Okay, so good news bad news. There won’t be an issue on Thursday, and probably not on Saturday, or Monday and the way things are looking maybe not next week. There are a couple of reasons for this. The first is that the darn exercise kicked off early, today to be exact and I will be working long shifts all week and through the weekend and won’t have time to breath, much less work with you guys. I’m really sorry, but we’ve been through this before.
The other reason is that the PAPERWORK HAS FINALLY BEEN SIGNED!!!!! And if the lawyers can get it signed by the court I will probably be in Florida next week taking care of business and saving my brothers house from foreclosure. I feel like a ton of weight has been lifted from my chest. Now, what I need for you guys to do is PRAY!
PRAY that there is money in his account down there to take care of everything so that it all works out for the best!
That’s all I got. I’ll try to keep you guys informed, but for now. Thanks for being understanding and thanks for being you guys.
It is drawing me again. I can hear the Spirit calling to me to write more. The last article is finished, or at least I thought it was…it is…but is it just an article? Part of a booklet? A chapter in a book? A book of articles? Does it all tie together with some of the other stuff I’ve written? I wish I could share it with you guys, but it’s a bit long to put here in Dragon Laffs. I was wondering about starting another website just to try out that sort of thing, but then would I just be satisfied with posting stuff there and not try to put it out further?
Every website/Christian Magazine that I’ve looked at so far has either not responded to me or espouses the same opinions that I am critical of.
But, the Spirit is telling me to write…so I will write.
And I will talk and visit and laugh and comfort with and to you guys. Maybe I will post my current article in two or three parts for you guys in my Last Word section. Maybe.
Wow!
A priest and a rabbi operated a church and a synagogue across the street from each other. Since their schedules intertwined, they decided to go in together to buy a car.
After the purchase, they drove it home and parked it on the street between them.
A few minutes later, the rabbi looked out and saw the priest sprinkling water on their new car. It didn’t need a wash, so he hurried out and asked the priest what he was doing. “I’m blessing it,” the priest replied.
The rabbi considered this a moment, then went back inside the synagogue.
He reappeared a moment later with a hacksaw, walked over to the back of the car and cut off two inches of the tailpipe.
The room service waiter at the Naples Ritz Carlton, after setting up a table for an elaborate dinner for two, asked, “Will there be anything else, sir?”
“No, thank you,” the gentleman replied. “That will be all.”
As the waiter turned to leave, he noticed a beautiful satin negligee on the bed. “
Anything for your wife?” he asked.
“Yeah! Now that you mentioned it, that’s a good idea,” the gent said.
“Can you please bring up a postcard!”
“Sex education has its own special problems,” an instructor in the field pointed out to me.
“One of my students has become pregnant, and I don’t know whether to flunk her or give her extra credit.”
I think I might just be in Love!
This is very cute! Thanks Joe for the video and I agree with your comment.
Here’s another cool one that I thought you’d like…
Boy ain’t that the truth.
“Charm is a way of getting the answer yes without asking a clear question.”
Albert Camus (1913 – 1960)
Life Insurance is something that keeps a poor man poor all his life so he can die rich.
This is a GREAT shirt sent in by Pop Smith
Maine Law
You may not step out of a plane in flight.
The teacher asked her class, “What do you want out of life?”
A little girl in the back row raised her hand and said, “All I want out of life is four little animals”.
The teacher asked, “Really and what four little animals would that be, sugar?”
The little girl said, “A mink on my back, a jaguar in the garage, a tiger in the bed and a jackass to pay for it all.”
The teacher fainted
As soon as she had finished convent school, a bright young girl named Lena shook the dust of Ireland off her shoes and made her way to New York where before long, she became a successful performer in show business.
Eventually she returned to her home town for a visit and on a Saturday night went to confession in the church, which she had always attended as a child.
In the confessional Father Sullivan recognized her and began asking her about her work.
She explained that she was an acrobatic dancer, and he wanted to know what that meant.
She said she would be happy to show him the kind of thing she did on stage.
She stepped out of the confessional and within sight of Father Sullivan, she went into a series of cartwheels, leaping splits, handsprings and back flips.
Kneeling near the confessional, waiting their turn, were two middle-aged ladies.
They witnessed Lena’s acrobatics with wide eyes, and one said to the other: “Will you just look at the penance Father Sullivan is givin’ out this night, and me without me bloomers on!”
Michael: “I think that the cute little pharmacist down at the pharmacy is stuck up.”
Roy: “Why do you say that?”
Michael: “Well, I ask her out every month when I go in to get my herpes and hemorrhoid medicines, but she just looks at me like I’m a leper or something.”
THINGS NOT TO SAY ON YOUR VALENTINE’S DATE
Nice outfit. Is that a wonder-bra?
I really don’t like this restaurant that much, but I wanted to use this 2-for-1 coupon before it expired.
No wine for me tonight. My urologist says it’s not good to mix alcohol and penicillin.
I used to come here all the time with my ex.
I never said you NEED a nose job. I just said it wouldn’t hurt to consider it.
