I’m actually quite proud of that header.  A color by number picture that I did with photoshopped elements added.  Plus it was a lot of fun to do. 

So, I’m guessing that it’s going to end up with one issue on Monday and one on either Thursday or Friday depending on how my week goes.  Probably mostly on Fridays, since I have ministry stuff on Tuesday and Wednesday nights.

I’m actually starting this one on Sunday evening.  It has been a LONG HARD weekend for me.  Thursday was the 4th of July and a day off and holiday.  I took Friday off as a liberal leave day and of course had Saturday and Sunday off.  So a nice four-day weekend and I feel like I would have gotten more relaxation if I had been at work.

I fixed a leaky sink, but ended up ordering a new faucet for the bathroom anyway because I couldn’t change the hot water side, so I’m going to just change out the whole faucet.  Which should be fun because I’ve never done it before.  Maybe I’ll take pictures.

Here’s my list:

• Fixed the leaky sink
• Vacuumed out the car
• Went shopping both at Harbor Freight (Yay!) and for groceries (Boo!)
• Changed my bed linens (NOT an easy task! – I have an extra large and heavy mattress that has sheet suspenders under it to hold the fitted sheets on because the mattress is larger)
• Did three loads of laundry
• Mowed the lawn
• Weed-eated the lawn
• Used my new backpack sprayer and sprayed weed killer all over the lawn
• Wrote
• Studied
• Worked on Dragon Laffs
• Took and picked up Izzy at her new job on base both Saturday and Sunday
• Was Security at Church on Sunday
• Had a meeting with new people at Church who are building a house for homeless men in town for my jail ministry
• And built a little wooden model of an owl in memory of Mary, who collected owls

The owl was just a time waster.  I used to build the little wooden model/puzzles all the time.  And I went online and ordered a couple of other ones to play with while I’m watching TV, listening to podcasts or listening to my bible read scriptures to me.

Anyway, that’s been most of my long weekend.  I feel like I’ve been beaten with a stick…a big, thick stick…by a big hungarian guy…with a crappy attitude towards dragons.

So many people have no idea what it’s like to be in pain ALL THE TIME.  I still go back to the line – “I wake up on a GOOD DAY in enough pain to send most of you young people to the emergency room or reaching for the phone calling 911 for an ambulance.”  And the flip side of that is, like today, waking up on a BAD DAY, still climbing out of bed with tears in my eyes and thanking God for the night’s rest and for the day that He’s put before me, asking for His help to get through the day and setting out with the faith to KNOW that HE will see me through the day.  Even though as I sit here writing this I have NO IDEA how He’s going to do it, but knowing that He will.

One last thing before we get this started…I saw this little family on the way to picking Izzy up the other day.  I’m thinking wild turkey, but I can’t be really sure.  Any of you guys out there have any ideas?  

Okay, Smartalec Izzy just had me do a Google search (I knew how to do that!  I just didn’t THINK of doing that!) and according to Google, I was right, they are wild turkeys…walking down River Road here in town.  Gotta love livin’ in the country.

And now…. 

Okay, for the next couple of “in-between pictures” I’m going to pop in memes about memes.  What is the big deal about stealing memes?  Isn’t that what we’re supposed to do?  Isn’t that why we make them?  So other people can snag them?  In the hopes that one day someone forwards you a meme and tells you how funny it is and it turns out it is one that YOU created?  That’s why I always try to remember to put a little dragon in the lower corner of the ones that I create.  So here’s the first one:

Not sure if this is a true story, Urban Legend, or just a good joke…whatever.  It is funny and made funnier by the fact that it COULD be true.  But I have heard it before, so who knows.

It happened at a New York Airport. This is hilarious. I wish I had the guts of this girl. An award should go to the United Airlines gate agent in New York for being smart and funny, while making her point, when confronted with a passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo.

For all of you out there who have had to deal with an irate customer, this one’s for you.

A crowded United Airlines flight was canceled. A single agent was re-booking a long line of inconvenienced travelers.

Suddenly, an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket on the counter and said, “I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS.”

The agent replied, “I’m sorry, sir. I’ll be happy to try to help you, but I’ve got to help these folks first; and then I’m sure we’ll be able to work something out.”

The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, “DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?”

Without hesitating, the agent smiled and grabbed her public address microphone. “May I have your attention, please?”, she began, her voice heard clearly throughout the terminal. “We have a passenger here at Gate 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him with his identity, please come to Gate 14”.

With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the United Airlines agent, gritted his teeth, and said, “F*** You!”

Without flinching, she smiled and said, “I’m sorry sir, you’ll have to get in line for that, too.”

Life isn’t about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain.

Boy, she handled that second part MUCH better than I would have.

The second meme, meme…

Do you younger guys even know who these guys are?  I asked Izzy, she had no idea who they were!!!

Another meme of memes…

And the LAST meme of memes…for now, anyway…

“Impish invited me over to play…can I come in, please?”

That is so bad for you!

I saw this many years ago and it just surfaced again:
__________________

I agree with Joe, I read this many years ago and laughed myself silly.  This is truly a classic piece.

---

I’ve been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second grade classroom a few years back.

When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell.. So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame.

Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it in to school and talk about it, they’re welcome.

Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater.

She holds up a snapshot of an infant. ‘This is Luke, my baby brother, and. I’m going to tell you about his birthday.’

‘First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom’s stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord.’

She’s standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I’m trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in amazement.

‘Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts going, ‘Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh!’

Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. ‘She walked around the house for, like an hour, ‘Oh, oh, oh!’ (Now this kid is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning.)

‘My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn’t have sign on the car like the Domino’s man.

They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this.’ (Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall.)

‘And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!’ (This kid has her legs spread with her little hands miming water flowing away. It was too much!)

‘Then the middle wife starts saying ‘push, push,’ and ‘breathe, breathe.

They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff that they all said it was from Mom’s play-center, so there must be a lot of toys inside there.

When he got out, the middle wife spanked him for crawling up in there in the first place.’

Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat.

I’m sure I applauded the loudest.

Ever since then, when it’s Show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another ‘Middle Wife’ comes along.

Cool!  I was keeping an eye on Dave, also.

Hold on tight when you watch this one, it’s really hard.

And that’s it my friends.  Much more I wanted, needed to say, but I ran out of time.  Maybe I’ll get to it for Saturday.  My love to you all.

I hope everyone had a great holiday weekend.  That everyone stayed safe and happy.  I’m actually starting this one on the 4th of July because I’m staying home with my doggies because they HATE the fireworks and the city sets them off right down the street (practically) from me.  Plus I live between some real Indiana rednecks who’ve been setting stuff off for the past couple of days and ALL day today.  Lots of M-80s or whatever the modern day equivalent is.  Heck, these guys could be setting off sticks of dynamite for all I know.  

So, I spent the day building new subheading titles (Good Morning Campers, Dragon Pix, Fantasy Pix, etc) and added a few new ones for specialized people who contribute all the time.  Try to make it a little more participatory.  

We’ll see.

