Okay, so I was on the fence about bringing this up at all since I have been a bit remiss lately about being able to offer you guys my best effort in Dragon Laffs because of how busy I’ve been and what’s been going on in my life, but the deal was that I would continue doing this as long as the donations came in to cover the expenses.  

September is the month where the bills come due and I had forgotten all about it until I got an email from WordPress reminding me.  Honestly, I thought they were supposed to give me a 30 warning, not a two day warning, but it’ll be okay.

This may be my only plug for donations and either I get enough to cover the bill and we continue to struggle along for the foreseeable future or I don’t and we … I don’t know.   A buck or two from everyone would do it.  It costs more than that to get a cup of coffee.

You can go to the website at dragonlaffs.com and on the right hand column towards the top, just a little bit down you’ll see this:

If you click on that on the web page it will take you to the paypal site to donate.  Or if you want, you can just click HERE and it will take you to the same place.  Now, I’ve been using that for donations for … oh … I don’t know … fifteen years or so, but I understand that there are some people who just don’t like to use paypal or credit cards or numerous other things.  If you are one of them and would like to send something by snail mail or even … let me think of some of the other ways I’ve done this with people … um Venmo, although I don’t have a CLUE how to set that up, Zelle with someone once, I can’t think of anything else, but if you want to try something let me know or if you want my address, email me at impishdragon@dragonlaffs and I’ll respond because obviously I’m not going to post my address here so all the people I’ve ticked off can burn something on my front lawn or shoot at me as I leave for work in the morning.

Anyway, there’s my bid.  It’s time to donate if you guys want.  I’d appreciate it a lot.  I do work hard on this and your thanks and nice words are more important to me than your money by far!  But, your help paying the bills sure doesn’t hurt. 

Now let’s laugh.

The newly-married husband came home from the office to find his young wife in floods of tears. “Darling, whatever is the matter?” he asks.

“Sweetheart,” she sobs, “the most terrible thing has happened! I cooked my very first Beef Bourguignon for you, and I got it out the oven to season it, and the phone rang. When I came back from answering the phone,” she sobbed again, “I found that the cat had eaten it!”

“Don’t worry, darling,” said her husband. “Don’t cry. We’ll get a new cat in the morning…”

This sign not seen in Indiana

Montana  Law

It is a felony for a wife to open her husband’s mail

I was shopping the other day and wound up face to face with this drop dead gorgeous blonde. Talk about *built*.

I couldn’t help but just stare, leer and lust might be better words, at her, so much so that my mouth damn near dropped open and I was almost drooling. 
– 
The blonde caught me staring and rightly suspected I wasn’t just admiring her outfit. – She said, “Are you often troubled by indecent thoughts?” 

Smiling, I replied, “No, ma’am. Not troubled at all. Actually, to be completely honest, I rather enjoy them.”

Granny was visiting town for the first time. She checks in at the hotel, and the bellboy takes her bags. She follows the boy, and as the door closes, she looks around and shakes her fist at him.

“Young man, I may be old, and straight from the hills, but that don’t mean I’m stupid! I paid good money, and this room won’t do at all! It’s too small, and without proper ventilation! Why there’s not even a bed!”

The bellhop looks at her and says, “Ma’am, this isn’t your room, it’s the elevator.”

That they felt they had to put up a sign because it happened that often is amazing to me.

Guy : Doctor, my Girlfriend is pregnant but we always use protection and the rubber never broke. How is it possible?

Doctor : Let me tell you a story: “There was once a Hunter who always carried a gun wherever he went. One day he took out his Umbrella instead of his Gun and went out. A Lion suddenly jumped infront of him. In order to scare the Lion, the Hunter used the Umbrella like a Gun, and shot the Lion, then it died!

Guy : Nonsense! Someone else must have shot the Lion..

Doctor : Good! You understood the story. Next patient please..

That would make a GREAT wedding band!

My daughter asked me one time, “Daddy, before you married Mommy, who told you how to drive ?” 

Passing an office building late one night, a pale-haired woman saw a sign that said “Press bell for night watchman.” 

She did so, and after several minutes she heard the watchman clomping down the stairs. 

The uniformed man proceeded to unlock first one gate, then another, shut down the alarm system, and finally made his way through the revolving door. 

“Well,” he snarled at the blonde, “what do you want?”

“I just wanted to know why you can’t ring it for yourself.” 

Again, no theme, no undertones, just in order as they are lined up in my files.  Just because I don’t want to try and figure it out.

Me too

And you could say the same thing about Trump’s Personality test

A guy was in New York on a business trip and decided to head to a local bar for a drink. Standing outside the bar was a nun holding a tin cup. 

As the man threw a few bucks into her cup the nun launched into a long tirade about the evils of alcohol. She went on and on about how alcohol was tearing apart the fabric of society and how it was the root of all the city’s problems. 

Slightly pissed off at having to listen to this the guy said, “Listen sister, I work hard for my money and sometimes at the end of a long day I like a drink or two. That doesn’t make me a bad person. I have a wife I idolize and two wonderful kids at home. I provide for my family, I volunteer my time to several local service clubs and I contribute regularly to various charities. Yet you stand here and condemn me just because I drink the occasional glass of scotch!” 

The nun was slightly taken aback and replied, “I see your point my son and I apologize if I offended you but the alcohol is such a powerful demon that all who consume it are doomed…” 

“Look there you go again,” said the man, “How can you make such a sweeping statement. Have you ever even TRIED alcohol?”

“Of course not!” gasped the nun, “The evil alcohol has never touched my lips.” 

“Do you really think that one glass of booze can change you from a devout nun to some kind of evil degenerate?” 

