First deployed in August of 1956, these are still the best tankers in the Air Force.  For more reasons than I can talk about here.  That makes them 68 years old this year.  So, my question is, why are we not just taking the dies, and making brand new KC-135s?  You know, if you go down to Mexico, you can get brand new 1967 Ford Mustangs.  Because the Ford motor company sold the dies to Mexico.  

Okay, so I’m not sure the year and the make is exactly right, but the idea is.  You get the idea.

Why can’t we do the same thing with these jets?  They are so good in so MANY ways, the only problem they are really having is they are old.  They still work better and are better designed than the newer ones.  I don’t get it.

Anyway, it was on my mind this morning and thought I’d try to spell it out.

How is everyone doing?  

Today is Saturday and it has been an interesting week.  The things this dragon has been through this week…. WOW!  

I actually went to the …

Wait! 

You guys better sit down first for this one. 

I don’t want anyone to get hurt. 

Put your coffee down, I don’t want to be responsible for any ruined computer screens or anything else. 

Okay, everyone ready? 

I actually had to go to the local Social Security office yesterday morning to conduct some business for my brother’s estate and I was in and out of there in less than ten minutes.

I KNOW, RIGHT! 

I was amazed.  The guy who helped me was polite, cracked a joke, was really helpful.  I kept waiting for Rod Serling to step out from off stage, 

Because it would end up being just like that, right?  

Anyway, more to follow, but let’s get this party started first…

One of the most irritating things for me right now is the whole eclipse thing that is happening on Monday.  You have the “religious” community that is making stuff up about how the last three eclipses are all now lining up for some final sign from God and forming some Jewish or Greek or Hebrew or Martian word across the face of the Earth.  (It doesn’t) Plus it’s passing over 17 cities named Joshua or Salem or Stanley or something (It doesn’t do that either) and due to scripture (that they get wrong) it proves other stuff in scripture (that also doesn’t exist).  And I’m sure after the 4.8 magnitude quake centered in my old stomping ground of central New Jersey, that’s just going to add to the whole thing.

Then we’ve got my other community, the Emergency Management guys, who are claiming that we all need to declare a state of emergency, declare martial law, and be prepared for the zombie apocalypse all for an event that, from absolute possible start to finish will last all of 2 hours and 31 minutes.

And then we have the Governors of states actually declaring actual state of emergency over this thing!!  

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!  

Now THIS explanation, is actually the TRUE explanation and people need to know!

See!  Nothing to worry about.

Ending his sermon, a preacher announced that he would preach on Noah and the Ark on the following Sunday, and gave the scriptural reference for the congregation to read ahead of time. 

A couple of boys noticed something interesting about the placement of the story in the Bible. They slipped into the church and glued two pages of the pulpit Bible together. 

The next Sunday, the preacher got up to read his text. “Noah took unto himself a wife,” he began, “and she was” – he turned the page to continue – “three hundred cubits long, fifty wide and thirty high.” 

He paused, scratched his head, turned the page back, read it silently, and turned the page again. 

Then he looked up at his congregation and said, “I’ve been reading this old Bible for near fifty years, but there are some things in it that still amaze me.” 

We win more often than you’d think.

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. 

After explaining the commandment to “honor” thy Father and thy Mother,” she asked, “Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?” 

Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered,

“Thou shall not kill.” 

Pop Smith wrote to me and told me not to be so verbose in my speech.  Then he sent me this.

A man and his wife were having an argument in bed. He finally jumped up and took a blanket to the couch. 

The next day the wife feeling bad about what happened decided to buy her husband a gift, and since he was an avid golfer she went to the pro shop where he usually played golf. 

She talked with the pro and he suggested a putter and he showed her one of his finest. 

“How much is it?” she asked. 

“One hundred and fifty dollars,” he replied. 

She felt that was kind of expensive and told him so. “But it comes with an inscription,” he said. 

“What kind of inscription?” she asked. 

“Whatever you wish,” he explained, “but one of the old golfers favorites is, NEVER UP, NEVER IN.'” 

“OH, that will never do!” exclaimed the wife. “That’s what started the argument in the first place!” 

