We normally talk about this on Veterans Day, but it is appropriate here as well as everyone of us at one point in our career signs a blank check made out to the United States of America for anything up to and including our lives.  Today, we celebrate those of us who have given that ultimate price.  For our country.  For someone else.  This includes Police officers, Fire Fighters, Emergency Medical Responders, Department of Corrections Officers, Emergency Management Personnel who act as First Responders … everyone who is a First Responder, those individuals who move towards the sound of gunfire and screams and shouts for help, instead of away from them. 

Less than 1% of the population in the United States (as of 2023) is actively associated with the military.  This includes civilians (like this dragon) who work for the military.  [Believe it or not, some of us civilians are in jobs, like mine, that can be deployed down-range with the military guys.  The only difference between me and them is that I can say no and quit my job.  Those are my two choices.  They don’t get two choices.]  1% of the population have agreed to put their lives between the evilness in the world and the other 99% of the population.  It’s easily understood how some of them make the ultimate sacrifice.  

Today, we remember them.

Why in the WORLD we don’t remember them every, single, solitary day of the year is well beyond the understanding of this poor, ignorant dragon, but …. then … I have no idea how we could POSSIBLY have homeless veterans living on the street.  Or how they could have such a crappy pay scale and retirement plan.  Or how anyone considers a GREAT deal for a veteran is a 5% discount.  Or how crappy the VA is for care.  Or why we aren’t treating every one of our veterans like GOLD!  How many people do YOU know who are complete strangers who have willingly offered to lay down their LIFE for YOU????

Okay, have I been yelling?

Raising my voice?

Sorry.  I get a tiny bit fired up over the whole thing.

So, okay, time to push that soap box back under the table.

John 15:13 is usually brought out on Memorial Day.  It is appropriate, but it is actually discussing Christ giving up his life for us.  It goes like this:  Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.  Verse 12, the verse right before this one says: This is My commandment: that ye love one another, as I have loved you. Notice here, speaking to his Disciples, that he is not saying to love your neighbor as you love yourself.  No.  He’s asking a HIGHER form of love from them.  He’s telling them to love one another the way that He (Jesus) loved them.  Can anyone love the way that Jesus loves?  Probably not, but we can try.  Then in the very next line he follows up with the ultimate expression of love is to give your  life for your friends.  Then in verse 14 he puts it all together when he says: Ye are My friends if ye do whatsoever I command you.  I plan on giving my LIFE for you as the ultimate expression of MY love for YOU.  At least that’s the implication.

On Memorial Day, we are celebrating that ultimate expression of love that so many have given to us, the 1% giving to the 99%.  Please, take a moment today to pause, take a moment to say a prayer of thanks for that love, and a prayer to bless the family and friends of those who gave that gift to us, that we might have a nicer, more blessed day ourselves.

Now, let’s move on and …

A little “How-To” from Joe

Dear friend of the show, Leah D., sent this to me on April 13th (yes, I’m that far behind) (Hey!  That’s only ten days of this writing, that’s not so bad!) (Oh…no…that’s a month and ten days ago…never mind)  and she writes this:

Sorry I’m late, Bob.

Hey!  Finally, a day to be recognized for who I am!

Life is a grindstone. Whether it grinds a person down or polishes a person up depends on what one is made of.

Josh Billings (1818-1885)

Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I’ll be yours forever.

The guy replies: Thanks for the warning.

What happened to the blonde Ice Hockey Team?

They drowned in Spring Training.

A psychiatrist visited a California mental institution and asked a patient, “How did you get here? What was the nature of your illness?”

He got the following reply.  “Well, it all started when I got married and I guess I should never have done it.  I married a widow with a grown daughter who then became my stepdaughter.

My dad came to visit us, fell in love with my lovely stepdaughter, then married her.  And so my stepdaughter was now my stepmother. Soon, my wife had a son who was, of course, my daddy’s brother-in-law since he is the half-brother of my stepdaughter, who is now, of course, my daddy’s wife.

So, as I told you, when my stepdaughter married my daddy, she was at once my stepmother!  Now, since my new son is brother to my stepmother, he also became my uncle.  As you know, my wife is my step-grandmother since she is my stepmother’s mother. Don’t forget that my stepmother is my stepdaughter.  Remember, too, that I am my wife’s grandson.