Could you excuse me? My cat gets lonely if he doesn’t hear my voice on the answering machine every hour.
I really feel that I’ve grown in the past few years. Used to be I wouldn’t have given someone like you a second look.
And I won that trophy in the inter-fraternity belching contest.
I know you said you don’t eat anything with a face. But a good butcher will cut that part off for you if you ask.
It’s been tough, but I’ve come to accept that most people I date just won’t be as smart as I am.
I want this guy as MY doctor!
Donald Duck and Daisy Duck were spending the night together in a hotel room and Donald wanted to have sex with Daisy.
The first thing Daisy asked was, “Do you have a condom?”
Donald frowned and said, “No.”
Daisy told Donald that if he didn’t get a condom, they could not have sex.
“Maybe they sell them at the front desk,” she suggested.
So Donald went down to the lobby and asked the hotel clerk if they had condoms.
“Yes, we do,” the clerk said and pulled a box out from under the counter and gave it to Donald.
The clerk asked, “Would you like me to put them on your bill?”
“Thit No!” Donald quacked, “I’d thuffocate!”
Yup, figured that one out a while ago…
I miss mean tweets and world peace…
This is a really good spot to put in this one that brother Sasquatch sent me. Read this one closely and then read it again. For all your friends out there who think that taking guns away from everyone will solve all the problems and for all the ones that think that stricter gun control laws will solve all the problems. Izzy Dragon was one of those and then I read her this and we talked about it and she had her eyes opened…not all the way, yet. But it’s a start. Thanks, my hairy brother.
Why You Need a Gun
A couple years ago I was working security at a bar in northern Virginia. I overheard a table of college kids arguing about gun rights and gun control and it was getting far too emotional so I did what any sane combat veteran would do and attempted to exfiltrate. I must not have withdrawn as surreptitiously as I intended, because I was stopped in my tracks when a 5-foot-nothing brunette seemingly leapt in front of me and blurted out “excuse me, can you help us?”
I’m sure I must have looked irritated as I cycled through the possible quips and excuses I considered available to me, but being uncertain that she wasn’t some Senator’s daughter, I caved: “What’s up?”
She basically leads me to this table of 2 other females (probably both named Karen) and a very soft looking male.
Becky: “So, we were just talking about current events and, you know. So, you look like you’re probably in the military, right? Like the Army?”
(When you accuse someone of being in the military, you probably don’t need to give an example)
Me: “Similar.. yeah”
Becky: “Right. Okay. So, do you think civilians should be allowed to own guns?”
Me: “Most of us. Yes.”
Becky: (clearly not happy with my answer) “Okay, so, why do you think you need a gun?”
(At this point it’s almost 2am and I’ve just given up on patience. Hold my beer)
(So I said with intentionally overt condescension): “Oh, honey, I don’t. I don’t need a gun.” Becky stares at me blankly, so I continue, but with a more serious tone:
“I could follow you home, walk up your driveway, and beat you to death with the daily newspaper.
I could choke you to death with that purse.
I could take a credit card, break it in half, and cut your throat open with it.
With enough time and effort I could beat your boyfriend here senseless with a rolled up pair of socks.
I could probably dream up six dozen other ways I could easily end your life if you gave me an hour or so.
If I wanted to, I could wrap my hand around that beer mug and kill all four of you before you could make it to the exit. The worst part is, in your utopian little fantasyland, there ain’t a single thing any of you could do about it.
I don’t need a gun.
YOU need a gun.
You need a gun because of men like me.”
Call me a jerk, but if you want to keep your guns, these are the conversations we all need to start having.
The gun is the first weapon not dependent upon the strength of its operator for its efficiency. God made big men, and God made little men (and women), and Smith & Wesson/Colt/Ruger/SA make the equalizer for them all.
And that is probably the very best example I’ve heard in a long time as to why we should be arming most everybody in America. That is why we have an armed security team at our church every Sunday. And I heard today, at church, that there are states…or the federal government (I’m not sure which) that are trying to make laws to make it illegal to form armed security teams at churches. I’m not sure HOW they can do that, but they are doing so many other anti-Christian things, that it wouldn’t surprise me.
You ask me, “What anti-Christian things?”
Okay, how about the fact that that people are getting arrested for FELONY discrimination charges for doing a burnout on a painted LGBTQ…whatever sign or flag in an intersection and others who destroy and burn churches are released with a warning? How about the fact that burning the American Flag is an act of free speech and again, burning the LBG alphabet flag is a hate crime? They are coming for us, my friends.
I think I’ve mentioned before how intrigued I am with submarines…this one is pretty cool
Sadly, that has to be it for today my friends. Until next time, whenever that might be. I’ll try to keep you informed one way or the other. God Bless you all until we meet again.