But, in the meantime, let’s go ahead and get the regular show started and see where it takes us today.  I feel like I’ve got some things to talk about today, like there is something percolating in the back of my head that needs to come out in my writing, but I’m not sure what that might be just yet.  I’m sure that God will let me know what that is at the right time.

But for now…

How about a round up of last minute 4th of July stuff that I received…

It’d be easier on my poor puppies if we’d done that here.  Although these guys probably would’ve just ignored it.

I don’t know…some of them I may have already used…but here’s some more I know I didn’t use…

I’m kinda wondering if that isn’t Mrs. Aussie Pete. Not that they would be celebrating the 4th, but you know, just posing for the picture.  Or someone from his family.

An old farmer was hauling a load of manure when he was stopped by a state trooper. “You were speeding,” the cop said. “I’m going to have to give you a ticket.”

“Yep,” the farmer said as he watched the trooper shoo away several flies.

” These flies sure are terrible,” the trooper complained.

“Yep,” the farmer said. “Them are circle flies.”

“What’s a circle fly?”

“Them flies that circle a horse’s tail,” answered the farmer. “Them are circle flies.”

“You wouldn’t be calling me a horse’s ass, would you?” the trooper angrily asked.

“Nope, I didn’t,” the farmer replied. There was a pause as the trooper continued to write out the ticket…”But you sure can’t fool them flies.” 

 

Too funny!

I feel like I’m in a rut. Every time I go to bed at night, I find myself just getting up again in the morning.

Anon.

Massachusetts  Law

Bullets may not be used as currency.

2024 Staff Photos

A man phones home from his office and tells his wife: “Something has just come up. I have a chance to go fishing for a week. It’s the opportunity of a lifetime.

We leave right away. So pack my clothes, my fishing equipment, and especially my blue silk pyjamas. I’ll be home in an hour to pick them up.”

He goes home in a hurry and grabs everything and rushes off.

A week later he returns.

His wife asks: “Did you have a good trip, dear?”

He says: ” Oh yes, great! But you forgot to pack my blue silk pyjamas.”

His wife smiles and says, “Oh no I didn’t. I put them in your tackle box!”

Another really good one from brother Joe…

An unemployed man is desperate to support his family of a wife and three kids. He applies for a janitor’s job at a large firm and easily passes an aptitude test.

The human resources manager tells him, “You will be hired at minimum wage of $5.15 an hour. Let me have your e-mail address so that we can get you in the loop. Our system will automatically e-mail you all the forms and advise you when to start and where to report on your first day.”

Taken back, the man protests that he is poor and has neither a computer nor an e-mail address. 

To this the manager replies, “You must understand that to a company like ours that means that you virtually do not exist. Without an e-mail address you can hardly expect to be employed by a high-tech firm. Good day.”

Stunned, the man leaves. Not knowing where to turn and having $10 in his wallet, he walks past a farmers’ market and sees a stand selling 25lb crates of beautiful red tomatoes. 

He buys a crate, carries it to a busy corner and displays the tomatoes. In less than 2 hours he sells all the tomatoes and makes 100% profit. Repeating the process several times more that day, he ends up with almost $100 and arrives home that night with several bags of groceries for his family.

During the night he decides to repeat the tomato business the next day. By the end of the week he is getting up early every day and working into the night.

He multiplies his profits quickly. Early in the second week he acquires a cart to transport several boxes of tomatoes at a time, but before a month is up he sells the cart to buy a broken-down pickup truck.

At the end of a year he owns three old trucks. His two sons have left their neighborhood gangs to help him with the tomato business, his wife is buying the tomatoes, and his daughter is taking night courses at the community college so she can keep books for him.

By the end of the second year he has a dozen very nice used trucks and employs fifteen previously unemployed people, all selling tomatoes. He continues to work hard.

Time passes and at the end of the fifth year he owns a fleet of nice trucks and a warehouse that his wife supervises, plus two tomato farms that the boys manage. The tomato company’s payroll has put hundreds of homeless and jobless people to work. His daughter reports that the business grossed a million dollars.

Planning for the future, he decides to buy some life insurance. Consulting with an insurance adviser, he picks an insurance plan to fit his new circumstances. Then the adviser asks him for his e-mail address in order to send the final documents electronically.

When the man replies that he doesn’t have time to mess with a computer and has no e-mail address, the insurance man is stunned, “What, you don’t have e-mail? No computer? No Internet? Just think where you would be today if you’d had all of that five years ago!”

“Ha!” snorts the man. “If I’d had e-mail five years ago I would be sweeping floors at Microsoft and making $5.15 an hour.”

Which brings us to the moral:

Since you got this story by e-mail, you’re probably closer to being a janitor than a millionaire.

Sadly, I got it, too.

That one cracked me up so badly.  That is me SO many times.  When I get a chance to actually sit at church and not play security and walk around during service, I sit in the very front row and when my stomach makes its ridiculously loud noise, I always look up at the Pastor like it’s his fault. 

Never works though.

A trial had been scheduled in a small town, but the court clerk had forgotten to call in a jury panel.
 
Rather than adjourning what he thought was an exceptionally simple case, the judge ordered his bailiff to go through the courthouse and round up enough people to form a jury.  The bailiff returned with a group of lawyers. 

The prosecutor felt that it would be an interesting experiment to try a case before a jury of lawyers, and  the defense counsel had no objection, so a jury was impaneled.  And the trial went very quickly.  After only an hour of testimony, and very short closing arguments, both sides rested.  The jury was then instructed by the judge, and was sent back to the jury room to deliberate.

After nearly six hours, the trial court was concerned that the jury had not returned with a verdict.  The case had, in fact, turned out to be every bit as simple as he had expected, and it seemed to him that they should have been back in minutes.  He sent the bailiff to the jury room, to see if they needed anything.

The bailiff returned, and the judge asked, “Are they close to reaching a verdict?”

The bailiff shook his head, and replied, “Your Honor, they’re still doing nomination speeches for the position of foreman.” 

This is a great one!  It’s from Buzzfeed and it’s called:

“My Adult Children Didn’t Believe Me”: 26 Normal Practices And Routines From The Past That Have Gen Z’ers Confused, Perplexed, And Puzzled

And here’s another one… this poor bear.  You are not going to believe the crap this poor bear has put up with.

The Unluckiest Albino Grizzly Bear in the World Got Mistakenly Sent to the Artic 5 Times

So, today … Friday … has been one of those days.  I WAS going to get up, do lawn work all day and get that out of the way, but instead it started raining, so Izzy and I went shopping.  Harbor Freight was having a sale (Man! I love Harbor Freight.  It’s like the toy store for men.) I spray a lot of weed kill and I’ve had this little one gallon, hand carry pump sprayer that I use.  I usually fill it up twice and it’s a real pain by half an hour or so.  I bought a 3 gallon backpack sprayer for $29 on sale.  I’m going to try it out on Saturday.  I also bought a little bitty wet/dry vac specifically for cleaning out the car.  Holy cow!

