I want to be honest with you. 

I’m not doing well and I don’t know why. 

I  have bouts of depression (and who can blame me, I’m in constant pain, I miss my wife, I’m lonely all the time, I have reasons) but they are usually short lived and of no significant consequence.

But, I have been stuck in a dark hole for over a week now and instead of getting better, I think I’m actually getting worse.  I texted my buddy Wheats, who at this point is about my longest friend I’m still in contact with and I told him that “I can’t seem to get motivated to be happy about anything.”  Buddy Wheats is my blood brother from long back.  He understands.  He was my roommate in Germany.  1980.  That’s over 45 years now.  

I can usually find something to be happy about.  Find something to get motivated over.  Now, don’t get me wrong.  I know I am still blessed by God and I take huge comfort in that.  I know my ministry is important and I find joy in the preparation and the enactment of that.  But in my life…it’s not there. 

I need to spend more time in prayer, I’m sure of that.  I’m just not doing that.

I counsel others in how they need to spend more time counseling with the Father and I can be honest enough with myself that I need to follow my own prescription.  

And writing is my best outlet for my feelings and my thoughts.  Sadly, I can’t just write.  I have to write TO somebody.  I have never been able to have a diary.  Never worked for me.  So, you guys get it.

Sorry about that.

So let’s move on, and I’ll let you know how it works out.

 

What a GREAT meme to start with!  Consider this in relation to my opening paragraphs…

We learned that cats make lousy pets!  Dogs don’t do that kind of crap!

Truth little buddy.  But girls are fun in other ways…when you get a bit bigger.

I’m not sure why the author of this particular meme picked out Gretchen Whitmer to call out, but there you have it.

I’m not sure if I used this video in the last episode or not…same with the next video I use, but they are funny enough that they are worth repeating.  This one is just super cute.

Ain’t that the truth…

This is from our brother Stephen B.  This is an AI generated picture of the train movements for the NYC Subway System.  Each movement is supposed to be a 3 minute time lapse.  I have no idea if it is factual or not, but it is interesting to watch.

Hence Dragon Laffs!

Take that to heart, campers.  That is a really tough lesson to learn the hard way.

Welcome to modern medicine.  If you think this isn’t done on purpose you are one of the deceived.  

That is so very true.  I didn’t realize it would last so long.

Except a lot of them aren’t.

We took a friend to dinner at a restaurant that offered free refills of nonalcoholic drinks. 

Before the main course arrived, she kept the waitress scurrying for refills. 

When our friend asked for yet another, the waitress raised an eyebrow and asked, 

“What did you have for lunch–a sponge?

When I was managing restaurants, I actually had one of my servers tell me that a customer asked to speak to the manager.  When I went to the table the customer complained to me that the waitress had been rude to him.  When I asked how, that’s exactly what he said to me!!!  Of course I said I’d take care of it.  I pulled her in the back and we laughed and laughed.

More truth.

I laughed so hard at that one!

Mrs.  Applebee, the 6th grade teacher, posed the following problem to one of her arithmetic classes: 

“A wealthy man dies and leaves ten million dollars.  One-fifth is to go to his wife, one-fifth is to go to his son, one-sixth to his butler, and the rest to charity.  Now, what does each get?” 

After a very long silence in the classroom, Little Morris raised his hand. 

The teacher called on Little Morris for his answer. 

With complete sincerity in his voice, Little Morris answered, “A lawyer!” 

Wow!  So much truth in today’s issue.

Izzy tells me the new Snow White movie is bombing really bad.  Hmmm, I wonder why?

Remember, we talked about this…the grain of sand out in the midst of the universe.

Okay, here’s the other video that I wasn’t sure if I played last episode or not…

A wealthy man was having an affair with an Italian woman for several years. 

One night, during one of their rendezvous, she confided in him that she was pregnant. 

Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he paid her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child. 

If she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18.

She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born. 

To keep it discrete, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write “Spaghetti” on the back. He would then arrange for child support payments to begin. 


One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife.”Honey,” she said, “you received a very strange post card today.” 

Flustered, he said “Oh, just give it to me and I’ll explain it.” 

The wife obeyed, and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted. 

On the card was written: 

“Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti. Two with meatballs, one without.” 

NO DOUBT!!

In the middle of his sermon, the visiting Minster stopped, and called one of the ushers. He pointed to a man in the 5th row. “That man is sound asleep, go and wake him.” 

The usher shook his head and said, “Wake him yourself, you put him to sleep!”

Little Johnny and his family lived in the country, and as a result, they seldom had guests. Johnny was eager to help his mother after his father appeared with two dinner guests from the office. 

