So many horrible things going on.  The things I’ve heard today have made me so sad and so angry.  

#1 Joe Biden announces Easter Sunday as “Transgender Day of Visibility.” He chastises Republican states for their lack of inclusivity while so obviously being exclusively against Christians.

#2 Liberal Churches celebrate “Drag Me To Church” by having drag queens speaking at church on Easter.  That goes right along with what I was saying several issues ago about there being no such thing as a Progressive Christian Church.  You can’t be a Christian Church if you don’t follow the teachings of the Bible.

#3 California, and from what I understand, other states as well, are proposing laws, that are communist.  I know, huge surprise, right?  The water, under your land, in your private well, does not belong to you and you have to pay the state to use it.  Now think about that for a minute.  How is that going to affect all the farmers, ranchers and if established as a precedent, all the rest of us.  When you buy a piece of property, you own everything “from your property up to heaven above and hell below” is the way it used to read.  Since the invention of the airplane, they’ve had to modify that one and there is now an altitude limit.  But your property extends down below in a straight line until it ends at a pinpoint at the center of the earth.  Unless you SPECIFICALLY didn’t get the mineral rights when you bought your property, then you own it all.  They are not supposed to just be able to come in and take it from you.  That’s stealing.  Just because the government does it, doesn’t make it legal.  If we let them get away with it, then that’s OUR fault.

These are just a few of the things that ran across my point of view today.  Along with the normal craziness that I deal with on a daily basis.  It just all hit me really hard today.  And by hit me hard, I mean to say it

So, before it gets completely and totally out of hand, let’s do some laughing before I do something that you guys are going to have to raise bail money for.  

The Face of the Statue of Liberty

How did the widow of the creator of the Singer sewing machines give her face to the Statue of Liberty?

Isabella Boyer’s life is like a thrilling novel. She was born in Paris, in a family of an African pastry chef father and an English mother. Her name was Isabella, a beautiful name that should have been the basis of a beautiful destiny. It quickly became clear that nature gave Isabella a special beauty.

At 20, she marries sewing machine maker Isaac Singer, 50, and after his death becomes the richest woman in the country. And no wonder she was chosen as the model for the Statue of Liberty, because she embodies the American dream come true. After becoming a widow, Isabella began traveling the world, seeking new knowledge and exciting challenges, far too young to be buried under mourning clothes.

She remarried Dutch violinist Victor Robstett, who is a world celebrity and an earl, so Isabella also becomes a countess. Soon Isabella becomes the star of showrooms in America and Europe, and is invited to all world events. At one of them, she met the famous French sculptor Frederick Bartoldi. 

At the time, Bartoldi was strongly impressed by his trip to the United States, by the size of the country, by its natural resources, by the population there, and had already accepted the proposal to create a statue symbolizing the independence of the United States. The sculpture was supposed to be a gift from France in honor of the 100th anniversary of the country’s independence. 

Thus the idea of a giant statue depicting a woman holding a torch in one hand and plates in the other was born, with the date of adoption of the Declaration of Independence of the United States.

Bartoldi was so impressed by Isabella’s face that he decided to use it as a model for his sculpture. Therefore, on Bedlow Island in the Gulf of New York, the Statue of Liberty was erected with the figure of an ancient goddess, but with the face of Isabella Boyer.

Isabella marries for the third time, at the age of 50, to Paul Sohege, a famous collector of art.

She died in Paris in 1904 at age 62. She is buried in Passy Cemetery.

But the statue with this face continues to rise over Bedlow Island, symbolizing America’s first pride, freedom.

This next one, from brother Joe, may only be meaningful to those of us from New Jersey…

Trenton, NJ resolution: Doubtful any adult resident of NJ has missed the controversy about offshore wind farms. The state Legislators have been working tirelessly to come up with a method to appease all those opposed to the big offshore fans.

Starting immediately, all construction will come to a halt. The structures in place will remain and become popular fishing areas. All fishermen will be advised to slow their boats down within 5 miles of the cement bases due to the highly anticipated fishing boat congestion.

A number of local business men have expressed interest in establishing food trucks on the structures to service the expected onslaught of visitors.

Because of the growing need for electricity, and the abundant wind emanating from Trenton, a replacement plan has been offered. Since NJ has miles of shoreline, both at the ocean’s edge and close by, the wind fans will be erected 200ft apart the entire length of the state. An added benefit will be eliminating the need for extremely expensive power cables.

This will also alleviate the common complaint that ‘It’s too hot on the beach’. The speed of the wind turbines will be increased to provide a refreshing breeze.

Since the offshore wind farms have already been approved, no additional resident input will be needed or accepted. The new construction is expected to begin in June of this year and be completed by Veteran’s Day, 2029.

When you light the third joint in the same hour…

That is the absolute truth.

Several women appeared in court, each accusing the others of causing the trouble they were having in the apartment building where they lived.

The women were arguing noisily, even in the courtroom. 

The judge, banging his gavel to quiet them, said, “We are going to do this in an orderly manner. I can’t listen to all of you at once. I’ll hear the oldest first.” 

The case was dismissed for lack of testimony. 

 For all of you with teenagers or who have had teenagers, or are a teenager, you may want to know why they really have a lot in common with cats: 

Neither teenagers nor cats turn their heads when you call them by name.

No matter what you do for them, it is not enough. 

Indeed, all humane efforts are barely adequate to compensate for the privilege of waiting on them hand and foot. 

You rarely see a cat walking outside of the house with an adult human being, and it can be safely said that no teenager in his or her right mind wants to be seen in public with his or her parents. 

Even if you tell jokes as well as Jasper Carrot, neither your cat nor your teen will ever crack a smile. 

No cat or teenager shares you taste in music. 

Cats and teenagers can lie on the living-room sofa for hours on end without moving, barely breathing. 

Cats have nine lives. Teenagers carry on as if they did. 

Cats and teenagers yawn in exactly the same manner, communicating that ultimate human ecstasy — a sense of complete and utter boredom.

Cats and teenagers do not improve anyone’s furniture. 

Cats that are free to roam outside sometimes have been known to return in the middle of the night to deposit a dead animal in your bedroom.

Teenagers are not above that sort of behavior. 

Thus, if you must raise teenagers, the best sources of advice are not other parents, but veterinarians. It is also a good idea to keep a guidebook on cats at hand at all times. 

And remember, above all else, put out the food and do not make any sudden moves in their direction. 

When they make up their minds, they will finally come to you for some affection and comfort, and it will be a triumphant moment for all concerned. 

I have a message for you.

This one is TRULY …

And it’s called:  A 5 Minute Management Course in 6 Lessons

Lesson 1:

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.

When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.  Before she says a word, Bob says, ‘I’ll give you $800 to drop that towel..’

 After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.

The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.

When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, ‘Who was that?’

‘It was Bob the next door neighbor,’ she replies.

‘Great,’ the husband says, ‘did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?’

Moral of the story:

 If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

Lesson 2:

A priest offered a Nun a lift.

She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.

The priest nearly had an accident.  After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg..

The nun said, ‘Father, remember Psalm 129?’

The priest removed his hand But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, ‘Father, remember Psalm 129?’

The priest apologized ‘Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.’

Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.

On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, ‘Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.’

Moral of the story:

If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

Lesson 3:

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out.  The Genie says, ‘I’ll give each of you just one wish.’

‘Me first! Me first!’ says the admin clerk. ‘I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.’ 

Puff! She’s gone.

‘Me next! Me next!’ says the sales rep. ‘I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.’

Puff! He’s gone.

‘OK, you’re up,’ the Genie says to the manager. 

The manager says, ‘I want those two back in the office after lunch.’

Moral of the story:

Always let your boss have the first say.

Lesson 4:

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.

A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, ‘Can I also sit like you and do nothing?’ 

The eagle answered: ‘Sure, why not.’

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story:

To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Lesson 5:

A turkey was chatting with a bull.

‘I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree’ sighed the turkey, ‘but I haven’t got the energy.’ ‘Well, why don’t you nibble on some of my droppings?’ replied the bull. They’re packed with nutrients.’

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.

The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.

Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.

He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Moral of the story:

Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there..

Lesson 6:

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.

While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.

As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out!  He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. 

A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate..

Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Morals of the story:

(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.

(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend..

(3) And when you’re in deep shit, it’s best to keep your mouth shut!

THUS ENDS THE FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE.

At an art gallery, a woman and her 10 year old son were having a tough time choosing between two paintings. They finally chose and went with the autumn themed one.

“I see you prefer an autumn scene as opposed to a floral one,” said the gallery owner, who happened to be nearby and witnessed the mother-son interaction.

“No,” said the boy. “This painting is wider, so it’ll cover the three holes I put in the wall.”

Don’t bother just to be better than your contemporaries or predecessors. Try to be better than yourself.

William Faulkner (1897 – 1962)

Yeah, it usually works for me

Kentucky,Lexington Law

It is illegal to transport an ice cream cone in your pocket

Little Johnny and his classmates had just finished a tour of the local fire station.

Before each student could leave, the fire chief quizzed him.

The fire chief asked little Little Johnny, “What do you do if your clothes catch on fire?”

Little Johnny replied promptly, “I don’t put them on.”

Makes my eyes bleed

One morning as Professor Jones was leaving for the university his wife told her absent-minded husband, “Don’t forget we are moving today. If you come to this house this afternoon it will be empty.”

Predictably he didn’t remember until he found the house vacated that afternoon. He mumbled to himself, “And where was it we were moving to?”

He went out in front of the house and asked a little girl, “Did you see a moving van here today, little girl?”

“Yes,” she replied.

“Would you know which way it went?”

She looked up at him and said, “Yes, Daddy, I’ll show you.”

Imagine if a small handful of ridiculously wealthy, powerful psychopaths could make you believe anything they wanted by simply controlling what they put on the TV.

They say St. Patrick drove the snakes out of Ireland.
I wonder if he could do that in Washington!

Facebook is a perfect example of socialism.  You get it for free; You have no say in how it works; The guy who runs it is rich; You have no privacy; AND if you say one thing they don’t like, they shut you up!

And I heard an interview today of a lady where the FBI came to question her about some of the opinions she posted on Facebook.  Christian opinions…about abortion being murder, transgenderism, you know, stuff like that.  Thankfully, she asked all the right questions, i.e. “Am I being charged with something?  Am I being arrested?  Am I being detained?  Just so I understand correctly, you want to question me about me expressing my First Amendment Rights on Facebook?”  She made it all the right statements, i.e. “No, I do not wish to speak to you about expressing my First Amendment Rights on Facebook.  You can always speak to my lawyer about your questions.”  And she did another right thing.  She recorded the whole thing.

This is  a real conversation that I (a female) had with a male telemarketer, I just thought it was amusing and decided I’d share:

Me: hello
Telemarketer: hello?
Me: hello
Telemarketer: Hi, I’m calling from MCI. How are you doin today?
Me: I’m good
Telemarketer: That’s good! I’m calling about your local plan. You have verizon right now right?
Me: I don’t know
Telemarketer: Well on your phone…
Me: (interrupts) oh! well, I don’t have a phone
Telemarketer: You don’t own a phone? Well do you know when the people that do will be back?
Me: yeah, they don’t own a phone either
Telemarketer: is this an apartment? Do you know who owns the phone you’re on right now?
Me: woah, I’m on a phone?
Telemarketer: Are you playing games? (in an annoyed voice)
Me: Would you like to play a game?
Telemarketer: hmmmm….sure, what game should we play? (sounding excited now)
Me: What do you want to play?
Telemarketer: I don’t know, do you have any?
Me: oh yeah, I know a good one
Telemarketer: What’s that? (sounding really excited now)
Me: It’s called hang up on the telemarketer ::click::

24 Things Women Want To Hear   (those women and their fantasies….)

1.   Gee Sweetheart, let’s skip dinner tonight.  The only thing I’m hungry for is you.

2.   Wow, I just don’t know what to do with this money we won in the lottery, so why don’t you take it to the mall and see if you can find something to buy with it.

3.   Hey, how about inviting your mother to spend the summer with us.

4.   Oh, go ahead and eat that third piece of chocolate cream pie. If it’s one thing I hate it’s skinny women.

5.   What luck, they had a special rental rate at the video store on romance movies.

6.   How about I give you a nice massage and foot rub. I really don’t like sex that much anyway.

7.   You know, that Pam Anderson just doesn’t seem to have the brain power that I find so attractive in a woman.

8.   What a break, I won a prize on the radio station…. tickets to either the super bowl or the opening of the New York Ballet. I got first choice so pack your bags for New York, we get to go to the ballet!!!

9.   Who wants to play golf when I can get to see how good the lawn looks when it’s freshly mowed.

10.   While you’re up Sweetheart, can you get me a glass of water. I think I’ve had enough beer.

11.   Shoot, there’s nothing on TV but football games. Let’s go furniture shopping.

12.   There ought to be a law against those porno movies. Can you believe that there are guys that would actually want their wives to do those things they show?

13.   Man I tell you, nothing feels better than getting all spruced up in a suit and tie.

14.   I’m getting a little tired of steak on the grill. How about a nice quiche?

15.   You know, I think I’d really prefer the four-door sedan to that impractical Corvette.

16.   Look at that… disgusting. Why would she wear a short skirt like that with no panties?

17.   Golly I think we’re lost. Let me find a gas station to ask for directions.

18.   My golf clubs are only 30 years old. Why don’t you use the money my parents gave us to get something nice for the house.

19.   If the guys call and want me to go to that new strip club with them, tell them I’m busy. I really want to get the living room painted tonight.

20.   You know Sweetheart, I’m really glad you don’t like doing all those dirty things they write about in those stupid sex advice columns.

21.   Sports cars are just such stupid little toys for men who have never really grown up.

22.   If you’re looking for me later, I’ll be over there looking at the home decorating magazines.

23.   You know, we really don’t visit your relatives enough.

24.   Why don’t you relax this weekend. I’ll take care of the cooking and housework.

Don’t ever take a fence down until you know why it was put up.

-Robert Lee Frost (1874-1963)

A professor was one day walking along a very narrow street when he came face to face with a rival.

The street was too narrow for two to pass.

The rival, pulling himself up to his full height, said haughtily “I never make way for fools!”

Smiling, the professor stepped aside and said, “I always do.”

A blonde bought two horses and could never remember which was which.

A neighbour suggested that she cut off the tail of one horse, which worked great until the other horse got his tail caught in a bush.

The second horse’s tail tore in the same place and looked exactly like the other horse’s tail.

Our blonde friend was stuck again.

The neighbour then suggested that she notch the ear of one horse, which worked fine until the other horse caught his ear on a barbed wire fence.

Once again, our blonde friend couldn’t tell the two horses apart.

The neighbour then suggested that she measure the horses for height. When she did that, the blonde was very pleased to find that the white horse was 2 inches taller than the black one.

Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first. 

~Mark Twain (1835-1910)

That’s it.  I hope you enjoyed today’s offering.  See you on Saturday.

So, it’s Monday.  And that weekend went quick.  

But it was a nice Easter.  Lovely church service Friday night and Sunday.  I got to spend the weekend working on this issue with you guys that I hope you find extra entertaining, so what do you say we get right into it, shall we?

This one is from Leah and it’s VERY good.

This is from Lynn and it is an absolutely marvelous piece of artwork.  

It’s amazing to me that people like this have such an awesome talent.  My dad, Papa Dragon Most Senior, who is also an amazing artist, when asked, “How do you take a block a wood and make it look like a horse?”  His response?  “You just take away everything that doesn’t look like a horse.”

I don’t get that.  To me, none of it looks like a horse and it never, ever, EVER will.  But, to show you what I mean about Papa Dragon being an artist.  Here’s an owl that he carved for my brother, the Owl…

As the story goes, when dad moved down to Florida, he would entered the national carving competitions and would win every time.  The other carvers would find out that he entered and no one else would enter.  So, the people who ran the competitions would end up hiring dad to be one of the judges so he wouldn’t be allowed to compete.  

Played sax, clarinet and flute professionally.  (and worked for as a lineman climbing telephone poles for a living as his “day-job”.  Go figure.)  All that talent and it was spread out fairly evenly amongst his sons…except…I got none of it!  LOL!  I got talents that no one else in the family has, so it’s all good.