 

It will suck the hair off a watermelon at 100 paces!  It’s a little monster!  Plus, you can hook the hose up to the outlet and make it a blower.  There’s a warning on there that says basically when you use it as a blower that anything inside the canister can be ejected through the hose, so make sure the canister is empty before hand.  So, I’m thinking, buy a bunch of that birthday confetti, fill the whole canister up with it, poke the hose inside or over the top of a bathroom stall while someone is using it and turn it on!  How awesome would THAT be!?

Or even better!  I have to start punching holes in like 50 new base plans that are about 150 pages each…save all the little round circles that are punched out…Yeah!

Anyway, when we got home, Izzy and I trimmed some branches, but everything was too wet to mow, so that’s now on tap for Saturday. 

Okay, no theme today, you are just going to get about 10 or so of the memes in the order that I have them in the file.  So, don’t blame me if they are all one sided.  I just send out what I receive.  Besides, you guys all know how I feel.  I am a Christian, Constitutional, Conservative.  

I saw a tweet (do we still call them that now that it’s X?) just a quick headline that said that Biden had a medical issue on Air Force One.  My first thought was that, okay here it is, their excuse for getting rid of him from the ticket.  Someone responded, “No he didn’t.  He walked off the plane just fine.”  I stopped reading at that point because it’s all becoming nonsense…would that be “again” or “still”?

And yet another…

Unexpected source exposes the ‘conspiracy’ hiding Joe Biden’s decline from America — and the details are insane | Blaze Media. Say it Ain’t so Joe

That is so much me!  Except I wave my tablet because I can’t afford books anymore…I read too fast.

I know.  This is a real worry of mine.  I went to the eye doctor the other day and I told her that I HAVE to take care of my eyes.  As far as my body goes, they are my number ONE priority because otherwise I won’t be able to read.  I hope and pray that there are good libraries in Heaven.  But, there you will have all those historical figures to TELL you the stories themselves.  How’d you like to spend an afternoon talking to Noah about the art of ark building or to Moses about what it was like standing in front of pharoah while you told him to “Let my people go!”  Man!  I can’t hardly wait!

This one is from Steve H.  And it’s awesome.  Here’s what he has to say about it.

Subject: Must watch short YouTube    “This is what STRENGTH looks like” on YouTube

An iconic  but relatively unknown response to those still suffering from terminal cases of Trump Derangement Syndrome (TDS.) 

Two young men are walking down Fifth Avenue. The first one says, “Look at that gorgeous redhead in that green suit.” 

They walk on, and the same young man says, “Wow! Take a gander at that blonde in those red slacks.” 

They continue, and again, the first young man says, “Holy cow! Feast your eyes on that brunette in the …” 

The second young man finally says, “Is that all you can think about? …..Clothes?” 

I have no idea WHO amongst all of you had the temerity to send me that!!!

So I heard someone on the radio say, “until you can thank God for the death of your spouse, you have not completely come to grips with it yet.”

I started thinking about that.  While pondering this deep topic, I received this from my (and your) deep friend Stephanie.

Now, I’ve seen this, or something very similar to it many times before and it is quite true.  It leaves you quite changed.  Most of it in horrible, devastating, incredibly painful ways.

But in what good ways have I been changed that I could possibly thank God for?

Sure…there have been some positive changes in my life since I’ve lost Mary.  And to be clear, I HATE that term.  I haven’t lost her.  Like if I look around enough I can find her again or if I just lift up the right towel or pillow I can jump in excitement and say, “Oh!  There you are!  I’ve been looking everywhere for you!” 

No. 

And it’s not like I don’t know exactly where she is.  And it’s not like I don’t have every assurance of being with her again some day for all eternity, although I’m also assured that our reunion will not be very high on the list of either of our priorities.

But thanking God involves being truly thankful for something important.  What am I truly thankful for that happened because Mary died?  I’ve lost 138 pounds, but that’s mostly because eating just isn’t any fun any more.

What else?

Well, I guess, the biggest thing is that I went back to church, more importantly, I went back to God.  Not that I ever really left God, but I REALLY went back to God, for everything, every day.  Mary was so much better at that then I was.  Relying on God for everything.  I was more self reliant.  Which do you think works out better?

My life is so much better now.  I am so much more content.  I have several ministries that I am involved in and more than one person has told me that their life has been changed because of my efforts, although I HAVE to emphasize that is NOT a reason.  No wait, changing others lives IS a reason, but me taking credit for it NOT a reason because it’s NOT me, it’s God choosing to work through me.

And that ain’t nuthin’!  

But to hit my knees and say those words, “Thank you God for taking Mary.” 

I don’t know. 

But I think I have to try. 

And by “try” I mean really mean it. 

Maybe I’ll let you guys know.

It is Independence Day!  The 4th of July!  To some of you out there, the day means nothing.  To others it is an important day in your life.  To some (hopefully not on our site) it is a sad day and you are bemoaning its celebration.  This, I can’t imagine, but I am assured that there are some Americans (or perhaps I should say some americans) who feel this way.  I can’t imagine why.

Even those of who are dissatisfied with the state of our country right now, should not hate the holiday that created our country.  I heard a statistic on the radio today that I believe RFK stated 8 years ago 85% of the people polled said they were proud to be Americans and today, less than 15% agreed with that sentiment.  That means that over the last 8 years we’ve lost that.

Now I know he was saying it to prove that he was a better choice for president than Trump or Biden since it was the two of them in office over the last 8 years.  I would have liked to have seen when the change occured, but the fact of the matter is that the change did occur!

Why?

I can point to a couple of things that have happened that make me ashamed of our country.  The childish debate the other night is right near the top of the list.  Arguing about who has the better golf game?  For crying out loud!  

How about the debacle of Afghanistan?

How about the destruction of our military? (You’ve heard me say before that there is a REASON you have to be this tall to ride this ride!)

How about the weaponization of our justice system?

The throwing open of our borders and welcoming of the terrorists, criminals, drugs, cartels, and all the other garbage?

The complete and total mishandling and disregard for the handling of secret documents, emails … it’s called OPSEC and COMSEC! and everyone of you signed agreements just like I did!!!

And I could go on and on…

But…

BUT!!!

What about all the stuff that makes this country great?

What is that you ask?  It’s people.  

The less than 1% of Americans that volunteer to actively protect the rest of us by laying their lives on the line, to stand between us and the evilness in the world.

Or how about the less than 8% of us who have ever done that in their lifetime, even for just a couple of years.

How about those of us who would rather work taking care of other people, serve other people, teach our children, protect them, heal them, drive toward the fire and danger then care about how much money they are making because I guarantee you that every one of those jobs that I am describing and thinking of will never make you rich.  Which jobs?

The military, police, firemen, EMTs, teachers, pastors, did I mention the military?  Soldiers, Sailors, Airmen, Marines, Coasties, Active Duty and Reserves, National Guard.

Pretend you are standing on a cloud beside God and He gathers up 200 random people.  200 of them! Of that 200 only 1 of them will be, on average, an active duty military member.  Only 14 of them will have EVER been in the military…not retired, not in combat, not anything special, EVER been in the military.

