Okay, it has been a bad week.  Next week is going to be a worse week.  I’m finding it difficult to get stuff done due to handling problems. 

I need to laugh!  Really bad.  Can we just all agree to skip the small talk and just get to the good stuff?

Eyelashes are supposed to prevent things from getting into your eyes, yet when I DO have something in my eye it’s always an eyelash.

Eyeronic

Paddy is at the airport with two sacks, one over each shoulder, when all of a sudden he gets stopped by Customs.  They search each sack and find loads of mobile phones in them.

They ask Paddy, “Why do you have so many mobile phones, Paddy?”

Paddy replies, “Well, when I was on my travels in America, I got a call from my mate Mick in Cork and he told me he was starting up a jazz band and could I bring back two saxophones.”

Please do not wear flip-flops if your feet look like you could swoop down out of the sky and snatch your dinner from a lake.

If we get enough people to do it, it will work.

I was going shopping to buy a gift for my wife and asked her for her sizes. “If it is clothes it’s small’ “If it’s diamonds, I wear Large”

HEY!  I eventually figured it out!!!

My husband is a doctor, and he received an emergency call from a blonde patient. She had a fly in her ear.
 
He suggested an old home remedy. Pour warm olive oil into your ear and lie down for a few minutes,” he said. When you lift your head the fly should emerge with the liquid.”
 
The blonde patient thought that sounded like a good idea, but she still asked, “Into which ear should I pour the oil?”

Why won’t cannibals eat divorced women?

 

They’re always bitter.

Man 1: “Today Facebook saved my life.”
Man 2: “How?”
Man 1: “It reminded me about my wife’s birthday!”

There was once a great actor, who had a problem. He could no longer remember his lines.

Finally after many years he finds a theater where they are prepared to give him a chance to shine again.

The director says, “This is the most important part, and it has only one line, you must walk on to the stage carrying a rose, you must hold the rose with just one finger and your thumb, sniff the rose deeply and then say the line, ‘Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress.'”

The actor is thrilled. All day long before the play he’s practicing his line over and over again. Finally the time came.

The curtain went up, the actor walked onto the stage, and with great passion delivered the line; “Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress.”

The theater erupted, the audience was screaming with laughter and the director was steaming!

“You fool!” he cried, “You have ruined me!”

The actor was bewildered, “What happened? Did I forget my line?” he asked.

“No, you idiot!” the director screamed, “You forgot the rose!” 

FLUKEY OR SPOOKY?
 
TWO sisters decided to pay a surprise visit to each other. As they travelled in opposite directions along a rural highway in America, their identical jeeps collided and both were killed. Is this just coincidence or are there greater forces at work, bringing us closer than we ever thought possible? A fascinating new book, Beyond Coincidence, examines this baffling phenomenon. Here CLARE MORRISROE describes the most bizarre stories of them all…
 
THE KEY
CALIFORNIAN Williard Lovell locked herself out of her house. She spent 10 minutes trying to find a way in when the postman handed her a letter from her brother. In it was the spare key he had taken back to Washington after a visit.
 
TWO LAURAS
IN June 2001, 10-year-old Laura Buxton of Burton, Staffs, was at a party where she wrote her name and address on a luggage label, attached it to a helium balloon and released it into the sky. It floated 140 miles until finally coming to rest in the garden of another 10-year-old Laura Buxton, in Pewsey, Wilts. The girls got in touch and became friends, upon which they found each had fair hair, owned a black Labrador, guinea pig and rabbit.
 
SHARED FORE-TUNES
A STRAY golf ball hit a man on a course in Stockport, Cheshire, in September 2001. Ten days later his wife was hit by a ball at the same spot…struck by the same golfer.
 
SISTERS’ GRAVE ERROR
SISTERS Doris Jean Hall and Sheila Wentworth both decided to drop in on each other for a surprise visit. As they were travelling in opposite directions on the rural American highway, Alabama 25, their identical jeeps collided and both were killed.
 
WHEELIE SPOOKY FILM star James Dean, pictured above at the wheel of his Porsche Spyder
sports car, died aged 24 in 1955 when he crashed it. The car was taken to a garage, where it fell on a mechanic, breaking his leg. The engine was sold to a doctor who put it in his racing car, crashed and died. In the same race a car using the drive shaft from Dean’s car crashed. The driver also died. When the car’s shell was put on display, the showroom burned down. When it was exhibited again in Sacramento it fell off the stand on to a visitor, breaking his hip.
 
