We are all alone, born alone, die alone and – in spite of True Romance magazine – we shall all someday look back on our lives and see that, in spite of our company, we were alone the whole way. I do not say lonely – at least, not all the time – but essentially, and finally, alone. This is what makes your self-respect so important, and I don’t see how you can respect yourself if you must look in the hearts and minds of others for your happiness.

~ Hunter S. Thompson ~

“SPIDER!!”

roflmbo!! That’s EXACTLY what I was thinking!!

All it takes is one song to bring back one thousand memories.

This is fashion?!? This is nuts!!!!

I am speechless…and you guys know that doesn’t happen.

I’m sorry, but that last one made me laugh out loud.

Our idea of level must not be the same…

Yeah, I got nuttin’

[Places finger on cops lips]

“Shhh…we were both speeding, okay? I forgive you.”

When I was younger I was scared of the dark…

Now, when I see my electric bill, I’m scared of the lights.

This is really cool and was sent in by Lynn … way back in November!

“Siri, why am I so bad at relationships with women?”

“This is Alexa.”

You know you’re a bad driver when Siri says, “In 400 feet, stop and let me out.”

Wow! That’s gotta hurt!

Six Little Stories With Lots of Meanings

(1) Once all villagers decided to pray for rain. On the day of prayer, all the people gathered, but only one boy came with an umbrella. That is faith.

(2) When you throw babies in the air, they laugh because they know you will catch them. That is trust.

(3) Every night we go to bed without any assurance of being alive the next morning, but still we set the alarms to wake up. That is hope.

(4) We plan big things for tomorrow in spite of zero knowledge of the future. That is confidence.

(5) We see the world suffering, but still, we get married and have children. That is love.

(6) On an old man’s shirt was written a sentence, “I am not 80 years old; I am sweet 16 with 64 years of experience.” That is attitude.

Have a happy day and live your life like these six stories. Remember – Good friends are rare jewels of life, difficult to find and impossible to replace!

Think about THAT for a few minutes…

My whole life I never read a warning label telling me not to eat laundry detergent or put glue in my hair – somehow I just knew.

Walmart had to remove 50,000 milk cartoons from their store.

The labels have to be changed from “Open Here” to “Open at Home”

Some days I amaze myself.

Other days, I put my keys in the fridge.

I asked my wife why she married me. She said, “Because you are so funny.”

I said, “I thought it was because I was so good in bed.”

She said, “See? You’re hilarious!”

KIDS ACTING UP? SANTA CAN’T MAKE THEM ACT RIGHT?

For $75 I’ll come to your house dressed as the GRINCH and drag your tree right out the front door!!!

My daughter suggested I get the names of my children tattooed on my body. I told her I already did…they’re called stretch marks.

Home is where you trust the toilet seat.

A new government study has found that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the population.

It’s important to make someone happy, and it’s important to start with yourself.

And that’s it my friends. Until next time, stay Blessed.

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If you have to pretend I am a crappy person so you don’t feel guilty about all the crappy things you’ve done to me, then so be it. Whatever helps you sleep at night. Just know, your delusions will never change my reality.

“Life is a Highway”

“I Obviously Took a Dirt Road.”

“Now, if you’ll excuse me, tonight’s bad decisions aren’t going to make themselves.”

More of my baby pictures.

I think the scariest part of that song “Born to be Wild” is when they find a head out on the highway.

I’M LETTING EVERYONE KNOW I’M HETEROSEXUAL!

So, feel free to praise me for my courage and incredible bravery.

What an incredibly adorable baby!

Yeah, been there…

Thinking about watching a movie with my girlfriend tonight. Can someone suggest a good girlfriend?

Just a cool picture.

Half of me is a hopeless romantic and the other … well, the other half is just an ass.

I did not know that.

I’m pretty sure there’s some war crimes council somewhere that says that’s illegal.

I don’t have Alexa.
I wouldn’t know what to do if someone in my house actually listened to me.

Laughing at your mistakes can lengthen your life. Laughing at your wife’s mistakes can shorten it.

That is such a cool chair. I’d have that in my living room. But I gotta wonder if there’s a matching sofa somewhere.

Next step is either hand-grenade or C-4. Pretty much your choice.

Why are we wrapping apples up in plastic. Apples have a perfectly acceptable outside wrapper of their own that they come pre-wrapped in by God. Not sure what we are trying to accomplish here…

Hmm, it seems as though we are on a re-wrapping spree! Not sure that the bottles really needed to be wrapped…

My sister wanted to marry a postman but our parents didn’t letter.

Yup! Definitely going overboard on the wrapping! Okay, you’ve made your point. Enough is enough. And sneakers are WAY TOO MUCH!!

BEWARE! If I see that man, you will immediately know it because I will scream like a little girl!!!

What? What is consensual? What is going on here?

I used to have two kidneys.
Then I grew up.
Now I have two adult knees.

Moon rocks taste better than earth rocks ’cause they’re meteor.

Just been up in the loft, spraying the mice with WD-40. It doesn’t kill them, it just stops them squeaking!

At the local zoo, all the animals must do chores to earn their keep.
The Lion sweeps tonight.

Behind every angry woman, stands a man who has absolutely no idea what he did wrong!

Did you know that there are more castles in Germany than McDonald’s restaurants in the USA? To be precise, there are over 20,000 castles in Germany, and “only” 13,438 McDonald’s in the US.

Having spent two wonderful years in Germany, plus some extra time visiting there while stationed in England, I can attest to the fact that there are a crap-ton of castles there. Now, the “crap-ton” is an official scale used to measure a lot of different things, rocks in the way when you’re clearing out a garden, spilled Legos when the kids dump out the Lego bin, left-wing nut jobs in Washington DC, and castles in Germany…just to name a few.

Did you hear about the guy who made a fortune investing in apples?

Turns out he was in cider trading.

Husband: When I die, I’d like to die having sex.

Wife: At least we know it’ll be quick!

I can actually remember seeing that when I was a little kid and not thinking that much of it because of course it made sense since sausage was made out of pork and pork came from pigs. I was too darn logical for my own good even then!

And that is it my dear friends! I hope you all managed to find something to laugh about in all of this. I know that I did. Until we meet again, may God keep you full of Love and Happiness.