I wish I had the time to look up the statistics on police and fire and pastors and EMTs and teachers and the other service, not get rich but help  people jobs that I’m just not thinking of right now, but I do need to get on with the main part of this episode.  I’ve ranted enough and I think I’ve made my point.  

As you are celebrating your Independence Day today, find reasons to celebrate your neighbors and fellow Americans and take a minute to say thanks to the people who are there to serve…in all the different capacities there are to serve.

Now…

Okay, definitely worth watching.  Click HERE

Stephen B.’s latest wood carving in his words: Meet Uncle Ham, the Patriotic Pig…..

Famous Quotes

Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen.
I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement.

– Mark Twain

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Santa Claus has the right idea. 
Visit people only once a year.

– Victor Borge

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Be careful about reading health books.
You may die of a misprint.

– Mark Twain

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By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.

– Socrates

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I was married by a judge. 
I should have asked for a jury.

– Groucho Marx

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My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. 
Every now and then she stops to breathe.

– Jimmy Durante

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I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.

– Zsa Zsa Gabor

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Only Irish coffee provides, in a single glass, all four essential food groups:
alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.

– Alex Levine

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My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.

– Rodney Dangerfield

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Money can’t buy you happiness …. 
But it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.

– Spike Milligan

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Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP .

– Joe Namath

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I don’t feel old. I don’t feel anything until noon. 
Then it’s time for my nap.

– Bob Hope

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I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.

– W. C. Fields

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We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.

– Will Rogers

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Don’t worry about avoiding temptation. 
As you grow older, it will avoid you.

– Winston Churchill

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Maybe it’s true that life begins at fifty, but everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.

– Phyllis Diller

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By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he’s too old to go anywhere.

– Billy Crystal

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And the cardiologist’s diet: if it tastes good spit it out.

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May your troubles be less, may your blessings be more,
and may nothing but happiness come through your door.

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Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, “Lillian, you should have remained a virgin.”

~ Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)

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I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: 
“No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.”

~ Eleanor Roosevelt

If you love someone, set them free. 

If they come back, it means nobody else liked them. 

Set them free again.

Because when you do a search for “Patriotic Mythical Fantasy” and this pops up and you laugh as hard as I did, you just have to post it.

𝐇𝐨𝐰 𝐇𝐨𝐭 𝐈𝐬 𝐈𝐭 𝐢𝐧 𝐏𝐇𝐎𝐄𝐍𝐈𝐗 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐀𝐬𝐤…

1. The birds have to use potholders to pull worms out of the ground.

2. The trees are whistling for the dogs.

3. The best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.

4. Hot water now comes out of both taps.

5. You can make sun tea instantly.

6. You learn that a seat belt buckle makes a pretty good branding iron.

7. The temperature drops below 95 and you feel a little chilly.

8. In June-July-August it only takes 2 fingers to steer your car.

9. You discover that you can get sunburned through your car window.

10. You actually burn your hand opening the car door.

11. You break into a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 a.m.

12. The Good news is it dries INSTANTLY!

13. Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, “What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?”

14. You realize that asphalt has a liquid state.

15. The potatoes cook underground, so all you have to do is pull one out and add butter, salt and pepper.

16. Farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying boiled eggs.

17. The cows are giving evaporated milk.

An Australian tourist and his wife were driving for hours through Canada, not even sure where they were. 

The husband eventually says, “I’ve got to stop for petrol.” 

His wife says, “Find out where we are.” 

The husband gets gas, and goes into the service station, pays, and asks the attendant, “Can you tell me where we are now?” 

The attendant looks at him and says, “Saskatoon. Saskatchewan.” 

The husband gets back into the car and the wife asks, “Well, where are we?” 

The husband says, “He doesn’t speak English.”

“All the Dachaus must remain standing. The Dachaus, the Belsens, the Buchenwalds, the Auschwitzes -all of them. They must remain standing because they are a monument to a moment when some men decided to turn the earth into a graveyard; into it, they shoveled all of their reason, their logic, their knowledge, but worst of all, their conscience. And the moment we forget this, we cease to be haunted by its remembrance. Then we become the gravediggers.”

 

Rod Serling is the best American writer of The Twilight Zone  

Two old guys, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on a park bench one morning. The 87-year-old had just finished his morning jog and wasn’t even short of breath. The 80-year-old was amazed at the guy’s stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy. The 87-year-old said, “Well, I eat rye bread every day. It keeps your energy level high and you’ll have great stamina with the ladies.”

So, on the way home the 80-year-old stopped at the bakery. As he was looking around, the saleslady asked if he needed any help. He said, “Do you have any rye bread?” She said, “Yes, there’s a whole shelf of it. Would you like some?” He said, “I want 5 loaves.” She said,

“My goodness, 5 loaves! By the time you get to the 3rd loaf, it’ll be hard.” He replied, “I can’t believe everybody knows about this but me.”

 I had a phone conversation today with a very nice young chap from Pakistan. This is how it went:

“Hello sir, how are you today?”

“I’m very well, thank you for asking. And how are you? And, more to the point, WHO are you?”

“Sir, my name is Sanjit, and I’m calling you from Microsoft”.

“Microsoft, eh? Is that a city in Pakistan? How’s the weather there today?”

” No, sir – MICROSOFT, the computer company. I’m calling to tell you that we have found a problem with your computer and -“

“REALLY?? Well, that’s quite concerning……”

“Yes sir, it can become very serious indeed, but thankfully I will be able to fix it for you. Now, if you -“

“No, I meant it’s very concerning because you see I don’t HAVE a computer”.

“You don’t?”

“I don’t”.

“Ahh, it must be a problem on your laptop sir -“

“Don’t have one”.

“iPad?”

“Nope”.

“Tablet?”

“Nope, I have none of those things. As a matter of fact, I don’t even have a telephone”.

After a few seconds of silence, he said “Ah, sir, you are lying to me now!”

I said “Well, you started it!!” and put the phone down.

Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, “You know, I don’t know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we’ve been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage, take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the Stairs, get undressed in the bathroom. I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late!” 

His buddy looks at him and says, Well, you’re obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes in the closet, jump into bed, slap her on the ass and loudly say, “WHO’S HORNY”..?!!!” and she acts like she’s sound asleep

An older gentleman had an appointment to see a urologist who shared an office with several other doctors. 

The waiting room was filled with patients. As he approached the receptionist desk he noticed that the receptionist was a very large unfriendly woman who looked like a Sumo wrestler. He gave her his name.

In a very loud voice, the receptionist said, “YES, I HAVE YOUR NAME HERE; YOU WANT TO SEE THE DOCTOR ABOUT IMPOTENCE, RIGHT?” 

All the patients in the waiting room snapped their heads around to look at the very embarrassed man. 

He recovered quickly though, and in an equally loud voice replied,

“NO, I’VE COME TO INQUIRE ABOUT A SEX CHANGE OPERATION, BUT I DON’T WANT THE SAME QUACK WHO DID YOURS.” 

A Sunday school teacher asked, “Johnny, do you think Noah did a lot of fishing when he was on the Ark?” 