For how many of you do these bring back memories?

Dear Granddaughter,

The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a ‘Honk if you love Jesus’ bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting. So, I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper. Boy, am I glad I did; what an uplifting experience that followed. I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good he is, and I didn’t notice that the light had changed. It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn’t honked, I’d never have noticed. I found that a lot of people love Jesus! While I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, ‘For the love of God!’ ‘Go! Go! Go! Jesus Christ, GO!’ What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus! Everyone started honking! I just leaned out my window and started waving and smiling at all those loving people. I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love! There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a sunny beach. I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air. I asked my young teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant. He said it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something. Well, I have never met anyone from Hawaii, so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign right back. My grandson burst out laughing. Why even he was enjoying this religious experience!! A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me. I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed. So, grinning, I waved at all my brothers and sisters, and drove on through the intersection. I noticed that I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we had shared. So I slowed the car down, leaned out the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away. Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!

Love, Grandma

They’ve lost more helicopters this way.

So, today is the day AFTER Easter, but this is the perfect cartoon, that I just this very second received from Stephanie.  In fact, let’s throw a couple of special Easter things together, right here, right now.

Nicely written, Mr. Hart

Well, not really Easter, but…

Okay, back to the other stuff

No kidding

Okay, I just read an opinion piece about people getting upset because a soccer team had a credit union whose name is America First Credit Union as a sponsor.  The fans were upset and this writer of this piece was in agreement, that it was horrible that they used this credit union as a sponsor seeing as how the term “America First” is rooted in “racism, fascism, and hateful ideology.”

WHAT!!!???!!!???

The term America First, means we take care of Americans before we take care of people who aren’t Americans.  Why are we sending money to other countries for ANY purpose when we have homeless people on our streets?  When we have homeless VETERANS on our streets?  There is absolutely nothing racist, fascist, or hateful about any of that.  I have never heard anything so candy-assed stupid in my entire life!  Let me tell you something right now.  If you don’t have the desire and the understanding to put your country ahead of every other country out there – 

THEN MOVE!!!!!!!

What are you doing here then to begin with?  Just like if you were Swedish, I would expect you to say and believe with all your heart, Sweden First.

A true artist can find music in anything.

And how many of you remember THAT?

“Yeah, see…we had these reports…that you’ve been giving the kids in the neighborhood a hard time.  And passing out candy that isn’t really candy.  And, well, we’re going to have to ask you to move somewhere else.  This is OUR neighborhood!  See, that’s another thing that we mean by, ‘America First'”

Yeah, that’ll do it.

A Chinese national was apprehended in California after driving onto a Marine Corps base and refusing to leave upon confrontation, local authorities confirmed on Friday.

“Despite being prompted to exit at the Condor gate by installation security, the individual proceeded onto the installation without authorization. Military law enforcement were immediately notified and detained the individual,” a spokesperson for the US Marine Corps’ Training and Education Command said. (It is amazing to me that at that point he wasn’t shot.  There are signs on EVERY military installation that say: Use of Deadly Force is Authorized.)

According to reports from a local news channel, US Customs and Border Protection (CBP) verified the arrest, revealing that the individual was in the country illegally.  (Now there’s a huge surprise.  But then again, if the border is wide open, how can anyone be here illegally?)

USBP Chief Patrol Agent Gregory K. Bovino took to social media platform X to share a photo of the apprehended individual, emphasizing that the individual entered the base without permission and disregarded orders to leave.  (And by all rights, should have been shot.)

“His purpose and intent behind his actions are still being investigated,” Bovino wrote.

This incident surfaces amidst growing concerns over the presence of Chinese nationals around US military installations. The US military base in Guam, for example, is facing serious national security concerns after reports of an increasing number of Chinese nationals illegally entering the island. 

House Homeland Security Chairman Mark Green expressed concerns over this rising trend, stating, “We simply do not know for what purpose these individuals are coming.”  (Oh come on, Mark!  It doesn’t take a genius to figure this one out.  You’re the House Homeland Security Chairman.  You’re the SME [pronounced Smee] Subject Matter Expert on this stuff, surely YOU can figure this one out.  Why do you THINK these individuals are coming?  What possible purpose could military aged, mostly men, of Chinese descent be doing, sneaking into the United States and then hanging around and sneaking their way on to our military bases?  Um… Chinese restaurants?  NO!  You blind Turnip!  They are scoping out our bases and becoming behind-the-lines insurgents and terrorists for when the Chinese decide to attack!  “We simply do not know for what purpose…”  Are you really that stupid or do you think we are?)

Chinese migrants are currently the fastest growing group attempting to cross the southern border into the United States, with over 90% of encounters being single adults. Fox News reported over 22,000 such encounters since October 1, sparking worries among US officials about potential infiltration by individuals aligned with the interests of the Chinese Communist Party.  (Gee, ya think?  22,000 encounters since October.  That’s over 3,600 a month or more than 120 people a day, every day.  That’s enough to put almost 460 of them in every state in the continental United States.)

Yeah, we should be worried.  We should be very worried.

While I was preaching in a church in Mississippi, the pastor announced that their prison quartet would be singing the following evening. 
I wasn’t aware there was a prison in the vicinity and I looked forward to hearing them.
The next evening, I was puzzled when four members of the church approached the stage. Then the pastor introduced them.
“This is our prison quartet,” he said, “behind a few bars and always looking for the key.”

Oh come on!  That’s an easy one!

This one’s definitely an  

A Harley Biker
 
A Harley biker is riding by the zoo in Washington, DC when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion’s cage. Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the collar of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming parents.

The biker jumps off his Harley, runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch.

Whimpering from the pain the lion jumps back letting go of the girl, and the biker brings her to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly.

A reporter has watched the whole event.

The reporter addressing the Harley rider says, ‘Sir, this was the most gallant and brave thing I’ve seen a man do in my whole life.’

The Harley rider replies, ‘Why, it was nothing, really, the lion was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger and acted as I felt right.’

The reporter says, ‘Well, I’ll make sure this won’t go unnoticed. I’m a journalist, you know, and tomorrow’s paper will have this story on the front page… So, what do you do for a living and what political affiliation do you have?’

The biker replies, I’m a U.S. Marine and a Republican.  The journalist leaves.

The following morning the biker buys the paper to see if it indeed brings news of his actions, and reads, on the front page:

U.S. MARINE ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT AND STEALS HIS LUNCH.
 
…and THAT, my friends, pretty well sums up the media’s approach to the news these days…….

While I was preaching in a church in Mississippi, the pastor announced that their prison quartet would be singing the following evening. 
I wasn’t aware there was a prison in the vicinity and I looked forward to hearing them.
The next evening, I was puzzled when four members of the church approached the stage. Then the pastor introduced them.
“This is our prison quartet,” he said, “behind a few bars and always looking for the key.”

Okay, now this one is a little tougher…how many of you got this one?  Okay, I’ll tell you after a couple of memes…

Thanks to Joe for this next one…I knew there was a reason that I didn’t like Ford.

Oh…on the case…it’s a portable sewing machine.  Yeah, my mom, my mom-in-law, and my dear wife had one.

It depends on what party you belong to.

I never realized that WOKE was an acronym.
Willfully Overlooking Known Evil

So, why is our country trying to force them to stop defending themselves?

And probably not all the change you had coming to you.

And I’m going to call it defending my family.

I’ve been having an excellent conversation with one of our readers that started out with him saying that he could tell I was pro Trump because I only had anti-Biden cartoons.  I expressed my opinion that I wasn’t so much pro Trump but that because Trump and Biden were the only two viable candidates that Trump was the lesser of two evils.  I think that Biden is an evil, despicable, controlled piece of trash.  He is no more running this country than I am.  I think Trump is the better of the two candidates and since we are only allowed to pick between the two, Trump is at least moving us away from total destruction.

We both agreed that it is a complete and total shame and a failure of our republic that of all the wonderful men and women in this once great nation, that THESE TWO are the two we HAVE TO choose from.

And that is our fault.

I don’t know what to do about it.  I’m certainly not that smart.  But I do know that all of THEM work for all of US and we forgot that a long time ago. 

