Dragon Laffs

Good Morning Campers,

Well, we had the opportunity on Friday afternoon and had the whole family in the car and our county has early voting going on, so we went, as a family and voted.  Izzy Dragon got to vote for the very first time EVER!  It was way cool.  There was a bunch of older ladies running the precinct at the time and we told them that Izzy was voting for the first time ever and they really celebrated her.  There was only like four or five older people in line at the time and when she got done they congratulated her and everything.  She posted her own picture on Facebook or Twitter or something with a sticker that said “I Voted” and she was really proud of herself.  (Not near as proud of her as I was) but with her anxiety issues, she was terrified to go to begin with so when I sprang it on her at the last second it turned out to be the perfect way to go.  Not many people there and the perfect crowd to do it in front of.  They explained everything to her and she had a great experience.  I asked if it would be alright if I explained things to her and they said, and I quote, “Don’t worry about it honey, we got this.”  And they did.  They did a fantastic job with a young lady who was really nervous and now she is on line telling her other nervous friends how easy it was.  I guess I forgot, way back 40-some years ago, when I voted for the first time, whether I was nervous or not, but I imagine I was.  Since then I’ve worked the polls and have been asked to come back and work them since, but I know am a government employee and can’t.  Not sure if legally I can or can’t but personally, I don’t feel right doing it, so I won’t.

So, anyway, that’s our voting story.  And now it’s time to move on to the reason that you guys are really here, not to hear me brag about my daughter.  I got stuff to brag about my son, too.  Wanna hear ‘bout that?  He’s a truck driver and has been a bit worried about his medical evaluation that he had to pass to keep driving.  Well, long story short, he passed with flying friggin’ colors!!! like I knew he would.  He did a fan-friggin’-tastic job!  And of course we wouldn’t expect anything less.  He’s got like a gazzillion accident free miles.  I’m really proud of him, too! 

Now, you wanna hear about the grandkids?

So …

Okay, okay, I’ll save the grandkids for another time.  Let’s get on with the laughter.

I have been getting a LOT of Halloween cartoons from you guys and I now have so many saved up I’m either going to have to do a HUGE Halloween issue or start spreading them throughout the issues between now and then to get them all in … or both.  Thanks to all of you for sending stuff to me, I couldn’t do this without you.  I wish I had a system in place to thank you for each of the things you send, but regretfully, I can’t on a regular basis, but I try when I can.

And I just now got another email from a group in Indianapolis, that I’m not even CLOSE to asking me to come run their polls.

Someone keeps sending me flowers with the heads cut off.  I think I’m being stalked.

My doctor diagnosed me with anxiety and constipation.  I’m worried shitless.

Now THAT is skill!

My brother-in-law with his “friend”

Okay, so mail from our dear friend Leah …

Leah D

I am curious, is there anyone else out there who wants to vote in person? In Utah, they have made it what I consider to be extremely difficult to do so.
My friend got her ballot, trouble is, she can’t see well enough to fill in the circles, so I guess I get to vote twice?!

Well, I told you our voting story.  In person, really easy.  No problemo!

Leah D

Time to give up?
I got really scared when I woke Friday to a cold. If after all the isolation, spraying everything with alcohol, etc. I catch a cold . . . how am I hiding from Covid?
I was doing some research, came across a website for the professionals . . . as in doctors, scientists, etc. It said a group was in Antarctica, in total isolation, for 17 weeks, had a breakout of the common cold.

Leah, dear, you are fine.  All of us are fine.  I’m more worried about the flu than I am COVID.  From what I can see from my (slightly stilted) vantage point, most of the COVID numbers are so blatantly over-inflated that I don’t know who to trust and who not to trust.  I still go back to the guy killed on the motorcycle hit by a truck who was counted as a COVID death.  Yeah, I’m gonna throw the bullshit flag on that one, fellas.

I had a chance to purchase this little piece of property … then the damn government got involved and now it’s a safe house…

“Hey officer, how did the hackers escape?”

“No idea, they just ransomware!”

There was a football game of note between the big animals and the little animals. The big animals were crushing little animals and at half-time, the coach made a passionate speech to rally the little animals.
At the start of the second half the big animals had the ball. The first play, the elephant got stopped for no gain. The second play, the rhino was stopped for no gain. On third down, the hippo was thrown for a 5 yard loss. The defense huddled around the coach and he asked excitedly, “Who stopped the elephant?”
“I did,” said the centipede.
“Who stopped the rhino?”
“Uh, that was me too,” said the centipede.
“And how about the hippo? Who hit him for a 5 yard loss?”
“Well, that was me as well,” said the centipede.
“So where were you during the first half?” demanded the coach.
“Well,” said the centipede, “I was having my ankles taped.”

They say with age comes wisdom, so therefore I don’t have wrinkles I have wise cracks.

perils of homeschooling . . .

My friends 1st grader told the class her favorite part of summer was seeing a brown booby and both her mom and step dad are in the background going “tell them it’s a bird. Explain it’s a bird. It’s a seabird tell them that”.

Does anybody have a recipe for “I don’t know” or “I don’t care”?  It’s what my family keeps requesting for dinner and I can’t seem to find any recipes.

Huge life lesson there guys!!!

That is a great boss. 

I LOVE this next cartoon!!!!

Principal:  Your son always causes trouble here in school.

Dad:  He always causes trouble at home, too.  Did I ever call you?

OH MY GAWD!

Can someone please explain to me how pancake syrup, movies, books, statues, logos, and building names weren’t racist when Obama was president?

Got a comment from Don G about foam …….

Don G

When I was in the Navy back in the 70s and 80s we used a “protein foam” for firefighting, and believe me it stank. So much so that when I was assigned to take firefighting classes I always wore old dungarees, so I could dispose of them after the class. There is more on foams, here https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Firefighting_foam

The more I learn about this, the more I think it is the protein based foam that stinks.  The protein foam is supposed to be biodegradable and safer for fire fighters. 

Thanks Don!

And that it’s for today my friends … until next time.

Cheers!

Impish Dragon

Good Morning Campers,

Welcome to Saturday and the weekend!  While you guys are reading this I’m off teaching my GIs CBRN Defense class.  Granted, it is the BEST part of my job, but I still would rather be at home, relaxing and laughing.  But, somebody’s got to do it and if it’s got to be done, I’d rather it be done by me because I know it will be done correctly. 

So, without further ado, let’s get right to the laughter and we’ll do more catching up later.