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And another weekend has come and gone. Although I don’t know it, because to me, today is Tuesday. In my attempt to stay well ahead of schedule, I’m still trying my best. I have VERY little time this week, so I’m squeezing in a few minutes here and there when I can. I’ve got a few things on tap to show you and discuss with you that may be out of date by the time you finally read them, but…it’s the best I can do right now at this truly busy time for me. But, timeliness is next to Godliness…or something like that. So…

As dessert was served to the visiting pastor, the hostess apologized for not having any cheese to go with the apple pie.

Hearing this, her little son slipped down from his chair and left the room, then returned with a small piece of cheese which he shyly placed on the pastor’s plate.

“Why, thank you, son,” said the guest as he popped the cheese in his mouth, “You must have found the last piece! Where did you find it?”

Flushing with pride, the little boy said, “Oh, it was in the mousetrap.”

Oh, Yum!

It just goes to show you that there is a group for everyone. I’ll bet my neighbors belong to this group. The Door Appreciation Society! I’ve told you their story before. That he likes to change out his front door every week or so at 0300 in the morning. He has a stack of front doors leaning against the side of his garage…yeah, that guy!

“na, na, na, na, na, na, na, Batman!”

“Snackman! na, na, na, ..” No, huh?

This guy and his girlfriend lived in Austin and they decided to go and see the northern lights.

They figured that they would just drive north on I-35 until they got to the end and that should do it.

So, they set out on their trip and they’re both very excited. They are so excited that it is all they can talk about.

Well, after a couple of days they get to the end of I-35 just south of the Canadian border. They find a nice field to park in and the entire sky is lit up with the beautiful northern lights.

The guy, who’s been driving, leaps out of the car at the wonder of it all; he’s jumping up and down like a little kid.

Meanwhile, his girlfriend is still sitting in the car and reading a magazine.

He can’t believe it! So he says, “What’s the matter? … Does the aurora bore ya, Alice?”

Now, Joe from NJ said I would love this one and he was absolutely right…

A pastor was working late on a Saturday night at the Almighty God Tabernacle.

Around 10:00PM he decided to call his wife before he left for home.

Although the pastor let the phone ring several times, his wife didn’t answer.

A few moments later he tried again and she answered right away. He asked her why she hadn’t answered before, and she said that the phone hadn’t rung.

The following Monday, the pastor received a call at the church office. The caller wanted to know why the pastor had called him Saturday night.

The pastor was confused.

The caller said, “It rang and rang, but I didn’t answer.”

The pastor remembered the incident and apologized for disturbing him, explaining that he’d intended to call his wife and must have dialed the wrong number.

The man said, “That’s OK. Let me tell you my story. You see, I was planning to commit suicide that night, but before I did, I prayed, ‘God if you’re there, and you don’t want me to do this, give me a sign now.’ At that point my phone started to ring. I looked at the Caller ID, and it said, ‘Almighty God.’ I was just too afraid to answer!”

I thought this was a MARVELOUS story and wondered if it couldn’t be true and although I found it referenced several times on line, SNOPES (who I don’t trust at all) says it’s not true and that they couldn’t even find an Almighty God Tabernacle. Well, I found an Almighty God Missionary Tabernacle in Detroit, MI fairly easily and to me, that’s close enough and their caller ID would probably come up as “Almighty God”…so…

It could happen.

Thanks Joe!

Great Story!

I’ve got people I work with that are like that.

Dragon Hop-Scotch — played from rock to rock to rock. It’s a little more difficult than you humans play.

“Happiness depends upon ourselves.”

Aristotle (384 BC – 322 BC)

SMART ASS ANSWER #6

It was mealtime during an airline flight
The flight attendant asked passenger John, “Would you like dinner?”
“What are my choices?” John asked.
“Yes or no,” she replied.

SMART ASS ANSWER #5

A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket. He opened his trench coat and flashed her.

Without missing a beat, she said, “Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub.”

SMART ASS ANSWER #4

A woman was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but she couldn’t find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, “Do these turkeys get any bigger?”

The stock boy replied, “No ma’am, they’re dead.”

SMART ASS ANSWER #3

As the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window, the policeman 👮 ‍got out of his vehicle and approached the kid, “I’ve been waiting for you all day.”

The kid replied, “Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could.”

When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

SMART ASS ANSWER #2

A truck driver was driving along the freeway and noticed a sign that read: Low Bridge Ahead. Before he knows it, the bridge is right in front of him and his truck gets wedged under it. Cars are backed up for miles.

Finally, a police vehicle 🚔 comes up. The cop gets out of his car, walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, “Got stuck, huh?”

The truck driver says, “No, I was delivering this bridge and I ran out of gas.”

#1 SMART ASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR

A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow’s final exam. “Now class, I won’t tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack, a serious personal injury, illness or a death in your immediate family. But that’s it — no other excuses whatsoever!”

The smart-ass student in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, “What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?”

The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering.

When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said, “Well, I guess you’d have to write the exam with your other hand.”

IMPOSSIBILITIES IN THE WORLD:

1) You can’t count your hair.

2) You can’t wash your eyes with soap.

3) You can’t breathe when your tongue is out.

Put your tongue back in your mouth, sure you can still breathe, you silly person.

TEN (10) THINGS I KNOW ABOUT YOU:

1) You are reading this.

2) You are human.

3) You can’t say the letter ”P” without separating your lips.

4) You just attempted to do it . . . 🙂

6) You are laughing at yourself.

7) You have a smile on your face and you skipped No. 5.

8) You just checked to see if there IS a No. 5.

9) You laugh at this because you are a fun-loving person — and everyone else does it, too.

10) You are probably going to send this to see who else falls for it.

Real and Real Funny Obit…thanks to Leah D. for this next one:

James Loveless

March 11, 1963 — June 14, 2023

Somerset

Born and raised in Kentucky in 1963-a state that has been recently leaning toward more liberal values, we might add–Jamie, a divorcee, father, grandfather and proud owner of a few lots in the trailer park, had had enough and up and died on us on June 14th in order to avoid another Presidential stolen-election mishap in the near future.

As a gluttonous eater of fried foods and snack cakes, as well as the occasional chili cheese dog, James, tried in vain to give up the ghost by clogging his arteries and having a stroke in 2015. His twin boys, Rocky and Rodney, had other plans and made him go to the hospital. While waiting in the ER at the hospital, he was heard saying, “Let’s make a break for it!”, only to be heard by one of the hospital staff and forced to go through the procedure. He wasn’t too excited about the prospect, but went anyway.

