Good Morning Campers!  I hope everyone is well today.  running out of time this morning, so let’s just say good bye and good morning and good laughing!!!!!

Now. let’s get started!  Let’s laugh!

And the specialization is even recognized in heaven….

St Peter is standing at heaven’s gate when a man walks up. “Welcome to heaven, my son. What did you do with your life on earth?”

“I was a policeman,” he responded.

“What kind of policeman?” St Peter asked.

“I was a vice officer. I kept dangerous narcotics out of the hands of kids.”

“Wonderful, my son, welcome to heaven. Pass through the gates.”

A few moments later, a second man walks up. “Welcome to heaven, my son. What did you do with your life on earth?”

“I was a policeman,” he responded.

“What kind of policeman?” St Peter asked.

“I was a traffic officer. I kept the roads and highways safe for travelers.”

“Well done. Pass through the gates into Paradise.”

A few moments later a third man walks up. “Welcome to heaven my son. What did you do with your life?”

“I was a policeman,” he responded.

“What kind of policeman?” St Peter asked.

“I was a Military Policeman, Sir.”

“Excellent, my son. I’ve gotta go pee, watch the gate while I’m gone, will ya?”

No wonder he spends all his time at the bar…

“Get this,” said one drinker to his friends at the bar.  “Last night while I was here with you guys, a burglar broke into my house.”

“Did he get anything?” his friends asked.

“Yeah… a broken jaw, two teeth knocked out, and a pair of squashed nuts. The wife thought it was me coming home drunk.”

The efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution. “You don’t want to try these techniques at home.”

“Why not?” asked someone from the back of the audience.

“Well, I watched my wife’s routine at breakfast for years,” the expert explained. “She made lots of trips to the refrigerator, stove, table and cabinets, often carrying just a single item at a time.

“Hon,” I suggested, “Why don’t you try carrying several things at once?”

The voice from the back asked, “Did it save time?”

The expert replied, “Actually, yes. It used to take her 20 minutes to get my breakfast ready. Now I do it in seven.”

And even from Diaman…trying to get into Zach’s act:

The barber opened up a shavings account.

Having lived in Indiana now for the past 22 years (4 years longer than I ever lived in New Jersey…where I grew up….then why do I still fell like New Jersey is home?  Odd…) Anyway, having been in Indiana for a while now, this doesn’t really surprise me that much.  It’s a wonder he wasn’t charged with indecent exposure, too.

 

Q: What happens when bananas sunbathe?
A: They start to peel!

 
Q: What did the mime say to the bartender?
A:

The burglar quakes in fear and then freezes to the point that she is able to get to the phone and call 911 for the cops. When the cops arrive, the burglar is still frozen in place. They are very much surprised that a woman alone with no weapon could do this. One of them asked the lady: “How did you do this?”

The woman replied, “I quoted scripture.” The cop turned to the burglar and asked, “What was it about the scripture that had such an effect on you?”

The burglar replied, “Scripture! What scripture? I thought she said she had an ax and two 38’s.”

 

 

Sometimes the very best thing to do with scoundrels and thieves is to expose them for what they are and laugh and poke fun at them.  I’ve often heard of the Nigerian scams before, but never have I been lucky enough to receive one.  Well, my dear camper friends and neighbors, my luck has changed.  The other day I received the following email and I was appalled at how transparent a scam it really was.  “How do people fall for these things,” I said to myself.  “They fall for these,” I answered back, “because some people want to believe, so badly, in the tooth fairy, Santa Claus and James Bond’s good fortune that they easily dispel common sense and allow mindless non-sense to take over.  Their greed over reaches their brain cells.”
”Quite an astute observation, Impish.”
”Why thank you very much for noticing, Impish.”
Anyway, if the mutual admiration society meeting is over can we get back to the letter?
”Yes, Impish.”
”We’re sorry, Impish.”
Okay then.  Here is the letter, in its entirety, with comments thrown in by yours truly….enjoy.