“Well, I really don’t know ….” 

“I’ll tell you what, come into the bar with me and I’ll buy you a drink. One drink. I’ll prove to you that “evil” is not inside the glass, it’s inside the person.” 

“Oh I could never be seen going into such a den of inequity, it’s out of the question. However, your comment about evil residing in the person rather than the glass is quite intriguing. I must admit you’ve aroused a curiosity in me.” 

“Well let’s go inside and settle this” 

“No my son, I could never enter such a place… but how about this. Take my tin cup with you and fill it with this “scotch” you mentioned. Bring it out to me and I’ll try it.” 

“You’re on!” said the guy. 

The nun removed all the change and handed him the tin cup. He went into the bar and said to the bartender, “Two scotch on the rocks, and could you put one of them in this tin cup please” 

The bartender sighed and said, “Is that nun out there again?” 

This one is really quite interesting…

And that’s it for this issue my friends.  I hope you enjoyed it.  See you next time.

So the Whelpling and I went out riding last night and I was on my trike for the first time.  It was registered, insured and all set.  Before we set out we changed the oil and the filter, gave it the once over and we idled slowly down to the church parking lot where we expected to spend an hour or so tooling around for me to get used to it.

Having not been on a bike for about 40 years it took all of about 10 minutes and I was used to it.  Not to say that I didn’t make stupid mistakes – at one point I left the key on and killed the battery while he and I talked and he had to push start me to get me going again, but afterward it kept a charge just fine.

Anyway, got on the road and rode for a couple of hours, got on a MINOR highway and got it up to 70 mph, got on some curvy roads, bumpy roads, really went all over and I feel very confident that I now am skilled enough to get myself killed if I don’t stay very sharp and pay attention at all times.

I bought a GOOD helmet with bluetooth that hooks up to my phone that I will not hook up until I am much more comfortable.  I’m trying to be good.

Now, I have like NO time this weekend.  I’m behind on my homework for class, on my emails, and most especially on Dragon Laffs.  Today is Saturday, I did not go out riding today like I wanted to.  I’m going to work on this for just a little while and then I have to go to bed because I have to get up extra early tomorrow, so let’s see how much we can get done in just a short time.

I came in the other evening and this is what I found.  That’s Izzy and Pepper and you can just barely see Willow’s ear sticking out of her cage right above Izzy’s head.  They were all sound asleep.  I just had to take a picture.

Oh, by the way, Izzy turns 23 in just a few days! 

Yup

Pilots Live Through Miracle Landing After Their Aircraft Crashes Into Busy Road Without Hitting Cars

New Process ‘Vaporizes’ Plastic Bags and Bottles to Help Make Recycled Materials

True Story of Penguin’s Annual Return to See the Man Who Saved it From Oil Spill is Now a Feature Film (See Trailer)

The Scottish horror story of Sawney Bean and the cannibal clan who dragged victims back to their cave to eat

Got a wonderful email from our dear friend in South Africa!

Good afternoon Impish

CONGRATULATIONS!! Only 32000 k’s – barely run in. Looks very good.

May you have many, many happy and safe hours on your bike.

Me and Antionette (The BOSS) on our V-MAX en route to the Paradise Rally in Graskop, Mapumalanga.

Groete

Wouter

Thank you my friend, what a great picture that is!  I just had to share it!  You guys look great!

9-11 is in just a few days.  I’m not going to make a big deal out of it because it just ticks me off.  They killed so many of our people and we have been pandering to them for the past several years.  They need to be wiped off the face of the earth.  All terrorists do.  You want to fight a war, okay, let’s fight a war, but killing innocents – women and children – you are a coward.  You do not serve God.  You are the scum at the bottom of the pan.  

See…

I’m getting angry.

God will deal vengeance.  

But we…WE…need to treat all terrorists as the dog vomit that they are.  You want to hide behind innocent women and children? Set up in hospitals and schools? Make your own brothers and sisters stay in place in the hopes that they won’t attack you there?  I’ll bet you feel so brave.  I’ll bet your god is so proud of you.

My God, the true God, will deal with you.

I’m done.

15 WEIRD HISTORICAL FACTS

---

BY Mansib Ahmad

History is incredibly vast. It can be easy to miss or forget some events, dates and people. 

These facts are so weird, though, they might stick around your brain for a while.

1. During the 19th Century, a popular medicine for children known as ‘Mrs. Winslow’s Soothing Syrup’, which promised to “allay all pains” was heavily laced with morphine. 

For the other 14 facts, click here…or the title.

Before Playboy, there was Flossie

Check out the article by clicking on the title.

I’m almost out of time for this one and I’m about half asleep, so no themes, no agenda, just pictures in a row, however they come up…

Last week my wife and I purchased a new computer. 

We ran into some difficulties while setting it up so we decided to call the customer support phone number we found in the manual. 

I picked up the phone and called the number. A man answered the phone and I explained the problem to him. 

He began rattling off computer jargon. This confused us even more.

“Sir,” I said politely, “Can you explain what I should do as if I were a small child?” 

“Okay,” the computer support guy said, “Son, could you please put your mommy on the phone?” 

Two builders (Chas and Dave) are seated either side of a table in a rough pub when a well-dressed man enters, orders a beer and sits on a stool at the bar.

The two builders start to speculate about the occupation of the suit.

Chas: -I reckon he’s an accountant.
Dave: -No way, he’s a stockbroker.
Chas: -He ain’t no stockbroker! A stockbroker wouldn’t come in here!

