Dragon Laffs #1270


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Adult-Content-1_thumb1_thumb_thumb_tGood Morning Campers!

Lots and lots of stuff to get into today, very little time to open it up, so let’s get right to the notices and highlights.

I’m working this weekend and I’m out of town again next week.  Unlike the last time, when I went to a class and had some spare time to get Dragon Laffs out, this time I’m going to The Emergency Management Institute in Emmitsburg, Maryland for a conference and not only will  I not be able to give you updates, I’m not even taking my laptop because of the outrageous money they want at the hotel for internet connectivity.  So, odds are the updates you get will be through our wonderful Leprechaun and it’s pretty doubtful that I will have an issue out next Saturday.

I know, I know.  But, I don’t want any of you doing any excessive drinking or crying because of it.  (And for you Leprechauns out there…oh?  There’s only the one?  Okay then) I also don’t want any excessive partying or celebrating! 

I’ll try and forward you guys some pictures and stuff this week while I’m gone.  I’m hoping against hope that I can scrape a little bit of time to go see Gettysburg, PA since I’ve never been there and it’s all of like 10 miles down the road.

Okay, enough about that, let’s get this laughter going!

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British Prime Minister David Cameron called out the army to
break the strike by oil tanker drivers. It has pushed gas
prices to ten dollars a gallon in Britain. Last night Queen
Elizabeth made her husband take the horse-drawn carriage
to the 7-Eleven to get the gin.
Bill Clinton said he would be supportive if Hillary ran for President
in 2016. Is anyone surprised? It would entail a lot of time on the
road away from home…
Production will begin this September on a sequel to “Dumb and
Dumber.” The movie is again expected to star Jim Carrey and
Jeff Daniels. Either that or it will be a documentary about
the GOP Presidential Primaries.

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From our friends at makeuseof.com
http://www.makeuseof.com/tech-fun/this-is-how-i-play-skyrim/

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Excellent OP-Ed from the  Washington Times………especially the last  line.

 

           BRUTAL WEEK FOR OBAMA…………
ANALYSIS/OPINION:
              The past seven brutal days will go down  as one of the worst weeks in history for a sitting president. It certainly  has been, without any doubt, the worst week yet for President  Obama.
  Somehow, Mr. Obama managed to embarrass  himself abroad, humiliate himself here at home, see his credentials for  being elected so severely undermined that it raises startling questions  about whether he should have been elected in the first place — let alone  be re-elected later this year.Consider:
• Last Friday, Mr. Obama wandered into  the killing of Trayvon Martin. Aided by his ignorance of the situation,  knee-jerk prejudices and tendency toward racial profiling, Mr. Obama  played a heavy hand in elevating a tragic situation in which a teenager  was killed into a full-blown hot race fight.
  Americans, he admonished, need to do  some “soul-searching.” And then, utterly inexplicably, he veered off into  this bizarre tangent about how he and the poor dead kid look so much alike  they could be father and son. It was election-year race-pandering gone  horribly wrong.
  • By the start of this week, Mr. Obama  had fled town and was racing to the other side of the planet just as the  Supreme Court was taking up the potentially-embarrassing matter of  Obamacare. While in South Korea he was caught on a hidden mic negotiating  with the president of our longest-standing rival on how to sell America  and her allies down the river once he gets past the next  election.
  • Meanwhile, back at home, the Supreme  Court took up the single most important achievement of Mr. Obama’s  presidency and, boy, was it embarrassing. The great constitutional law  professor, it turns out, may not quite be the wizard he told us he  was.
  By most accounts, Mr. Obama and his  stuttering lawyers were all but laughed out of the courthouse. They were  even stumbling over softball questions lobbed by Mr. Obama’s own  hand-picked justices.
  • Mr. Obama closed his week pulling off  a nearly unimaginable feat: He managed to totally and completely unify the  nastily-fighting Democrats and Republicans in Congress. Late Wednesday  night, they unanimously voted — 414 to zip — to reject the budget Mr.  Obama had presented, leaving him not even a thin lily’s blade to hide  behind.
  So, in one week, Mr. Obama got caught  whispering promises to our enemy, incited a race war, raised serious  questions about his understanding of the Constitution, and then got  smacked down over his proposed budget that was so wildly reckless that  even Democrats in Congress could not support it.
  It was as if you lumped Hurricane  Katrina and the Abu Ghraib abuses into one week for George W. Bush. And  added on top of that the time he oddly groped German Chancellor Angela  Merkel and got caught cursing on a hot mic.
  Even then, it wouldn’t be as bad as Mr.  Obama’s week. You would probably also have to toss in the time Mr. Bush’s  father threw up into the lap of Japan’s prime minister. Only then might we  be approaching how bad a week it was for Mr. Obama.
  Not that you will see any trace of  embarrassment in the face of Mr. Obama. He has mastered the high political  art of shamelessness, wearing it smugly and cockily. Kind of like a  hoodie.

