Ugh! Monday again right? Damn I ran out of time zones too soon. Dragon Laffs is just going to have to either buy a corporate jet that can fly around the world with refueling or have the G-5 rigged for mid air refueling and buy a KC-135 tanker. All this having to land for fuel is wasting valuable weekend prolonging flight time!

That’s my theory and I’m sticking to it. Now lets get to the laughing before the horrible realities of the beginning of the week find us and suck all the happiness out of us for another week!

Holy Mother of Juan Valdez and all beans Columbian!

I’ve died and gone to coffee heaven!

Praise the Lord and pass the cream!

Taking a break from self-immolating in television interviews, former TV star
Chuck E. Sheen is currently appearing live in person in his “Torpedo of Truth” tour.

The Top 5 Better Names for Charlie Sheen’s Tour (Part I)

5> Chuck Fully Nuts
4> The Out-of-Your-Mind-a Monologues
3> Bask in the Glory of My Me-ness!
2> Sheen On, You Crazy Demon

and The Number 1 Better Name for Charlie Sheen’s Tour…

1> Marblequest

          [ Copyright 2011 by Chris White/TopFive.com ]

The Top 5 Better Names for Charlie Sheen’s Tour (Part II)

5> Binge There, Done That

4> Sheen-Rage Wasteland

3> If I Collapse on Stage, NO REFUNDS!

2> The “Hot Shots! Part Douche” Tour

and The Number 1 Better Name for Charlie Sheen’s Tour…

1> Sex, Drugs and… Well, That’s About It, Actually

          [ Copyright 2011 by Chris White/TopFive.com ]

Pink Lemonade Layer Cake

It’s a great cake not too sweet has a nice tangy taste and a look of spring it’s a cake perfect for Easter too!

Recipe courtesy Paula Deen

Prep Time: 25 min Inactive Prep Time:10 min

Cook Time: 33 min  Level: Easy

Serves: 10 to 12 servings

Ingredients

• 1 cup (2 sticks) unsalted butter, softened, plus more, for coating pans
• 1 (18 1/4-ounce) box white cake mix
• 1 teaspoon finely grated lemon zest
• 2 teaspoons vanilla extract
• 3 tablespoons sweetened pink lemonade drink powder
• 1 pound confectioners’ sugar
• 5 tablespoons frozen pink lemonade concentrate
• 1 teaspoon vanilla
• 1 teaspoon finely grated lemon zest

Directions

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Butter 2 (8-inch) round cake pans and line the bottoms with parchment paper or waxed paper.

Prepare the cake batter according to the package directions. To the batter, stir in the lemon zest, vanilla, and pink lemonade powder. Pour the batter evenly into the prepared pans. Bake until golden and a toothpick inserted into the center of the cake comes out clean, 30 to 35 minutes. Let the cakes cool in the pans for 10 minutes. Carefully turn the cakes out onto a wire rack to cool completely.

While the cake is baking, prepare the frosting by beating together the confectioners’ sugar and remaining 1 cup butter until fluffy. Beat in the remaining frosting ingredients until combined.

Transfer one cake to a cake stand or large platter. Using an offset spatula, spread the top of the cake with a layer of frosting. Place the second cake on top of the first. Spread the remaining frosting over the top and sides of both layers.

Hells, yeah,  you KNOW I’m gonna sniff dat wiff my cold, wet nose!!

Another 25 Laws That Prove The World Really Is Nuts

Without further-a-do, here’s another twenty-five laws that prove the world really is nuts.

In Alabama , it is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while driving a vehicle.

Well that’s just silly! I mean how could he possibly drink, eat, text and drive at the same time if he was blind folded?

In San Salvador , drunk drivers can be punished by death before a firing squad.

Humm you know those Salvadorians just MIGHT be on to something there!

In Switzerland , it is illegal for a man to relieve himself while standing up after 10pm.

Unless he’s wearing night vision goggles to assist him with his aim? Or does the bathroom have to be equipped with a life preserver incase his wife falls in when he leaves the seat up?

In Jidda , Saudi Arabia , women were banned from using hotel swimming pools in 1979.

Burkas were clogging the pool filters and soaking up all the pool water probably

In France , it is against the law to sell an “E.T” doll. They have a law forbidding the sale of dolls that do not have human faces.

They’re just afraid of surrendering to and co-operating with a non human looking extra terrestrial again! YES AGAIN! Did Hitler look human with that haircut and mustache?

In Pennsylvania , it’s against the law to tie a dollar bill on a string on the ground and pull it away when someone tries to pick it up.

Ok so no trolling for politicians in Pennsylvania got it

In Florida , unmarried women who parachute on Sundays can be jailed.

My guess is it’s a religious thing. They want all heads bowed in prayer now searching the heavens for female skydivers who forgot to wear panties under their skirts and shorts.