No kidding!  Not only would she be fair, but there wouldn’t be any bullshit going on, either.

Like that could be overlooked.

Here is a great take on the “… walks into a bar” joke.  Thanks to Stephanie for sending these along.  There’s enough of them that I’m going to spread them out a little bit.

bar was walked into by the passive voice.

An oxymoron walked into a bar, and the silence was deafening.

Two quotation marks walk into a “bar.”

A malapropism walks into a bar, looking for all intensive purposes like a wolf in cheap clothing, muttering epitaphs and casting dispersions on his magnificent other, who takes him for granite.

Hyperbole totally rips into this insane bar and absolutely destroys everything.

MY EYES!  MY EYES!  OH DEAR GOD!!!

A question mark walks into a bar?

A non sequitur walks into a bar. In a strong wind, even turkeys can fly.

Papyrus and Comic Sans walk into a bar. The bartender says, “Get out — we don’t serve your type.”

A mixed metaphor walks into a bar, seeing the handwriting on the wall but hoping to nip it in the bud.

A comma splice walks into a bar, it has a drink and then leaves.

Three intransitive verbs walk into a bar. They sit. They converse. They depart.

Yes, some of them require you to think!

A synonym strolls into a tavern.

At the end of the day, a cliché walks into a bar — fresh as a daisy, cute as a button, and sharp as a tack.

A run-on sentence walks into a bar it starts flirting. With a cute little sentence fragment.

Falling slowly, softly falling, the chiasmus collapses to the bar floor.

A figure of speech literally walks Into a bar and ends up getting figuratively hammered.

Absolutely marvelous!

An allusion walks into a bar, despite the fact that alcohol is its Achilles heel.

The subjunctive would have walked into a bar, had it only known.

A misplaced modifier walks into a bar owned by a man with a glass eye named Ralph.

The past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense.

A dyslexic walks into a bra.

Definitely the kind of person  we need running the greatest country in the world (I really need need to find that sarcasm font)

A verb walks into a bar, sees a beautiful noun, and suggests they conjugate. The noun declines.

An Oxford comma walks into a bar, where it spends the evening watching the television getting drunk and smoking cigars.

A simile walks into a bar, as parched as a desert.

A gerund and an infinitive walk into a bar, drinking to forget.

A hyphenated word and a non-hyphenated word walk into a bar and the bartender nearly chokes on the irony.

And sadly that’s it.  Some of them were bloody brilliant!  Thanks again, Stephanie.

This is us last weekend … we had a few too many beers and decided to pick on the neighbors.

I’m sorry, it’s mean, but I laughed like hell at this one.

And hey!  God a letter from Joe in NJ! 

Impish,

 

I had two firsts today.

1.   A throbbing headache woke me at 3am. Ibuprofen time!

 

2. I did not stay up and read your latest issue. (Mainly because the pain was behind my right eye and it hurt to read.)

 

About the picture of the hangar full of foam…

My Navy time (Also had Air Force time) was the end of 1962 thru 1966. I was in an anti submarine squadron (VS-36) at Norfolk NAS. We had S-2D’s.

All of our cruises except for one lousy one on the USS Intrepid, was on the USS Randolph. During one cruise, the fog foam system went off in hangar bay #3. Besides messy, it smelled horrible! Don’t think they ever stopped the stink.

The liberty launches, both enlisted and officers were hit. The Admiral’s launch was not spared.

 

     …Joe in NJ

 

Another day without needing algebra!

 

Joe,

 

I’m not sure about the smell.  I think I would have remembered it if it were that bad.  So, I’m going to assume that it wasn’t.  So not sure if yours was different than mine or if my memory is just failing me in my old age…or maybe the Navy just used different foam than the Air Force.  Who knows, but thanks for the story.

 

Impish

 

And another quick one from Joe …

 

Q: What kind of birds stick together?
A: Vel-crows!

Mother Nature relaxing at home

I have huge trash bags full of plastic bags…because I use them at work.  In fact, I have an entire locker full of them.  Any military members out there remember what the plastic grocery bags are used for in my world?  Think MOPP gear. 
Think I’m kidding?  This is me getting ready for work tomorrow:

Whoever invented marriage was creepy as hell.  Like, hey you,  I love you so much, I’m gonna get the government involved so you can’t leave.

Be careful when you blindly follow the masses … sometimes the “M” is silent.

Man has made it to the moon, but we still haven’t figured out how to actually prevent a hangover.

Priorities people!  Come on!

The reason that all Star Trek spaceships meet each other the same way up is because there is a universally decided ‘down’ direction.

Every warp capable vessel has a piece of buttered toast suspended in an antimatter containment unit.  It is picked up and dropped automatically by little robot arms, within the unit, four times a minute.  The orientation of the buttered side tells the onboard computer which way is down, even when light years from any gravitational field.

Klingon ships use a slice of K’gacch spread with T’kr’lagg but the effect is the same.

I end a lot of my sentences with “just saying” because ending the sentence with “dumb ass” would probably be considered offensive.

It’s time to clean the refrigerator when something closes the door from the inside…

And … out of time dear friends.  Working tomorrow, so gotta call it a night early tonight.  Lots of laughs to all of you.  Love and happiness, too.

Cheers!

Impish Dragon

Good Morning Campers and Happy Thursday to you,

 What an issue we have for you today!  Full of laughter and excitement.  After a long week, that’s exactly what we all need, I know.  So, if you could all grab your coffee or beverage of choice, make yourselves comfortable and let’s get to the laughter.  That is what you are all here for after all, right?  If you are here for something else … then I’m afraid you might be in the wrong place.

Good Morning boys and girls, today we’re going to learn about hypocrites…

Did you know that Sitting Bull’s mistress was known as Spread Eagle?

Man!  That’s one of those great things that I wish I had written!

Can you say it with me?

A little poetry from Vincent:

There was a young girl of Darjeeling,
Who could dance with such exquisite feeling.
There was never a sound,
For miles around,
Save of fly-buttons hitting the ceiling.

Song Hit:  I used to kiss her on the lips, but it’s all over now.

This one is from Lynn:

Apparently, two iPhone users can text each other the words “pew pew” (the sound that lasers make, of course), and they will receive a laser show on screen.

And I tried it and it works

Good Lord that’s enough political stuff for now, don’t you think?!