But hold on just a few minutes more. You see, since I’m married to my step-grandmother, I am not only the wife’s grandson and her hubby, but I am also my own grandfather.

Now can you understand how I got put in this place?”

After staring blanky with a dizzy look on his face, the psychiatrist replied: “Move over!”

A United States Marine walks into a restroom at the Pentagon to take a leak…

There, at the row of urinals, a Soldier and a Sailor are also relieving themselves. The Marine pulls up to a vacant urinal next to them and gets ready to do his business.

Just then the Soldier finishes up, zips up, and goes over to the sink. He turns on the water and lets it get nice and warm (adjusting it several times until it’s perfect), then rolls up his sleeves and douses his hands and forearms in the water stream for several seconds. He then pumps a whole bunch of squirts of soap from the soap dispenser into his hands and (while the water is still running, of course) proceeds to vigorously soap up and scrub his hands and forearms for several more seconds. When finished, he rinses his arms and hands for several more seconds, then shuts off the water. He then proceeds to pull 10-15 paper towels from the paper towel dispenser and wad them up. As he begins to dry off his hands and arms with the huge paper towel wad he says to the others, “You see, gentlemen, the Army teaches you to be thorough!”

Not having it, the clearly annoyed Sailor finishes up, zips up, and also goes over to the sink. He turns on the faucet for a split second; just enough to splash water over his hands and get them wet. He then puts one hand under the soap dispenser and pumps a tiny glob of soap onto his palm. He then aggressively rubs the soap all over both of his hands, scrubbing them clean. He then puts his hands back under the faucet and turns it on just enough to release a splash of water sufficient to remove the soap residue. He then shakes his hands over the sink to remove the excess water, and goes to the paper towel dispenser where he pulls out a small section of towel, precisely rips a one-inch wide strip from the bottom, and then folds it up into a neat square. As he starts to blot his hands dry with it he says to the others, “You see, gentlemen, the Navy teaches you to be efficient!!”

At this point the Marine rolls his eyes and finishes up, zips up, snaps his uniform into place, turns sharply, and strides by the Soldier and Sailor towards the exit of the restroom. As he passes them he says matter-of-factly, “You see, gentlemen, the Marines teach you how not to piss on your hands.”

Now, of course, I heard this “true story” as the last individual being an Air Force NCO and his quote to the other three branches was, after the Marine had said something equally as innocuous as the first two, “And in the Air Force, they teach us not to piss on our hands.”  As I’m sure all the other branches can claim the same.

Puns and One Liners from Chris

Son: Great news, Dad! 
Dad: What’s the great news? 
Son: You don’t have to buy me any new books next year. I’m taking all of the same courses again.

John: “My grandpa is 98 years old, and he doesn’t even use glasses.” 
Jack: “Wow, that is incredible!” 
John: “Yep, he drinks straight from the bottle.

“I get plenty of exercise at work: jumping to conclusions, pushing my luck, and dodging deadlines.

My laptop is so dumb. Every time it says “Your password is incorrect”, I type in: “incorrect” and the silly thing still tells me the same thing.

Why don’t pirates take a shower before they walk the plank? They just wash up on shore.

 I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom until they are flashing behind you. 

My friends keep pressuring me to go spelunking, so I finally caved.

In high school I did well on the SAT but not to good on the MON through FRI.

I failed math so many times at school, I can’t even count.

You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving. You only need a parachute to go skydiving more than once.

What do dentists call their x-rays? Tooth pics!

I was hooked on auctions after only going once…going twice.

I doubt my inferiority complex is as good as everyone else’s.

I am wonder woman…I wonder where my keys are, wonder where I left my purse and wonder where my money went!

Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

27 Extremely Rare, Mind-Blowing Photos From The 19th Century That Show Just How Wildly Different Things Used To Be

50+ Home Hacks Our Great Grandparents Used That Are Just As Brilliant Today

A friend who lost her mate several years ago developed a friendship with a man who had also lost his spouse. 

They seemed a perfect match, and all their children agreed they should get married. This was their invitation: 

Phil, Richard, Karen and Allison and John, Matt and Steve request the honor of your presence at the marriage of their Mother and Father. 

Because they are combining two households, they already have at least two of everything. So please, no presents! 

Reception and garage sale immediately following the ceremony.

Young son: Pop, did you know Mommy thinks you’re perfect? 

Father: She does? Wow! How do you know? 