On many occasions in life, James was seen in his back yard at the trailer park during the early hours of the morning, hammering beers, standing over country-style ribs, and yelling, “It’s got a head like a cat on it!”, while nearby neighbors would peek out their windows bearing looks of disgust and amazement, as his party guests were slurring remarks about needing to speed up his cooking style. “We’ve been here since 5 o’clock,” they would say. “I’ve got work in the morning.”

We don’t know if he was married, but he definitely was a lady’s man. There was Kathy, Mary Lou, Tammy, Debra, Carrie, Tina, etc., etc. “It’s the bones”, he told us as proudly pointed his skinny, pasty-white legs. “Women love a good shin”. We think he might even have some females waiting for him on the other side. Jamie loved his family more than anything else in the world…except ice-cold Busch, room-temperature Busch, T-bones, New York strip, prime rib, shrimp, swimming, poker, hatch-back Mustang GTs, tank-tops, Kentucky Men’s basketball, and his personal copy of Eddie Murphy’s Raw.

He leaves behind his second-favorite son, Rocky(and Lizeth) Loveless of Arizona City, AZ, his favorite son, Rodney Loveless of Science Hill, KY, a younger brother, Joey, and unofficial daughter Melissa(and Coy) Vance of the trailer park, as well as a pair of old boxers which have ‘Buttweiser the King of Rears’ printed on the design. He will be moderately missed.

“I have a message for you from the Queen!” [TWANG!]

Once, there was a man who was so upset by his past deeds that he decided to visit a church and confess all of his sins. When he arrived at the church, he walked to the confession area and spoke to the pastor.

“Father, I am sinful.”

“Yes son, just tell me what have you done, the Lord will forgive you.”

“Father, I have a steady relationship with my girlfriend, it’s been 3 years and nothing serious ever happened between us.

Yesterday, I visited her house, nobody was at home except for her sister. We were alone and I slept with her.”

“That’s bad my boy, fortunately you realize your mistake.”

“Father, last week I went to her office to look for her, but nobody was around except for one of her colleagues, so I slept with her too.”

“That’s not very good of you.”

“Father, last month, I went to her uncle’s house to look for her, nobody was around except for her auntie, and I slept with her too.”

“Father? ……… Father?” suddenly this guy realized that there was no response from the Father, he walked over and discovered that the Pastor was not there.

So he began searching for him. “Father? Where are you?”

He searched high and low, and finally he found him hiding under the table behind the piano.

“Father, why are you hiding here?”

“Sorry son, suddenly I remembered there is nobody around here except me.”

I’ve just bought a Humpty Dumpty toy from Aldi.
It’s brilliant.
It comes with Aldi King’s horses and Aldi King’s men.

I’ve been trying to break up with an Optician recently. It’s really hard. Every time I tell her I can’t see her anymore, she moves an inch closer and says, “How about now?”

I keep my marriage fresh by unveiling a new personality every few years.

If you walk into a forest and cut down a tree, but the tree doesn’t understand why you cut it down,

do you think it’s stumped?

PAID FOR SEX?
“My friend asked me the other day if I’ve paid for sex. I reminded her that I have children…So yes, I’ve paid dearly for it.”

NO THANK YOU!!!

This one is an old one, but it’s good and very much appropriate to today:

Once upon a time the government had a vast scrap yard in the middle of a desert. Congress said, “Someone may steal from it at night.” So, they created a night watchman position and hired a person for the job.

Then Congress said, “How does the watchman do his job without instruction?” So, they created a planning department and hired two people, one person to write the instructions, and one person to do time studies.

Then Congress said, “How will we know the night watchman is doing the tasks correctly?” So they created a Quality Control department and hired two people. One was to do the studies and one was to write the reports.

Then Congress said, “How are these people going to get paid?” So, they created two positions: a timekeeper and a payroll officer then hired two people.

Then Congress said, “Who will be accountable for all of these people?” So, they created an administrative section and hired three people, an Administrative Officer, Assistant Administrative Officer, and a Legal Secretary.

Then Congress said, “We have had this command in operation for one year and we are $918,000 over budget, we must cut back.” So, they laid off the night watchman.

NOW slowly, let it sink in.
Quietly, we go like sheep to slaughter. Does anybody remember the reason given for the establishment of the DEPARTMENT OF ENERGY ?
Anybody? Anything? Anyone? No? Didn’t think so!
Bottom line is, we’ve spent several hundred billion dollars in support of an agency, the reason for which very few people who read this can remember!

Ready?
It was very simple… and at the time, everybody thought it very appropriate.

TheDepartment of Energy was instituted on 8/04/1977,TO LESSEN OUR DEPENDENCEONFOREIGN OIL.

Hey, pretty efficient, huh???

AND NOW IT’S 2023 — 46 YEARS LATER — AND THE BUDGET FOR THIS “NECESSARY” DEPARTMENT IS AT $242 BILLION A YEAR. IT HAS 16,000 FEDERAL EMPLOYEES AND APPROXIMATELY 100,000 CONTRACT EMPLOYEES.

AND LOOK AT THE JOB IT HAS DONE!

(THIS IS WHERE YOU SLAP YOUR FOREHEAD AND SAY, “WHAT WERE THEY THINKING?”)

34 years ago, 30% of our oil consumption was from foreign imports. Today 70% of our oil consumption is foreign imports.

Ah, yes — good old Federal bureaucracy.

NOW, WE HAVE TURNED OVER THE BANKING SYSTEM, HEALTH CARE, AND THE AUTO INDUSTRY TO THE SAME GOVERNMENT? What can possibly go wrong?

Hello!! Anybody Home?

Signed…. The Night Watchman

Ok, it’s really coming to the point where eating out is CHEAPER and more CONVENIENT than buying groceries and cooking at home.

We’ve seen the village and we don’t want it raising our children.

Conservative, Liberal, Greens or Labor , I think you’ll get a kick out of this!

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, ‘What is Politics?’

Dad says, ‘Well son, let me try to explain it this way:

I am the head of the family, so call me The Prime Minister.

Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government

We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you the People.

The nanny, we will consider her the Working Class.

And your baby brother, we will call him the Future.

Now think about that and see if it makes sense.’

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said.

Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him.

He finds that the baby has severely soiled his Diaper.

So the little boy goes to his parent’s room and finds his mother asleep.

Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny’s room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny..

He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy say’s to his father, ‘Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now. ‘

The father says, ‘Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about.’

The little boy replies, ‘The Prime Minister is screwing the Working Class while the Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and
the Future is in deep shit.’