Anger Management

Justin Anthony Garcia, 30, of Lehigh Acres, Florida, landed in the Lee County Jail on Sept. 27 on charges of aggravated battery following a heated argument over which is better: whole milk or almond milk, reported Fox 23 News. Deputies of the Lee County Sheriff’s Office were called to the scene after the disagreement between two cousins escalated from verbal to physical, according to court documents, eventually ending with Garcia drawing a pocketknife and chasing his cousin through the front yard, cutting him on the torso. An uncle intervened and separated the two until deputies arrived, but the arrest complaint does not say which type of milk Garcia prefers. [Fox 23 News, 9/27/2020]

 

Entrepreneurial Spirit

Two young men soliciting residents in Covina, California, for donations for the Covina High School football team ran into a problem when they appeared at the door of a resident who quickly questioned them: “It’s funny you bring that up, because I know for a fact that you guys don’t go to Covina because I teach there … I’m a football coach.” When neither of the alleged scammers could name the head coach, they left, Fox11 reported on Oct. 7, and the football team tweeted confirmation that the two were not with the program. [Fox 11, 10/7/2020]

 

 

I love this time 0f year when you can dig grave in your front yard and people think it’s just a cute display.

They say it is better to be poor and happy than rich and miserable, but how about a compromise like moderately rich and just moody?

Pence: “Trump and I trust the American people to make choices for themselves and their families – Harris and Biden want to mandate how you care for yourself.”

Harris:  “The American people aren’t equipped to make these decisions for themselves.”

My one goal in life is to piss off one person each day.

I’m currently four hundred years ahead of schedule.

I’ve always wanted to walk up to a stranger, hand them a briefcase and whisper, “You know what to do.” and walk away.

You don’t see that every day.

A 5-year old boy went to visit his grandmother one day.  While playing with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting the furniture, he looked up and said, “Grandma, how come you don’t have a boyfriend?”

Grandma replied, “Honey, my TV is my boyfriend.  I can set in my bedroom and watch it all day long.  The TV evangelists keep me company and make me feels so good.

The comedies make me laugh.  I’m so happy with my TV as my boyfriend.”  Grandma turned on the TV and the picture was horrible.  She started adjusting the knobs trying to get the picture in focus.  Frustrated, she started hitting on the backside of the TV hoping to fix the problem.  The little boy heard the doorbell ring so he hurried to open the door.

When he opened the door, there stood Grandma’s minister.  The minister said, “Hello son, is your grandma home?”

The little boy replied, “Yeah, she’s in the bedroom bangin’ her boyfriend.”

History is not there for you to like or dislike.  It is there for you to learn from it.  And if it offends you, even better.  Because then you are less likely to repeat it.  It’s not yours to erase.  It belongs to all of us!

Sadly, those who need to learn THIS history lesson, won’t.

Another thing you haven’t rarely seen.

So a couple years I moved out of state with a boyfriend. Was super excited about it but with reason had anxiety about being so far from friends and family. One of the ways my anxiety was coming out was with nightmares and night terrors. I’d wake up violently sitting up in a cold sweat, gasping and whatnot. On one particular night I had woken up the sound of our doorbell ringing. Which at 4 in the morning is nerve wracking. So I shook my boyfriend fully awake and told him I heard the doorbell and to go check it because I was scared. He quickly jumps up. Puts on clothes and grabs a bat. Goes all the way to the front door and opens it. I, scared shitless, am peeking around the corner watching it all go down. I see him step outside and I nervously await the verdict of the situation when I hear him call out to me. “Babe?” And I respond real shaky, “Yes?” He stands in the doorway with a real frustrated tired look in his eyes and says, “We don’t have a doorbell.”

There’s an armadillo?

A Girl Potato and Boy Potato had eyes for each other, and finally they got married, and had a little sweet potato, which they called ‘Yam’.

Of course, they wanted the best for Yam.

When it was time, they told her about the facts of life.

They warned her about going out and getting half-baked, so she wouldn’t get accidentally mashed, and get a bad name for herself like ‘Hot Potato,’ and end up with a bunch of Tater Tots.

Yam said not to worry, no Spud would get her into the sack and make a rotten potato out of her!

But on the other hand she wouldn’t stay home and become a Couch Potato either.

She would get plenty of exercise so as not to be skinny like her Shoestring Cousins.

When she went off to Europe, Mr. and Mrs. Potato told Yam to watch out for the hard-boiled guys from Ireland .

And the greasy guys from France called the French Fries.

And when she went out West, to watch out for the Indians so she wouldn’t get scalloped.

Yam said she would stay on the straight and narrow and wouldn’t associate with those high class Yukon Golds, or the ones from the other side of the tracks who advertise their trade on all the trucks that say, ‘Frito Lay.’

Mr. and Mrs. Potato sent Yam to Idaho P.U. (that’s Potato University ) so that when she graduated she’d really be in the Chips.

But in spite of all they did for her, one-day Yam came home and announced she was going to marry Tom Brokaw.

Tom Brokaw!

Mr. and Mrs. Potato were very upset.

They told Yam she couldn’t possibly marry Tom Brokaw Because he’s just……

Are you ready for this?

Are you sure?

*

*

OK!

Here it is!

*

*

*

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A COMMONTATER

Some days I astound myself, other days I put the laundry in the oven.

This is just so wrong!

Okay, here’s one you have to try!  It works.

And another one…and it’s perfect for Halloween!

The sad thing is that there are those of you out there who are sitting there going, “What’s a Tribble?”  And it’s sad … so very, very sad.

Did you hear about the guy who started chirping after a one night stand?  They think he caught a canarial disease.

And with that, we’ll end it here for today.  It’s been a week for all of us.  Can’t wait for the weekend to get here.  Have a great day my friends.

Good Morning Campers and Happy Columbus Day! 

My calendar app tells me that it is also Indigenous People’s Day.  Okay, I understand that Columbus was an asshole and there is certain history that says that he wasn’t even the first European to discover America and he raped and enslaved the people that he found here, but still and all and yet, why not give the Native American’s their own day?  Why hijack Columbus Day?  Doesn’t that kind of make it a little more … I don’t know, worth less somehow?  Or maybe it’s just me.

Let’s just not start any riots or anything over it, okay?

Regardless, Happy Indigenous Columbus People’s Day.  It’s a day off for me, so I’m friggin’ happy.