You know, I’m getting really tired of telling you guys about the crappy week I’ve had and then apologizing for not having the time to do a good job on the issue I’m currently working on. I got letters in the mail this week about foreclosing on my brothers house unless I catch up the mortgage to the tune of about $3500. The paperwork still isn’t done due to … something that I really shouldn’t talk about here because I don’t really understand what her issue is and I don’t want to say things that may not be true and all I’m trying to do is the best that I can do. I get nothing out of it. NONE of the estate goes to me. Nothing, nada, zilch. I am working only towards the beneficiary and I just can’t afford to put any more money into this. I don’t HAVE any more money TO PUT into this and it’s almost to the point that I’m ready to wash my hands of the whole thing and lose the $10,000 that I’ve already put in, but I want to do the right thing. I KNOW God will take care of me. And I KNOW that I shouldn’t be, but I’m worried about it. I’m losing sleep over it and it’s starting to affect my job.
So, like I said, I’m tired of that being the thing I end up talking about every single time I talk to you guys, so I’m done.
I did get a huge blessing the other day. Our own dear Stephanie, who has been a dear friend for many years, although we’ve never met face to face, wrote something for me, that has really helped. I want to thank her publicly for her support and her love and maybe I’ll share what she wrote to me later.
I also want to thank ALL of you for the love and support I’ve gotten from all of you. I’ve gotten some great emails and some comments that I’ll be sharing,
We have an exercise that starts on Thursday and runs through the weekend, so I’m not sure how many episodes you’ll get over the next week, if any. I will do my best to put stuff out and to let you know what’s going on.
I know you guys are used to it and that it happens to me every now and again and we’ll just pick up when we exercise put the world back together again. We are doing an exercise this weekend to get ready for a big inspection/exercise at the beginning of April, but if we do well in April, we should be good for a while. If we do BAD in April, you may not hear from me for several months because it will be HELL around here. LOL! I shouldn’t laugh because that won’t really be far from the truth. But, we should be fine.
Anyway, let’s get this train out of the station, shall we?
Sigh! Yeah, that’s what I was afraid of…
This first video is absolutely amazing! Thanks to Joe for this one.
You’re going to ask about $60 toilet paper and not say a word about THOSE TOES!?!?
At a party, a woman walked up to Calvin Coolidge, 30th U.S. president (1923 to 1929) and said, “My husband bet me I couldn’t get three words out of you.”
Coolidge replied “You lose.”
Indiana Law
Mustaches are illegal if the bearer has a tendency to habitually kiss other humans.
Wow. And to think I was breaking the law for so many years…
Sure, this seems legit.
That’s a pretty good trick…from Indiana
After waiting more than an hour and a half for her date, the young lady decided she had been stood up.
She changed from her dinner dress into pajamas and slippers, fixed some popcorn and resigned herself to an evening of TV.
No sooner had she flopped down in front of the TV than her door- bell rang.
There stood her date. He took one look at her and gasped, “I’m two hours late–and you’re still not ready?”
A priest and a rabbi found themselves sharing a compartment on a train.
After a while, the priest put down his book and opened a conversation by saying, “I know that in your religion, you’re not supposed to eat pork… but have you really never even tasted it?”
The rabbi closed his newspaper and responded, “I must tell you the truth. Yes, I have, on the odd occasion.”
The rabbi had his turn of interrogation: “I know that in your religion, you’re supposed to be celibate, but…”
The priest interjected, “Yes, I know what you are going to ask, and yes, I have succumbed to temptation once or twice.”
The two resumed their reading. It was silent for a while.
Then the rabbi peeked around his newspaper with a smile and said, “Better than pork, isn’t it?”
A philosophy professor stood before his class and had some items in front of him.
When the class began, wordlessly he picked up a large empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with rocks, rocks about 2″ in diameter.
He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was. So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles, of course, rolled into the open areas between the rocks. He then asked the students again if the jar was full.
They agreed it was. The students laughed. The professor picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else.
“Now,” said the professor, “I want you to recognize that this is your life. The rocks are the important things – your family, your partner, your health, your children – things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, your car. The sand is everything else, the small stuff.
“If you put the sand into the jar first, there is no room for the pebbles or the rocks. The same goes for your life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Take care of the rocks first – the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.”
But then a student then took the jar which the other students and the professor agreed was full, and proceeded to pour in a glass of beer.
Of course the beer filled the remaining spaces within the jar making the jar truly full.
The moral of this tale is: no matter how full your life is, there is always room for beer.
LOVE – When you’re only interested in doing things with your partner. LUST – When you’re only interested in doing things TO your partner. MARRIAGE – When you’re only interested in your golf score.
LOVE – When intercourse is called “making love.”‘ LUST – When intercourse is called “screwing.” MARRIAGE – When intercourse is a town in Pennsylvania.
A lawyer dies in a car accident on his 40th birthday and finds himself greeted at the Pearly Gates by a brass band. Saint Peter runs over, shakes his hand and says “Congratulations!”
“Congratulations for what?” asks the lawyer.
“Congratulations for what?!?” says Saint Peter. “We’re celebrating the fact that you lived to be 160 years old.”
“But that’s not true,” says the lawyer. “I only lived to be forty.”
“That’s impossible,” says Saint Peter. “We’ve added up your time sheets.”
A famed English explorer was invited to Dartmouth to tell of his adventures in the African jungle.
“Can you imagine,” he demanded, “people so primitive that they love to eat the embryo of certain birds, and slices from the belly of certain animals?