The argument repeats itself for some time until the volume of beer gets the better of Chas and he makes for the toilet. On entering the toilet he sees that the suit is standing at a urinal. Curiosity and the several beers get the better of the builder…

Chas: -Scuse me…. no offence meant, but me and me mate were wondering what you do for a living?
Suit: -No offence taken! I’m a Logical Scientist by profession!

Chas: -Oh! What’s that then?
Suit: -I’ll try to explain by example…Do you have a goldfish at home?

Chas: -Er…mmm… well yeah, I do as it happens!
Suit: -Well, it’s logical to follow that you keep it in a bowl or in a pond. Which is it?

Chas: -It’s in a pond!
Suit: -Well then it’s reasonable to suppose that you have a large garden then?
Chas: -As it happens, yes I have got a big garden!

Suit: -Well then it’s logical to assume that in this town that if you have a large garden that you have a large house?
Chas: -As it happens I’ve got a five bedroom house… built it myself!

Suit: -Well given that you’ve built a five bedroom house it is logical to assume that you haven’t built it just for yourself and you are quite probably married?
Chas: -Yes I am married, I live with my wife and three children!

Suit: -Well then it is logical to assume that you are sexually active with your wife on a regular basis?
Chas: -Yep! Four nights a week!

Suit: -Well then it is logical to suggest that you do not masturbate very often?
Chas: -Me? Never

Suit: -Well there you are! That’s logical science at work!
Chas: -How’s that then?

Suit: -Well from finding out that you had a goldfish, I’ve told you about the size of garden you have, the size of house, your family and your sex life!
Chas: -I see! That’s pretty impressive… thanks mate!

Both leave the toilet and Chas returns to his mate.

Dave: -I see the suit was in there. Did you ask him what he does?
Chas: -Yep ! He’s a logical scientist!

Dave: -What’s that then?
Chas: -I’ll try and explain. Do you have a goldfish?

Dave: -Nope
Chas: -Well then, you’re a wanker

Mississippi Laws

Adultery or Fornication (living together while not married or having sex with someone that is not your spouse) results in a fine of $500 and/or 6 months in prison.

Slips of the Lips:

Pat Glenn – Weightlifting Commentator: “This is Gregori Ava from Bulgaria…. I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing.”

Ted Walsh – Horse Racing Commentator: “This is really a lovely horse, I once rode her mother.”

Murray Walker: “The lead car is absolutely unique, except for the one behind it which is identical.”

Greg Norman: “I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father.”

Alan Minter: “Sure there have been injuries and deaths in boxing but none of them serious.”

Terry Venables: “If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again”

Ron Atkinson: “He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn’t like it – you can see it all over their faces.”

Harry Carpenter – BBC TV Boat Race 1977: “Ah, isn’t that nice, the wife of the Cambridge president is kissing the cox of the Oxford crew.

Metro Radio: “Julian Dicks is everywhere. It’s like they’ve got eleven Dicks on the field.”

David Coleman at the Montreal Olympics: “There goes Juantorena down the back straight, opening his legs and showing his class.”

US TV Commentator: “One of the reasons Arnie [Arnold Palmer] is playing so well is that, before each tee-shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them… Oh my God, what have I just said?”

Two guys were hiking in the mountains when they came across  an old mine shaft going straight down into the ground.

“Wow,” said the first guy. “I wonder how deep it is?”

“I dunno,” said the second. “Let’s find out.” With that, he  dropped a rock down the hole. They waited and waited, but  didn’t hear it hit bottom.

“Hmm. Let’s try a bigger rock,” said the first guy, and  tossed a watermelon-sized stone down the hole.

They waited  a couple of minutes, but didn’t hear it hit either. So,  they looked around for something bigger to throw down and  came across an old railroad tie, which they lifted together  and dumped down the hole. Then suddenly, as they waited to  hear it hit, a goat streaked between the two of them and  jumped straight down the mineshaft.

While they stood there scratching their heads in amazement,  a third guy came up the path and asked them if they’d seen  a goat.

“Yeah, just now,” said one of the first two guys. “It just  ran up and jumped down this hole.”

“Oh, well then it couldn’t have been my goat,” said the  third guy. “My goat was tied to an old railroad tie.”

That’s it my friends.  Out of steam, out of time, ready for bed.  Love to you all.

And today we have the very first ever guest header!  Thanks to Aussie Pete for sending in the above header that I like a whole lot!  Thanks Pete.  

That kind of opens the gate for the rest of you.  Anyone else who’d like to send in a submission (of any kind) can send it to:

Well…I have news… of a sort.  I’ve made a purchase that I’m a little trepidatious about.  Now, before you get the wrong idea, I’m excited as can be, but it’s been a LONG time.

It’s a 2003 Suzuki 800 trike.  It’s in fantastic shape with only a little over 20K miles on it.  It’s a trike, so I don’t have to worry about holding it up or balancing it (which would be my real worries).  By the time you read this I should have it registered and insured and I’m hoping that doesn’t cost me too much a month, just to have a little fun.  My son drove it home, since he is completely licensed and now he says he wants one.  (He just bought a brand new Harley so I know he was just being nice).

So, Tuesday, after I get it insured and registered, I get to go out and play.  If I can find a place close to play in the parking lot at first to get used to it.  My church is just down the street…but it’s a busy highway of a street.  We’ll see.  More later.

Now, let’s get to laughing. 

