Good Morn….er….um….afternoon! Good Afternoon Campers! Yeah, I know…you had to wait longer for your D.L. fix than usual. It’s all my fault. I will take total and complete blame. Yup…..my ….. faul……what the hell are all those people with torches and pitchforks doing marching up my path way? You guys go ahead and start laughing, I think I need to go close the drawbridge….quick.
The Tonight Show With Jay Leno
- The annual “Christmas Village” in Philadelphia has been renamed the “Holiday Village.” In fact, they’re not Santa’s reindeer anymore . . . They’re now “nondenominational venison.”
- The head of WikiLeaks, Julian Assange, has gone into hiding. They say he’s some place all alone where no one can find him. In fact, officials believe he may be hiding in a theater showing “Burlesque.”
- President Obama received 12 stitches in his lip after being elbowed in the mouth during a basketball game. Out of force of habit, he blamed George Bush.
- Sen. John McCain said it’s time for a regime change in North Korea. To which the Carrows waitress said, “Sir, if you don’t order now, you’re going to miss the early bird special.”
- President Obama held a ceremony at the White House to celebrate the first night of Hanukkah. In response, Republicans said, “It’s even worse than we thought. He’s a Jewish Muslim.”
- The government is considering raising the retirement age to 69. In other words, they want Brett Favre to play two more years.
- Former President George W. Bush said he’s a huge fan of his new iPad. Or as he called it, his “glowing magic window.”
- President Obama has set aside over 180 million acres of land for polar bears. When Sarah Palin heard about it, she said, “Todd, get my gun.”
Organ Wagons to Make House Calls
It might sound a little disturbing to some people but a new pilot program will attempt to recover kidneys from people who die at home in Manhattan.
A team of organ specialists will have about 20-minutes after a cardiac-arrest patient is declared dead to arrive at the home, check a donor registry, determine medical eligibility, obtain a family member’s consent and get the person into a specialized ambulance.
A special team will monitor 9-1-1 calls about people in danger of dying and they will travel directly to a person’s home without being summoned.
Oh geeze. Reminds me of this….
Monty Python-Bring Out Your Dead!
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
- It’s the first night of celebrating — and misspelling — Hanukkah.
- The miracle of Hanukkah is that there was only enough oil to keep the menorah lit for one night and it lasted for eight nights. As far as religious miracles go, it’s not exactly the resurrection of the Easter bunny, but it’s fun for the kids.
- This week, we had the biggest Cyber Monday ever. This is partly because Cyber Monday was only invented two years ago.
- WikiLeaks’ Julian Assange said Secretary of State Hillary Clinton should resign for ordering American diplomats to spy on their foreign counterparts. Thanks, creepy Australian guy who’s wanted for rape in Sweden, we’ll make a note of that
Man is rated the highest animal; at least among all animals who returned the questionnaire.
“Everybody was kung-fu fighting… Those cats were fast as lightning!”
The best browser speed test…EVER!
OMG!!!!! We have a new contender for Groaners! Why oh why couldn’t you guys get in a competition over ANYTHING other than Groaners! I’m sorry folks!
Sheila loved her two dogs, but they were very disobedient, so she decided to take them to obedience classes.
The class was run by an old man. He was very strict but seemed to get good results, and after several months of regular attendance things had improved to such a degree that Sheila was even considering entering her pets into a dog show.
But then one day, disaster struck. Sheila had to baby-sit for her young nephew. All evening, the boy teased the dogs, and by the end of the day both dogs were back to their old habits – all the hard work and training was undone in a single evening; it was as if they had never been to class at all. Worst of all, it was only a few weeks before the dog show, and she had already registered her entry. What could she do?
In desperation, Sheila decided to call a friend of hers who also had two dogs of the same type that did behave themselves, and asked to borrow them. Her friend agreed, and at the next class Sheila arrived as usual with two well-behaved dogs.
But the old man wasn’t fooled for a moment – as soon as he saw them he knew they were the wrong dogs, so he called Sheila over to the side of the class.”It was a good try,” he said, once he’d heard the story, “but you should have
realized that you can’t trick an old teach with new dogs.”