Daddy – Expert level

What do you call a bricklayer that mixes cement with a pitch fork?
.
.
.
A mortar forker

The Wicked Witch of The West’s little sister – Wanda

Sara Lee today announced a 40% jump in earnings last quarter and they say it came primarily from their clothing division.

Sara Lee owns Playtex underwear.

What a brilliant business plan this company has.

First, they sell you cheesecake and pie, and then when you split your underpants, they sell you more stuff. – Jay Leno

“Every act of conscious learning requires the willingness to suffer an injury to one’s self-esteem. That is why young children, before they are aware of their own self-importance, learn so easily.”

–Thomas Szasz (1920- 2012)

I can’t help but think that this is not going to end well for these guys.

My aunt learned how to live with her husband’s sleepwalking.

She gave him a vacuum.

Top Ten Signs Your Girlfriend is Going to Dump You…

10. Your visa card and your belt both hit their limit.

9. She’s been wearing an engagement ring for three weeks, but you don’t recall proposing to her. 

8. She just started a college course that meets seven nights a week. 

7. She says she has to tell you something… on Jerry Springer.

6. Her love letters come soaked in formaldehyde rather than perfume. 

5. Whenever she introduces you it’s always “I would like you to meet an old friend of mine…” 

4. She leaves a message on your phone and identifies her- self by both her first and last names. 

3. Your other girlfriend told you so.

2. The dartboard behind your photo on her wall.

1. Her girlfriends look at you, tilt their heads, and say, “You haven’t got a clue, do you?”

When the store manager returned from lunch, he was surprised to see that his clerk’s hand was bandaged. 

Before having the chance to ask him what had happened, the clerk had some very good news for him. 

“Guess what, sir?” the clerk said. “I finally sold that horribly ugly suit we’ve had for so long.” 

“Are you referring to that repulsive orange and brown, double-breasted thing?” asked the manager. 

“That’s the one, sir,” replied the clerk.

“That’s great!” exclaimed the manager. “I was afraid we’d never get rid of that horrid monstrosity! That had to have been the ugliest suit we’ve ever had! But, tell me, why is your hand bandaged?” 

“Oh, that,” the clerk replied. “Well, after I sold the guy the suit, his darn guide dog bit me!” 

Anybody have any doubt how that would work out?  About as well as the U.N. sending troops to New York and New Jersey to help with Earthquake clean up.

This is so true!  We’re paying almost $4 a gallon again!

Oh how the times have changed

Very funny…when humor was actually funny.

Every night, my wife calls me to dinner exactly the same way:
“Dinner’s on the table — come and guess it!”

Nope.  I wouldn’t think that went over well at all.

Prosecutor: Did you kill the victim?

Defendant: No, I did not.

Prosecutor: Do you know what the penalties are for perjury?

Defendant: Yes, I do. And they’re a lot better than the penalty for murder.

Oh so very true!!!

A busy nurse was pre-interviewing a new patient who was airing his woes about his sex life with his new girlfriend to her.

“After the first, I’m tired. After the second, my chest aches and I start getting pains in my legs. After the third, I feel like fainting and it takes half-an-hour for my heart and respiration to return to normal.”

” Well hell, why don’t you just quit after the first?” inquired our now interested and concerned nurse.

“How can I do that?” said the patient. ” She lives on the third floor.”

Oh, how many times have I done THAT!!!

For months he had been her devoted admirer. Now, at long last, he had collected up sufficient courage to ask her the most momentous of all questions:

“There are quite a lot of advantages to being a bachelor,” he began, “but there comes a time when one longs for the companionship of another being — a being who will regard one as perfect, as an idol; whom one can treat as one’s absolute own; who will be kind and faithful when times are hard; who will share one’s joys and sorrows.”

To his delight he saw a sympathetic gleam in her eyes. Then she nodded in agreement. Finally, she responded, “I think its a great idea! Can I help you choose which puppy to buy?”

So very, very true.  I have actually raced home in order to get to a book that I knew was waiting for me.

That is it for today my friends.  Until next time, may God Bless you all with Love and Happiness, Comfort and Strength until we can meet again.