Camp LeJeune bottled water just passed Bud Light in sales…

English is a fascinating language.

In “plumb”, the b is silent.
In “knife”, the k is silent.
In “pneumatic”, the p is silent.
In “align”, the g is silent.
In “transwomen”, the transwo is silent.

The list goes on and on!

And to put the icing on the cake…

To advance revolutionary transgender agenda targeting children, Biden violates basic tenet of US Flag Code and disrespects every American service member buried under its colors.

U.S. Flag Code §7. (e) The flag of the United States of America should be at the center and at the highest point of the group when a number of flags of States or localities or pennants of societies are grouped and displayed from staffs.

Bastard!

This one was sent in by Leah D…and it’s beautiful!

This one comes to us from Pete

Just doing some reminiscing today. I remember back in school my Chemistry Teacher told the class to write a 1000 word essay on acid…..I got about halfway done and my desk melted and my paper grew wings and flew away……..

A few years ago, some folks from the PETA (People For Ethical Treatment of Animals) and the U.S. Forest Service were at a farm meeting presenting an alternative to West Virginia sheep producers for controlling the coyote population. It seems that after several years of the farmers using the tried and true methods of shooting and/or trapping the predator, the animal rights folks had a “more humane”

solution. What they proposed was for the coyotes to be captured alive, the males castrated and let loose again and the population would be controlled.

All of the shepherds at the meeting thought about this amazing idea for a couple of minutes. Finally, an old man in the back stood up, tipped his hat back and said, “Son, I don’t think you understand the problem.

Those coyotes ain’t screwin’ our sheep……they’re eatin’ ’em.”

Why would the Air Force have these left over?

The things I used to care to do, I no longer care to do, but I really do care that I don’t care to do them anymore…….

Here’s a little tidbit to help depress you….

You spend your whole life gathering guests to attend your funeral….

Because Napoleon believed that armies marched on their stomachs, he offered a prize in 1795 for a practical way of preserving food. The prize was won by a French inventor, Nicholas Appert. What he devised was canning. It was the beginning of the canned food industry of today.

Oh how true that is!!!

My aunt’s neighbour in New York had a beautiful black cat, Felix, who spent his days outside and came indoors at night.

One cool October evening, he disappeared. The neighbour searched for him in vain for several days. The following spring, however, Felix reappeared, looking healthy and clean. She figured he’s been out sowing his wild oats.

Everything was back to normal until that autumn, when Felix disappeared again.

The next spring, he returned.

Perplexed, my aunt’s friend began asking neighbors for clues. Finally, she rang the bell of an older couple who lived down the street.

“A black cat?” the woman said. “Oh, yes! My husband and I hated to see him out in the cold, so we bought a cat carrier. We take him to Florida with us every winter.”

Most of us have a bad habit we are constantly trying to break.

For me, it’s biting my fingernails.

One day I told my husband about my latest solution: press-on nails.

“Great Idea, Honey,” he smiled. “You can eat them straight out of the box.”

After experiencing difficulties with his computer, a poor, incognizant user called the system maker’s technical support line for assistance…

Technician: Hello. How can I help you today?

Customer: There’s smoke coming from the power supply on my computer…

Technician: Looks like you need a new power supply…

Customer: No, I don’t! I just need to change the startup files…

Technician: Sir, what you described is a faulty power supply. You need to replace it…

Customer: No way! Someone told me that I just had to change the system startup files to fix the problem! All I need is for you to tell me the right command…

For the next ten minutes, in spite of the technician’s efforts to explain the problem and its solution, the customer adamantly insisted that he was right. So, in frustration, the technician responded…

Technician: I’m sorry. We don’t normally tell our customers this, but there’s an undocumented DOS command that will fix the problem…

Customer: I knew it!

Technician: Just add the line ‘LOAD NOSMOKE.COM‘ at the end of the CONFIG.SYS file and everything should work fine. Let me know how it goes… About ten minutes later, the technician received a call back from the customer…

Customer: It didn’t work. The power supply is still smoking…

Technician: Well, what version of DOS are you using?

Customer: MS-DOS 6.22…

Technician: Well, that’s your problem. That version of DOS doesn’t include NOSMOKE. You’ll need to contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch. Let me know how it all works out…

When nearly an hour had passed, the phone rang again…

Customer: I need a new power supply…

Technician: How did you come to that conclusion?

Customer: Well, I called Microsoft and told the technician what you said, and he started asking me questions about the make of the power supply…

Technician: What did he tell you?

Customer: He said my power supply isn’t compatible with NOSMOKE…

All the time…

The pastor of the church was speaking a few words on proper conduct to the Sunday school class.

“Willy,” he said to a model little boy in the front row, “Do you know where little boys and girls go when they do bad things?”

“Sure,” Willy said, “Back of the church yard.”

Joe from NJ says this is a very old classic, but I’ll have to hold off on judgement since I’ve never heard it before…but it is funny

Rules of Bedroom Golf

1. Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play – normally one club and two balls.

2. Play on a course must be approved by the owner of the hole.

3. Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and keep the balls out of the hole.

4. For most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft. Course owners are permitted to check the shaft stiffness before play begins.

5. Course owners reserve the right to restrict the length of the club to avoid damage to the hole.

6. The object of the game is to take as many strokes as necessary until the course owner is satisfied that the play is complete. Failure to do so may result in being denied permission to play the course again.

7. It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately upon arrival at the course. The experienced player will normally take time to admire the entire course with special attention to well formed bunkers.

8. Players are cautioned not to mention other courses they have played or are currently playing to the owner of the course being played. Upset course owners have been known to damage a player’s equipment for this reason.

9. Players are encouraged to have proper rain gear just in case.

10. Players should assure themselves that their match has been properly scheduled, particularly when a new course is being played for the first time. Previous players have been known to become irate if they discover someone else playing what they consider to be a private course.

11. Players should not assume a course is in shape for play at all times. Some players may be embarrassed if they find the course to be temporarily under repair. Players are advised to be extremely tactful in this situation. More advanced players will find alternate means of play when this is the case.

12. Players are advised to obtain the course owner’s permission before attempting to play the back nine.

13. Slow play is encouraged, however, players should be prepared to proceed at a quicker pace, at least temporarily, at the course owner’s request.

14. It is considered outstanding performance, time permitting, to play the same hole several times in one match.

15. The course owner will be the sole judge of who is the best player.

16. Players are advised to think twice before considering membership at a given course. Additional assessments may be levied by the course owner and the rules are subject to change. For this reason, many players prefer to continue to play several different courses.