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I was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair but, by turning to religion, I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing. I converted to Islam, and we’re stoning her in the morning!
 
The ex-wife suggested I get myself one of those penis enlargers, so I did …. she’s 21….and her name’s Lucy.
  
Just been to the gym. They’ve got a new machine in. Could only use it for half an hour, as I started to feel sick. It’s great though. It provides me with everything I need – KitKats, Mars Bars, Snickers, Potato Chips….”
 
Question – Are there too many immigrants in Texas ? 17% said yes; 11% said No; 72% said, “no comprendo.”
 
The cost of living has now gotten so bad that my wife is having sex with me because she can’t afford batteries.
 
A man calls 911 and says “I think my wife is dead”. The operator says, “How do you know?” He says “The sex is about the same, but the ironing is piling up!”
 
My wife has been missing a week now. The police said to prepare for the worst. So, I had to go down to Goodwill to get all of her clothes back.
 
I’ve heard that Apple has scrapped their plans for the new children’s-oriented iPod after realizing that “iTouch Kids” is not a good product name.
 
There’s a new Muslim clothing shop that opened in our shopping center, but they threw me out after I asked if I could look at some of the bomber jackets.
 
The Red Cross just knocked on my door and asked if we could contribute towards the floods in Pakistan . I said we’d love to, but our garden hose only reaches to the driveway.

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This is some cat!

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This is great fun!

A Dramatic Surprise on a Quiet Square

To launch the high quality TV channel TNT in Belgium we placed a big red push button on an average Flemish square of an average Flemish town. A sign with the text “Push to add drama” invited people to use the button. And then we waited… Discover here what happened

 

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Ask

We recently received this letter:
Hi guys.  I wonder if either of you can explain to me what REALLY happened with this following article I read.  I just KNOW that one, or the other or both of you were involved.
Signed,
Really Curious
The movie poster for the 1977 Steven Spielberg film, "Close Encounters of the Third Kind."

It’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s … a whale of a tale!

A state trooper and a motorist reported a large object falling out of the sky in Litchfield, Conn. — a green, glowing, whale-sized object that plunged into Litchfield Lake. State authorities said no go; they failed to locate anything mysterious.

The Republican-American of Waterbury reports that a person driving in Litchfield at about 2 a.m. Tuesday reported that an object the size of a whale fell from the sky and crashed into Bantam Lake. Officials say that at about the same time, a state trooper 10 miles away in Warren called dispatchers to report that something fell out of the sky and landed near Bantam or Morris.

Morris fighters made several passes up and down the lake in a boat looking for a possible plane crash, but didn’t find any debris.

Authorities called off the search, leaving the mystery unsolved.

But science may have the answer: According to the National Weather Service, there was a meteor shower that morning, WTNH.com reported.

Perhaps the whale-sized object was simply a meteor?

Our dear Lethal Leprechaun responds:1c

Geeze! Can’t a leprechaun use one of Lucky’s marshmallow shooting stars for a wee visit home w/o a row & a ruckas over where he chooses ta park the bloody thing?
Well, all of us here at Dragon and Leprechaun Laffs Limited thought that was the end of it, and then, in the mail, we get a message from Lethal’s disgraced cousin Marvin. (Related by Greenness)
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Well Curious, so now we have both of them claiming responsibility for this UFO.  I’m not sure who to believe, but I would pretty much bet that we haven’t heard the last of this…

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Thanks to K² for sharing this touching story with us.  Makes me want to go out and find a biography on John to see what he has to say about his dear wife:

A true inspirational story I had never heard.  This couple is made from the “right stuff.”