Although, can I make just one little point…it happened 528 years ago, it’s highly unlikely that anyone is still alive now who was alive then, or their children, or grandchildren, or great, great, great grandchildren, so the idea that anyone is still affected by what may or may not have happened is a most a history lesson and not ANYTHING to take personally or get upset about.  That’s the only point I want to make.

Now, it’s time to laugh, cause we got enough shit going on in 2020 to get upset about that we need laughter to fight without worrying about shit that happened way before any of our grandparents were born.

An Interesting Bit of History

Donald Rumsfeld’s biography of Gerald Ford, titled ”When the Center Held”,  was written in 2018.  The book clearly articulates that President Ford was a thoroughly good man, a special American, and a greatly underrated President. HOWEVER, there was a story in the book that was startling.

In 1975, President Ford was left to manage the difficult ending of the Vietnam War.  As North Vietnam seized on the opportunity to test American resolve following President Nixon’s resignation, President Ford went to Congress to ask for a relief package to push back on the North Vietnamese to allow American personnel and our allies to evacuate.  However, there was one US Senator who opposed any such support.  The result was the embarrassing and hurried evacuation from the roof of the American embassy in Saigon.  This senator reviled in the embarrassment and did everything he could to leverage it politically against Ford.

Despite the efforts of this U.S .Senator–President Ford managed to rescue 1,500 South Vietnamese allies prior to the country’s fall.  Had President Ford not acted quickly, these people would have been targeted and slaughtered for their support for America.  Saving them was a moral obligation.

When they arrived in America, President Ford asked Congress for a package to assist these refugees integrate into American society.  But that troublesome US Senator showed up again and torpedoed any support for these shell shocked refugees.  Instead, President Ford had to recruit Christian organizations to offer assistance on a voluntary basis.  As he did so, the aforementioned Senator belittled those efforts.

What kind of person would oppose President Ford’s tireless work to do the right and humanitarian thing? Who would want to play politics with the well-being of innocent people who stood by America in the tragic Vietnam War?

That US Senator? Joe Biden.

 

 

I got a comment from Dave that leads right into a set from Sasquatch …

Dave

Stephanie missed a real important one. . .A group of baboons is called a “Congress”

And as I said, Sasquatch sent …

Something to take your mind of the daily mindless protest marches and riots. And they’re interesting too.

 

 

 

Interesting Facts

 

“Throwing like a girl” is a real phenomenon. The ability to throw overhand is one of the largest biological differences between the sexes. In fact, the world record for the fastest overhand baseball throw by a woman is just 69mph, a speed regularly exceeded by 12 year old Little League players.

 

Every U.S. state except one has recorded a temperature of at least 100° F. The one exception? Hawaii.

 

The entire state of Wyoming only has two escalators.

 

Martin Van Buren was the only U.S. President whose first language was not English. He grew up speaking Dutch.

 

Middle names weren’t always common in the United States. Only three of the eighteen Presidents that served prior to 1868 had middle names.

 

There are over 5000 people in the United States whose first name is “Unique”.

 

Technically speaking, Alaska is both the westernmost and the easternmost U.S. state. Some of the Aleutian Islands are so far west that they extend into the Eastern Hemisphere.

 

Parts of Canada are further south than parts of California.

 

As the crow flies, Atlanta is closer to Canada than it is to Miami.

 

The easternmost part of Tennessee is closer to Canada than it is to Memphis.

 

We’ll throw some more of these INTERESTING FACTS in later

 

 

Believe it or not, Maine is the U.S. state that is geographically closest to Africa.

 

Cuba is further west than Peru.

 

Rome is further north than New York City

 

Spaghetti is plural. A single strand of spaghetti is a spaghetto.

 

The plural of the word octopus is octopuses, not octopi.

 

Cows kill more people than sharks.

 

The Secret Service that protects the U.S. President used to be part of the Department of the the Treasury. Their original mission was to stop the spread of counterfeit money, a function which they still serve today.

 

On a rotary phone, some numbers were much faster to dial than others. So when the U.S. created area codes in the 1940s, it gave the major cities “quicker” area codes. This is why New York City is 212, Chicago is 312, and Los Angeles is 213.

 

According to some estimates, up to 90% of the adult male population of Paraguay was killed during the Paraguayan War, fought between 1864 and 1870

 

More than 6 times as many Soviet soldiers died in WWII as American soldiers that died in all wars combined.

 

During WWII, Japan launched over 9000 balloons with incendiary bombs attached to them. They hoped that the bombs would cross the Pacific to the United States, start massive forest fires, and sow panic. The project was a colossal failure. However, in 1945, one balloon did kill six picnickers in Oregon. Those six people were the only deaths caused by enemy action in the continental U.S. during WWII.

 

In Vietnam, the Vietnam War is known as the American War.

Only about 3% of the soldiers who died in the Vietnam War were American.

 

Ireland still has a lower population today than it did in the 1800s before the Irish Potato Famine.

 

Since 1980, India has only won 1 Olympic gold medal

 

Lemons float, but limes sink.

 

The color orange was not used in the English language until 1512. And in case you’re wondering, the color was named after the fruit.

 

The guys that were drinking should’ve just checked the book out of the library.

An elderly lady checks into a motel on her 70th birthday, but was a bit lonely.  She thought, “I’ll call one of those men you see advertised in phone booths for escorts and sensual massages.”  She looked through the phone book, found a full-page ad for a guy calling himself Tender Tony – a very handsome man with assorted skills flexing in the mirror.  He had all the right muscles in all the right places, thick wavy hair, long powerful legs, a dazzling smile, six-pack abs and she felt quite certain she could bounce a quarter off his butt.

The old lady figures, what the heck, nobody will ever know.  She gave him a call.  “Hello,” the man says.  He sounded sexy.

“Hi.  I hear you give a great massage and I’d like you to come to my room and give me one.  No, wait.  I should be straight with  you.  I’m in town all alone and what I really want is sex.  I want it hard I want it hot, and I want it now.  Bring implements, toys, leather, whips, everything y0u’ve got in your bag of tricks … We’ll go hot and heavy all night; time me up, cover me in chocolate syrup and whipped cream, anything you want!  Now, how does that sound?”

He replied, “That sounds fantastic, but you need to press 9 four an outside line.”

They say “The Truth Will Set You Free”, but I’m afraid in this case it’s going to blow this country to bits.  Thanks to Sasquatch for sending this to me and it’s about what I figured was going to happen, but not really how I thought it would.  I was sure the officers involved would get off, through some technicality, but this throws a whole new light on the subject.  Read on dear campers, read on:

An assessment below from a US Navy JAG officer.  Well worth the read. 

