So, it’s Thursday when you’re reading this, although it’s Sunday when I’m starting it.  Went to church today and our pastor gave a really good talk on how it’s our responsibility to bring our ministry to others.  Also talked about the Armor of God.  Ephesians 6:11  Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. 

We need all this and more to bring out to the world, to protect ourselves from what is going on in the world right now.  I would love to sit here and talk to you about all of this, to any of you who is willing to listen.  But Dragon Laffs has a different mission.  Well, similar mission, different game plan.  We still work for God, but with laughter.  We still fight with prayer and blessings, intermixed with finger pointing and more laughter. 

I’m not really sure where I’m going with this opening since I’ve written it and erased it and re-written it again.  Got a lot of stuff bouncing around in this big blue head of mine and I’m pretty sure that my medication is messing with me again, since I can’t seem to hold my eyes open half the time and then can’t fall asleep the other half of the time. 

So, rather than playing ping pong inside Impish Dragon’s head with his psyche, let’s go ahead and …

And as Stephanie pointed out, they are the tender ones.

This was NOT sent in by Marsha, although I bet it shoulda been.

That was kinda my thought…since when is looking up somebody’s butt “routine”?

Before you get as mad as I started to get over this one, keep in mind that she is suing.  Not that she won her suit or anything else.  Anyone can sue anyone for anything.  Personally, I think we should have laws about frivolous law suits, but as far as I know, we don’t in most instances.

Friggin’ Pete sent us a copy of Biden’s latest Presidential Edict:

An older, tired-looking dog wandered into my yard.
I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home and was well taken care of.
He calmly came over to me, and I gave him a few pats on his head.
He then followed me into my house, slowly walked down the hall, curled up in the corner and fell asleep.
An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out.
The next day he was back, greeted me in my yard, walked inside and resumed his spot in the hall and again slept for about an hour.
This continued off and on for several weeks.
Curious I pinned a note to his collar:
“I would like to find out who the owner of this wonderful sweet dog is and ask if you are aware that almost every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap.”
The next day he arrived for his nap, with a different note pinned to his collar:
“He lives in a home with 6 children, 2 under the age of 3 – he’s trying to catch up on his sleep. Can I come with him tomorrow?”

World Traveler

Shhh!  I’m hiding Out!

This is “A Pocket Full of Puns” from Lynn

Why do bees stay in their hives during winter? Swarm.

Just so everyone is clear, I’m going to put my glasses on.

A commander walks into a bar and orders everyone around.

I lost my job as a stage designer. I left without making a scene.

How much did the pirate pay to get his ears pierced? A buccaneer. 

My friends and I have named our band ‘Duvet’. It’s a cover band.

I lost my girlfriend’s audiobook, and now I’ll never hear the end of it. 

Why is it unwise to share your secrets with a clock? Well, time will tell.

When I told my contractor I didn’t want carpeted steps, they gave me a blank stare.

Bono and The Edge walk into a Dublin bar and the bartender says, “Oh no, not U2 again.

Scientists got together to study the effects of alcohol on a person’s walk, and the result was staggering.

I’m trying to organize a hide and seek tournament, but good players are really hard to find.

I got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallows, and nuts. I won’t lie, it was a rocky road.

What do you say to comfort a friend who’s struggling with grammar? There, they’re, their.

I’ve started telling everyone about the benefits of eating dried grapes. It’s all about raisin awareness.

And here’s a bunch from Joe from NJ who says, “Couple of these might be usable…”

• Did you know muffins spelled backwards is what you do when youtake them out of the oven?
• Scientifically, a raven has 17 primary wing feathers, the big ones at the end of the wing. 

• • They are called pinion feathers. A crow has 16. 
  • So, the difference between a raven and a crow is only a matter of a pinion.

• I was walking in the jungle and saw a lizard on his hind legs telling jokes. 

• • I turned to a local tribal leader and said, “That lizard is really funny!” 
  • The leader replied, “That’s not a lizard. He’s a stand-up chameleon.

• I tried to come up with a carpentry pun that woodwork. 

• • I thought I nailed it but nobody saw it.

• Just spoke with Bill Withers and told him “Ain’t No Sunshine” is bad grammar. 

• • He said, “I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know.”

• Singing in the shower is fine until you get soap in your mouth. 

• • Then it’s a soap opera.

• The Black-Eyed Peas can sing us a song …

• • But the chick peas can only hummus one.

• Then there was the time Fruit of the Loom took Hanes to court… 

• • It was a brief case.

• How much does a chimney cost? 

• • Nothing, it’s on the house.

• My friend said she wouldn’t eat cow’s tongue because it came out of a cow’s mouth. 

• • I gave her an egg.

• Once upon a time there was a King who was only 12 inches tall. 

• • He was a terrible King but he made a great ruler.