Few people are aware that hundreds of Haggis were used to film the Star Trek episode, “The Trouble with Tribbles.”  Gene Roddenberry traveled to Scotland years prior to creating Star Trek, but later remembered seeing the wee beasties during his Scotland holiday and wanted to incorporate them, somehow, into one of the episodes he was writing, which eventually became, “The Hassle with Haggis.”  Lawsuits were filed over the use of the name ‘Haggis’, so Roddenberry, succumbing to pressure from studio execs, changed the name to ‘Tribbles’, and then the title of the episode as well.  The professional animal handlers for the series were ill prepared for the behavior and habits of Haggis, especially the flouncing. Filming of the episode took longer than expected, and several members of the cast and crew were injured due to mishandling of the Haggis.  When filming was complete, the Haggis were flown back to Scotland to resume their life in the Highlands.  No Haggis were harmed during the filming of this episode. 

Fun Fact:  The original script never stated that ‘Tribbles hated Klingons and that they would emit a piercing shriek and shiver with rage’.  The Haggis themselves behaved this way towards the actors who were dressed as Klingons as the Haggis had an aversion to the makeup the actors wore.  Roddenberry chose to amend his script to allow for this behavior, rather than change the actors’ makeup.

Yeah, I know…but you’ll have to go look them up  on line like I had to.

A minister was attending a men’s breakfast. He asked one of the older farmers in attendance to say the prayer that morning.

The farmer began, “Lord, I hate buttermilk.”

The pastor opened one eye and wondered to himself where this was going.

Then the farmer said, “Lord, I hate lard.”

Now the pastor was worried.

But the farmer prayed on, “And Lord, you know I don’t care much for raw flour.”

As the pastor was about to stop everything the farmer continued, “But Lord, when you mix ‘em all together and bakes ‘em up, I do love me those fresh biscuits.

So Lord, when things come up we don’t like, when life gets hard, when we just don’t understand what you are saying to us, we just need to relax and wait ‘til You are done fixin’ and probably it will be something even better than biscuits.”

Oh, so very, very true!

I was just contacted by a very old and dear friend that I used to dispatch with.  He is still in the business.  He told me that they just lost one of their officers who died in their sleep last night.  It’s not my place to mention names or places, but I will ask you all to say a prayer for his family.  His WHOLE family.  That includes the men and women he worked with, drove with, talked to on the radio, interacted with in the neighborhoods, the other first responders, the firemen, EMTs.  He contacted me because, even though it’s been about 18 years, I’m still connected.  Through my current job and through the blood that we’ve all shared.  So, when you guys are talking to God today, ask Him to give strength and comfort to this man’s family.  He’ll know who you’re talking about.

Quote:

I worship the quicksand he walks in.

Arthur Buchwald (1925 – 2007)

This is one of those things that as a writer I can honestly say, “Man!  I wish I had written that!”

Minnesota, Minneapolis Law

Double-parkers can be put on a chain gang. 

um….wow!

There were two old men sitting on a park bench. 

A blonde woman walks by. 

One old man says to the other one, “Ever sleep with a blonde?”

The other old man says, “Many a time. Many a time.” 

A brunette then walks by. The old man says to the other, “Ever sleep with a brunette?” 

The other old man says, “Many a time. Many a time.” 

A redhead walks by, and the old man says to the other, “Ever sleep with a redhead?” 

The other old man says, “Not a wink.”

A woman hears her husband cussing up a storm from behind the bathroom door. She knocks and says, “Honey, what is it?”  Her husband emerges from the bathroom and says, “The doctor prescribed suppositories for this stomach problem I’ve been having, and no matter what I do,  I just can’t get the little sucker up my ass. Even the doctor had to shove the first  one in to show me how it was done, and I tell you, it took forever for him to get  it up there…and it HURT!!!” 

“Poor baby,” says the wife. “You were probably nervous and tense, and he probably wasn’t very gentle with you. Here, let me give you the suppository – I don’t mind.” 

Still grumbling, the husband bends over. His wife puts her left hand on his left shoulder to brace him, and, with her right hand, quickly and easily slips the pill up her husband’s rear end. The husband suddenly lets out a bloodcurdling scream. 

“My God!” says the wife. “What happened? Did I hurt you?” 

“No!” cries the man. “But I just realized that when the doctor did it, he had both hands on my shoulders!” 

This is NOT going to work out well.

The Modern Toolbox 

Hammer 
In ancient times a hammer was used to inflict pain on ones enemies. Modern hammers are used to inflict pain on oneself. 

Screwdriver 
The drink ordered at the local bar after you call in a professional repairman to undo the $500 in damage you did while trying to change out a light socket with your handy screwdriver. 

Phillips Screwdriver 
The bar drink that you order when the damage estimate is over $1,000. Contains twice the vodka. 

Pliers 
A device used to extend your reach the necessary few inches when you drop a one-of-a-kind screw down  behind the new wall it took you two weeks to install. 

Multi-Pliers 
Contain a handy assortment of sharp and dangerous tools. Best left in its leather sheath and worn on a homeowners belt to increase testosterone levels. 

Electronic Stud Finder 
An annoying device that never goes off when you point it at yourself.

Halogen Light 
A worklight that lights up your backyard with the incandescence of a football stadium, causing you to cast a heavy shadow over the area you’re working on so that you need to use a flashlight anyway. 

Cordless Drill 
A device that lessens your chance of electrocution 90% over a standard plug-in tool. 

Cordless Telephone 
The handyman’s 999. 

Air Compressor 
A mechanical device similar in principal to harnessing the power of your mother-in-laws nagging complaints and using the resulting airflow to blast old paint off the side of the house. 

Chain saw 
Allows you to cut your way out of the shed that you accidentally built completely around yourself. 

Vise Grips 
A pair of helping hands that doesn’t critique the job you’re doing or offer advice. 

At this point I have two choices because of the week I’ve had and and the weekend I’m going to have.  I can end this here and send it out so you have it on Thursday or I can try to finish it so you have it for Monday when I’m working all weekend.