FROZEN IN TIME
NOVELIST Anne Parrish was excited to find a copy of Jack Frost And Other Stories on a secondhand bookstall in Paris. It was her favourite book at her Colorado Springs nursery, but she’d not seen a copy since she was a child. She showed it to her husband who opened it. He found the inscription: “Anne Parrish, 209 N Weber Street, Colorado Springs”.
 
LOVER’S LEAP
AFTER finding her husband had been unfaithful, Vera Czermak, of Prague, threw herself from her third floor balcony. By chance she landed on her husband who was walking directly below. It killed him while she escaped injury.
 
TWO LITTLE BIRDIES
A GOLFER watched his perfect drive collide mid-flight with a ball hit by another player from the opposite direction. Astounded by the coincidence, both players met and introduced themselves – they were both called Kevin O’Brien.
 
STRANGERS ON THE SHORE
AS John Peskett flicked through his wife’s childhood holiday snaps, a couple in the background caught his eye – his parents. John and his wife Shirley, then strangers and both 10, had been on the same beach on holiday at Minehead in Somerset in 1963 – 11 years before they first began dating.
 
DOUBLE HITCH
WHILE hitchhiking in New Zealand in 1994 Nick Witty exchanged addresses with a man who gave him a lift. Two years later a friend got a lift from the same man while in New Zealand. He said: “Last time I picked up an Englishman was two years ago.” He pulled Nick’s address from the glove compartment.
 
DEATH TAKES HOLIDAY
IN 1946 Mildred West, an obituary writer on New York’s Alton Evening Telegraph, took a week’s holiday. During her absence, and for the first time in the newspaper’s history, there were no deaths recorded in Alton (pop 32,000). Normally they average 10 a week.
 
BRIDGE TOO FAR
RICHARD Besinger was run over and killed while walking in the middle of a bridge in California in 1957. Two years later his son Hiram was killed on the same bridge when a timber truck overturned on him. Six years after that, his 14-year-old great-grandson David Whisler was mowed down there by a car.
 
KIMONO BURNED DOWN TOKYO
A KIMONO successively owned by three teenage girls, each of whom died before they had a chance to wear it, was so unlucky it was cremated by a priest in 1657. But as it burned, a wind fanned the flames and started a blaze. The fire destroyed three-quarters of Tokyo, levelling 300 temples, 500 palaces, 9,000 shops, 61 bridges, and killing 100,000 people.
 
WRONG TRACK
IN August 1995 Lisa Potter was walking with her mother when they came to the Moots Lane railway crossing in Essex. Lisa’s father had been killed there 11 years previously and her mother refused to walk any further. Lisa decided it was time her mother overcame her superstition and tried to encourage her across. But as she stood on the crossing a train suddenly appeared and hit Lisa, killing her instantly.
 
WHERE THERE’S MUCK
BARBARA Hutton, accidentally flushed her antique bracelet down the toilet. Months later Barbara, from Woodley, Berks, was in a jewellers  when a man brought in her bracelet to be valued. He had found it while working in a sewer.
 
MY NUMBER’S UP
A MAN called Todd was at the Australian Rules football Grand Final in 1990 where spectators were tearing up pages from telephone books and tossing them into the air whenever a point was scored. A shredded strip landed on Todd’s lap. Just as he was about to brush it away he noticed he was looking at his own name, address and phone number.

My neighbor banged on my door at 3:30AM last night. Can you believe that? Luckily, I was still up, playing guitar. They shouted, “How about a little respect?”. I said, “Honestly I’m not a big Aretha Franklin fan, but okay. This one’s for you!”

I heard you can get lawyers at Ikea now, and they’re very affordable, but you have to build your own case.

Which body part is the most reliable? Well, you can always count on your fingers.

Three years ago today my neighbor and his wife took up gardening. Today is their weeding anniversary.

How many ears does Captain Kirk have? The correct answer is 3. The left ear, the right ear, and the final front ear.

My wife and I are a temperamental couple…I’ve got a temper and she’s mental.

Judge: “I order you to pay $10,000.” 
Mario: “Why?” 
Judge: “It’s a fine.” 
Mario: “No its a not!”

