Sunday afternoon, relaxing, re-watching The Chosen season 5, and spending time with you, my family.

Izzy is upstairs taking a nap, Pepper is upstairs with her, also napping, Willow is in her bed doing … guess what? 

You got it! 

Napping! 

So it’s just you, me, and the Chosen.  All the females in this house are asleep.  Being the only male in the house, you would think, would have its privileges, but alas, I have none. But there are times, such as now, when all the house is quiet, and I am at peace, doing what I want, that it’s awfully nice around here.  So, whaddaya say we jump into the fun stuff?

A Woman’s Rule of Thumb:

If it has tires or testicles,

you’re going to have trouble with it.

Women’s restroom

Dick’s Last Resort, Dallas , TX

Yeah, I’m getting to the bottom of the pile, so some of them may be a little dated

HAPPINESS

To be happy with a man, 
you must understand him a lot 
and love him a little.

 

To be happy with a woman, 
you must love her a lot and 
not try to understand her at all.

If I could interrupt this broadcast for just a moment for a special thank you.

As you know, towards the end of August I begin my annual ask for donations to cover my yearly expenses.  The only time during the year that I ask.  My bit is that I’ll know that what I’m doing is still worthwhile if I get enough donations to cover my expenses for the year.  If I don’t, then I know it’s time to wrap it up and try something different.  Anyway, that’s the quick background.

Pop Smith recently asked me about that and I told him and he made a very generous donation early. 

You know my habit is to recognize the donor, but not the amount because I believe that every donation is from the heart and friends and family give what they can.  Doesn’t matter how much.  Go read about the Widow’s mite if you want to read a wonderful story about giving.

Thank you Pop.  Your generosity is deeply appreciated.

Now, back to our laffter. 

Okay, pay attention.  THE WORST TIME EVER ON EARTH.  EVER!  If you are not prepared to be gone in the Rapture, which could possibly happen at ANYTIME, you better GET THAT WAY! Soon.

Okay, back to our regularly scheduled programing.

On his first visit to the zoo, a little boy stared at the caged stork for a long time. 

He waved, jumped up and down, and stared at the stork a while longer. 

Finally, turning to his father, he exclaimed, “Gee, dad, he doesn’t recognize me.”

And drugs.  Don’t forget drugs.

So, we got our first submissions for this category and they both come from Stephen B.

A Truck Driver’s Duty

A truck driver was heading down the highway when he saw a priest at the side of the road. Feeling it was his duty, he stopped to give the priest a ride. 

A short time later, he saw a lawyer with a briefcase on the side of the road and aimed his truck at him.

At the last second, he thought of the priest with him and realized he couldn’t run over the lawyer, so he swerved, but he heard a thump anyway. 

Looking back as he drove on, he didn’t see anything.

He began to apologize for his behavior to the priest. “I’m sorry, Father. I barely missed that lawyer at the side of the road.”

But the priest said, “Don’t worry, son. I got him with my door.”

Driving Test

My wife was upset when she told me she had failed her driving test.
I said, “Oh no, what did they pull you up on?”

My wife replied, “A rope. The car’s still in the canal.”

I’ve heard so many different variations of this joke it’s incredible.  

Do you know someone who seems to know everything? When asked why, they say, “A little birdie told me.” Did you know they probably aren’t lying? It is a little known fact that there are little birds that fly very fast, are never seen, and they are everywhere. – Thus, these creatures are called “Flies Unseen Everywhere” or FUE for short.

These birds have an extensive communications network, and they can generally find out anything from anywhere quite quickly. Some of these birds befriend certain individuals and communicate with them by making clucking sounds, much like a chicken. They are not dumb like chickens, however, and can establish a sort of clucking language with the lucky person they befriend.

This person is then the one who is always in the know; one step ahead of the competition. And those people who seem to be in the dark? Those who just don’t get it? Those who’s standard response to any given question is, “Huh?”

Why I think it should be pretty obvious to all, now, that the reason is simply because they don’t have a clucking FUE. 