4th Amendment Wear is a series of underclothes that have the Fourth Amendment to the United States Constitution printed on them with metallic ink that so that it will show up when worn through a TSA X-Ray machine.
Click on the doughboy, let it play and then make your own
Sign Flips Pedestrians the Bird!
A traffic light in Spokane, Washington flips the bird to citizens.
City of Spokane spokesperson Marlene Feist says personnel from the street department believe snow may be wedged in the electronic sign, hiding all but the palm and raised middle finger.
She also said that it was clearly ‘unintentional’.
Watch the video as it changes. So funny!
President Obama’s debt panel commission suggested painful reductions in federal spending Wednesday. No one was spared. They even cited the basketball player who elbowed President Obama in the mouth last Friday, saying the cuts didn’t go far enough.
When we were on our way back from Afghanistan, we flew out of Baghram
Air Field. We went through customs at BAF, full body scanners (no
groping), had all of our bags searched, the whole nine yards. Our first
stop was Shannon, Ireland to refuel. After that, we had to stop at
Indianapolis, Indiana to drop off about 100 folks from the Indiana
National Guard. That’s where the stupid started.
First, everyone was forced to get off the plane-even though the plane
wasn’t refueling again. All 330 people got off that plane, rather than
let the 100 people from the ING get off. We were filed from the plane to
a holding area. No vending machines, no means of escape. Only a
It’s probably important to mention that we were ALL carrying weapons.
Everyone was carrying an M4 Carbine (rifle) and some, like me, were also
carrying an M9 pistol. Oh, and our gunners had M-240B machine guns. Of
course, the weapons weren’t loaded. And we had been cleared of all ammo
well before we even got to customs at Baghram, then AGAIN at customs.
The TSA personnel at the airport seriously considered making us unload
all of the baggage from the SECURE cargo hold to have it reinspected.
Keep in mind, this cargo had been unpacked, inspected piece by piece by
U.S. Customs officials, resealed and had bomb-sniffing dogs give it a
one-hour run through. After two hours of sitting in this holding area,
the TSA decided not to reinspect our Cargo-just to inspect us again:
Soldiers on the way home from war, who had already been inspected,
reinspected and kept in a SECURE holding area for 2 hours. Ok, whatever.
So we lined up to go through security AGAIN.
This is probably another good time to remind you all that all of us were
carrying actual assault rifles, and some of us were also carrying
So we’re in line, going through one at a time. One of our Soldiers had
his Gerber multi-tool. TSA confiscated it. Kind of ridiculous, but it
gets better. A few minutes later, a guy empties his pockets and has a
pair of nail clippers. Nail clippers. TSA informs the Soldier that
they’re going to confiscate his nail clippers. The conversation went
something like this:
TSA Guy: You can’t take those on the plane.
Soldier: What? I’ve had them since we left country.
TSA Guy: You’re not suppose to have them.
TSA Guy: They can be used as a weapon.
Soldier: [touches butt stock of the rifle] But this actually is a
weapon. And I’m allowed to take it on.
TSA Guy: Yeah but you can’t use it to take over the plane. You don’t
Soldier: And I can take over the plane with nail clippers?
TSA Guy: [awkward silence]
Me: Dude, just give him your damn nail clippers so we can get the f**k
out of here. I’ll buy you a new set.
Soldier: [hands nail clippers to TSA guy, makes it through security] To
top it off, the tsa demanded we all be swabbed for “explosive residue”
detection. Everyone failed, [go figure, we just came home from a war
zone], because we tested positive for “Gun Powder Residue”. Who the F**K
is hiring these people?
This might be a good time to remind everyone that approximately 233
people re-boarded that plane with assault rifles, pistols, and machine
guns-but nothing that could have been used as a weapon. Can someone
please tell me What the F**K happened to OUR country while we were gone?
Sgt. Mad Dog Tracy
Panzerkampfwagen VI “E Tiger”
Ju 88 loading a torpedo. This is one HUGE bomber … And it’s on freaking pontoons!!!!
German “KARL” motars. Sebastopol
Reloading a KARL
Italian 303 Bombers over N Africa