This guy is the exact problem!  This is why the border needs to be closed.  This is why America First needs to mean something.  Thanks to Lynn for sending this to me.

Leonel Moreno, ‘migrant influencer’ encouraging others to invade US and squat at homes, is now on the run from authorities

On social media, he frequently boasts of his earnings from begging for cash, claiming he makes roughly $1,000 a day.

“I don’t like to work,” he tells followers. “Boys, in the US there are a million tricks, a million things to do,” he says as he outlines how to live effectively for free in a new country.

“I’ve concluded that the American Dream is real,” he said in a separate post, adding that he has lived for more than a year in the US and never had to work. “This is food of the best quality that they just give you.”

Moreno claims he traversed 12 countries to reach the US and tried to seek asylum in Canada last year alongside his wife, but ultimately came to America because he didn’t get free handouts up north.

TikTok migrant influencer Leonel Moreno talking about how much he was able to beg in three hours.

The Venezuelan migrant also instructs followers on how to carry out scams, such as claiming abandoned vehicles to sell for scrap and giving tips on how to return clothes that have been worn.

He also told his followers to pretend they’re injured by making a leg cast with plastic and Velcro.

“Work is for slaves, boys. Remember that work is for slaves. Where have you seen a millionaire work? Don’t humiliate yourself … You have to be creative to ask for money,” he said.

What an ass.

This is a great story sent in from Joe.  In Joe’s words: This is a long buried story about one of the greatest men from WWII.  Interesting if you have any interest in our military history.

Have you heard of the new book entitled “1001 Sex Secrets Men Should Know?”

It contains comments from 1001 different women on how men can be better in bed.

I think that women would actually settle for three:
Slow down,
Turn off the TV, and
Call out the right name.

Two physicians boarded a flight out of Seattle. One sat in the window seat, the other sat in the middle seat. Just before takeoff, an attorney got on and took the aisle seat next to the two physicians.

The attorney kicked off his shoes, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the physician in the window seat said,” I think I’ll get up and get a coke.”

“No problem,” said the attorney, “I’ll get it for you.”

While he was gone, one of the physicians picked up the attorney’s shoe and spat in it.

When he returned with the coke, the other physician said, “That looks good, I think I’ll have one too.”

Again, the attorney obligingly went to fetch it and while he was gone, the other physician picked up the other shoe and spat in it.

he attorney returned and they all sat back and enjoyed the flight. As the plane was landing, the attorney slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened.

“How long must this go on?” he asked. “This fighting between our professions? This hatred? This animosity? This spitting in shoes and pissing in cokes?”

Oh!  That’s a good one.  Anybody got that one?  I’ll let you know.

Can opener…sardine cans and other specific cans.  You tear that little guy off the bottom of the can, use it to put a little piece of metal tab in the slot of the opener and then twist it around the can and you peel a strip away and open the can.

The preacher, in his Sunday sermon, used “Forgive Your Enemies” as his subject.

After a long sermon, he asked how many were willing to forgive their enemies.

About half held up their hands.

Not satisfied he harangued for another twenty minutes and repeated his question.

This time he received a response of about 80 percent.

Still unsatisfied, he lectured for another 15 minutes and repeated his question.

With all thoughts now on Sunday dinner, all responded except one elderly  lady in the rear.

“Mrs. Jones, are you not willing to forgive your enemies?”

“I don’t have any.”

“Mrs. Jones, that is very unusual. How old are you?”

“Ninety three.”

“Mrs. Jones, please come down in front and tell the congregation how a person can live to be ninety-three, and not have an enemy in the world.”

The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, very slowly turned around and said: “It’s easy, I just outlived the bitches.”

With some misgivings, we left a young baby-sitter in charge of our three energetic youngsters.

When we returned a few, hours later, she was sitting alone watching TV.

I went to check on the children, and found them in our narrow hallway. By bracing their arms and legs against the walls, two of them had climbed up to the ceiling.

“The baby-sitter taught us how,” they said gleefully.

The sitter joined me, her face a deep red. “Since they had me climbing the walls, I figured they might as well be too,” she stammered.

We kept the same girl for the next two years.

I wonder if he got the raise…

Here’s one of the toys they’re trying to get my guys to play with…

The professor was a fine lecturer, but he enjoyed throwing in an occasional off-colour joke to entertain the students.

The boys got a kick out of it, but the girls in the class were often embarrassed. Finally, the girls got together and went to the Dean to complain.

The Dean was very sympathetic, but he explained that there was nothing he could do.

The professor had been there for years and he couldn’t be dismissed – but the Dean promised to talk to him, though he didn’t really think it would do much good.

Meanwhile, about all he could suggest was that the next time the professor started to tell an off-colour joke, the girls should just walk out of the classroom.

A couple of weeks went by, during which there were no embarrassing jokes – but, finally, one day the professor started in, “According to the latest reports, the U.S. Government has chartered a ship and they’re going to collect all the prostitutes and ship them to Russia.”

The girls looked at each other, and as one, they rose and started to leave the room.

The professor continued, “Oh, there’s no hurry, girls. The ship doesn’t leave until next month.”

A TEENAGER IS…

– A person who can’t remember to walk the dog but never forgets a phone number.

– A weight watcher who goes on a diet by giving up candy bars before breakfast.

– A youngster who receives her allowance on Monday, spends it on Tuesday, and borrows it from her best friend on Wednesday.

– Someone who can hear his favorite singer 3 blocks away but not his mother calling from the next room.

– A whiz who can operate the latest computer without a lesson but can’t make a bed.

– A student who spends 12 minutes studying history and 12 hours studying for her driver’s license.

– A connoisseur of 2 kinds of fine music–loud and very loud.

– An enthusiast who has the energy to bike for miles but is usually too tired to dry the dishes.

– A young woman who loves the cat and tolerates the brother.

– A romantic who never falls in love more than once a week.

– A budding beauty who never smiles until her braces come off.

– A boy who can sleep till noon on any Saturday he suspects the lawn needs mowing.

– An original thinker who is positive that her mother was never a teenager.

Professor Jackson was known for being an easy grader.  The grades he gave for a survey course (i. e. the type where you are expected to learn generalities and not specifics) were based entirely on two exams, and the stuff on the exams was entirely covered in the textbook.  So showing up for class wasn’t a big deal. 

However, this started to get out of hand.  As word of the course spread, at each semester, there was a larger block of students who would show up infrequently or not at all, except for the exam days. 

Finally, it got so bad that about half of the students one term never showed before the midterm!  

On the day of the midterm, everyone came in and a graduate assistant handed out exams, “Prof. Jackson is sick, so he asked me to give you your exams.” 

There was only one question in the exam booklets: “Which one of the ten pictures below is of Professor Jackson?” 

Obviously, the students who never showed up didn’t know and had to guess. Many failed, while the students who had been showing up regularly got A’s!! 

And that is it my dear friends.  I hope you found it as much fun as I did.  Until we meet again, May God Bless you all with Love, Happiness, and Comfort.

Today is Good Friday and although it SHOULD be a holiday, it’s not. But I have ministerial responsibilities whether it’s a holiday and a day off or a work day. And as is usually the case when I get covered up, my camper family gets left out.

Such a sad state of affairs.

But I’m on my way over to church for a special Good Friday service.

What a misnomer that is…Good Friday. The day that our Lord Jesus was put on trial. Pilate found no evidence of a crime. Offered to set Him free and His own people insisted on his death.

Pilate even offered to kill a real murderer in His place and the crowd insisted they let the killer go free!

Pilate then gave Him 40 lashes and still they weren’t satisfied. The skin and muscles were pealed back to His bones!

They gave Him a crown of thorns, made Him carry His own cross, spit on Him, nailed Him to the cross, gave Him vinegar to drink, stabbed Him in the side, so many other horrible things!

And then, the worst yet. His own Father, Our God, abandoned Him. Took His presence from Him. For three hours, the sun went dark, and Jesus hung alone on that cross and suffered for all the sins of all the world – that ever HAD been committed and that ever WOULD be committed.

He then exclaimed, “It is finished.” and He died.

Good Friday?

No, I don’t think so. I think, because of the horror that Jesus suffered for me and for all of you…

I think it’s an amazing Friday.

See you on Monday my dear, dear family.

