Okay, this is a terrible situation to be in.  Today is Wednesday and not only is it late on Wednesday, but this is due for tomorrow, I have church tonight and NOTHING has been started on it to date.  Well, in my defense, I started back at work this week (more about that in a minute) and Monday night I had my second to the last Grief Group, Tuesday I had Physical Therapy during the day, but that made me work a little later to make up for and Izzy had a hair appointment that I had to take her to after work, and then it was Darts last night, THAT I DID EXCELLENT AT!  My partner and I took second place.  Best finish I’ve had this year.  And I actually had my first EVER 5 bull hit to win one match!  We needed 4 bulls to win a Cricket match and the other team only needed one.  It was my turn up.  Now, I’m not the best shot when it comes to bulls, but since it was a double elimination blind draw and we hadn’t lost a match yet, we weren’t completely out of it regardless.  So, I threw my first dart…double bull! 
Okay, not bad, 2 darts left, 2 single bulls and we can win.  Just because I’ve never hit all three darts in the bull was no reason to worry.  I could always hit another double bull, tie my best score and we’d still win.
Threw my second dart…single bull!
Dang!  1 bull short.  I had one dart to get one bull, and if I missed, they had 3 darts to get one bull.  And they were good enough that they were pretty much guaranteed to hit it.  If they didn’t then I had a lot of confidence in my partner, but…since I had NEVER hit bulls with all three darts (there’s not much room left in that little bitty center spot at this point anyway)
And I threw my third dart…
…
…
DOUBLE BULL!!!!
And the crowd goes wild!!!
New record for Impish. 
For all of you dart players out there who are obviously better at this then I am, you’re probably saying, “Yeah, I’ve gotten 3 in the bed before (3 double bulls).  Not me.  I can count on one hand the number of ton 80s (180 – the highest strike on the board, that you get by hitting three triple 20s) I’ve had and that is a MUCH bigger spot to hit than the double bull. 

Anyway, that was last night, and we didn’t get done until midnight, then I worked all day today, got home finished my homework for church tonight and jumped right on here.  I now have about 1 1/2 hours before I have to leave for church and I’ll see how much I can get done before church and then see how much I can get done when I get home until I have to pick up Izzy from work and then what I have is what you guys get.

So, let’s get started, shall we? 

What haunts me is that I am just not smart enough for so many people to be this much stupider than I am.

 

If idiots could fly, this place would be an airport.

Absolutely marvelous!

The first rule of cleaning while listening to music:  The toilet brush is never the microphone…NEVER.

Well, how did YOU think dragons went Trick-or-Treating?

THAT’S RIGHT!  COME AT ME, DUDE!  SEE WHAT HAPPENS!

Beware of a new Amazon scam.  My husband ordered me some expensive jewelry, but motorcycle parts came instead.  Thankfully they fit his bike…

I’m so glad it’s not snowing.  Imagine shoveling snow in this heat!!

I shine a laser pointer in my neighbor’s window when they’re gone.  Their cat has trashed 3 sets of mini blinds chasing it.  They have no idea it’s me.  
Am I evil?
Yes, I am.

“Look!  I’m only going to ask one more time!  What have you done with my underwear?!”

I’m glad I’ve got boobs…the last thing I need is people making eye contact with me.

They said Noah was crazy.
The the rain came and the fact checkers drowned.

The End

I need everyone to wish me luck.  I have a meeting at the bank later and if all  goes well, I will be out of debt.  I’m so excited I can barely put on my ski mask.

ALWAYS REMEMBER, THE CROWD CHOSE BARABBAS…
NOT BECAUSE THEY LOVED HIM, BUT BECAUSE THEY HATED THE TRUTH.

If you don’t “get it”, read your Bible.

I never thought I’d be the kind of person who gets up early to exercise.

Turns out, I was right.

That is Izzy Dragon!  So much!

Not to brag, but I just went into another room and actually remembered why I went in there.

It was the bathroom, but still…

Of COURSE it is.  Where the hell do you ecology people think the electricity comes from for your electric cars?  Rainbow sweat and unicorn piss?

So, I took my suit to the cleaners, who wanted to charge me $15.00 to clean it.  So, I gave my suit to the charity shop next door.  They cleaned it and pressed it and put it in the window.  I bought it back for $4.50.

Ate a weed brownie last night and cooked a pizza at 15 degrees for 400 minutes.

When a woman laughs during an argument, please know that the psycho part of her brain has just been activated.  Abort mission immediately!

And I did it!!!  A full issue.  Not a very original issue, but a full one, none-the-less.  I hope you guys got a bit of a laugh out of it, anyway.  Until next time.  Love and happiness to you all.