My dog’s name is Minton. Today he ate my shuttlecock. Bad Minton!

 I’ve just finished converting my van to electric. I swapped the diesel engine for the motor from a tumble dryer, it wouldn’t start at first, then I realized I hadn’t shut the door properly! I then took it for a spin!

Nurses will be spending 20 minutes looking for a blood vein yet a mosquito locates it in the dark while singing.

Just found out the guy who stole my Bible and my diary passed away. My thoughts and prayers are with his family.

Your secret is safe with me, I don’t even remember my own password.

My scarecrow won an award or being outstanding in his field

After gunning his BMW the wrong way down a one-way street, the rather intoxicated young man was asked where he thought he was going by a curious police officer. “I’m not really sure,” confessed the drunk, “but wherever it is, I must be late, because everybody seems to be coming back already.”

 I asked my date to meet me at the gym today, but she didn’t show up, and that’s when I knew we weren’t going to work out.

And that’s it my friends, we made it!  Time to put this one in the rack.  May God Bless you until we meet again…and then past that, too!

Sunday afternoon, relaxing, re-watching The Chosen season 5, and spending time with you, my family.

Izzy is upstairs taking a nap, Pepper is upstairs with her, also napping, Willow is in her bed doing … guess what? 

You got it! 

Napping! 

So it’s just you, me, and the Chosen.  All the females in this house are asleep.  Being the only male in the house, you would think, would have its privileges, but alas, I have none. But there are times, such as now, when all the house is quiet, and I am at peace, doing what I want, that it’s awfully nice around here.  So, whaddaya say we jump into the fun stuff?

A Woman’s Rule of Thumb:

If it has tires or testicles,

you’re going to have trouble with it.

Women’s restroom

Dick’s Last Resort, Dallas , TX

Yeah, I’m getting to the bottom of the pile, so some of them may be a little dated

HAPPINESS

To be happy with a man, 
you must understand him a lot 
and love him a little.

 

To be happy with a woman, 
you must love her a lot and 
not try to understand her at all.

If I could interrupt this broadcast for just a moment for a special thank you.

As you know, towards the end of August I begin my annual ask for donations to cover my yearly expenses.  The only time during the year that I ask.  My bit is that I’ll know that what I’m doing is still worthwhile if I get enough donations to cover my expenses for the year.  If I don’t, then I know it’s time to wrap it up and try something different.  Anyway, that’s the quick background.

Pop Smith recently asked me about that and I told him and he made a very generous donation early. 

You know my habit is to recognize the donor, but not the amount because I believe that every donation is from the heart and friends and family give what they can.  Doesn’t matter how much.  Go read about the Widow’s mite if you want to read a wonderful story about giving.

Thank you Pop.  Your generosity is deeply appreciated.

Now, back to our laffter. 

Okay, pay attention.  THE WORST TIME EVER ON EARTH.  EVER!  If you are not prepared to be gone in the Rapture, which could possibly happen at ANYTIME, you better GET THAT WAY! Soon.

Okay, back to our regularly scheduled programing.

On his first visit to the zoo, a little boy stared at the caged stork for a long time. 

He waved, jumped up and down, and stared at the stork a while longer. 

Finally, turning to his father, he exclaimed, “Gee, dad, he doesn’t recognize me.”

And drugs.  Don’t forget drugs.

So, we got our first submissions for this category and they both come from Stephen B.

A Truck Driver’s Duty

A truck driver was heading down the highway when he saw a priest at the side of the road. Feeling it was his duty, he stopped to give the priest a ride. 

A short time later, he saw a lawyer with a briefcase on the side of the road and aimed his truck at him.

At the last second, he thought of the priest with him and realized he couldn’t run over the lawyer, so he swerved, but he heard a thump anyway. 

Looking back as he drove on, he didn’t see anything.

He began to apologize for his behavior to the priest. “I’m sorry, Father. I barely missed that lawyer at the side of the road.”

But the priest said, “Don’t worry, son. I got him with my door.”

Driving Test

My wife was upset when she told me she had failed her driving test.
I said, “Oh no, what did they pull you up on?”

My wife replied, “A rope. The car’s still in the canal.”

I’ve heard so many different variations of this joke it’s incredible.  