“No,” replied Johnny.  “How could he, with just two worms?”

The theory works.  I proved it.  I didn’t exactly shoot the first one, but flame works just as well!  All you have to do is burn and eat the first one and the word gets around.

Sadly, I know several people like this.

One of the world’s greatest scientists was also recognized as the original absent-minded professor.  One day, on board a train, he was unable to find his ticket.  The conductor said, “Take it easy.  You’ll find it.” 

When the conductor returned, the professor still couldn’t find the ticket. The conductor, recognizing the famous scientist, said, “I’m sure you bought a ticket.  Forget about it.” 

“You’re very kind,” the professor said, “but I must find it, otherwise I won’t know where to get off.” 

A travelling salesman was about to check in at a hotel when he noticed a very charming bit of femininity giving him the eye. 

In a causal manner he walked over and spoke to her as though he had known her all his life. 

Both walked back to the desk and registered as Mr. and Mrs. 

After a three-day stay he walked up to the desk and informed the clerk that he was checking out. 

The clerk presented him with his bill for £1,600. 

“There is a mistake here,” he protested. “I have been here only three days.” 

“Yes,” replied the clerk, “But your wife has been here a month.” 

That’s it my friends.  Please be safe, but have a wonderful holiday.  I will see you all again on Monday.

Until then, may our Father in Heaven Bless you with Love, Happiness, and Comfort and may you find joy in your families this weekend.

Episode #2323…seems like there ought to be something special for that.  Maybe if it happened in 2023 or something.  But, we didn’t make it.  And we probably won’t make issue 2424 until the year 2025.  We might make 2626 by 2026.

Anyway, I have no idea why I’m speculating on this today.  Weird things are on my mind. 

I think I’ve mentioned to you guys before, that when something is brought up to me over and over again, it’s usually God trying to teach me something or point something out to me or there is a lesson that I’m supposed to learn.  Well, I think I’ve also pointed out to you guys before that my favorite passage is Psalm 23 and over the last week or so I am being inundated with Psalm 23 stuff.  Articles, references, bible study lessons, email suggestions from organizations I belong to, reflection suggestions, and even this morning, a facebook friend who is a Pastor in India, wrote a message on his reflections on Psalm 23.  I won’t copy it out here because it’s his, not mine and because he is a Pastor.  But he included a wonderful picture…

“Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; for thou art with me;”

When the storm breaks on the mountain, it is the valley that is protected.  I am paraphrasing Charles Spurgeon here a bit, and a bit of Just Bob, It is the shadow of death, the worry of problems, the thought and concern of issues and sins that can destroy us.  Jesus teaches us that if we commit the sin in our thoughts or in our hearts, then we’ve committed the sin and we need to repent and ask forgiveness.  

You can look that one up in Matthew 5:27-28.  

But, by claiming Jesus as our Shepherd, he can protect us from those shadows, as we walk through those valleys.  By walking with Him, living with Him, speaking with Him, His rod and His staff will protect our lives, our minds, and our hearts from even the shadows of sins.  His rod is the natural symbol of His authority and His staff is the symbol of guidance, protection, and comfort.  I’m not explaining this well, mostly because there aren’t the words for it and mostly because I’ve been interrupted in this soliloquy about a dozen times.

Suffice to say that Psalm 23 is on my mind and on my heart and God wants me to learn something from it.  It is a Psalm of comfort for me. 

I always have my coin in my pocket and I usually have a few copies held back because I end up giving so many of them away to people who need them.  (Speaking of which, I believe I need to order a few more because I’m pretty sure I’m down to the last one that’s in my pocket again.)

Well, I couldn’t find the same coin, but one similar enough and I just ordered a couple because they are disappearing.  Christians are being discriminated against around the world and our “swag” is disappearing with it.

So, let’s move on to the rest of the issue, I’m in waiting status for so many other things right now, that I might be interrupted again, but let’s see where we can go with laughing, because laughter truly is the best medicine. 

I could get behind that!

The elderly husband and wife, both a little hard of hearing, were watching golf on TV. 

The husband turned to his wife of some 50 years and said, “In my next life, I’m going to be rich and play all those beautiful golf courses with their great bars and dining and dancing areas.” 

The wife quickly responded, “How will you be able to manage all that with your bad legs? You can barely walk!” 

“I said, ‘..in my next life … ‘” the husband replied.

“Oh,” she said. I thought you said, ‘ … with my next wife … ‘”

A fellow passed a house with a little red light burning in front, so he stepped inside. There was nothing in sight and nothing there but an empty bare hallway, with two doors reading, “Over 35” and “Under 35.” 

He decided to be truthful and entered the door that said, “Over 35.” He found himself in another empty hallway, this one with two doors that read, “Over 8 inches” and “Under 8 inches.” 

Truthful again, he went through the “Under 8 inches” door and found himself in another empty hall, with two more doors reading, “Once a night” and “Over 4 times a night.” 

Still wanting to be truthful, he entered the door marked “Once a night” and found himself back out on the street. 

The moral of this story is: 

“Always tell the truth and you’ll never get screwed.”

My brother Scott brought over a photo album of his camping trip.  

One picture showed a brown bear helping itself to his food. 

“What kind of bear is that?” I asked. 

“It’s called a Kodiak,” Scott replied. 

“Oh, yeah?” my husband Keith shot back.  “And I suppose those white ones in the Arctic are called Polaroids?” 

What an odd picture…

Understanding relationships:

ATTRACTION- The act of associating horniness with a particular person.

LOVE AT 1st SIGHT- What occurs when two extremely horny, but not entirely choosy people meet. 

DATING- The process of spending enormous amounts of money, time, and energy to get better acquainted with a person whom you don’t especially like in the present and will learn to like a lot less in the future.

EASY- A term used to describe a woman who has the sexual morals of a man.

EYE CONTACT- A method utilized by a single woman to communicate to a man that she is interested in him. Despite being advised to do so, many women have difficulty looking a man directly in the eyes, not necessarily due to the shyness, but usually due to the fact that a woman’s eyes are not located in her chest. 

FRIEND- A member of the opposite sex in your acquaintance who has some flaw which makes sleeping with him/her totally unappealing. 

INDIFFERENCE- A woman’s feeling towards a man, which is interpreted by the man  as “playing hard to get.” 

INTERESTING- A word a man uses to describe a woman who lets him do all the talking. 

IRRITATING HABIT- What the endearing little qualities that initially attract two people to each other turn into after a few months together.

LAW OF RELATIVITY- How attractive a given person appears to be is directly proportional to how unattractive your date is. 

NYMPHOMANIAC- A man’s term for a woman who wants to have sex more often than he does. 

FRIGID- A man’s term for a woman who wants to have sex less often than he does, or one who requires more foreplay than lifting her nightgown.

SOBER- Condition in which it is almost impossible to fall in love.

NAG- A man’s term for a woman who wants more to her life with him than just sex. 

Two friends, one very wealthy and the other quite poor, were sitting in a bar late one night. 