And grind up grass seed, make it into a paste, burn it over a fire, then smear it with a greasy mess they extract from the mammary fluid of certain other animals?”
When the students looked startled by such barbarism, the explorer added softly, “What I’ve been describing, of course, is a breakfast of bacon and eggs and buttered toast.”
Roy Rogers and Trigger wended their way home after a most satisfying day at work tending the boundary fences on Roy’s large spread.
About a mile from the homestead Roy noticed a cloud of dust rising from the trail that led from home to the main gate.
As he approached, he saw that it was a large squad of cavalry soldiers led by Major Ted.
As he came up to the column of troops Major Ted called, “Whoa!” and addressed the famous cowboy.
“Good evening, Mr Rogers,” he said.
“Good evening, Major,” replied Roy Rogers.
“Are you’ heading home, Sir?” asked the Major.
“I am indeed, yessir, I’m looking forward to a real meal.”
“Just before you go, Mr Rogers, I’m afraid I have some bad news for you.”
“Like what, Major?”
“Well, sir, the Indians have been on the rampage over at your homestead.”
“My God! I’d better get over there right away!”
“Just a minute Roy, there’s more. There’s not much left of your house I’m afraid”
“That’s terrible, I’ve got to get home to my family”
“Hold on Roy, there’s more. I’m afraid they scalped your five children and appear to have raped the girls beforehand.”
“Those savages!! I’ve got to get home to my wife, she must be beside herself with grief!”
“Sorry Roy, but there’s more. They also raped your wife and mother before killing them. All the cattle are gone and they put an arrow through your dog Bullet. Most of the house is burned to the ground and they put poison in your water supply.”
“Oh my God! This is the worst day of my life! But still, I’d better get over there and see if there’s anything at all I can do”
“Hold on, Roy – there’s just one more thing . . .”
“Yes Major?”
“Before you go. How’s about a little song for the boys?”
When I worked for the security department of a large retail store, my duties included responding to fire and burglar alarms.
A side door of the building was wired with a security alarm, because it was not supposed to be used by customers.
Nevertheless they found the convenience of the exit tempting. Even a sign with large red letters, warning “Alarm will sound if opened,” failed to deter people from using it.
One day, after attending to a number of shrieking alarms, I placed a small handmade sign on the door that totally eliminated the problem: “Wet paint.”
Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.
Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
Law of the Telephone: When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged one.
Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.
Variation Law: If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.
Bath THEOREM When the body is immersed in water , the telephone rings.
LAW of the RESULT When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, it will.
LAW OF BIOMECHANICS The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
THEATRE RULE At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.
LAW OF COFFEE As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
Aliens: Take us to your leader.
Humans: No… You’ll laugh at us.
Give a Democrat a fish and he’ll eat for a day. Teach a Democrat to fish and he’ll steal your rod, take your wallet, sexually assault the fish, and then blame President Trump.
It is hard to imagine a more stupid or more dangerous way of making decisions than by putting those decisions in the hands of people who pay no price for being wrong.
Did you hear about the blonde that…
….Lost her boyfriend because she forgot where she laid him.
….Thought that asphalt was rectum trouble.
….Was called tapioca because she could be made in a minute.
….Thought her typewriter was pregnant because it missed a period.
….Thought that “no kidding” meant some form of birth control.
….Thought that peter pan was something for under the bed.
….Thought that “Moby Dick” was a venereal disease.
….Thought that a sanitary belt was a drink from clean shot glass.
….Smelled good only on the right side because she couldn’t find the left guard.
….Wore union pants because her best friend was having labor pains.
….Studied 5 days for a urine test.
….Thought KOTEX was a radio station in Texas.
….Thought fetus was a character from “Gunsmoke”.
….Thought a mushroom was a place to kiss.
….Was in the Indy 500 and had 7 pit stops, 1 for gas and 6 for directions.
….Put 75 holes in her face?…she was learning to eat with a fork.
Character is like a tree, and reputation like its shadow. The shadow is what we think of it; the tree is the real thing.
-Abraham Lincoln (1809 – 1865)
Dear Mom and Dad,
Our scoutmaster told us to write to our parents in case you saw the flood on TV and were worried. We are OK. Only one of our tents and two sleeping bags got washed away. Luckily, none of us got drowned because we were all up the mountain looking for Chad when it happened. Oh yes, please call Chad’s mother and tell her he is OK. He can’t write because of the cast.
I got to ride in one of the search and rescue jeeps. It was neat. We never would have found him in the dark if it wasn’t for the lightning. Scoutmaster Walt got mad at Chad for going on a hike alone without telling anyone. Chad said he did tell him, but it was during the fire so he probably didn’t hear him.
Did you know that if you put gas on a fire, the gas can will blow up? The wet wood didn’t burn, but one of the tents did. Also some of our clothes. John is going to look weird until his hair grows back. We will be home on Saturday if Scoutmaster Walt gets the car fixed. It wasn’t his fault about the wreck. The brakes worked OK when we left.