So, it’s Saturday morning and I’m working on Monday’s issue.  You guys should be reading Saturday’s issue while I’m writing this one.  More Dragon Laffs Time Travel.  Gotta Love It! 

Anyway, it’s early enough in the day that I’ve really got nothing to talk about first thing, nothing to rant about unless I start in again about the raid on Trump down in Florida or something to that effect.  We’ve had another police office shot here locally.  We’ve recently had a young officer killed who also happened to be an Army Vet and now we have a young lady who is a K-9 officer who is fighting for her life after being shot during a routine traffic stop.  Both perpetrators are in custody, so whatever it was they hoped to accomplish they didn’t.  People are still screaming to defund the Police and we wonder why it’s so hard to get police hired.  It’s a damn shame. 

And in a lot of places, both of those perpetrators would already be back out on the streets with either no bail or very low bail. 

Sorry, not here in THIS PART of Indiana!  If I remember correctly, the mook who shot and killed the young man from Elwood was out on bond from shooting at the police in Indianapolis!  So, what the hell?!?!

So, I guess I did have something to talk about this morning, but at this point, we need to change lanes, speed up, and 

Lynn sent this to me and I like it a lot:

God is saying to you tonight…I know you are going through a difficult time in your life right now, and you are dealing with multiple circumstances and a lot of emotional pain.  It seems as though before you can get through one thing, another thing happens.  I don’t always still the storm around you, sometimes I still the storm raging in you.  Don’t give up.  I am strengthening you in areas you can’t even see right now.  You and I will get through this together, like we always do.  Everything will be alright.  Trust in Me.

Some of you may have needed to hear that also.  And if so…thank Lynn.  Thanks, Lynn.

Girlfriend:  How am I gonna tell my dad I’m pregnant? 

Me:  Leave that to me. 

[Later at Dinner]

Her Dad: [coughs] I need water… 

Me:  Oh no!  Grandpa needs water!

She danced like no one was watching…

but they were watching, and she looked like she’d had 12 shots of Jack and walked into a spiderweb.  

Ain’t I romantic?

Drunk is when you feel sophisticated but can’t pronounce it.

“Hello, I’m here for a job interview.”

“Great, and do you have any experience?”

“Yes, this is my 20th interview.”

If you fall down in public just say, “It’s been a long time since I inhabited a body.” and walk away.

Yes baby!  That is VERY romantic!

Once upon a time, there were three kingdoms, all bordering on the same lake.  For centuries, these kingdoms had fought over an island in the middle of that lake.  One day, they decided to have it out, once and for all.

The first kingdom was quite rich, and sent an army of 25 knights, each with three squires.  The night before the battle, the knights jousted and cavorted as their squires polished armor, cooked food, and sharpened weapons.  The second kingdom was not so wealthy, and sent only 10 knights, each with 2 squires.  The night before the battle, the knights cavorted and sharpened their weapons as the squires polished armor and prepared dinner.  The third kingdom was very poor, and only sent one elderly knight with his sole squire.  The night before the battle, the knight sharpened his weapon, while the squire, using a looped rope, slung a pot high over the fire to cook while he prepared the knight’s armor.

The next day, the battle began.  All the knights of the first two kingdoms had cavorted a bit too much (one should never cavort while sharpening weapons and jousting) and could not fight.  The squire of the third kingdom could not rouse the elderly knight in time for combat.  So, in the absence of the knights, the squires fought.

The battle raged well into the late hours, but when the dust finally settled, a solitary figure limped from the carnage.  The lone squire from the third kingdom dragged himself away, beaten, bloodied, but victorious.

And it just goes to prove, the squire of the high pot and noose is equal to the sum of the squires of the other two sides.

So, my son, the Whelpling, just texted me, out of the blue with:  I own a musket for home defense, since that’s what the founding fathers intended.  Four ruffians break into my house. 

“What the devil!” As I grab my powdered wig and Kentucky rifle.  I blow a golf ball sized hole through the first man, he’s dead on the spot.  Draw my pistol on the second man, miss him entirely because it’s smoothbore and instead it nails the neighbor’s dog. 

I have to resort to the cannon mounted at the top of the stairs loaded with grape shot.  “Tally-Ho, Lads!” I yell, as the grapeshot shreds two men in the blast, the sound and extra shrapnel set off car alarms. 

Fix bayonet and charge the last terrified rapscallion.  He bleeds out waiting on the police to arrive since triangular bayonet wounds are impossible to stitch up.

Just as the founding fathers intended. 

I reply with: “ROFLMAO!!  Nice!”

And he comes back and says to me, Yeah, but now XXX (his wife’s name) says I have to find some place else for the cannon.  She doesn’t like it at the top of the stairs.

WHAT?!?!

