Okay, it’s 1600 hrs. on Saturday.  I got home late last night.  My goal for this issue is three fold. 
#1 – To catch you up on what has happened since we’ve spoken last. 
#2 – To make you laugh, at least a little.
#3 – To publish this before I have to go and pick Izzy up from work at 2115 hrs.
Now, in order to accomplish those three things, it’s going to take coordination and cooperation amongst all of us.  First of all, it’s going to be a long story.  Second of all, by the time I get done, none of us may really FEEL like laughing, but we’re going to have to.  It’s a requirement.  And third, there are going to be other things that we’re going to have to do in-between as well.  Like answer the phone (that won’t seem to stop going off) feed the dragon (one of the things that got sorely ignored these last couple of weeks) and the dogs, stuff like that. 

So, are we ready? 

Okay, let’s do this.

We start right off with me leaving from Indianapolis Airport on Monday the 13th of November.  It seems like it was so much longer ago than that.  I had talked to a guy in Florida who rented cars on the Saturday before named Miler Acevedo at Miller’s Rental Car & More.  They are not a Big Name Place, this is a family run operation.  He told me he could have a car for me first thing Tuesday morning. 

Let me set the scene for you a little bit here.  Several people had keys to my brothers house.  At least five that I knew about, possibly more.  Friends, co-workers, neighbors, people that could come and check on him, take him to the hospital, or … whatever.  I don’t know.  One of those people, Lisa, a dear friend, co-worker, confidant, and someone who ended up becoming my “Girl-Friday” (if you don’t understand that reference…READ MORE!!!) while I was down there.  God used and abused this poor girl while I was there.  Lisa picked me up at the airport, drove me to Ken’s, gave me a key, helped me clean the house (it was a wreck!) changed the sheets on the bed in the room that Ken wasn’t using, washed a load of laundry, showed me where everything was, helped me break into the Wi-Fi, made sure I was settled in, and then left me alone.  We made arrangements for me to go to see Miler the next day to get a car because I had an appointment with the lawyer Tuesday afternoon.

Tuesday morning, I got ahold of Miler and he said he was terribly sorry, but he wouldn’t have a car for me until late on Wednesday.  But, because of the way his business worked, he was really sorry.  I told him it wasn’t that big of a deal, I’d see if I could work something out, I’d move my lawyer appointment and of course I understood.  He was squeezing me in.  He knew the circumstances of my brother’s funeral, that we were both veterans and was already bending over backwards for me.  I called Lisa…oh, and I should say right now, that Lisa is British and has a very hard British accent.  It annoyed her a tiny bit and she also enjoyed the fact that, I was stationed in England for four years and her accent bothered me not at all.  But what I did find was that after just a short time, my own British dialect (?) (not accent, but word usage, not sure that dialect is the right word either) started coming out. 

Anyway, where was I? 

Oh yeah, I called Lisa and told her we weren’t picking up the car and she suggested we go to Budget where she normally goes when she needs to rent a car.  So I went on line, and they were reasonably priced, so I did everything on line, paid and got it set up.  All I had to do was go and pick it up.  Lisa came and got me and dropped me off and I was all set. 

No I wasn’t. 

When they put my driver’s license in the little machine that scans my license, the little light didn’t turn green, it turned red. 

The lady said, “I can’t rent you a car.” 

I said, “What are you talking about?” 

She said, “Your license, it’s no good.  I can’t rent you a car.” 

“There’s nothing wrong with my license.  I’ve already rented a car.  It’s paid for.  I gave them my license on line already.  They accepted it.  My license is fine.” 

“The light has to turn green.  Yours turned red.  See.” And she pushed my license through the machine again.  The light turned red.  She turned it over.  Red.  Flipped it around.  Red. 

I said, “Your machine is broken.” 

“No it’s not.” She grabbed another man’s license, pushed it in the machine, it turned green.

“There is nothing wrong with my license.  It’s almost brand new.  I work for the United States Government.  I’m down here for my brother’s bloody funeral! (See what I mean about the British words coming out?)  My ride is gone.  I’m stuck here.  I’ve already paid for this car.  Who can I talk to about this?” My voice, of course getting louder and angrier as I went.  And in the back of my head I hear, tiny voice saying: “Bob, you are a Christian man.  This woman is just following the rules the dumb company put before her.”  Meanwhile the lady is pointing to a customer service number that I can call.  So, no one to talk to here, but a number to call.