What I just decided I’m going to do is end this here, send it out so you have something for tomorrow.  Go to bed and try my best to put something together for Monday.  I’m so busy I haven’t even had a chance to play with my new toy, that I want to play with SOOOO much.  I have 50 emails to go through and so much work to do.

This is getting hard, guys.  I’m sorry that you guys are getting the short end of the stick.

Until next time….May God Bless you and keep you and smile His face upon you.

Been studying all day…for all kinds of stuff.  Some of which you MIGHT find out about in the next episode if everything works out.  

We’ll see.

In the meantime, I’ve got my second lesson in FBI tonight.  I’m ready, I’ve got my whole week’s worth of homework done…and done properly.  I didn’t do it all at once or crammed together.  The only exception being that I did Tuesday’s and Wednesday’s on Tuesday.  Only so I could be one day ahead in case I needed to be.  That’s just the Emergency Manager in me planning ahead for emergencies.  My only hope is that we are given time to discuss the homework portion since the real “lesson” is all on DVD.  There is very little interaction amongst the students.

If it stays that way I’m going to have to fix that.

Being the teacher/instructor/facilitator that I am, I already have plans…and there’s only been one lesson.

So, right now, I’m making quesadillas for Izzy for dinner before I leave for class and getting Monday’s issue started.  As busy as the next couple of days are likely to be if I get a chance to work a little bit each day I just may barely make it in time.

So, let’s get this party started… 

I really think we’ve seen this one before, but the story is so good, it’s worth repeating

Town Made A Pact To Get Rid Of A Bully Once And For All And Kept It Quiet For Over 30 Years

Ken Rex McElroy, a name that could evoke fear and anger among the residents of Skidmore, Missouri, was notorious for his reign of terror over this small town. Known as a brute and a bully, McElroy’s life and ultimate death have become a stark reminder of what happens when justice fails a community.

It’s a really good story…keep reading here or click the title.

And exceedingly stupid

Wild Turkey mama and babies that I passed on my way to work a few weeks ago.

This is a tough story to read!  Not for the weak of stomach or heart.

Pilot sucked out of cockpit window as disaster struck 13 minutes into flight – Mirror Online

You should have a plan to study His Word every day.

And it’s supposed to start AFTER the Rapture.  So, don’t be here for it.

It blows my mind how things like this can happen, and you never hear anything about it! Last night on Ohio State’s campus a bunch of different churches joined together in a public place to worship.

All of the sudden Ohio State’s star Running Back Treyveon Henderson, Tight End Gee Scott Jr., JT Tuimoloau, and other Ohio State players joined the crowd in worship.

Pretty soon ice bath tubs were brought and filled, and Gee Scott Jr. Began preaching and baptizing his teammates. This isn’t the first time he’s had the privilege of baptizing a teammate, but being a witness to this event had to be one of the most amazing experiences ever

This comes just 2 weeks after over 25 players showed up to fall camp wearing custom OSU shirts that simply said “Jesus Won”. God is doing amazing things within this team, and it deserves to be publicized and praised.

Thanks for sharing this Lynn.

Okay, so I might just become an Ohio State Football fan!  I just found another article from a Christian news magazine that I get called The Stand (I get an electronic version and a print version) that has a great little article on the same thing that Lynn was telling us about.

Big Ten campus ‘busting at the seams’ for Jesus

I have no words

Just after the maid had been fired, she took five bucks from her purse and threw it to Fido, the family dog.

When asked why by her former employer, she answered, “I never forget a friend.

That was for helping me clean the dishes all the time!”

Every time the man next door headed toward Kevin’s house, Kevin knew he was coming to borrow something.

“He won’t get away with it this time,” muttered Kevin to his wife. “Watch this.”

“Er, I wonder if you’d be using your power-saw this morning,” the neighbour began.

“Gee, I’m awfully sorry,” said Kevin with a smug look, “but the fact of the matter is, I’ll be using it all day.”

“In that case,” said the neighbour, “you won’t be using your golf clubs, mind if I borrow them?”

I used to think I was poor.

Then they told me I wasn’t poor, I was needy.

Then they told me it was self-defeating to think of myself as needy.  I was deprived.

Then they told me that it was bad for my ego to think of myself as deprived, I was really underprivileged.

Then they told me that underprivileged was overused. I was disadvantaged.

I still don’t have a dime.  But I have a great vocabulary.

QUOTE: I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.

-Thomas Watson (1874-1956), Chairman of IBM, 1943

My sister wanted to marry a ghost, I can’t think what possessed her…

Michigan Law

Any person over the age of 12 may have a license for a handgun as long as he/she has not been convicted of a felony.

An exhausted looking man dragged himself in to the Doctor’s office. “Doctor, there are dogs all over my neighborhood. They bark all day and all night, and I can’t get a wink of sleep.”

“I have good news for you,” the doctor answered, rummaging through a drawer full of sample medications. “Here are some new sleeping pills that work like a dream. A few of these and your trouble will be over.”

“Great,” the man answered, “I’ll try anything. Let’s give it a shot.”

A few weeks later the man returned, looking worse than ever. “Doc, your plan is no good. I’m more tired than before!”

“I don’t understand how that could be”, said the doctor, shaking his head. “Those are the strongest pills on the market!”

“That may be true,” answered the man wearily, “but I’m still up all night chasing those dogs and when I finally catch one it’s hard getting him to swallow the pill!!!”

A woman was telling her friend, “It is I who made my husband a millionaire.” 

“And what was he before you married him?” asked the friend.

The woman replied, “A billionaire.” 

A Rabbi who was late for a golf game was rather curt with several people whose phone calls kept delaying him. 