I was pretty sure it was all a joke and we were just kidding around.  Are you telling me …?!?!?!  Son?  Whelpling?

And now he won’t answer me.  I’m PRETTY sure he was joking…but with the Whelpling…

WARNING!

Stay away from natural foods.
Most people die from Natural Causes.

Braggart!

My brother Jon and I were fishing last summer, not having any luck he told me to we needed to move. I turned the key….nothing so I looked things over and turned it again….nothing, again….nothing! I told him “no problem, we can row to shore” then it him me, I left the oars laying in the yard at home!

Stranded my Brother said, “What now dipshit?”

“Don’t worry. Somebody is going to come by.” I answered.

Just then around the bend came my new Englishman neighbor and two ladies with parasols. I yelled out, “Could I borrow one of your oars?”

The Englishmen said, “Them’s not oars! One’s me wife and the other’s me sister.”

Feeling sick, my sister Lisa grabbed the thermometer from Mom’s drawer and popped it into her mouth.

“Uh, Lisa, that’s the dog’s thermometer” Mom yelled. Lisa spit it out “Ewww, that was in Molly’s mouth?!”

Mom hesitated before replying, “Not exactly.”

Yesterday I went to buy a new shirt, and after much perusing I chose one which was really natty. Much to my surprise, I found a note inside the shirt with a woman’s name and e-mail address asking the recipient to upload a photograph.

So, I promptly e-mailed off a note with one of my photos.

This morning I received an e-mail from her which read, “Thanks for

writing. I was just curious to see what kind of guy would even buy such a goofy shirt.”

Story of my life!

Does anyone really still think it was “accidental”?

Or worse, maybe stick it in the other end, would be more of an accurate depiction.  

Our country will become a better place, when EVERYONE realizes there are only two kinds of people in it.  GOOD People and BAD People.

ETHNICITY doesn’t matter.

“I Don’t Pay Attention To Politics…”
is one of the most ignorant statements a person can make.  If you allow people in your government to commit crimes in your name without questioning their actions, YOU are just as GUILTY as they are!

Remember:  When something goes wrong at the circus, they send in the clowns to distract the audience.  Well, something has gone very wrong with this circus, and the clowns are everywhere.

That used to be the punishment for Treason.  The punishment was death.  And it was carried out in the most public way possible, which was a public hanging, in order to insure that others got the correct message.

Leah D

7 Hours Ago

Dragon Laffs #2602

I want your diet! I realize not having Mary in the kitchen has to be a big part of it.
I strongly advise you to get every surgery you are contemplating done as soon as you can. If you want to enjoy your 70’s, better get ready now because by 70 they start thinking it is too dangerous to operate on you.

I know I’ve mentioned this before, but in case you missed it, you really DON’T want to know my diet secrets.  It started about a year and a half or so ago, maybe a little more when I was at my heaviest and you guys may remember I started talking more and more about Mary getting sicker and sicker and me having to take her more often to the doctor.  Well, that was my diet secret…Stress, depression, overwork, more stress, more depression.  Putting a smile on my face for my family when I didn’t feel like smiling.  Feeding everyone else in the house when I didn’t feel like eating.  I realized at the time that there were days in a row that my entire food intake for an entire day was a pack of six peanut butter crackers…and I wondered why I didn’t need insulin any more.  I had lost 60 pounds before I even noticed I had lost ANY pounds.  And then Mary got sick again and went in the hospital and didn’t come home again.
Well, she did.  But, she came home in an urn.  And since then I’ve lost almost another 60 pounds.  More stress, more depression…
So please.  No.  You really don’t want my diet.  Because it takes God’s intervention (Thank you Heavenly Father) to make the weight loss stop.  At least I think it has stopped.  If I go back to the doctor weighing significantly less than last time, she’s going to be pissed at me.
As far as surgeries go, I’m strong as an ox.  The doctors will tell me when I need to quit and quit having surgeries.  As far as I’m concerned, I’ll keep going until my body tells me I can’t go anymore.  I can’t go like I used to…by no means, but I can still go and I plan on still going until I can’t.  Mary wouldn’t want me to quit, so I’m not going to.
I hope I answered your questions.

You know what really bothers me?

Other people’s hang-ups…

I mean, if I’m calling you and giving you the chance to extend the warranty of your car, why wouldn’t you talk to me?

~ From the mind of David Benjamin Gruenbaum

THE OPPOSITE OF CROISSANT IS A HAPPY UNCLE.

And that about does it for today my friends.  May your week be filled with love and happiness and may you all  be well until we meet again further down the line.

