Good morning, campers,

While you are reading this I am in the middle of my motorcycle safety course, so please keep me in your prayers.  I’m a little nervous.  I rode to work today. Left at the earliest possible time I was allowed, by law to leave…30 minutes prior to sunrise. It was still dark when I got to work. And it was COLD out.

But I did okay. It was a little windy on the highway.

Anyway, I don’t have a lot of time to finish this for you guys, so let’s get to the good stuff…

Boy, ain’t that the truth!

A college senior took his new girlfriend to a football game. The young couple found seats in the crowded stadium and were watching the action. A substitute was put into the game, and as he was running onto the field to take his position, the boy said to his girlfriend, “Take a good look at that fellow. I expect him to be our best man next year.”

His girlfriend snuggled closer to him and said, “That’s the strangest way I ever heard of for a fellow to propose to a girl, but I’ll take it!”

Did you hear about the man that was arrested at the board game shop?
Apparently, he walked in and said he was looking for trouble.

Okay, this one is long, but it is well worth the read…

I got this one …

And then I got this one from the same person…

So…I’m not sure if I’m legally obligated to send the second one or not or whether it’s an explanation when, obviously, one is not needed. But I thought I’d give you a little behind-the-scenes of what I get to go through.

Me too!

It’s okay if you have no idea what “prefix” means.
It’s not the end of the word

Just as silly as the ones through the nose.

That is so beautiful.

A Texan walks into a pub in Ireland and clears his voice to the crowd of drinkers. He says,  “I hear you Irish are a bunch of hard drinkers. I’ll give $500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back-to-back.” 

The room is quiet, and no one takes up the Texans offer. One man even leaves.

Thirty minutes later the same gentleman who left shows back up and taps the Texan on the shoulder. “Is your bet still good?” asks the Irishman.

The Texan says yes and asks the bartender to line up 10 pints of Guinness. Immediately the Irishman tears into all 10 of the pint glasses, drinking them all back-to-back. The other pub patrons cheer as the Texan sits in amazement. The Texan gives the Irishman the $500 and says, “If ya don’t mind me asking, where did you go for those 30 minutes you were gone?

The Irishman replies, “Oh, I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first.”

My wife told me that I did not love any of her relatives…
I told her that is not true. I said, “I love your mother-in-law and father-in-law much more than I love mine.”

A man is waiting for his wife to give birth. The doctor comes in and informs the dad that his son was born without a torso, arms or legs. The son is just a head!

But the dad loves his son anyway and raises him as well as he can, with love and compassion.
 
After 21 years, the son is old enough for his first drink. 

Dad takes him to the bar and tearfully tells his son he is proud of him. 

Dad orders up the biggest, strongest drink for his boy. 

With all the bar patrons looking on curiously and the bartender shaking his head in disbelief, the boy takes his first sip of alcohol.
 
Swoooop! A torso pops out!
 
The bar is dead silent; then bursts into a whoop of joy.

The father, shocked, begs his son to drink again. The patrons chant “Take another drink”! The bartender still shakes his head in dismay.
 
Swoooop! Swoooop! Two arms pops out.
 
The bar goes wild. The father, crying and wailing, begs his son to drink again. 

The patrons chant “Take another drink”!
 
The bartender ignores the whole affair.
 
By now the boy is getting tipsy, and with his new hands he reaches down, grabs his drink and guzzles the last of it.
 
Swoooop! Swoooop! Two legs pop out. The bar is in chaos.
 
The father falls to his knees and tearfully thanks God.
 
The boy stands up on his new legs and stumbles to the left…. then to the right…. right through the front door, into the street, where a truck runs over him and kills him instantly.
 
The bar falls silent. The father moans in grief.
 
The bartender sighs and says,
 
“That boy should have quit while he was a head.”

Stephanie sent me this next one and I’m sure it expresses the sentiment of an awful lot of us:

COPIED

The Turning Point

At what point, at what precipice, at what limit of liberty do WE, as a free and righteous people, turn and face the evil that confronts us?

When does the conflagration of depravity demand a flood of extinguishing?

How much longer can the parchment of Constitutional values survive the gnashing of demonic teeth?

No longer. 

Not a minute.

Not a second.

Not a nano second. 

Critical mass has been reached!

The assault on decency, common sense and morality has gone nuclear. 

The repression of speech and individual rights is a tattered banner hanging by a thread. 

Tis time to retrieve said banner and hoist it as a battle flag. 

Tis time to rise as one and vanquish the foe of insanity. 

No longer to be the audience of this insipid performance. 

No longer to step aside for this parade of perversion.

Stand, speak, demand a return to ways that set us apart!

To the foundation of this great nation!

To the grace of Godliness that was once bestowed upon our shining shores!

WE, have reached THE TURNING POINT.

– – – J. Clent Wilkinson

As he stood at the bar for the first time with his son the proud father said, “Now is as good of time to talk about some of the facts of life. Remember. a man that drinks beyond his capacity is no gentleman. To enjoy life, you must observe a happy medium. Have a drink occasionally, but never, never, never get drunk.”

