Well, it’s Saturday morning and I’m going to try and get a couple of issues ahead again over this nice, three-day weekend. 

It’s a three-day weekend?

Yeah it’s … whose birthday is it or what are we celebrating on Monday? Well, today, the day that you guys are getting this issue?  What is today?  Anybody?  Yeah, you in the back?

Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.

Martin Luther King, who had a dream, who believed in peaceful demonstrations to put his point across. Who led marches on Washington that brought attention to problems…and he was eventually assassinated for it. A man of God.

So very much different than the “peaceful demonstrations” that we have going on today.

Last night Izzy and I had a “spirited discussion” on what was going on up in Minnesota.  She, of course being the little sweetheart that she is and of the “why can’t we all just live together in love and socialist/communist happiness?” I have to grab her by the earlobe and pull her back over to common sense land and explain to her that the real people to blame for Renee Good’s death are the protestors. 

Her response, as you can well imagine was, “Huh?”

Look, the ICE agents are simply trying to do their job. Following the law. Nothing more, nothing less. The illegal aliens, whether they are gangbangers or “upstanding citizens” if they are here illegally, are breaking the law. Every one of them was given the opportunity to self-deport. They are now (and have been) breaking the law. They are criminals. And it is the JOB of the LAW ENFORCEMENT AGENCIES to ENFORCE the LAWS. The protestors are interfering with said Law Enforcement Agents in carrying out their duties.

Now, two things. First, how would you like it if someone came to your workplace and kept you from doing your job? Everything from standing in front of you to driving a car at you to shooting at your to threatening your family, to burning down your house? Just for going to your job at Burger King or Walmart or the office or whatever? HOW WOULD THAT MAKE YOU FEEL? And then to have the rest of the world tell you that YOU were the ones who were wrong?

Secondly, everyone of those protestors, just by being there and interfering with those officers can be arrested and are subject to a year in prison. If they lay hands on one of those ICE officers … just touch them … ten years in prison. If they push or shove or strike them in any way, twenty years.

So, anyone who says that the ICE agents are being mean and harassing the protestors … let me tell you from even the minimal amount of Law Enforcement experience that I have, at some point in time, someone is going to cut the ICE agents loose and there is going to mass arrests of these protestors the likes of which no one has ever seen before. You are going to step in the way of an agent and you are going to get arrested, you are going to touch one and you are going to get arrested. You mark my words that they are very soon going to get tired of this hands-off approach.

They    Are    Doing    Their    Job.    It’s    The     Protestors    Who    Are    At    Fault!!!!

Okay, I’m off my rant, now …

 

Okay, not really laugh worthy at first, but Scott, you will be missed Sir!

Okay, now we can move on…

 

 

Wow!  Just … Wow!

 

 

One night a teenage girl brought her new boyfriend home to meet her parents, and they were appalled by his appearance: leather jacket, motorcycle boots, tattoos and pierced nose.

Later, the parents pulled their daughter aside and confessed their concern. 

“Dear,” said the mother diplomatically, “he doesn’t seem very nice.” 

“Oh please, Mom,” replied the daughter, “if he wasn’t nice, why would he be doing 500 hours of community service?

Actually, this is a depiction of Judges 4:21: I’ll give you the ESV version which reads easier than the KJV: But Jael the wife of Heber took a tent peg, and took a hammer in her hand. Then she went softly to him and drove the peg into his temple until it went down into the ground while he was lying fast asleep from weariness. So he died. Him being Sisera, the commander of the army of Jabin who was king of Canaan. Heber was supposed to be an ally but had separated himself and his family. Sisera was fleeing the army of the Lord. Here’s the preceding verse: 17 But Sisera fled away on foot to the tent of Joel, the wife of Heber the Kenite, for there was peace between Jabin the king of Hazor and the house of Heber the Kenite. 

18 And Jael came out to meet Sisera and said to him, “Turn aside, my lord; turn aside to me; do not be afraid.” So he turned aside to her into the tent, and she covered him with a rug.

19 And he said to her, “Please give me a little water to drink, for I am thirsty.” So she opened a skin of milk and gave him a drink and covered him.

20 And he said to her, “Stand at the opening of the tent, and any man comes and asks you, ‘Is anyone here?’ say, ‘No.'”

And then you know the rest. This loving woman allows him to fall asleep and drives a tent peg through his temple, fulfilling the will of the Lord. As soon as I saw this picture I knew what it was since I had just studied it in FBI (Faith Bible Institute). Neat, huh?

