Here it is, New Year’s.  The start of a new year.  A chance for a new beginning.  In all honesty, every morning we are given a fresh start, a new beginning.  We don’t have to wait for January 1st to start anything.  God tells us as much.  Read Lamentations 3:22-24 The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.  “The LORD is my portion,” says my soul, “therefore I will hope in him.”

I will hope in the Lord every morning, because his mercies are new every morning, so we can get a fresh start with the Lord every morning.  That beats the heck out of a New Year’s resolution, doesn’t it!

But, we are still going to celebrate the New Year today.  I don’t have a heck of a lot of New Year cartoons, but I do have some.  One of the resolutions I have had for the past couple of years is to read my Bible all the way through in a year and I have a new plan for that again this coming year.  We do this together as a church and this year’s plan is a little different.  It’s called Navigators Bible Reading Plan and, if you’re interested you can download a copy of the plan here: http://navlink.org/bible-reading-plan

It looks to be a bit different than previous plans.  If you download the pdf, it explains the whole thing on the front page.

Anyway, let’s move on to the other stuff, shall we?

This is an amazing essay sent in to us by Lynn.  It’s called “Giving” and it’s written by Katharine Hepburn.  Some of you younger folks may not know who that is.

Katharine Hepburn’s childhood, in her own words.

“Once when I was a teenager, my father and I were standing in line to buy tickets for the circus.

Finally, there was only one other family between us and the ticket counter. This family made a big impression on me.

There were eight children, all probably under the age of 12. The way they were dressed, you could tell they didn’t have a lot of money, but their clothes were neat and clean.

The children were well-behaved, all of them standing in line, two-by-two behind their parents, holding hands. They were excitedly jabbering about the clowns, animals, and all the acts they would be seeing that night. By their excitement you could sense they had never been to the circus before. It would be a highlight of their lives.

The father and mother were at the head of the pack standing proud as could be. The mother was holding her husband’s hand, looking up at him as if to say, “You’re my knight in shining armour.” He was smiling and enjoying seeing his family happy.

The ticket lady asked the man how many tickets he wanted. He proudly responded, “I’d like to buy eight children’s tickets and two adult tickets, so I can take my family to the circus.” The ticket lady stated the price.

The man’s wife let go of his hand, her head dropped, the man’s lip began to quiver. Then he leaned a little closer and asked, “How much did you say?” The ticket lady again stated the price.

The man didn’t have enough money. How was he supposed to turn and tell his eight kids that he didn’t have enough money to take them to the circus?

Seeing what was going on, my dad reached into his pocket, pulled out a $20 bill, and then dropped it on the ground. (We were not wealthy in any sense of the word!) My father bent down, picked up the $20 bill, tapped the man on the shoulder and said, “Excuse me, sir, this fell out of your pocket.”

The man understood what was going on. He wasn’t begging for a handout but certainly appreciated the help in a desperate, heartbreaking and embarrassing situation.

He looked straight into my dad’s eyes, took my dad’s hand in both of his, squeezed tightly onto the $20 bill, and with his lip quivering and a tear streaming down his cheek, he replied; “Thank you, thank you, sir. This really means a lot to me and my family.”

My father and I went back to our car and drove home. The $20 that my dad gave away is what we were going to buy our own tickets with.

Although we didn’t get to see the circus that night, we both felt a joy inside us that was far greater than seeing the circus could ever provide.

That day I learnt the value of giving.

The Giver is bigger than the Receiver. If you want to be large, larger than life, learn to Give. Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get – only with what you are expecting to give – which is everything.

The importance of giving, blessing others can never be over emphasized because there’s always joy in giving. Learn to make someone happy by acts of giving.”

~ Katharine Hepburn

What a great story.  And no, I didn’t fact check it, because it doesn’t matter.  Regardless of the truth of it, it is still a true story in that it teaches a wonderful lesson and it’s beautifully told.