It’s the weekend!  My last weekend of freedom!  Man, that sounds awful…but it really is, since next weekend is the alternate UTA and I’ll actually be working and teaching a class.  The first class that I’ll teach in a LONG time.  But, that’s NEXT weekend.  This weekend is THIS WEEKEND.  I’m not sure how things are going to work out with me going back to work next week, so we’ll have to see how it works out.  I’m actually looking forward to it. 

Today, Thursday, I already had Physical Therapy.  I love my PT but they are REALLY pushing me hard!  But, that’s what I want them to do.  I gotta get back in shape.  I lost SO much weight.  From my heaviest to what I am now, I’ve lost 115 pounds.  That’s like more than my mom weighed!  I lost an entire person!  THAT’S CRAZY!  The problem is that I lost a LOT of muscle mass, too.  I have to get back in shape.  That’s easy when you are in your 20’s and even in your 30’s.  It gets a bit harder in your 40’s.  It’s hard as hell in your friggin’ 50’s!!! 

Guys… 

My dear friends and family…

Loving and fellow campers….

I’m 63 years young on my human side.  That’s 189 in dragon years.  Now, honestly, like most people my age, I don’t FEEL 63.  I feel like a beat up twenty-year-old.  Mentally I feel like I have my whole life.  I FEEL like ME, like I ALWAYS have.  I just can’t stay up till 0300 and get up for work at 0600 any more.  Well, I take it back.  I could probably do it once.  Then I’d have to be in bed at 6 that evening.  And not do it over and over like I used to.  But, that is really the only difference I feel. 

But, right now, I feel weak after everything I’ve been through.  Emotionally, physically, and mentally I’ve had the living shit beat out of me.  Taking care of my dear Mary over the last several years, letting my own body go to waste, all the financial CRAP that has happened to us over the years, my darling Mary~Mae passing away, my hip finally giving up (should have had that taken care of years ago), anyway, long story short, I HAVE WORK TO DO TO PUT ALL THIS BACK TOGETHER AGAIN!!! 

Probably need left knee replaced.
Something done with my feet (feels like I’m walking on rocks when I’m in bare feet)
Left rotator cuff
Maybe spine surgery 

So yeah….definitely need to put myself together if I’m going to be able to do the things that God wants me to do. 

What does God want me to do? 

Well, that’s a topic for another issue.  He’s beginning to open up to me.  I’ve been so damn mad at Him since my Mary~Mae passed away, that it’s been hard to hear him, but when he sends the Holy Spirit to smack me in the back of the head over and over again, it’s very hard to ignore.  He agreed that my ministry for the past many years has been taking care of His daughter Mary but now that is over and He now has another ministry for me, so it’s time for me to get my butt up and get to church and pay attention because I’ve got work to do for Him.  And I think I may be beginning to figure out what that is.  Like I said, maybe more about that in the future.  We’ll see. 

In the mean time and in the near future… 

A true friend is someone who knows how crazy you are and is still willing to be seen in public with you.

Okay, I feel like I’ve got to start doing this NOW or I’m not going to get these in AGAIN.  So, let’s start getting to some of the mail and comments that I’ve collected, shall we?

Okay, there have been a lot of comments about the rolling rock project that Izzy Dragon and I have been working on.  And speaking of our rock project, we should finish that up by the end of this episode.  Anyway, I’m going to put all of those comments here together in the first mail section:

That would be my dogs.  They’d hold the door open for the burglar.  

Hand raised in the air here.

You ever climb up on someone’s shoulders in a pool and try to knock some else off of someone else’s shoulders into the pool?  This is the dragon equivalent.  Not as safe as splashing in a pool of water, but just as much fun for the participants.

Facebook be like, “What’s on your mind?”

Then ban you for sayin’ it!

Okay, my mind went blank.  I got nothing.

We all know mirrors don’t lie…

I’m just grateful that they don’t laugh.

Instant Karma!

I have just started reading a book called “Swimming The English Channel” written by Francis Near.

I hate it when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she’s not your friend anymore.

I am STILL behind by 859 emails, which means that right now, I am reading emails that came in on July 11th.  About 1 month behind.  But every day when I start up the computer, I go to the most recent emails to get rid of the junk emails that come in and to see if there is anything important that comes in.  I do that by glancing at the subject lines and the senders.  Well, today I got this one from Friggin’ Pete, which just so happens to go with the comment he sent earlier, if you guys can remember WAYYYY back to what we were talking about like 10 minutes ago…

Which tells me that the RoundUp may be left over in … let’s say the wheat, which is made into the flour, which is made into the bread, which then causes the problem?  I don’t know how it works, but it seems like that is what Dr. Seneff is pointing towards, or something of that nature.  And Friggin’ Pete, who brought it to our attention to begin with.  Thanks Pete!  Definitely glad I’m not growing anything in my backyard that I’m planning on eating.  