“Yes sir,” replied his dutiful son, “but how am I to know when I am drunk?”

“Well, you see those two men over there in the corner?” said the father. “If you were to see four men, you’d know you were drunk.”

“Dad, let me have the keys,” grinned the son. “There’s only one guy over there.”

This is SO GOOD!!!!!!

Husband brings the child home from kindergarten and asks his wife, “He’s been crying the whole way home. Is he sick or something?”

“No,” replies wife, “he was just trying to tell you he isn’t our Frankie.”

And that’s it my friends. May God Bless you and Keep you and Smile His face upon you until we meet again.

I really do like that header. Turn your wounds into wisdom. You can also say, turn your grief into forgiveness. 

I saw the replay of where Charlie Kirk’s wife forgave the shooter. I gotta say, I’ve never seen such strength in all my life. I pray that if ever needed that I, too have that kind of strength. I’m not sure I ever would…but I pray that I would. Jesus asked God to “forgive them for they know not what they do.”

But He’s God.

I’m but human.

A sinner.

I would definitely need the strength of the Lord for something like that…as I’m sure did she. It made me cry. I wonder if the shooter got to see it. I hope his conspirators did. 

In other news, I put some new artwork on the bike.

Please ignore the mess in my garage. I’m in the process of correcting that.  I was supposed to have a new license plate holder to go with it, but I guess I messed up and the one I ordered ended up being for a car instead of a motorcycle so the replacement is coming tomorrow.

Anyway, I’ve got a meeting I’ve got to get to in a few minutes. I want you guys to keep me in your prayers this weekend. I go for my Safety Class on Saturday and Sunday and for my full endorsement on my license. I’m going to try to get an issue out for Saturday, but if I don’t get this one done on time, this may BE Saturday’s issue instead of Thursday’s like I’m planning.  Today is Tuesday when I’m starting it. I’ve got jail tomorrow night, FBI on Thursday night which would leave me Friday night to do Saturday’s issue…and that’s if I get this one done after I get home from the meeting I have to leave for shortly…we shall see.

Maybe if nothing else this can be a short issue. But for now…

Harley Davidson Johnny Cash Special I saw at a Car and Motorcycle show I was at last Saturday.

I just want you to know that if I win the Powerball tonight, it won’t change me.
It will change my phone number, my email address, my mailing address…

I’ve seen this next quote before and I LOVE IT!

Everything that can be invented has been invented.
 
– Charles H. Duell, Commissioner, U.S. Office of Patents, 1899

How does the hamburger introduce his girlfriend?


Meat Patty

Police are on the lookout after a man has been breaking into farms and stealing cows. They are looking for a male with a large moo-stash.

My girlfriend isn’t the brightest bulb. One day when she was being particularly dimwitted, I said in frustration, “What’s your IQ anyway?!”
She shot back defiantly, “20/20!”

“Doctor, Doctor, I Feel Like A Dustbin.”
“Don’t Talk Rubbish!

This guy has four daughters who all live at home. One Friday night, the doorbell rings.

The first kid at the door says, “I’m Eddie, I’m here to pick up Betty. We’re going for spaghetti, is she ready?”

The father, mildly amused, answers, “Yes.” 

The second kid comes to the door and says, “I’m Joe, I’m here to pick up Flo to take her to the show. Is she ready to go?”

The guy, now perplexed, answers, “Yes.” 

A few minutes later, the doorbell rings again. A kid says, ‘Hi, I’m Jim.   I’m here to see Kim. We’re gonna go for a swim. Can I come in?’  

The guy, becoming annoyed, answers, “Yes.” 

The doorbell rings   one more time, and a kid standing there says, “Hi, I’m Chuck . . . ”   

The father shot him.

Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.

– Sherlock Holmes (by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, 1859-1930)

I have questions…

I agree…I love this analogy, also.

A fellow in a bar notices a woman, always alone, come in on a fairly regular basis. After the second week, he made his move.
 
“No thank you.” she said politely. “This may sound rather odd in this day and age, but I’m keeping myself pure until I meet the man I love.”
 
“That must be rather difficult.” the man replied.
 
“Oh, I don’t mind too much.” she said. “But, it has my husband pretty upset.”

And with that blast of positive motivation, I’ll let you get back to your day. So, this made it out on Thursday after all, and we’ll hope for Saturday. May God Bless you with Love and Happiness, Strength and Comfort until we meet again. My love to you all.

Another great ride today, but you guys don’t want to hear about that, do you? But, I will say this, I was on old US 24 at 60 mph, winding through the the Indiana countryside out for 30 minutes, visited with friends and then back for 30 minutes. It was my farthest ride yet. I think I’m ready for next weekend for my course and test. I guess we’ll see.

I’ve had a request for how to make a donation using a credit card. The easiest way to do that is through PayPal. If you go to the website of dragonlaffs.com on the right column near the top you’ll see this:

If you click on that, it will take you right to the donation site where it is really easy…as a matter of fact, if you click HERE, it will do the exact same thing.  

