Well, today is Wednesday and I’m building this issue for … let me think here … Saturday. Yeah, Saturday.
Maybe.
I think.
Anyway, I have to mow the yard, go to the store, and try to relax. It’s only 10 am, so it’s a little early to mow, the grass is still very wet, but by the middle of the afternoon storms are supposed to roll in AND I’ve got jail tonight, so in about an hour or so, I’m going to drop this and go out and
In the meantime, I have to tell you that for some reason I am overly aggravated today. I really don’t know why. If I didn’t know any better, I’d swear I was going through PMS. Now, everybody knows that dragons, especially male dragons, really especially blue male dragons, and most definitely especially ancient blue male dragons don’t go through PMS.
Why?
Well, duh! We get all of that we need!
Why do you have such confused looks on your faces…?
OH! You thought I meant…!
Oh, no, no, no!
PMS!
In dragon speech, that’s Paucity of Meat syndrome. And you can see as how that would make a dragon … irritable, and you can understand that also that I NEVER, EVER have that problem. All I have to do is go raze another democratic village somewhere and I’m all set.
Now, one of the problems that a lot of us dragons are facing lately is DVSS. Deprivation of Virginal Sacrifice Syndrome. Not only are there no virgins to be had, the ones who claim to be virgins aren’t and the ones who are, taste funny. Mostly because they are technical virgins only and not spiritual virgins. I’m telling ya, it’s a sad state of affairs.
But, back to the original issue, not sure why I’m angry and irritable today…guess I need to go burn something down to relieve some aggression or something. In the meantime…
A creature after my own heart!
Brave kids!
That is an awesome and hilarious effect!
Man, that’s so bad!
True, but so bad!
Before we get started with this one, I want to make sure the blame goes in the right direction. You would think that it would be Joe from NJ because it seems right up his alley, but no…this one comes to us from Aussie Pete. So anyone who is thinking of retribution, it’s kind of a long flight.
A guy in high school had a huge crush on this girl in his class. He asked her to prom and she accepted, so it was time to start planning their night. He thought of all the things he had to do and made a mental checklist. First, he had to get a corsage. He went to the store and stood in line for what felt like HOURS before he was finally able to check out. Now that he had his corsage, he needed a tuxedo. He went to the local men’s clothing store and stood in line for a LOOOOOOONG time before he was finally able to get fitted. He bought his suit and headed home, where he realized he needed to rent a limo for the night as well. He called the limo company and was put on hold for an hour, because there was apparently a HUGE line of people trying to get limos for prom night. But finally.. he has his limo and everything is prepared for their perfect night. He picks her up and takes her to the dance, and it’s an amazing night. As they’re dancing, she tells him she’s thirsty and would like a drink. He looks around and notices a long line at the lemonade, a long line at the soda fountain, and a long line where the tea was. BUT… there was no punch line.
See what I mean?
Lawn is mowed, trike is prepped for the weekend maintenance, went back to the grocery store for stuff that was forgotten, tonight’s lesson is done for jail, I have another little while to play with you guys so let’s play!
Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
-Dave Barry (1947-)
I can’t believe that Dave Berry is 78 years old!
And ANYONE who didn’t think I wouldn’t AMEN that doesn’t know me at ALL!
The day I got married was really embarrassing.
When the minister said, “If anyone present doesn’t agree with this marriage; speak now or forever hold your peace,” I turned around and noticed her family had formed a double line.
And no, that’s not from me. Mary’s family only formed a single line.
When a teenage girl smiles at a boy, he tries to decide what makes him so sexy.
When a young lady smiles at a man in his fifties, he turns around to see who’s the handsome dude behind him.
But when a female of any age smiles at a man of 80, he looks down to see if he’s unzipped.
Okay old people, who is he? I remember, do you? I’ll put the answer after the next meme.
Mr. Whipple. Remember now? Okay, so I skipped 2 memes.
Oklahoma Law
Whaling is illegal.
Somehow, for Oklahoma, that makes sense.
When I take a long time, I am slow.
When my boss takes a long time, he is thorough.
When I don’t do it, I am lazy.
When my boss doesn’t do it, he’s too busy.
When I do it without being told, I’m trying to be smart.
When my boss does the same, that is initiative.
When I please my boss, that’s brown-nosing.
When my boss pleases his boss, that’s co-operating.
When I do good, my boss never remembers.
When I do wrong, he never forgets.
And that wraps up this issue my friends. I hope you all enjoyed it.
Dragon Laffs 