I had read the official autopsy report some time ago. This confirms 100% that it was true and adds FACTS that heretofore were never revealed as the media, as always, rushed to a judgment that fit their narrative. This travesty by the media has cost the American people billions of dollars in damage, lost lives and people maimed for the rest of their lives. Too bad they can’t be held accountable like the millions Nick Sandman has recovered in quiet settlements with 2 media outlets for their INTENTIONAL mischaracterization of his situation. Now, imagine the riots when the jury follows the law and acquits these police officers because the facts aren’t there. How many more billions and lives?? Thanks, media.

From: McIntosh Enterprises <ripmcintosh@msn.com>

Who Killed George Floyd? By Don Brown American Thinker September 18, 2020   If they get a fair trial, a questionable proposition at best, Minneapolis police officers charged with murdering George Floyd should be acquitted.   Let’s consider new, undisputed evidence, beyond the initial bystander’s video that we’ve all seen, to understand why.   On Memorial Day, around 8 PM, Minneapolis Police are called to a local convenience store. Two suspects passed a fake $20 bill to buy cigarettes. When police arrived, the shop manager pointed across the street, where three suspects sat in a parked vehicle. George Floyd sat behind the wheel.   When the officers crossed the street to investigate, two other suspects, another man, and a woman, both black, stepped from the car and politely cooperated.   But George argued and disobeyed ten separate commands from officers to keep his hands up. After the tenth order, he finally put his hands on the steering wheel as instructed.   As George protested, police walked him across the street to the police cruiser, the vehicle shown in the bystander’s video.   That bystander’s video, isolated alone, implies that the officer cruelly forced George onto the ground, then callously put his knee on George’s neck, causing George to cry out, pitifully, “I can’t breathe.”   But when a Minnesota judge authorized the release of police body cam footage, a completer and more different story emerged. First, the police never wanted George on the ground at all, and frantically tried getting him into the back of their squad car.   But Floyd, a strong six-feet-eight-inches tall, fought police every second, and tried pushing his way out. Police video shows George repeatedly saying, “I can’t breathe” long before he was on the ground, and before Officer Chauvin employed the infamous knee-restraint tactic.   This is crucial.   Claiming to be “claustrophobic” as they ordered him into the back seat, George Floyd demanded to be placed on the ground. So, the officers did not thrust him down to the ground and then put their knee on George’s neck, as the bystander’s video suggests.   Let’s delve into the evidence.   From Officer Thomas Lane’s body camera, at 8:09 PM, officers approached George’s vehicle, tapped on the window, instructing him to either put his hands up or put his hands on the steering wheel. But George refuses.   Ten separate times, police either instructed George to let them see his hands, or to put his hands on the wheel. Finally, George puts his hands on the wheel, protesting he had “not done anything.”   At 8:17 PM, officers walk George across the street. He keeps arguing, as they order him into the back of the squad car.   “I’m claustrophobic,” he claims, twice, resisting as they again order him to sit in the back seat. He screams, fights and resists getting in the squad car.   At 8:18:08, still standing beside the car and fighting the officers, he says, for the first time, with no knee on his neck, “I can’t breathe, officer!” At this point, police are still ordering him into the back seat. A bystander urges George to stop fighting. “You can’t win,” the bystander says.   George fights anyway.   Police push him in the back seat. He keeps resisting.   Nine seconds later, fighting from the backseat of the police car, George says three times, in rapid succession, beginning at 8:18:19, “I want to lay on the ground! I want to lay on the ground! I want to lay on the ground!” He repeats it a fourth time, five seconds later, “I want to lay on the ground!”   Then, as if he knows he is dying, says, “I’m going down.”   At 8:18:39, fighting in the backseat, he again says, three times in rapid succession, “I can’t breathe!” Then again,” I can’t breathe.” And then, again, at 8:18:50 repeats, “I can’t breathe!”   At this point, George had demanded to be laid on the ground four times and said “I can’t breathe” at least six times, while in the back seat of the squad car, with no knee on his neck.   At 8:19:06, he again says, “I can’t breathe,” for the seventh time. Of course he can’t breathe. A fentanyl overdose stops a man from breathing. George fought the officers non-stop for over ten minutes before officers finally removed him from the car and put him down on the ground, beside the squad car, as George himself demanded.   Bystanders then film George on the ground, declaring, “I can’t breathe,” as if this was the first time George said, “I can’t breathe,” and as if Officer Chauvin’s knee (not the fentanyl) caused George’s breathing problems.   Fox 9 in Minneapolis reported that Chief Hennepin County Medical Examiner Dr. Andrew Baker, in a memorandum filed May 26 concluded, “The autopsy revealed no physical evidence suggesting that Mr. Floyd died of asphyxiation.”   In other words, Dr. Baker initially ruled out Chauvin’s knee as causing George’s death.   In a second memorandum filed June 1, Baker described Floyd’s fentanyl level as “pretty high,” and a potentially “fatal level.” Dr. Baker reported Floyd had 11 ng/mL of fentanyl in his blood, adding, “If he were found dead at home alone and no other apparent causes, this could be acceptable to call an OD. Deaths have been certified with levels of 3.”   In other words, while levels of 3 ng/mL have caused fatal fentanyl overdoses. George ingested nearly four times that amount, or 11 ng/mL of fentanyl, in his bloodstream. In another document, Dr. Baker said, “That is a fatal level of fentanyl under normal circumstances.”   Granted, mounting political pressure led to subsequent private autopsy reports, paid for by the family, showing the cause of death as a combination of both fentanyl and asphyxiation from the officer’s knee.   Of course they do.   But the prosecution, to obtain a conviction, must prove guilt beyond a reasonable doubt.. They must prove that the officer’s knee, and not the massive fentanyl dosage, killed George Floyd.   That’s a tall order.   Not only that, but the infamous, “knee-technique,” which should be banned, was authorized by the Minneapolis PD. Officer Chauvin followed authorized procedure, a technique for keeping a suspect on the ground, after George Floyd had fought officers for over ten minutes, and after, only — and this is the kicker — George requested, repeatedly, to lay on the ground.   But Chauvin’s knee is a red herring. The issue here is fentanyl.   Here’s how the respected website, WebMD, describes the effects of fentanyl: “[F]entanyl has rapid and potent effects on the brain and body, and even very small amounts can be extremely dangerous. “It only takes a tiny amount of the drug to cause a deadly reaction,” “Fentanyl can depress breathing and lead to death. The risk of overdose is high with fentanyl.”   Here’s what the CDC says about fentanyl. “It is 50 to 100 times more potent than morphine.” https://www.cdc.gov/drugoverdose/opioids/fentanyl.html   Of course George couldn’t breathe — because fentanyl, mixed with methamphetamines, kills breathing. Despite the bad optics, “I can’t breathe” was not because of the officer’s knee.   The medical examiner’s statement on lethal fentanyl, and the previous protestations of “I can’t breathe,” even before he got into the back seat of the squad car, and long before Chauvin applied the notorious “knee” technique, shows that George was already dying from the lethal fentanyl overdose before officers put him in the back seat of the car. That fentanyl, with methamphetamine ingestion, and cannabinoids — that’s right, George popped some meth alongside the fentanyl, plus a little reefer too — raises more than a reasonable doubt in favor of these policemen.   Here’s the prosecution’s problem – proving beyond a reasonable doubt that it was the officer’s knee, and not the massive fentanyl overdose, that killed George.   No one can prove, beyond a reasonable doubt, not in this case, that Chauvin killed Floyd, not with any intellectual honesty. George overdosed on fentanyl, and mixed it with meth, and reefer. That’s why he’s dead. Without the overdose, George Floyd would still be alive. The officers should be acquitted.   Which begs the question, who killed George Floyd?   Sadly, George Floyd killed himself.   Don Brown, a former U.S. Navy JAG officer,

