LeprechaunLaffs #70 for Friday 06/03


Leprechaun Laffs - Lethal Leprechaun

TGIF 1

Wow Friday already Seem like I’ve posted most everyday this week! Oh! WAIT! I HAVE posted almost everyday this week!

As I noted on Memorial Day it generally is thought of as the unofficial start of Summer. I forgot one other thing it makes the start of however, Graduation Season. Going to have a house full of Molly’s relatives for the weekend. OK actually only my 3 In Laws, but with every available bunking surface claimed PLUS 2 cats its going to seem like a house full. Molly’s nephew is graduating high school and everyone is coming in to witness the miracle it seems. So I’m off to a weekend of Sun, Sweat & Pomp and Circumstance.

 

Now Let’s Laugh

coffee owl

Now there’s an early bird in serious need of coffee!

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Best speeding excuse ever! Now, this excuse makes sense.

When asked by a young patrol officer “Do You know you were speeding?”

This 83-year-old woman gave the young officer an ear to ear smile and stated:

“Yes , but … I had to get there before I forgot where I was going.”

The officer put his ticket book away and bid her good day.

Makes perfectly good sense to me. K-Squared uses that on all the time!

 

bacon cup

Mmmm…Bacon! Who cares what’s in the cup when you have a cup made of bacon!  Actually I’m pretty sure its pea soup.

DL Introspection Header

This is the true story of a Garage Owner in New Mexico who gave his dog a haircut.

He was sick and tired of thugs breaking into his garage shop to steal tools, etc. So he came up with this idea to give his Woofter a haircut. He put the word out that he had a new
Mexican Lion that would attack anyone that tried to break in or climb his fence. Would-be thieves saw the “Lion” from a distance and fled the scene.

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The dog’s probably trying to figure out why his head’s so hot and his butt’s so cold.

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Thanks to Lynn for this one.

Maxine Adult Warning

Whether or not you are a country music fan, these are truly the words of a deep thinker, and a highly intelligent person. So simple, yet so profound! Read the words of wisdom from that famous philosopher Willie Nelson, iconic country and western singer, on his 75th birthday below his esteemed portrait. Only a man with such wisdom and maturity could be so concise and succinct in phrasing his feelings at this turning point in his life.

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“I have outlived my pecker.”

The Penis Poem–by Willie Nelson

My nookie days are over,
My pilot light is out.
What used to be my sex appeal,
Is now my water spout.

Time was when, on its own accord,
From my trousers it would spring.
But now I’ve got a full time job,
To find the f***in’ thing.

It used to be embarrassing,
The way it would behave.
For every single morning,
It would stand and watch me shave.

Now as old age approaches,
It sure gives me the blues.
To see it hang its little head,
And watch me tie my shoes!!

switch oil

A statuesque blonde walked into a dinner party on the arm of a bald, elderly, scowling tycoon.
A society lady approached the young lovely to admire the huge shimmering gemstone hanging around her neck. “I must tell you,” the matron exclaimed, “that you are wearing the most incredible piece of jewelry I have ever seen.”
“That,” the blonde responded, “is the one-and-only Blanton diamond.”
“I’m surprised I’ve never heard of it,” the woman marveled. “I study famous gems as a hobby.”
“Well,” the chippy revealed, “the Blanton diamond has an ancient, unspeakably evil curse attached to it.”
“Really?” the woman queried. “What could that be?”
The blonde grimaced and gestured toward the tycoon. “Mr. Blanton, over there.”

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A cowboy appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.

‘Have you ever done anything of particular merit?’ St. Peter asked.

‘Well, I can think of one thing,’ the cowboy offered.

‘On a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota , I came upon a gang of bikers, who were threatening a young woman.

I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn’t listen.

So, I approached the largest and most heavily tattooed biker and smacked him in his face

Kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground.

I yelled, ‘Now, back off!! Or I’ll kick the sh*t out of all of you!’

St. Peter was impressed, ‘When did this happen?’

‘Just a couple of minutes ago…’

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DL Motivational Header

Auto Shotgun

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!cid_part9_01080808_05080501@verizon

what a story

In 1972, Joe Miller was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Tulsa Junior College . On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Joe approached it very carefully. He got down on one knee, inspected the elephants foot, and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he could, Joe worked the wood out with his knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot.
The elephant turned to Joe, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments. Joe stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled.

Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away. Joe never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.
Thirty years later, Joe was walking through the Tulsa Zoo with his family. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Joe and his family were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Joe, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.
Remembering the encounter in 1972, Joe could not help wondering if this was the same elephant… Joe summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing, and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Joe’s legs and slammed him against the railing killing him instantly.

Probably wasn’t the same elephant.

This is for everyone who sends me those heart-warming bullshit stories.

coollogo_com-10365867

Google reveals Gmail hacking, says likely from China

By Sui-Lee Wee and Alexei Oreskovic http://www.reuters.com BEIJING/SAN FRANCISCO | Thu Jun 2, 2011 8:08am EDT

http://www.reuters.com/article/2011/06/02/us-google-hacking-idUSTRE7506U320110602?feedType=RSS&feedName=topNews&utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+reuters%2FtopNews+(News+%2F+US+%2F+Top+News)&utm_content=Google+Feedfetcher

(Reuters) – Suspected Chinese hackers tried to steal the passwords of hundreds of Google email account holders, including those of senior U.S. government officials, Chinese activists and journalists, the Internet company said.

The claim by the world’s largest Web search engine sparked an angry response from Beijing, which said blaming China was “unacceptable,” pointing to further tensions in an already strained relationship with Google.

The perpetrators appeared to originate from Jinan, the capital of China’s eastern Shandong province, Google said. Jinan is home to one of six technical reconnaissance bureaus belonging to the People’s Liberation Army and a technical college U.S. investigators last year linked to a previous attack on Google.

Washington said it was investigating Google’s claims while the FBI said it was working with Google following the attacks — the latest computer-based invasions directed at multinational companies that have raised global alarm about Internet security.

Google phishing: Chinese Gmail attack raises cyberwar tensions

Charles Arthur, technology editor guardian.co.uk, Wednesday 1 June 2011 23.47 BST

Senior US and South Korean government officials plus Chinese activists have login details stolen

http://www.guardian.co.uk/technology/2011/jun/01/google-hacking-chinese-attack-gmail

Tensions between the US, UK and China over the issue of cyber-attacks were set to escalate after it emerged that Chinese hackers have stolen the login details of hundreds of senior US and South Korean government officials as well as Chinese political activists.

Google said it had discovered and alerted hundreds of people who had been taken in by a carefully targeted “phishing” scam originating from Jinan, the capital of Shandong province. Hackers aimed to get complete control of users’ email accounts on the Gmail system.

While there is no direct evidence that the hackers were in the pay of the Chinese government, the sophistication of the attacks and their highly targeted nature eliminates direct financial gain as a motive. Google did not rule out the possibility of the attack being state-sponsored.

The action could seriously heighten tensions over the issue of cyberwar. The US government moved this week to classify cyber-attacks as “acts of war“, while the defence minister Nick Harvey said on Monday that “action in cyberspace will form part of the future battlefield“.

At an international cybersecurity conference being held in London this week, delegates warned that new cyber-attacks were being developed so quickly that there should be a nonproliferation treaty over their creation and use.

Michael Rake of BT Group warned world powers were being drawn into a hi-tech arms race, with many already able to fight a war without firing a single shot.

“I don’t think personally it’s an exaggeration to say you can bring a state to its knees without any military action whatsoever,” Rake said. He said it was “critical to try to move toward some sort of cyber technology non-proliferation treaty.”

The latest series of attacks appears to have been going on since February, according to a report referenced by Google. It said people using Google and Yahoo accounts were being targeted in a “spear phishing” campaign, in which emails crafted to be relevant only to the recipients are sent out with malware or fake links.

Ok admittedly a wee lengthy set up for my comments but I do have several on this issue.

FIRST OF ALL PAY ATTENTION ALL YOU WHINEY DEMOCRATS AND LIBERALS I’M ABOUT TO (God help me please) SAY SOMETHING POSITIVE ABOUT OBAMA.

Obama actually gets the importance of Cyber-security and the threat that these continued Chinese targeted cyber attacks represent. Not only that, he got it the first time around.

Presidential Proclamation–National Cybersecurity Awareness Month October 01, 2010

America’s growing dependence on information technology has
given rise to the need for greater protection of digital networks and infrastructures. To highlight the need for increased cybersecurity, and the work of the Departments of Defense and Homeland Security, and private companies, nonprofits and academia, President Barack Obama
proclaimed October as National Cybersecurity Awareness Month.