Painting a turtle’s shell isn’t harmless; it’s a silent form of cruelty. 

Its shell is alive, full of nerves and blood vessels. Through it, it breathes, regulates its temperature, and senses. Covering it with paint blocks its ability to absorb sunlight, essential for its metabolism and bone development. It also prevents it from naturally eliminating bacteria and fungi. Many die slowly from infections or poisoning. 

It’s not art. It’s suffering. And often, a torture that ends in silence.

I have to say, I had no idea!  Of course, when I showed it to Izzy, she knew exactly what it was.  What a smart kid I have.

Okay, admit it.  As soon as you saw this photo, you could smell it.  I know I could!

I laughed SO HARD at some of these next ones.  This is well worth the click.  

Thanks to Stephanie for sending this one in.

In every relationship there is a person who loads the dishwasher like a Scandinavian architect and the other who loads it like a one-armed raccoon on meth.

And with that bit of insane wisdom, we’ll close for today.  Since I’ve gotten some updates, let’s do this:

And my good friend Jonathon writes to me and says:

We just got through 3 episodes in a row, thanks to Independence Day.  I’m actually working on this one on the 4th, while relaxing in my living room, it’s early afternoon.  I slept WAY in this morning.  It was almost 8 when I got up.  That’s because Izzy and I were over at a friends house last night for a pre-fourth cook out.  She swam in their pool and I caught up with an old friend.  A lady I used to work for almost 20 years at the Sheriff’s Dept.  We spent several hours catching up.  It was SO nice.  She looks almost exactly the same as she did 20 years ago.

So, let’s see, this one is for Monday the 7th.  So, I’m relatively caught back up again.  I was over a week and a half ahead at one point and now I’m staying fairly current.

So, let’s go ahead and get to the fun stuff, shall we?

And you don’t think your sign is a little …. nuts?

A pastor and his family (two children) were invited to attend a cousin’s high school graduation. He thought he’d prepare the kids, knowing how fidgety they can get. 

“Graduations are sometimes long, boring events,” he said.  “I want you guys to behave and not ask constantly when it’s going to be over.” 

“Don’t worry, Dad.  We’ll live,” the daughter replied.  “We last through all your sermons, don’t we?”

I got a special email from Pete:

I started trying Medical Marijuana to see if it would relieve any of this pain of mine. I’m not sure what this stuff is or where it came from but, IT IS NOT THE MARIJUANA from my youth.  I mean it was colorful and all sticky and it was some big flower top, it wasn’t a sandwich bag filled up with seeds and stems and there were no loose leaf pieces to pick out and roll.  I didn’t know what to do so, here I am pulling at this flower like I was doing “she loves me, she loves me not” trying to get something to roll and smoke.  That was not working so well so, I picked up the scissors, I thought I could just cut some of it up, oh nay nay, everything I touched was sticking to my figures now.  I’m standing there trying to release the scissors and for some reason I sat my other hand down on a tissue so, I could wipe the sweat out of my eyes, Well now I have a cheap tissue glued to all five fingers and the palm of my hand so I take my other hand, the one with the scissors still welded to it, and I’m going to try and pick off the tissue and my phone rings. It scares me, I jump, knock over my soda can and when I went to grab it I put the scissors right through the can and knock my phone on the floor.  Now instead of dealing with soda running out of the hole in the can, I go down after my phone, you know cause God forbid I broke my phone.  As I am bend over getting the phone the now emptying soda is running off the table onto my head and back, again startled, I straighten up real fast and hit my head on the table. So, there I stand, a mess of sticky tissue stuck to my wet phone, stuck to my one hand, scissors still hanging off the other hand, my soda all over the table and everything on it and a big puddle still dripping on the floor, I have soda running down my face into my eyes and my head and back are soaked with cold sticky soda and now I have a knot on my head.  Anyway after about an hour of clean up, I figured it out and got one rolled and smoked it. After all of that, I find that it not only looks nothing like what we used to smoke, there is just no effect to it either.  I rolled another one and decided to go smoke it outside and take the dog for a walk….  