And when the officers get acquitted … the riots will be the likes of which we have never seen before.  Because people are basically stupid.

My cousin Guido when he was a baby.

I wanna be 14 again and ruin my life differently.  I have new ideas.

Is it any wonder why the country is the way it is?

I don’t know how to act my age, I’ve never been this age before.

Knowing who you are voting for is important

Coffee is vital for survival.
Dinosaurs didn’t have coffee, and look how they turned out.

You can leave $5,000 unattended in a room with me and every dime is gonna be there.  Now, if you leave M&Ms or something, that’s your fault.

A vote is not a valentine, you aren’t confessing your love for the candidate.  It’s a chess move for the world you want to live in.

This one has been around for a while, but it’s worth repeating.  Sent to me by Papa Dragon Most Senior and a couple of his buddies.

When I was a kid, I couldn’t understand why Eisenhower was so  popular.  Maybe this will explain why

General Eisenhower Warned Us.

It  is a matter of history that  when the Supreme Commander of the Allied Forces, General  Dwight Eisenhower, found the victims of the death camps he  ordered all possible photographs to be taken, and for the  German people from surrounding villages to be ushered  through the camps and even made to bury the  dead.

He did this because he said in words to this effect …

‘Get it all on record now – get the films –  get the witnesses – because somewhere down the road of  history some b*st*rd will get up and say that this never happened’

This week, the UK debated whether to remove The Holocaust from its school curriculum because it ‘offends’ the Muslim population which claims it never occurred.  It is not removed as yet. However, this is a frightening portent of the fear that is gripping the world and how easily each country is giving into it.
It is now more than 70 years after the Second World War in Europe ended. This e-mail is being sent as a memorial  chain, in memory of the, six million Jews, 20 million  Russians, 10 million Christians, and 1,900 Catholic  priests Who were ‘murdered, raped, burned, starved,  beaten, experimented on and humiliated’ while many in  the world looked the other way!
Now, more than ever, with Iran, among others, claiming the Holocaust to be ‘a myth,’ it is imperative to make sure the world never  forgets.
This e-mail is intended to reach 400 million people!m Be a link in the memorial chain and help distribute this around the world.
How many years will it be before the attack  on the World Trade Center ‘NEVER  HAPPENED’?
Because it offends some Muslims???

Do not just delete this message; it will take only a minute to pass this along.

Remember when all classrooms had an American flag in them?

Do they even teach our children about the World Trade Center attacks in 1993 and 2001, or did it go the way of Pearl Harbor and  Veterans Day?

Don’t even mention Christmas or prayers in school.  Many schools no longer recite the Pledge of Allegiance and many children do not know the words to our National Anthem, or that we even have one!

I’m not adding this year to my age, I did not use it.

The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it.”
– Dudley Moore – (1935-2002)

But there are, apparently, short underpasses.

Yup, that’s 2020 for you.

Yeah, we need some of these next …

I’m not sure if I’m more impressed with the wind or the root system.

When Beethoven passed away, he was buried in a churchyard.
A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Beethoven was buried.
Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it.
The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave.
Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate.
When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment, and said, “Ah, yes, that’s Beethoven’s Ninth Symphony, being played backwards.”
He listened a while longer, and said, “There’s the Eighth Symphony, and it’s backwards, too. Most puzzling.”
So the magistrate kept listening; “There’s the Seventh… the Sixth… the Fifth…”
Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate; he stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery, “My fellow citizens, there’s nothing to worry about. It’s just Beethoven decomposing.”

Yup, been near a hanger when it’s happened.  Not a fun clean up at all.

The wife returned home from a shopping spree with an expensive pair of lace panties.  “I know they cost a lot,” she said, “but you wouldn’t expect to find quality perfume in a cheap bottle, would you?”

“Definitely not!” barked her husband, “and I certainly would not expect to find gift wrapping around a dead beaver, either!”

And that will do it for me for today my dear friends.  May your day be filled with joy and peace and lots and lots of laughter.

Cheers!

Good Morning Campers,

So, I just brought Mrs. Dragon back from her follow up appointment after her eye surgery.  Boy, that was fun.  She had some vertigo, mostly, the doctor said, because her one eye was still VERY dilated from the surgery.  She had to hold on to me very tightly as she walked, which, I didn’t mind too much, but I couldn’t help picking on her just a little.  As we were standing, waiting our turn for the receptionist, I started rocking back and forth just a tiny bit, which made her vertigo worse.  And she said, loud enough for the receptionist to hear, “Are you rocking?” and of course I said, “Of course not, honey.  I would never do that to you.”  In the sweetest voice I could muster, which, if I must admit, was quite sweet.  But, didn’t fool Mrs. Dragon for even one second.  And Mrs. Dragon hauled off and punched me dead in the chest. 

And then I had to catch her as she started to fall.

And then I laughed so hard I almost dropped her.