So of course, my first call is to Lisa, who is still trying to get to Disney so she can go to work.  Now I later found out that Kent, Lisa’s and my brother Ken’s boss, has told Lisa that she is to do anything for me that I ask for and he will make it right, because they are all, ultimately doing it for their brother, Ken. 

Lisa turns around and heads back to pick me up.  I call the “customer service” number and as calmly as possible explain the situation to the person who eventually gets on the phone after fighting my way through the seemingly unending battle of computer menus and she apologizes to me and tells me my money will be refunded to me in 3 to 10 business days. 

And at this point, I will admit to telling a little fib.  I asked her what I was supposed to do in the meantime?  Here I was, over a thousand miles away from home, here for my brother’s funeral, who is a veteran.  I am a veteran.  We’ve both already given so much for our country, and now the money that I was going to use to rent a car so I could get around and take care of and arrange his funeral is tied up because some stupid light wouldn’t turn green.  What am I supposed to do now while I wait 3 to 10 business days?  I think my money was put back on my credit card in about a day and a half.

So, Lisa picks me up and brings me back to Ken’s house.  I move the lawyer appointment to Thursday, figure there’s a bunch of other things I can do around the house.  Start looking through his papers things like that.

Jump ahead.  That evening Miler calls me and says he feels horrible about me having to change my appointments and everything and he’s not going to have a car for me until late on Wednesday or maybe even Thursday and before I can gasp for air thinking that if the driver’s license thing happened at one rental place, maybe it will happen at another rental place and I HAVE to rent at a local place just to be safe (I shoulda just realized early that God had a hand in ALL of this) Miler says, “So I feel really bad and I thought, I’m just going to be at work all day tomorrow anyway, so why don’t you just come in and I’ll let you use my car tomorrow and if the car I have for you comes in late today then I’ll call you and we can swap out or if it’s not convenient, we can do it first thing Thursday morning and I’ll drive the other car home from work.”

“So, you’re going to loan me your car for the day?”

“Yeah, we’ll just add it to the rental agreement and do it that way.”

WHO DOES THAT?  So I went over and got Miler’s car and drove it around for the day, really nice car.  He showed me how to hook up my cell phone to the car and it gave me GPS directions on the dash and stuff.  I saw where he had his cell phone connected.  When he cleaned the car up for me, he missed somebody’s toy in the back and grabbed it up real quick.  I got to run to the funeral home and make all the arrangements and such (I’ll talk about that in a minute).  And then later on that evening, just before he was getting ready to close, he calls me and tells me that he got a different car back early and he would really like me to have this car instead of the one that he was going to give me.  This one is extra nice for everything that I’m going through down here.  Another long story short, he gave me a 2023 Toyota Corolla, fully kitted out, with about 3,000 miles on it.  I have never driven such a beautiful car in my life.  That man treated me like family and I told him so.  God whispered in his ear.

Okay, it’s now 1719 hrs and it’s time to feed the dogs and the dragon, so I’ll be back shortly and we’ll talk about the funeral arrangements.  You know, the ones that I was so worried about.  Spoiler alert:  God was at work there, too.

So, when I went to the funeral home, you guys know I was really worried about spending a bunch of money on Ken’s funeral, and since it’s getting late, I’ll just cut to the chase.  God peeked inside my bank account and saw how much I had.  Then told Terry, the funeral director exactly how much to charge me so that he left me enough to get by on until I got paid back from Ken’s estate.  I didn’t have to withdraw money from my retirement fund or anything.  As a matter of fact, we had Ken cremated, had the use of the funeral home, had a very nice memorial service and everything, and it didn’t cost me as much as it cost me here in Indiana to just cremate my Mary. 

You should have seen Terry.  He sat at the table with me and he was talking to himself out loud, “Well, we’re going to give you this package, and let’s see, it costs this much, but your not going to use that part and that costs that much, so we’ll just subtract that from that, and you don’t need that, so that comes off, and that, and …” Then he writes down a number and turns the form around for me.  All the while I’m trying to figure out how I can talk him into waiting on the estate when he says, “I’m sorry to say in the state of Florida, the cremation has to be paid for before they can go ahead with it.” 

So, I say, “Well, how much is just the cremation and maybe we can…” and I look down at the form and I only see one number on there, and that number is less than $4,000 and I just stop talking because that’s like impossible.  

