Good Morning Campers,

I’m not really sure when this one is going to get published.  Today is Tuesday and I’m going to shoot for Thursday, but …. it’s doubtful.  My life is beating me about the head and shoulders right now.  I know that God will take care of me.  And I’m relying on Him to take care of me. 

Anyway 

You guys don’t want to listen to me complain

I don’t want to listen to me complain

I do want to thank you guys for the comments you sent in on Monday’s episode and for some of the private messages that I got from some of you.

_________________________

Okay, so let’s catch up.  It’s now Thursday, and you guys all know that this didn’t publish on Thursday…so now I want to thank you guys for understanding and the really nice messages that I got from you about what’s going on.  You guys are so great.

So, everything that has been going on, is still going on.  

MY MOUTH HURTS!!!

I went back to the dentist this morning.  They refit my denture again this morning.  I have a “bone spur” that is poking up through the gum that the dentist wants to leave alone for now, that is irritating the CRAP out of me.  I have a sore spot like blister in the very front that they tried to adjust around.  So, for the time being, I am leaving the denture out, trying to let my gums heal and I’m eating non-food.  Oatmeal, yogurt, ice cream, soup, stuff like that…and it’s making me sick.  I haven’t had real food in about a week now.  

I came home early from work today to take my Willow Dragon to the Vet.  About an hour before I was ready to go, the Vet calls and says that the owner of the company had walked in the door yesterday and told them that as of Friday they were closed for good.  So, we couldn’t go to the Vet today and had to call a new Vet and make an appointment.  This is not a big area and having the Vets in the local area are having to pick up the patients from this office is putting a strain on the other offices, so the next appointment they have for new clients is February.  Pepper is fine, but Willow is behind in her shots.  But, she’s a healthy dragon, so she should be okay until then.

I had to pay $260 the other night to keep the lights on at my brother’s house in Florida the other night.  The Holy Spirit bumped me and I thought, you know, I haven’t seen an electric bill from Ken’s house.  I called them when I was down there and told them to take his account off of paperless billing.  But when I called them the other night they of course told me they had no record of that.  Long story, short…after going through a bunch of higher and higher supervisors, I finally got to somebody who did take it off paperless billing, did tell me everything I needed to know about the status of the account, did stop the shut-off order that was being enacted two or three days hence, but only if I paid the $260 that was back due…and she told me what I needed to know to do that, too.

But that is just another example of the way things have been going for me.

And you guys have sent me such a nice bunch of messages and emails telling me to not worry about you guys and to take care of myself.  And I truly and deeply appreciate that. But you have to also understand that part of taking care of myself is sharing this with you.  So, let’s do some of that and maybe I’ll share some of the messages and stuff that I got from you with the rest of you.

I actually should have started doing this much earlier to try to get all my Christmas cartoons in.  I’m not sure I’m going to be able to do that, but I’m going to give it the old dragon try.

Let’s go ahead and start with one from our own Aussie Pete!

This is a lead-in to a really great article sent in by Stephanie called:

50 Times Tattoo Artists Took Their 3D Tattoos To A Whole Other Level (New Pics) | Bored Panda

And here is the link address: https://www.boredpanda.com/3d-looking-tattoos-casting-shadows/

My 12-year-old daughter asked me, “Mom, do you have a baby picture of yourself?  I need it for a school project.”

I gave her one without thinking to ask what the project was.

A few days later I was in her classroom for a parent-teacher meeting when I noticed my face pinned to a mural the students had created.

The title of their project was … “The oldest thing in my house.”

So much truth!

The boss called one of his employees into the office. 

“Rob,” he said, “you’ve been with the company for a year.

You started off in the post room, one week later you were promoted to a sales position, and one month after that you were promoted to district manager of the sales department. 

Just four short months later, you were promoted to vice- chairman. Now it’s time for me to retire, and I want you to take over the company. What do you say to that?” 

“Thanks,” said the employee. 

“Thanks?” the boss replied. “Is that all you can say?” 

“I suppose not,” the employee said. “Thanks, Dad.”