I can’t afford a vacation.
So I’m just going to drink until I don’t know where I am.

Sorry I haven’t texted you in a while.

I haven’t been drunk.

96% of Americans should NOT have to Adjust their Morals to accommodate 4% of the population!

The Democrat Party is the world’s most successful hate group.  It attracts poor people who hate rich people, black people who hate white people, gay people who hate straight people, feminists who hate men, environmentalists who hate the internal combustion engine, and a lot of bratty college kids who hate their parents.  However, the real secret of the party’s success is that it attracts the support of journalists who hate Republicans, and who therefore work tirelessly to convince the rest of us that we should vote for Democrats.

And even more so, the journalists work to convince everyone that it is us Republicans who hate everyone, when in all honesty, we just want to be left the hell alone.

ATTN: REPUBLICAN PARTY

When we put you back in power, no more hearings.  No more committees.  No more special investigations.  The evidence has been laid bare for the whole world to see.  WE WANT JUSTICE!  WE WANT INDICTMENTS!  WE WANT PRISON FOR ALL THOSE THAT COMMITTED TREASON AGAINST US AND OUR NATION!

NO MORE BULLSHIT!!!!

You do realize that Democrats voted to penalize citizens if they didn’t buy insurance and now offer it free to illegals…

LET THAT SINK IN

And now the FBI makes a raid on Trump’s home in Florida, while he’s in New York, that is, at the VERY least, debatably illegal or at a minimum, unnecessary.  And we’re expected to believe that the Whitehouse knew nothing about it.  I find that VERY hard to believe.  I agree with Trump that there is going to be something planted in those boxes, otherwise, why would they not let the lawyers be present like they were supposed to?  Why did they make them shut the cameras off?  It so suspect all the way around, but because it’s them, they’ll get away with it.  If we take over in November and/or in 2024, WE DAMN WELL BETTER MAKE THEM ANSWER FOR ALL THIS CRAP!  And while all this is going on, what does Biden do?  Goes on vacation.  Although, and I hope I’m wrong, but have you heard how bad Biden sounds?  He got COVID like 3 times in a row…is now the time they are getting ready to bump him off?  I don’t think the country can handle Laughing Horse or Drunken Bitch, so … I guess we’ll see.

Confused?

I become confused when I hear the word “Service” used with these agencies:

Internal Revenue “Service”
US Postal “Service”
Cable TV “Service”
Civil “Service”
Federal, State, City, and Public “Service”
Customer “Service”

But today, I overheard two farmers talking, and one of them said he had bought a bull to “Service” his cows.

BAM!!!  It all came into focus.  Now I understand what all those agencies are doing to us!

You are now as enlightened as I am.

Thanks to Stephanie for that last one.

Okay, one more time, because she brings up a GREAT point…

Okay, here it is….the finale of the stone project with Izzy.  And here are the final stones:

Significantly smaller and smoother than when they started.  The piece of pink rose quartz at the top is now two pieces cause it’s broke in half.  It was good fun.  We’re going to give it a week or so and start another batch.  Thanks for sharing with us. 

And that’s it for this episode my friends.  Love and Happiness to you all, until next time.

Good Morning Fellow Campers!

It’s Thursday for you guys.  I’m starting this on Monday, so I’m time traveling again.  Today has been a busy day for me.  I have 45 minutes before I have to get ready for Grief Group so I’m trying to put a couple of lines on here to get started before this day is gone. 

Like I said, busy day for me. 

It started out at 0530 hrs with my phone ringing … from work … with them reporting to me of an incident that took place that they have to report to me.  Not a big deal, nothing I can talk about — and no, for those of you wondering, it was not A BIG DEAL.  Something normal that happens all the time that just has to be reported to me when it happens.  The unusual part was that it was at 0530.  Now, I was getting up at 0600 anyway, so it wasn’t THAT big of a deal.  I had to run out to the base to pick up my laptop that was sitting there hooked up to the LAN getting all the updates it’s been missing out on being home here with me over the past 100 weeks.

But, since I had a little extra time this morning, I ran by my favorite breakfast spot and got my Deputy God’s favorite breakfast sandwich.  Yup, you know the one.  One of the ONLY breakfast sandwiches you are going to be able to get when you get to Heaven.  You know the one.  

That’s Heaven’s food.  Makes my mouth water just thinking about it.  Anyway, like I said, stopped and picked one up for me and my Deputy, since he was the only one that was going to be in today.  I had to make sure the laptop was back in working order and either pick up the laptop, run home and run some reports or run the reports there…after the Deputy and I had our LONG overdue morning briefing.  So, we talked for a bit, he went off to teach a class and I ran a bunch of reports, packed everything back up and left with JUST enough time to make it to Physical Therapy. 