Now we have some memes of a theme thanks to Aussie Pete:

 

 

And this next one is really good…

 

Have you ever tried eating a clock?

It’s really time consuming, especially if you go for seconds.

 

 

DON’T get the order wrong!!!

 

 

OH COME ON! Leave Greenland the heck alone!!!

“Just cleared out some space in my freezer” sounds so much more productive than “I just polished off another pint of ice cream.”

I am retired in the sense that I was tired yesterday and today I am tired again.

“FACETIOUS”

is the only word in the English language that uses all of the vowels, in order.

Just     Ask!
If He doesn’t answer, stop and listen. If He still doesn’t answer, maybe the problem is YOU. What kind of a relationship do you have with Him? Come to Him in repentance and supplication. Get right with Him FIRST. Then ask again and see what happens.

 

 

So very, very sad.

 

 

Common Sense

is like deodorant.
The people who need it most never use it.

Why have so many people forgotten this?

 

 

The invention of the shovel was a ground breaking discovery.

But the invention of the broom was the one that truly swept the nation.

 

 

Reading the news lately, there seem to be a LOT of parents like that out there.

 

 

MUCH better than that stupid AI generated picture.

 

 

Did you know on the Canary Islands there is not one canary?

And on the Virgin Isles?

Same thing – not one canary there, either!

We are warned, strongly and deeply in Matthew 5:22 of the dangers of hell fire for calling someone Raca and/or fool. The idea behind “Raca” as “nitwit, blockhead, numbskull, bonehead, brainless idiot.” But, I think the above picture describes it most succinctly and precisely. 

 

  

What an appropriate typo.

 

 

The first time I used an elevator it was an uplifting experience.

But, the second time it let me down.

If it happens often enough that they have a word for it, then … 

I know, there are some of you out there who are thinking, maybe we ought to move to Finland.

 

 

No kidding! And they have the NERVE to say anything about January 6th.

 

 

I have no super powers.

So, I’m guessing I’m the villain. 

And that’s it my friends. That’s Monday’s issue in the bank and now I’ll start on Thursday’s next.  My days are back to being busy again. I have jail ministry on Monday evening, FBI on Tuesday evening, jail again on Wednesday, once a month is the UTA where I have to work the weekend, church every Sunday, and meetings on different nights of the week throughout the quarter depending.

Sigh.

I really ought to retire just so I  can spend more time working for God, but like my boss at work just told me the other day, he dreads the day I retire because there is no one ready to step up to take my place … but there really is … he just doesn’t know it and I won’t let him know until I’m ready for him to know, lol. 

Anyway, probably a year from now … or so.

But until then …

 

 

Well, again I’m at a point where I’m about out of time for this issue, so I’m going to race through this and get you guys an issue out for tomorrow.  So, let’s jump right into it.

 

Do for others with no desire of returned favours. We all should plant some trees we’ll never sit under. 

Anon

What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?

“Oh look! Donut seeds!”

There was a really cute princess walking through the woods, and she heard a voice calling, “Hey Really Cute Princess!”

She looked around and didn’t see anyone but a frog. She started to walk on but the frog called again.

“Hey Really Cute Princess, if you take me home and let me sleep on your pillow, I will turn back into a Handsome Prince!”

It had been a very boring day so she decided to give it a try even though she really didn’t believe the frog.

The Really Cute Princess took the frog home with her and let him sleep on her pillow. When she got up the next day what do you think she found?

There on her pillow sat a really Handsome Prince.

Do you believe the story?

Well neither did her mother!

69 (Nice) Hilariously Dumb Photos That Spiced Up My Afternoon Poop Break

You have GOT to watch this.  It is truly AMAZING!! Thanks Chris!!

Click HERE

And here is the long address to cut and paste https://www.facebook.com/share/v/1aqLL7sEGe/

 

 

Men and women have two distinct views about a wedding.

The husband to be wakes up in the morning, plays a round of golf and counts the minutes until he has to be at the altar. 

The wife to be, on the other hand, wakes up in the morning and is panicking. 

She immediately begins to organize things, making sure everything is in proper order. 

In her mind she is repeating what she has to do.

“All I have to do is go down the aisle, get to the altar, and marry him.” 

She repeats this over and over again, until she begins to shorten it to three words which she continues to repeat… “Aisle, altar, him.” “Aisle, altar, him.” “Aisle, altar, him.” 

