Dear Campers,

Gotta get ready for our annual Linda Foote Dart Tournament tomorrow morning.  Linda was the lady who started our dart league about 30 years ago.  She died of cancer, and every year we raise money for cancer.  I’ll be there from about 8 am till after midnight.  Mrs. Dragon is in the kitchen right now baking brownies, cookies, and all kinds of stuff for donations.

Hopefully we can beat our last year’s total of $3000. 

Hey, if any of you guys want to help us out, just hit the donation button and I’ll make sure it gets added to the total.

But in the meantime….

 

Household hint: Stop dusting, and you can use your coffee table as a message board.

If war breaks out between India and Pakistan, who will answer the phone at the call center?

I heard Bill Clinton might be joining Joe Biden on the campaign trail – it will be called “Our Fondling Fathers.”

A man walks down the street when suddenly he hears a tiny voice above him saying: “If you make one more step, a brick will land on your head and kill you.”

Surprised, the man stops just as a huge brick crashes down right in front of him.

Stunned, he continues on his way, and after a few minutes hears the voice again: “Stop! Don’t cross the road, if you do, the next vehicle will run you over!” The man freezes and again is almost hit by a speeding car.

The man sighs a sigh of relief and asks the air: “Who ARE you?!?”

“I am your guardian angel!” Answers the voice joyfully.

“REALLY??” says the man in sudden anger, “Then where the heck were you when I got MARRIED??”

I miss the 90’s when bread was still good for you and no one knew what Kale was.

I just saw a donkey crossing the road.

Cool thing was, he looked both ways before crossing.

What a smart ass.

Vampires are real!!!  Everyday I meet at least one person who sucks the life out of me.

I did a push-up today.

Well, actually, I fell down.  But, I had to use my arms to get up so… close enough.

“For better digestion – I drink beer.  In the case of appetite loss, I drink white wine.  In the case of low blood pressure, I drink red wine.  In the case of high blood pressure, I drink scotch.  And when I have a cold, I drink schnapps.”

“When do you drink water?”

“I’ve never been that sick.”

AND LET US ASK OURSELVES, “WHAT IS FAIR TO OUR MILITARY VETERANS?”  It is total and complete BULLSHIT the way that our country has treated our Vets who need help.

SOCIAL SECURITY is a mandated retirement program that all of us who work for a living have paid into for many, many years.  What the fuck right do illegal aliens have to money that I fucking worked for??!!  My God, the stupidity and audacity of some people is overwhelming!!  They say that Mrs. Dragon won’t be able to draw Social Security because she got disabled and didn’t work enough years…only about 15 years.  But, she can’t draw disability either because we don’t have enough money to hire a good enough lawyer to fight for it…not really the point…the point is, the illegal aliens didn’t pay ANYTHING into this mandated retirement program and they should be able to draw from it??!!

Now, let us continue.

I’ve found that growing up in the sixties was lots more fun than living in my sixties.

A DAY WITHOUT COFFEE IS LIKE…

Just kidding.  I have no idea.

STRANGER: HOW MUCH FOR THE ANGRY LAWN GNOME?

ME: THAT’S MY TODDLER.

We gotta do some of these….

 

I must apologize for this next one ahead of time…but I just couldn’t resist…

Before my surgery, the anesthetist offered to use gas, or knock me out with a device used to propel a canoe…. It was an ether / oar situation.

I decided to pick up a summer job to try and raise some money to replace this damn laptop…

 

Okay, let’s throw in a bunch of final funnies and call it a day.  I gotta get ready to throw some darts.

Yeah, and?  I don’t see the problem with this.

I think I married her sister once.

And with that I’ll say Cheers until next week.

Love you guys,

Impish Dragon.