Scoutmaster Walt said that a car that old you have to expect something to break down; that’s probably why he can’t get insurance. We think it’s a neat car. He doesn’t care if we get it dirty, and if it’s hot, sometimes he lets us ride on the fenders. It get pretty hot with 10 people in a car. He let us take turns riding in the trailer until the highway patrolman stopped and talked to us. Scoutmaster Walt is a neat guy. Don’t worry, he is a good driver. In fact, he is teaching Terry how to drive on the mountain roads where there isn’t any traffic. All we ever see up here is logging trucks.
This morning, all of the guys were diving off the rocks and swimming out in the lake. Scoutmaster Walt wouldn’t let me because I can’t swim, and Chad was afraid he would sink because of his cast, so he let us take the canoe across the lake. It was great. You can still see some of the trees under the water from the flood. Scoutmaster Walt isn’t crabby like some scoutmasters. He didn’t even get mad about the lifejackets. He has to spend a lot of the time working on the car so we are trying not to cause him any trouble.
Guess what? We have all passed our first aid merit badges. When Dave dove in the lake and cut his arm, we got to see how a tourniquet works. Wade and I threw up, but Scoutmaster Walt said it probably was just food poisoning from the leftover chicken. He said they got sick that way with food they ate in prison. I’m so glad he got out and became our scoutmaster. He said he sure figured out how to get things done better while he was doing his time. By the way, what is a pedophile?
I have to go now. We are going to town to mail our letters and buy bullets. Don’t worry about anything. We are fine.
Love, Jordie
PS: How long has it been since I had a tetanus shot?
And with that pleasant thought, I have to end here. Be blessed until we meet again.
Seaside Heights, New Jersey. That’s an old picture of Casino Pier, and it’s winter time, you can tell because no one is around and the surfers are in wet suits. There is an ever so slight possibility that one of them is actually me. I don’t remember having my picture taken, but who would have stopped to get permission from a couple of kids back in the 70s.
Memories.
I’ve got to get ready to go pick up Izzy from work. Got to take the two beasties out first. I’m considering something. And right now I’m just rambling and not making much sense. I’ve got this article written and no place to publish it. It’s too big for Facebook, where I’ve put stuff before. Too small for a book, by any STRETCH of the imagination. Too controversial for most of the mainstream Christian magazines and websites. I need a niche publishing site. You guys got any ideas?
Alright, gotta go, talk to you guys later..
This one is from Aussie Pete and like the little meme says, it’s an oldie but goodie.
If You’re Outdoors, Wear a Bell Please
“Important Announcement: In light of the rising frequency of human – grizzly bear conflicts, the Alaska Department of Fish and Game is advising hikers, hunters, and fishermen to take extra precautions and keep alert of bears while in the field. They advise that outdoorsmen wear noisy little bells on their clothing so as not to startle bears that aren’t expecting them. They also advise outdoorsmen to carry pepper spray with them in case of an encounter with a bear. It is also a good idea to watch out for fresh signs of bear activity. Outdoorsmen should recognize the difference between black bear and grizzly bear dung. Black bear dung is smaller and contains lots of berries and squirrel fur. Grizzly bear dung has little bells in it and smells like pepper.”
First, in any discussion, it’s essential everyone agrees on definitions, otherwise the discussion will go round and round and get nowhere, like a hamster jogging away fruitlessly on its wheel.
The word “eternal” defines something that goes on and on and on in time, that persists forever within a timeline. By contrast, the word “timeless” defines something that exists outside of any timeline.
Most people don’t recognize this all-important distinction and therefore end up creating utter confusion. It doesn’t help that most English translations of the Bible use the word “eternal” to describe the nature of God; but God is timeless, not eternal.
He doesn’t exist within any timeline – and certainly not the timeline that confines us mortals. According to the Bible, God created time (and space, matter, and energy), so he exists outside of time (and space, matter, and energy).
Scientists used to believe that the cosmos was timeless; therefore, there was no need for an agent of creation. But what we’ve discovered in cosmology since 1929 now does require us to believe in an agent of creation. That’s the enormous challenge for today’s Atheists. A person is certainly free to believe that the agent of creation is a timeless singularity; but such a belief: (A) isn’t part of science’s modern standard cosmological model (not even Steven Hawking believed in such a thing), and (B) isn’t any less supernatural – doesn’t require any less faith; in fact, arguably requires more faith – than a belief in the timeless God of the Bible. In fact, using the language of science, one could define the God of the Bible as a timeless singularity!
Bottom line, the recent discoveries in cosmology make the existence of a timeless, sentient Creator more credible, not less. The awe & wonder of the natural world!
– Love, Dr. Michael Guillén PhD
So, thanks to Lynn, this is the first time I’ve ever heard of Dr. Michael Guillen. I’ve done some investigation in to him and listened to a couple of his podcasts and he’s a very interesting guy. Scientist and Christian. He’s worth looking into, and this statement, makes a heck of a lot of sense.
I’m not 100% sure, but I really thought the truck part was supposed to stay on the ground.
I’m sure (I hope) that its a fake, but what a great joke (I really hope)
From one doctor to another:
“I just lost my best patient.”
