Dragon Laffs #1380 (12 Apr 14)


Dragon Laffs 12
Good Morning Campers!

I gotta show you this first guys.  Tom with the Northwest weather sent us another update…

NORTHWEST WEATHER:  Spring has finally arrived! For the weekend we3d expect lows in the upper 40’s and highs in the mid to upper 70’s. Lots of sunshine and little wind. Thank you Mother Nature. The bees are buzzing and birds are singing and blossoms are blooming.

To update the disaster mudslide up north; The latest victim was a 17 year old and he was number 39. We don’t know if all the victims will ever be found.

Also, a gas price update; Today, up to $4.00 per gallon for regular. AN OREGON CHERRY TREE IN BLOOM 

 

That is one great looking tree.  Makes me really think that spring may even show up to Indiana soon!

Hey!  Guess what day it almost is????

Can you guess?

Shall I give you a hint?

Tax day
Yes, it’s almost the dreaded tax day!  April 15th rapidly approaches.  If you haven’t already filed your taxes  than you may not even be reading this.  You’re probably running around, getting receipts, roping up some loopholes and baking cookies for your accountant.  That’s why I file mine just as soon as possible.  I structure my withholdings so that I just about break even or get a small refund.  I don’t try for a high refund like a lot of people do, because I can’t see giving Uncle Sam an interest free loan all year long.  I’d rather pay a couple of bucks at the end of the year and have all my money up front.

But that’s me.

LetsLaugh

An elderly man had a massive stroke and the family drove him to the emergency room.

After a while the ER doctor appeared wearing a long face.  “I’m afraid Grandpa is brain-dead, but his heart is still beating.”

“Oh, Dear God,” cried his wife, “We’ve never had a liberal in the family before!”

 

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A student asked his English professor, “Sir, what is the definition of a ‘dilemma’?”

The professor said, “Well, there’s nothing better than an example to illustrate that.  Imagine that you are laying in bed with a beautiful naked young woman on one side and a gay man on the other side….who are you going to turn your back on?” 

 

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How do you manage to get fired on the first day in a Winnie the Poo costume?

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By putting your costume pants on backwards!

 

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A Child’s Eyesight is Saved by Facebook Picture
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(Memphis) Like most parents, Tara Taylor posted a picture of her 3-year-old daughter Rylee on Facebook to show friends.

She was proud because her daughter had fixed her own hair like a princess.

Taylor had no idea how that picture would end up helping her child.

In the picture Rylee’s left eye was glowing.

While most people would have thought it was caused by the flash, two of Taylor’s friends told her there might be something wrong with her eye.

“They said ‘Hey, I’m sure it’s nothing. It’s probably the lighting, but your daughter’s eye is glowing and you might want to have it checked out because it’s a sign there could be an issue with her eye,’” said Taylor.

Rylee was taken to her pediatrician and later to a retina specialist with Baptist Eye Clinic.

She was diagnosed with Coat’s disease, a rare condition that causes vision loss or blindness in one eye.

Dr. Jorge Calzada with the Charles Retina Institute and Baptist Eye Clinic said the earlier they can treat children, the better.

“The significant problem we have with children is that a child won’t say, ‘Mommy, I can’t see out of my right eye.’ It is usually caught in an expected way. When a child recognizes he cannot see or the parent recognizes they cannot see, it’s often because they’ve lost vision in both eyes,” said Dr. Calzada.

Taylor said she had no indication her daughter was having any trouble seeing.

In fact, she says it was quite the opposite.

“She didn’t sit close to the TV. She is actually in gymnastics and can walk on the balance beam,” said Taylor.

She’s grateful to the friends who pointed out the problem.

Baptist received a $550,000 grant from the Baptist Memorial Health Care foundation to open its ‘state of the art’ eye clinic at the Women’s Hospital.

The eye clinic treats children and even premature babies.

