I      have      had      one      of      those      days!

I don’t know when it was decided that I have the answer to EVERYONE’S question at work, but I was getting emails and phone calls for and about stuff that is so far removed from my line of expertise that at one point I actually laughed out loud at someone.  They wanted me to grant them access to a program that I have absolutely NOTHING to do with and should be really obvious that I have nothing to do with.

And then I’ve been a moron all day to go along with it.

Let me ‘splain.

Izzy asks me to pick something up for her on the way home from work. 

Sure, no problem.

While I’m standing in line, after congratulating myself on picking up what she asked for and a couple of other things we needed, I noticed that the guy in front of me was wearing shorts.  My thought process goes something like this:

• He’s wearing shorts.
• Well, it is much warmer now than it was this morning when you went to work.
• I wonder if he glances at you and sees that you are in long pants and what amounts to a sweatshirt if he’s going to think you’re weird because it’s so warm outside?
• I’ll bet he’d really laugh if he found out that I had the space heater on in my office today because it was so cold in there.
• GASP!  I LEFT THE SPACE HEATER IN MY OFFICE ON!
• There’s no one there!!
• The building could burn down!!!
• I have to drive all the way back to base and shut off the space heater!!!!
• (Oh, it’s brand new, it’s perfectly safe, it will be fine till morning)
• NO! NO, No, no,no,no,no,no,no…..
• I can’t take that chance….because what if it does….what if a million to one chance happens and….

So, I take the groceries home real fast and throw them at Izzy because there are ice cream sandwiches in there that I don’t want melted and race back out to base and open up my building and open up the outer office and open up my office and go behind my desk only to find out that the space heater is off!!!!!!!!!!!

I must have shut it off before I left and just not realized it.

So, now I’ve lost an hour.

I get home and decide that I should wash my clothes tonight since Im working all weekend, I won’t have time otherwise.

Long story short, I find a pen and my ID card (with an electronic chip in it) in the dryer having been washed and dried.  I praise God for not letting the pen explode even though it has come completely apart and I pray to God that the card still works in my computer when I get to work tomorrow.

It’s like everything I touch today goes just a little bit wonky. 

So, let’s see if this can go right…. ahem….  

Gonna start off with something a little off kilter today.  The look on her face is just CRUSHINGLY heart rending.  And James Woods, whom I respect a great deal, is absolutely correct is his assessment of the situation.  These poor people are suffering so much more than they need to be FEMA has no money to spend because they spent it all on illegals.  Here, it goes right along with this headline:

So nice to see that their priorities are on the things that matter in this country…you know…like its citizens.

So, we’ll change things up with a beautiful bit of photographic playfulness and move on to the laughter

Already getting some cute Halloween stuff.

I would truly LOVE to live at the corner house on this cross street!!

The answer is 45, if you didn’t already figure it out.

I laughed SO hard!

Yeah, I know it’s old…but it’s so good!

That is so cool that they did that for him!

They tell me that’s part of the new test to get your motorcycle endorsement.  I’m done for!

The Dad’s only get one day of honor
per year. Father’s Day.

Mom’s get TWO days.
Mother’s day and Labor Day!

I read that to Izzy and she spent the next ten minutes telling me stories similar and just as bad as that one from Dollar General.  Unbelievable!  

I have no idea what that is or what it means, but it is a cool picture.

There was a huge nut tree by the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts. “One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me,” said one boy. 

The bucket was so full, several rolled out towards the fence. 

Cycling down the road by the cemetery was a third boy. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, “One for you, one for me. One for you.” He knew what it was. “Oh, my goodness!” he shuddered, “It’s Satan and St. Peter dividing the souls at the cemetery!” 

He cycled down the road and found an old man with a cane, hobbling along. “Come quick!” he said, “You won’t believe what I heard. Satan and St. Peter are down at the cemetery dividing the souls.”

The old man said, “Shoo, you brat! Can’t you see I’m finding it hard to walk as it is!” 

After several pleas, the man hobbled to the cemetery and heard, “One for you, one for me. One for you, one…” 

The old man whispered, “Boy, you’ve been tellin’ the truth! Let’s see if we can see the Devil himself.” 

Shivering with fear, they edged toward the fence, still unable to see anything, but they heard, “One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me. And one last one for you. That’s all. Let’s go get those nuts by the fence, and we’ll be done.” 

They say the old guy made it to town 10 minutes before the boy!

And the other moral of the story is, how hard was it really to MAKE that person’s day?

A little girl says, “Grandpa, can I sit on your lap?”

“Why sure you can,” her grandfather replied. 

As she is sitting on grand dad’s lap she says, “Grandpa, can you make a frogie sounds?

“A sounds like a frog? Well, sure Grandpa can make sounds like a frog.” 

The girl says, “Grandpa, will you please please MAKE a sound like a frog?” 

Perplexed, her grand dad says, “Sweet heart, why do you want me to make sounds like a frog?” 

And the little girl says, “‘Cause Grandma said that when you croak, we’re going to Disney World”!

A man joins a big corporate empire as a trainee.

On his very first day of work, he dials the pantry and shouts into the phone – “Get me a coffee, quickly!”

The voice from the other side responded, “You fool you’ve dialed the wrong extension! Do you know who you’re talking to, dumbo?”

“No,” replied the trainee.

“It’s the CEO of the company, you fool!”

The trainee shouts back, “And do YOU know who YOU are alking to, you fool?!”

“No.” replied the CEO indignantly.

“Good!” replied the trainee, and puts down the phone.

The teacher is in front of this grade 2 class. She is explaining what they are going to do.

“O.K. kids, this morning for English lesson we are going to make up sentences with the word lovely in it. Is there anybody who wants to have a go at making a sentence with lovely in it…”

Two kids put their hands up, young Sally and Little Johnny, (Little Johnny also happens to be the class clown and is well known as an inciter of anarchy.) so the teacher looks at young Sally and says, “Sally, do you have a sentence for the class?”

“Yes miss.” says young Sally eagerly.

“O.K. then, tell the class your sentence.”

“Mommy, Daddy and I went to the park yesterday and it was lovely.”

“That’s very good Sally, is there anybody else who wants to have a try?”

Little Johnny’s hand shoots up and he is saying, “Pick me miss, pick me, me, me!!”

The teacher thinks to herself, I suppose there is not too much Johnny can do with the word lovely. So she decides to let Little Johnny to have a try. “O.K. Johnny you can tell the class your sentence.”

So Little Johnny stands up and tells the class his sentence. “The other night my sister comes homes and says to my dad, ‘Daaad, I’m pregnant…’ so dad gets up and says, ‘That’s lovely….That’s just FRICKIN’ lovely!!!”

So, it’s Sunday and I got off work a little early.  Everything worked fine, by the way.  This would normally be the time that I would start working on Thursday’s episode since I’m very busy on Tuesday and Wednesday, so I’m going to finish up today’s episode, get my homework done and start on the next one.  My time is so tightly wound together…sigh. 

Anyway, I arranged my folder from oldest to newest so I’m going to start presenting these in the order that I get them…see how that works out.

It’s amazing how appropriate these still are!!!

John went into a bookshop and asked the salesgirl if she had a book called: “How to Master Your Wife”. 

Salesgirl said: “Our science fiction section is upstairs.”

No!  Sigh.  Just like I try to tell Izzy, just because you call yourself a Christian, doesn’t make you one.  Just like standing in a garage doesn’t make you a car.

And that is it my dear friends.