Do you know someone who seems to know everything? When asked why, they say, “A little birdie told me.” Did you know they probably aren’t lying? It is a little known fact that there are little birds that fly very fast, are never seen, and they are everywhere. – Thus, these creatures are called “Flies Unseen Everywhere” or FUE for short.

These birds have an extensive communications network, and they can generally find out anything from anywhere quite quickly. Some of these birds befriend certain individuals and communicate with them by making clucking sounds, much like a chicken. They are not dumb like chickens, however, and can establish a sort of clucking language with the lucky person they befriend.

This person is then the one who is always in the know; one step ahead of the competition. And those people who seem to be in the dark? Those who just don’t get it? Those who’s standard response to any given question is, “Huh?”

Why I think it should be pretty obvious to all, now, that the reason is simply because they don’t have a clucking FUE. 

Painting a turtle’s shell isn’t harmless; it’s a silent form of cruelty. 

Its shell is alive, full of nerves and blood vessels. Through it, it breathes, regulates its temperature, and senses. Covering it with paint blocks its ability to absorb sunlight, essential for its metabolism and bone development. It also prevents it from naturally eliminating bacteria and fungi. Many die slowly from infections or poisoning. 

It’s not art. It’s suffering. And often, a torture that ends in silence.

I have to say, I had no idea!  Of course, when I showed it to Izzy, she knew exactly what it was.  What a smart kid I have.

Okay, admit it.  As soon as you saw this photo, you could smell it.  I know I could!

I laughed SO HARD at some of these next ones.  This is well worth the click.  

Thanks to Stephanie for sending this one in.

In every relationship there is a person who loads the dishwasher like a Scandinavian architect and the other who loads it like a one-armed raccoon on meth.

And with that bit of insane wisdom, we’ll close for today.  Since I’ve gotten some updates, let’s do this:

And my good friend Jonathon writes to me and says:

We just got through 3 episodes in a row, thanks to Independence Day.  I’m actually working on this one on the 4th, while relaxing in my living room, it’s early afternoon.  I slept WAY in this morning.  It was almost 8 when I got up.  That’s because Izzy and I were over at a friends house last night for a pre-fourth cook out.  She swam in their pool and I caught up with an old friend.  A lady I used to work for almost 20 years at the Sheriff’s Dept.  We spent several hours catching up.  It was SO nice.  She looks almost exactly the same as she did 20 years ago.

So, let’s see, this one is for Monday the 7th.  So, I’m relatively caught back up again.  I was over a week and a half ahead at one point and now I’m staying fairly current.

So, let’s go ahead and get to the fun stuff, shall we?

And you don’t think your sign is a little …. nuts?

A pastor and his family (two children) were invited to attend a cousin’s high school graduation. He thought he’d prepare the kids, knowing how fidgety they can get. 

“Graduations are sometimes long, boring events,” he said.  “I want you guys to behave and not ask constantly when it’s going to be over.” 

“Don’t worry, Dad.  We’ll live,” the daughter replied.  “We last through all your sermons, don’t we?”

I got a special email from Pete:

I started trying Medical Marijuana to see if it would relieve any of this pain of mine. I’m not sure what this stuff is or where it came from but, IT IS NOT THE MARIJUANA from my youth.  I mean it was colorful and all sticky and it was some big flower top, it wasn’t a sandwich bag filled up with seeds and stems and there were no loose leaf pieces to pick out and roll.  I didn’t know what to do so, here I am pulling at this flower like I was doing “she loves me, she loves me not” trying to get something to roll and smoke.  That was not working so well so, I picked up the scissors, I thought I could just cut some of it up, oh nay nay, everything I touched was sticking to my figures now.  I’m standing there trying to release the scissors and for some reason I sat my other hand down on a tissue so, I could wipe the sweat out of my eyes, Well now I have a cheap tissue glued to all five fingers and the palm of my hand so I take my other hand, the one with the scissors still welded to it, and I’m going to try and pick off the tissue and my phone rings. It scares me, I jump, knock over my soda can and when I went to grab it I put the scissors right through the can and knock my phone on the floor.  Now instead of dealing with soda running out of the hole in the can, I go down after my phone, you know cause God forbid I broke my phone.  As I am bend over getting the phone the now emptying soda is running off the table onto my head and back, again startled, I straighten up real fast and hit my head on the table. So, there I stand, a mess of sticky tissue stuck to my wet phone, stuck to my one hand, scissors still hanging off the other hand, my soda all over the table and everything on it and a big puddle still dripping on the floor, I have soda running down my face into my eyes and my head and back are soaked with cold sticky soda and now I have a knot on my head.  Anyway after about an hour of clean up, I figured it out and got one rolled and smoked it. After all of that, I find that it not only looks nothing like what we used to smoke, there is just no effect to it either.  I rolled another one and decided to go smoke it outside and take the dog for a walk….  