When the dinner was nearly over, Little Johnny went to the kitchen and proudly carried in the first piece of apple pie, giving it to his father, who passed it to a guest. Little Johnny came in with a second piece of pie and gave it to his father, who again gave it to a guest. 

This was too much for Little Johnny, who said, “It’s no use, Dad. The pieces are all the same size.”

That’s it for this one my friends.  May you all be blessed by God until we meet again.  My love to you all.

Well, I really thought I had started this issue earlier, but then I couldn’t find it, so I’m starting it again.  Or maybe I’m just getting old and confused.  Who knows.

So, let’s start this one either here or again, and who cares, right?

Today, for me is Sunday, 6 April.  I’m not really sure when this is going to be for you guys.  I think I’m at least a week ahead.  It’s got to be Easter week, so let’s throw some Easter stuff in there as well.  So, let’s get started, shall we?

Love math humor.

I told Izzy that I was going to give this to her as her new window sticker.

Now that they are retired, my mother and father are discussing all aspects of their future. “What will you do if I die before you do?” Dad asked Mom. 

After some thought, she said that she’d probably look for a house sharing situation with three other single or widowed women who might be a little younger than herself, since she is so active for her age. 

Then Mom asked Dad, “What will you do if I die first?” 

He replied, “Probably the same thing.”

No kidding.  Now there’s a tradition that probably could use a resurgence.  

That is so true.  And says so much more about the truth of things than anything else.

A fellow decided to decorate his bedroom. He wasn’t sure how many rolls of wallpaper he would need but he knew that the Irishman who lived next door had recently done the same job and the two rooms were identical in size. 

“Murphy,” he asked, “How many rolls of wallpaper did you buy for your bedroom?” 

“Ten” said Murphy.

So the fellow bought the ten rolls of paper and did the job. It looked wonderful, but he had 2 rolls of wallpaper left over. 

“Murphy,” he said. “I bought ten rolls of wallpaper for the bedroom, but I’ve got 2 left over!” 

“Dat’s funny,” said Murphy. “So did I.”

This is the coin that I carry in my pocket all the time.  It is my touchstone.  My “reach in my pocket and know my God is with me all the time.

And actually, I always carry two of them (and I always keep several of them in a drawer at home) so that I always have an extra one to give to someone who needs it.  The 23rd Psalm is my favorite passage for so many different reasons.  It promises so many different blessings.  One of these days I’ll write a real essay, or even maybe a book on this, but let me give you a very quick break down.

PSALM 23

The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.  If the Lord is my shepherd, than I am a sheep and sheep are some of the stupidest creatures ever created.  The shepherd does everything for them.  The only thing he doesn’t do is eat for them, but he has to lead them to food, protect them, gather them, keep them safe at night, EVERYTHING.  And the Lord does that for us…if we let Him, we will want for nothing.

2 He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.  Green pastures and still waters.  The most peaceful and perfect place for a sheep and for us.  Rest and relaxation, comfort in the protective arms of our Lord.

3 He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.  All of these things restores my soul by following Him.  Following God’s righteous path, keeps our souls safe.

4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil:  for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.  You know, the valley is not necessarily the bad place.  The valley is protected from the storms and the winds.  The good shepherd uses his rod and his staff to guide and protect his sheep, and Jesus tells us that He will always be beside us, so why should we ever fear anything?

And that’s just the first four verses, and just very, very minor interpretations of those verses.  What they mean to mean on the surface level.  You see what I mean about writing a real essay some day…or maybe something even longer.

Two men were discussing cars and one of them mentioned he had once owned a Rolls-Kinardly. 

“What is a Rolls-Kinardly?” his friend asked.

“That is a car that rolls down one hill and kin hardly get up the next.”

Really need to check for typos before they post those things.

43 Hilarious Parents Who Made It Their Life’s Mission To Embarrass Their Kids

My wife is scared of thunderstorms. The constant rattling of the windows is pretty frightening, but if I let her in now, she’ll just get everything wet.

That’s it my friends, until next time!

Well, we just went through a severe thunderstorm watch and warning, and a tornado warning, had said severe thunderstorm come through (storm line #1) and we are waiting for line #2 and #3 to come through.  It’s going to be an interesting night. 

Just another night in Northern Indiana.  This stuff happens around here all the time. 

And … just now they cancelled the tornado watch, the thunderstorm watch and warning and now all is right with the world!

Just like that.

And it’s just like they say, “If you don’t like the weather in Indiana, just wait a minute.”

But, from here, we’ll move on to … 

 

It should say BRB if you REALLY believed.

Definitely a niche market for that last one.

And a small market for that one, too…although I could help with that one.