• Ran out of toilet paper and now using lettuce leaves. 

• • Today was just the tip of the iceberg, and tomorrow romaines to be seen.

• My friend Jack says he can communicate with vegetables. 

• • That’s right…Jack and the beans talk.

• I want to tell you about a girl who only eats plants. 

• • You probably have not heard of herbivore.

• I was struggling to understand how lightning works … 

• • And then it struck me.

• Six cows were smoking joints and playing poker. 

• • That’s right. The steaks were pretty high.

• I went to the paint store to get thinner. 

• • It didn’t work.

I think I need to apologize for both of them…but I won’t.

As I suspected, someone has been adding soil to my garden. 

The plot thickens.

This is Great Uncle Henry.  Great Uncle Henry fought in the Goblin Wars of ’67.  In fact, he was one of the Hero Leaders.   

Stopping to pick up my daughter at kindergarten, I found out that the topic of show and tell that day had been parents’ occupations. 

The teacher pulled me aside. Whispering, she advised, “You might want to explain a little bit more to your daughter what you do for a living.” 

I work as a training consultant and often conduct my seminars in motel conference rooms. 

When I asked why, the teacher explained, “Your daughter told the class she wasn’t sure what you did, but said you got dressed real pretty and went to work at motels.” 

A college student has been thrown out of his apartment for not paying his rent, so he sends an e-mail to his father. 

“Please send money. I’m in the street.” 

The father replies, “Have no money. Watch out for cars.” 

Not a word!  I’d tell you a story, but the lady is no longer here to defend herself, but let’s say that it involved glasses and holding her hair up in a bun with a #2 yellow pencil…

A motorist was on trial for hitting a pedestrian. 

The motorist’s lawyer made this point: “Your honor, my client has been driving for over thirty years.” 

To which the lawyer for the plaintiff retorted: “Your honor, if we are going to judge this case by experience, may I remind you that my client has been walking for over fifty years.”  

Feeling Old In 2023? This might be the reason why…

• The Beatles split 49years ago.

• The movie, ‘Wizard of Oz’ is 84 years old.

• Elvis died 46 years ago. He’d be 88 today.

• Michael Jackson’s ‘Thriller’ video is 41 years old.

• Mickey Mantle retired 54 years ago.

• The movie, ‘Saturday Night Fever’ is 48 years old.

• The Ed Sullivan show ended 52 years ago

• The Corvette turned 70 years old this year.

• The Mustang is 59.

Well, I wasn’t before, but now I am!!!  Thanks Joe!!

What does a a dog do that a man steps in ?   

>>>>> 

Pants

A man’s mind, stretched by a new idea, can never go back to its original dimension. 

-Oliver Wendell Holmes Sr., (1809 – 1894) 

A man buys a parrot, but after several weeks of trying, is unable to get it to speak a single word. In desperation he takes the bird to a vet for advice. 

The vet tells him that the parrot’s beak is too long which is preventing him from speaking. He says that he can file it down for $100. 

The parrot’s owner thought that was rather expensive and wondered aloud if he could just file it down himself. 

The vet tells him that it is a very delicate procedure and must be done by a trained professional. If he does not file enough, the bird still wont be able to talk, but if he files too much, the bird will drown while drinking his water. 

The man decides to think it over and leaves with the parrot. 

Several weeks later, the vet happens to meet the parrot owner who is looking rather down. He inquires about the parrot and the man replies that his parrot is dead. 

“Did you try to file his beak down yourself?” asked the vet. The man nods his head. 

“And he drowned while trying to drink his water, right?” 

“No,” replied the parrot’s owner, “he was dead when I took his head out of the vise.”

Did you hear about the army nurse who went to bed eating popcorn?

She woke up with a kernel between her legs.

The highly religious young man entered his wedding chamber and was shocked to find his new young bride awaiting him, spread-eagle and naked on their bed.

“My dear!” he exclaimed, “I expected to find you beside our bed and on your knees!”

“OK,” she said, obediently changing positions, “but I always get the hiccups when I screw in that position.”

Once a young boy was watching his mother take a bath.

As she got out to dry off, he notices her upper torso he asks “Momma what are those?”

She replies “Son those are my breasts,” as she turns her back to him he asks “Momma what is that?” she replies “Son that is my derriere.”

As she turns to slip on her robe he spies her nether region and asks “Momma what is that?” She replies “That son is none of your business!”

Later the boy is playing by the kitchen door, and the father comes in from work hungry. The father hollers toward the kitchen to the mom, “Hey honey, what’s for dinner?”

She replies “None of your business.”

The son shaking his head says “YUCK!”

What an odd issue this turned out to be.  I ran out of time, didn’t get to do half the stuff I wanted to do, but at least you guys got an episode.  Until Saturday.