Well, just one more episode before Halloween and I still have a TON of memes and cartoons to get through, so I’m going to pick up the pace a little.

For me, it is day 21 of the furlough, unemployment, no pay, or whatever you want to call it. If they haven’t straightened it out by the time you guys read this, it will be day 27. This is getting absolutely dumb. I’m not sure what I’m going to do if it goes on much longer. But I do know that God knows.

The moronic “No Kings” rally, party, or whatever it was, is now over, which a lot of people have said they wanted to wait for, so we’ll see what happens this week. But, today is already Tuesday and the “experts” are already saying that nothing is going to happen this week.

Anyway, I can complain about this ALL DAY LONG. Truly I can. But, you guys don’t want to hear that. You (and I) want to laugh, so let’s get that part, shall we?

Q. What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common?
A. They’re married.

Old man Willy Blumenfeld was getting on in years. His son, Harold, had done well financially in ladies’ underwear.
 
He asked his father if he’d like to go down to Miami Beach. He thought it would be good for the old man to have companionship and balmy weather as well in his declining years.
 
The old man was pleased but consented to go only if he could be at a Kosher hotel. 

So Harold made reservations at the Sterling Hotel and put his father on a plane for Miami Beach.
 
His son phoned him once a week and everyone seemed happy. Some weeks later, Harold had to make a business trip south and decided to drop in on pop unannounced as a surprise.
 
When he got to the Sterling Hotel, there was no sign of old man Blumenfeld.
 
He asked the desk clerk if he had any idea where his father might be and he was told he might try room 402 at the Sans Souci. 

Harold hopped into a cab and headed for the Sans Souci. He learned at the desk that room 402 was occupied by a Miss Peggy Murphy.
 
Harold rushed up to room 402, knocked at the door which was opened by a tall, sparsely dressed redhead. And there was papa in a bathrobe!
 
Harold was furious! Unable to contain himself, he screamed, “Papa, I’m so shocked I don’t know what to say! An old religious man like you! And you insisted yet you must stay at a Kosher hotel!”
 
The old man looked at him as if crazy and said, “So, what are you getting so excited for? I don’t eat here!”

Me neither!

It’s okay to live a life others don’t understand.

 

There’s an awful lot of truth there!

 

Okay, I’m getting cold just LOOKING at those pictures!

S0unds like something that would be said today, right? Sounds like something I would say. But, keep in mind, Charles Spurgeon passed away in a couple of years ago… in fact, more than 133 years ago in 1892. This has been going on for a LONG time.

 

I ran for the first time with my new Fitbit on. It detected me running, and asked if my life was in danger, or if tacos were on sale for $1 again.

 

Gee, another theme coming up.

 

Did you hear about the Italian chef who died?

He pasta way. We cannoli do so much. He just ran out of thyme. Sending olive my prayers to the family. His wife is really upset, cheese still not over it. You never sausage a tragic thing…

 

That is truly amazing! And truly scary!

If Adam and Eve were Native

I just hate it when Walmart doesn’t have what I need and I have to go home, change out of my pajamas and take a shower so I can go to Target.

 

Life Hack #42

The best way to avoid parking tickets is to remove your windshield wipers.

Follow me for more great advice.

 

Some of us married women like that.

 

The first bottle of Coca-Cola in 1894 contained cocaine. Suddenly it all makes sense …

That’s how our parents and grandparents managed to walk to and from school uphill, both ways, barefoot, in the snow.

Your job as a woman is to observe when your man is happy and immediately put a stop to that nonsense.

A woman at our interactive advertising agency had recently returned from her maternity leave when she sent the following e-mail:
 
“Whoever used the milk in the small plastic container that was in the refrigerator yesterday, please do NOT own up to it. 

I would find it forever after difficult to meet your gaze across a cafeteria table whilst having a discussion about java applets or brand identity.
 
Just be aware that that milk was EXPRESSLY for my son if you get my drift. I will label these things from now on, but if you found your coffee tasted just a little bit unusual this morning, you might think about calling your mom and telling her you love her.”

And that’s it my friends. Day 22 of unemployment for me.

I just got my pay statement in my email today and I thought, “What’s this?! Are they paying us?” So I went to the website to look and there it was, big and bold. My pay for payday:

$0.00

I have to admit. It was a bit of a shock. And scary. I have enough for this payday, but we’re already halfway through next payday and I do NOT have anything for that payday, so I have to do something.  The problem is, I don’t know what that something is. I have the faith that God will take care of me.

So, until we meet again my dear friends, may our dear Heavenly Father Bless Us and Keep Us, may He Smile His Face upon Us.