Impish offered to care for the eight-year-old daughter of his
next-door neighbor. She arrived in time to prepare breakfast.
Impish laid a generous helping of bacon and eggs in front of the
child.

“Mother always serves hot biscuits for breakfast,” said the
eight-year-old.

So, Impish, grumbling somewhat but very eager to oblige, hurried into the kitchen and quickly prepared a plate of hot biscuits, which he laid in front of the girl.

“No, thank you,” she said.

“But I thought you said your mother always prepares hot
biscuits for breakfast!” said Impish in surprise.

“She does,” said the child. “But I don’t eat them.”

============

A foursome of guys including Impish Dragon is waiting at the men’s tee while a foursome of women is hitting from the ladies’ tee.

The ladies are taking their time. When the final lady (Mrs Dragon) is ready to hit her ball, she hacks it ten feet and then hacks it another five feet.

She looks up at the patiently waiting men and says, apologetically, “I guess all those “FUCKING  LESSONS” I took over the winter didn’t help”!!!

Impish immediately responds, “Well, there you have it. You should have taken “GOLF LESSONS” instead.”

He never even had a chance to duck…he was only 52.

============

Impish had run across the term cyber sex a few times lately, so he decided to try to figure out what it meant. He figured it had something to do with the computer, so he started trying to find the sex drive on his.

Impish looked everywhere, in all the folders on the My Computer section, the add/uninstall software, install hardware part of the control panel then he got out all the manuals and went  through them. He finally came to the conclusion that his computer is not equipped with one.

So Impish decided to go to the computer store and see if he could buy one. Impish wanted to look intelligent and scholarly, so he wore his ‘Proudly Polish’ hat. Well, the salesperson in the first store was a rather stern looking woman. Impish gave her the make and model of his computer and asked her if she had any sex drives in stock. She kinda scowled at him and asked him if he was trying to get smart  with her. Figuring (wrongly) that she had been impressed with his  ‘Proudly Polish’  hat, Impish replied that he tried to be smart with everyone. She said, rather rudely Impish thought, that she couldn’t help him and walked away.

HUH, Impish thought, must not have had any in stock.

In the second store, Impish gave the salesperson the make and model of his computer and asked if they had any sex drives in stock.
The salesperson kind of snickered and asked if Impish meant a hard drive. Impish thought about it for a minute and told him yeah, maybe that, but I think I should already have one installed. The salesperson started laughing at him said something about Impish trying to kill him. “You’re killing me!” Something like that and walked away.

Impish thought,” Hmmmm… must be out here too.
Must be hard to keep in stock I wasn’t trying to kill him I wasn’t even hurting him.”

The guy in the third store laughed and asked Impish if he’d just fallen off the turnip truck. Impish assured him he’d never been on a turnip truck, but he’d fallen off the manure wagon a few times. He mumbled something about that explaining it. “He’s fallen off the wagon, that explains it,” like that and walked away laughing.

The guy in the fourth store said something like, “noob” under his breath and walked away. Impish wondered why the guy thought he was a newly hatched Dragon?

Anyway Impish figured they must  not carry them in stores, he’d maybe have to order one  from a catalog or something.

So that’s where Impish is at now, my catalog file. If any of you have some computer skills and could help him locate his sex drive, Impish would appreciate it then all he’d have to do is figure out what to do with it.