Need I remind you, that I am now down to ONE WEEK remaining before I go back to work FULL TIME.  I’m trying not to be worried about going back to work FULL TIME (I don’t know why it keeps doing that, but every time I write the word full and time together it comes our FULL TIME).  Hmmm.  Must be a subconscious thing.    

An hour’s worth of PT, 30 minutes of mine and 30 minutes of theirs, then it was off to the pharmacy to pick up medicine for the Izzy Dragon and I and to get back home, hook up the work laptop, get on the government website connections (VPN) and the little baby spins like a top again.  Did several more hours of work and getting things ready for me to go back to the office next week and now I’m getting ready to go to Grief Group tonight. 

And that, ladies and gentlemen and all mythological creatures, both near and far has been my day SO FAR.  I have to still feed Pepper and Willow Dragon, drop Izzy Dragon at her place of employment, go to the next town over for class, make two stops on the way, have the two hour Grief Group session, come home for about an hour, then go back out and pick Miss Izzy back up again, and then it ought to be about time to curl up with my tail tucked and my wings folded for another day. 

WOW!!! 

Like I said, busy day. 

And tomorrow, I get to play darts. 

Whooooo Ahhhh!!!!

Oh!  And tomorrow is also Papa Dragon Most Senior’s 87th birthday!  So, a phone call will be thrown in there somewhere.  LOL!

Now, 

Being MALE is a matter of Birth, Being a MAN is a matter of Age, But being a GENTLEMAN is a matter of CHOICE. 

I had to try five different examples of that before I figured out it was true!!

ON THE INTERNET YOU CAN BE ANYTHING YOU WANT TO BE.  

It’s strange so many people choose to be so completely stupid.

Stop asking me what I do for fun!!!!…………

Illegal shit. 

Now leave me the hell alone.

“I said Smile for the camera!”

This one is from out dear camper friend Joe L in NJ.  And I want to apologize right up front, cause it’s a REAL GROANER!  But!!!  I’ll admit it!  Right here and Right Now!  I laughed.  Truly I did.  So, here goes:

In the days of old, when Genghis Kahn’s men were running over Asia, they set their sights on further shores. Rather than ‘huns’, these warriors were known as Kahn’s men, or simply, Kahns. 

When they had conquered all the way to the water’s edge, they build boats, gathered their loot, and bravely went to sea. By a sad twist of fate, they encountered an island of lepers, which resulted in most of the crew being infected. Hastily leaving that island, they set sail again, but by the time they reached Ireland, there wasn’t much left of them. 

Disembarking on stubby limbs, they set forth, but were soon set upon by the natives for the riches they carried. Rotted away, but still clever, they hid on the island and awaited rescue, and the locals never did get their hands on the treasure. And that’s how the story of the little people got started in Ireland – the leper Kahn’s and their pots of gold. 

Cunning though diseased, the Kahns were never fooled by those who tried to trick them out of their pots of gold by swapping them for an empty pot – thus the saying: “You cannot change a leper’s pots”. 

Someone told me I need to stop using F-bombs.

What the fuck is an F-bomb?

Your kids would have fewer allergies if they ate dirt and licked some salt blocks like the rest of us dis growing up.

Just an absolutely awesome picture!

As you can imagine, I’ve had more than my fair share of tears over the last several months and almost every time one or both of my puppy dragons have come over to me and laid their heads in my lap or pressed themselves against my legs or something similar when I have been crying.  So, I can verify that this is very true.

Several people have sent me copies of the first one of the two of these that are on this video, but I choose this video because it also has a bonus video with it.  So, enjoy…and thanks to all of you who sent me copies of this.

Those are definitely NOT my puppies watching the fireworks!  Mine HATE fireworks!

One day I was born.

Then everything bothered me.

And that brings us up to date.

I really felt uncomfortable driving into the cemetery.  The GPS blurted out, “You have reached your final destination.”

Johnny Depp gets 15 million dollars for being with a nut job. 

All these years I’ve done it for free.

Girl Friend:  I’m sick and tired of you pretending you’re a detective.  I think we should split up. 

Me:  Good idea!  We can cover more ground that way.

I’ll Never Understand…5,000 years of eating all kinds of bread and then suddenly, in the course of a decade, everyone is allergic to gluten. 

These next couple were sent to me by Paul K. and he writes: 

Liberty Arms is a gun and ammo shop in Tazwell, Tennessee with a patriotic sense of humor. Their billboard sign changes frequently.

They are one of the largest sellers of guns and ammo in the country as I hear it.

Thanks Paul!

Nicely said, guys!