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Fantasy Pic

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Wheats

Okay, so these aren’t Wheats’ Words per se, but Impish Dragons words about something my buddy Wheats did for me.  We were roommates together when we were both stationed at Spangdahlem Air Base in Germany.  We were both in the Munitions Maintenance Squadron (MMS) which doesn’t exist anymore.  We were both Weapons Mechanics (Which of course, also doesn’t exist anymore, they are now called Aircraft Armament Systems Specialists-and yes, the acronym is AASS)  One of the things we have in common is that we loaded a lot of BDUs.  I mean, A LOT of BDUs.  What’s a BDU you may ask?  Well, it stands for Bomb Dummy Unit or Bomb Delivery Unit, depending on who you talk to.  Here’s a picture:
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They weigh 25 lbs. and are about 23 inches from nose to fin.  There were days when I, personally have loaded over 100 of these little guys.  That’s over 1 ton of bombs.  Here’s a REALLY OLD picture of me loading said bombs while stationed at Holloman AFB in New Mexico.
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I know it’s really difficult to see, but that’s me on the left in the white T-shirt.  Anyway, Wheats, in his artistic wonderment, made me a memento of those times we shared (and no, that’s not Wheats on the right) he lathed a BDU out of brass, made it all in detail and in scale, even making the plunger and the lug in the top and then put it in it’s on little case and mailed it to me.  This is like the most incredible piece of military art that I’ve seen.  This is what he sent me:
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Okay, so when I took the picture, it still had a few Styrofoam bits on it.  I had to use a can of compressed air to get it all clean.  But this little BDU is made of brass, is only a couple of inches long and looks way cool.  You kinda have to be a weapons troop yourself to fully appreciate how cool this is, but believe me…it’s WAY COOL!

Thanks Wheats!!!!!

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I think this is a tremendous rule of thumb to use for a multitude of situations.  Anytime the person in question needs to be judged on their ability to assess the real world or their ability to be a self starter or self motivator then the question should be asked, “Did you vote for Obama?”  Yes?  Then I’m sorry.  You can’t have the job, do the job or get the promotion, whatever.

01Dragon coffee 2

My Doctor told me to start killing people.
Well, not in those exact words…
He said I had to reduce the stress in my life.
Same thing really!

 

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01Dragon coffee
The older we get, the more we talk to ourselves.
It doesn’t mean we’re crazy.  We could just care less
what anybody else has to say anymore…

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If it wasn’t for royal-cluster-fucks,
I wouldn’t have any sex life at all!

 

Breaking News!

Okay, so this isn’t really “Breaking” news, since scientists have known about this for quite sometime now, but it is exciting none-the-less…
Total Lunar Eclipse Will Darken The Moon On Tuesday!

The April 15 total lunar eclipse is the first in a four-eclipse cycle called a tetrad.  Contrary to a popular novel out right now, it is NOT a harbinger of the Apocalypse.  total-lunar-eclipse-june-2011-namibia-reserve-tucker-2

Stargazers and lunar fans in the Western Hemisphere will have ringside seats for a total eclipse of the moon during the overnight hours of April 14 and 15.

This spectacle of celestial shadows will be the first of two total lunar eclipses in 2014 that will be visible from North America. Unlike an eclipse of the sun, an eclipse of the moon presents no hazards to the viewer. No precautions to protect the eyes are needed.

For the Western Hemisphere, the eclipse will “officially” begin on April 15 at 12:53 a.m. EDT (0435 GMT), when the moon begins to enter Earth’s outer, or penumbral shadow. But even in clear weather, skywatchers will not notice any changes in the moon’s appearance until about 50 minutes later, when a slight “smudge” or shading starts becoming evident on the left portion of the moon’s disk.

The first definitive change in the moon’s appearance will come on its upper left edge. At 1:58 a.m. EDT (0558 GMT), the partial phase of the eclipse will begin as the Earth’s dark shadow, called the umbra, starts to slowly creep over the face of the full moon.

total-lunar-eclipse-visibility-april-2014This NASA graphic shows where the total lunar eclipse of April 14-15, 2014 will be visible from. The lunar eclipse coincides with April’s full moon and is the first of four total lunar eclipes (a tetrad) between April 2014 and September 2015.

At 3:06 a.m. EDT, the eclipse will reach totality, but sunlight bent by our atmosphere around the curvature of the Earth should produce a coppery glow on the moon. At this time, the moon, if viewed with binoculars or a small telescope, will present the illusion of seemingly glowing from within by its own light.

