And here we are again, starting today’s issue with thanks! 

This is so much fun! 

New people on the thank you list for donations

Steven H.          Tina C.          Henry H.          Stephen B.          Sammye C.

Susan W.           Kevin C.        Wayne G.

You guys are so great.  I can’t thank you enough for all that you do.  Like every time I’ve asked you guys for any help at all, you’ve always come through for me.  That means an awful lot.  Truly it does.  Thank you so very much.  For the rest of you, you still have a chance to donate to the show, be part of the program.  A couple of bucks is all we are looking for.  Just enough to pay the bills.  I do this because I enjoy it.  Because it helps me as much as it helps you guys.  I get to put my voice out in the world, exorcise my demons and you guys either get to share in that or cringe and hide in the corners. 

But I digress…

And obfuscate. 

Does that word sound made up to you?  Never mind, long story.

The short and the long of it is, thank you.  You are appreciated…and now on the the rest of the show, which is why we are all here.

“DO NOT TOUCH” must be a terrifying thing to read in braille. 

I have been promoted to director at Old MacDonald’s Farm

I am now the CIEIO

What do you call a monkey with a grenade?

A Baboom

I read books, I drink coffee, and I know things.  And sometimes the books I read are QUITE interesting.

Bures Dragon

A hill carving of the legendary dragon that terrorized the village of Bures in the Middle Ages.

THE ENGLISH ARE NOTABLY FOND OF CARVING GIANT WHITE HORSES into the chalky hillsides of southern England. Dragon geoglyphs, on the other hand, are much more rare. In fact, there may be just one such fiery hill figure, located in the town of Bures. It’s an appropriate spot, given the longstanding local legend that an enormous dragon was sighted here in the Middle Ages.

For the rest of this very interesting article, click here: https://www.atlasobscura.com/places/bures-dragon

Why should you never fight a dinosaur?

You’ll get jurasskicked.

When basketball started out, every game featured a guy climbing a ladder to retrieve the ball after each basket.  It took them almost 20 years to realize that cutting the bottom of the basket out would make recovering the ball much easier!

Very often it is much easier to leave your problems behind you.

My wife said, “That’s the 4th time you’ve gone back for dessert!  Doesn’t it embarrass you?” 

I said, “No, I keep telling them it’s for you.”

I got gas today for $1.39

Unfortunately it was at Taco Bell.

Sometimes faith will make you look stupid…

until it starts to rain.

~Noah

“This term,” said the English teacher, “we will be studying ‘The Canterbury Tales’.  But,” she added, “to anticipate a question I get every year — this will not include ‘The Nun’s Priest’s Tale.'”

“Why not?” asked one of the pupils.

The teacher’s features shaped themselves into an expression of sour disapproval.  “Because,” she answered, “The ‘Nun’s Priest’s Tale’ is lascivious, licentious, and utterly improper, especially for people your age.  Now please open your copies to the General Prologue, and we will begin with that.”

A the next lesson, the teacher said, “Please open your ‘Canterbury Tales’ to ‘The Nun’s Priest’s Tale’, which I am assuming you have all read by now…?”

I found my first grey pubic hair today.

Normally things like this don’t bother me, but it was in my Big Mac.

A loan at a bank can take 30 years to pay off.  If you rob a bank, you’re out in 10 years.

Follow me for more financial advice.

This is so true my friends…so true.  Take advantage of what you have while you have it.

And why should this not surprise anybody.  It’s not his money…IT’S OURS!!!

And it’s that LAST question that should bother everyone the most.

Yeah, go ahead and try that…

The adjective for metal is metallic, but not so for iron, which is ironic.

My wife’s name is Karen.  The other day we were having a conversation and the topic of the “Karen” meme came up.  She went on for quite some time about how tired she was of that and how she has come to using her middle name in public places – just to avoid the jokes and comments.  She sounded quite flustered.  After an appropriate amount of silence, I looked at her lovingly and said, “I’m so sorry.  This whole thing seems to have really upset you…”

She replied, “it has.”

After another appropriate amount of silence, I replied, “would you like to speak to a manager about that?”

I’ll leave it up to all of you to guess how that went.

My husband had a great idea today that I came up with 6 months ago.

Have you ever heard of Alexander Graham Bellowski?

He was the first telephone pole.

The woman doing my nails said the last person did a terrible job and I should start coming to her instead.

I guess she doesn’t remember me.

Never feel bad about eating unhealthy things like cheesecake.  Use the science of relativity.  Cheesecake is healthier than crystal meth.  Take another slice and be thankful.

The designers of the Atlanta Airport were like, “and then what if we had them run a 5k”

One of the pleasures of reading books is experiencing the relief it is to read correct English, properly punctuated, etc., compared to translating FB posts.

Not much on the supermarket shelves yesterday so I decided to improvise.

Dinner last night was a risotto I made with some mushrooms I foraged for locally.

Not only was it delicious, but soon after a Welsh male voice choir of purple elephants showed up and sang the whole of Meatloaf’s Bat Out of Hell album, accompanied by a light show.

I’d like to end today’s issue with a story.  It’s not my story, but I’m going to tell it anyway.  It’s a good story.

A young man mockingly said to a preacher, “You say that unsaved people carry a great weight of sin.  Frankly, I feel nothing.  How heavy is sin?  Ten pounds?  Fifty pounds?  Eighty pounds?  A hundred pounds?”

The preacher thought for a moment and gently replied, “If you laid a four hundred-pound weight on a corpse, would it feel the load?”

The young man was quick to say, “Of course not; it’s dead.”

The preacher replied, “The person who doesn’t know Christ is equally dead.  And though the load is great, he feels none of it.”

That is a great story.  Take from it what you will my friends.  And with that I will wish you all God’s Blessing for Love and Happiness until we meet again.