For  half a century, the world has applauded John Glenn as a heart-stirring American  hero. He lifted the nation’s spirits when, as one of the original Mercury 7  astronauts, he was blasted alone into orbit around the Earth; the enduring  affection for him is so powerful that even now people find themselves misting up  at the sight of his face or the sound of his voice.

But for all these  years, Glenn has had a hero of his own, someone who he has seen display endless  courage of a different kind:

Annie Glenn.

They have been married  for 68 years.

He is 90; she turned 92 on Friday.

This weekend  there has been news coverage of the 50th anniversary of Glenn’s flight into  orbit. We are being reminded that, half a century down the line, he remains  America’s unforgettable hero.

He has never really bought that.

Because the heroism he most cherishes is of a sort that is seldom  cheered. It belongs to the person he has known longer than he has known anyone  else in the world.

John Glenn and Annie Castor first knew each other  when — literally — they shared a playpen.

In New Concord, Ohio, his  parents and hers were friends. When the families got together, their children  played.

John — the future Marine fighter pilot, the future test-pilot  ace, the future astronaut — was pure gold from the start. He would end up  having what it took to rise to the absolute pinnacle of American regard during  the space race; imagine what it meant to be the young John Glenn in the small  confines of New Concord.

Three-sport varsity athlete, most admired boy  in town, Mr. Everything.

Annie Castor was bright, was caring, was  talented, was generous of spirit. But she could talk only with the most  excruciating of difficulty. It haunted her.

Her stuttering was so severe  that it was categorized as an “85%” disability — 85% of the time, she could not  manage to make words come out.

When she tried to recite a poem in  elementary school, she was laughed at. She was not able to speak on the  telephone. She could not have a regular conversation with a friend.

And  John Glenn loved her.

Even as a boy he was wise enough to understand  that people who could not see past her stutter were missing out on knowing a  rare and wonderful girl.

They married on April 6, 1943. As a military  wife, she found that life as she and John moved around the country could be  quite hurtful. She has written: “I can remember some very painful experiences —  especially the ridicule.”

In department stores, she would wander  unfamiliar aisles trying to find the right section, embarrassed to attempt to  ask the salesclerks for help. In taxis, she would have to write requests to the  driver, because she couldn’t speak the destination out loud. In restaurants, she  would point to the items on the menu.

A fine musician, Annie, in every  community where she and John moved, would play the organ in church as a way to  make new friends. She and John had two children; she has written: “Can you  imagine living in the modern world and being afraid to use the telephone?  ‘Hello’ used to be so hard for me to say. I worried that my children would be  injured and need a doctor. Could I somehow find the words to get the information  across on the phone?”

John, as a Marine aviator, flew 59 combat missions  in World War II and 90 during the Korean War. Every time he was deployed, he and  Annie said goodbye the same way. His last words to her before leaving were:

“I’m just going down to the corner store to get a pack of gum.”

And, with just the two of them there, she was able to always reply:

“Don’t be long.”

On that February day in 1962 when the world  held its breath and the Atlas rocket was about to propel him toward space, those  were their words, once again. And in 1998, when, at 77, he went back to space  aboard the shuttle Discovery, it was an understandably tense time for them. What  if something happened to end their life together?

She knew what he would  say to her before boarding the shuttle. He did — and this time he gave her a  present to hold onto:

A pack of gum.

She carried it in a pocket  next to her heart until he was safely home.

Many times in her life she  attempted various treatments to cure her stutter. None worked.

But in  1973, she found a doctor in Virginia who ran an intensive program she and John  hoped would help her. She traveled there to enroll and to give it her best  effort. The miracle she and John had always waited for at last, as miracles will  do, arrived. At age 53, she was able to talk fluidly, and not in brief,  anxiety-ridden, agonizing bursts.

John has said that on the first day he  heard her speak to him with confidence and clarity, he dropped to his knees to  offer a prayer of gratitude.

He has written: “I saw Annie’s perseverance  and strength through the years and it just made me admire her and love her even  more.” He has heard roaring ovations in countries around the globe for his own  valor, but his awe is reserved for Annie, and what she accomplished: “I don’t  know if I would have had the courage.”