“What did he die of?”
“He didn’t die…he got well.”
Wow! Just…Wow!
Illinois, Chicago Law
It is legal to protest naked in front of city hall as long as you are under seventeen years of age and have legal permits.
Not sure exactly what the lead-in to this is, but I think we can all figure it out…
Some grade school teachers must agree with that, because they keep journals of amusing things their students have written in papers. Here are a few examples:
– The future of “I give” is “I take.”
– The parts of speech are lungs and air.
– The inhabitants of Moscow are called Mosquitoes.
– A census taker is man who goes from house to house increasing the population.
– Most of the houses in France are made of plaster of Paris.
– The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 opossums.
– The spinal column is a long bunch of bones. The head sits on the top and you sit on the bottom.
– We do not raise silk worms in the United States, because we get our silk from rayon. He is a larger worm and gives more silk.
– A scout obeys all to whom obedience is due and respects all duly constipated authorities.
– The climate is hottest next to the creator.
– Syntax is all the money collected at the church from sinners.
– Iron was discovered because someone smelt it.
– In the middle of the 18th century, all the morons moved to Utah.
I suppose that is one way to get a seat to yourself
Democratic history book?
One of my favorites
There has to be a GREAT story behind this. But, I can’t see as how it was that pickup that lost the couch.
Only in Chicago
One day a little Johnny was at school. In Social Studies class, his teacher was talking about people’s last names, about how in the old days their last names used to indicate their occupations.
She gave examples like Baker, which meant he was a baker for a living; Miller meant that person worked in a paper mill, and so on.
Then little Johnny raised his hand, and the teacher said, “Do you have an example for the class?”
He said, “Not really, more of a question.”
“Well, what’s your question?” the teacher asked.
“Well,” said little Johnny, “what did John Hancock do for a living?”
For every twist bolt, there’s a screwed up screw somewhere.
A Priest and a Rabbi, who have been the best of friends for years, were always arguing the finer points of their respective theologies, trying to prove the other one was wrong.
One day while they were riding in a car, they got cut off by a drunk driver.
The car flew off the road, rolled five times end-over-end, and came to rest on its roof. The Priest and Rabbi crawled from the wreckage and were amazed that they were alive.
As the Priest crossed himself, he noticed the Rabbi doing the same.
The Priest shouts, “Praise Be! You’ve seen the Light!”
“What?” said the Rabbi.
“You-you’ve crossed yourself. You have seen the True Way! This is wonderful.”
“Cross myself?!? No no no ! Not me, I was just checking if everything was still in place . . . .Spectacles, Testicles, Wallet and Watch.”
Wait until you see it.
A rookie Police Officer was assigned to ride in a cruiser with a more experienced partner.
A call came over the car’s radio telling them to disperse some people in town who were loitering.
The officers drove to the street and immediately observed a small crowd standing on one corner.
The rookie rolled down his window and said, “Let’s get off the corner.”
No one moved, so he barked again, “Let’s get off the corner now!”
Intimidated, the group of people began to leave, casting puzzled glances in his direction.
Proud of his first official act, the young policeman turned to his partner and asked, “Well, how did I do?”
Pretty good, “replied the veteran, “Considering this is a bus stop.”
Don’t worry about not having a valentine on Valentine’s Day. You probably didn’t have a groundhog on groundhogs day either.
If Joe Biden is unfit to stand trial,
he’s unfit to be president.
It’s that simple.
I’ve seen these stats over and over again, and yet they still amaze me.
Oh come on. They got close!
Has anyone else noticed that the symbol “&” looks like a person dragging their butt across the floor?
Wow, and I couldn’t draw a straight line…I’ll tell you guys that story some time.
That moment when you have something really important to say but you’re waiting for the person who is talking to stop talking, but when they do, you forget what you were going to say.
That is awesome!
I laughed so hard when I read this! That is God telling you not to play with stuff you shouldn’t, you silly man, you! Just like the Turkish diplomat who said that allah would destroy Israel while he was on stage and he didn’t get more than a step and than collapsed.
If I had a dollar for every time I got distracted, I wish I had a puppy.
I’m going through her list looking for stuff to argue with…check back with me later.
It takes 6-8 pallbearers to lift you up when you’re deceased. Imagine what you can accomplish if you had 6-8 people lifting you up while you are living.
The visual that brings to mind is hilarious!
The man who turned water into wine can also turn YOUR suffering into Joy! AMEN.
This one really made me think:
I never knew how strong I was until I had to forgive someone who wasn’t sorry, and accept an apology I never received.
Wow….
Dear February,
I don’t want any trouble from you. Just come in, sit down, don’t touch anything, and keep your mouth shut!!
ENGLISH IS A DIFFICULT LANGUAGE. IT CAN BE UNDERSTOOD THROUGH TOUGH THOROUGH THOUGHT, THOUGH.
Despite setting up a business using my lathe to make religious figures out of wood, I still haven’t managed to turn a prophet.
And that’s it for another issue my friends. May you have a blessed week until we meet again.