 

The Guardian would have us believe:

The action could seriously heighten tensions over the issue of cyberwar.

In fact the US has considered itself as under war like cyber attacks for quite some time, the vast majority for them penetration attempts of high security installations (i.e. Los Alamos Nuclear Lab & NASA ), some emanating from Russia but the preponderance of the attacks are being directed from China.

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On 23 June 2009, the Secretary of Defense directed the Commander of U.S. Strategic Command (USSTRATCOM) to establish USCYBERCOM. In May 2010, General Keith Alexander outlined his views in a report for the United States House Committee on Armed Services subcommittee:

 

“My own view is that the only way to counteract both criminal and espionage activity online is to be proactive. If the U.S. is taking a formal approach to this, then that has to be a good thing. The Chinese are viewed as the source of a great many attacks on western infrastructure and just recently, the U.S. electrical grid. If that is determined to be an organized attack, I would want to go and take down the source of those attacks. The only problem is that the Internet, by its very nature, has no borders and if the U.S. takes on the mantle of the world’s police; that might not go down so well.”

The US government moved this week to classify cyber-attacks as “acts of war”, the new strategy would adapt the existing right of self-defense contained in the UN charter by bringing cyberweapons under the definition of armed attacks.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2011/may/31/washington-moves-to-classify-cyber-attacks

Great on paper but wholly impractical at the level of cyber espionage being perpetrated. I agree its a necessary legal move, and should it get to the point that the Pentagon has outlined;

Pentagon officials disclosed the decision to the Wall Street Journal, saying it was designed to send a warning to any hacker threatening US security by attacking its nuclear reactors, pipelines or public networks such as mass transport systems. “If you shut down our power grid, maybe we will put a missile down one of your smokestacks,” an official said.

well then hell yeah, if you ain’t leaving nothin’ but scorch marks where the facility the instigated the attack used to exist then you better send a second much large missile. However how many of you can see China sitting idly by while we Tomahawk one of their Government sponsored Hacker Heavens into bits and bytes over some e-mail passwords on a non secure, non governmental public e-mail system? Nobody? My point exactly. To be taken seriously by the Chinese on this subject we need other more practical and proportional response options.

My first suggestion; hit them where it hurts them the worst, their wallets. Fine them say $100 Million for every attempted attack on any US facility we can trace back to an IP in the region of one of their Government sponsored hacking facilities. I can already hear some of you roaring with laughter saying Lethal you idiot we can get them to admit to the attacks much less take responsibility for them, how can you honestly expect that they are going to accept and pay our fine. In truth I don’t. What I DO expect to do is deduct that money for our debt to China. In the parlance of the Construction Industry this is known as a “back charge” and is generally invoked when a subcontractor or material supplier screws up and causes the Contractor extra work or inconvenience. In this case I prefer to think of it as “instant war reparations” In the case of a facility’s firewall breach attempt this fine could easily total $1 Billion from a single IP address in a single attack attempt on a single day.

My second suggestion: a UN sponsored and enforced technology embargo. To be honest I’m not sure this would have much of an effect given half the guts to US computers are made in China. Maybe an Internet Embargo severely restricting their internet access is more appropriate. Determining if such a thing is practical or would have any effect if quite honestly beyond my expertise level and capabilities. Hopefully it will occur to someone in Cyber Command.

My third suggestion has to do with all the hackers, caught and incarcerated, reformed or still in the wild here in the USA. Their skills, expertise, & experience should be utilized to give China a serious dose of Quid Pro Quo gather all the ones incarcerated, all the ones on probation or accelerated rehab and all the reformed  (a.k.a. ‘White Hat Hackers’) together in a federal facility, give them a briefing and as et of target IPs, an unlimited supply of nicotine, Red Bull and high sugar munchies and turn them loose at China. The second Beijing’s cyber Jockeys at China’s Lanxiang Vocational School, which trains computer scientists for China’s military and where last year’s and this year’s hack attack on Google seemed to originate, are overwhelmed and the Chinese Communist Party’s Internet Infrastructure starts resembling virtual Swiss Cheese I assure you they will start indignantly screaming bloody murder and the “mysterious” cyber attacks which we insult them by having proof of originating with them will miraculously cease in nanoseconds.