This little girl is fantastic!

No matter how good she looks,

some other guy is sick and tired

of putting up with her.

Men’ s Room Linda’s Bar and Grill

Chapel Hill, NC

Yeah, ain’t karma a pain.

It’s hard to make a comeback

when you haven’t been anywhere.

Written in the dust on the back of a bus

Wickenburg , AZ

Make love, not war.

Hell, do both…

GET MARRIED!

Women’s restroom

The Filling Station, Bozeman , MT

If voting could really change things,

it would be illegal.

Revolution Books

New York , New York

Express Lane:

Five beers or less.

Sign over one of the urinals

Ed Debevic’s, Phoenix , AZ

As it is for all of us!

You’re too good for him..

Sign over mirror in Women’s restroom

Ed Debevic’s, Beverly Hills , CA

No wonder you always go home alone.

Sign over mirror in Men’s restroom,

Ed Debevic’s, Beverly Hills , CA

My dear friends, thanks for being along for the ride today.  May God Bless you all with love and happiness until we meet again.

I just finished up the Independence Day episode. That was really something.  So, since I’m going back to work soon, I want to at least get this one started since it comes out the day after the last one.  It is just a regular issue, which means that we’re just here to have fun!

So, let’s have some fun!

Okay, this one is from Stephanie.  Make sure you turn the volume on and pay attention.  It is outstanding.  Click here:  HERE

Since we’re doing stuff from Stephanie, here’s another pretty good one.  Click here.

HERE

This is an incredibly interesting article sent in by Stephanie.  I’m putting it together by bits and pieces.  WELL worth the read.

I’m a Christian pastor who was born in Egypt. Here are 3 facts I learned about Iran’s nuclear obsession

Attacks by Israel and the United States against Iran’s nuclear facilities have dealt a serious setback to the clerics’ nuclear ambitions—but don’t be misled

I don’t think I’ve shown this one to you guys yet.  Took this one at about 2 in the afternoon I believe.  Here was the day.  Sunny to start the day, then pour down rain, then sunny, then big time thunderstorm to close down the flightline, then this picture…the thunderstorm is fading away behind me.  I guess you can’t really tell from this picture, but the sky was the bluest blue and the clouds were the whitest white.  God was really showing off that day.

Not the first time I’ve seen this, but I’m just using this as a reminder for me to get mine installed.  It’s my 4th of July weekend project.

Yup … been there.

I got a short, interesting email from a long time reader, but (I think) a first time commenter.  It’s kind of nice when you start a poll, people reply AND comment on other things that they care about.  I LOVE hearing about what you guys care about even when it’s something that you might think goes against my grain.  For instance, several of you have said something similar to, “I love reading you stuff, even when I don’t agree with you.” 

Well, I really don’t expect you to agree with me all the time.  That would be kind of insane, wouldn’t it?  Like I told one reader, I would expect that you would laugh at the stuff that you thought was funny, ignore the stuff that you didn’t, and hope that there was more of the first than the second.  If it gets to the point where the ratio is backwards, well then I guess there are other places to get your laugh on.  Once a year I ask for donations and if it ever gets to the point where the bills aren’t paid, then I’ll have my answer.

ANYWAY, so I’ve gotten off track … man, I must be getting old…our reader, we’ll call him Jim, asked or stated, really, that he has been a faithful reader for many years and he would like to see a better grade of humor or at least a few jokes in each issue that a guy could tell his friends and not get a weird look back.  Now, he made me think for a minute and I think I know what he’s talking about.  You’re sitting around at the the diner with your buddies drinking coffee in the morning and you want to make them laugh, but everyone’s already heard all of your jokes, right?  So how about a joke or two each issue – fit for morning coffee and the guys – that your buddies haven’t already heard a dozen times.

So, we need some ground rules, right?

