Okay, I’m gonna try really hard to put together this issue in about an hour or so. Just so you guys will have something for next Monday because starting tomorrow, Wednesday, my week is going to explode.
So, let’s get to it!
A woman went to a computer dating service and said she didn’t care about looks, income or background.
All she wanted was a man of upright character.
Then a man came in and told them the only thing he was seeking in a woman was intelligence.
The service matched them together at once because they had one thing in common – they were both compulsive liars.
39 Teachers Shared The Basic Life Skills Their Students Have Absolutely No Idea How To Do
WOW! Just…WOW!
‘Outright murder’: UnitedHealth pressured nurses to DNR patients who didn’t want to die
I have a friend who got a job doing translation work for the deaf, but was disappointed they wouldn’t give him a signing bonus!
Got stuck in traffic for so long the other day that even google maps said “Are we nearly there yet?”
Suspect there will never be an edible version of Scrabble, but if there is, I’ll eat my words.
A friend has bought an old aircraft, took the wings off, and turned it into a restaurant. I don’t think it will take off.
My mobile phone accidentally took a 10 minute video of my shoes yesterday. It was some pretty good footage.
The other day I was listening to a song about superglue, it’s been stuck in my head ever since.
I had my patience tested…I’m negative.
“My twin sister called me from prison. She said: “You know how we finish each other’s sentences?” …
If you ever get cold, just stand in the corner of a room for a while. They’re normally around 90 degrees.
Proofreading is a lost rat.
Did you see how excited everyone was for the newest Lego set? People lined up for blocks.
I hate when my wife gets mad at me for being lazy…it’s not like I did anything.
Employer: If anyone asks for me, I’ll be back in half an hour.
New office junior: Yes, sir, and how soon will you be back if no one asks for you?
What’s the difference between a politician and a serial killer? The serial killer might listen if you plead with them
My wife dated a clown before she started going out with me. I had some pretty big shoes to fill.
What does James Bond do before he goes to sleep? He goes undercover.
Hundreds of Amish Men Pick Up & “Walk” A Barn
This move happened in Geauga County, Ohio (specifically Troy Township near Burton, OH), and it was the barn of an Amishman named Nelson Yoder, who decided to move an old machinery barn to a more convenient location to be used in his poly furniture business.
Now we’re going to pursue a theme provided by Aussie Pete.
The 27 Most Unintentionally Profound Things People Have Heard
1. An adult dog has 42 teeth.
2. A dog’s sense of smell is more than 1 million times stronger than that of a person.
3. More than 1 in 3 families in the United States owns a dog.
4. Spaying or neutering your dog can help prevent certain types of cancer.
5. If never spayed or neutered, a pair of dogs can produce 66,000 puppies in 6 years.
6. A dog’s sense of hearing is more than 10 times more accurate than that of a person.
7. The average dog can run about 19 miles per hour at full speed.
8. Dogs are mentioned 14 times in the Bible.
9. A dog’s nose print is one of a kind, very similar to a person’s fingerprint.
10. The average body temperature for a dog is 101.2.
11. With an average lifespan of just over 11 years, the typical dog costs $13,500.
12. The only sweat glands a dog has are between its toes.
13. Dogs are omnivorous; they need to eat more than just meat.
14. Dogs have twice as many ear muscles as people.
15. Dogs will be submissive to anyone they feel is higher up in the pack.
16. People have been keeping dogs for pets for 12,000 years.
17. A female dog carries her puppies for about 60 days before they are born..
18. It is a myth dogs are color blind; they actually see color, just not as vividly as a person.
19. Obesity is the number-one health problem in dogs.
20. Seventy percent of people sign their pets name on greeting/holiday cards
A woman was letting her husband have it with just a touch more venom than usual, saying, “You’re an idiot.
You have always been an idiot. You’ll always be an idiot.
If they had an idiot contest, you’d come in second.”
“Why would I come in second?” her husband asked.
She replied, “Because you’re an idiot!”
Oldie Memories:
Defrosting the freezer…
Replacing burned out tubes in the television
No A/C
Watching stars at night and the only thing that moved were comets
Running outside to see an airplane fly over
Hearing a sonic-boom
Double clutching a three-on-a-tree
The smell of bakelite
Having a neighborhood dog chase your car- or bike
Car Hops
Fuzzy toilets lid cover and matching horseshoe mat
“Return Postage Guaranteed” motel keys
Imprinted credit card receipts
“Counter checks”
Credit at the gas station
“Collect calls”
Late night listening to an AM radio station from a city a thousand miles away… (WOR, WLS, WWL, something out of Wheeling, WV…)
45 Bits of Trivia About Animals That’ll Make You Want to Fashion A Loincloth and Join Tarzan in the Jungle
That’s it my friends. Until next time. May God bless you with love and happiness.
Dragon Laffs 
and the teachers are screaming for big raises. See? I didn’t even capitalize the first word of that sentence and I started first grade in 1971.