In Kentucky , it is illegal to carry a concealed weapon more than six-feet long.

Tactically speaking this law makes a great deal of sense since its nearly impossible to draw and deploy a 6 foot concealed weapon with any appreciable speed

In California it is illegal for a vehicle without a driver to exceed 60 miles per hour.

Well again I have to say that makes perfect sense. I mean if there is no driver who does CHP pull over and write the ticket for?

In Devon , Texas , it is against the law to make furniture while you are nude.

See there was this woodworker who’s wife was a politician and they were both nudists on the weekend. He had an ugly accident running into a disk sander and lost 3 inches…..

In Salt Lake County , Utah , it’s illegal to walk down the street carrying a violin in a paper bag.

My guess: Too many people in SLC were using their violin cases to carry Thompson Machine Guns so they enacted a law. Violin in the case, machine gun in paper or plastic.

In the city of York , England , it is legal to murder a Scotsman within the ancient city walls, but only if he is carrying a bow and arrow.

See now here is a CLEAR example of what happens when laws have to pass through committees and how they get fouled up from the original intent. ORIGONALLY the proposed law read it was ok to kill a Scotsman with in the city walls if he was carrying a set of bagpipes or a tune!

In France , it is forbidden to call a pig Napoleon.

It’s good to see France at least has stringent animal cruelty laws

In Ohio , it is against state law to get a fish drunk.

OK I admit it I came back to this one seven times. I still got nothing. Apparently some things DO defy commenting on.

In the UK , a pregnant woman can legally relieve herself anywhere she wants – even, if she so requests, in a policeman’s helmet.

Well those helmets DO look a bit like chamber pots!

In Bozeman , Montana , a law prohibits all sexual activity from the front yard of a home after sundown.

So grab her in the front, but poke her in the rear got it.

In Vermont , women must obtain written permission from their husbands to wear false teeth.

Actually I DID have a comment for this one but I think it probably well exceeds our rating standards. Let me just say from what I’ve heard little blue pills and dentures don’t mix well.

Under the UK ’s Tax Avoidance Schemes Regulations 2006, it is illegal not to tell the taxman anything you don’t want him to know, though you don’t have to tell him anything you don’t mind him knowing.

Yup no pesky rules about not incriminating yourself in the U.K. In fact, they made it a crime NOT to incriminate yourself! I say lets try this one out to the Royals and the Lords and politicians first!

In Calgary Alberta , there is still a by-law that requires businesses within the city to provide rails for tying up horses.

If you’ve ever seen some of the women in Calgary Alberta this makes perfect sense.

In Samoa , it’s a crime to forget your own wife’s birthday.

Hell that’s been a crime for as long as there have been wives. The only thing new here is that wives needed a law to take care of punishing husbands for doing it!

In Tennessee , you are breaking the law if you drive while sleeping.

Ummm so in Tennessee its ok to sleep with your sister but not while driving. Must have something to do with their priorities

In Louisiana , biting someone with your natural teeth is considered “simple assault,” but biting someone with your dentures is “aggravated assault.”

Of course! The are not a body part, they are purchased and therefore a weapon. Wonder what they charge you with if you remove them and gum someone to death instead of biting them?

In San Francisco , it’s illegal to pile horse manure more than six feet high on a street corner.

That begs the pondering of the question: Does someone go around measuring all the really tall politicians, pimps, drug dealers and lawyers on street corners to see if they exceed six feet tall?

In Fairbanks , Alaska a law in does not allow moose to have sex on city streets.

Umm…I for one am interested is seeing the arrest procedure for illegally copulating moose couples. Particularly the handcuffing them and getting them in the back of the cruiser parts. One can only hope COPS will film there soon and catch this happening

In New Jersey , it is illegal to slurp soup.

Clams & Oysters ( the mollusks not the kevtching Jewish kind) and Jersey shore girls you can slurp, just not your Pasta e Fagioli or Italian Wedding soup!

I received this from several sources and could not be happier or prouder to post it. Let me just say it is high time and well over due. I should also say that I am disappointed that this is not a joint resolution by both Houses of Congress and the House of Representatives should be ashamed of that fact.

Senate declares March 30th Welcome Home Vietnam Vets Day, – Patriot Action Network  

Be sure and click on the link after it says “WELCOME HOME VIETNAM VETS”.

And it’s about damn time !!!!!

Thanks to MikeR. for the tribute links.

YouTube – Vietnam Veterans remembered Born In The USA

YouTube – Vietnam Song With Lyrics

To all you ‘Nam Vets out there Semper Fi! and I salute you and your service! This is LONG over due and certainly your hard earned right.

To the rest of you~ Get out there on Wednesday, find a Viet Nam Vet and thank him for his service! Further make it a personal point to see the disrespect done to these men is NEVER done to another US service person ever again.

Finally while thanking the living leave us not forget those who never came back…the MIAs as well.