• It’s gotta be easy enough to remember to bring to the diner.
• It’s gotta be clean enough (but not too clean) because Mrs. Olsen could be sitting at the next table and …well…you know how SHE is.
• It’s gotta be funny!
• It’s gotta be something that the guys haven’t heard before.

Can anybody think of anything else?  If not, then that’s our new tasking and our new category and we’re going to call it:

or

or

I think I like Jokes over coffee best, but we’ll see…so, to start us out, let me see what I have in the files…it’s pretty slim pickin’s right now…  Okay, so I got two of them from Joe from NJ, so here’s the first one:

Beverly, 90 years young, had played golf every single day since her retirement 25 years ago. But one evening, she returned home looking unusually downcast. 

Gus paused for a moment, then scratched his head. “…I don’t remember.”

Okay and here’s the second one:

Beatrice’s nephew was 4 when she was pregnant with her first kid. She allowed him to place his hand on her belly and feel the baby kick. 

His little face scrunched and said, “How does the baby get out of there?” 

She wanted to keep it simple so she said, “The doctor will help.” 

His eyes widened in amazement as he exclaimed, “You’ve got a doctor in there, too?”

Okay, so looking for some feedback here folks.  On the idea, on the logos, which one do you like best, and most of all, send me some jokes!

7 Baffling Design Choices Found in the Wild (June 29, 2025)

Yeah, some of them are WAY wild!

Used to LOVE that game!!!!!

Me, too.  And apparently so are everyone else on this page. LOL! LOL!

While in a pub in England, a condom machine in the men’s room had this on the ad: “Manufactured to strict British standards.” 

Underneath, someone had scratched, “So was the Titanic.”

And that brings us to the end of this episode, but not before we give an update to…

So, we’ve gotten some more inputs on our generations  poll, but it’s becoming OVERWHELMING that we’re all boomers around here.  LOL!  Here’s the current results.

This, of course, is the bottom of my spreadsheet that shows a whooping 76.9% boomer rate.  Granted, we still only have 26 people out of potential thousands who could have replied, but really, I guess that’s about a good enough sample.  I’ll continue to take updates and remind you of the poll and see where it leads us, but for the time being, that’s pretty cool.

In the meantime, may God Bless you with love and happiness until we meet again.

Happy birthday America!  Two-hundred, forty-nine years old. 

If I make it another year, and before you freak out, there’s no reason to think that I won’t, but there is reason to think that the Rapture could happen between now and then, and we can talk about that later. 

Ahem…as I was saying … If I make it another year, I will have seen both the 200th and the 250th anniversary of the greatest country ever! 

Mind you, I do believe that the country was much greater in its past then it is now, but it is STILL a GREAT country.  And I will defend her with my life if necessary.  My oath has not and will not expire.

So, let’s celebrate!

Boy, ain’t that the truth!  Or working two full-time and two part-time jobs at the same time to make ends meet.  Yes, I did that for almost two years.

Whoever said, “Out of sight, Out of mind” never had a spider disappear in the bedroom.

She says I keep pushing her buttons. 

If that were true, I would have found ‘mute’ by now.

Wife: You pick dinner.
Husband: Burger.
Wife: No.
Husband: Tacos.
Wife: No.
Husband: Subs.
Wife: No
Husband: Then what do you want?
Wife: It’s up to you.
WELCOME TO MARRIAGE

What happens when a microscope crashes into a telescope?

 

They kaleidoscope. 

I once envied people who could do cartwheels and such, but now I’m jealous of anyone who can get up off the floor without making grunting noises and holding onto furniture.

I’m so poor, I rub cologne from magazines on my shirt.  When people say, “Oh, you smell good, what is that?” I say, “Page 14.”

I love eye jokes…

The cornea the better.

My going out clothes have missed me so much. I put them on and they hugged me so tightly, I could barely breathe.

In High School I was so excited to become a Senior.

 

I’m not too excited now.

I had no idea I  had this many 4th of July memes.  I don’t think I’m even close to  the end.  I don’t even want to check.