And then the receptionist said, “He was rocking you, I saw the whole thing.”

I called her a traitor as I walked Mrs. Dragon over to sit her down in the waiting room.  Mrs. Dragon then turned to me in front of everyone else in the waiting room and said, “Maybe twenty-five years is long enough.”

Not to be out-done, I replied, “You couldn’t live without me.” 

But she’s too quick for me, because she replied, “You’ve got good life insurance.  You forget about all the murdery shows I watch?”

The whole place cracked up.  Score: Mrs. Dragon 3, Impish Dragon 2. 

God, I love that woman!

Now, let’s get on with the rest of the laugher.

We can always rely on our dear, dear friend Stephanie for…

STRANGE & COMPLETELY USELESS INFORMATION

A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.  That’s probably learned behavior
A snail can sleep for three years.  Along with most teenagers
Babies are born without kneecaps. They don’t appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age.
Butterflies taste with their feet. 
Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds. Dogs only have about 10.  Leading people to believe for many years that cats were female and dogs were male.
February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.
If the population of China walked past you in single file, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction.
In the last 4,000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.
Leonardo DiVinci invented the scissors.  And his mother immediately told him to stop running with them.
No word in the English language rhymes with month.  Pissing off poets everywhere.  

I’m going to have to break these up and put some cartoons in-between …

–Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.  Just look at your grandparents …
–Shakespeare invented the word ‘assassination’ and ‘bump’.
–“Stewardesses’ is the longest word typed with only the left hand, “lollipop” with your right.
–The cruise liner, QE2 moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns.  I used to own a car like that
–The name of all the continents end with the same letter that they start with.  Um.. North America and South America spring to mind …
–The words ‘racecar’ and kayak’ are the same whether they are read left to right or right to left.  Amongst many other words … boy, she was right … totally useless information
–TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.  I repeat my earlier statement
–Women blink nearly twice as much as men.  It’s the makeup dripping down into their eyes.
–If you are an average American, in your whole life, you will spend an average of 6 months waiting at a red light.,  I think that number changes depending on the city you live in.  I’ve been in cities where I swear I’ve done that in a year.
–In most advertisements, including newspapers, the time displayed on a watch face, is 10:’0.  That’s an odd time.

**The winter of 1932 was so cold that Niagara Falls froze completely solid.
**Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks, otherwise it will digest itself.
**There are two words in the English language that have all five vowels in order: “abstemious” and “facetious.”
**There is a word in the English language with only one vowel, which occurs five times, “indivisibility.”  Taking strange and completely useless to all new levels
**The Bible does not say there were three wise men; it only says there were three gifts.
**Did you know that crocodiles never outgrow the pool in which they live? That means that if you put a baby croc in an aquarium, it would be little for the rest of its life.  Challenge accepted!!!
**A group of geese on the ground is a gaggle; a group of geese in the air is a skein.  I thought a skein was a ball of yarn
**A ‘jiffy’ is an actualy unit of time for 1/100th of a second.  So, when someone says that they will be back in a Jiffy or that they’ll have it for you in a Jiffy – totally bogus.  But … but … what about the peanut butter?
**Pinocchio is Italian for “pine eye”.  Okay, now that’s just wrong!
**The sentence “The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog” uses every letter of the alphabet.  As anybody who’s ever had Typing in school knows

Well played, indeed!

<>The only 15-letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is “uncopyrightable”.  And why is my spellcheck telling me that isn’t a real word?
><Barbie’s full name is Barbara Milicent Roberts.  Who cares?
<>It’s impossible to lick your elbow.  And yet millions try, every year.
><More than 50% of the people in the world have never made or received a telephone call.  THAT is the most amazing fact on this entire list.
<>Rats and horses can’t vomit.  Challenge accepted!!!
><The “sixth sick sheik’s sixth sheep’s sick” is said to be the toughest tongue twister in the English language……….try it!  No!
<>Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your ear by 700 times.  Did you REALLY just ruin headphones for me!!!!!
><In every episode of Seinfeld there is a Superman somewhere.  I did not know that.
<>The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.  That is really quite surprising.
><Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are already married.  That is not surprising at all.  And, I would go further and wager the number is actually quite a bit higher.
<>Most lipstick contains fish scales.  There’s a very good reason for this… something about stickiness or shininess or something I’m sure.
><Cat’s urine glows under a black light.  It makes murdering people that much harder for them.
<>Like fingerprints, everyone’s tongue print is different.  Who was paid to do a study to figure this out?

A tourist in Canada celebrated the 4th of July by getting stone drunk.

He became obnoxious and disorderly, and was hauled into court for disturbing the peace.

“How do you plead?” the Judge asked.

“Not guilty!” replied the accused.

“How can you plead ‘not guilty’.  You’re drunker than a skunk.” the judge said.

“Well, you see, it’s like this, your honor.  I was only following orders.  When I got into town, there was this big sign that said, DRINK CANADA DRY.  And that’s what I tried to do.”

Greg and his two friends are talking at the bar one day.  His friend John says, “Guys, I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician.  I came home from work the other day and found wire cutters under the bed and they weren’t mine.”

His friend Sean said, “Well, I think my wife is having an affair with the plumber.  I came home the other day and found a wrench under the bed and it wasn’t mine.”

Greg said, “I think my wife is having an affair with a horse.”

Both of his friends just stared at him.

“I’m serious!” he said.  “The other day I came home and found a jockey under our bed!”

There is a folk belief that if you bury a statue of St. Joseph on a piece of property, it will be sold more quickly.

I took the St. Joseph from my Nativity scene and buried it near my front door.  A few days later a woman made me an offer on the house.  Since she had to sell her home too, I suggested she enlist the help of the saint as well.

After a month of burying the statue all over her lawn, she had no nibbles and, in disgust, put the statue out with the trash.

A week later she opened her local paper and read: “Town Sells Landfill to Private Developer.”

A big, burly man visited the pastor’s home and asked to see the minister’s wife, who was well known for her charitable impulses.

As he addressed her he said in a broken voice, “I’d like to draw your attention to the terrible plight of a poor family in this district.  The father is dead, the mother is too ill to work, and the nine children are starving.  They are about to be turned out into the cold streets unless someone pays their $400 rent payment.”

“How terrible!” exclaimed the preacher’s wife. “May I ask who you are?”

The sympathetic visitor wiped his eyes with his handkerchief and sobbed.  “I’m the landlord.”