Today is Saturday…a nice relaxing Saturday. I’ve already opened all my emails, downloaded pictures and memes, and helped a buddy. And it’s not even noon yet.
It’s a beautiful day!
And that’s going to last for …
3
2
1
…
…
Oh, okay, for a while then.
Anyway, let’s get going with the rest of the stuff. I’ve also already watched the Equalizer 3 and the first two episodes of The Brothers Sun. So…relaxing…
Although this doesn’t surprise me, in the grand scheme of things, this is not really a bad plan.
A business man packing for a trip glances in his briefcase.
“Honey?”
“Yes, darling?”
“Honey,” he says, in mild exasperation, “why do you persist in putting a condom in my briefcase every time I go on a trip? You know I only have eyes for you. I’d never be unfaithful.”
“Oh, I know, darling, and I trust you,” she replies sweetly, “It’s just that, well you know, with all those terrible diseases out there, it would make me feel better to know that if anything did happen, you’d be protected.
So please, darling, take it with you, won’t you? For my sake?”
“Oh, alright, if you put it that way,” he relented, “I’ll do it for you. But for Pete’s sake, give me more than one!”
I agree!
There was a businessman, and he was not feeling well, so he went to see the doctor about it.
The doctor says to him, “Well, it must be your diet. What sort of greens do you eat?”
The man replies, “Well, actually, I only eat peas, I hate all other green foods.”
The doctor was quite shocked at this and says, “Well man, that’s your problem, all those peas will be clogging up your system, you’ll have to give them up!!”
The guy says, “But for how long? I mean I really like peas!”
The doctor replies, “Forever, I’m afraid.”
The man is quite shocked by this, but he gives it a go and sure enough, his condition improves, so he realizes that he will never eat a pea again.
Anyway, one night, years later, he’s at a convention for his employer and getting quite sloshed, and one of the reps says, “Well, ashully, I’d love a cigarette, coz I avint ad a smoke in four years, I gave it up.”
Quite a shocker really, and the barman goes, “Really, I haven’t had a game of golf in 3 years, because it cost me my first marriage, so I gave it up!”
The businessman says, “Thas nuvving, I haven’t ad a pea in 6 years.”
The barman jumps up screaming, “Okay, everyone who can’t swim, grab a table…”
Sheldon, a butcher just out of trade school in Canada applies for and gets a job, skinning and cutting up the kills of local hunters.
The first project he gets is to cut up a moose to put in the freezer.
Sheldon finally gets the moose cut up and is putting it into bags and marking them carefully with the contents: chops, rump steak, ribs, sirloin, etc, etc.
When he finishes with the stuff he knows, he is still left with a pile of unidentifiable moose parts.
At a loss as to what to do with them, he finally puts them all into one large bag and labels them……….”Moosellaneous”
Popping through the veil to make an impression!
That is so sad.
Every man needs a wife because there are a number of things that go wrong that one cannot blame on the government.
Louisiana Law
Biting someone with your natural teeth is “simple assault,” while biting someone with your false teeth is “aggravated assault.”
And water, don’t forget the water.
KIDS’ KITCHEN TERMS
BOIL: The point a parent reaches upon hearing the automatic “Yuck” before a food is even tasted.
CASSEROLE: Combination of favorite foods that go uneaten because they are mixed together.
DESSERT: The reason for eating a meal.
EVAPORATE: Magic trick performed by children when it comes time to clear the table or wash dishes.
FRUIT: A natural sweet not to be confused with dessert
REFRIGERATOR: A very expensive and inefficient room air conditioner when not being used as an art gallery.
SODA POP: Shake ‘N Spray.
TABLE LEG: Percussion instrument.
So very, very true.
This is a tremendous bit of Orange…or…um…art work!
A young man came home from the office and found his bride sobbing convulsively. “I feel terrible,” she told him. “I was pressing your suit and I burned a big hole in the seat of your trousers.”
“Forget it,” consoled her husband. “Remember that I’ve got an extra pair of pants for that suit.”
“Yes, and it’s lucky you have,” said the woman, drying her eyes. “I used them to patch the hole.”
I LOVE the eyes on the cow!
Rules:
1. If you have to ask, you are not entitled to know.
2. If you don’t like the answer, you should not have asked the question.
3. When all else fails, read the instructions.
4. When in a. doubt – mumble b. trouble – delegate c. charge – ponder
5. When the weight of the paperwork, equals the weight of the equipment, the equipment will work
6. After adding two weeks for unexpected delays, add two more for the unexpected unexpected delays
7. It does not matter if you fall down, as long as you pick up something from the floor when you get up
8. You are not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on
9. There is never time to do it right, but always time to do it twice
10. It works better if you plug it in
11. Only Robinson Crusoe had every thing done by Friday
12. Never admit anything. Never regret anything. Whatever it is, you are not responsible
I picture the conversation going like this:
Supervisor: Go put soap in the soap dispenser.
Worker: But we’re out of …
Supervisor: Don’t give me excuses, just get it done!
Worker: Okay, boss. [mumbles under his breath] jackass…
And this one probably went along the same lines…”but we’re out of all the tags except…”
An American was knocked unconscious in a serious accident while traveling in Australia.