Young son: I heard her say it to Mrs. Smith. 

Father: When was that? 

Young son: Just before she used the word idiot. 

This crap pisses me off.  It’s not “women’s health”.  It’s not a “fetus”.  It’s a baby!  A living human being.  And abortion is murder, plain and simple.  On the rare occasion that the mother’s life is in danger, than a horrible decision has to be made, choosing one life over another is never easy and not one that I’d want to make.  

A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped, and every once in a while, a $20 bill fell out onto the sidewalk.

Noticing this, a Policeman stopped her, and said, “Ma’am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag.”

“Oh, really? Darn it!” said the little old lady. “I’d better go back and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me officer..”

“Well, now, not so fast,” said the cop. “Where did you get all that money? You didn’t steal it, did you?”

“Oh, no, no”, said the old lady. “You see, my backyard is right next to the football stadium parking lot. On game days, a lot of fans come and pee through a knot hole in the fence, right into my flower garden. It used to really tick me off. Kills the flowers, you know.

Then I thought, ‘why not make the best of it?’ So, now, on game days, I stand behind the fence by the knot hole, real quiet, with my hedge clippers. Every time some guy sticks his pecker through my fence, I surprise him, Grab hold of it and say, ‘O.K., buddy! Give me $20, or off it comes.’

“Well, that seems only fair,” said the cop, laughing. “OK. Good luck!

Oh, by the way, what’s in the other bag?”

“Well, you know”, said the little old lady, “not everybody pays.”

I told my new yoga teacher I was an expert. He asked me to show the class an advanced pose. That put me in a difficult position.

Which of King Arthur’s knights invented the Round Table for Camelot? Sir Cumfrence. 

It’s funny how much ‘exercise’ and ‘extra fries’ sound alike

What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little whine.

I haven’t talked to my wife in 7 years…I don’t want to interrupt her.

To the guy who invented zero…thanks for nothing.

My dog accidently at a whole bag of Scrabble tiles, so I took him the vet…no word yet.

 Little Red Riding Hood was found in critical condition. Paramedics have stabilized her condition, but she’s not out of the woods yet.

I’ve reached an age where I can’t tell if I sustained an injury or that’s just how I am now.

I crashed my new Kia. Now I have Nokia.

The mountain climber had reached the peak of his career. He wrote a book to summit all up.

It’s true that exercise helps with decision making. I went for a run this morning and decided never to do that again.

A husband sat in his room throwing darts at his wife’s photo, but not even a single one hits the target. From another room his wife asks, “What are you doing?” The husband replies, “Missing you”.

Exercising would be more rewarding if calories screamed while you burned them.

 I just found a pen at work. It must have been mine anyway because when I tried it, it was my hand writing.

What did Washington say to his men before they crossed the Delaware?

That’s it my friends.  But before I go, I want to share something that I posted on Facebook. 

Now, I don’t normally post on FB, but I had to express this somewhere and I felt led.  I’m curious to hear what you guys have to say:

This may be an unpopular post.

Now, I know most of you civilians mean well.

And certainly, the retail stores don’t help.

But please, for most of us Veterans, we don’t want to hear:

Happy Memorial Day!

Let me explain.

Many of us know someone who died in uniform.

I know there are lots of civilians who know a cop, fireman, first responder who died on the job. Memorial Day is for remembering them, too.

In my 3 years of working as a dispatcher for the State Police I lost a few. A dear friend on my last day of work after going 10-42 for the last time.

It’s hard and it’s not a happy day.

And the retail stores with the Happy Memorial Day Sales! With the balloons and flashing lights! And why is it always a mattress sale, for crying-out-loud?

So, I’m just saying. Monday is not a day to go up to your military or veteran friend and thank them for their service or wish them a happy Memorial Day. More times than not, it’s not a happy day for us.

But thanks for thinking of us.

You have no idea how many times I get “Happy Memorial Day” from people, or “Thank you for your service”.  And I’m polite.  I’ve never corrected anyone.  But Memorial Day is a tough day for me, and for many other people.  There ain’t nothin’ happy about it.  That’s all I’m saying.

So…

I hope you take a little time out to say a prayer for those whose lives were lost giving you the freedom to be able to take the time out to say a prayer.  May our Heavenly Father Bless you and Keep you until we meet again.  My love goes out to you all.