This little girl is fantastic!

No matter how good she looks,

some other guy is sick and tired

of putting up with her.

Men’ s Room Linda’s Bar and Grill

Chapel Hill, NC

Yeah, ain’t karma a pain.

It’s hard to make a comeback

when you haven’t been anywhere.

Written in the dust on the back of a bus

Wickenburg , AZ

Make love, not war.

Hell, do both…

GET MARRIED!

Women’s restroom

The Filling Station, Bozeman , MT

If voting could really change things,

it would be illegal.

Revolution Books

New York , New York

Express Lane:

Five beers or less.

Sign over one of the urinals

Ed Debevic’s, Phoenix , AZ

As it is for all of us!

You’re too good for him..

Sign over mirror in Women’s restroom

Ed Debevic’s, Beverly Hills , CA

No wonder you always go home alone.

Sign over mirror in Men’s restroom,

Ed Debevic’s, Beverly Hills , CA

My dear friends, thanks for being along for the ride today.  May God Bless you all with love and happiness until we meet again.

I just finished up the Independence Day episode. That was really something.  So, since I’m going back to work soon, I want to at least get this one started since it comes out the day after the last one.  It is just a regular issue, which means that we’re just here to have fun!

So, let’s have some fun!

Okay, this one is from Stephanie.  Make sure you turn the volume on and pay attention.  It is outstanding.  Click here:  HERE

Since we’re doing stuff from Stephanie, here’s another pretty good one.  Click here.

HERE

This is an incredibly interesting article sent in by Stephanie.  I’m putting it together by bits and pieces.  WELL worth the read.

I’m a Christian pastor who was born in Egypt. Here are 3 facts I learned about Iran’s nuclear obsession

Attacks by Israel and the United States against Iran’s nuclear facilities have dealt a serious setback to the clerics’ nuclear ambitions—but don’t be misled

I don’t think I’ve shown this one to you guys yet.  Took this one at about 2 in the afternoon I believe.  Here was the day.  Sunny to start the day, then pour down rain, then sunny, then big time thunderstorm to close down the flightline, then this picture…the thunderstorm is fading away behind me.  I guess you can’t really tell from this picture, but the sky was the bluest blue and the clouds were the whitest white.  God was really showing off that day.

Not the first time I’ve seen this, but I’m just using this as a reminder for me to get mine installed.  It’s my 4th of July weekend project.

Yup … been there.

I got a short, interesting email from a long time reader, but (I think) a first time commenter.  It’s kind of nice when you start a poll, people reply AND comment on other things that they care about.  I LOVE hearing about what you guys care about even when it’s something that you might think goes against my grain.  For instance, several of you have said something similar to, “I love reading you stuff, even when I don’t agree with you.” 

Well, I really don’t expect you to agree with me all the time.  That would be kind of insane, wouldn’t it?  Like I told one reader, I would expect that you would laugh at the stuff that you thought was funny, ignore the stuff that you didn’t, and hope that there was more of the first than the second.  If it gets to the point where the ratio is backwards, well then I guess there are other places to get your laugh on.  Once a year I ask for donations and if it ever gets to the point where the bills aren’t paid, then I’ll have my answer.

ANYWAY, so I’ve gotten off track … man, I must be getting old…our reader, we’ll call him Jim, asked or stated, really, that he has been a faithful reader for many years and he would like to see a better grade of humor or at least a few jokes in each issue that a guy could tell his friends and not get a weird look back.  Now, he made me think for a minute and I think I know what he’s talking about.  You’re sitting around at the the diner with your buddies drinking coffee in the morning and you want to make them laugh, but everyone’s already heard all of your jokes, right?  So how about a joke or two each issue – fit for morning coffee and the guys – that your buddies haven’t already heard a dozen times.