Four old timers were playing their weekly game of golf, and one remarked how for Christmas this year he’d love to wake up on Christmas morning, roll out of bed and without an argument go directly to the golf course, meet his buddies and play a round. 

His buddies all chimed in and said, “Let’s do it! 

We’ll make it a priority, figure out a way and meet here early, Christmas morning.” 

Months later, that special morning arrives, and there they are on the golf course. 

The first guy says, “Boy this game cost me a fortune! I bought my wife such a diamond ring that she can’t take her eyes off it.”

Number 2 guy says, “I spent a ton too. My wife is At home planning the cruise I gave her. She was up to her eyeballs in brochures.”

Number 3 guy says “Well my wife is at home. Admiring her new car, reading the manual.” 

They all turned to the last guy in the group and He is staring at them like they have lost their minds. 

“I can’t believe you all went to such expense for this golf game. I slapped my wife on the butt and said, ‘Well babe, is it sex or golf?’ and she said, “Take a sweater!”

“I went to a Christmas party the other night and was having a real blast. After I’d been there a few hours (and several, several drinks), I noticed this fabulous blonde standing over to the side. She was in her early to mid twenties with beautiful long blonde hair down to her waist. 

She was built like a brick, well, anyway she was built!  The amazing thing was, she kept staring at me and smiling. 

Naturally, being a man, I decided to go try my luck. Like they say, nothing ventured, nothing gained.  

I went over and stuck up a conversation with her (don’t remember about what, but it had to be very interesting). 

Well, one thing led to another and she invited me back to her place and being the gentleman I am, I said “OK.” 

I’m not going to go into all the details of the night (mainly because I don’t remember), but I awoke the next morning to the aroma of fresh coffee and bacon frying. I thought now this is great! I think I might have a keeper here. I got up and got dressed and headed for the kitchen.

When I got there her mom (looked to be in her 80’s or 90’s) was standing at the stove. 

Embarrassed, I stammered, “Where’s your daughter?” 

She slowly turned around with a sly little smile on her face and said, “I don’t have a daughter.

You know it will work and you know they won’t do it.

This is how we do snow removal 

This may be true, I just wish as I’ve gotten older, it would make up it’s mind.

Not in jail, not in a mental hospital, not in a grave – I’d say I’m having a very good day.

Grandma once said, “Sometimes you have to hug people you don’t like so you know how big to dig the hole in your backyard.”

There is a serious problem in the matrix!

This generation will never understand what that Sears Roebuck Christmas Catalog meant to us 40 years ago.

Keeping watch over the Valley of the Shadow of Death

Yeah, it was from last year…but you can figure the same thing applies, if not more so for 2024

It sure couldn’t hurt!

Trust me when I tell you that THIS is the only thing that allows me to sleep at night.  NOTHING in my life that I have been talking to you guys about lately has been worked out.  ALL of it is still balancing in the air and it seems like daily, more is being added.  I would have told you if I had gotten any of it worked out or managed.  Although I will say that my new dentures do feel about 10% better.  I go see the dentist again on Tuesday (I think).  Someone I talked to lately said that when he had it down it took him about 2 months before he felt a decent amount of relief.  And now there is even more being added to my plate.  Without me being able to confidently say, “God, I know you have got this and I’m giving ALL of this over to You.” I have no idea how I would be coping right now.

This one is from Aussie Pete

The Mourning Visitor

 A big, burly man knocked on the door of the pastor’s house one day and asked to see the minister’s wife, a woman known for her charity work and her love for the poor and helpless. 

The woman opened the door and saw the man had tears streaming down his face. “Oh, whatever is the matter?” she cried out.

“I come to you today, dear woman, for the purposes of doing charity and good work,” said the man in a hopeless voice.

“Come in, come in!” The woman admitted him inside and they sat in her living room.

“Madam,” said the man in a broken voice, “I wish to draw your attention to the terrible plight of a poor family in this district.  The father is dead, the mother is too ill to work, and the nine children are starving.  They are about to be turned into the cold, empty streets unless someone pays their rent, which amounts to $400.”                 