Just love #14

And again Joe tells us this a classic, but this time I agree with him. I heard this one a LONG time ago.

A FLORIDA Highway Patrol officer stops a man on a Harley for traveling faster than the posted speed limit, so he asks the biker his name.
‘Fred,’ he replies.
‘Fred what?’ the officer asks.
‘Just Fred,’ the man responds.
The officer is in a good mood, thinks he might just give the biker a break, and write him out a warning instead of a ticket. But, to play around with him the officer then presses him for the last name.
The man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it.
The officer thinks that he has a ‘nut case’ on his hands but plays along with it. ‘Tell me, Fred, how did you lose your last name?’
The biker replies, “It’s a long story, so stay with me.’
I was born Fred Johnson. I studied hard and got good grades. When I got older, I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went through college, medical school, internship, residency, and finally got my degree, so I was Fred Johnson, MD.
“After a while I got bored being a doctor, so I decided to go back to school. Dentistry was my dream! Got all the way through School, got my degree, so then I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS. Got bored doing dentistry, so I started fooling around with my assistant and she gave me VD, so now I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS, with VD.
“Well, the ADA found out about the VD, so they took away my DDS. Then I was Fred Johnson, MD, with VD. Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Johnson with VD.
Then the VD took away my Johnson, so now I am Just Fred.”
The officer walked away in tears, laughing.

Women will pour hot wax on their vaginas and rip it off just to make you like them more and you’re surprised when they act crazy?

You know what sounds amazing for dinner?

Anything I don’t have to cook.

And with that truly horrible joke from Picard, I am done! I’m outta here. That’s it! Until next time. May you be Blessed with Love and Happiness!

Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments

Dragon Laffs #2192

Posted on June 24, 2023 by impishdragon

Well here we are, back around to the weekend again. I can’t tell you what kind of a week it’s been since I’m working on this on Sunday of the week before! Yes, as I told you on Thursday, I’m doing my very best to get a head-start on this because it’s going to be a VERY busy week for me. So, since I really don’t have anything to talk about because I quite honestly just finished the last Dragon Laffs not that long ago, let’s jump right into the fun stuff on this one and we’ll do some mail and comments and see what comes our way as we go along, shall we?

That is exactly what I would’ve thought of as well, if I hadn’t lived through them myself.

Yeah, I’d kinda like to know who signed that copy…

Fair warning on this next one…if it scrolls like it did for me and you go from video to video…you can lose several hours … like I did!! Okay, you’re safe, I just checked it. Imbedded like this one, you only get Robin Williams…like you’re supposed to. Phew!

Hey! Isn’t that amazing! Those are the only two times that I eat bacon, too!

Remember Einstein’s comment:

“There is a major difference between intelligence and stupidity;

intelligence has its limits.”

So friggin’ smooth. Could almost be a dragon.

I trapped a couple of vegan burglars in my basement.
At least I think they’re vegan.
They kept shouting lettuce leaf.

“My dear, if you poke me with one of those pointy sticks, I’ll be obliged to eat you.”

Hence the term: Nature of the beast.

I accidentally put my contacts in after cutting jalapenos and now I can see the inside of my own brain and the 7th circle of hell.

Very appropriate name.

Doing brain laundry (separating my thoughts into lights and darks)

Update: left one dark thought in the lights, ruined the whole load.

Envy was once considered to be one of the seven deadly sins before it became one of the most admired virtues under its new name,
“SOCIAL JUSTICE.”

I asked the little dude to bring me some cookies, he said he could do it. He could.

Although not in the dictionary, it is reported that “Lexophile” describes a person who loves sentences such as, “You can tune a piano, but you can’t tuna fish,” and, “To write with a broken pencil is pointless.”

An annual competition is held by the ‘New York Times’ to see who can create the best original lexophile.

This year’s submissions:

◾I changed my iPod’s name to Titanic. It’s syncing now.

◾England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

◾Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.

◾This girl today said she recognized me from the Vegetarians Club, but I’d swear I’ve never met herbivore.

◾I know a guy who’s addicted to drinking brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.

◾A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

◾When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.

◾I got some batteries that were given out free of charge.

◾A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.

◾A will is a dead giveaway.

◾With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

◾Police were summoned to a daycare center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

◾A bicycle can’t stand alone; it’s just two tired.

◾The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine last week is now fully recovered.

◾He had a photographic memory but it was never fully developed.

◾When she saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she’d dye.

◾Acupuncture is a jab well done. That’s the point of it.

◾I didn’t like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

◾Did you hear about the crossed-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn’t control her pupils?

◾When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

◾When chemists die, they barium.

◾I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.

◾I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can’t put it down.

Bob and his wife started dieting a week ago.

Bob’s wife proposed that they should have a cheat day today.

She brought home McDonald’s and KFC wings. Bob brought home his secretary.

From his hospital bed, Bob is wondering when men willever begin to understand women.

Another interesting video. This one is a little longer. Thanks to Ted for sending this one.

Pro Tip: If mom asks about it, mom already knows about it, so you best not lie about it.

A perfect metaphor for my life would be

“Someone trying to stand up in a hammock”

I think maybe the key to eating healthy is not eating any food that has a TV commercial.

Not quite…

It’s enough to make me cry!

My family told me to get help for my drinking…so I hired a bartender.

The guy at the furniture store told me the sofa would seat 5 people without any problems.

Then it occurred to me, I don’t think I know 5 people without any problems.

Anybody have an owner’s manual for a wife? Mine’s starting to make a whining sound…

Ted sent us a GREAT collection of pictures. Click on the link and you will be entertained for quite some time. Well worth the click.