At 3:46 a.m. EDT, the sun, Earth and moon will be almost exactly in line and the light of the moon will appear at its dimmest. “Totality” ends at 4:24 a.m. EDT, and the moon will completely emerge from the umbra at 5:33 a.m. About 20 minutes later, the last vestige of the fainter penumbral shadow will disappear from the moon’s upper right edge, and the body will return to its normal brilliance.

I am going to try to get up and view and possibly take pictures of the eclipse.  If I do and they come out, I’ll share next week.

3h

Impish Dragon was really drunk and walking along the street one day.

 

He was staggering quite a bit, and made two nuns that were approaching him very nervous.

 

The two nuns split apart — one walked to Impish’s left, one walked to the his right.

 

After the nuns were past him, Impish turned around and said, “Now how in the hell did she do that?”

Mini Dragon Rant

This one is on Obamacare and is done in pictures!  Have fun!
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Praying Dragon

A PRAYER REQUEST

Jeannie, one of our long time readers, frequent contributor, fellow camper and friend of the e-zine has sent us a letter that I truly hopes she doesn’t mind my sharing with you. 

Hi ya,

I’m so so soooo sorry I haven’t been here for a long time.  Please keep my Dad in your prayers.  I don’t think he’s going to make it this time.  He’s been in and out of the hospital and last night we had to call an ambulance again.  He says he wants to die at home.  Mom looks like hell.  Ok, I’m getting ready to go up to the hospital.  Miss you all and I’ll be back later.

Love, Jeannie

Please take a moment in your busy day to offer up a quick prayer for Jeannie, her Dad and her family.  Thank you fellow campers and travelers through this sometimes dark and lonely world.  The path is always easier when you have someone to share the road with.  And that is truly, all we are trying to do with this little publication.

Impish

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I stopped by the Ford Dealership yesterday, for a look at the new F-150 pickup. Just for fun, I took it out for a test drive. I wanted to sense that new “feel” before they become extinct.

The salesman (a man wearing an Obama “change” lapel pin) sat in the passenger seat describing the truck and all its “wonderful”options. The seats were of particular interest. He explained that the seats directed warm air to your butt in the winter and directed cool air to your butt in the summer heat. Feeling like messing with him, I mentioned that this must be a  Republican truck.

Looking a bit angry, he asked why I thought it was a Republican truck. I explained that if it were an Obama truck, the seats would just blow smoke up your ass year-round.

I had to walk back to the dealership.  Damn guy had no sense of humor.

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Public

The National Institutes of Health has just released the results of a $200 million research study completed under a grant to Johns Hopkins.  The new study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.

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Last Word2

Today’s Last Word starts with a really good letter to the editor by Reis R. Kash, to what I am gathering is a well known Liberal newspaper in Eugene, Oregon.

Letter to the Editor: Obama is no ordinary weakling

Those who compare the bare-chested conqueror of the Crimea with the metrosexual ruler of the United States and find our emperor weak to the point of deserving ridicule, miss the essential strength of President Obama.

It’s no ordinary weakling who can turn a once-respected country into an international joke; reduce Congress to a gaggle of sniveling sycophants; turn the world’s finest medical system into a failed third-rate socialist nightmare with a stroke of his pen; shatter our Constitution without attempted recourse by the sons and daughters of frontiersmen and pioneers whose blood was used to write that inspired document; and turn the people of our once-united states into a herd of competing minorities who, like suckling pigs, are each afraid to lose his place on the government teat should he raise his voice to protest the ruin of our country.

So don’t denigrate the nonentity ruler who has overcome his uncertain ancestry and ludicrous incompetence to do what no other king or dictator has been able to do in our 237-year history: He has destroyed America.

Reis R. Kash

Springfield, OR

Bravo!  Mr. Kash, Bravo!

And to wrap up today’s issue, this one from our own Diaman:

Welcome to 2014:

 

• Our Phones   – Wireless
• Cooking         – Fireless
• Cars              – Keyless
• Food              – Fatless
• Tires              –Tubeless
• Dress             – Sleeveless
• Youth             – Jobless
• Leaders         – Shameless
• Relationships – Meaningless
• Attitudes         – Careless
• Babies            – Fatherless
• Feelings         – Heartless
• Education       – Valueless
• Children         – Mannerless
• Country          – Godless

 

We are SPEECHLESS,

Congress is CLUELESS,

and our President is WORTHLESS !

GOD HELP US !

Cheers2

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