Her voice is so clear and steady  now that she regularly gives public talks. If you are lucky enough to know the  Glenns, the sight and sound of them bantering and joking with each other and  playfully finishing each others’ sentences is something that warms you and makes  you thankful just to be in the same room.

Monday will be the anniversary  of the Mercury space shot, and once again people will remember, and will speak  of the heroism of Glenn the astronaut.

But if you ever find yourself at  an event where the Glenns are appearing, and you want to see someone so brimming  with pride and love that you may feel your own tears start to well up, wait  until the moment that Annie stands to say a few words to the audience.

And as she begins, take a look at her husband’s  eyes.

 

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Enjoy Panoramic Views

…click on any one place and enjoy.. …. what a wonderful way to tour the world from your computer chair or laptop-


 Miami, USA   •   Las Vegas, USA   •   Lake Powell, USA   •   Manhattan, New York, USA   •   Golden Gate Bridge, San Francisco, USA         •   Millennium

UN Plaza Hotel, New York, USA   •   Oahu, Hawaii, USA   •   Las Vegas, Nevada, USA   •   Millennium UN Plaza Hotel, New York, USA   •   Golden Gate Bridge, USA         •   Statue of Liberty, New York, USA   •   Manhattan, New York, USA   •   Hollywood, California, USA   •   San Juan and Colorado rivers, USA   •   Goosenecks, Utah, USA   •   Mono Lake, California, USA   •   Millennium UN Plaza Hotel, New York, USA   •  Chicago, Illinois, USA   •   Los Angeles, California, USA   •   Kiev, Ukraine   •   Ay-Petri, Ukraine   •   Dubai, UAE   •   Dubai, Islands, UAE   •   Palm Jumeirah, Dubai, UAE   •   Bangkok, Thailand   •   Sankt-Moritz, Switzerland   •   Cape Good Hope, South Africa   •   Cape-Town, South Africa   •   Moscow, MSU, Russia   •   Moscow, Kremlin, Bolotnaya Square , Russia         •   Moscow, Russia   •   Moscow Kremlin, Russia   •   55.748765;37.540841, Russia   •   Moscow City, Russia   •   Kremlin, Moscow, Russia   •   Moscow City, Russia   •   Trinity Lavra of Sait Sergius, Russia   •   Saint-Petersburg, Russia  •   New        Jerusalem Monastery, Russia   •   Saint Petersburg, Russia   •   Novodevichy Convent. Moscow, Russia   •   Ramenki,Moscow, Russia   •   MKAD, Moscow, Russia   •   Moscow, Russia   •  Moscow, Russia   •   Krokus Expo Center, Moscow, Russia   •   Moscow Region, Russia   •   Moeraki Boulders, New Zealand   •   Fiordland, New Zealand   •   Nepal, Nepal   •   Maldives, Maldives   •  Kuala-Lumpur, Malaysia   •   Grimsvotn, Iceland   •   Amsterdam, Holland   •   Neuschwanstein Castle, Germany   •   Egyptian Pyramids, Egypt   •   Hong Kong, China   •   The Iguassu Falls, Brazil   •  Twelve Apostles Marine National Park, Australia   •   Sydney, Australia   •   Buenos Aires, Argentina   •

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Falling Rocks

Finally

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Tax Deadline can be deadly on U.S. highways…

CHICAGO (AP) — The two certainties in life — death and taxes — may be more intertwined than Ben Franklin ever imagined: A study found that deadly auto accidents increase on Tax Day.

Drivers recklessly racing to the post office to meet the deadline might be one reason. Or it could be that stressing over taxes distracts motorists and contributes to human error, researchers said.

They looked at 30 years of data and found 6,783 traffic-related deaths on Tax Day, or 226 per day. That compares with 213 per day on one day a week before the deadline day and another day a week after.

Drivers were slightly less likely than passengers and pedestrians to be killed.

The traffic death rate on Tax Day — which usually falls on April 15 — was 6 percent higher than on other April days. That doesn’t sound like a lot, but lead author Dr. Donald Redelmeier said it means an average of about 13 extra deaths per day and amounts to about $40 million in annual losses to society.

That estimate includes loss of life, injury and property damage costs, said Redelmeier, a physician and researcher at the University of Toronto.

The researchers analyzed data from the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration. The results appear in Wednesday’s Journal of the American Medical Association.