Terry said, “It’s a little higher because you picked out a bit of a more expensive urn (we got one with an eagle and a flag on it and I gather the package called for just a plain one) but I agree that it will go really well with the military funeral.”

And I said, “Ah…”

“We can take a check or a credit card.”

“I’ll write you a check, I just need to move money over from my savings account.” I didn’t tell him that I would have to move ALL my money over from my savings account.  But the important thing was, I HAD THE MONEY.  It was there.  It was covered.  It was there.  God made sure of it.  That was an absolute miracle.  We scheduled the funeral for the next Tuesday, because it takes time to do the cremation, there are time frames on everything and all that, and just like that, all the funeral arrangements were made.

So, the next day was the lawyer appointment where I got the lowdown on everything that had to do with Ken’s estate.  Here’s the Reader’s Digest Condensed version.  Ken and his ex-wife had wills.  Ken named his then wife as his executor and gave her power of attorney and named two of her relatives as his beneficiaries to get all his properties.  He has life insurance and other legal things that go to other people that don’t have anything to do with his estate.  They agreed when they got divorced that they were not going to changed their wills.  But, they did not get them legally ratified after their divorce.  

In the state of Florida, a divorce nullifies certain portions of a will, such as being the executor or power of attorney, unless you specifically go back and update your will after your divorce.  Just because you verbally agreed in front of your attorney at the time of your divorce doesn’t mean anything if nothing was done legally.  So, according to Florida state law, the executor has to be a relative (by blood or by marriage) a Florida state resident, or next of kin.  So, with his executor taken out of the picture, there has to be a personal representative assigned.  It’s basically the same thing as an executor, but with not as much flexibility.  The rules are the same.  Ex-wife can’t do it, even though she is the perfect choice, she still loves him to no end.  There is a long story there that I really don’t have time to get into here.  Then comes the beneficiaries.  Well, due to the divorce they are no longer relatives and they are not Florida residents, so they are out.  No kids, so that goes to next of kin.  My dad is out so that is me and my sister.  My sister made it abundantly clear that if she was asked, she would turn it over to me.  

So, me it is.

Then the lawyer tells me that I need to open a trust fund with $3100.  That is a fund that they draw from to conduct the legal end of this nightmare…or…um…I mean business.  Nothing can be started until that is done first.  But what about the $450 I already gave you?  That is for today’s appointment.  This is the only kind of law they practice.  Wills, estates, unbreakable trusts, and they are VERY good at what they do.  The $3100 is what their law firm charges.  Period.  She told me, unofficially, in their estimation, when their part is all said and done, she expects that the unused portion she will refund is $2500.  She said this is really a pretty straightforward situation.

Yeah, but I just spent my last penny, almost literally, on the funeral.  I’m living off my credit card until payday, and that’s pretty much going to go to pay off my credit card, so I can live on it again until I can get things caught up.  Where in the heck am I going to get $3100 from?  Okay God, this one is all yours.

Oh, and let me just throw this in here RIGHT NOW.  I wouldn’t have had money enough for the funeral if it wasn’t for Joseph P.’s donation.  You remember I thanked him for that back after Halloween.  Without that, I would’ve been short.  Just sayin’.  Answer to prayer brother, answer to prayer.  

Okay, and while I’m thanking, SINCE then I’ve also gotten help from Kevin C. and Lynn T.  Thank you guys SO VERY MUCH.  You guys are so special, so great.  I couldn’t do it without you.  It’s proven to me, time after time.

So, this is becoming a novel.  Move it along.  

So, Ken’s ex-wife makes it to town on Friday, she was in part of the lawyer meeting with me by speaker phone, we discover the possibility that she might still be on Ken’s account at the bank and that might be where we can get the $3100!  So she races right from the airport to pick me up to go to the bank at Disney…I kid you not, that’s another whole thing in and of itself…and ask to see the manager about 1 hour before they close for the weekend, lay it all out for him, ask him if he can check and see if she is still on his account and if it’s Ken “and” her then she is entitled to 50% of what’s in there and if it’s Ken “or” her she’s entitled to all of what’s in there and we can work it all out and … 

Nope, she’s not on there at all.  So I explain to him that I will be Ken’s Personal Representative and what am I going to have to do and he says I will have to fly back down and … and I interrupt and say, “I will have to come down and personally sign?”  and he says yeah, I have to sign and they have to hand me a cashier’s check.  Terrific.  

