEY AFRAID SOMEONE WILL CLEAN THEM?
16. IF A TURTLE DOESN’T HAVE A SHELL, IS HE HOMELESS OR NAKED?
17. CAN VEGETARIANS EAT ANIMAL CRACKERS?
18. IF THE POLICE ARREST A MIME, DO THEY TELL HIM HE HAS THE RIGHT TO
19. WHY DO THEY PUT BRAILLE ON THE DRIVE-THROUGH BANK MACHINES?
20. HOW DO THEY GET DEER TO CROSS THE ROAD ONLY AT THOSE YELLOW ROAD SIGNS?
21. WHAT WAS THE BEST THING BEFORE SLICED BREAD?
22. ONE NICE THING ABOUT EGOTISTS: THEY DON’T TALK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE.
25. HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE A CIVIL WAR?
26. IF ONE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMER DROWNS, DO THE REST DROWN TOO?
27. IF YOU ATE BOTH PASTA AND ANTIPASTO, WOULD YOU STILL BE HUNGRY?
28. IF YOU TRY TO FAIL, AND SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU DONE?
29. WHOSE CRUEL IDEA WAS IT FOR THE WORD ‘LISP’ TO HAVE ‘S’ IN IT?
30. WHY ARE HEMORRHOIDS CALLED “HEMORRHOIDS” INSTEAD OF “ASSTEROIDS”?
31. WHY IS IT CALLED TOURIST SEASON IF WE CAN’T SHOOT AT THEM?
32. WHY IS THERE AN EXPIRATION DATE ON SOUR CREAM?
33. IF YOU SPIN AN ORIENTAL PERSON IN A CIRCLE THREE TIMES, DO THEY
34. CAN AN ATHEIST GET INSURANCE AGAINST ACTS OF GOD ?
Not what you think….
More Puns from our resident Punster, Diaman:
Back seat drivers seldom run out of gas.
Bees take over an entire house!
And now, for another round of Dear (blank), Sincerely, (blank)…
This gives us something to think about with all our new electronic technology.
A friend had their car broken into while they were at a football game. Their car was parked on the green which was adjacent to the football stadium and specially allotted to football fans. Things stolen from the car included a garage door remote control, some money and a GPS which had been prominently mounted on the dashboard.
When the victims got home, they found that their house had been ransacked and just about everything worth anything had been stolen.
The thieves had used the GPS to guide them to the house. They then used the garage remote control to open the garage door and gain entry to the house. The thieves knew the owners were at the football game, they knew what time the game was scheduled to finish and so they knew how much time they had to clean out the house. It appeared that they had brought a truck to empty the house of its contents.
Something to consider if you have a GPS – don’t put your home address in it. Put a nearby address (like a store or gas station) so you can still find your way home if you need to, but no one else would know where you live if your GPS were stolen.
MOBILE PHONES — I would never have thought of this…….
This lady has now changed her habit of how she lists her names on her mobile phone after her handbag was stolen. Her handbag, which contained her cell phone, credit card, wallet… etc… was stolen.
20 minutes later when she called her hubby, from a pay phone telling him what had happened, hubby says ‘I received your text asking about our Pin number and I’ve replied a little while ago.’
When they rushed down to the bank, the bank staff told them all the money was already withdrawn. The thief had actually used the stolen cell phone to text ‘hubby’ in the contact list and got hold of the pin number. Within 20 minutes he had withdrawn all the money from their bank account.
Moral of the lesson:
Do not disclose the relationship between you and the people in your contact list.
Avoid using names like Home, Honey, Hubby, Sweetheart, Dad, Mom, etc….
And very importantly, when sensitive info is being asked through texts, CONFIRM by calling back.
Also, when you’re being text by friends or family to meet them somewhere, be sure to call back to confirm that the message came from them. If you don’t reach them, be very careful about going places to meet ‘family and friends’ who text you.
*PLEASE PASS THIS ON
* I never thought about the above!
As of now, I no longer have ‘home’ listed on my cell phone.
Even if this does not pertain to you….Pass it on to your family & friends
This is as good an explanation as any that I’ve heard!
To understand the above Motivational…you have to have seen the movie…
The Tonight Show With Jay Leno
- Italy is asking China to help bail them out of their debt crisis. Doesn’t that make you mad? Hey Italy, China is our sugar daddy.
- The Democrats lost a seat they’ve held in New York since the 1920s. The White House said, “At least President Obama created one new job.”
- Dick Cheney was grilled by the women of “The View.” So apparently he’s willing to undergo torture himself to prove a point.
- After saying the jobs bill is paid for, President Obama now says that it will be paid for by raising taxes over 10 years. I can’t figure out if he’s the kind of guy who makes infomercials, or the kind of guy who falls for infomercials.
POV from K²
You may have heard on the news about a southern California man that was placed under 72-hour psychiatric observation when it was found he owned 100 guns and allegedly had an estimated 1-million rounds of ammunition stored in his home. His house also had a secret escape tunnel. My favorite quote from the television reporter was, “Wow! He has about a million machine gun bullets.” The headline referred to it as a “massive weapons cache”. By southern California standards, the man was assumed to be “mentally unstable.” However, if the same guy lived…
In Arizona , he’d be called “an avid gun collector”.
In Arkansas, he’d be called “a novice gun collector”.
In Utah, he’d be called “moderately well prepared”, but they’d probably reserve judgment until they made sure that he had a corresponding quantity of stored food.
In Montana, he’d be called, “The neighborhood Go-To guy”.
In Idaho, he’d be called, “a likely gubernatorial candidate”.
In Wyoming, he’d be called, “an eligible bachelor”.
And, in Texas, he’d be called, “a deer hunting buddy”.
This is Joey, everybody!
At a factory in Lansing, Michigan, a young soldier returns from being stationed in Kuwait to surprise his unsuspecting mother.
You’ll want to get the tissues first!
Is it just me…?