Last week my wife and I purchased a new computer. 

We ran into some difficulties while setting it up so we decided to call the customer support phone number we found in the manual.

I picked up the phone and called the number. 

A man answered the phone and I explained the problem to him.

He began rattling off computer jargon. This confused us even more. 

“Sir,” I said politely, “Can you explain what I should do as if I were a small child?”

“Okay,” the computer support guy said, “Son, could you please put your mommy on the phone?”

Photos Where the ‘Ineptitude’ Isn’t Even Surprising

Morris, a professional photographer was invited to dinner at the Goldblums. He took along a few pictures to show the hostess. 

Millie Goldblum looked at his photos and commented, “These are very good! You must have a very good camera.” 

He didn’t make any comment, however, as he was leaving to go home he said, “That was a really delicious meal, Millie!” 

“Thank you!” she replied enthusiastically.

The Morris added, “You must have some very good pots & pans.” 

A famous art collector is walking through the city when he notices a mangy cat lapping milk from a saucer in the doorway of a store. 

He does a double take, as he notices that the saucer is extremely old and very valuable. He walks casually into the store and offers to buy the cat for two dollars. 

The store owner replies, “I’m sorry, but the cat isn’t for sale.” 

The collector says, “Please, I need a hungry cat around the house to catch mice. I’ll pay you twenty dollars for that cat.” 

And the owner says “Sold,” and hands over the cat.

The collector continues, “Hey, for the twenty bucks I wonder if you could throw in that old saucer. The cat’s used to it and it’ll save me having to get a dish.” 

And the owner says, “Sorry buddy, but that’s my lucky saucer. So far this week I’ve sold sixty-eight cats.”

And that’s it, I made it. I hope you all enjoyed.

 

We actually had protestors in our little bitty town here in Indiana.  It came across our radio and I heard the cops dispatched our to the courthouse. Seems there were a group of people inside the courthouse and on the courthouse steps protesting peacefully (we are a mostly peaceful little town after all) when a group of counter-protestors showed up. 

Oh, a question in the back? What were they protesting? Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t mention that. They were protesting ICE. I gather they got word of the BIG protest down in the big city of Indianapolis and didn’t want to feel like they had gotten left out and didn’t want to drive the two hours so they decided to stage their own little protest on our own courthouse steps. I’m not sure how they got IN the courthouse since it had been closed for about 2 hours by then, but anyway, back to my story…

Dispatch called out to the PD that there was now counter-protestors there and someone had called 911 and said they were afraid because the “attitudes had become aggressive.” 

I laughed so hard.

Well, honey…if you have the right to protest, someone else with a differing opinion has the right to counter-protest. Just because their opinion is different than yours doesn’t make them the bad person. You being there first doesn’t make you the good person.

Of course nobody got hurt … well … except their feelings.

If I had of known, I’d of gone down and counter-protested. Maybe even counter-counter-protested.  But, only if I could’ve found someone to protest me … you know, just to round out the square…or criss the cross as it were. 

So, I’ve rambled enough for today … maybe I should change my name from Impish Dragon to Rambling Dragon … Rambling Lizard? …  Gregarious Gavial? 

Hey, I kinda like that last one.  Hey Scribe! Make a note to get one of my new fake passports made out in the name of Gregarious Gavial. What does it mean? You figure it out! But the way this world is going, having extra identities is probably not a bad thing. 

But, being able to fly over my enemies and burn everything below me is not a bid thing either, so hey … 

and…

Okay, took me a minute, but I got it.

 

 

That one was easy.

 

 

No kidding! How apropos!  

 

 

The truly annoying part is that someone thought it necessary to put a warning on there!!!

 

 

Pete (Friggin’ not Aussie) wrote a nice little piece to go along with that poster that I agree with 100%, having been of the same age.  Here it is:

 

 

Those are REAL friends!

 

 

YES   HE   DOES!!!

Nothing motivates a man more than to see his boss putting in an honest day’s work.

A Florida court ruled that exotic dancers must cover one-third of their buttocks. 
Now, if only they could pass the same law for the plumbers, we’d be in neat shape.

No doubt! And getting twice the sentence that he gets.

 

 

YOU KNOW YOUR LIFE SUCKS WHEN…..

A black cat crosses your path and drops dead.

You take an assertiveness training course and you’re afraid to tell your wife.

The candles on your cake set off your smoke alarm.

Your chauffeur is on parole for car theft.