So, I’m about ready to stand up and leave and Ken’s ex says, “So, I still have an account here.  I’d like you to cut a cashier’s check for $3,100 and make it out to, what was the name of the law firm, Bob?”  And that is how God took care of THAT problem.  She understands that she will be paid back as part of the expenses when things start to settle out.  The expenses are paid first.  That was her nest egg that she was building on for her business.  And she found out that she was cut out of the life insurance and everything else that was supposed to come to her and she still did that.  That is how much she still loves that man.

The death certificates came in on Monday before the funeral so they and the $3100 check got dropped off at the lawyer’s office so they can start the process.  I will have to fly back down to close out his bank.  

The funeral on Tuesday was a great success.  My dad and his wife drove up from down south Florida.  That I will talk about another time.  The military honors were great.  And he will be enshrined at Canaveral Cemetery when a date is set.

Here is a picture of the … I don’t know what you would call it, but that is Ken’s urn in the middle. 

If you look closely on the left, you can see a white snowy owl.  Our dad carved that for Ken several years ago.  It was a good service.  Myself and two others spoke.  It’s still hard to talk about now, so I’ll move on.

Thursday was Thanksgiving.  I had turned the car in to Miler on Wednesday morning, early so that he would have a chance to rent it again to someone over the holidays so he would have the best chance to make more money off it.  I wasn’t going to need it.  I had a ride to the airport on Friday.  So, I spent Thursday cleaning, packing, doing laundry, straightening up.  Oh!  I had the locks changed on the house on Wednesday.  Talked to Izzy on the phone a little on Thursday, but mostly contemplated things.

Flew home on Friday, yesterday, got in, hugged Izzy for a very long time.  Found out that a dear friend was in the hospital, so went there this morning, as well as did a little business.  

And I think that about catches you up.

So, let’s take a deep breath, now and for just a little bit, 

I want to start off with a quick note that I got from one of our dear campers and also a dear friend.

Like I’ve told you before, nurse for 40 years. I did not know there was such a thing as Dragon Withdrawal…but there is. I’m going through it…please take care of everything ,but hurry back before the seizures start.

Okay, so you cracked me up.  And I’m doing the best that I can.  I don’t have much time left, but let’s see what we can get done.

QUOTES FROM WORK 

Quote from a recent meeting: ‘We are going to continue having these meetings, everyday, until I find out why no work is getting done’. 

Quote from the Boss… ‘I didn’t say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame it on you.’ 

A motivational sign at work: The beatings will continue until morale improves. 

A direct quote from the Boss: ‘We passed over a lot of good people to get the ones we hired.’ 

My Boss frequently gets lost in thought. That’s because it’s unfamiliar territory. 

My Boss said to me ‘ What you see as a glass ceiling, I see as a protective barrier.’ 

My Boss needs a surge protector. That way his mouth would be buffered from surprise spikes in his brain. 

I thought my Boss was a bastard, and quit, to work for myself. My new Boss is a bastard, too … but at least I respect him. 

He’s given automobile accident victims new hope for recovery. He walks, talks and performs rudimentary tasks, all without the benefit of a SPINE. 

Some people climb the ladder of success. My Boss walked under it. 

Quote from the Boss after overriding the decision of a task force he created to find a solution: ‘ I’m sorry if I ever gave you the impression your input would have any effect on my decision for the outcome of this project!’ 

HR Manager to job candidate ‘I see you’ve had no computer training. Although that qualifies you for upper management, it means you’re under-qualified for our entry level positions. 

‘Quote from telephone inquiry ‘We’re only hiring one summer intern this year and we won’t start interviewing candidates for that position until the Boss’ daughter finishes her summer classes.’ 

Great minds have purposes, little minds have wishes.

-Washington Irving (1783 – 1859)

“Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this.”

– Terry Pratchett (1948-2015)

Pete was the playboy of the office. He kept the cubicle set bug-eyed with juicy tales of his conquests. One afternoon a bachelor in the office cornered him and asked, “Pete, how the hell do you do it? You’re a married man, but you make Casanova look like a two-bit amateur. Come on, buddy, what’s your secret?”