I am so emotional this week.  Two days ago was Mary’s birthday, which coincided with Palm Sunday, the first day of Holy Week and celebrated Jesus’ triumphant entrance into Jerusalem. 

Today is Maundy Thursday.  The fifth day of Holy Week. So many things happened today.  Also known as Holy Thursday, today is the day of the Last Supper where Jesus celebrated His final Passover with His Disciples, the washing of the Disciples feet, Christ’s prayer, agony and subsequent betrayal by Judas in the Garden of Gethsemane, and He gave His Disciples a new commandment.

I mentioned the other day how I feel that so many people, me included, feel that we are growing closer and closer to the Rapture.  And I truly, truly don’t want any of my friends and family to be left here to have to go through the seven years of the tribulation.  It sounds truly horrible.  I am so strongly moved to encourage everyone to get themselves saved.

Jesus said, “I am the way and the truth and the life.  No one comes to the Father except through me.”  (John 14:6) In other words, He is the only way to get to Heaven.  And later Paul said in Romans 10:9, “If you declare with your mouth, ‘Jesus is Lord,’ and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.”  But part of the belief, that FAITH, is repenting of your sins and accepting that the sacrifice of Jesus on the cross paid for your sins and that NOTHING you can do can make up for them. 

I know I didn’t say that very eloquently.  I’ve gotten 4 phone calls and made two trips since I started this paragraph.  So, let’s move on to this part and start the show.

Indiana Law

State government officials who engage in private duels can be dismissed from their post. 

Currently living in Indiana, this really doesn’t surprise me that it is still on the books.  And it wouldn’t surprise me at all that it has been charged against somebody in the last ten years or so.  I did some searching and couldn’t find out, but I did find some other interesting things…keep reading and I’ll fill you in as we go along.

Okay, how about ten crazy laws in Indiana?

1. Baths are not allowed from October to March.  That explains an awful lot of the smells around here.
2. You’ll be charged $3 per deck if caught playing cards.  Way too many people play Euchre around here for that to stick.  That has to go back to the hard-core Bible thumping days.  Or maybe the Amish?
3. Anyone working in the state government caught privately dueling will be immediately fired.  Yeah, we did that one already.  It does beg the question about public dueling being legal or not?
4. If you charge money for a puppet show, you will be fined $3.  They do like that $3 fine.  And apparently puppet shows are immoral.  So, if you charge enough to cover the fine, you should be alright.
5. Every male between the ages of 18-50 must work six days per year on Indiana public roads.  Every man I know should be in jail.  
6. Forging a check is punishable by a public flogging.  Now, that’s just a common sense law.  I think if more laws were punishable by a public flogging and it was actually carried out, in the town square, things would be a lot better off around here.
7. Moustaches are illegal if you tend to kiss others.  WHAT?  That’s just wrong!
8. If crossing the highway by foot at night, you can’t wear tail lights.  Which implies that headlights are okay… um … I have questions.
9. Sheets in hotels must measure 99 inches long by 81 inches wide…exactly.  Okay…why?
10. It’s illegal to catch a fish with your bare hands.  I really want to know the story behind why this law was written.

Stay tuned for more Indiana fun coming up.

Yeah, that one should really go at the end but…nah!

Okay, how about this fun list?

What are 10 fun facts about Indiana that many people may not know about?

1. The name “Indiana” stands for Land of the Indians. However, less than 8,000 Native Americans live in Indiana today.

2. Approximately 90% of the world’s popcorn comes from Indiana. Indiana was also the birthplace of Orville Redenbacher.

3. Indianapolis, Indiana hosted Elvis Presley’s very last concert in Market Square Arena in 1977.

4. Indiana is one of thirteen states in the country with more than one time zone.

5. North America’s first theme park ever built was in Santa Claus, Indiana on August 3, 1946.

6. Indiana is home to the “World’s Largest Christmas Tree.” It’s located in Indianapolis and boasts 52 strands of garland and 4,784 lights.  I call foul on this one!  It’s not really a Christmas tree.  They string lights on the Indiana Soldiers and Sailors Monument on Monument Circle at the center of Indianapolis and just call it a tree.  It ain’t really a tree!  [BUZZ!!]  Thanks for playin’!  I’ll find a picture and show you.

7. The Lewis & Clark Expedition began in Clarksville, Indiana in October of 1803.

8. The North Pole doesn’t receive letters for Santa Claus. Instead, Santa Claus, Indiana does. Every letter also receives a reply.

9. Thanks to its 32 covered bridges, Parke County, Indiana is known as the “Covered Bridge Capital of the World.”

10. Indiana native Syvanus F. Bower was responsible for inventing the world’s first real gas pump.

Here’s the tree:

Impressive?  Absolutely!  A tree? Nah.

You think dogs and cats were the only thing affected by Chernobyl? 

Too true!

Two lawyers, Frank and Harry, meet for a drink. Frank says, “You know what happened? An angel was sent down to compile a list of the dishonest lawyers on earth.

Six months later he dragged himself back to Heaven, exhausted. ‘Believe me,’ he told God, ‘it’d be easier if I just made note of all of the honest lawyers on earth. In fact, I think I could do that in a weekend.’

God said, ‘Fine.’ Come Monday morning, the angel turned in his list and God said, ‘That’s terrific. Now I think you should send all the lawyers on this list a note of congratulations.'”

Frank pauses and sips his Scotch. Then he says, “There was a postscript to the angel’s note. You know what it was?”

Harry says, “No.”

“Aha! So you didn’t get one either!”

Hmm, I have that same condition!  Maybe we should form a support group.  We could meet … in the backyard and grill some steaks.

It must be true, some of you guys have been hanging around for a LONG time.  To the best of my figuring, it’s going to be 18 years this June…in one form or another.

In the north of England lived a man, poorly educated, who made a large fortune by selling his design for a bicycle chain.  With this money he set about realising his childhood ambition to become a country squire. He purchased a beautiful estate near the Scottish border, and proceeded, with the help of some excellent servants, to live in a manner none in his family had ever dreamed of.

Foremost of these servants was his butler, Jeeves, a well educated man who assisted his master in every way he could to better himself.  The master would often ask Jeeves for advice on how to handle a social situation, or to explain a new term.

One day when the master was reading he called Jeeves in and asked, “Jeeves, what is this fox pass?”

“Sir,” replied Jeeves, “that would be ‘faux pas’. I’ll give you an example.  Do you remember recently when Lord and Lady Plushbottom stayed for the weekend? And do you remember how on Sunday morning Lord Plushbottom pricked his finger on a rose?

“And do you further remember how later, at breakfast, Lady Plushbottom asked her husband ‘Is your prick still throbbing dear?’ and you said ‘Bloody Hell!’ and I dropped the marmalade?”

“That, Sir, was a faux pas.”

Not necessarily.  But it does tend to make things easier.

There was a really cute princess walking through the woods, and she heard a voice calling, “Hey Really Cute Princess!” 

She looked around and didn’t see anyone but a frog. She started to walk on but the frog called again. 

“Hey Really Cute Princess, if you take me home and let me sleep on your pillow, I will turn back into a Handsome Prince!” 

It had been a very boring day so she decided to give it a try even though she really didn’t believe the frog. 

The Really Cute Princess took the frog home with her and let him sleep on her pillow. 

When she got up the next day what do you think she found?

There on her pillow sat a really Handsome Prince. 

Do you believe the story? 

Well neither did her mother! 

Yeah, kind of saw that one coming…

“Sir, may I see your authority to enter?”  says the door guard at Dragon Laffs, Inc.

My son had just turned 15 when I finally decided to talk to him about sex.

To ensure private time, I brought him on a ski trip and began our talk on the chair lift so he couldn’t escape. “Do you know about girls and babies?” I asked. He nodded but cut me off.

The next ride up the ski lift, I brought it up again, only to have him look away in silence.

On the third lift, already knowing I had waited too long, I bluntly asked, “Son, would you like to talk about sex?”

“Damn, Dad,” he responded, “is that all you ever think about?”

Joe sent this one in.  I hope it was anecdotal and not a true story.

We recently had a meeting with our insurance agent. These were some of the questions:

Do you know the present value of your husband’s policy?” 

“What do you mean?” countered my wife. 