You have to take out a loan just to get money for the down payment.

Your children’s school calls to surrender.

The bride’s family throws rocks instead of rice.

Your wife wraps your lunch in a road map.

Your plants do better when you don’t talk to them.

All your modeling jobs are for cartoonists.

I LOVE them!

 

 

A well-dressed man approached a voluptuously beautiful young woman on the street and said, “Would you have sex with me for a million dollars?”

“For a MILLION dollars?!” she replied, more than a little stunned, “Of course I would!”

“Well, would you sleep with me for twenty five dollars?”

“Twenty five dollars? Don’t be ridiculous! What kind of girl do you take me for, anyway?”

“We’ve already established what kind of girl you are; now we’re just haggling over price.”

This one is kinda fun … from dear Stephanie …

20+ Online marketplace sellers with bizarre objects for sale: ‘The “L” from the Chipotle sign in Novato’

Don’t wait!

 

 

I burn about 2,000 calories every time I put on fitted sheets by myself.

 

 

Daughter: Alexa, play “Let It Go”.

Me: When I was your age I had to call the radio station, wait on hold for 30 minutes to request a song, then sit by my boom box for an hour with a blank cassette tape for my song to play so I could record it.

Daughter: I don’t know what any of that means.

 

 

You think you know stress?!
When I grew up, if you missed a TV show you just missed it.
Forever.

And that’s it my friends.  I hope you enjoyed this issue as much as I did. Until next time…

Today is Thursday, 8 Jan 26 and today, 4 years ago my Mary passed away. 6 years ago today, my daughter passed away. I know that you are not viewing this today, you are viewing it on Monday and by Monday, I should be human again. Today, not so much.

I’m not going to dwell, I’m going to put together this issue of Dragon Laffs and keep my mind occupied on other things. But just a warning … if this issue seems a little weird, that’s probably why.

So … onward …

 

 

Okay, that one’s easy…

 

 

That one’s harder…

 

 

Really easy…

 

 

and probably medium.

 

 

Amen and Amen!

 

 

I’d say it’s pretty close to ten O’clock.  

If you drop a blonde and a brunette from 100 ft, which hits the ground first?

The brunette, because the blonde has to ask directions on the way down. 

Rats!  I’ll be right back.  H.R. is at my door.

 

 

Yeah, except there’s a lot more than two of us.

 

 

And it’s been that way since like October!

 

 

Aussie Pete bragging again.

 

 

Oh hey! They already are!

 

20 Zillow Listings That Are Totally Off The Rails

This one is a lot of fun. If clicking on the title doesn’t work, try clicking HERE

Yup, I got it all.

 

 

Thanks to Chris for the YouTube of Pets and such that come on such a regular basis. I love watching them!!!

Yeah, me too…I’m actually older than that…

 

 

As soon as she had finished convent school, a bright young girl named Lena shook the dust of Ireland off her shoes and made her way to New York where before long, she became a successful performer in show business.  

Eventually she returned to her home town for a visit and on a Saturday night went to confession in the church, which she had always attended as a child.

In the confessional Father Sullivan recognized her and began asking her about her work.

She explained that she was an acrobatic dancer, and he wanted to know what that meant.

She said she would be happy to show him the kind of thing she did on stage. 

She stepped out of the confessional and within sight of Father Sullivan, she went into a series of cartwheels, leaping splits, handsprings and back flips. 

Kneeling near the confessional, waiting their turn, were two middle-aged ladies.

They witnessed Lena’s acrobatics with wide eyes, and one said to the other: “Will you just look at the penance Father Sullivan is givin’ out this night, and me without me bloomers on!” 

I KNEW IT!!!

LOL! No, I didn’t. But I got a guy at work who’s convinced it was all faked.

20 People Who Failed at Completing Their Only Job

 

 

ROFLM… oh crap, there’s H.R. again…

 

 

Miss you so much…

 

 

Another Pet Video!!!

That one’s easy!

 

 

Jersey bulls…

 

 

How many remember THAT reference?

 

 

This one is GREAT, if a little long. Definitely worth watching!

Hmmm, how many are gonna get that one…

Wonderfully said.

 

 

That stripper that fell off the pole already has $20K in her GoFundMe account.

I fell at work once and all I got was a drug test from H.R.

Hey!  Me too!

The next time your wife gets angry, drape a towel over her shoulders like a cape and say, “Now you’re SUPER ANGRY!”

