As promised in the last issue, I’m starting this pretty much right after the last one so as to try to get ahead a little. I’ve been super busy lately between working, the jail, FBI, and my other ministries. God has been good to me and has kept me so very blessed.

It is Thanksgiving week so we will start with the Thanksgiving cartoons and memes today. We’ve already discussed my personal feelings on the holiday, so no need to go into that further, so let’s jump into our issue and 

Just…why?

 

Because it came up today and not on 28 June, that’s why.

 

Shortly after the birth of their second child, a husband offered to take his wife shopping for a new dress. 

He endured more than two hours of listening to her complaints about which figure flaw each dress accentuated.

As she emerged from the dressing room, having tried on the last selection, she asked for her husband’s opinion. 

By this time he had learned just the right things to say.

“It’s perfect!” he exclaimed. “It makes your waist look smaller, your legs look longer, and slenderizes your hips.”

Just then another lady in the dressing room spoke out. “If there is a dress here that will do that, I’ll buy them all!”

A farmer’s horse dies and he heads into town to buy a replacement.

He heads to the local horse dealer to see what’s available. He looks at several fine horses but they are all way beyond what he can afford. He explains his predicament to the dealer who tells him,

“Come around back, I think I may have something for you”

He shows him a horse that while not as impressive as those out front, seems to be healthy and strong. And the price is less than half the others.

“Before I can sell you this horse,” explains the dealer, “There’s something I have to tell you”

“I knew there had to be a catch” said the farmer, “What is it?”

“Well, this horse likes to sit on banana peels.” said the dealer. “If he sees a banana peel anywhere, he’ll sit on it and you won’t be able to budge him for half an hour”

The farmer thinks this over for a while and decides that it’s pretty unlikely he’ll come across too many banana skins, so he agrees to buy the horse.

He saddles it up and heads for home. A few miles down the trail the farmer is feeling pretty good about the whole deal, the horse is sure footed and responds well to the reins. He figures he’s got a good bargain.

Suddenly, up ahead, he spies something yellow on the ground. As they get closer he realizes that it’s a banana peel. 

The trail is too narrow to go around the banana peel so he decides to cross to the trail on the other side of the river. He steers the horse into the river and they start to cross.

Halfway across the river the horse suddenly sits down and the farmer is thrown into the water cracking his head on a rock.

Nothing the farmer can do will get the horse on it’s feet again. Soaking wet, bleeding and shivering with cold, the farmer wades to the other bank.

Half an hour later the horse gets back on its feet and walks to shore. The farmer rides it back to the farm without incident.

The next time the farmer is in town, the dealer sees him and asks how he’s making out with his new horse.

“Terrible!” says the farmer. He points to the gash on his head and tells him the story of what happened in the river.

The dealer smacks his hand to his forehead and says…

“Oh! I forgot to tell you! He sits on fish too”

 

 

Hmm, I wonder ……

 

Ummmmm….. I have questions ….. who’s gonna …… never mind.

Tired of the inconvenience of the drive from airport to country cottage, a man equipped his small plane with pontoons so he could land on the lake directly in front of his cottage.

On his next trip, he made his approach down the airport runway as usual.

Alarmed, his wife cried out, “Are you crazy? You can’t land this plane here without wheels!”

The startled husband abruptly yanked the nose up, narrowly averting certain disaster.

Continuing, he landed the plane on the lake without mishap. 

As he sat there, visibly shaken he said to his wife, “I don’t know what got into me. That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever done in my life!”

And with that, he opened the door and stepped out, falling into the water.

 

 

Another reason to just LOVE Thanksgiving.

 

 

Yes! Like that! But EVERY SINGLE DAY!

 

 

I haven’t been by this spot on the highway in a while … I wonder if this billboard is still up…

 

 

As a history buff, I was looking forward to staying in a hotel in Salisbury, England, that dated back to the 13th century. 

But when I arrived, the hotel clerk gave me some bad news–my room was in the new section. 

Disappointed, I asked when the ‘new’ section had been built. 

“In the 1600s,” she replied apologetically.

 

 

And therein lies the problem. You ARE free to do whatever you want to do. That’s what free will is all about. But you want to do X. You are perfectly within your rights and free to do X. All we are trying to tell you is these few things, now listen up.
#1 God loves you. That’s the biggest one.
#2 God will NOT tolerate sin.
#3 According to God, X is a sin.
Now, for our part. We love you, too. We do not want to see you go to hell. Because you see, because of #2 above, if you don’t get right with God, that’s where you are going to end up. It’s not that we are such a hateful, intolerant bigot, quite the opposite in fact. We love you so much we don’t want to see you spend ETERNITY (which is a really long time) in an unending painful burning fire over living a life of sin that is such a miniscule amount of time here on earth.
Especially when all you have to do is change your ways, repent of your sins, accept Christ as your Savior and go and do the best you can from then on.
You’re going to mess up again.
We all do.
So pick yourself up, rinse and repeat. Try not to mess up again, at least not the same way you just did, repent again (apologize sincerely) and go on and keep doing the best you can.
Read your Bible.
Go to a good church.
Fellowship.
It all helps.
It’s not rocket surgery.

Impish, you didn’t say anything about getting baptized.

Nope, I didn’t. You SHOULD get baptized, you don’t HAVE to get baptized to be saved. Baptism is an outward expression of an inward change. And yes I know that goes against a LOT of denominations, but TRUST me when I tell you that it being a requirement is NOT biblical. I’ll give you one definitive proof: the thief on the cross. If you need more of an explanation than that, write to me and I’ll be happy to share it.

 

 

The bar tab of a 1787 farewell party for George Washington is still intact. According to the tab, the Founding Fathers drank:
54 bottles of Madeira
60 bottles of Claret
7 bottles of Whiskey
22 bottles of Porter
8 bottles of Hard Cider
12 bottles of Beer
and
7 bowls of Alcoholic Punch

There were 55 attendees.

Doing just a little math and not counting the punch, that only averages 3 bottles each. Now, when you figure in that you can get multiple servings out of the Madeira, Claret, Whiskey, and the Alcoholic Punch, we are WAY past the 3 bottles each limit.

 

 

That’s actually a pretty good answer.

 

 

Bananas are not trees because they have no wood. Instead, they are herbs, and the banana is actually a berry. 
I actually heard this as a trivia question on the radio today!!

 

 

The “I got a boyfriend” line doesn’t work anymore.

Now you gotta say, “I’m looking for a man to pay all of my bills.” Works like a charm!

YES! OF COURSE!

 

 

This is a screenshot grabbed from my FBI (Faith Bible Institute) class showing where slavery is still prevalent today. I thought I was going to be surprised, but I really wasn’t.

 

Come on, really? You don’t get that one? WKRP? The great turkey drop?

An absolute classic

How can we expect people who can’t tell the difference between a man and a woman to understand the difference between a King and a President?

 

 

That’s it my friends. I hope you enjoyed this one as much as I did. May you all enjoy the rest of your week. I hope you get to take some time off to spend with your families.