Russ Rader, a spokesman for the Insurance Institute for Highway Safety, said having more motorists on the road and drivers taking routes that are not in their everyday routines might make Tax Day riskier. Other research has said those factors, and sometimes alcohol use, may contribute to increases in traffic deaths on other days, including Super Bowl Sunday, July 4 and Election Day.

Rader says studies have shown that drivers are safest on routes they know the best — for example, commuting to work or taking the kids to school. Risk increases when routes vary — like driving to the post office to mail tax returns.

The nonprofit group is funded by car insurance companies and studies ways to reduce car crashes.

Dr. Mark Nunnally, an associate professor at the University of Chicago who studies patient safety, said while it might make sense to conclude that drivers are more distracted on Tax Day, that is just speculation. Reasons for the increases seen in the study are unknown, he said.

Redelmeier, a Canadian, said he studied the United States because the American tax code is so complicated, and probably more stressful for taxpayers, than in other countries.

The study examined data from 1980 to 2009. Electronic tax filing started in 1986 and become increasingly popular during the study period. But it appeared to have no effect on Tax Day deaths, which also increased, Redelmeier said.

Last year, about three-fourths of the 145 million individual returns were filed electronically. Eventually, everyone will likely file online.

Redelmeier said filing electronically can be stressful, too, and it might even encourage people to wait until the last minute to do their returns. For those reasons, he said it’s unlikely universal e-filing will result in fewer Tax Day deaths.

A spokeswoman for the Internal Revenue Service declined to comment on the study.

This year, the IRS has postponed the deadline by two days, to April 17. That’s because April 15 is a Sunday and the next day is Emancipation Day — a public holiday observed in Washington, D.C.

Canada’s tax deadline day is April 30. Redelmeier said his own tax returns “are not quite ready,” and added with a laugh, “It’s caused some friction in the house.”

The Canadian Institutes of Health Research helped pay for the study.

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Things that just don’t make sense….

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No one has been able to explain to me why young men and women serve in the U.S. Military for 20 years, risking their lives protecting freedom, and only get 50% of their pay. While Politicians hold their political positions in the safe confines of the capital, protected by these same men and women, and receive full pay retirement after serving one term. It just does not make any sense.
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Top 10 “Old Wife’s Tales” that just ain’t so!


At some point in your life, you’ve likely heard an old wives’ tale listed below. Perhaps it was a grandparent, your uncle, mother or wife who imparted the knowledge. While their intentions are good, one thing is certain – their claim(s) are bogus.

Today we list the top 10 most common inaccurate old wives’ tales.

Number 10: Chocolate Causes Acne

chocolate acne

The real cause of acne is a buildup of dead skin cells within the skin’s pores, excess of oil on the skin, and a buildup of bacteria. None of these factors are triggered by, or related to, the kinds of foods a person eats.

It is also worth noting that consumption of greasy foods does not cause your skin to produce more oil. Greasy foods, while not particularly healthy, won’t cause oily skin and/or produce pimples. The biggest factor in skin oil production is hormonal changes within a person’s body.

Number 9: Carrots Improve your Vision

carrot vision

While carrots are a good source of vitamin A, carrots do not improve vision. The myth largely began as allied propaganda during WW2 when deliberate rumors were spread that British pilots had excellent night vision thanks to eating carrots. A myth which was started on purpose to stop the Nazis from discovering that the British were using a new invention – radar.

Carrots contain vitamin A which is good for a person’s eyes, eating a bunch of them will do nothing to improve your vision or night-vision.

Number 8: Catching a Cold

catch a cold

While flu and colds are more prevalent during the winter months, it’s a complete myth that it has something to do with actual temperature or being out in the cold.

According to the American Lung Association®, infections persist because it’s the time of year when viruses usually spread across the country. This is thanks to more people staying indoors and are in closer contact with each other and their germs/viruses.

(Thank goodness there’s no picture for this one!) hahaha….
Number 7: Masturbation Causes Blindness

This one is absolutely a myth. You can also include variations like; masturbation will cause someone to be impotent later in life; leads to mental illness; or will cause a person to grow hair on the palms of your hands. These old wives’ tales have been debunked many times but they seem to have a life of their own and crop up again and again in popular culture.

The myth likely was spread in order to prevent children and young adults from masturbating for religious reasons.