The next day his secretary said “Rabbi, several members of the congregation were really upset with you when you cut them short yesterday.” 

At that point, a man who had been sitting within earshot in the reception room got up and departed hurriedly. 

“Who was that?” asked the Rabbi. 

“Oh, that was Mr. Ruthenberg.” she answered. “He wanted to speak to you about a circumcision for his son.” 

A Pennsylvania farmer was selling his peaches door to door. 

He knocked on a door and a shapely 40 something lady dressed in a very sheer negligee answered the door.

He raised his basket to show her the peaches and asked, “Would you like to buy some peaches?”
 
She pulled the top of the negligee to one side and asked, “Are they as firm as this?”
 
He nodded his head and said, “Yes ma’am,” and a little tear ran from his eye.
 
Then she pulled the other side of her negligee off asking, “Are they nice and pink like this?”
 
The farmer said, “Yes,”and another tear came from the other eye.
 
Then the lady unbuttoned the bottom of her negligee and asked, “Are they as fuzzy as this?”
 
He again said, “Yes,” and broke down crying.
 
The lady asked, “Why on earth are you crying?”
 
Drying his eyes he replied, “The drought got my corn, the flood got my soy beans, a tornado leveled my barn and now I’m gonna get screwed out of my peaches.”

Looks to me like the beaver is trying to get even

So, I wanted to show you guys two things before we quit.  Actually, I wanted to show you one thing and then I found something else that went along with it so well that Joe sent in that I decided to add to it.  So first, the thing from Joe that I am almost positive that we’ve seen before.  It’s a good story…

She had been out shopping with her Mom. She must have been 6 years old, this beautiful red haired,freckle faced image of innocence.  It was pouring outside. The kind of rain that gushes over the top of rain gutters, so much in a hurry to hit the earth it has no time to flow down the spout.

We all stood there under the awning and just inside the door near the exit. We waited, some patiently, others irritated because nature messed up their hurried day. I am always mesmerized by rainfall. I get lost in the sound and sight of the heavens washing away the dirt and dust of the world.

Memories of running, splashing so carefree as a child come pouring in as a welcome reprieve from the worries of my day. Her voice was so sweet as it broke the hypnotic trance we were all caught in.

“Mom, let’s run through the rain,” she said.

“What?” Mom asked.

“Let’s run through the rain!” She repeated.

“No, honey. We’ll wait until it slows down a bit,” Mom replied.

This young child waited about another minute and repeated: “Mom,let’s run through the rain.”

“We’ll get soaked if we do,” Mom said.

“No, we won’t, Mom. That’s not what you said this morning,” the young girl  said as she tugged at her Mom’s arm.

“This morning? When did I say we could run through the rain and not get wet?”

“Don’t you remember? When you were talking to Daddy about his cancer, you said, ‘If God can get us through this, he can get us through anything!'”

The entire crowd stopped dead silent. I swear you couldn’t hear anything but the rain. We all stood silently. No one came or left in the next few minutes. Mom paused and thought for a moment about what she would say.

Now some would laugh it off and scold her for being silly. Some might even ignore what was said. But this was a moment of affirmation in a young child’s life. A time when innocent trust can be nurtured so that it will bloom into faith.

“Honey, you are absolutely right. Let’s run through the  rain. If God lets us get wet, well maybe we just needed washing,” Mom said.

Then off they ran. We all stood watching, smiling and laughing as they darted past the cars and yes, through the puddles. They held their shopping bags over their heads just in case.

They got soaked. But they were followed  by a few who screamed and laughed like children all the way to their cars.

And yes, I did. I ran. I got wet. I needed washing.

Circumstances or people can take away your material possessions, they can take away your money, and they can take away your health. But no one can ever take away your precious memories…So, don’t forget to make time and take the opportunities to make memories every day!  Take time to run in the rain.

To everything there is a season and a time to every purpose under heaven.

A friend sent this to me to remind me of life, hope you enjoy it. I HOPE YOU STILL TAKE THE TIME TO RUN THROUGH THE RAIN.

Did you know, that until God made it rain for the flood with Noah, it never rained?  That was the first ever rain. 

The second thing I wanted to share with you guys was sent to me by buddy Wheats.  Wheats was my roommate when we were both in the barracks in Germany back in 1981-82.  So, I’ve known him for 42 years or so.  We talk or text almost every day.  He sent me this article.  This falls into that category that, as a writer I can honestly say, “Man!  I wish I had written that!”

Thanks to Joe and Wheats and to everyone who has contributed.  I have a lot of stuff to get done today, so I’m going to drop off here and wish you all God’s Blessings until we meet again.

What an interesting day so far today.  Church this morning was unusual.  Well, unusual isn’t the right word, but I’ll tell you what happened.  I was playing security today, like a do a lot of the Sundays and I got a Facebook request to be friends with someone and I recognized the name from one of the guys who was in our jail ministry.  He told me that he was going to get out and when he did he was going to come to church. 

Now a bunch of the guys have said the same thing and no one has ever shown up to OUR church.  Not to say they haven’t gone to another church, there are a BUNCH of them in our little town.  When I did a Google search for “churches in Peru”  it came up with 20.  That’s just in the town.  There are even more outside the town.  So, they could’ve gone to their own church and ours is by FAR not the largest (but I still think it’s the best… ← Church snobbery, lol).

Anyway, this guy asks me if I can pick him up and take him to church this morning.  So I asked one of the other security guys to cover me for a few minutes and go and pick him up and bring him to church AND he decides to join our Tuesday night group study (which he will REALLY get a lot out of) which is only on lesson two this coming Tuesday.  Very nice Sunday morning.