TEXAS…………

Historic Photos ……….these are good)

http://douglascountygensoc.org/photos002.html

Stephen B sent me this great website when we were talking about holidays, which shows the different holidays for every different day of the year. Just so you can pick put the important ones from the not so important ones. For instance, today is the 24th of June, if you are reading this on the day that it is published, and here are the holidays for today:

Bartender and Mixologist Day – June 24, 2023 (Last Saturday in June)
Celebration of the Senses
Global Smurfs Day – June 24, 2023 (Closest Saturday to June 25)
Great American Backyard Campout – June 24, 2023 (Fourth Saturday in June)
Great American Picnic Day – June 24, 2023 (Last Saturday in June)
International Fairy Day
International Ragweed Day – June 24, 2023 (Fourth Saturday in June)
National Celebrate Your Marriage Day – June 24, 2023 (Last Saturday in June)
Museum Comes to Life Day
National Haskap Berry Day – June 24, 2023 (Last Saturday in June)
National Pralines Day
Polar Bear Swim (Nome, AK) – June 24, 2023 (Closest Saturday to June 21)
St. Baptiste Day
Swim a Lap Day

So, it’s easy to pick out the important ones, right off. Bartender and Mixologist Day, of course has to be close to the top of the list in importance. He or she has to be one of the most important people in your life, am I right? International Fairy Day, again, some of my best friends are among the Fae. You get the idea. Thanks for the share Stephen B. If you are interested, here’s the website for today: http://www.holidays-and-observances.com/june-24.html and from there I’m sure you can work out whatever other day you are interested in. And of course, there is so much more information on that site than just what I shared. Go on! Go take a look.

Yeah, not sure I could do it.

You are going to be fine. You come from a strong line of lunatics.

Now, that’s a headline I was pretty sure I’d have never read.

Once I went to a party with my husband, full of people he knew (from work) but I didn’t. A guy came up to us, turned to me and said, “You must be his wife.” I turned to my husband and said, “You have a WIFE?” Should’ve seen the guy’s face!

Seems a little…I don’t know…light? easy?

The older you get the more you realize how precious life is. You have no desire for drama, conflict or stress. You just want good friends, a cozy home, food on the table, and people who make you happy.

Naked yoga in the backyard is the best way to get the neighbors to pay for that privacy fence.

When a man says he’ll do anything for a woman, he means fight bad guys and kill dragons (snort, yeah, right!), not vacuum or wash dishes.

Instead of a sign that says, “Do Not Disturb” I need one that says, “Already Disturbed, Proceed With Caution”

Seamus went on a Safari with his wife and Mother-in-law. One morning the wife awakes to find her mother missing. In a worried state, she wakes up Seamus and they both go looking for her! Suddenly they come to a clearing, where they find the mother-in-law standing face-to-face with a ferocious lion. “Quick darling, do something!” screams the wife! “Oh no, no,” says Seamus. “The lion got himself into this mess, he can get himself out!”

If common sense was lard, most people wouldn’t be able to grease a pan.

Ain’t that the truth!!

And finally, Lynn sent us this great essay that I was originally going to put in the Politically Incorrect section, but was so good that I thought it needed it’s own highlight. It is written by Victor Davis Hanson. It’s a little long, but well worth the read.

June 10, 2023

Special Edition

Signs of Decay,

Fears of Decline.

By: Victor Davis Hanson

Blade of Perseus

Part One – June 6, 2023

We can calibrate the decline in the quality of American life by comparisons to both societies of the past and contemporary civilization elsewhere. And the result is not encouraging for Americans.

I believe I may have visited 80 percent of the so-called first world countries in Europe and the Middle East, and in most of the major capitals and large cities—Amsterdam, Athens, Berlin, Brussels, Budapest, Lisbon, London, Madrid, Nicosia, Paris, Prague, Rome, Warsaw, etc., as well as the first-, second-, and third-world non-European cities of Algiers, Amman, Ankara, Baghdad, Beirut, Cairo, Damascus, Istanbul, Jerusalem, Kuwait City, Riyadh, Tel Aviv, and Tripoli.

Over the last 40 years, I have had major surgeries in these cities, stayed in “bad areas,” lived for nearly three years abroad, and traveled to their hinterlands. I have been a journalist who visited Iraq twice during the surge of 2006–07, was in Israel during the worst of the suicide bombings, lived in Athens during the 1973 coup and 1974 war in Cyprus, and visited for two weeks Egypt just after the Yom Kippur War. I have seen firsthand the toxic work of dictators like Khadafi, the violence of the PLO, the changes in Erdogan’s Turkey, and the incompetence of socialists in Europe.

And yet, I never saw in the slums of old Cairo or in the worst environs of Brussels and Naples, or amid the poverty of 1970s rural Turkey anything like what I saw in San Francisco this year and last. The undressed on Market Street and near Union Square were routinely smoking dope, injecting drugs, defecating, urinating, and in various states of pre-civilized behavior. The homeless enclaves of Los Angeles are worse. Were these scenes being filmed for The Last of Us?

Beautiful office buildings were empty. Former stores were shuttered.

I don’t think in the dark days of the Iraq surge, I saw routine smash-and-grab or carjacking to the extent of what routinely goes on in our major cities. I wore body armor in Iraq each day and evening when on patrols with soldiers, and felt much safer than I would after hours on the weekends in Chicago, Baltimore, Memphis, or Detroit.

I was operated on for a ruptured appendix and peritonitis on a wooden table with only an ether fix in a Red Crescent clinic in Khadafi’s Libya, and yet I felt the third-world clinic care in terms of the clientele and fellow patients was less scary than what I have witnessed in ER rooms in the Central Valley of California or in Tucson or Washington, D.C.

I used to define America as hyper-civilized by the courtesy and professionalism of its drivers—not far behind those in Canada, the UK, and Australia—especially in comparison to the road madness in Rome or Athens, or Cairo.

But no longer. The daily fare of the Fresno Bee is a recitation of high-speed wrecks, car jackings, fatal DUIs, and hit-and-run smash-ups. When I drive rural roads in central California, I expect that one out of five cars coming in my direction will be drifting into my lane, either due to incompetence, unfamiliarity with U.S. traffic laws (27 percent of Californians were not born in the U.S.), intoxication or drug euphoria—or texting.

Walking in downtown or midtown New York, or in Washington, or Seattle stinks more than I remember of the corniche in Beirut or the harbor promenade in Alexandria. I am much more likely to be accosted by an obnoxious stranger, homeless person, or would-be criminal in downtown LA, San Francisco, or Portland than in Brussels or Naples—and that is saying something given the latter two disasters. I do not think in Paris or Amman people walk into stores, rob them, and walk out with impunity, with the knowledge that clerks will be fired for reporting their thefts.

Part Two – June 7, 2023

When I drive in rural California and see the shacks, trailers, and compounds of 30-40 persons living in ad hoc shelters with Romex wire and water hoses attached to a small farmhouse, I conclude that this poverty is much more a third-world scene than I remember of Tunisia, Algeria, or Turkey.