The ambulance took him to a local hospital for treatment.
While he finally woke up he asked the nurse, “Was I brought here to die?”
“No,” said the nurse. “You were brought in here yesterday.”
Oh please! Don’t give the “Flat Earthers” more ammunition!
Yeah, I looked. I couldn’t find it. I did all kinds of deep dives on it. Even called some friends I have. Hang on, someone’s at the door.
…
Funny, I didn’t order anything from Ama-Zone…what the heck is Ama-Zone? And besides, the mail has already been deliv
What? You don’t think I’m bright enough to put two and two together and leave out the escape tunnel as SOON as there was someone at the door?
Anyway, where were we? Oh yeah…
A bit over done, but it is funny
The Americans and the Japanese decided to engage in a competitive boat race. Both teams practiced hard and long to reach their peak performance.
On the big day they felt ready. The Japanese won by a mile. Afterward, the American team was discouraged by the loss. Morale sagged. Corporate management decided that the reason for the crushing defeat had to be found so a consulting firm was hired to investigate the problem and recommended corrective action.
The consultant’s finding: The Japanese team had eight people rowing and one person steering; the American team had one person rowing and eight people steering.
After a year of study and millions spent analyzing the problem,the consultant firm concluded that too many people were steering and not enough were rowing on the American team.
So as race day neared again the following year, the American team’s management structure was completely reorganized. The new structure: four steering managers, three area steering managers and a new performance review system for the person rowing the boat to provide work incentive.
The next year, the Japanese won by two miles. Humiliated, the American corporation laid off the rower for poor performance and gave the managers a bonus for discovering the problem.”
Um….? No, never mind.
Yeah, probably from someone’s point of view.
I wish I could use Google to search for things in my house.
You know, I’m a HUGE FAN of Vanilla, Fruit Punch, and Blue Razzberry, Vodka comes to mind…
But not hot dogs!!!
Never be a prisoner of your own past.
It was just a lesson, not a life sentence.
That would be an excellent total for most any woman.
I’ve seen this or similar pictures like this one before and I’m always stunned when I do. The human race is doomed.
With today being President’s Day, and you’ll notice that I left that out, up till now, let’s start with that theme here…
I was eating breakfast with my 10-year-old granddaughter and I asked her, “Do you know what today is?”
Without skipping a beat she said, “It’s President’s Day!”
She’s so smart, so I asked her, “What does President’s Day mean?”
She replied, “President’s Day is when the President steps out of the White House, and if he sees his shadow, we have another year of Bull crap.”
You know, it really hurts when steaming hot coffee spurts straight out of your nose.
If I know someone with dementia that has nuclear weapons, should I report him under the Red Flag Law?
With war breaking out in the Middle East, it’s good to know we have a full strategic oil reserve in case fuel becomes an issue…oh wait…My mistake, Biden drained it so he could (artificially) lower gas prices for the midterms. Carry on.
John Rich
Okay, let’s switch themes
And now we have people who have SO MUCH more to be grateful to this country for, who won’t even stand!
AND THEN YOU’VE GOT THIS TRAITOROUS WITCH!
Okay, let’s move on before I really get upset! And I’m trying so hard not to. One more just because it’s for us older folks and because it’s SO FUNNY!
I gotta go with the Captain on this one!
Yeah, that’s just really poor sign placement.
Everybody’s talking about hijacking a UFO, but they can’t even drive a stick-shift!
Okay, I have overdrawn my account before, but this…this is pure artform!
Wow! Just….Wow!
I just flew in from a Ravioli convention…
-Boyardees arms tired.
The best I could do was 210 sq ft of light brown. I was only able to get 75 feet of medium and 87 1/4 feet of the dark. Even together it doesn’t come up to the 200 they were looking for.
Has anyone else turned on the wrong burner and cooked absolutely nothing for 20 minutes?
Not only that, but when I was done cooking, I’ve shut off the wrong burner and come back an hour later and found one lone burner running all by it’s lonesome heating up the kitchen…or just failed to shut it off completely. Carried the pot over to the sink or something and just … forgot about the burner.
I just saw some idiot at the gym put a water bottle in the Pringles holder on the treadmill!! Seriously? Know your workout equipment!
I won $2.00 in the Mega Millions lottery. Please respect our privacy as our family decides how to move forward in this exciting and pivotal moment in time.
Is there a word that uses all the vowels including Y?
UNQUESTIONABLY.
Why, yes, I could start my day without coffee. But, I like being able to remember things like how to use words and put on pants.
Humble enough to know I’m replaceable. Cocky enough to know it’s going to be a downgrade.
I overheard a lady saying she won’t let her kid watch Peppa Pig because it encourages bad behavior like “jumping in puddles”. I watched Road Runner as a kid and haven’t blown anyone up with dynamite – yet.
And with that idea planted firmly in everybody’s head, that’s where we’re going to call it quits for this exciting episode of Dragon Laffs. Thanks for being here with me. May God Bless you all until we meet again.
Dragon Laffs 