The best way to deal with a pick pocket is to break his fingers and hands so he can no longer deftly practice his trade. In the Middle East thieves had hands removed and rapist…well they came up a little short lets just say. This is no different  and its NOT going to stop until we take the gloves off and make these Commie bastards invent a state religion JUST so they can pray we never decide to type the word China into out computers ever again.

Finally just an observation on the times we live in, how great is it that to get any sort of hard information on an attack by a foreign government on a US business and US government employees  computers and e-mails I am forced to turn not to the US media but to the U.K. media!

About lethalleprechaun

I believe in being the kind of man who, when my feet touch the floor in the morn', causes the Devil to say "BUGGER ME! HIMSELF IS UP!" ======== I'm a White Married Heterosexual who fervently believes in the war(s) we are fighting, the Second Amendment which I plan on defending with my last breath and my last round of ammunition as well as Arizona's stringent law on Immigration and the need for the border wall. I'm a right of center Con-centrist with Tea Party & Republican sympathies who drives an SUV. I am a Life Time Member of the NRA, a Charter Member of the Patriots' Border Alliance and North American Hunters Association. If there is a season for it and I can shoot one I'll eat it and proudly wear its fur. I believe PETA exists solely to be a forum for Gays, Vegetarians, Hollywood snobbery to stupid to get into politics and Soybean Growers. The ACLU stopped protecting our civil liberties sometime after the 1960s and now serves its own bigoted headline grabbing agenda much in the same way as the Southern Poverty Law Center. I am ecstatic that WE the PEOPLE finally got mad enough to rise up and take back the Government from WE the ENTITLED and reverently wish the Liberals would just get over the loss and quit whining/protesting all the time. After all they're just reaping what they've sown. I am Pro-choice both when it comes to the issue of abortion AND school prayer. I believe in a government for the people, by the people which represents and does the people's will. Therefore I an Pro States rights and mandatory term limits but against special interest group campaign contributions and soft money. I think that sports teams who allow their players to sit or take a knee during the National Anthem should be boycotted until the message is received that this is not acceptable behavior for role models for children. I believe Congressional salaries should be voted on bi-annually by the people they represent and not by themselves. I think Congress should be subject to every law they pass on the populace including any regarding Social Security or Healthcare. Speaking of the Healthcare bill (or con job as I see it) I hope Trump will overturn it and set things back to normal. I oppose the building of an Mosque or ANY Islamic center at or within a 10 mile radius of Ground Zero in New York. I will fight those in favor of this until hell freezes over and then I will continue to fight it hand to hand on the ice. Further I think the ban on immigrants from certain nations known to harbor and promote terrorism is a justified measure, at least until we can come up with better methods of vetting and tracking those non citizens we allow in the country. We did not inflict this measure on them those who refuse to point out, denounce or fight radical religious terrorism brought this upon themselves.
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8 Responses to LeprechaunLaffs #70 for Friday 06/03

  1. Matt the Male Enhancement Spammer Who Can't Take a Hint the First Time He Gets Ridiculed says:

    This was a genuinely extremely beneficial post. In theory I’d like to write like this also getting time and actual effort to make a good piece of writing but what can I say I procrastinate alot and by no means appear to obtain anything done.

    • lethalleprechaun says:

      Matt the Male Enhancement Spammer Who Can’t Take a Hint the First Time He Gets Ridiculed who’s e-mail address is mattcut90@gmail.com and hosts his spamming servers outside the U.S. in France yet again graces us. Possibly due to Lynn’s efforts at the Dragon’s public dare/behest. Who can say for sure.

      It will be interesting to see if the message has made it successfully in to snooty French and he gets the point. Mean while a little ass kissing and fawning over even by a snotty Frenchmen never hurt anyone.

  2. Matt the Male Enhancement Spammer Who Can't Take a Hint the First Time He Gets Ridiculed says:

    Congratulations on possessing certainly one of one of the vital sophisticated blogs Ive arrive across in a while! Its just superb how a lot you’ll be capable of think about away from a thing mainly simply because of how visually gorgeous it is. Youve place collectively an incredible weblog site space –nice graphics, films, layout. This is definitely a should-see web site!

    • lethalleprechaun says:

      Matt Matt Matt Matt Matt Matt….sigh….

