So, no complaints about Saturday’s issue being a crappy issue, so I guess you guys were satisfied with my super fast build.  Although somebody marked the email as spam and got me in trouble with Word Press.  They, of course, threatened to close down the website if I continued  to get “spam complaints” from people.  I wrote back to them and told them that the only people who were getting emails from my website were people who signed up to get email from my website.  If, after they signed up they then marked the email as spam then there wasn’t anything I could do about someone making a mistake or doing such things on purpose. 

I am now awaiting their response. 

Like a webserver is going to cut off someone who pays every year.  Sheesh.  But, I know that it was an automated email sent to me, but I am kinda curious to see if I get a response from them or not.

Anyway, it’s actually Saturday and I’m actually watching preseason football on TV. 

But Impish, didn’t you tell us that you cut off your TV service?

I did, as a matter of fact. But a buddy told me about a website called Streameast where ALL sports games are simulcast.  And I mean ALL sports games.  They have sports on there that I’ve never even heard of. 

So, I got to see the Colts get beat in their first pre-season game.  Which is one of the reasons that I don’t normally watch pre-season.  Most of the teams aren’t really trying, because they are too busy still checking out players under pressure.  So, they are putting in players and, more importantly, combinations of players, that they wouldn’t normally put in those situations.  And the Colts do that better (worse?) than a lot of other teams do.

But anyway, I digress and discuss silly stuff. 

My breakfast for Men’s Breakfast went very well.  It even came with a warning: 

Each batch, which was supposed to serve about ten people, but with those guys served about seven, had 15 eggs, 4 cups of cheese (3 different types), 1 lb. of thick cut bacon, 1lb. of sausage, and miscellaneous other stuff.  It went over pretty well.  Now, I just have to get 5 gazzillion things done this week before I leave for a week next week.  But, for now, let’s move on to the laughter, shall we? 

For thirty years, Johnson had arrived at work at 9 A.M. on the dot. He had never missed a day and was never late.

Consequently, when on one particular day 9 A.M. passed without Johnson’s arrival, it caused a sensation. All work ceased and the boss himself, looking at his watch and muttering, came out into the corridor.

Finally, precisely at ten, Johnson showed up, clothes dusty and torn, his face scratched and bruised, his glasses bent. He limped painfully to the time clock, punched in, and said, aware that all eyes were upon him, “What a morning. I tripped and rolled down two flights of stairs entering the subway. When I was on the ground two punks grabbed my wallet. I had to borrow subway fare from a stranger to get here.”

The boss responded, “And this took hour?”

Here’s one that’s really old and holds great meaning…

Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming –WOW — What A Ride!

Queso = Spanish for cheese

K, so = Southern for here’s the plan and y’all probably ain’t gonna like it.

It’s good to keep a pet…ahhhh, but who is the pet and how is the owner.  Depends on which one you ask.

“Dad, what’s a forklift?”

“Food, usually.”

People can have the same parents, live in the same house, and be raised by the same morals…but one still can be a crackhead and the other one a preacher, so you can’t say it was how somebody was raised.  It’s the decisions YOU choose to make!

Of all the things I lost, I miss my metabolism the most.

These new all body massage places are getting so high-tech!

Reading fiction is fun because for once the problems aren’t mine.

This is such an awesome cartoon

Heart, lungs, liver, pancreas, spleen, gall bladder, appendix. 

I thought you might appreciate my organ recital.

I bought my ex a chair, but the state won’t let me plug it in.

Me:  I can’t work today, there’s a huge ball of fire emitting deadly radiation.

Boss:  You can’t skip work just because the sun is out.

I once got sent out of class at school for being too sarcastic.  The teacher yelled at me, “What would your parents say if I called them?”

I replied, “Hello?”

Very few things upset my wife, it makes me feel rather special to be one of them.

Now that we know the grid is struggling to keep up with energy demands of a few hot days, it seems like the right time to evaluate the plan to plug in 25 million electric cars EVERY single night.

Weird how they found every Jan 6th participant…but no one knows who brought coke to the party.

I wish I lacked common sense.

They all seem so happy…

Vegan food ain’t that bad once you add meat and cheese to it…

Rest Your Mind

I know you have been laying awake at night wondering why baby diapers have brand names such as “Luvs”, “Huggies”, and “Pampers”. while undergarments for old people are called “Depends”.

Well here is the low down on the whole thing.

When babies crap in their pants, people are still gonna Luv’em, Hug’em, and Pamper’em.  When old people crap in their pants, it “Depends” on who’s in the will!

Glad I got that straightened out so you can rest your mind.

Be grateful that no matter how much chocolate you eat, your earrings will still fit.

I TOLD MYSELF THAT I SHOULD STOP

DRINKING

BUT I’M NOT ABOUT TO LISTEN TO A DRUNK THAT TALKS TO HIMSELF

I was shocked to read in the papers today that a dwarf had been pickpocketed and I just thought to myself “How can anyone stoop so low?”

THE MOST TERRIFYING MOMENT IN LIFE IS WHEN THE TOILET REFUSES TO FLUSH AT SOMEONE ELSE’S HOUSE.

Do you ever get the urge to start organizing and then 2 hours later you’re just looking around at a mess like…

what the heck have I done?

Hired a handy man and gave him a list.
When I got home, only #1, 3, & 5 were done.
Turns out, he only does odd jobs! 

And that is it for today.  May God Bless you all with Love and Happiness until we meet again.