It’s late on Friday and I’m just getting this started. I’ve got a gazillion emails to get to and I’m way behind. This one may not be as long as normal.
But, on the flip side, I just started a load of laundry and have to stay up to take care of that. I’m not working tomorrow, so there’s that, but I do have to get up and mow. Then Holly and I are going to the movies.
Boy, this having a girlfriend sure takes up an awful lot of time.
Anyway, let’s get to it.
The wedding day was fast approaching. Everything was ready, and nothing could dampen Jennifer’s excitement, not even her parents’ nasty divorce.
Her mother Sheila finally found the PERFECT dress to wear and would be the best dressed mother of the bride EVER!
A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn her new VERY young stepmother, Barbie, had purchased the same dress.
She asked Barbie to exchange the dress, but Barbie refused, “Absolutely not! I’m going to wear this dress; I’ll look like a million in it!”
Jennifer told her mother, who graciously replied, “Never mind dear. I’ll get another dress, after all it’s YOUR special day, not hers.”
Two weeks later another dress was finally found.
When they stopped for lunch, Jennifer asked her mother, “What are you going to do with the first dress? Maybe you should return it. You don’t have any place to wear it.”
Sheila grinned and replied, “Of course, I do, dear. I’m wearing it to the rehearsal dinner!
“Personal: I’m married with 9 children. I don’t require prescription drugs.”
“I am extremely loyal to my present firm, so please don’t let them know of my immediate availability.”
“Qualifications: I am a man filled with passion and integrity, and I can act on short notice. I’m a class act and do not come cheap.”
“Note: Please don’t misconstrue my 14 jobs as ‘job-hopping’. I have never quit a job.”
“Number of dependents: 40.”
“Marital Status: Often. Children: Various.”
“Here are my qualifications for you to overlook.”
REASONS FOR LEAVING THE LAST JOB:
“Responsibility makes me nervous.”
“They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 every morning. Couldn’t work under those conditions.”
JOB RESPONSIBILITIES:
“While I am open to the initial nature of an assignment, I am decidedly disposed that it be so oriented as to at least partially incorporate the experience enjoyed heretofore and that it be configured so as to ultimately lead to the application of more rarefied facets of financial management as the major sphere of responsibility.”
“I was proud to win the Gregg Typting Award.”
“My goal is to be a meteorologist. Since I have no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage.”
“I procrastinate – especially when the task is unpleasant.”
PHYSICAL DISABILITIES:
“Minor allergies to house cats and Mongolian sheep.”
Recently some archeologists in England dug 200 meters underground and found old copper and wires. British scientists concluded that 2000 years ago their ancestors were using telephones.
Archeologists in France dug 300 meters underground and found similar material. French scientists concluded that 3000 years ago their ancestors were using high-tech telecommunications systems.
Archeologists in Egypt dug 500 meters in the desert under the Pyramids of Giza, and found nothing. Egyptian scientists concluded that 5000 years ago their ancestors were already using mobile phones.
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
– H. G. Wells (1866-1946
That’s it. Almost a full issue. Until next time my dear friends. My love to you all.