“If you should lose your husband, what would you get?” asked the salesman. 

She thought a minute, then brightened up and said, “Probably a poodle.” 

I agree wholeheartedly!

Although this married couple enjoyed their new fishing boat together, it was the husband who was behind the wheel operating the boat.

He was concerned about what might happen in an emergency. So one day out on the lake he said to his wife, “Please take the wheel, dear. Pretend that I am having a heart attack. You must get the boat safely to shore and dock it.”

So she drove the boat to shore and safely docked it.

Later that evening, the wife walked into the living room where her husband was watching television.

She sat down next to him, switched the TV channel, and said to him, “Please go into the kitchen, dear.

Pretend I’m having a heart attack and set the table, cook dinner and wash the dishes.”

Thank you God, for giving us your Son.

The printing of newspapers, magazines and books offer limitless possibilities for error, human and mechanical. When goofs do occur, editors scurry to print corrections, even though we often prefer the misprint to the corrected version.

Here just a few samples:

IMPORTANT NOTICE: If you are one of hundreds of parachuting enthusiasts who bought our Easy Sky Diving book, please make the following correction: on page 8, line 7, the words “state zip code” should have read “pull rip cord.”

It was incorrectly reported last Friday that today is T-shirt Appreciation Day. In fact, it is actually Teacher Appreciation Day.

From a California bar association’s newsletter: Correction — the following typo appeared in our last bulletin: “Lunch will be gin at 12:15 p.m.” Please correct to read “12 noon.”

There are two important corrections to the information in the update on our Deep Relaxation professional development program. First, the program will include meditation, not medication. Second, it is experiential, not experimental.

Our article about Jewish burial customs contained an error: Mourners’ clothing is rent, that is, torn — not rented.

In the City Beat section of Friday’s paper, firefighter Dwight Brady was misidentified. His nickname in the department is “Dewey.” Another firefighter is nicknamed “Weirdo.” We apologize for our mistake.

SELF-EVIDENT TRUTHS ABOUT PETS

A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself.

An aquarium is just interactive television for cats.

Cat’s motto: No matter what you’ve done wrong, always try to make it look like the dog did it.

Although cats are rather delicate creatures, and they are subject to a good many ailments, I never heard of one who suffered from insomnia.

Buy a dog a toy and it will play with it forever.

Buy a cat a present and it will play with the wrapper for 10 minutes.

Dogs and cats instinctively know the exact moment their owners will wake up. Then they wake them 10 minutes sooner.

Dog’s have owners.

Cat’s have staff.

Dogs believe they are human.

Cats believe they are God.

Dogs shed, cats shred.

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult?

If you think dogs can’t count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket then giving Fido only two of them.

No one appreciates the very special genius of your conversation as the dog does.

Things that upset a terrier may pass virtually unnoticed by a Great Dane.

Outside of a dog, a book is probably man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.

I hope to be the kind of person my dog thinks I am.

Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this.

Don’t accept your dog’s admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.

People that hate cats will come back as dogs in their next life.

We wonder why the dogs always drink out of our toilets, but look at it from their point of view:
Why do humans keep urinating into their water bowls?

Um…In that order?

Kansas Law 

The state game rule prohibits the use of mules to hunt ducks.

I have questions…

Okay, first question:  Who recognizes them?
Second question: Who are they?
See below for answers…

From top to bottom: Mr. Moose, Captain Kangaroo, and Mr. Green Jeans, from the Captain Kangaroo show. Running for 29 years on CBS from 1955 to 1984.  I had no idea it ran that long.  Bob Keeshan was born in 1927.  That means he was 28 years old when he started doing Captain Kangaroo and 57 when he quit.

If your college degree doesn’t produce enough value for you to pay it off, it certainly doesn’t have enough value for your neighbor to it off.

That is so beautiful

The Biggest Scam In Life:
Paying taxes on money you make,
Taxes on money you spend,
And taxes on things you own that you already paid taxes on with already taxed money.

Think about it.

This has got to be the most infuriating joke of all time!

A little boy is walking to school one day and hears some kids talking about the yellow flower. 

He decides he wants to find out what it is. 

He gets to school and says to his teacher, “I was on my way to school and I heard some kids talking about the yellow flower. What is it?” 

His teacher says, “I will not tolerate that kind of talk in my classroom! Go to the Principal’s office!” 

The little boy goes up to the Principal’s office, and the Principal asks him, “What are you doing up here, son?” 

The little boy replies, “I was on my way to school and I heard some kids talking about the yellow flower. I asked my teacher what it was and she sent me up here. What is it?” 

The Principal says, “I will not have that kind of talk in my school! You are expelled from this school and every other school in the state! Get out!” 

So the little boy goes home. His mother asks, “What are you doing home so early?” 

“I was on my way to school and I heard some kids talking about the yellow flower. I asked my teacher what it was, and she sent me to the Principal’s office, and the Principal expelled me from every school in the state. What is the yellow flower?” 

His mother says, “Go up to your room! You’re going to bed without dinner. I’ll send your father up to talk to you when he gets home.”

So the little boy goes up to his room, and about 5:00 his dad got home from work. He went up to the boy’s room and said, “Your mom tells me you’ve been a bad boy. What did you do?” 

“Well, I was on my way to school and I heard some kids talking about the yellow flower. I asked my teacher what it was, and she sent me to the principal’s office, the Principal expelled me from every school in the state, and mom sent me to bed without dinner. What’s the yellow flower?” His dad says, “Get out of my house son! I don’t ever want to see you again!” 

The little boy is walking down the street, and a few hours later and policeman stopped him. He asked him why he was walking by himself so late at night. 

The little boy says, “Well, I was on my way to school and I heard some kids talking about the yellow flower. 

I asked my teacher what it was, and she sent me to the Principal’s office, the Principal expelled me from every school in the state, mom sent me to bed without dinner, and dad kicked me out of the house. 

Can you tell me what the yellow flower is?” 

The policeman says, “That’s enough of that! You’re going to jail for 99 years!” 

99 years later, he comes back an old man, and decides he wants to try to find out what the yellow flower is. 

So he heads to his old school where it all started. 

As he was crossing the street, he got hit by a car and he died. What’s the moral of the story? 

 

Look both ways before crossing the street. 

Just for comparison’s sake, Izzy Dragon has 13 out of 24, I have 24 out of 24.

A man’s out walking his dog one day, when it slips the leash, and runs away. 

As the man is chasing the dog down the street, the dog runs into a yard and bites the lady that lives there. 

The woman rushes into the house and sends her husband out to deal with the man and his dog. 

The dog owner is beside himself with worry as the husband approaches, and says, “Sir, how about a settlement. Would twenty-five dollars do?” 

The husband pauses for a moment and replies, “Sure, and if you come around next week, it’s worth another twenty-five!”

This is outstanding.  There are more I would add…

Rules to Live By 

ONE. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully. 

TWO. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as (more) important as any other. 

THREE. Don’t believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want. 

FOUR. When you say, “I love you,” mean it. 

FIVE. When you say, “I ‘m sorry,” look the person in the eye.

SIX. Be engaged at least six months before you get married. 

SEVEN. Believe in love at first sight. 

EIGHT. Never laugh at anyone’s dream. People who don’t have dreams don’t have much. 

NINE. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it’s the only way to live life completely. 

TEN.. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling. 

ELEVEN. Don’t judge people by their relatives. 

TWELVE. Talk slowly but think quickly. 

THIRTEEN. When someone asks you a question you don’t want to answer, smile and ask, “Why do you want to know?” 

FOURTEEN. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk. 

FIFTEEN. Say “bless you” when you hear someone sneeze.

SIXTEEN. When you lose, don’t lose the lesson 

SEVENTEEN. Remember the three R’s: Respect for self; Respect for others; and responsibility for all your actions. That goes along quite well with the second greatest

EIGHTEEN. Don’t let a little dispute injure a great friendship.

NINETEEN. When you realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it. 

TWENTY. Smile when picking up the phone! . The caller will hear it in your voice. 

TWENTY-ONE. Spend some time alone. 

The National Wallace Monument, Scotland

That’s a MONUMENT?!?!

An Adelie penguin with Isabellinism, a genetic mutation that dilutes the pigment in its feathers.