They were talking about different things when the poor man asked the rich man, 

“So what did you end up giving you wife for her birthday, the Mercedes or the diamond ring?” 

“I got her the Mercedes *and* the diamond ring,” says the rich man. 

The poor man, a bit puzzled, asked, “Why the hell did you get her both?” 

The rich man replied, “I got her both so if she doesn’t like the ring, she can drive her new car back to the jeweler’s to exchange it.  So… What did YOU buy for YOUR wife?” 

The poor man says, “I bought her a pair of flip-flops and a dildo.” 

Obviously confused, the rich man asked why he chose those items. 

The poor man replied, 

“Because if she doesn’t like the flip-flops, she can go screw herself!” 

WHAT!?!?

I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally. 

W. C. Fields (1880 – 1946)

Man: “Your hair color is fabulous.” 

Woman: “Thank you. It’s in aisle three at the corner drug store.”

Michigan Law

A state law stipulates that a woman’s hair legally belongs to her husband.

SIGNS THAT YOU DRINK TO MUCH 

You lose arguments with inanimate objects. 

You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth.

Job interfering with your drinking. 

Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream. 

Career won’t progress beyond Senator of Massachusetts. 

The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat. 

Sincerely believe alcohol to be the elusive 5th food group. 

24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case – coincidence?? – I think not!

Two hands and just one mouth… – now THAT’S a drinking problem!

You can focus better with one eye closed. 

The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar. 

Your twin sons are named Barley and Hops. 

Hey, 5 beers has just as many calories as a burger, screw dinner!

Mosquitoes catch a buzz after attacking you. 

At AA meetings you begin: “Hi, my name is… uh…” 

Your idea of cutting back is less salt. 

You wake up in the bedroom, your underwear is in the bathroom, you fell asleep clothed. 

The whole bar says ‘Hi’ when you come in… 

A workout regime from Joe from NJ that he swears works well…

For those of us getting on in years and needing a bit of exercise, I thought I might let you, my friends, in on a little secret I’ve found for building my arm and shoulder muscles. 

You might wish to adopt this regimen – three days a week or so. I started by standing outside, behind the house, and with a 5-lb. Potato sack in each hand, extending my arms straight out to my sides and holding them there as long as I could. 

After a few weeks I moved up to 10-lb. potato sacks, then 50-lb. potato sacks, and finally, 100-lb. potato sacks.

Finally I got to where I could lift a 100-lb. potato sack in each hand and hold my arms straight out for more than a full minute. 

NEXT, I started putting a few potatoes in the sacks, but I would caution you not to over do it at this level. GOOD LUCK 

A man went to the Underwear Company for his 3rd interview.

The manager says, “If you can answer these 3 questions right, the job is yours!  We package our underwear in 5 packs, 7 packs and 12 packs……why?”

The man thinks for a moment and replies, “The 5 packs are for french women, they don’t wear underwear on the weekend!

The 7 packs are for American women, they change their underwear everyday!

And the 12 packs are for men! They only change their underwear once a month!!” 

Once upon a time there was a king who had a beautiful daughter.

One day a young prince from a nearby kingdom came by for a visit.

That night, after everyone had gone to bed, the prince snuck out of his room and entered the princess’ room.

She said, “What are you doing in my room? Leave immediately or I will call my father!”

The Prince said, “Don’t be frightened.  I am not going to hurt you. You are so beautiful.  I just want to kiss you and hold you.” He kissed her lips and here and there and everywhere. Soon he had gone where no man had gone before.  They were enthusiastically doing the nasty.

After he finished, he rolled over and relaxed.

She said, “Wow!  That was fun.  Let’s do it again.”

He climbed back in the saddle for a few seconds.  Then again rolled over and relaxed.

She said, “That was so good.  We have to do it again.”

He wasn’t very enthusiastic, but he just managed to rise again to the occasion.  He then rolled over and again tried to relax.

She said, “Come on, let’s do it again.”

The prince said, “Leave me alone or I will call your father.”

I am so sick and tired of listening to debate stuff.  Izzy hadn’t heard the debate and is replaying it in the background as I’m writing this right now and I’m getting angry as I sit here listening to these two CHILDREN arguing with each other.  What a mess this country is in right now!

BUT IT’S NOT THE BEST PERFORMING ECONOMY IN THE WORLD!!!!!  You have to stop reading your own press releases.

Oh, and by the way, I’m just pushing these political ones out in the order that they are lined up.  Normally, I try to  push a theme or a tone, but today, I can’t.  So, as they are lined up, that’s how they are coming out.

And that last one annoys the CRAP out of me!  How can anyone say that it’s unfair to expect someone to produce ID to vote?  That boggles my mind.  It’s unfair for us to keep you from cheating?  Sorry about that.

Illinois, Des Plaines Law 

Wheelbarrows with For-Sale signs may not be chained to trees.

SIGNS THAT YOU MAY BE SUFFERING FROM DEPRESSION 

You’ve got enough Prozac in your purse to tranquilize King Kong.

You really lose it whenever someone says, “Good morning.”

You spend more time in bed than a hooker at a Shriners convention.

You keep your house so dark that mushrooms are growing in the carpet.

Given a choice, you’d have no preference between sex or a root canal.

On a really bad day, you wouldn’t come to the door if it was Publishers Clearing House. 

Alcohol gives you strength and food settles your nerves. 

Your hands shake so badly that you can brush your teeth  without any voluntary movement. 

Autopsy Club?  Really?  I have some serious questions… I’m going to have to do some research…

A golfer and his buddies were playing a big round of golf for $200.

At the eighteenth green the golfer had a ten foot putt to win the round, and the $200. 

As he was lining up his putt, a funeral procession started to pass by.

The golfer set down his putter, took his hat off, placed it over his chest, and waited for the funeral procession to pass. 

After it passed, he picked up his putter and returned to lining up his putt, and completed it, thus winning the game and the money. 

Afterwards, one of his buddies said, “That was the most touching thing I have ever seen. 

I can’t believe you stopped playing, possibly losing your concentration, to pay your respects.” 

“Well,” said the golfer, “we were married for 25 years.” 

That’s pretty cool!

At the grocery store in the 1960s.

And the final round up…

Okay, so I thought this was crazy and nonsense.  Then I tried it.  Then I thought it was just me, so I had Izzy Dragon try it.  Thumb over the pinky and thumb under the pinky…here’s our results:

So obviously the two of us are part of the 99%.

So, that’s an unusual place to put that one away, but it is where we are stopping for this issue.

I want to say that I’m quite far behind in answering my personal emails, and in replying to some of the comments on the blog site.  First, I have to say Thank you to Leah for the great coffee mug that is currently sitting on the desk in my office at work.  I should have taken a picture of it before the weekend but I forgot.  But, I love it and thank you very much.

David D.  sent us this great story on 10 cent beer night, but sent it to the comments and I missed it until I went back and checked the comments again just now, so here it is for your enjoyment.