Pete was in a conversational mood. “I wouldn’t do this for everybody, Eddie,” he said, “but you’re a friend, so I’ll tell you my secret. Like all great plans, it’s really very simple. It’s all in the approach!  Tonight, take the 5:21 out of Penn Station and get off at Great Neck. You’ll find dozens of women there waiting for their husbands. Now there are always some husbands who have to work late. So all you have to do is be charming and let nature take its course.”

The system was indeed simple, and also seemed foolproof. Eddie boarded the 5:21 that night with Pete’s instructions fixed firmly in his mind. But he dozed en route and didn’t waken till Plandome, two stops after Great Neck. He got off the train in a hurry and was about to catch a cab back to his destination when he noticed an unescorted female standing on the platform looking very available.

He sauntered over casually, lit her cigarette, and asked whether she’d like to have a nice quiet drink with him.  “I’d love to,” she said, “but let’s go to my place. It’s near here and it’s very, very quiet.”

Everything went as planned. They had a small dinner at her place, some drinks, then they retired to the pleasures of the bedroom. They’d been enjoying themselves only a few minutes, however, when the door swung open and the woman’s husband entered.

“Dammit, Betty!” he cried. “What the hell’s going on here? So this is what you do when my back is turned… And as for you, you bastard-I thought I told you to get off at Great Neck!”

TEN COMMANDMENTS OF MARRIAGE!

Commandment 1.

Marriages are made in heaven. But so again are thunder and lightning.

 

Commandment 2.

If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

 

Commandment 3.

Marriage is grand — and divorce is at least 100 grand!

 

Commandment 4.

Married life is very frustrating.

In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.

In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.

In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

 

Commandment 5.

When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing:

Either the car is new or the wife is.

 

Commandment 6.

Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

 

Commandment 7.

Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say.

After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish.

 

Commandment 8.

Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook.

But the law allows only one wife.

 

Commandment 9.

Marriage and love are purely matter of chemistry.

That is why wife treats husband like toxic waste.

 

Commandment 10.

A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished..

 

Bonus Commandment story.

A long married couple came upon a wishing well.

The wife leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny.

The husband decided to make a wish too.

But he leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned.

The wife was stunned for a moment but then smiled.IT REALLY WORKS

Golfer: “Do you think my game is improving?”

Caddy: “Yes sir, you miss the ball much closer now.”

I was making Play-Doh animals with my four-year-old niece, Chris, and her three-year-old brother, Neil. 

While Chris was clearly molding a crude but recognizable dog, figuring what Neil was making was a bit more challenging.

“It’s a cat,” he told me, “but a truck ran over it.”

Sometime later, Chris had made another simple animal shape, but Neil had a rather flat slab of dough on the table in front of him.

“What happened to this animal?” I asked.

Neil shrugged and said simply, “Same truck.”

The school of agriculture’s dean of admissions was interviewing a prospective student, “Why have you chosen this career?” he asked. 

“I dream of making a million dollars in farming, like my father,” the student replied. 

“Your father made a million dollars in farming?” echoed the dean much impressed. 

“No,” replied the applicant. “But he always dreamed of it.” 

We’ve just been notified by Security that there have been 6 suspected terrorists working out of your office.

Five of the six have been apprehended.

Bin Sleepin, Bin Loafin, Bin Goofin, Bin Lunchin and Bin Drinkin have been taken into custody.

Our agent advised us that they could find no one fitting the description of the sixth cell member,Bin Workin, at your office.

Security is confident that anyone who looks like he’s Bin Workin will be very easy to spot.

You are obviously not a suspect at this time.

A young boy was looking through the family album and asked his mother, “Who’s this guy on the beach with you with all the muscles and curly hair?”

“That’s your father.”

“Then who’s that old bald-headed fat man who lives with us now?”

THAT’S YOUR FATHER

I was crossing the street. I got hit by a mobile library. I was lying there in pain, screaming.

The guy looked at me. He went, “Shhhh.”

That’s it my friends.  That’s all I have time for.  I have to take the dogs out and then go and get Izzy.  You probably won’t get an issue from me again until Thursday at the earliest because I have so much to do.  I may have to take a look at how often I publish for a little while.  I have no idea how much time this estate thing is going to take out of me, but we’ll see how it goes.  For now, I’ll do the very best that I can.  Come to find out, some of you readers are working for Disney, too.  May God Bless you all with Love and Happiness until we meet again.