This is a house on the shore of Lake Erie that was encased in ice from the spray of the lake hitting the houses and freezing, making the house one giant icicle.  March 2020

Indoor Rainforest inside Singapore Changi Airport.

Okay, I’ve been in a LOT of airports in my day, but I ain’t never seen anything like this!

Clouds producing a right angle.

Absolutely amazing!

Albino Moose

Boy ain’t that the truth!  

The rest of this is some stuff I’ve been saving and holding on to.  I think leading up to Easter is the perfect time to put some of it to use.

This is the wall in my house where, when I find something out shopping that strikes my fancy or that I really like, it goes here.  I’ve told you how much the 23rd Psalm means to me, well The Lord Is My Shepherd started the whole thing a couple of months ago.  The worry sign, because I’ve shared with you how much worry is a sin I’m constantly battling, the cross made out of large, exaggerated nails for obvious reasons, “be still and know that I am God” to remind me, while going through things with my brother’s estate that it is all part of God’s plan, and Let Us Adore Him because every single day, all day long, throughout the day, we should be praising Him in all that we do, in all that we see, in the way that we act, and in the way that we interact with others.  Remember the greatest commandment: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.”

Okay, let’s finish off with a couple of more funnies and call it an issue.

Fifteen days ago, I read that smoking can kill you;
The next day I stopped smoking. 

Twelve days ago, I read that too much red meat can kill you;
The next day I stopped eating red meat.. 

Eight days ago, I read that drinking can kill you; 
The next day I stopped drinking. 

Yesterday, I read that having sex can kill you; 
This morning I stopped reading. 

Cop:  Do you mind identifying the body [puts hand on my shoulder] I have to warn you the body was hacked up. 
Me:  [tearing up] Yes, that’s my brother Reese. 
Cop:  You’re sure? 
Me:  [nodding] Those are Reese’s Pieces.

And that’s it.  We’ve had enough.  

Well, here it is, 3 o’clock Saturday afternoon, and it’s only 39° F outside, so needless to say I didn’t

Can’t seem to get motivated.  Still in my night clothes.  I did a load of laundry.  Tomorrow, Sunday, yesterday for you guys, is/was Mary’s birthday.  She’s 56.  

In the middle of writing another piece.  Having some trouble with it.  I know what I want to say, but it’s just not coming out.  I’ll work on it later, I guess.  

So for now, let’s go ahead and start with the laffs and see where it leads us, shall we?

Sounds just like aircraft maintenance for the Air Force.

Here’s a game that Stephanie sent in, it looks like it could be a lot of fun.  Hubby got lost in this game for about 3 years. Once got within 10 feet of the locale.  https://www.geoguessr.com/  

This is a really good one.  Thanks to Stephanie for sending it along.

A golfer was on vacation in Ireland and while playing he made a hole-in-one.

With that a leprechaun jumps out from the trees and says, “I am the lucky leprechaun of the 13th hole. I’ll grant you any wish.”

The player thought a bit and said, “Could you make me weeny a bit larger”

“Wish granted.” says the leprechaun, as he skips away.

Well, by the time he got to the 14th tee it was showin’ below his shorts.

He continued his game and on the 15th hole it was draggin’ along behind him.

By the 18th he could hardly make it to the green.

He went straight to the pro shop and asked the pro how to fix it.

He was told that legend has it that you must go back and make another ace and see the leprechaun again.

After purchasing five buckets of balls, he made his way back to the 13th and frantically began hitting shot after shot until finally he made the hole-in-one.

Again, the leprechaun offered any wish.

The player asked, “Could ya make me legs a bit longer

This is not one that the Whelpling did, this is one that I played with.

Well…I didn’t get to finish this last night.  Izzy was working and she called me and asked me if I could run over to her store and buy her food.  I said, “You have money, why can’t you buy yourself food?  I’m a little busy right now.”

She said, “Well, I have money, but I’m not allowed to ring myself up and … well … the girl I was working with walked out and quit.”  

“I’m on my way.”  And therein lies the problem, ANOTHER one of the problems, with only having two people working in the store at a time.  There are times in the afternoon and the morning when they are there by themselves.  But this is Saturday night.  There is no way I am going to leave my daughter alone in a Dollar General on a Saturday night by herself.  So, I grabbed my tablet and ran over there.  I asked her when/if someone was going to be there to help her out?  (while I was buying her a couple of power-bars)  She said 8pm.  Well, that’s about 2 hours from now.  So I told her that I would be out in the car.  She said I didn’t have to and I said yes I did and read my scriptures and stuff for two hours.  

And that’s why it’s now Sunday afternoon, after church and I’m still working on Monday’s issue and not Thursday’s issue, or writing, like I wanted to.

But, it does give me a chance to say, Happy Birthday my love.  I miss you a lot.  I can’t wait until I get to see you again.

Now, next we have this one from Leah D.

And this one is from Stephanie…

These were sent in by Joe…and I gotta say, this is by no means concise.  There are SO MANY missing…

The Rules 

The female always make the rules. 

The rules are subject to change at any time without prior notification.

No male can possibly know all the rules. 

If the female suspects the male knows the rules she must immediately change some or all of the rules. (This one gets me, every time!)

The female is never wrong. 

If the female is wrong, it is due to a misunderstanding which was a direct result of something the male did or said wrong. 

The male must apologize immediately for causing said misunderstanding.  (There is a corollary to this one, that goes something like this: “Whenever you argue with a woman and you KNOW you’re right, apologize immediately!)

The female may change her mind at any time. 

The male must never change his mind without the express written consent of the female. (I suggest that it also be notarized and witnessed by at least two, highly respectable clergymen)

The female has every right to be angry or upset at any time. 

The male must remain calm at all times unless the female wants him to be angry and/or upset. 

The female must, under no circumstances, let the male know whether or not she wants him to be angry and/or upset. 

The male is expected to mind read at all times. 

The female is ready when she is ready. 

The male must be ready at all times 

Bofo was telling her boyfriend, Jeff “According to archaeologists, for millions of years the Neanderthal man was not fully erect.” 

And Jeff’s reply was, that’s pretty easy to understand considering how ugly the Neanderthal women were!

GOLF and what it all means

§  Golf can best be defined as …

o   An endless series of tragedies …

o   Obscured by the occasional miracle …

o   Followed by a good bottle of beer. 

§  Golf …

o   You hit down to make the ball go up. 

o   You swing left and the ball goes right. 

o   The lowest score wins.  

o   And on top of that, the winner buys the drinks. 

§  Golf is harder than baseball …

o   In golf, you have to play your foul balls. 

§  If you find you do not mind playing golf in the rain, the snow, even during a hurricane, here’s a valuable tip: 

o   Your life is in trouble. 

§  Golfers who try to make everything perfect …

o   Before taking the shot 

o   Rarely make a perfect shot. 

§  The term ‘Mulligan’…

o   Is really a contraction of the phrase ‘maul it again.’ 

§  A ‘gimme’ can best be defined …

o   As an agreement between two golfers …

o   Neither of whom can putt very well. 

§  An interesting thing about golf is …

o   That no matter how badly you play; 

o    It is always possible to get worse. 

§  Golf’s a hard game to figure. 

o   One day you’ll go out and slice it and shank it, 

o   Hit into all the traps, and miss every green. 

o   The next day you go out and for no reason at all you really stink. 

§  If your best shots are the practice swing and the ‘gimme putt’, 

o   You might wish to reconsider this game. 

§  Golf is the only sport where …

o   The most feared opponent is you. 

§  Golf is like marriage:  

o   If you take yourself too seriously it won’t work, 

o   And both are expensive. 

§  The best wood in most amateurs’ bags …

o   Is the pencil. 

No! … Just, No.

Well, depending on what they have to compare it to…maybe.

I love it that you guys send me these shorts…and that there are lots of other shorts under this one…until I end up losing an hour chasing all those other shorts 

Joe sent me this email three weeks ago.  And it ties in so well with how I’ve been feeling, how the world has been feeling and how my Pastor has been leading up to his preaching.  This is what Joe sent…

Saw a great slogan:

“Normal isn’t coming back.  …Jesus is!”