Got home and Izzy pointed out that behind Willow’s kennel in the living room there was an entire pack of dogs worth of hair piled up that was “out of sight, out of mind” because her kennel sits behind Izzy’s easy chair.  So the two of us pulled all that out and vacuumed, then vacuumed the rest of the downstairs, then did our normal Sunday chores which include taking the trash out (since the trash man comes on Monday morning), setting up my weekly medicine and ordering what I’m running out of, getting my classes and bags ready for the week (yes, I have a different bag for each class…I HAVE to) and thinking about mowing the lawn.

So, the lawn didn’t get mowed…at least not so far.  I may reconsider in about an hour.  It’s six in the evening and it’s still 90° out there.  But, if I don’t get it done tonight, the next chance I have won’t be until Thursday and it’s supposed to be even hotter…so I’ll probably go out and do it.

Anyway, that’s enough rambling for now, let’s get this train on the tracks…

I can’t believe  it’s here already…I actually saw Christmas stuff out in a store the other day!!!!!

Yeah…the boss will never know

Manuka Honey Reduces Breast Cancer Cell Growth by 84% in Human Cells and Mice:
https://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/manuka-honey-reduces-breast-cancer-cell-growth-by-84-in-human-cells-and-mice/ 

If the bottom link doesn’t work, try clicking on the title.  I just ordered a jar of this online, not that I think I have cancer, because I’ve heard such good things about it.  I’ll let you guys know.

Okay, so I hate to admit this, but I actually KNOW people who would have done this.

WHY DOGS ARE BETTER THAN MEN: 

Dogs do not have problems expressing affection in public. 

Dogs miss you when you’re gone. 

Dogs feel guilt when they’ve done something wrong. 

Dogs don’t criticize your friends. 

Dogs admit when they’re jealous. 

Dogs are very direct about wanting to go out. 

Dogs don’t laugh at how you throw. 

Dogs don’t feel threatened by your intelligence. 

You can train a dog. 

Dogs are easy to buy for. 

You are never suspicious of your dog’s dreams. 

The worst social disease you can get from dogs is fleas. (OK. The really worst disease you can get from them is rabies, but there’s a vaccine for it, and you get to kill the one that gives it to you.) 

Dogs understand what no means. 

Dogs understand if some of their friends cannot come inside. 

Middle-aged dogs don’t feel the need to abandon you for a younger owner.

Dogs admit it when they’re lost. 

Dogs aren’t threatened if you earn more than they do. 

Dogs mean it when they kiss you. 

Well, I just got in from mowing.  I didn’t have to but I had to … if you know what I mean. 

But, that’s not the reason for this aside.

I just watched this video that popped up and I was so impressed I had to share it.  Then found out that I couldn’t share it, so I did a screen grab, cut the main chart out and we’re going to talk about it.  These are not made up numbers.  Let me rewind and quote exactly, where these numbers come from:

• The Federal Reserve
• The Bureau of Labor Statistics
• The Energy Information Agency
• The NASDAQ

So, let’s look at the chart and we’ll talk about it, then I gotta go to bed.

* The inflation rate Year over Year under Trump was 1.89% and under Biden/Harris was 5.28%.
* The inflation rate Cumulative was 7.8% higher under Trump and 19.2% higher under Biden/Harris.

(Let me just add a little note here, the reason I keep saying Biden/Harris is because that is exactly the way the commentator expressed it.  I believe because it is Harris we (the collective “we) are getting ready to vote on in less than 3 months)

* Average gas prices under Trump down 5.4% to $2.49 average and up 46.6% to $3.50 per gallon average for Biden/Harris
* 30 year mortgage rates down under Trump by 34.8% to 3.86% average, under Biden/Harris up 132% to 5.45% average, if you can get a mortgage. (His comment, not mine.)
* Average rent cost up 11.8% under Trump, up 21.6% under Biden/Harris.
* NASDAQ composite was up 138.2% under Trump and up 39.4% under Biden/Harris
* Grocery prices up 6.5% under Trump, up 20.9% under Biden/Harris (I think that is a skewed number because I know my grocery bill personally has gone up by almost 50%)
* Electricity prices were up 4.2% under Trump, up almost 30% at 29.6 for Biden/Harris
* And real hourly wages, A BIG indicator, up almost 7% , 6.8% under Trump and DOWN 2.2% under Biden/Harris.

Guys, those are some pretty telling numbers.  Harris is the same as Biden, except she’s even more progressive.  I actually heard someone say the other day that we’ve had the greatest four years of growth and progress in this country EVER over the last four years and that’s why she’s voting for Kamala.  Those numbers certainly don’t prove out that statement.  I certainly haven’t had four years of growth and progress, but then again, I’ve had other issues.

Good night my friends.

---

Okay, it’s now Monday and I’m back.  Today’s issue came out and I have to share a comment with you because it cracked me up and touched me deeply at the same time.

And that is absolutely HILARIOUS that this was the next one to come up!!!

WHY DOGS ARE BETTER THAN WIVES 

01. The later you are, the more excited they are to see you. 

02. Dogs will forgive you for playing with other dogs. 

03. If a dog is gorgeous, other dogs don’t hate it. 

04. Dogs don’t notice if you call them by another dog’s name. 

05. A dog’s disposition stays the same all month long. 

06. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor. 

07. A dog’s parents never visit. 

08. Dogs do not hate their bodies. 

09. Dogs agree you have to raise your voice to get your point across.

10. Dogs do their snooping outside rather than in your wallet or desk.

11. Dogs seldom outlive you. 

12. Dogs can’t talk. 

13. Dogs enjoy petting in public. 

14. You never have to wait for a dog; they’re ready to go 24-hours a day

15. Dogs find you amusing when you’re drunk. 

16. Dogs like to go hunting. 

17. Another man will seldom steal your dog. 

18. If you bring another dog home, your dog will happily play with both of you. 

19. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, “If I died would you get another dog?” 