My second cousin Woo has a great gig in a garden in Japan.

Here’s a really good one sent in by Joe from NJ

https://youtube.com/shorts/qK3ZBOB34X8?si=B5M5SHLT9QKrVrRU

I want to do a couple of these real fast… And let me start with a conversation that Gene and I had about shoes…

Thank you Michael.  I will look up “The Shack”.  I think it might be helpful to some of the members of my Grief Group and possibly even some of the members of my Jail Ministry. 

I also want to make something else clear that a few people brought up.  By advocating forgiveness, not seeking revenge and the like, I was in no way suggesting that the individual not receive punishment for their crimes.  Justice must prevail.  And God supports that as well.  Up to and including the death penalty.  Exodus 20:13 says: “You shall not murder.” (NKJ, ESV, NIV)  The King James Version says “Thou shalt not kill”, and the Amplified Version says: “You shall not commit murder (unjustified, deliberate homicide).”  and in the notations it says that “The Hebrew word also covers causing human death through carelessness or negligence.”  When the state decides that a person is guilty of a crime bad enough that they deserve to be put to death, that is not a sin in the eyes of God, if it was done righteously.  And just because I have forgiven the person who abused my child doesn’t mean that I believe they should not get the punishment they deserve.  I had made that clear in the past, but since it was brought up, I wanted to make it clear again now.  Okay, onward…. 

Boy, ain’t that the truth!

This Christmas, I’m just giving all my family members a card that says, “A donation has been made in your name to my therapist.”

I’ve got spies everywhere.

Yukon Cornelius and Helen, thanks for the advice on the dentures.  It is appreciated.  I’m trying to bear (bare?) through it.

This one is from Joe, just on this side of being really wrong, it is quite old and so very, very funny!!!

Catholic Coffee …

Four old Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee in St.
Peters Square …

• The first Catholic man tells his friends, 

  • “My son is a priest.
  • When he walks into a room, everyone calls him ‘Father’.”

• The second Catholic man chirps,
  • “My son is a Bishop. 
  • When he walks into a room people call him ‘Your Grace’“
• The third Catholic gent says,
  • “My son is a Cardinal. 
  • When he enters a room everyone bows their head and says ‘Your Eminence’.”
• The fourth Catholic man says very proudly,
  • “My son is the Pope. 
  • When he walks into a room people call him ‘Your Holiness’.

Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the four
men give her a subtle, “Well … ?”

• She proudly replies,
  • “I have a daughter, slim & tall, 40″ D breasts, 24″ waist and 34″ hips. 
  • When she walks into a room people say ‘JESUS’!

When I retire and start my real writing career, that’s what I want to live in.  I’m gonna need a driver.

That time has already come.

A man can’t be too careful in the choice of his enemies. 

– Oscar Wilde (1854-1900) 

Oh so true!

After hitting his tee shot deep into the woods, the golfer turned to his caddie. 

“Did you see where that one went?” he asked. 

“No sir, as a matter of fact I didn’t,” replied the caddie.

“Well, why didn’t you watch where it went?” snapped the angry man. 

“Frankly, sir,” said the caddie, “I was quite unprepared for it to go anywhere.” 

I’ve been telling people for years…but do they listen?

Jack: “The actress from Legally Blonde stabbed her husband yesterday.”

Tom: “Witherspoon?”

Jack: “No, with a knife.”

A Polar bear walks into a bar and says to the bartender, 

“I’ll have a gin…………………………. and tonic.”

The bartender asks, “What’s with the big pause?” 

The bear says, “I dunno, I’ve always had them.” 

So much truth coming out today.

Having never visited or been a fan of Joel Osteen, I don’t have an opinion.  But from the tone of the meme…I’m gonna guess that it doesn’t go well for ole Joel.

My dad, an auto mechanic, received a repair order that read: “Check for clunking sound when going around corners.” 

Taking the car out for a test drive, he made a right turn, and a moment later he heard a clunk. He then made a left turn and again heard a clunk.