I’m just finishing up the Left Behind series of books.  Everything seems to be pointing towards the end times coming sooner rather than later and I’m very strongly being led to tell people, through my ministries and any way I can, to get their lives together, and get saved.  I know, people have been saying this for years and years.  People have been seeing signs and pointing towards the “End of The World” for so many years that it’s a matter of the boy who cried, “Wolf!”

But, I truly feel like this is different.  I wish I was a better Bible scholar.  But, I also can’t deny what the Spirit is placing on my heart.  

Maybe it’s just me feeling my own mortality.  I don’t think so, but maybe it is.  But that’s okay.  I’m ready.  Wait.  Don’t read that the wrong way.  I’m not anxious to die or anything like that, what I mean is, if I were to die tomorrow, I would be fine with it because I’m prepared to and would be overjoyed to meet Jesus.  But no, I’m not anxious to die.  There are too many people to reach, too many new friends to meet, too many books still to read, and still too much to say through my writing.  

Anyway, that was a fast little aside, so let’s move on…

This was sent in by Joe from NJ.  I’m almost 100% sure that he just sent it in and didn’t write it because it is very insightful into what women actually go through.  But I do qualify it with an ALMOST 100% sure because buddy Joe is a very insightful guy, so, although my confidence approaches 100%, it will never quite get all the way TO 100%.

This is dedicated to all women everywhere who have ever had to deal with a public toilet. And it finally explains to all you men what takes us so long. 

My mother was a fanatic about public toilets. As a little girl, she’d bring me in the stall, teach me to wad up toilet paper and wipe the seat. Then, she’d carefully lay strips of toilet paper to cover the seat. Finally, she’d instruct, “Never, never sit on a public toilet seat.” And she’d demonstrate “The Stance,” which consisted of balancing over the toilet in a sitting position without actually letting any of your flesh make contact with the toilet seat. But by this time, I’d have peed down my leg. And we’d go home. 

That was a long time ago. I’ve had lots of experience with public toilets since then, but I’m still not particularly fond of public toilets, especially 
those with powerful, red-eye sensors. Those toilets know when you want them to flush. They are psychic toilets. But I always confuse their psychic ability by following my mother’s advice and assuming The Stance. The Stance is excruciatingly difficult to maintain when one’s 
bladder is especially full. This is most likely to occur after watching a full-length feature film. 

During the movie pee, it is nearly impossible to hold The Stance. You know what I mean. You drink a two liter cup of Diet Coke, then sit still through a three-hour saga because, for God’s sake, even if you didn’t wipe or wash your hands in the bathroom, you’d still miss the pivotal part of the movie or the second scene, in which they flash the leading man’s naked derriere. 

So, you cross your legs and you hold it. And you hold it until that first credit rolls and you sprint to the bathroom, about ready to explode all over your internal organs. And at the bathroom, you find a line of women that makes you think there’s a half-price sale on Mel Gibson’s underwear in there. 

So, you wait and smile politely at all the other ladies, also crossing their legs and smiling politely. And you finally get closer. You check for feet under the stall doors. Every one is occupied. You hope no one is doing frivolous things behind those stall doors, like blowing her nose or 
checking the contents of her wallet. 

Finally, a stall door opens and you dash, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the stall. You get in to find the door won’t latch. It doesn’t matter. You hang your handbag on the door hook, yank down your pants and assume The Stance. 

Relief. More relief. Then your thighs begin to shake. You’d love to sit down but you certainly hadn’t taken time to wipe the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold The Stance as your thighs experience a quake that would register an eight on the Richter scale. To take your mind off it, you reach for the toilet paper. Might as well be ready when you are done. The toilet paper dispenser is empty. 

Your thighs shake more. You remember the tiny napkin you wiped your fingers on after eating buttered popcorn. It would have to do. You crumble it in the puffiest way possible. It is still smaller than your thumbnail. 

Someone pushes open your stall door because the latch doesn’t work and your  pocketbook whams you in the head. “Occupied!” you scream as you reach out for the door, dropping your buttered popcorn napkin in a puddle and falling backward, directly onto the toilet seat. You get up quickly, but it’s too late. Your bare bottom has made contact with all the germs and life forms on the bare seat because YOU never laid down toilet paper, not that there was any, even if you had enough time to. Your mother would be utterly ashamed of you if she knew, because her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat because, frankly, “You don’t know what kind of diseases you could get.” 

By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused that it flushes, sending up a stream of water akin to a fountain and then it suddenly sucks everything down with such force that you grab onto the toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged to China. 

At that point, you give up. You’re finished peeing. You’re soaked by the splashing water. You’re exhausted. You try to wipe with a Chicklet wrapper you found in your pocket, then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks. 

You can’t figure out how to operate the sinks with the automatic sensors, so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk past a line of women, still waiting, cross-legged and unable to smile politely at this point. 

One kind soul at the very end of the line points out that you are trailing a piece of toilet paper on your shoe as long as the Mississippi River. You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it in the woman’s hand and say warmly, “Here You might need this.” 

At this time, you see your spouse, who has entered, used and exited his bathroom and read a copy of War and Peace while waiting for you. 

“What took you so long?” he asks, annoyed. This is when you kick him sharply in the shin and go home. 

This is the propaganda that “The American Left”(Atheists, Communists, Democrats, Globalists, Islamofascists, Liberals, Marxists, Pagans, Pedophiles, Progressives, Racists, Satanists, Socialists, Militant Baby Murdering Abortionists, Militant Environmental Wackos, Militant Transgenders and their sick twisted supporters, Criminal Illegal Aliens, and CCP agents) is using to indoctrinate our children into eating bugs!

Only genuinely stupid people, severely mentally ill people, and liars that hate our children would tell them it’s OK to eat bugs!

This illegal alien thing can be solved by the same thing my dad told me about stray cats…

STOP FEEDING THEM AND THEY’LL GO AWAY!

(Stop giving them free money, housing, and all the other free stuff we’re giving them while we have American Citizens (AND VETERANS FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!!) who are going without!)

This was sent in by Lynn….

Tyson Foods

What Tyson Foods did to residents in Iowa is one of the worst things we’ve seen a company do. The Bud Light Dylan Mulvaney situation was pathetic, but this is 100 times worse. They announced Monday that they’ll be closing the plant in June, shocking the entire town. 1200 people, 15% of the entire town, work at the plant. They’re all going to be unemployed now. Simultaneously, Tyson is also working with an Asylum advocate group to hire 2,500 asylum seekers who are cleared to work. They’ll make $16.50/hr and get benefits.

Biden will brag about creating those 2,500 new jobs that went to illegals!

This is Bidenomics!

Well, this has NOTHING to do with AOC, but it is definitely worth watching

DOJ moved to dismiss $3.3B fraud suit against Dish after chairman donated $113K to Biden

Subject: Dogs

*If a dog were your teacher, you would learn stuff like: 

*When loved ones come home, always run to greet them. 

*Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride. 

*Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy. 

*When it’s in your best interest, practice obedience. 

*Let others know when they’ve invaded your territory. 

*Take naps and stretch before rising. 

*Run, romp, and play daily. 

*Avoid biting when a simple growl will do. 

*On warm days, stop to lie on your back on the grass. 

*On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree. 

*When you’re happy, dance around and wag your entire body. 

*No matter how often you’re scolded, don’t buy into the guilt thing and pout… run right back and make friends. 

*Delight in the simple joy of a long walk. 

*Eat with gusto and enthusiasm. Stop when you have had enough. 

*Be loyal. 

*Never pretend to be something you’re not. 

*If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it. 

*And MOST of all… When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle them gently 

Restaurant that looks like a drawing.

Well, at least they’re honest.

A young man was walking past an old woman on a street corner, when she said, “Son, if it is not too much trouble, can you see me across the street.”

The young man said, “Just a minute.”

Then he walked across the street, looked back and yelled, “Yes, I can see you!”

And the thing is, there are probably a lot of young people who see nothing wrong with this and are probably wondering why the old lady would even ask this.

Illinois, Evanston  Law

It is unlawful to change clothes in an automobile with the curtains drawn, except in case of fire.

Well, that’s it for Monday my friends.  I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it.  I hope to have another issue for you on Thursday.  Thank you all for your support and your love.