One of my favorite albums of all time!  1971… I was not quite 13 years old.  Going on 54 years old.  I wonder if any of those guys are still alive.  Here’s what Google had to say:

And EVERYONE should get that one!

To anyone who has ever worked in retail or food service, you have got to read this next one because it is OH SO TRUE!

75 Times Customers Proved Beyond A Shadow Of A Doubt That They Are The Dumbest People On Planet Earth

I read it and then had to go back and read it to Izzy to remind her of her Dollar General days.  We both got a great laugh out of it.  Well worth the read.

This next one really messes with your head.  Works exactly as it says.

Miss Jones had been giving her second-grade students a lesson on science. 

She had explained about magnets and showed how they would pick up nails and other bits of iron.  

Now it was question time, and she asked, “My name begins with the letter ‘M’ and I pick up things. What am I?” 

A little boy on the front row proudly said, “You’re a mother!” 

The evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t. 

And that’s it my friends, until next time.

I want to start by answering some mail. 

This is from our dear friend Wouter in South Africa who writes:
Good morning Bob and fellow campers. A few years ago I saw a Calvin & Hobbes cartoon that really touched me. (I unfortunately deleted it) It was a 2 panel cartoon if I remember correctly. In the first one Calvin is really very old and Hobbes says to him that his time has come and he came to fetch him. The second panel shows them walking of (to heaven I presume) hand in paw. Is there anybody that has this cartoon?
Well brother, I did a search and this is all I could come up with.  It’s not by the original artist, but still…

Anybody got anything else?

Well, the next message is from Puckmeister and it’s just short and sweet…

My sincere Gratitude for your Posts

Stay Safe……Be Blessed

Semper Fi

Thank you brother
Semper Fi

Now, let’s get into the laughter.  I’m ready, how about you?

There were two old geezers living in the backwoods of the Ozarks…. Rufus and Clarence. 

They lived on opposite sides of the river, and they hated each other. Every morning, just after sun-up, Rufus and Clarence would go down to their respective sides of the river and yell at each other. 

“Rufus!!” Clarence would shout. “You better thank yor lucky stars I cain’t swim….er I’d swim this river and whup your arse!!” 

“Clarence!!!” Rufus would holler back. “You better thank YOUR lucky stars that I can’t swim…er I’d swim this river and whup your skinny arse!!!” 

This happened every morning for twenty years. 

One day the Army Corps of Engineers comes along and build a bridge. 

Still, every morning, every day for another five years this yelling across the river ! goes on, even with the bridge. 

Finally … Mrs. Rufus had had enough. “Rufus!” she squallers one day. “I cain’t take no more!! Ever’ day for 25 years you’ve been threatenin’ to whup Clarence. Well, there’s the bridge … have at it.” 

Rufus thought for a moment. Chewed his bottom lip for another moment. “Woman!” he declared, snapping his suspenders into place, “I’m gonna cross that thar bridge and I’m gonna whup Clarence’s arse!!!” 

He walked out the door, down to the river, along the riverbank, came to the bridge, stepped up onto the bridge, walked about halfway over the bridge, looked up…. TURNED TAIL AND RAN SCREAMING BACK TO THE HOUSE, SLAMMED THE DOOR, BOLTED THE WINDOWS, GRABBED THE SHOTGUN AND DOVE, PANTING AND GASPING, UNDER THE BED!!!!! 

“Rufus!” cried the missus. “I thought you wuz gonna whup Clarence’s butt!!!” 

“I was, woman, I was!!” he whispered. 

“Rufus!” cried the missus. “What in tarnation is the matter?” 

“Well,” muttered the terror-stricken Rufus, ” I went to the bridge…… I stepped up on the bridge…..walked halfway over the bridge…. looked up…..” 

“And?” asked Mrs. Rufus, breathless with suspense. 

“And,” continued Rufus, “I saw a sign that said ‘Clearance, 13 feet, 6 inches’.  Shit he ain’t never looked that big from the other side of the river!!!!!!!”

Two Jewish businessmen met at a resort. 

One who had recently retired was describing his life, “I get up late in the morning. I have a fantastic breakfast and then I lie down on my veranda and relax. I go inside for lunch, have great salads, the best coffee, and I go out and lie on my veranda again. When it gets dark I have a great dinner with the finest wines. I smoke a Cuban cigar. Then I go lie on my veranda again.” 

The other Jewish gentleman acknowledges that this is a life to be envied. Later he reported the conversation to his wife. She asked, “What’s his wife’s name?” 

Her husband said, “I’m not sure, but I think its Veranda.” 

I want to go there, so bad!