“How terrible!” exclaimed the preacher’s wife.  “May I ask who you are?”

The sympathetic visitor applied his handkerchief to his eyes.  “I’m the landlord,” he sobbed.

To say that I am concerned…nay, frightened, is probably an understatement.

And here is yet another great story from Lynn

Such an incredible, mostly unknown story.

In 1933, a beautiful, young Austrian woman took off her clothes for a movie director. She ran through the woods, naked. She swam in a lake, naked. Pushing well beyond the social norms of the period. The most popular movie in 1933 was King Kong. But everyone in Hollywood was talking about that scandalous movie with the gorgeous, young Austrian woman.

Louis B. Mayer, of the giant studio MGM, said she was the most beautiful woman in the world. The film was banned practically everywhere, which of course made it even more popular and valuable. Mussolini reportedly refused to sell his copy at any price.

The star of the film, called “Ecstasy,” was Hedwig Kiesler. She said the secret of her beauty was “to stand there and look stupid.” In reality, Kiesler was anything but stupid. She was a genius. She’d grown up as the only child of a prominent Jewish banker. She was a math prodigy. She excelled at science. As she grew older, she became ruthless, using all the power her body and mind gave her.

Between the sexual roles she played, her tremendous beauty, and the power of her intellect, Kiesler would confound the men in her life including her six husbands, two of the most ruthless dictators of the 20th century, and one of the greatest movie producers in history. Her beauty made her rich for a time. She is said to have made – and spent – $30 million in her life.

But her greatest accomplishment resulted from her intellect, and her invention continues to shape the world we live in today.

You see, this young Austrian starlet would take one of the most valuable technologies ever developed right from under Hitler’s nose. After fleeing to America, she not only became a major Hollywood star, her name sits on one of the most important patents ever granted by the U.S. Patent Office. Today, when you use your cell phone or, over the next few years, as you experience super-fast wireless Internet access (via something called “long-term evolution” or “LTE” technology), you’ll be using an extension of the technology a 20-year-old actress first conceived while sitting at dinner with Hitler.

At the time she made Ecstasy, Kiesler was married to one of the richest men in Austria. Friedrich Mandl was Austria’s leading arms maker. His firm would become a key supplier to the Nazis. Mandl used his beautiful young wife as a showpiece at important business dinners with representatives of the Austrian, Italian, and German fascist forces. One of Mandl’s favorite topics at these gatherings – which included meals with Hitler and Mussolini – was the technology surrounding radio-controlled missiles and torpedoes.

Wireless weapons offered far greater ranges than the wire-controlled alternatives that prevailed at the time. Kiesler sat through these dinners “looking stupid,” while absorbing everything she heard. As a Jew, Kiesler hated the Nazis. She abhorred her husband’s business ambitions. Mandl responded to his willful wife by imprisoning her in his castle, Schloss Schwarzenau. In 1937, she managed to escape. She drugged her maid, snuck out of the castle wearing the maid’s clothes and sold her jewelry to finance a trip to London.

(She got out just in time. In 1938, Germany annexed Austria. The Nazis seized Mandl’s factory. He was half Jewish. Mandl fled to Brazil. (Later, he became an adviser to Argentina’s iconic populist president, Juan Peron.)

In London, Kiesler arranged a meeting with Louis B. Mayer. She signed a long-term contract with him, becoming one of MGM’s biggest stars. She appeared in more than 20 films. She was a co-star to Clark Gable, Judy Garland, and even Bob Hope. Each of her first seven MGM movies was a blockbuster. 

But Kiesler cared far more about fighting the Nazis than about making movies.

At the height of her fame, in 1942, she developed a new kind of communications system, optimized for sending coded messages that couldn’t be “jammed.” She was building a system that would allow torpedoes and guided bombs to always reach their targets. She was building a system to kill Nazis.

By the 1940s, both the Nazis and the Allied forces were using the kind of single frequency radio-controlled technology Kiesler’s ex-husband had been peddling. The drawback of this technology was that the enemy could find the appropriate frequency and “jam” or intercept the signal, thereby interfering with the missile’s intended path.