That or much, MUCH worse.

Yes I do! And not that long ago.

 

 

Recently, I’ve been trying to break up with my girlfriend, who happens to be an Optician.
It’s been really hard.
Every time I tell her I can’t see her anymore, she moves an inch closer and says, “How about now?”

Thank you my friends for being with me today. May our dear Father in Heaven bless you and keep you until we meet again.

Wars and rumors of wars, right? Maduro and wife get captured and the world goes nuts. Iran is shooting protestors.  Nobody seems to care but Trump. I watched his speech on Maduro. He made some good points, although I don’t like the fact that “we will be running the country until a legitimate government can be put into place.” That smacks of us taking over the country and just doing it for the oil, which he emphasized over and over and over again. I guess we’ll see.

By the time you read this, we’ve passed my “valley of the shadow of death” I haven’t experienced it yet as of this writing. Actually, we passed it with a previous issue, but as of this writing, it’s drawing closer and is preying on my mind. I speak of the passing of my dear Mary. Four years and it seems like yesterday. But I shant bore you with my travails. Let’s move on to the laughter.

I agree, I’m tired of the cold. And I’m tired of BEING cold.

 

 

This scares me for some reason that I can’t put my finger on.

 

 

When was the Employee Christmas Party for Self-Check at Walmart ’cause I think I missed it.

My son asked if a punch bowl is where you keep the names of people you want to punch.

I usually keep them in my head, but storing them in decorative crystal seems really classy.

My kid made the mistake of telling me I was being overdramatic so I just changed the Wi-Fi password.

We’ll see who’s overdramatic in about 5 minutes.

When is it going to be the straight, beer drinking, bacon eating, old white guy month?

Got a comment from Leah that I think I will copy here since I think some of you may be interested … Leah D says:

Did you celebrate your birthday? Anybody at work surprise you with a cake?

Did you leave your Christmas decorations up until New Years Day?

Did you have a white Christmas?

In other words, how’s life?

Okay, so one at a time…yes, I celebrated my birthday … kind of. Izzy gave me a gift and we watched TV. No cake, no big deal. No one called. I got a lot of wishes on Facebook and I got one card in the mail. My sister called me. No, no one at work made me a cake, I wasn’t at work, everyone at work was busy with their own families on Christmas eve.  I’m quite used to not making a big deal out of my birthday. Mary used to do a pretty good job of it, though.  I did go to the jail by myself on Christmas eve. My two partners were busy with their families, so I went by myself. That was nice. The guys appreciated it.

Yes, Izzy left the decorations up until January 5th and only took them down because I told her to. I think she’d leave them up year round. We did not really have a white Christmas although there was a bit of snow left on the ground left over.

How’s life? I’m trying to stay out of a deep funk right now. The day after tomorrow is the day. Well past the day when you guys are reading this, but for me….

So, let’s move on, shall we?

 

 

Another self portrait by Aussie Pete.

 

 

An alleged man walks into an LGBTQ center…

He walks right up to the front desk and he introduces himself, “Hello, I identify as a Chocolate Bar. Can I join?”

The trans receptionist replies, “Sir, that’s disgraceful! You’re mocking the entire LGBTQ community. We’re going to have to ask you to leave now.”

“You can’t call me, sir!” the irate man exclaims. “I use her/shey pronouns.”

Yup! Finest kind.

 

 

And now Joe gives us a little family history …

I come from a musical background. 

My grandfather was a professional organ player. 

Up until the monkey died. 

Funny, I’ve always thought they looked like a pig’s butt for some reason. I have no proof, mind you, it’s just what I’ve always thought of when someone’s done that. It’s always been one of the silliest things I’ve ever seen anyone do in my entire life. Why would you purposefully pose for a picture like that. Second only maybe to those silly nose rings that animals wear that asinine women seem to find so fascinating.  And duck face? It looks NOTHING like a duck.

 

 

The “I’m This Old” Meme Will Make Anyone Over 30 Feel ANCIENT

According to Google, this is true!

 

 

This is SO PERFECT!

 

 

No kidding.

 

With money in your pocket, you are wise and you are handsome and you sing well too. 

-Yiddish Proverb

A guest lecturer to the Medical college stopped by the bulletin board. Listed for the day was the topic, “Surprises in Obstetrics”.

Scrawled under it in pencil were the words, “Mary had a little lamb”

And that’s it my friends. Be well, be happy and be blessed. Until next time.