 “Let’s just walk up the hill to the terminal, rather than wait for the bus,” I suggested to my two young sons.  Much to their displeasure, we began our walk. 

After a while, my seven-year-old son asked: “Mom, why do you always make the decisions?” 

“Because I’m an adult,” I said.  “When you become an adult, you’ll make the decisions.” 

He thought for a few seconds, then said, “No, I won’t.  Then I’ll have a wife.” 

A young woman, feeling morning dizziness and strange cravings, goes to see a gynecologist. 

After a thorough examination, the Doctor tells her: “Well, my dear, I am puzzled; the test shows that you are pregnant, but when I examined you, I found that you are still a virgin. I mean, your hymen is not ruptured, except for seven tiny holes, a little more than pinpricks, actually…. by the way, what did you say your name was?” 

“My name is Snow White”, replies the girl.

I told my wife I feel old, fat, bald, useless, and stupid. 

She said, “Don’t be silly you re not old.”

Nebraska Law 

If a child burps during church, his parent may be arrested. 

And that’s it my friends.  My love and blessings to you all.  

Issue #2,400… incredible. I can’t believe it. 

In June it will be 19 years.  That averages to 128 episodes a year … not bad. 

ROFLMAO!!! 

I just thought of something … harsh! 

And now I feel terrible about thinking about it and most especially about laughing about it.

But, really, only about that much…

Okay, so here’s my thought…

Dragon Laffs has lasted significantly longer than my previous marriage did.  I know, right?  Funny, but still….  moving on to other things.

Two-thousand, four-hundred episodes…I can’t believe it.  So, let’s get this extra-special show started, shall we?

A blind man and his guide dog enter a bar and find their  way to a barstool. After ordering a drink, and sitting  there for a while, the blind guy yells to the bartender,  “Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?”

The bar immediately becomes absolutely quiet. In a husky,  deep voice, the woman next to him says, “Before you  tell that joke, you should know something. The  bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde and I’m a  6’tall, 200 pound blonde with a black belt in karate.  What’s more, the woman sitting next to me is blonde  and she’s a weightlifter. The lady to your right is a  blonde, and she’s a pro wrestler. Think about it  seriously, mister. You still wanna tell that blonde  joke?”

The blind guy says, “Nah, not if I’m gonna have to  explain it five times.”

Okay, you can get there…
King James says: casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.
(My preferred) ESV: casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.
The other versions are similar.  Cast all your cares, worries, anxieties, doubts and such on God.  How do we do that?  By prayer.  We leave it to God.  Why?  Because He cares for us.  The meme gets there, but it’s kind of a weird translation.

“The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That’s where we come in; we’re computer professionals. We cause accidents. ” 

Nathaniel Borenstein (1957 – ) 

God uses all of us, where we are.

This one is from Joe in NJ and he is correct in how true this is.

The average man’s life consists of – 

– Twenty years of having his mother ask him where he is going; 

– Forty years of having his wife ask the same question; 

– And at the end, the mourners wondering too.

The mourners may wonder, but if you know Jesus as your Savior, then you needn’t wonder.

I always found it counter productive when a teacher would say, ‘Don’t get smart with me”.

I really used to like my psychic, until I threw her a surprise party and it worked 

I’m always on the edge of my seat when I’m at the circus. It’s just so in tents

I thought it would be cool to have Velcro shoes, but it turns out they’re a total rip off.

Are people born with a photographic memory or does it take time to develop?

 My teachers told me I’d never amount to much because I procrastinate so much. I told them, you just wait.

The other day I yelled into a colander and I strained my voice.

 A five-dollar bill walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Hey. This is a singles bar.”

 I’m not saying that I’m a bad driver…but when I drive, my navigation device doesn’t speak, it prays in Latin.

Has anyone else used WD-40 to get rid of mice? It didn’t work for me, but it did stop the squeaking.

I gave my friend an apple, and she told me she preferred pears, so I gave her another apple.

 I was shocked when I found out my toaster wasn’t water proof.

My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married… I didn’t want him to.

What did the DNA say to the other DNA? Do these genes make me look fat?

 I was looking forward to going on one of those Viking River Cruises until I found out they don’t actually let you pillage anything.

 Albert Einstein was a genius, but his brother Frank was a monster.

I was told that after a vasectomy I wouldn’t have kids anymore. But when I got home
they were still there…

Okay, this next one is really pretty cool!

I managed a pet store that specialized in sales of tropical fish. 

One afternoon shortly after Christmas a lady called with the astonishing report that her fish were drinking too much water. After a brief pause, I asked her how on earth she knew that. 

“Well,” she replied, “I noticed that they were gulping all the time and when I woke up this morning I discovered that the aquarium water was half gone.” 