Back at the shop, he opened the car’s trunk, and soon discovered the problem. 

Promptly he returned the repair order to the service manager with this notation: 

“Remove bowling ball from trunk”. 

You really have to wonder sometimes, how many true stories like this that mechanics have.  Just like I can tell you aircraft stories and bomb loading stories all       day       long.

Yeah, I’m going with Dad on this one.  Around here, Santa likes Jameson and a good cigar left out for him.

Do you want to hear a little secret?  Just between us for the holidays?  I’m finding out that it’s beginning to be Politically Correct to be a little Politically Incorrect lately. 
I know, right!

Aliens are going to be super confused when they show up, threatening to overthrow our leaders and we’re all super stoked and offer to help.

Yeah, those are the idiots that want to outlaw and do away with ALL coal and oil fired electrical plants.  You guys do realize that more than 60% of your insufficient, limited and poorly located charging stations for your “soon to be mandated” and almost useless electric vehicles are currently run by … wait for it … coal and oil fired electrical plants. 
Yeah, go figure. 
Morons!

Put on there for the same reason probably that McDonald’s has to now put “Caution: Hot” or some such on their coffee cups.  Because some nimrod ate it, got sick, sued and their excuse was, “Well, there wasn’t a warning.”  I don’t know about the rest of the world, but I learned at a very young age that:
Coffee is hot
Don’t eat paper
Or glue
Or … anything that isn’t food!
(Okay, if we’re now going to start making jokes about girls, I submit to you that they could, in general, be classified as food, in a sexual or dragon sort of sense.)
Okay, enough!

Or standing in a garage makes you a car

Or sitting in a church makes you a Christian (as my Pastor likes to say)

(Actually, what he likes to say is, “Sitting in a church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.”  And I REALLY like that saying.)

Why am I not amazed that this sign is even required?

Some of you younger ones may not get that one.  I don’t know if that’s still a thing or not.

A Scotsman was visiting a friend in Canada, both liked to hunt.

They were hunting for deer, when all of a sudden, a moose popped up in front of them.  It was so unexpected, neither of them had a chance to fire. 

The Scotsman was shaken. “Hoot mon, wit was that?!!?” 

“That was a moose”, the Canadian replied. 

“A moose?  Good Lord, I’d hate to see yer Rats!” 

A minister told his congregation, “Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17.”

The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the minister asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know how many had read Mark 17.

Every hand went up. The minister smiled and said, “Mark has only sixteen chapters. I will now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying.”

But, I suppose for jokes like that last one, what I really need is a brand new symbol.  One that looks like this one:

Yeah, work on it…you’ll get it.

Hey!  Whatever works.

I so truly often wonder if Jubal was based on himself.  My very own dear sweet favorite author of all time.  He would be considered a radical, subversive even by today’s standards…both the author and his characters.  You can get as many quotes from Jubal as you can from Lazarus and many others. Robert Anson Heinlein.  Rest in Peace.

Instructions for all those with teenage daughters, or who will soon have a teenage daughter….

Congratulations! You are now the proud new owner of a teenaged daughter. Please read this manual carefully, as it describes the maintenance of your new daughter, and answers important questions about your warranty, which does NOT include the right to return the ‘product’ to the factory for a full refund.

IF YOU FEEL YOU HAVE RECEIVED YOUR TEENAGER IN ERROR:

*To determine whether you were supposed to receive a teenaged girl, please examine your new daughter carefully. – Does she:

(a) look very similar to your original daughter, only with more makeup and less clothing?

(b) refuse to acknowledge your existence on the planet Earth. (except when requesting money)?

(c) Sleep in a burrow of dirty laundry?

*If any of these are true, you have received the correct item.

BREAK-IN PERIOD

When you first receive your teenaged daughter, you will initially experience a high level of discomfort. Gradually, this discomfort will subside, and you will merely feel traumatized. This is the “Break-In Period,” during which you are becoming accustomed to certain Behaviors that will cause you concern, anxiety, and stress. Once you have adapted to these behaviors, your teenager will start acting even worse.