Number 6: Cracking Knuckles Leads To Arthritis

knuckles arthritis

There is no scientific evidence, study or proof that cracking your knuckles leads to arthritis – there are however, suggestions that it can lead to other issues with the knuckles later in life.

We recently did an article about this topic. You can read it here.

 

 

Number 5: Feed a Fever Starve a Cold?

feed a fever

Starving oneself never the correct answer. Trying to starve yourself, or limit your nutritional intake, will put added stress on your body at a time when your body is already stressed.

It is believed that the tale originated from a lack of understanding of the disease process. At the time, people believed there were two kinds of illnesses – those caused by low temp (chills and colds) and those caused by high temperatures (fevers). If you had a fever, you didn’t want your body to overheat, so you cut off the source of fuel (food). If you had a chill or were cold, you wanted to stoke the interior fires, so you ate.

 

Number 4: TV Will Harm Eyesight

close to TV

This myth persists because back in the 60s, GE introduced new color TV sets that emitted incredibly high amounts of radiation — some as much as 100,000x more than federal health officials considered safe.

General electric quickly recalled and fixed the faulty TV sets, but the urban legend lingers on to this day.

The same is also true for reading in dim light or in darkness – neither harms eyesight.

Number 3: Spicy Food Causes Ulcers

spicy food ulcer
In the 50′s and 60′s, doctors thought that spicy food caused ulcers and as a result put people on bland diets. However, in the early 80′s, researchers discovered that spicy food wasn’t causing ulcers, though they can still irritate existing ones.

That burning sensation in your stomach could be an ulcer, but it wasn’t caused by your consumption of Indian food. It’s also possible that a person could simply be allergic or overly sensitive to something in the curry, or that you have acid reflux.

Number 2: Don’t Eat Before Swimming

swimming eating

It’s actually probably better to eat before you swim because eating supplies us with energy.

Many professional swimmers are lean and don’t have a lot of body fat to burn away, which means that they need to stay fueled for a swim. They do this by eating a short time before a swim. The myth probably began by people overeating and feeling the effects of overeating.


Number 1: Toads Can Cause Warts

toad warts
In the old days, no one knew about viruses. Thanks to ignorance, folk beliefs popped up to explain the sudden appearance of warts on healthy individuals. A child who developed a wart on his or her hands was said to have handled a toad or was urinated on by a toad. It was believed that a toad could pass its bumps off to a person. It was also claimed that a person could get warts by washing their hands in water that had been used to boil eggs.

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Anyone want to take a shot at explaining this one?!
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Why is “Chinese” listed?! 

And with this list, what could possibly be “other”??!!

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3 Responses to Dragon Laffs #1270

  1. lethalleprechaun says:

    Marvin is a distant & disgraced relative who was basically exiled to Mars for sellig the family shares in a green moon cheese company to finance his “Illudium Q-36 Explosive Space Modulator” (a prototype of which was responsible for Apollo 13 in an attempt to cover up the fact there was no green cheese on the moon which was basically was the preverbal straw that broke the unicorn’s back).

    His ‘Flying Saucer is one man,( ok one EXILED Leprechaun) the size of a Mini Cooper and leaks more glink oil than it uses. Unless a galactic towing our hauling service threw him and his “falling Saucer” out an airlock for nonpayment there is NO WAY he flew that heap here from the Moon let alone Mars!

    He’s just still mad because I blew the whistle on his Marvin’s Moon Cheese scam, raided his accounts before he could move his funds to the mortal realm and pointed the finger over the Apollo thing in his direction. He also will never forgive that it was my drunk on fae wine joke about green men, moon cheese and Mars at my thank you dinner with King Brian that got him sent there.

    I’ve even heard talk he was behind the problem we had several years ago with Baccus and the wine cellar when you were on TAD geting your “big one” Impish remember?

  2. lethalleprechaun says:

    I THOUGHT I retired. Turns out I just turned in a Commanding Officer for a Commanding Wife and went from the Marine Corps to the Honey-Do Husband Horde. Couple that with my part time business and I work more now than before I retired!

  3. kelevadom says:

    Don’t ‘cha’ just hate it when work interferes with pleasure? I did so I retired. Need to get your priorities straight. LOL!
    HUGS,
    toni

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