Awesome story!  Thanks David!  It’s easier to contribute by sending stuff to: impishdragon@dragonlaffs.com 

Steve H. pointed out that Whales are not fish and give live birth and don’t lay eggs and says that he’s sure that he won’t be the only one to point this out.  That was in reference to the two egg picture of the chicken egg and the whale egg.  And although I thought something was wrong with that one, some niggled in the back of my mind about whales having live birth, I didn’t question it.  And sadly Steve, you were the only one to mention it.

Christ wrote and said: 

I too am appalled at the piss poor immigration policy and things like the murder of 12-year-old Jocelyn Nungaray, BUT…I don’t fault Biden.

Immigration policy is Congress and congress had agreed upon a GOOD immigration bill…BUT Trump told the house not to pass it

So, I blame Trump …and as ex military the thing that frosts me the most about Trump is the casual mishandling of classified documents

Chris

None of them and I do mean NONE of them have handled classified documents to my satisfaction.  I dare say that I could walk into any of their offices and find everything from PII to classified sitting out and unsecured.  It is absurd.  Secret email servers, anonymous email addresses, documents lying around in boxes, in closets…are you kidding me!

I think we would disagree on the definition of a GOOD immigration bill, but on the rest, I agree with you in spirit, if not in fact.  I’m disgusted with the lot of them.

And for the others, I’m sorry and will try and get to them when I can.  My biggest goal is to entertain and to get this monkey off my back.  That is only done by writing.  I have a thing that must be told and it’s stuck.  I will try to work on that later.  For now, let me just say

I’m not sure how this is going to work out.  Whether this is going to be done for Friday morning or for Saturday.  Either way, you are going to get an issue.

Before we get started today, I wanted to share something with you that I shared on Facebook.  I don’t share a lot of things on FB, but when I do, it’s usually something cleanly funny, or … something like this.  Something that struck me really hard. 

A little background first.  I bought a book, actually I bought three copies of the book because I plan on giving two copies away.  One to a person who I already know will appreciate it a lot and another to someone in the future when the Spirit tells me the person either needs it or will appreciate it.  It is the book of Psalms as commentated by Charles H. Spurgeon. 

Now, Charles Spurgeon (19 Jun 1834 to 31 Jan 1892) was an “English Particular Baptist Preacher.”   Now, I had to look that up.  A Particular Baptist, among other things, believes that the atonement of Christ’s death would work itself out only for the elect and no atonement was provided for the reprobate.  It goes much deeper into Calvinism and the beliefs from there, but him and I differ strongly at that point, so I quit investigating what a “Particular Baptist” was.  Anyway, Charles Spurgeon was, and to some extent, still is, an incredibly influential preacher, orator and writer.  He wrote commentary on each of the 150 Psalms, and someone put them together in a nice little book. 

That I bought.

Three copies of.

And one particular phrase from one particular commentary really struck me this morning and I had to share my own commentary on his commentary.  Here it is as it appeared:

Charles Spurgeon was speaking on Psalm 12, but I wonder if he wasn’t also counseling us, a future generation when he beautifully said, “It should be our daily prayer that we may rise above our age as the mountaintops above the clouds and may stand out as heaven-pointing pinnacles high above the mists of ignorance and sin that roll around us.”

We need to be the shining example to those who don’t see. As my partner in ministry said the other night at the jail, we mustn’t hide our light under a basket.

I pray that we are all “heaven-pointing pinnacles” in our actions and words that we might be the good and faithful servants or our Lord.

What a phrase…”heaven-pointing pinnacles”… picturing bursting through the smog and dirt of the world and leaping skyward toward heaven.  I just let the images roll across my mind and my spirit this morning and revealed in the beauty of a well-turned phrase.

Maybe it’s the writer in me that enjoyed it so much with that tiny bit of sinful covetousness whispering, “I wish I had said that.”

Now, on with the show.

Stephanie sent this next one in to us.  It’s called “Sit With Me”

“You got hammered at the bar on Saturday but came to church on Sunday….You can sit with me. You’re right where you need to be.

You’re a drug addict but came to church on Sunday….You can sit with me. You’re right where you need to be.

You’re divorced, and the last church you attended condemned you for it…. 

You can sit with me. You’re right where you need to be.

You’ve had an abortion and it’s slowly eating away at your heart, but you came to church on Sunday….You can sit with me. You’re right where you need to be.

You’ve been unfaithful to your spouse but came to church on Sunday….You can sit with me. You’re right where you need to be.

Here’s the thing, people don’t come to church on Sunday for you to sit in the pew and quietly judge them because you feel that you’re somehow better than them.

People come to church because in their deepest, darkest, most painful moments, they heard about a man named Jesus who could save their soul and they’d like to know Him.”

Mark 2:17

On hearing this, Jesus said to them, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.”

My front door

All the time!

This next one is also from our dear friend Stephanie!

Yup!

Okay, so it was an old joke, but it’s still funny.

NHRA legend John Force hospitalized in ICU after fiery crash at Virginia Nationals – Yahoo Sports

Okay, clicking on the title should bring you to the article, but in case it doesn’t, click HERE

My assistants screwing off rather than working, LIKE THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO BE!!!

Really, REALLY, REALLY need to change the name of this!

This is AWESOME!  Thanks to Lynn for sending this one in.

What in the world is a 3% “Honest To Goodness Fee” and a Harmonized Sales Tax?

https://www.yahoo.com/news/nyc-dad-outraged-over-plan-190026717.html

At a boat rental concession, the manager went to the lake’s edge and yelled through his megaphone, “Number 99, come in, please. Your time is up.” Several minutes passed, but the boat didn’t return. “Boat number 99,” he again hollered, “return to the dock immediately or I’ll have to charge you overtime.”

“Something is wrong here, boss,” his assistant said. “We only have 75 boats. There is no number 99.”

The manager thought for a moment and then raised his mega-phone.

“Boat number 66!” he yelled. “Are you having trouble out there?”

Stephen B. sent me a picture of his first car.  Here’s what he said:

I thought I might share a picture of my very first car, a 1970 Dodge Challenger R/T.  (Not my actual car in the picture.)  I was 18 years old, already working for the NYC Transit Authority, and it cost $4.998.00 (if I remember correctly.)  Gas was 34 cents a gallon and boy did this car eat up gas!  

So, I thought I’d share my first car, which was a 1967 Plymouth Barracuda that I paid $100.  This picture is DEFINITELY not my car, but I loved mine to actual death.  Drove the wheels off it.

I actually searched through the house through the old photo albums because I was sure I had a picture of it somewhere.  I found some interesting pictures of me in the air force, but none of the car.  I’ll need to scan some of the others in sometime and show you some of them.

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter. 

– Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965) 

Maryland Laws 

It’s illegal to mistreat oysters.

SIGNS THAT CHILDHOOD IS OVER 

*Just one peanut butter and jelly sandwich doesn’t do it anymore.

*Driving a car doesn’t always sound like fun. 

*The average 10-year-old doesn’t have a clue who Bo and Luke Duke are.

*Being bad is no longer cool. 

*You have friends who have kids. 

*Saturday mornings are for sleeping. 