ACTIVATION

To activate your teenaged daughter, simply place her in the vicinity of a telephone or Instant Messenger. No further programming is required.

SHUTDOWN

Several hours after activation, you may desire to shut down your teenaged daughter. There is no way to do this.

CLEANING YOUR TEENAGED DAUGHTER

Having a teenaged daughter means learning the difference between The words “clean” and “neat.” Teenaged daughters are very clean, because they take frequent showers and or baths that last more than an hour. They will scrub themselves with expensive, fragrant soaps which you must purchase for them because “like I’m sure I’m going to use like the same kind of soap my mom and dad use.”  When they have completely drained the hot-water tank, they will step out and wrap themselves in every towel in the bathroom, which they will subsequently strew throughout the house. If you ask them to pick up the towels, you are confusing “clean” with “neat.” Teenagers are very busy and don’t have time to be neat. They expect others to pick up after them. These ‘others’ are called “parents.”

FEEDING YOUR TEENAGED DAUGHTER

Your teenaged daughter requires regular meals, which must be purchased for her at restaurants because she detests everything you eat because, “It is like so disgusting.” She doesn’t want you to accompany her to these restaurants, because some people might see you and, “Like I’m sure I want my friends to see me eating dinner with my parents.” Either order take-out food or just give her the money.  If you order pizza, never answer the doorbell because the delivery boy might see you and, “OHMIGAWD!  HE IS SO HOT!” Yes, your daughter’s idea of an attractive man is the pizza boy!

CLOTHING YOUR TEENAGED DAUGHTER

Retailers make millions of dollars a year selling stylish and frankly, sensible clothing which will look adorable on your daughter. If you enjoy shopping, you will love the vast selections which are available to you. Unfortunately, your teenaged daughter wants to dress like a lap dancer. You may be able to coerce her into putting on a cute outfit before leaving the house, but by the time she walks in the school door, she will be wearing something entirely different.

OTHER MAINTENANCE

Teenaged daughters require one or two levels of maintenance: “High,” and “Ultra High.”  Of course, YOUR daughter is “Ultra High.” This means that whatever you do won’t be enough, and whatever you try, won’t work.

WARRANTY

This product is not without defect because she has “your” genes, for heaven’s sake!  If you think this is not fair, talk to your parents, who think it is hilarious. Your teenaged daughter will remain a teenager for as long as it takes for her to become a woman; which in her opinion, has already happened, and as far as you are concerned, never really will. If you are dissatisfied with your teenaged daughter, well, what did you expect? In any event, your warranty does not give you your little girl back under any circumstances, except that deep down she’s actually still there – you just have to look for her.  Go ahead, try it — you just might find her!

That is absolutely hilarious.  And I can tell you from experience, not even close to being true.  It’s so much worse.  Boys are so much easier.  They truly are.  Not when they are younger.  Little girls are GREAT!!  But, as teenagers.  Boys over girls ANY DAY OF THE WEEK!!!

Illinois, Chicago  Law

It is forbidden to fish while sitting on a giraffe’s neck.

It always makes you wonder WHAT brought this law about?

Police in Radnor, Pennsylvania, interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine.

The message “He’s lying” was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn’t telling the truth.

Believing the “lie detector” was working, the suspect confessed.

A woman called in a repairman to fix her television. Just as he finished, the woman heard her husband’s key in the lock. 

“Hurry,” she said to the repairman, “you’ll have to hide. My husband is insanely jealous.” 

There was no time to run out the back door, so the repairman hid inside the TV console. 

The husband came in and plopped down in his favorite chair to watch some football. 

Inside the TV, the repairman was all squashed up and getting hotter and hotter. 

Finally, he couldn’t stand it anymore. He climbed out, marched across the room and out the front door. 

The husband looked at the TV set, looked at his wife, looked back at the set again and said, “I didn’t see the referee send that guy off the field, did you? 

And that’s it!  We did it!  We made it through and got it done.  Now I gotta go.  Love and happiness to you all.