Kiesler’s key innovation was to “change the channel.” It was a way of encoding a message across a broad area of the wireless spectrum. If one part of the spectrum was jammed, the message would still get through on one of the other frequencies being used. The problem was, she could not figure out how to synchronize the frequency changes on both the receiver and the transmitter. To solve the problem, she turned to perhaps the world’s first techno-musician, George Anthiel.

Anthiel was an acquaintance of Kiesler who achieved some notoriety for creating intricate musical compositions. He synchronized his melodies across twelve player pianos, producing stereophonic sounds no one had ever heard before. Kiesler incorporated Anthiel’s technology for synchronizing his player pianos. Then, she was able to synchronize the frequency changes between a weapon’s receiver and its transmitter. On August 11, 1942, U.S. Patent No. 2,292,387 was granted to Antheil and “Hedy Kiesler Markey,” which was Kiesler’s married name at the time.

Most of you won’t recognize the name Kiesler. And no one would remember the name Hedy Markey. But it’s a fair bet that anyone reading this post of a certain age, will remember one of the great beauties of Hollywood’s golden age – Hedy Lamarr. That’s the name Louis B. Mayer gave to his prize actress. That’s the name his movie company made famous. Almost no one knows Hedwig Kiesler – a/k/a Hedy Lamarr – was one of the great pioneers of wireless communications. Her technology was developed by the U.S. Navy, which has used it ever since.

You are probably using Lamarr’s technology, too. Her patent sits at the foundation of “spread spectrum technology,” which you use every day when you log on to a wi-fi network or make calls with your Bluetooth-enabled phone. It lies at the heart of the massive investments being made right now in so-called fourth-generation “LTE” wireless technology. This next generation of cell phones and cell towers will provide tremendous increases to wireless network speed and quality, by spreading wireless signals across the entire available spectrum. This kind of encoding is only possible using the kind of frequency switching that Hedwig Kiesler invented.

Again, you can just over print the 2023 on top of the 2020.

Okay, so I tried to find the video on YouTube but couldn’t so I’m going to transcribe what they said here if I can work it out.  Let’s try:

Check this out with the 165 billion we gave to Ukraine. 

We could have built 6 border walls to stop illegal aliens from pouring across our southern border.
We could have fixed Flint’s water system 215 times over.
Could have given every homeless Vet $2 million.
Could have given $50 million to every family impacted by the Maui Wildfires. (and they got $700 each)
According to HUD, they think it would take $20 million to end homelessness in America today. So we could have ended homelessness 8 times over.

We have got to get our priorities in order!  It’s outrageous! 

So think about that campers.  When we KNOW that most of that money is going to line the pockets of our and their dirty politicians, that is just a VERY FEW of the wonderful things that COULD have been done with the money that is ALREADY GONE.  How about one more really good example.  So there is a retention problem in the military, do you think a decent pay raise would bring a few more of them in?  I KNOW that the ones that DO serve, don’t do it for the money, but it sure would be nice to pay the men and women who serve our country, the ones who are willing to lay down their lives for US, it sure would be a good thing to pay them what they are worth.

Watch this next one closely.  They didn’t realize they had gotten a Ninja Kitty.

The first mate on a ship decided to celebrate an occasion with a “little” stowed away rum.

Unfortunately he got drunk and was still drunk the next morning.

The captain saw him drunk and when the first mate was sober, showed him the following entry in the ship’s log: “The first mate was drunk today.”

“Captain please don’t let that stay in the log”, the mate said. “This could add months or years to my becoming a captain myself.”

“Is it true?” asked the captain, already knowing the answer.

“Yes, its true” the mate said. “Then if it is true it has to go in the log. That’s the rule. If its true it goes into the log, end of discussion” said the captain sternly.

Weeks later, it was the first mate’s turn to make the log entries.

The first mate wrote: “The ship seems in good shape. The captain was sober today.”