Or for that matter, the countryside of northern Mexico seems less impoverished than life outside Mendota, San Joaquin, Orange Cove, or Parlier, California. I would take my chances walking at night in Kuwait City over Minneapolis and would likely find a public restroom on California’s I-5 or the 99 dirtier than its counterpart in rural Greece.

Students that I have met in rural Greece were far better educated than their age counterparts in California. Spaniards in the countryside seemed to know more about America than American teens in New York or Philadelphia.

Japanese or Kuwaiti exchange students I had in college were far better educated than most of my own CSU students. When I taught at Pepperdine, I explained to Chinese students why they rightly seemed afraid to drive alone into most areas of Los Angeles after hours.

My point? The basics of life, especially in our major cities—health care, safety, cleanliness—have reached medieval proportions.

Or to put it more accurately, there are very different Americas. A sophisticated successful suburban America maintains more or less life as unchanged from the 1970s or 1980s and remains comparable to or better than what is found in Europe.

And then there are red-state rural countrysides and small towns that likewise are still civilized.

But in a third of America in parts of the suburbs surrounding the major cities and the cores of almost all our major cities, life is truly third or fourth-world. The ERs are dirty, broke, and mostly exist to attend to evening gunshot wounds and other sorts of inner-city violence.

Garbage piles up on sidewalks around stuffed cans and bins. It is hard to judge whether the smell of marijuana or feces is the stronger odor.

I lost my wallet once in Athens and it was returned in two hours. I have lost glasses, wallet, and cell phones in my hometown of Selma and usually they were never returned or within hours I had thefts show up on my credit cards.

If my car broke down on the side of a freeway, I would prefer it happened in Israel, Germany, or Portugal than in California. There are more broken appliances and wet garbage tossed along the roads of Fresno County than there are in supposedly ragtag Italy.

None of this was true just 20 years ago. When I meet a teen or 20-something person today, I assume he is poorly educated and knows almost nothing about his own country, Gettysburg, World War I, or the Supreme Court. I can be assured only that he is programmed to have the correct ideas about diversity, transgenderism, or the pathologies of his country.

Ignorance and arrogance are a fatal combination, especially when combined with a therapeutic society that has abandoned meritocracy and feels social acceptance and career advantage are found in trashing one’s own culture.

What explains this decline, a decay so rapid that it seems surreal, fantasy-like? How did slow erosion accelerate to produce an unrecognizable country, in which nothing is secure, nothing reliable, nothing predictable anymore?

Part Three – June 9, 2023

Another sign of decline is the weaponization and politicization of institutions. Decadent societies indict their former leaders upon leaving offices. Those in power sic federal agencies on their opponents.

In turn, bureaucrats become agents of those in power, as if in private service—like laptop suppression, diary retrieval, performance-art raiding and arresting, or finding a presidential son’s missing gun.

The Biden family may well have pulled off the greatest pay-for-play grifting scam in presidential history, one that encompassed a decade of selling access to Vice President Biden and supposedly someday President Biden. That the entire kleptocracy will likely only be prosecuted if a Republican administration returns to power is again proof of our third-worldism.

The careers of John Brennan, James Clapper, James Comey, Anthony Fauci, Lois Lerner, Andrew McCabe, Lisa Page, Peter Strzok, and Christopher Wray were weaponized. The above either lied under oath when pressed, suppressed an email trail that exposed their culpability or worked hard to discredit or destroy a political candidate they opposed, or simply stonewalled when asked under oath for accountability.

In third-world America, Matt Taibbi testifies about the abuse and politicization of federal agencies and upon return to his home finds an IRS note requesting a meeting. An Alvin Bragg finds no actionable writ of “falsifying business records” to lodge against private citizen and ex-president Trump but mysteriously does rediscover grounds for a 34-felony-count indictment on now presidential candidate Donald Trump.

When the FBI shows up at school board meeting on the prompt of the teachers’ union hierarchy, or Hillary Clinton destroys with impunity thousands of email records under court subpoena, or during the Roe versus Wade controversies, the FBI starts monitoring traditional Latin-mass Catholic services, or the U.S. military begins sponsoring drag queen shows on military bases, or the President and the Homeland Security secretary condemn as guilty border patrol agents for the fantasy crime of “whipping” illegal alien border crossings as preludes to an announced “investigation,” then we know the U.S. has gone full Brazil, Lebanon, or Congo.

There used to be far more accidents, crashes, mayhem, and chaos in the third world than in America because of an absence of meritocracy. Things break and never get repaired or were substandard to begin with.

I once took a taxi from the airport into Tripoli, Libya, one of the world’s greatest oil exporters. We hit a pothole that swallowed our small Russian car. Then matter-of-factly we both got out to lift the rear of the tiny car out. I asked the driver how such gargantuan road holes could be possible in a nation blessed with limitless oil reserves. His answer was, “We hire our first cousins.”

Translated? “We are tribal people who abhor meritocracy.” During the 1973 Greek dictatorship, my mom sent a pair of $10 Levi’s to me in Athens. They arrived at “customs” which sent me a note to pick them up. I went to the central Athens postal customs office and was told I could have them for $25!

I complained to my Greek professor at the college there. She said, “Give them $5 along with the name of our college director.” I did and the next day the customs supervisor apologized but still asked for $10, which I happily handed over.

So too with wokeness.

The old joke that affirmative action was just desserts for the mediocre politicized English or sociology department, but would never be applied to air traffic controllers, pilots, brain surgeons, or nuclear plant operators is no longer jest.

Non-meritocratic hiring now encompasses every profession. And like the Libyan taxi, we will soon see what filters down when our elite are put in positions of enormous clout and power, largely on the basis of ideological, racial, gender, or ethnic considerations.

If you doubt, remember that a non-compos mentis Biden is one more fall away from Kamala Harris, selected entirely based on her race and sex, and who seems to have a vocabulary smaller than her menu of various chuckles.

Her presidency really would prove that anyone at all can be president.

If you do not take an interest in the affairs of your government, then you are doomed to live under the rule of fools.

Plato

Beautifully written. Well said. And points excellently illustrated. Do we believe that a new President, in 2024, with the exact perfect agenda, can come in and fix everything that is screwed up, in time, before it is too late? Or is it already too late? Lord, I hope not. I pray not. As should all of you. Pray for our country, it may already be a foregone conclusion, but pray that God will find it in His heart to forgive us our sins and bring us back from the brink of destruction. In the mean time, I pray that God will bless you all with Love and Happiness until we meet again.