*You are taller than the slide at the McDonald’s playland. 

*Your parents’ jokes are now funny. 

*You have owned, and since disowned, Michael Jackson’s “Thriller.” 

*You would rather wear your dirty clothes again, cuz mom is not there to do your laundry anymore. 

*Naps are good. 

*You once deemed Space Invaders as “The best game ever.”

*You actually buy scarves, gloves, and sunscreen. 

*You leave concerts and ballgames early to beat the crowd. 

*You want clothes for Christmas. 

*You look in the surveillance camera monitor at the convenience store, wonder who that guy is standing at the counter with the bald spot, and then realize it’s a shot of you from behind. 

The Policeman had stopped the man for obvious drunken driving, but since the guy had a clean record, made him park the car and took him home in the patrol car. 

“Are you sure this is your house?” the cop asked as they drove into a rather fashionable neighborhood. 

“Shertainly.” said the drunk, “and if you’ll just open the door f’me, I can prove it to ya.” 

Entering the living room, he said ” You shee that piano ? Thash mine. You shee that giant television set ? Thast mine too. Now follow me.” 

The police officer followed the man as he shakily negotiated the stairs to the second floor. 

The drunk pushed open the first door they came to. “Thish ish my bedroom,” he announced. “Shee the bed there ? Thast mine ! Shee that woman lying in the bed ? Thash my wife. An’ see that guy lying next to her ? 

“Yeah ?” the cop replied suspiciously. Beginning at this point to seriously doubt the man’s story. 

“Well, thash me !” 

Understanding Investments 

STOCK: A magical piece of paper that is worth $33.75 until the moment you buy it.  It will then be worth $8.50. 

BOND: What you had with your spouse until you pawned his/her golf clubs to invest in Amazon.com. 

BROKER: The person you trust to help you make major financial decisions. Please note the first five letters of this word spell “Broke”.

BEAR: What your trade account and wallet will be when you take a flyer on that hot stock tip your secretary gave you. 

BULL: What your broker uses to explain why your mutual funds tanked during the last quarter. 

MARGIN: Where you scribble the latest quotes when you’re supposed to be listening to your manager’s presentation. 

SHORT POSITION: A type of trade where, in theory, a person sells stocks he doesn’t actually own.  Since this also only ever works in theory, a short position is what a person usually ends up being in (i.e.  “The rent, sir? Hahaha, well, I’m a little short this month.”).

COMMISSION: The only reliable way to make money on the stock market, which is why your broker charges you one. 

YAK: What you do into a pail when you discover your stocks have plunged and your broker is making a margin call. 

Okay, my dear loving daughter is trying to kill me.  I worked all day today, rushed home before it started raining to mow the lawn so that I could finish up this Dragon Laffs since I’ve been so busy all week.  I come in the house and ask her to take the dogs out and feed them and she’s in the middle of doing her nails, so I said I’d take care of it, although it’s getting late, so I take care of the dogs, come back in and sit down at the laptop and she begs me to take her to the grocery store so we can go shopping so we won’t have to go tomorrow.  She BEGS me.  So, being the dad that I am, I give in and take her to the grocery store, where we spend way too much money and then have to put all the groceries away and now it’s getting late and I finally sit down to work and realize I haven’t had a single piece of real food to eat all day so I figure (oh, I forgot, in between there, I cleaned the tub with this special stuff we bought at the store because I didn’t want her doing it), anyway, I figure she owes me and can make me dinner and I look over and she’s sound asleep in her chair!

Unbelievable!  

So, being the kind and understanding dad that I am, what did I do?

I woke her butt up!

Well, I’m sure the big political news on everyone’s plate this morning is the debate.  Should have just called it the debacle!  What a mess!  For my money, neither one of them behaved “presidentially.”  Can’t we just throw these two fish back in the ocean and cast our lines back in again?  I would say that Trump did better than Biden or maybe it would be better said that Biden did worse than Trump.  If these are the only two choices than I suppose I would rather have Trump than Biden, but not by much.

I tried to find this on youtube so you could watch it yourself, but it’s only on tiktok, which I hate, but you have to watch this.  You have probably already seen it by now, but watch it again anyway.  This guy reorders an order from Walmart that he had from 2022…well, just click on this link HERE!

In two years.  

Two years!

That is NOT 8% inflation folks.  That’s like 300% inflation! (328% to be exact!)

Okay, those were some that were sent in by you guys that I found real quick.  

ROFLMAO!!!

Let’s face it, the whole place is full of hypocrites, liars, and thieves! 

Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for six days. Eventually, Michael the archangel found him, resting on the seventh day.

He inquired of God, “Where have you been?” 

God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, “Look Michael, look what I’ve made.”

Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, “What is it?” 

“It’s a planet,” replied God, “and I’ve put LIFE on it. I’m going to call it Earth and it’s going to be a great place of balance.” 

“Balance?” inquired Michael, still confused. 

God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth, “For example, Northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth while Southern Europe is going to be poor. Over there I’ve placed a continent of white people and over there is a continent of black people.”

God continued, pointing to different countries. “This one will be extremely hot and arid while this one will be very cold and covered in ice.”

The Archangel, impressed by Gods work, then pointed to a large land mass in the top corner and asked, “What’s that one?”

“Ah,” said God. “That’s Canada, the most glorious place on Earth. There are beautiful mountains, lakes, rivers, streams and an exquisite coastline. The people from Canada are going to be modest, intelligent and humorous and they’re going to be found traveling the world. They’ll be extremely sociable, hard working and high-achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats and carriers of peace. I’m also going to give them superhuman, undefeatable ice hockey players who will be admired and feared by all who come across them.”

Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed, “What about balance, God? You said there would be BALANCE!”

God replied wisely,

“Wait until you see the loud-mouth bastards I’m putting next to them.”

Maybe I’m showing my age…but aren’t they the “Where’s the beef?” ladies?

Yup!

(Man, I’m good!)

Massachusetts  Law

All men must carry a rifle to church on Sunday.

We’re going to finish off today’s issue with a new section that will run until I run out of these pictures.  Some of these are pretty good.

That’s it for those for today. One final meme set and I’m going to call it a night.  I still have some work to do before I can hit the sack.  Feel free to send in interesting historical photos to add to my collection to extend this section a bit further.

SIGNS THAT SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH YOUR MARRIAGE 

* The FBI is regularly called in to settle arguments. 

* You have his n’ hers bathrooms. 

* New jars have appeared in the kitchen, labelled “Anthrax” and “Cyanide.” 

* Sex is scheduled for a Thursday evening in the boring bit between the news and the late night sports show. 

* Your in-laws are placing bets on who will get the house. 

* Your spouse has a picture of you hanging on the dartboard. 

* Family outings consist of you being chased out of the house by your spouse with a carving knife. 

* You are desperate for your in-laws to visit so you can have someone else on which to vent your sarcastic remarks. 

* Your spouse no longer reads novels in bed but stays up late studying the small print in your life insurance policy.

And that’s that …

May God Bless you and keep you and may He shine His face upon you. and remember…