Yeah, I just checked…there’s a LOT!

Wow!  Happy Birthday America!  I had no idea I had that many memes and I left some out.  LOL!  I don’t know how else to say it…what a great country.  Be safe my friends, have a great day!

I like the picture above.  There’s only one problem with it that I can see.  Can you figure it out like I did?

That’s right!

There’s no way in Ticonderoga that the coffee would be the smallest container!  Complete fantasy!  Remember:

Yeah, one of my best.  Anyway, let’s get this one moving along.  I pretty much just finished the last one.  I think I’m about a week and a half ahead by now, so why slow down, right?

An American girl was visiting England and was invited to a party.

While dancing with a stuffy monocled Englishman, her necklace became unfastened and slipped down the back of her dress.

She asked the Englishman to retrieve the jewelry piece for her. 

He was very embarrassed but wishing to comply with her request he reached cautiously down the back of her gown. 

“I’m terribly sorry,” he said, “but I can’t seem to reach it.” 

“Try further down,” she said. 

At this point he noticed that he was being watched by everyone in the room which made him feel most uncomfortable and he whispered to the girl, “I feel such a perfect ass.”

“Never mind that!” she cried. “Just get the necklace.”

One of our friends of the show, Chris calls BS on one of the memes that was recently sent out out.  Remember this one?

Chris writes and says (and I hope all the links still work):

There are no credible news reports of Malia receiving funds from USAID.

A search on the USAspending website, which provides information on federal spending, shows no USAID, opens new tab funds were awarded to her. Two entries on the website show that the U.S. State Department allocated $41,022 for Malia’s protection, opens new tab and lodging, opens new tab in 2016, while Obama was still president.

The narrative first surfaced on February 9 on the Facebook page of America’s Last Line of Defense (ALLOD), a network of satirical pages and sites. The bio says, “Nothing on this page is real.” The post was shared by the page on three, opens new tab different, opens new tab days, opens new tab.

Outstanding work, Chris!  Thank you so much for doing the follow-up work and keeping the facts straight and keeping us honest here at DL.  I expect the great campers to do their homework when they send me stuff, but I understand that things sometimes slip through their fingers and with the hundreds of things that I get on a weekly basis there is now way that I have the time to check them all, so it is wonderful and comforting to know that I have friends out there that when it doesn’t pass their own smell test they go out and check it and feel comfortable enough with me that they can write back and say I screwed up.  Thanks again, Chris, it is deeply appreciated.

I got that last one from Izzy’s page.  It made me laugh, so I stole it.

It was their fifth anniversary, and Nina and Lloyd had just returned from the movies.

Nina was feeling romantic.

“Will you love me when my hair has turned to silver?” she crooned.

“Why not?” Lloyd grunted. “Didn’t I love you through 4 other shades?”

Stanley stops by to visit his friend who is paralyzed from the waist down. They talk for a while and then the friend asks, “My feet are cold. Would you be so kind as to go get me my house slippers please?”

Stanley obliges and goes upstairs. There he sees his friend’s daughters, both very good looking. Being the adventurous and quick thinking kind, he says…..

“Hi, ladies! Your daddy sent me here to have sex with you!”

They stare at him and say, “That can’t be!”

He replies, “OK, let’s check!”

He shouts at his friend down the stairs, “Both of them?”

…..”Yes, both of them!”

The Chief Resident remarked to the Unit Director of the busy ICU that there seemed to be an awful lot of expectant Nurses in their Unit.

As they were walking down the hall, he was becoming concerned about a possible staff shortage and inquired of the Director when each pregnant Nurse they passed was due.

Each time the Director would respond, “Some time in late September.” Coming upon the 5th expectant Nurse, he asked yet again.

The Director responded, “I have no idea Sir. Norma Jeanne wasn’t at the Christmas Party.”

An extremely obese woman shows up at her doctor’s office crying and claims that she has tried every possible way to lose weight, all to no avail.

She continues to sob, “My husband won’t make love to me any more. My friends make fun of me. Everywhere I go they tease me. I just can’t take it any more!”