      Excuse me a moment while I hose all the BS you threw around the blog off it and my Wellies.

      I have to admit that is an impressive manure spreader you have there, I think it slings more and faster than even a Dragon is capable of producing it! With a spreader like that and such skill in wielding it I am forced to inquire if you are somehow involved in politics and the Democratic Party in particular?

      To be honest while its possible I am reading something into your post, I have to say that I am a wee bit insulted by your blind insinuation that my manhood needs enhancing. It should be readily apparent from my comportment and attitude in the blog that I possess a set of McGoogles the size of duck eggs made of the finest Connemara marble and engraved with gold and platinum filled ancient sacred Celtic runes of manhood fertility invincibility, love, loyalty, longevity and prowess in combat.

      Under the right conditions when I walk and they clack together lighting shoots out my bum and consumes Democrats and Spammers whole where they stand. At other times they cause me to fart shamrocks (a side effect of having a Leprechaunish heritage) and ooze charm combined with woman attracting by the scores pheromones.

      As to the other half of me manhood, lets just say that the rest of the world is grossly misinformed regarding the term “shelleigh” and why Irishmen are so renowned and famed for possessing them and leave it at that. Modesty (and Molly who fears I have said too much already and now all the women who read the blog will want me) prevents me from saying anymore on the subject. Molly has suggested before you going telling me (and therefore through me, her) that my member is not of sufficient size that you either make your wife available for a second opinion or that you yourself bend over so that I might drive home the point that its not for you to say!

      She also suggests that if you are hinting that my libido is starting to flag and wane that you make your wife or yourself available to pick up her slack when she refuses me. In short my darling loving Molly is more than a little miffed at your unwarranted, unwanted and (in her words) grossly unneeded offer of help, going so far as to suggest you put up or shut up by placing your or your wife’s body where you spam is.

      Even Impish is in agreement with Molly that you’ll not find a bigger Irish Leprechaunish prick blogging anyplace on the internet!

      Speaking of Impish, as to his own manhood…first of all what part of HE’S A FECKING DRAGON is it you do not understand? Ok, admittedly his endowment in recent years has atrophied a bit due to lack of use I’ll grant you that. However I strongly disagree that daily ingestion of lawn and garden clippings mixed with dried ground animal penises is going to seriously do anything in this regard. Were it so, then he’d already be in possession of a member best compared to the boom of a heavy lift crane as those things are already found in prodigious quantities in his daily diet do largely to his indifferent eating habits.

      It’s much more likely that a more frequent use of his manhood (a.k.a. exercising it more oft) will have a fair more beneficial effect on its deterioration than any snake oil you shamelessly and inconsiderately spam. All he truly requires is some intensive hypnotherapy so he remembers to screw his dinner date before dining on her to see a reversal of his diminishing condition.

      Mayhaps you did not chance to read my reply to your comment Matt on LL#92 Wed 08/03 when I basically said that I’d be drinking hot tea in Hell for its warmth before you would be allowed to spam our blog? What part of out fervent Anti-Spam/Death to Spammers Philosophy escapes you? Is the fact that your first half dozen spam attempts went straight into the toilet something you failed to notice? Are you that attached to your perception of reality altering Democratic Party Goggles that you cannot see the writing on the blog wall in all caps 72 pt. font block letters that says your only wasting your time and giving me ammunition to make fun of you by spamming here?

      Stop thinking with your brain damaged from using your own products little head, cut your losses and move on. The abuse is only going to continue to get worse!

      Hecklingly, Disrespectfully & Irracably as possible,

      Lethal Leprechaun

      • lynn fux says:

        I don’t see this man’s web address anywhere.

      • lethalleprechaun says:

        It may be that only we highly sentient and mythical beings with power over the blog can in fact see the e-mail address normally Lynn so let me rend that veil for all you readers now with my mighty mystical mythically epic powers…YO! DRAGON!… Come lay a gout of flame on this veil!

        mattcut90@gmail.com

        And LO! There is his address though I would debate calling this spamming scum of the universe a “man”.
        Men do honest work and do not spam sleezey ineffectual products for a living.

  3. toni says:

    WOW!!! A great owl to keep for my owl collection. I’m up to a few hundred that I use for my screensaver. Thanks.
    I’ll keep sending you dragon stuff I find if you keep using owls.

    Hugs,
    Toni

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