Posted in Uncategorized | 4 Comments

Dragon Laffs #2191

Posted on June 22, 2023 by impishdragon

So, it’s still Saturday and I’m trying to get ahead of the game and get things going since, even though Monday is a holiday, I still have Men’s Group Monday Night, I have Darts on Tuesday Night, Jail Ministry on Wednesday Night, our new Living Free Group on Thursday Night … I need to retire, just so that I have more time to devote to the groups that I have and to the Lord. It is getting nutty crazy! It truly is.

But, you guys are important to me, too. You always have been and you always will be. That is why I work very hard to have the time to spend time with you guys. Even to the expense of other things. You are my friends, my family, my loved ones. You guys have been there for me when no one else has. Dragons are like elephants, we never forget.

So, looking WAY ahead into the future, I foresee…Thursday! So, let’s get some of the laughter out of the way first, since that is what you all come here for anyway, right? To take your minds off of things…and I’ll fill in the blanks as we go along.

Get it? Come on people, think! It’s right there! Got to do with a desert. Not dessert, like … yum … apple pie

Okay, off track… no, has to do with a desert

Okay, I’ve given you enough time…how about this:

You get it now? LOL!

I always see more people walking into Walmart than out of Walmart.

But the meat is cheap so I don’t ask questions.

My neighbor just got arrested for growing marijuana.

Guess my property line isn’t where I thought it was.

Three Irish men in a pub called Mick, Pat, and Tat. The barman says, “Are you all related?” Mick said, “Yeah, we’re triplets.” The barman says, “Triplets, how come you and Pat are six foot tall and Tat is only four foot tall?” “Well,” said Mick, “Me and Pat were breast fed, so there was not tit for Tat…”

A flower for all the lovely ladies…and that’s ALL of you!

You have got to click on this link. It is an excellent article called God’s Rambo: The Story of a Real Life Road Warrior. The article is from Curbside Classic and was sent to me by The Whelpling. And it is EXCELLENT!! https://www.curbsideclassic.com/blog/international/gods-rambo-the-story-of-a-real-life-road-warrior/

Sometimes I like to mess with my husband and hide his stuff where he can’t possibly find it. Like I put his shoes in the shoe closet, his jacket on the hanger and his keys on the key hook.

Most States: Oh No! An invasive species!

Louisiana: What they taste like?

Another mermaid picture, just because…

I’ve reached an age where I can’t tell if I sustained an injury or if that’s just how I am now.

I told the waitress my steak was bad. She picked it up, slapped it, put it down and said, “if it gives you more trouble let me know!”

No kidding!!!

Ask not why the children shouldn’t see drag queens; ask why drag queens crave an audience of children.

I know we’ve said that many times in the past.

Mercedes for Sale @ $1

Someone put up this advertisement. No one believed it could be true so no one responded, but an old man responded and went to see the car.

The lady actually sold him a Mercedes, which had done just 7,200 miles, for $1.

She handed him the papers and the car keys. Deal done.

As the old man was leaving, he said, “I shall die of suspense if you don’t tell me why this car was sold so cheap?”

The Lady replied, “I am just fulfilling the will of my deceased husband, where it’s written that the money received from the sale of his Mercedes would go to his Secretary…”

Wives are Wives, in life, after death too…

If my body was a car, I would trade it in for a new model. Because every time I cough or sneeze, my radiator leaks and my exhaust backfires.

AMEN! Teaching our kids to ball up their fists and fight back against a bully is about the best thing we can do! I don’t care what the school’s policy on fighting is or whatever! Little Izzy Dragon was called into the Principal’s office once for fighting. I knew she was getting bullied at school (it’s eventually why we took her out of school) and I taught her to fight back. Don’t you ever start a fight, but NOBODY lays a hand on you without you laying them out on their ass. You don’t stop until they either run away or are flat on their back. Well, we got called into the office because Izzy was involved in a fight…with a boy. Who was picking on her. We had complained about this boy to the school before. She wanted to hit this boy and I told her she was not allowed unless this boy hit her first. Well, one day he did. She kicked his butt. Principal says Izzy is getting suspended for three days for fighting. I said wait, who started the fight? Principal says it doesn’t matter. Zero tolerance. I said that’s the dumbest rule I’ve ever heard of in my life. So, if you’re getting raped or murdered, you’re not supposed to fight back? Principal said, no one was getting raped or murdered. I said, How do you know? If Izzy hadn’t fought back, how do you know? We are teaching kids to allow themselves to be beaten up, possibly raped and possibly murdered by your zero tolerance policy. The principal says, well Izzy beat up this boy. And I said as well she should have because THAT’S WHAT I TAUGHT HER TO DO AND IT’S A DAMN GOOD THING MY TEACHING WAS BETTER THAN YOURS. So, I asked Izzy, who threw the first punch. She said, He did. I said case closed. You want to suspend her for fighting that’s up to you. As far as I’m concerned, he got what he deserved, but your policy is 100% wrong. We are raising a generation of victims if we continue in this manner.

Just sold my Homing Pigeon on eBay for the 22nd time.

That’s a good, legitimate question!

The fastest land mammal is a toddler who’s been asked “What’s in your mouth?”

Fact Of The Day:

Didn’t Like Socks

Another not-so-common fact about famed theoretical physicist Albert Einstein is that he did not like to wear socks. Per his own words, “I found out that this big toe always ends up making a hole in a sock. So I stopped wearing socks.”

No one is more full of crap than a parent that just said “Maybe.”

And it was all over the news at the time.

And sadly, this is the last of this collection

Maybe we’ll get some other collection for next time.

Now that’s a doily addiction gone too far!

The restraining order doesn’t mean we can’t hang out.
It just says I can’t get within 50 feet of you.
So, you want to play catch or frisbee, or something?

Some of y’all take social media WAY too seriously…
Just laugh and scroll my friend, laugh and scroll.

There are some people in life that make you laugh a little louder, smile a little bigger and live just a little bit better.

Truth

I’m writing a book about all the things I should be doing in my life. It’s an oughtobiography.

All of my life, everyone’s advice was always:

“GO FOR BROKE!”

I’m happy to report that I succeeded.

Every loaf of bread is a tragic story of a group of grains that could have become whiskey but didn’t.

I know, right! It sends shivers up MY arms! And with that lovely picture trapped beautifully in your little brains, I will leave you now. Tune in on Saturday for the continuing adventures of Impish Dragon and his wonderful band of fellow travelers. (That’s you lot, by the way). May God Bless you and keep you until we meet again.