The doctor, hoping to help her, proposes a radical diet … rectal feeding.

Reassuring the patient that she won’t starve to death, the doctor explains that she’ll actually take in enough nutrients, through the rectal walls, to sustain life and that she’s sure to lose weight in the process.

Three weeks later the patient comes in for a follow-up appointment and she’s down from her 360 pounds to a trim 110 pounds.

At first the doctor doesn’t recognize her and asks his nurse,

“Who is that beautiful lady in the waiting area?”

The nurse reminds the doctor that she’s the fat lady on the special, rectal diet.

The doctor show the patient into the exam room and notices that she’s bouncing up and down and side to side quite energetically.

The doctor asks how she’s doing and if there was anything wrong.

The patient replies, “I’m feeling great Doc. Never felt better!”

“In that case, why are you bouncing up and down and side to side?”

The patient replies, “Oh, that …

 …………. I’m just chewing gum.”

Back in my day, there was so much toilet paper and so many eggs that we would throw them at the houses of our enemies.

Wouldn’t it be ironic…

to die in the living room?

What if…one day Google was deleted and we couldn’t Google what happened to Google?

Please, Dear Lord, don’t EVER let that become me!

I can hear PETA and my Vegan friends screaming in the background…while I laugh and laugh.

And the frustration that we all felt when we tried to the point that we would erase a hole in the paper.

Nice!

It was a cartoon, dude.  Get over it.

At the young age of 5, a bear told me that I am the only person who can prevent forest fires.

 

Why I was chosen, I’ll never know.

What if dogs lick us because they know we have bones inside us and they want them?

Before we close, let’s go over the latest updates to our 

We are now up to a whooping 14 responses.  Here’s the current breakdown:
Lost Generation, 1883-1900 (142 to 125 years old) — 0 didn’t really expect any, did we?
Greatest, G.I. Gen, 1901-1927 (124 to 98 years old) — 0 still pretty low expectations 
Silent Generation, 1928-1945 (97 to 80 years old) –3 (21.43%) not bad
Baby Boomers, 1946-1964 (79 to 61 y/o) — 10 (71.43%) the overwhelming majority!
Generation X, 1965-1980 (60 to 45 y/o) — 1 (7.14%) I really expected more than 1
Millennials, Gen Y, 1981-1996 (44 to 29) — 0 actually kind of surprising
Zoomers, Gen Z, 1997-2012 (28 to 13) — 0 I would have to issue a parental advisory
Generation Alpha, 2013 – ? (12 years old and under) — 0 thank goodness!

So, come on!  How tough is it to drop me a fast comment to the website or a fast email to impishdragon@dragonlaffs.com ? 

“Hi, it’s Smokey.  I’m a Silent Gen and my wife is a Gen X.  Love the show!” 

See, it’s that easy! 

But I gotta say, Smokey, at the very best dude, you’re 20 years older than your wife…, now, that’s not bad if you got married when you were 60 and she was 40, but if you were 40 and she was 20…?  Or you were 35 and she was …

Anyway, none of my business. 

Still, it’s not that hard to write to the show, and see, we get to talk about you when you do! 

Although, maybe that’s not such a good selling point. 

Forget that last part. 

I really do love the comments that a lot of you add to your generation sends.  You guys should go to the website and read along…the website?  Well, for those of you who just get the email and never go to the website, it’s a really tough website to find.  It’s dragonlaffs.com.  I know, tough right?  Hard to remember.  Here, I’ll even link it for you. 

And that about does it for this issue.  Since this is about my last day off before I have to go back to work, I’ll get started on another issue as soon as I close out of this one.  This one is scheduled to come out on Thursday, 3 July, so I think I’ll do a special fourth of July episode!  So you may end up with an episode on Thursday (this one), Friday (the special), and Saturday!  Won’t that be awesome! 

So, in the meantime, may our Heavenly Father Bless you with Love and Happiness until we meet again!