I was teaching my 6-year-old granddaughter how to unbuckle her seat belt.

She asked, “Do I click the square?”

I said, “Yes.”

She asked me, “Single click or double click?”

A lady on a commuter train was reading a newspaper article about life and death statistics.

Fascinated, she turned to the man next to her and asked, “Did you know that every time I breathe somebody dies?”

“Really,” he said, “have you tried mouthwash?”

A poor couple sat down in their living room and the man said, ”I’m going down to the bar for a bit, so put your coat on.”

The woman replied, ”Oh, sweetie, why? Are you taking me with you?”

The man replied, ”No, I’m turning the heat off.”

I had heard that Alice Cooper had found God, but it is still surprising after listening to his music when I was younger.

Below are a few resignation letters written by staff to their managers good read!!

 

An offer of 1 million pounds plus free sex with a page three girl could not convince me to stay with your company.

A position of junior goat herder in Mongolia would be a more positive career step, than staying here.

What a shame.

Our group has worked well but, as yet, has been criminally overlooked.

Finally: If you pay peanuts, you get monkeys.

—

Dear Unpersonable Bitch

As per the piece of crap I signed on my first day of this dreaded job, hereby give 2 minutes notice of my intention to leave this awful company I want to thank you for all you have not done for me in my employment here. It has been sheer torture working for you and representing this crappy company.

It is now time for me to move on and I have accepted a position as a garbage person. This decision was quite easy and took little consideration.

However, I am confident that this new role represents a step up from this piece of crap job. I wish the company would go to pieces and hope one day you too will realize that you couldn’t manage your way out of a paper bag.

Glad to be gone,

—

Dear Editor,

I would like to confirm my status as the latest rodent to vacate your increasingly leaky vessel.

Yours,

————————————————————————

Dear John:

Please take note of the fact that I am hereby tendering my resignation from, effective, September 1, 2000. While I have a high degree of personal respect for you and the opportunities you have offered me, I am no longer comfortable working for a technology organization largely populated by politocrats, vengeful rivalries, and fiefdoms reminiscent of imperial Chinese literature. In fact, I dare say that I would rather be tied in a leather bag with ravenous, rabid ocelots than remain at this company any longer than the next two weeks.

It was my sincere hope that the reptilian extraterrestrial tyrants who clandestinely own and operate the Technology Group would reveal themselves during my tenure here, but it appears they are far cannier then I ever gave them credit for. Hopefully, their insidious plot to befoul the American financial industry with foolish and ill-advised technology policies will eventually be revealed, but until then it seems their plans may march on uncontested. I give you due credit, for choosing to remain here to fight this hideous alien menace from within.

God’s speed, and may the Force be with you.

Sincerely,

I wanted to share this incredible story with you guys because I’ll bet it didn’t make any national news because it’s a good news story.  I got it as an email press release at work.

DATE: December 26, 2023

 
 
 

Two Fisherman Find Man Trapped in a Crashed Vehicle

*Portage-* This afternoon at 3:45 p.m., the Porter County Dispatch Center received a 911 call reporting a crash on I-94 at the Salt Creek overpass.  This is one mile east of the Portage exit.

Two local fishermen were walking Salt Creek, scouting for fishing holes when they spotted what appeared to be a crashed vehicle. Out of curiosity, the made their way to the vehicle and observed what they thought was a lifeless person. However, when one of the fishermen touched the occupant, he turned his head and began to speak to them.  The Good Samaritans immediately called 911 and requested help. The Portage Fire Department and Burns Harbor Fire Department both responded and after a lengthy extrication process, were able to remove the driver from the vehicle. During their extrication efforts, it was determined that the crash had more than likely occurred sometime around December 20th. The driver was subsequently flown by Lutheran Air to Memorial Hospital in South Bend for treatment of severe, life-threatening injuries.

