Dragon Laffs #2064


Okay, this is a terrible situation to be in.  Today is Wednesday and not only is it late on Wednesday, but this is due for tomorrow, I have church tonight and NOTHING has been started on it to date.  Well, in my defense, I started back at work this week (more about that in a minute) and Monday night I had my second to the last Grief Group, Tuesday I had Physical Therapy during the day, but that made me work a little later to make up for and Izzy had a hair appointment that I had to take her to after work, and then it was Darts last night, THAT I DID EXCELLENT AT!  My partner and I took second place.  Best finish I’ve had this year.  And I actually had my first EVER 5 bull hit to win one match!  We needed 4 bulls to win a Cricket match and the other team only needed one.  It was my turn up.  Now, I’m not the best shot when it comes to bulls, but since it was a double elimination blind draw and we hadn’t lost a match yet, we weren’t completely out of it regardless.  So, I threw my first dart…double bull! 
Okay, not bad, 2 darts left, 2 single bulls and we can win.  Just because I’ve never hit all three darts in the bull was no reason to worry.  I could always hit another double bull, tie my best score and we’d still win.
Threw my second dart…single bull!
Dang!  1 bull short.  I had one dart to get one bull, and if I missed, they had 3 darts to get one bull.  And they were good enough that they were pretty much guaranteed to hit it.  If they didn’t then I had a lot of confidence in my partner, but…since I had NEVER hit bulls with all three darts (there’s not much room left in that little bitty center spot at this point anyway)
And I threw my third dart…


DOUBLE BULL!!!!
And the crowd goes wild!!!
New record for Impish. 
For all of you dart players out there who are obviously better at this then I am, you’re probably saying, “Yeah, I’ve gotten 3 in the bed before (3 double bulls).  Not me.  I can count on one hand the number of ton 80s (180 – the highest strike on the board, that you get by hitting three triple 20s) I’ve had and that is a MUCH bigger spot to hit than the double bull. 

Anyway, that was last night, and we didn’t get done until midnight, then I worked all day today, got home finished my homework for church tonight and jumped right on here.  I now have about 1 1/2 hours before I have to leave for church and I’ll see how much I can get done before church and then see how much I can get done when I get home until I have to pick up Izzy from work and then what I have is what you guys get.

So, let’s get started, shall we? 

What haunts me is that I am just not smart enough for so many people to be this much stupider than I am.

 

If idiots could fly, this place would be an airport.

Absolutely marvelous!

The first rule of cleaning while listening to music:  The toilet brush is never the microphone…NEVER.

Well, how did YOU think dragons went Trick-or-Treating?

THAT’S RIGHT!  COME AT ME, DUDE!  SEE WHAT HAPPENS!

Beware of a new Amazon scam.  My husband ordered me some expensive jewelry, but motorcycle parts came instead.  Thankfully they fit his bike…

I’m so glad it’s not snowing.  Imagine shoveling snow in this heat!!

I shine a laser pointer in my neighbor’s window when they’re gone.  Their cat has trashed 3 sets of mini blinds chasing it.  They have no idea it’s me.  
Am I evil?
Yes, I am.

“Look!  I’m only going to ask one more time!  What have you done with my underwear?!”

I’m glad I’ve got boobs…the last thing I need is people making eye contact with me.

They said Noah was crazy.
The the rain came and the fact checkers drowned.

The End

I need everyone to wish me luck.  I have a meeting at the bank later and if all  goes well, I will be out of debt.  I’m so excited I can barely put on my ski mask.

ALWAYS REMEMBER, THE CROWD CHOSE BARABBAS…
NOT BECAUSE THEY LOVED HIM, BUT BECAUSE THEY HATED THE TRUTH.

If you don’t “get it”, read your Bible.

I never thought I’d be the kind of person who gets up early to exercise.

Turns out, I was right.

That is Izzy Dragon!  So much!

Not to brag, but I just went into another room and actually remembered why I went in there.

It was the bathroom, but still…

Of COURSE it is.  Where the hell do you ecology people think the electricity comes from for your electric cars?  Rainbow sweat and unicorn piss?

So, I took my suit to the cleaners, who wanted to charge me $15.00 to clean it.  So, I gave my suit to the charity shop next door.  They cleaned it and pressed it and put it in the window.  I bought it back for $4.50.

Ate a weed brownie last night and cooked a pizza at 15 degrees for 400 minutes.

When a woman laughs during an argument, please know that the psycho part of her brain has just been activated.  Abort mission immediately!

And I did it!!!  A full issue.  Not a very original issue, but a full one, none-the-less.  I hope you guys got a bit of a laugh out of it, anyway.  Until next time.  Love and happiness to you all.

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1 Response to Dragon Laffs #2064

  1. jhjoseph says:

    Thanks for making my week with laughter.

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