20. If you pretend to be blind, your dog can stay in your hotel room for free. 

21. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away. 

22. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a pervert.. 

23. A dog won’t hold out on you to get a new car. 

24. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don’t get mad, they just think it’s interesting. 

25. On a car trip, your dog never insists on running the heater.

26. Dogs don’t let magazine articles guide their lives. 

27. When your dog gets old, you can have it put to sleep. 

28. Dogs like to ride in the back of a pickup truck. 

29. Dogs are not allowed in Bloomingdales or Neiman-Marcus. 

30. If a dog leaves, it won’t take half your stuff 

WHY ENGLISH IS SO HARD

The bandage was wound around the wound. 

The farm was used to produce produce. 

We must polish the Polish furniture. 

He could lead if he would get the lead out. 

The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert. 

Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present. 

A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum. 

I did not object to the object. 

The insurance was invalid for the invalid. 

There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row. 

They were too close to the door to close it. 

The buck does funny things when the does are present. 

A seamstress and a sewer fell down into the sewer. 

To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow. 

The wind was too strong to wind the sail. 

After a number of injections my jaw got number. 

Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear. 

That’s a great gif of that sinkhole opening up in the middle of the playing field!

For this one today, I got four pictures from Pop Smith that I just have to share with you guys that are outstanding artwork of a … different kind.

The problem…and it’s a pretty BIG PROBLEM…is who is going to take the first piece and ruin such fantastic artwork?

One of the very best quotes of this comes from the Psalms.  Psalms 55:22

Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you;
he will never let the righteous be shaken. (NIV)

Just as an aside, I’ve been checking out The Message version, since it was written back in the 60’s for us hippies (LOL).  This is what The Message version has for the same verse:

Pile your troubles on GOD’S shoulders — he’ll carry your load, he’ll help you out.
He’ll never let good people topple into ruin.

It says the same thing … just in different words … kinda.

I had a 1951 (?) Allstate
motor scooter made by Cushman. Looks the same!

The only comment I have is that I LOVE my little town because that’s almost exactly what I paid for my house … 31 years later.

It’s true that gray hair makes you look distinguished…… 

……It distinguishes you from the younger-looking people.

Then I must be very distinguished looking.

Minnesota Law 

All bathtubs must have feet. 

A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman’s face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn’t graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny. So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin. 

However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks. 

The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and they requested that the doctor also honor their secret.  After all, this was a very delicate matter. 

After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman’s new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had before! All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty!

One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice. She said, “Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. How can I possibly repay you?”

“My darling,” he replied, “I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek.” 

A blond woman was terribly overweight, so her doctor put her on a diet. 

“I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you will have lost at least 5 pounds.” 

When the woman returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20 pounds. 

“Why, that’s amazing!” the doctor said, “Did you follow my instructions?” 

The woman nodded. “I’ll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day.” 

“From hunger, you mean?” 

“No, from skipping.” 

Can someone please explain to me what it is with ducks and jeeps?

This one is VERY old and has been used over and over and over again for different people…but I can’t help but think that it is dead on accurate for this occasion.  

Examining a 75 year old farmer, the doctor struck up a conversation with the old man. Eventually the topic turned to Kamala Harris and her role as Democrat Nominee for President. 

The farmer said, ” Well, as I see it, Kamala Harris is like a ‘Post Turtle’.”

Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him what a ‘Post Turtle’ was. The old farmer said, “When you’re driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that’s a ‘Post Turtle’.” 

The old farmer saw the puzzled look on the doctor’s face so he continued to explain.

“You know she didn’t get up there by herself, she doesn’t belong up there, she doesn’t know what to do while she’s up there, she’s elevated beyond her ability to function, and you just wonder what kind of dumb ass put her up there to begin with.”

I made a comment about Kamala’s cackle just a little while ago to Izzy and she asked me, “What’s wrong with a president who laughs a lot?”  

I replied as seriously and straight forward as I could, “Because I think it’s important for the leader of the free world to be a LOT more serious than that.”

She didn’t have a reply. 

You have GOT to be kidding me!

Would you blindfold yourself and eat whatever someone fed you?

No?

Then STOP letting the media do it to you!

Many people think that if you question one side, then you must automatically support the other.

What if I am neutral, want the TRUTH, and always question BOTH sides?

Walz would like to enact that in certain parts of OUR country right now!  Just like he has in his state.

THEM:  Razor wire is inhumane!

US:  Not if you don’t climb over it…

The 49ers received 3 mail-in touchdowns late last night!  They are now Super Bowl Champions!

Absolutely!

A Sunday school class was studying the Ten Commandments. 

They were ready to discuss the last one. The teacher asked if anyone could tell her what it was. 

Susie raised her hand, stood tall, and quoted, 

“Thou shall not take the covers off the neighbour’s wife.”

Shadow art of a pair resting, made entirely with trash 

The Australian Road Train, the world’s longest truck

The tip of this pencil has the entire alphabet carved into it 

A green serpentine mask uncovered at the base of a pyramid in Mexico that is 2000 years old

A 190 foot tall, 1200 tonne statue of water god Guan Hu, in Jingzhou, China 

 An aerial view of the Marina Bay Sands hotel in Singapore 

Oh Jonathon, that was awful!

Oh, and on that HORRIBLE note, I’m going to end this one right here!!!!

I hope you all enjoyed this as much as I did.  May God Bless you and keep you and smile His face upon you until we meet again.