Preliminary investigation shows that the driver was operating a 2016 Dodge Ram truck, and he had been traveling westbound on I-94 when it left the roadway for unknown reasons. The vehicle drove into the north ditch, missing a protective guardrail. The truck then overturned into the creek, coming to a rest under the I-94 bridge. The driver was pinned inside of the vehicle and was unable to call for help.  Had it not been for the two individuals that were walking the creek this afternoon, this incident more than likely would have had a different outcome. There had not been any prior reports of a crash in this area prior to the fishermen finding the vehicle.

The driver of the vehicle has been identified as Matthew R. Reum, 27, who currently resides in Mishawaka, IN. A family member of Mr. Reum has been notified.

This crash is a reminder of the importance of always letting someone know if you are traveling, the route you are taking, and the need to always have emergency items in your vehicle. The will to survive this crash was nothing short of extraordinary as it was also determined that Mr. Reum was able to drink rain water for hydration in order to survive for such a long period of time while being exposed to the elements.

Well, the way it pasted I hope you guys can read it.  He crashed on the 20th and wasn’t found until the 26th.  My question is, why didn’t anyone notice him missing on Christmas Day?  But then again, if it wasn’t for Izzy, no one would notice if I was missing on Christmas Day…I’m sure there are others as well.

There is an incredible laziness factor, childish factor, and a big question about urinating…  When did men stop being men?

A number of Primary Schools were doing a project on “The Sea.” Kids were asked to draw pictures or write about their experiences. Teachers got together to compare the results and put together some of the comments that were funny and some that were sad. Here are some of them. The kids were all aged between 5 and 8 years.

This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles. 
(Kelly age 6) 

Whales are animals, not fish. If they don’t get air they can drown, like my brother did last summer. 
(David age 7) 

Oysters’ balls are called pearls. 
(James age 6) 

If you are surrounded by sea you are an Island.  If you don’t have sea all round you, you are in continent. 
(Wayne age 7) 

I think sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson. She’s not my friend no more.
 (Kylie age 6) 

A dolphin breaths through an asshole on the top of its head. 
(Billy age 8) 

My uncle goes out in his boat with pots, and comes back with crabs. 
(Millie age 6) 

When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the ocean. Sometimes, when the wind didn’t blow, the sailors would whistle to make the wind come. My brother said they would be better off eating beans. 
(William age 7) 

I like mermaids. They are beautiful, and I like their shiny tails. How do mermaids get pregnant?
(Helen age 6) 

I’m not going to write about the sea. My baby brother is always screaming and being sick, my Dad keeps shouting at my Mum, and my big sister has just got pregnant, so I can’t think what to write. 
(Amy age 6) 

Some fish are dangerous. Jelly fish can sting. Electric eels can give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug themselves into chargers.
(Christopher age 7) 

My mom has fish nets, but doesn’t catch any fish. 
(Laura age 5) 

When you go swimming in the sea, it is very cold, and it makes my willy small. 
(Kevin age 6) 

When me and Sarah went to the sea side in the summer holidays, we hid in the sand dunes and watched my big sister doing it with her boy friend. It was fun. 
(Lauren age 7) 

A submarine goes under the water like a fish, but it has lots of seamen inside. 
(Emma age 5) 

When I grow up, I want to be captain of a big ship, and have lots of sailors. 
(Valerie age 6) 

Divers have to be safe when they go under the water. Two divers can’t go down alone, so they have to go down on each other. 
(Becky age 8) 

On holiday my Mom went water skiing. She fell off when she was going very fast. She says she won’t do it again because water shot up her fanny.
(Julie age 7) 

And that’s it my friends.  There may or may not be an issue on Monday.  I would expect your next one will be Thursday.  I hope you all have a wonderful holiday.  And I pray God’s blessings for a wonderful happy, healthy prosperous New Year for you all.  It has been a difficult holiday for me, thank you all for being there for me.  This next two weeks will be very difficult as I come up on the anniversary of the passing of my wife and my daughter.  I’m sure over the next couple of issues I’ll be forced to talk about it to get rid of it, but for now.  My love to you all.