That shamrock looks about how I feel

Cough!…groan…Morning Readers

Leprechaun here coming to you from what feels like my death bed with a near lethal case of what the “Doctor” so sagely described as “yeah that’s going around there’s not much to do for it except enjoy it” Some alleviator of human suffering! I swear if I recover enough to make it to my secret financial fortress on my hands and knees I’m going to tank his 401K and credit!

I was doing better and thought I was on the mend until I got up Saturday morning and just couldn’t function at all. Currently I’m waiting for Molly to return from the store with some much needed groceries and more needed cold meds before collapsing probably for the remainder of the day into my bed.

Except for sweating my way though laundry tomorrow with Molly, I may well spend all day tomorrow there too. I have to be careful though because Molly has stated that if I start whining about being sick as bad as Impish does she has no compunction about being the “Late Mrs. Leprechaun”. Oh the joys of living in a communal property reality!

Sunday: Heat Advisory Warning has been extended through Monday Evening already. Hopefully ERCOT, The electric Reliability Council of Texas, will not see a need to institute Rolling blackouts because of electricity demand again Sweating from excessive heat while sweating from a fever sucks.

For Now, Lets Moan…I MEAN Laugh!

A Well Planned Life

Two women met for the first time since graduating from high school.
One asked the other, “You were always so organized in school. Did you
manage to live a well planned life”?
“Yes,” said her friend. “My first marriage was to a millionaire; my
second marriage was to an actor; my third marriage was to a preacher
and now I’m married to an undertaker.”
Her friend asked, “What do those marriages have to do with a well planned life”?
“One for the money, two for the show, three to get ready and four to go.

Robert Knight, after his team had been sent home from the tournament, began considering his career, his future, and, as his thoughts turned that direction, the afterlife. So he contacted his local minister to discuss the issue.
“Reverend, will I be able to coach basketball in Heaven?” he inquired.
Now, of course, his minister didn’t want to give a glib answer, so he told Bobby that he wanted to pray for a while and ask for some divine inspiration before responding to his question. After a week of prayer, the minister called the coach into his study, and asked him to take a seat. “Robert,” he said, “I have some good news for you, and some bad news.”
“What’s the good news?” asked Coach Knight.
“Well, the good news is that yes, you will be able to coach basketball in Heaven,” replied the minister.
“And the bad news?” asked coach Knight.
“Well, Bobby,” responded the minister, “you’ll be coaching the visiting team.”

Cory Smits of Two Rivers, Wis. was convicted of operating while intoxicated for the fifth time since 2004, according to The Herald Time Reporter, testifying at least to his consistency.
Smits, 29, was convicted on July 7 for his latest offense, which occurred on Feb. 12, the paper said. Cops said that Smits had a blood alcohol level of .29. They had to blast him with pepper-spray to control him after he repeatedly hit his head against the police car’s back seat.
The judge who handled Smits’ trial took away his license for three years, ordered him to maintain total sobriety and to submit to regular urine tests, among other punishments, the newspaper said.

Smits’ real punishment though, should be for this stunning display…
Yes, those are tattoos. Maybe Cory’s tattoo artist should be punished instead. A two-year-old with a Sharpie could have done better!

What no piercings? With that face it couldn’t hurt none! might help it!

Speaking of Piercings, here’s the first functional ones I’ve seen

How To Keep A Bikini Top In Place

SO THAT’S WHAT THEY ARE FOR!!!

See what can happen when you leave you camera unprotected Graciemj?

Impish you just quit that drooling now and show some respect! Thou shalt not covet her coffee cup for its size!

A little boy was waiting for his mother to come out of the grocery store.

As he waited, he was approached by a man who asked,

“Son, can you tell me where the Post Office is?”
The little boy replied,

“Sure! Just go straight down this street a coupla blocks and turn to your right.”
The man thanked the boy kindly and said,

“I’m the new pastor in town.
I’d like for you to come to church on Sunday.

I’ll show you how to get to Heaven.”
The little boy replied with a chuckle.

“Awww, come on… You don’t even know the way to the Post Office.”