If you haven’t realized the hypocrisy in the easiest and obvious of things, how are you possibly going to recognize it in the more complex and hidden?

Just like they are trying to take away the 2nd amendment and our weapons while arming up the branches of the government that make no sense in giving guns to!

So now burning a Gay Flag is called a “Hate Crime” but burning the American Flag is “FREE SPEECH”!?!?

I think I’m starting to lose my mind. 

But as long as I keep the part that tells me when I gotta pee, I should be okay.

Is there a world where this is even possible?

And it’s a shame we live in a world where this is probably required.

THIS TOO SHALL PASS

It might pass like a kidney stone 

But it will pass

NOTICE TO THE PUBLIC 

Due to the coronavirus, we are asking protesters to work from home and destroy their own property.

Thank you.

 

Remember when we talked about the extra IRS agents being hired?  I wanted to show you guys this visual real quick before we ended today:

 

Think about it…23,000 Dept. of State Employees + 35,000 Dept. of Justice Employees + 60,000 US Customs and Border Protection Employees = 118.000 total Employees.  Not even close to the total 165.000 IRS employees.  You gotta wonder why, right? 

That’s it.  That’s all I wanted to point out. 

So, go out there and have a great day and until we meet again, may your days be filled with Love and Happiness.

GOOD MORNING LOYAL LAFFERS!!!!!

It’s Monday morning!  One week and counting until my return to full time work!  I gotta tell you, I think I’m actually looking forward to it.  I never thought I’d say that out loud, but I think it’s true.  As much as I’ve liked working from home, it’s also frustrating not being able to REALLY get things done.  Anyway, one more week and we’ll see.

Lots of crazy things going on lately.  You guys see the MMA trainer/fighter who stopped the homeless guy from his random attacks in New York?  Yup.  Saw it this guy walking down Broadway and him and another guy stepped in and held this guy down until the cops got there.  Nicely done! 

China is launching missiles over Taiwan because of Pelosi’s visit.  Okay, officially, they are conducting invasion exercises.  Basically, they are throwing a temper tantrum because they said no and we did it anyway.  That’s pretty damn childish.  But they have to appear badass because the leader (I can’t remember his name off the top of my head) is trying to stay in power. 

You know that the Texas and to a lesser degree Arizona folks have been busing illegal aliens to D.C. Well, Mayor Adams of New York made some sort of comment about them Texas sucking it up so Texas sent a bus to New York and Mayor Adams is now crying and asking for the National Guard for help.  It’s hilarious.  Mayor Adams says Gov Abbott is despicable for doing this.  You know?  TELL THE PRESIDENT…it’s his policy guys!

Pelosi’s husband gets caught for a DWI?  Gets off with a slap on the wrist?  Whatta ya wanna bet?  Yeah, I know…suckers bet.

A N Y W A Y … What do you say we get this train moving down the track?

Well, maybe not like that!  How about we just get into the laughter part?

Quote by a forest ranger at Yosemite National Park on why it is hard to design the perfect garbage bin to keep bears from breaking into it:
“There is considerable overlap between the intelligence of the smartest bears and the dumbest tourists.”

Yeah, it was pretty bad.

Dan Bongino on FOX News just made a really good point.  What was the point of Pelosi’s trip to Taiwan to begin with?  You know, once the Whitehouse leaked the trip, she pretty much HAD to go or we looked weaker than we already looked, even though Quivering Joe told her not to go, but what the hell was she doing over there to begin with?  Was she announcing some new plan to support Taiwan?  Setting up some new Defense Plan (which she wasn’t authorized to do, anyway)?  It’s all total bullshit. 

One of our wonderful campers, Paul K., sent me a great video.  It was a spoken essay and try as I might, I couldn’t embed it here, but it was so good, I decided to transcribe it instead, so, here it is, word for word as best as I could manage.  Thanks for this one, Paul!

I never dreamed that I would have to face the prospect of not living in the United States of America.  At least not the one I’ve known all my life.  I’ve never wished to live anywhere else.  This is my home and I was privileged to be born here.  Today I woke up and as I had my morning coffee I realized that everything is about to change.  No matter how I vote, no matter what, I see something evil has invaded our nation and our lives are never going to be the same.  I’ve been confused by the hostility of family and friends.  I look at people I’ve known all my life, so hate-filled that they agree with opinions they would never express as their own.  I think I may have well entered the Twilight Zone.