That’s my club!

Thought for the day:

Does the career advice, “Come early on your first day” apply in the porn business?

These were entries to a Washington Post Competition asking for a rhyme with the most romantic first line, but the least romantic second line

Love may be beautiful,
love may be bliss
But I only slept with you,
because I was pissed.
*************************
I thought that I could love no other
Until, that is, I met your brother.
**************************
Roses are red, violets are blue,
sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting,
the violets are dead,
the sugar bowl’s empty
and so is your head.
**************************
Of loving beauty you float with grace,
If only you could hide your face.
****************************
Kind, intelligent, loving and hot,
This describes everything you are not.
******************************
I want to feel your sweet embrace,
But don’t take that paper bag off of your face.
*******************************
I love your smile, your face, and your eyes
Damn, I’m good at telling lies!
************************************
My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife
Marrying you screwed up my life.
************************************
I see your face when I am dreaming,
That’s why I always wake up screaming.
*************************************
My love, you take my breath away —
What have you stepped in to smell this way?
*************************************
My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe “Go To Hell.”
*************************************
What inspired this amorous rhyme? —
Two parts vodka, one part lime!

And I’ll bet you can guess who sent this to me,
Well of course, it was our own dear Stephanie.

“May I have some stationery?” a man asked the hotel clerk.

“Are you a guest of the hotel?” asked the clerk.

“No, I’m paying sixty dollars a day,” said the man.

Hey, we may be on to something here!

Thirty minutes before a plane landed, its cabin lights came on, indicating to the flight attendants that breakfast could be served.

One of the passengers, upset because he was awakened, growled, “Who turned on the fucking lights!?”

“Oh, no, sir,” the flight attendant replied.  “Those are the breakfast lights.  You slept through the ‘fucking lights’.”

Got a reply from Sasquatch …

Sasquatch

Why should Bigfoot complain about that? Being from the Pacific Northwest he has Portland and Seattle out there. Absolutely beautiful country but with those folk the last thing he has to worry about is being mistaken for a handsome fella like me

I don’t know why Bigfoot would complain?  I don’t have an answer.

Can’t blame sharks in these shark attacks.  Imagine a bucket of fried chicken came skateboarding through your living room … What would you do?

Even COVID picked Trump over Biden.

Brother, this is not going to work out as you expect…

Okay, this next one is absolutely fucking incredible…

While you don’t know for sure if President Donald Trump is behind it, somehow you just know he is.

A peculiar thing happened Sunday night outside the Walter Reed National Military Medical Center, hot pizzas kept showing up. By the dozens.

https://twitter.com/i/status/1312936699136299008

https://twitter.com/i/status/1312921361850028037

A throng of Trump supporters have been holding a vigil outside the facility since the president was admitted on Friday after testing positive for COVID-19, or as Trump is now calling it, the “plague from China.”

According to one enthusiastic supporter, Domino’s pizzas were being delivered every 45 minutes to the crowd — 250 pies and counting.

The man was convinced that the gift was from President Trump and he offered some really sound logic in support of his theory that’s hard to argue.

“You know it’s from Trump because the sh*t isn’t gluten free. There’s meat on it,” he said. “Trump’s an alpha.”

He also had a personal message for Fake News CNN: “No, we’re not being paid.”

While no one knew for sure who was buying dinner, the general belief was that it had to be Trump.

Whether he did or not didn’t matter because Trump supporters were convinced that the president was reciprocating the love they have been showing for him.

On that note, the president left the presidential suite at Walter Reed earlier in the day in a “surprise” drive by to thank the crowd outside.

Gestures such as this are why so many Americans back Trump as strongly as they do.

An example of this sentiment was seen Sunday.

“I will die for him. I will die for that man — happily,” a supporter said Sunday as the presidential motorcade passed by. “I will die for that man. Anyone want to mess with him, you mess with me first. He is a hero, that man!

And if you hit the links and read through the twitter feeds, the drivers were telling the crowds that it was from POTUS.  The man was feeding his well wishers out of his own pocket.  Maybe it was a stunt, I don’t know.  But, if it was, it was still one hell of a stunt.  What a guy.  And why wasn’t it reported on a single news source.  Not one.  But the stupid stunt that Pelosi is pulling with the 25th amendment is all over the fucking news…

Assholes.

No shit!  You ain’t seen nuthin’ yet!

A wealthy Arab sheik was admitted to hospital for heart surgery, but prior to the surgery, the doctors needed to store his type of blood in case the need arose. As the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldn’t be found locally, so, the call went out.

Finally a Scotsman was located who had a similar blood type. He willingly donated his blood for the Arab. After the surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman, in appreciation for his giving his blood, a new BMW, a 5-carat diamonds and $50,000 dollars.

A couple of days later, once again, the Arab had to go through a corrective surgery. The hospital telephoned the Scotsman who was more than happy to donate more of his blood again. After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman a thank-you card and a box of Black Magic chocolates.

The Scotsman was shocked that the Arab did not reciprocate his kind gesture as he had before. He phoned the Arab and asked him: “I thought you would be generous again, that you would give me another BMW, diamonds and money … but you only gave me a thank-you card and a box of chocolates.”

To this the Arab replied: “Aye laddie, but I have Scottish blood in ma veins now”.

When life shuts a door …

Open it again.  It’s a door.  That’s how they work.

Thanks to Vincent for sending this one… my response … only in Hoboken!!

I haven’t lost my mind.  Half of it wandered off, and the other half went looking for it.

I was recently asked who my favorite vampire was.  I said, “the Muppet from Sesame Street.”
They told me, “he doesn’t count.”
I replied, “I assure you, he does.”

Ask Marilyn

By Marilyn vos Savant

Some people don’t like electoral votes (versus popular votes) deciding our presidential elections. Can you make an argument in favor of electoral votes?

—Jacob Stein, Larchmont, N.Y.

We are the United States of America, and our states—starting with the original 13 colonies—are separate entities. It is understandably unacceptable to states with smaller populations to have their affairs decided by other states simply because more people live there. Suppose there were a United Countries of Earth. Would we like the idea of China (population 1.439 billion) and India (1.380 billion) running the show? (The U.S. has 331 million people.) Or would we want a leveling factor? Visit Parade. com/college to see how electoral votes are distributed.

A very excellent argument and explanation!

And that will do it for this issue.  Tune in … well … next time for the continued adventures of …