Okay, first shot at the new and condensed, but more often produced Dragon Laffs.  I have no idea, nor plans to see how this works out, this is just a go with the flow kind of thing, so let’s see what happens and…

Joe from NJ sent this and I know I’ve used it before, but it is one of my all time favorites.  It is one of the funniest jokes I’ve read.  And I agree with him that it’s older than I know.  So, here goes..

This is older than I can remember:

_______________

 

To Whom It May Concern;

I am writing in response to your request for additional information in Block #3 of the accident reporting form. I put “Poor Planning” as the cause of my accident. You asked for a more complete explanation and I trust the following details will be sufficient.

I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the roof of a new six-story building. When I completed my work, I found I had some bricks left over which, when weighed later, were found to weigh 240 lbs. Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley which was attached to the side of the building at the sixth floor.

Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out, and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went down and untied the rope, holding it tightly to insure a slow descent of the 240 lbs of bricks. You will note on the accident reporting form that my weight is 135 lbs.

Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building.

In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel which was now proceeding downward at an equally impressive speed. This explains the fractured skull, minor abrasions, and the broken collarbone, as listed in Section 3, accident reporting form.

Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley which I mentioned in Paragraph 2 of this correspondence. Fortunately, by this time I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly to the rope, in spite of the excruciating pain I was now beginning to experience.

At approximately the same time however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground and the bottom fell out of the barrel. Now devoid of the weight of the bricks, the barrel weighed approximately 50 lbs.

I refer you again to my weight. As you might imagine, I began a rapid descent down the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles, broken tooth and severe lacerations of my legs and lower body.

Here my luck began to change slightly. The encounter with the barrel seemed to slow me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into the pile of bricks and fortunately only three vertebrae were cracked.

I am sorry to report, however, as I lay there on the pile of bricks, in pain, unable to move and watching the empty barrel six stories above me, I again lost my composure and presence of mind and let go of the rope.

46 Drunk People Passed-Out in Public

That one is very funny!

More like a 21 day free trial, but … there you go!

This is unconscionable!  

UnitedHealthcare sparks outrage after allegedly denying claim from patient in coma

Who were the 5 House Republicans who didn’t vote!?!?

I’m currently listening to President Trump’s inauguration speech.  I hope he gets to do EVERYTHING he says he’s going to do.  Close the border, send back the illegals who are criminals, official policy being only two genders, stop the stupidity in the military (that’s a big one for me), and drill baby drill!

Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.

-Thomas Edison (1847-1931)

I just love this next picture:

I would have done the same thing!!!!

So sad…I wonder how many of them knew Christ when they died.

TWELVE STEP INTERNET RECOVERY PROGRAM

1) I will have a cup of coffee in the morning and read my newspaper like I used to, before the Internet.

2) I will eat breakfast with a knife and fork and not with one hand typing.

3) I will get dressed before noon.

4) I will make an attempt to clean the house, wash clothes, and plan dinner before even thinking of the Internet.

5) I will sit down and write a letter to those unfortunate few friends and family that are Internet-deprived.

6) I will call someone on the phone who I cannot contact via the Internet.

7) I will read a book…if I still remember how.

8) I will listen to those around me and their needs and stop telling them to turn the TV down so I can hear the music on the Internet.

9) I will not be tempted during TV commercials to check for email.

10) I will try and get out of the house at least once a week, if it is necessary or not.

11) I will remember that my bank is not forgiving if I forget to balance my bank account because I was too busy on the Internet.

12) Last, but not least, I will remember that I must go to bed sometime… and the Internet will always be there tomorrow!

There is so much truth in that meme.  When you hurt from the moment you wake up, to the moment you go to bed and then even throughout your sleep, so that even your sleep is not restful, and people wonder, why is it that Impish is such an angry dragon…therein lies your answer!!!!

One day many years ago, a fisherman’s wife blessed her husband with twin sons.

They loved the children very much, but couldn’t think of what to name their children.

Finally, after several days, the fisherman said, “Let’s not decide on names right now.  If we wait a little while, the names will simply occur to us.

After several weeks had passed, the fisherman and his wife noticed a peculiar fact. When left alone, one of the boys would always turn towards the sea, while the other boy would face inland. It didn’t matter which way the parents positioned the children, the same child always faced the same direction. Let’s call the boys Towards and Away, suggested the fisherman.

His wife agreed, and from that point on, the boys were simply known as TOWARDS and AWAY.

The years passed and the lads grew tall and strong.  The day came when the aging fisherman said to his sons, “Boys, it’s time that you learned how to make a living from the sea.”

They provisioned their ship, said their goodbyes, and set sail for a three-month voyage.

The three months passed quickly for the fisherman’s wife, yet the ship had not returned.

Another three months passed, and still no ship.

Three whole years passed before the grieving woman saw a lone man walking towards her house.  She recognized him as her husband.

My goodness! What has happened to my darling boys?” she cried.

The ragged fisherman began to tell his story:

“We were just barely one whole day out to sea when Towards hooked into a great fish. Towards fought long and hard, but the fish was more than his equal. For a whole week they wrestled upon the waves without either of them letting up. Yet eventually the great fish started to win the battle, and Towards was pulled over the side of our ship. He was swallowed whole, and we never saw either of them again.”

“Oh dear, that must have been terrible! What a huge fish that must of been! What a horrible fish.  What a horrible, horrible fish!”

“Yes, it was, but you should have seen the one that got Away!”

Impish Dragon can do it in 3 words before Aussie Pete can do it.  Here’s his 3 words:

Meanwhile, in Australia!

This one brings a tear to my eye because it was just over the weekend that I was so overly reminded of things that I could no longer do.  I won’t go into details, but TRUST me.  It is NOT fun for us.  And it is a HUNDRED times more frustrating for us than it is for you who have to put up with us, wait for us, or are behind us as we try to do what it is that you find so easy and we USED to find just as easy.

My deputy, who is also a farmer, and an elder at our church deserves your thanks and your prayers.

Have you seen a recent commercial for Viagra?

The guy comes home, he’s rushing around, he’s cleaning the house, he’s cooking dinner, he’s setting the table, he’s putting flowers and candles out before his wife gets home.

Don’t you think that most women watching that commercial say, “The heck with the sex. Where can I get a pill to make my husband to do all of that?”

This is beautiful.  If Mary was still alive, I would definitely get this for us!!!

Oh, this is so true of me!

Scientists reveal all the evidence Adam and Eve really DID exist

Okay, so that’s it.  That’s probably more than I can do on the average day, since I have the day off today, but what do you guys think?  Truly, give me your feedback.  What if it was about half that much?  I think I could do about half that much every day…maybe every other day.  What would you guys feel about that?  Seriously, let me know.  

I love you guys.  Be blessed.