We have become a nation that has lost its collective mind.  You can’t justify this insanity. 
* If a guy pretends to be a woman, you’re required to pretend with him. 
* Somehow it’s unamerican for the census to count how many Americans are in America. 
* Russians influencing our elections are bad, but illegals voting in our elections are good. 
* It was cool for Joe Biden to blackmail the President of Ukraine, but it’s an impeachable offense if Donald Trump inquires about it. 
* Twenty is too young to drink a beer, but eighteen is old enough to vote. 
* People who have never owned slaves should pay slavery reparations to people who have never been slaves.
* People who have never been to college should pay the debts of college students who took out huge loans for their degree. 
* Immigrants with tuberculosis and polio are welcome but you better be able to prove your dog is vaccinated. 
* Irish doctors and German engineers who want to immigrate to the U.S. must go through a rigorous vetting process, but any illiterate gangbangers who jump the southern fence are welcome. 
* Five billion dollars for border security is too expensive, but 1.5 trillion for free health care is not.  * If you cheat to get into college you go to prison, but if you cheat to get into the country you go to college for free. 
* People who say there’s no such thing as gender are demanding a female president. 
* We see other countries going Socialist and collapsing, but it seems like a great plan to us. 
* Some people are held responsible for things that happened before they are born and other people are not held responsible for what they are doing right now. 
* Criminals are caught and released to hurt more people, but stopping them is bad because it’s a violation of their rights. 
* And pointing out all this hypocrisy somehow makes us racist. 
* Nothing  makes sense anymore.  No values, no morals and no stability. 
* People are dying of a Chinese virus, but it’s racist to refer to it as Chinese, even though it began in China. 

We’re clearly living in an upside-down world where right is wrong and wrong is right; where moral is immoral and immoral is moral; where good is evil and evil is good; where killing murderers is wrong, but killing unborn babies is A-Okay.  Wake up America.  The great unsinkable ship, Titanic America has hit an iceberg, is taking on water, and is sinking fast. 

Speak up.

Okay, that took a LOT longer than I thought it would.  LOL!  Anyway, as you can see, well worth the effort.  The funny thing is, it was a young lady standing in front of the camera with a picture of Fauci behind her.  And she spoke the whole thing VERY quickly.  Thanks again, Paul.

MAN!  I love these old ads!

Not a goldfish, Kitty.

If your electric car runs out of power on the interstate do you walk to a charging station to get a bucket of electricity?

Another of my baby pictures.  My mom had a weird sense of timing.

Come on…admit it…haven’t we all been there?

It would be a lot like the Dragon Laffs Campers all meeting somewhere in the Real World.

FOR SALE:  MY WHITE PRIVILEGE CARD

Over 50 years old but in mint condition.  Never been used.
REASON FOR SELLING:  It hasn’t done anything for me!  No free college, no free food, no free housing, no free anything.  I’ve had to go to work every day of my life while paying a boatload of taxes to carry those who chose not to work!
If interested, I prefer cash, but willing to do an even trade for a Victim Card which seems much more widely accepted and comes with countless benefits without even having to show the card!
If interested contact me on my cell phone that I pay for every month.
Serious buyers only!

There is a certain segment of the population who have no idea what the rest of us are laughing at right now.

I think the me who buys groceries and the me that actually has to cook the meals are two entirely different people.

I was wondering why music was coming from my printer.  Apparently the paper was jamming.

Another historical photograph.  Two of our original security experts coming to an understanding over … let’s say … areas of responsibilities.

Someone should start a rumor about a shortage of jobs so everyone will panic and go get one.

Everyone needs a friend who they probably shouldn’t be allowed to sit next to at a serious function.

And the rest of us, who did get it, cried.

If your wife or girlfriend ever asks, “If I was to arrange a threesome for your birthday, which of my friends would you pick to join in?”

Never give two names.

This one is from our dear camper friend Lynn.  She sends us a YouTube video of :

Misheard Lyrics | Peter Kay: The Tour That Didn’t Tour Tour

Some really funny stuff.  Thanks, Lynn!

I just deleted all the German names off my mobile phone.

Now I’m Hans free.

I love this joke with all my heart.  And yes, I have used it before.  But, for those of you who may not have heard it before, or may just want to laugh at it again, here it is again…

A week ago, my Mother-in-Law began reading The Exorcist.  She said it was the most evil book she had ever read.  So evil, in fact, she couldn’t finish it, took it over to the beach, and threw the book into the ocean off a fishing pier. 

I went and bought another copy, ran the faucet over it, and left the wet book in the night table drawer by her bed.

I am, without a doubt, going to hell.

How do I feel about gun control? 

Break in and you’ll find out.

The pictures that are now going through my head……

THE PROBLEM WITH THE WORLD IS THAT THE INTELLIGENT PEOPLE ARE FULL OF DOUBT, WHILE THE STUPID PEOPLE ARE FULL OF CONFIDENCE.   ~ Charles Bukowski

Aaaaannnnddddd we’re out of time today my friends.  Some things we didn’t get to, but there is always next time.  Until then…