A dad buys a lie detector robot which slaps people when they lie.
He decides to test it at dinner.
‘Son, where were you today?’
Son says ‘at school dad.’
Robot slaps the son!
‘Ok, i watched a dvd at my mates!’
‘What dvd?’
‘Toy story.’
Robot slaps the son again!
‘Ok, it was a porno’ cries the son.
‘What! When I was your age I didn’t know what porn was’ says the dad.
Robot slaps the dad!
Mum laughs ‘HaHaHa! He’s certainly your son.’
Robot slaps The mum!

A man moves into a nudist colony.

He receives a letter from his mother asking him to send her a current picture.

Too embarrassed to let her know that he lives in a nudist colony, he cuts one

in half and sends her the top part.
Later he receives another letter asking him to send a picture to his
grandmother.

The man cuts another picture in half, but accidentally sends the
bottom half.

He is really worried when he realizes that he sent the wrong part,
but then remembers how bad his grandmother’s eyesight is and hopes she won’t notice.
A few weeks later he receives a letter from his grandmother. It says, “Thank you
for the picture.

Change your hair style? …it makes your nose look too long.”

Dictionary of Musical Terms
JAZZ: Five men on the same stage all playing different tunes.
BLUES: Played exclusively by people who woke up this morning.
WORLD MUSIC: A dozen different types of percussion all going at once.
OPERA: People singing when they should be talking.
RAP: People talking when they should be singing.
CLASSICAL: Discover the other 45 minutes they left out of the TV ad.
FOLK: Endless songs about shipwrecks in the 19th century.
BIG BAND: 20 men who take it in turns to stand up plus a drummer.
HEAVY METAL: Codpiece and chaps.
HOUSE MUSIC: OK as long as it’s not the house next door.

The agent of a beautiful actress discovered one day that the actress had been selling her body for 100 dollars a night. The agent, who had long lusted after her, hadn’t dreamed that she had been so easily obtainable. He approached her, told her how much she turned him on, and how much he wanted to make it with her.
She agreed to spend the night with him but said that he would have to pay her the same 100 dollars that the other customers did.
He scratched his head, considered it, and then asked, “Don’t I even get my agent’s 10% as a deduction?”
“No, siree,” she said. “If you want it, you’re going to have to pay full price for it just like the other Johns.”
The agent didn’t like that at all, but he agreed.
That night, she came to his apartment after her performance at a local nightclub. The agent did her at midnight, after turning out all the lights.
At 1 a.m., she was awakened again. And again, she was vigorously done. In a little while, she was awakened again, and again she was made love to again. The actress was impressed with her lover’s vitality.
“My goodness,” she whispered in the dark, “you are so virile. I never realized how lucky I was to have you for my agent.”
“I’m not your agent, lady,” a strange voice answered.
“He’s at the door selling tickets.”

It was testimony night in the church. A lady got up and said, “We are living in a wicked land where sin is on every hand. I have had a terrible fight with the old devil all week.”
Whereupon her husband, who was sitting glumly by her side said, “It’s not all my fault either; she’s tough to get along with.”

A husband was having great difficulty getting along with his wife, nothing but arguing and friction, so he decided to consult a marriage counselor.
After they had talked for a while, the counselor said, “I suggest that you run five miles each day for a week. Then please call me back.”
A week later the counselor received a call from the husband, “Well,” asked the counselor, “how are things going with you and your wife?
“How should I know?” said the husband. “I’m thirty-five miles away.”

Joe, the Governor’s most trusted assistant, died in his sleep one night. The Governor had depended on Joe for advice on every subject, from pending bills to wardrobe decisions. In addition, Joe had been his closest friend.
So, it was understandable that the Governor didn’t take kindly to the droves of ambitious office seekers who wanted Joe’s job. “They don’t even have the decency to wait until the man is buried,” the Governor muttered.
At the funeral, one eager beaver made his way to the Governor’s side. “Governor,” the man said, “is there a chance that I could take Joe’s place?”
“Certainly,” the governor replied. “But you’d better hurry. I think the undertaker is almost finished.”