Dragon Laffs #1971


Good Morning Campers, 

Well here we are, a little closer to the weekend.  A little closer to Christmas.  A little closer to Impish’s surgery.  A little closer to chaos. 

I’m actually working night shift tonight, so I can go in and teach a class to some night shift folks so they don’t have to ruin their schedules and only I have to ruin mine.  I tried to sleep in late today.  Didn’t work out so well.  My stupid internal alarm clock screwed me up and I was trying to wake up at my usual time.  I forced myself to stay in bed for a couple of extra hours, no where near the amount of time I am going to need to stay up to work until 2 or 3 in the morning tonight, but I guess we’ll see how it works out.  If I fall asleep on the way home, you guys will find out by me not posting this issue.  I guess if you are actually reading this, it all worked out since this is Tuesday and it won’t actually post until Thursday and I won’t finish it up until sometime on Wednesday when it will all be over with.  So, what do you say we get this stuff started and get some laughs in before I need to pull myself together and head to work, shall we?

This is from Sasquatch and it is truly as he says. 

This is amazing!

This is a master piece by Vincent Van Gogh….Tap on the photo and click and hold with the mouse and move gently in any direction.

A mindboggling  experience to see this Art work from any angle or perspective that one wishes. Simply Astounding Technology!

https://static.kuula.io/share/79QMS

Relax and  appreciate the finer points of this 360⁰ view of the masterpiece.

https://static.kuula.io/share/79QMS

You’d think there would be an editor, some place who was bright enough to catch that one.

And so ends another week without me becoming unexpectedly rich.

Not in jail, not in a mental hospital, not in a grave — I’d say I’m having a very good day.

The first million people to send me $1 will get a copy of my guide on how to become a Millionaire using Facebook

It’s tough for some of us to get into the Christmas spirit.

I hate telling people I’m a taxidermist.  When they ask what I do everyday, I say, “You know.  Stuff.”

I did some financial planning and it looks like I can retire at 63 and live comfortably for eleven minutes.

Sure!  I’d LOVE to play cowboys and Indians!  (And yes, I know that’s politically incorrect, but so the fuck am I, so it all balances out)

I never thought I’d be the kind of person who’d wake up early in the morning to exercise …

And I was right.

How to scare the hell out of the new generation: 

Put them in a room with a rotary phone, an analog watch, and a TV with no remote.  Then leave them directions on how to use all of the above in cursive.

Then once they escape the room, have their escape vehicle be a manual transmission.

Yup, me too. 

I’ve seen this one before and it’s still just as funny now as it was before.  

Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100% ? We have all been to those meetings where someone asks for a 110% effort. Here’s a little math that might prove helpful. What does it take to give 110% to a project/task/job?
If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26

Then:
H A R  D W  O  R  K
8 1 18 4 23 15 18 11 = 98%

K  N  O  W   L  E D G E
11 14 15 23 12 5 4 7 5 = 96%

But,
A T  T I T  U  D E
1 20 20 9 20 21 4 5 = 100%

And,
B U  L  L S  H I T
2 21 12 12 19 8 9 20 = 103%

So, it stands to reason that hard work and knowledge will get you close, attitude will get you there, but bullshit will put you over the top. And look how far ass kissing will take you…

A  S  S  K  I  S  S I  N  G
1 19 19  11 9 19 19  9 14  7 = 118%

So, when ‘hard work, knowledge, attitude and bullshit fail,’ you know what where to start

When is the Employee Christmas Party for Self-Check Out at Walmart?

Wow!  What a unique and interesting label.

Dear Santa, 

I would like a new birthday suit this year.  My current one is old, wrinkled, and sagging.

“Don’t waste your breath on those who have earned your silence.” ~ Christine Szymanski

I’ve always known that the author of Pearls Before Swine is a genius … and here’s proof!  

“You’re going to come in contact with an awful lot of people who are at their absolute breaking point this week.  Friends, family, co-workers, teachers, strangers in the grocery store, retail workers.  While it may be the merriest time of the year for some, it may be the saddest, most stressful, loneliest, most heartbreaking for others. 

We’re all busy.  But we’re not too busy to be kind, caring, and patient.  Remember the best thing you can give someone this season is love.”

~ Amy Weatherly

True and wonderfully said Ms. Weatherly.  Thank you.

And according to AOC, these smash-and-grab robberies aren’t even taking place.

If you ever feel useless, remember it took 20 years, trillions of dollars, and 4 US Presidents to replace the Taliban with the Taliban.

Just to be perfectly clear, some of the “Old White Men” are the reason that we’re not speaking German or Japanese in America today!

If you hate it, leave it for those of us who love it!  If you hate it, why the fuck are you here?

And why do you still not fucking get it?!

Dinosaurs had no bacon. 

See how that worked out?

Do you know what 50 Cent did when he got hungry? 

58 

Please don’t delete me.

Some things to ponder as we get older

The inventor of the treadmill died at the age of 54   

The inventor of gymnastics died at the age of 57   

The world bodybuilding champion  died at the age of 41  

The best soccer player in the world, Maradona, died at the age of 60   

And then..

KFC inventor died at 94   

Inventor of Nutella brand died at the age of 88   

Cigarette maker Winston died at the age of 102   

The inventor of opium died at the age of 116 in an earthquake    

Hennessy inventor died at 98   

How did doctors come to the conclusion that exercise prolongs life?

The rabbit is always jumping, but it lives for only 2 years. The turtle that doesn’t exercise at all, lives 400 years.

So …

Have a drink …

Take a nap …

And, if you wake up, have bacon & eggs!

I laughed so hard at this.  Christmas Nipples.  At school.  Makes me want to go out and try it myself.

And that’s it for today my friends.  A little closer to surgery.  A little more nervous.  Thank you all for the prayers and well wishes that I am still receiving.  I’ll let you all know and keep you all informed as best as I can.  Love and happiness to you all.

This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Dragon Laffs #1971

  1. Leah D says:

    Yesterday, we woke to 11 inches of snow. Last night, the news said it would get down to 27 degrees. My husband checked, and yes, ours was down to 23.
    I am going to expect your surgery to go very well . . . and hope once again, I get more than what I was expecting.

  2. Stephanie says:

    The painting was tres cool.
    Keeping y’all in prayers.

Leave a Reply to Leah D Cancel reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s