So, we need some ground rules, right?

• It’s gotta be easy enough to remember to bring to the diner.
• It’s gotta be clean enough (but not too clean) because Mrs. Olsen could be sitting at the next table and …well…you know how SHE is.
• It’s gotta be funny!
• It’s gotta be something that the guys haven’t heard before.

Can anybody think of anything else?  If not, then that’s our new tasking and our new category and we’re going to call it:

or

or

I think I like Jokes over coffee best, but we’ll see…so, to start us out, let me see what I have in the files…it’s pretty slim pickin’s right now…  Okay, so I got two of them from Joe from NJ, so here’s the first one:

Beverly, 90 years young, had played golf every single day since her retirement 25 years ago. But one evening, she returned home looking unusually downcast. 

Gus paused for a moment, then scratched his head. “…I don’t remember.”

Okay and here’s the second one:

Beatrice’s nephew was 4 when she was pregnant with her first kid. She allowed him to place his hand on her belly and feel the baby kick. 

His little face scrunched and said, “How does the baby get out of there?” 

She wanted to keep it simple so she said, “The doctor will help.” 

His eyes widened in amazement as he exclaimed, “You’ve got a doctor in there, too?”

Okay, so looking for some feedback here folks.  On the idea, on the logos, which one do you like best, and most of all, send me some jokes!

7 Baffling Design Choices Found in the Wild (June 29, 2025)

Yeah, some of them are WAY wild!

Used to LOVE that game!!!!!

Me, too.  And apparently so are everyone else on this page. LOL! LOL!

While in a pub in England, a condom machine in the men’s room had this on the ad: “Manufactured to strict British standards.” 

Underneath, someone had scratched, “So was the Titanic.”

And that brings us to the end of this episode, but not before we give an update to…

So, we’ve gotten some more inputs on our generations  poll, but it’s becoming OVERWHELMING that we’re all boomers around here.  LOL!  Here’s the current results.

This, of course, is the bottom of my spreadsheet that shows a whooping 76.9% boomer rate.  Granted, we still only have 26 people out of potential thousands who could have replied, but really, I guess that’s about a good enough sample.  I’ll continue to take updates and remind you of the poll and see where it leads us, but for the time being, that’s pretty cool.

In the meantime, may God Bless you with love and happiness until we meet again.

Happy birthday America!  Two-hundred, forty-nine years old. 

If I make it another year, and before you freak out, there’s no reason to think that I won’t, but there is reason to think that the Rapture could happen between now and then, and we can talk about that later. 

Ahem…as I was saying … If I make it another year, I will have seen both the 200th and the 250th anniversary of the greatest country ever! 

Mind you, I do believe that the country was much greater in its past then it is now, but it is STILL a GREAT country.  And I will defend her with my life if necessary.  My oath has not and will not expire.

So, let’s celebrate!

Boy, ain’t that the truth!  Or working two full-time and two part-time jobs at the same time to make ends meet.  Yes, I did that for almost two years.

Whoever said, “Out of sight, Out of mind” never had a spider disappear in the bedroom.

She says I keep pushing her buttons. 

If that were true, I would have found ‘mute’ by now.

Wife: You pick dinner.
Husband: Burger.
Wife: No.
Husband: Tacos.
Wife: No.
Husband: Subs.
Wife: No
Husband: Then what do you want?
Wife: It’s up to you.
WELCOME TO MARRIAGE

What happens when a microscope crashes into a telescope?

 

They kaleidoscope. 

I once envied people who could do cartwheels and such, but now I’m jealous of anyone who can get up off the floor without making grunting noises and holding onto furniture.

I’m so poor, I rub cologne from magazines on my shirt.  When people say, “Oh, you smell good, what is that?” I say, “Page 14.”

I love eye jokes…

The cornea the better.

My going out clothes have missed me so much. I put them on and they hugged me so tightly, I could barely breathe.

In High School I was so excited to become a Senior.

 

I’m not too excited now.

I had no idea I  had this many 4th of July memes.  I don’t think I’m even close to  the end.  I don’t even want to check.

Yeah, I just checked…there’s a LOT!

Wow!  Happy Birthday America!  I had no idea I had that many memes and I left some out.  LOL!  I don’t know how else to say it…what a great country.  Be safe my friends, have a great day!