I had to put down the phone and laugh for a good minute or two before I could summon the composure to tell her that she needed to check the floor for the water that had leaked out overnight and bring the tank back in for a replacement.

When Senator John Kennedy of Louisiana speaks, I listen. While I’ve often referred to him as “the Will Rogers of Congress,” Bruce Carlton called him “The Will Rogers of our time.”

This collection of his quips is priceless.

Bruce Carlson:

Southerners have a way with words, some better than others. Start the year with some Truthful Humor: Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy . The Will Rogers of our time.

Kennedy graduated Magna cum Laude from Vanderbilt, has a  Law degree from the University of Virginia and a degree from Oxford in England .  He is no country bumpkin; he is very insightful & a bit humorous.

Comment about Cuomo lecturing us. “It’s like a frog calling you ugly”.

–Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy

This election in Ga will be the most important in history.  You have nothing to worry about unless you are a taxpayer, parent, gun owner, cop, person of faith, or an unborn baby!

– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy

Senator John Kennedy from Louisiana describes Democrats as the “well-intended arugula and tofu crowd.”

– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy

You can only be young once, but you can always be immature.

– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy

Americans are thinking, there are some good members of Congress but we can’t figure out what they are good for.  Others are thinking, how did these morons make it through the birth canal.”

– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy

It’s as dead as four o’clock.

– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy

Always follow your heart…..but take your brains with you.

– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy

The short answer is ‘No.’   The long answer is ‘Hell No.’

– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy

It must suck to be that dumb.

– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy

When the Portland mayor’s IQ gets to 75, he oughta sell.

– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy

I keep trying to see Nancy Pelosi and Chuck Schumer’s point of view, but I can’t seem to get my head that far up my ass.

– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy

Go sell your crazy somewhere else…we are all stocked up here.

– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy

She has a Billy goat brain and a mockingbird mouth!

– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy

Sen. John Kennedy (R., La.) said on Wednesday that he trusted most Middle Eastern countries as much as gas station sushi.

– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy

You can get a goat to climb a tree, but you’d be better off hiring a squirrel.

– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy

1. This has been going on since Moby Dick was a minnow.

2. Don’t stand between a dog and a fire hydrant.

– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy

Our country was founded by geniuses, but it’s being run by idiots.

– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy

It appears that he might do the right thing, but only when closely supervised and cornered like a rat.

– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy

Dumb enough to be a twin of himself.

– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy

This is why space aliens won’t talk to us.

– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy

Democrats are running around like they found a hair in their biscuit.

– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy

Chuck Schumer just moo’s and follows Nancy Pelosi into the cow chute.

– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy

What planet did you parachute in from?

– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy

Just because you CAN sing doesn’t mean you should.

– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy

Senator John Kennedy on Nancy Pelosi, “She can strut sitting down!”

– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy

THE EVOLUTION POPULATION PROBLEM

Evolutionary scientists believe that man has existed for over a million years, and their belief has overwhelming issues. Using the assumption of 43 years, for the average human generation, the population growth over a million years would produce 23,256 consecutive generations. We calculate the expected population by starting with one couple one million years ago and use the same assumption of 43 year generation and 2.5 children per family. The evolutionary theory of a million years of growth would produce trillions and trillions and trillions of people that should be alive today on our planet. (Taking wars, famine, and natural disasters into account)

To help understand, the number is much greater than the total number of atoms in our expansive universe. Furthermore, if mankind lived on earth for millions of years, we would all be standing on an enormous mountain of bones from trillions of skeletons of those who had died in past generations. However, despite tremendous archaeological and scientific investigation in the last two centuries, scientists have not found a fraction of the trillions of skeletons predicted by the theory of evolutionary scientists. Where are all the bodies?

Funny enough, as Creationists, we have the expected population if the world started with 2 people, 6000 years ago, and then 8 people 4,500 years ago. Yes, it’s true!

Now the follow 0n article…

Billions of People in Thousands of Years?

Creationists are often asked, “How is it possible for the earth’s population to reach billions of people if the world is only about 6,000 years old and if there were just two humans in the beginning?” Here is what a little bit of simple arithmetic shows us.

A traveling salesman was driving through the country late one night when his car died. 

Seeing a farmhouse nearby, he knocked on the door. 

“My car broke down,” the salesman explained to the farmer who answered. “Could I possibly spend the night here?” 

“Yes,” said the farmer, “but you’ll have to share a bed with my son.” 

“Uh-oh,” the salesman replied, “I must be in the wrong joke.”

I hope you enjoyed this extra-long, extra-special edition of your favorite ezine.  It was fun putting it together.  Until we meet again, my love to you all.