Well, my first day back to work was … long. 

It was also … really … long. 

It didn’t help that it was punctuated with stupid emails about “What Did You Do Last Week?”  Then don’t answer that one, then wait for further instructions.  The second email about waiting for further instructions was correct in that we have NEVER answered to OPM (the Office of Personnel Management) concerning our work. 

I understand what they are trying to accomplish, but they are going about it the WRONG way.  The waste is NOT with the civilians who work for the military.  We need to INCREASE our military readiness, not threaten it. 

Anyway…let’s move on to more fun things, because this is just ticking me off. 

So…

Okay, so how many are going to get that 0ne?

Now, I’ve promised not to say which one of our many campers sent that one in.

A teacher’s viral extra credit questions lure students into a phenomenal prank

This is a really cute, short fast read.  Well worth it.

What fantastic advice!

One day a co-worker told my friend, Stan, that she was going home early because she didn’t feel well.

Since Stan was just getting over something himself, he wished her well and said he hoped it wasn’t something he had given her.

A fellow worker piped up, “I sure hope not. She has morning sickness.”

WRONG!  You can be your own best friend, but there should NEVER, EVER be a single day when there is no one there for you.  God is always there to hear your prayer, Jesus is always there to walk beside you, and the Holy Spirit is always there for guidance and direction.  YOU ARE NEVER ALONE!  Even if you chose to be.

Two intrepid explorers met in the heart of the Brazilian jungle.

“I’m here,” declared one, “to commune with nature in the raw, to contemplate the eternal verities and to widen my horizons. And you, sir?”

“I,” sighed the second explorer, “came because my young daughter has begun violin lessons.”

Boy, I just had this conversation today myself.

Two kids were trying to figure out what game to play.

One said, “Let’s play doctor.”

“Good idea,” said the other. “You operate, and I’ll sue.”

Wow!  So True!

Well, after a minor setback, I have returned again.  This has been the gift that keeps on giving, this sickness.  I wanted this issue to be ready for Thursday, but I was just too wiped out.  So, today is Friday and I’m going to finish up what I can tonight and have what I have for you for tomorrow.  I’m working all weekend because it’s the UTA, so you wouldn’t have gotten an issue on Monday, although I will try to put something together, and then we’ll have something back on track for Thursday.

Yes, that was an old one, but a very good and funny one, so well worth sharing again.

The two ladies were sitting in the living room, waiting for their hostess, who was slightly delayed.

The daughter of the family was with them, on the theory that she would keep the visitors occupied during the wait. The child was about six years old, snub nosed, freckled, buck toothed and bespectacled. She maintained a deep silence and the two ladies peered doubtfully at her.

 Finally, one of them muttered to the other, “Not very p-r-e-t-t-y, I fear,” carefully spelling the key word.

Whereupon the child piped up, “But awful s-m-a-r-t!”

I think that is so cool!

Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.

“How was he killed?” asked one detective.

“With a golf gun,” the other detective replied.

“A golf gun?! What is a golf gun?”

“I don’t know. But it sure made a hole in Juan.”

Okay … I tried … I really did … but I admit…

I don’t get it. 

The closest I can come to is some ad about “You’ll never wear cologne again” or some such.

Yeah, yeah.  What about Bob.  It’s always Bob.

I was lonely until I glued a coffee cup on top of my car. Now everyone waves at me.

My girlfriend runs a battery kiosk at the local park. She sells C cells by the seesaw.

I joined a Carpenter’s Class the other day, but we haven’t made anything yet. We’ve only just begun.

It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.

How many opticians does it take to change a lightbulb? Is it one or two? One… or two?

I’ve found a job helping a one armed typist do capital letters – It’s shift work.

What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.

 I used to be addicted to soap, but now I’m clean.

The problem with returning after being abducted by a UFO…is afterwards you feel so alienated.

I opened a can of worms. They just sit there. Hardly the chaos that’s been advertised.

Why couldn’t the lifeguard save the hippie? The hippie was too far out, man.

I got an email from Costco and it looks like they do mortgages now. The only problem is you need to buy about 30 houses.

The guy who stole my diary just died. My thoughts are with his family.

My family asked me to stop making jokes about leftovers at our holiday family meals, but I couldn’t quit cold turkey.

I used to date this girl named Ruth. She made me happy, and when I was with her I was always a better person. Then she dumped me. Now, I’m ruthless.

In an upscale pet-supply store, a customer wanted to buy a red sweater for her dog. The clerk suggested that she bring her dog in for a proper fit.

“I can’t do that!” the lady said. “The sweater is a surprise!”

That’s it my friends.  Until next time, may God Bless you and keep you until we meet again.