Okay, that’s about as easy as I can make it. And to those who asked, thank you very much. And from here …

Therapist: “I think you have a phobia of marriage. Do you know what the symptoms are?”
Me: “Can’t say I do.”
Therapist: “That’s one of them!”

I laughed so hard at that one!

The CEO offered an employee a bonus of $10k or to double it and pass it on to the next employee. 

The first employee elected to double and pass it on. The CEO thought what a generous individual this was and then moved on to the next employee. 

The next employee also declined the (now) $20k bonus and elected to double and pass it on. “Wow,” thought the CEO, “even 20k is being passed on! What a sense of camaraderie on this team.” 

The next employee also chose to double and pass on. This continued for 6 more employees and the bonus offer now stood at over $2.5 million. In a panic, the CEO had to call his wealthy father to get a loan, otherwise his business will be bankrupted. 

Meanwhile the nine employees were in the kitchen deciding how to evenly split $2.5 million.

That’s actually pretty easy … it’s $277,777.78 each.

That makes an enormous amount of sense! It’s PERFECT!!!!

And yet AGAIN, it makes perfect sense!!! Guess what month my birthday is… go ahead, guess? 

WRONG! It’s April! No, I’m kidding, of course it’s December! It has to be December!  It all makes sense.

Yeah, sometimes gothic castles aren’t all that they’re cracked up to be…unless they have a nice dungeon for a dragon.

After twenty years of shaving himself every morning, a man in a small Southern town decided he had enough. He told his wife that he intended to let the local barber shave him each day. He put on his hat and coat and went to the barbershop, which was owned by the pastor of the town’s Baptist church.

The barber’s wife, Grace, was working that day, so she performed the task. Grace shaved him and sprayed him with lilac water and said, “That will be $20.”

The man thought the price was a bit high, but he paid the bill and went to work. 

The next morning the man looked in the mirror and his face was as smooth as it had been when he left the barbershop the day before. “Not bad,” he thought. “At least I don’t need to get a shave every day.”

The next morning the man’s face was still smooth! Two weeks later the man was STILL unable to find any trace of whiskers on his face. It was more than he could take, so he returned to the barbershop. 

“I thought $20 was high for a shave,” he told the barber’s wife, “but you must have done a great job. It’s been two weeks and my whiskers still haven’t started growing back.”

The expression on her face didn’t even change, expecting his comment. She responded, “You were shaved by Grace. Once shaved, always shaved.”

The very BEST explanation I’ve EVER heard!

Joe sent in a great new diet!

Italian Pasta Diet

IT REALLY WORKS !!

1) You walka pasta da bakery.

2) You walka pasta da candy store.

3) You walka pasta da Ice Cream shop.

4) You walka pasta da table and fridge.

Look close, you’ll get it.

But, I like nurses.  They are some of my favorite people. Most of the nurses I’ve met are really sexy!

Dear Boss…
 
To ensure that you have a good time on your upcoming trip to Australia, your loyal team members have planned and developed a special itinerary to fill the time during your leisure hours:
 
Day 1… “Those Marvelous Morays”
 
  This exciting tour will once take you to the beauty of the Great Barrier Reef, where you will be allowed to hand feed special finger-shaped sausages to the wild eels of Stubby Hand Reef.
 
Day 2… The “Great White Encounter”
 
  You and your tour guide will take a small boat to the Great Barrier Reef, where you will be able to dive into the chum-laden water and personally experience the beauty of the Great White shark.
 
Day 3… The “10 Deadliest Snakes Fall Tour”
 
  You and a guest will be escorted through the outback and provided with the opportunity to handle and examine each of the world’s 10 most deadly snakes.
 
Day 4… The “Crocodile Dundee Petting Zoo”
 
  You will be able to come up-close and personal with the occasionally harmless salt-water crocodiles of the Australian coast. Lucky audience members are asked to participate in a croc wrestling exhibition.
 
Day 5… The Aboriginal “Festival of Spears”
 
  You will be the honored guest of a small aboriginal village as they celebrate the subjugation of the aboriginal race by the white man, with free liquor and a special weapons exhibition.
 
We hope you will enjoy your trip!
 
Your loyal employees.

Ok, it’s official. I’m getting old.

The other day I was walking back to my car from the grocery store.

Coming into the store was this smoking hot 19, maybe 20 year old, blonde. God, she was hot.

My thought? “I wonder what her mother looks like.

Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. So they loaded up Jack’s mini van and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.

“I realize it’s terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I’m recently widowed,” she explained. “I’m afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house.”

“Don’t worry,” Jack said. “We’ll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if the weather breaks, we’ll be gone at first light.” The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night. Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way.

They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing. But about nine months later, Jack got an unexpected letter from an attorney.

It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the ski weekend.

He dropped in on his friend Bob and asked, “Bob, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up North about 9 months ago?”

“Yes, I do.” said Bob

“Did you, er, happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?”

“Well, um, yes,” Bob said, a little embarrassed about being found out.

“I have to admit that I did.”

“And did you happen to use my name instead of telling her your name?”

Bob’s face turned beet red and he said, “Yeah, look, I’m sorry, buddy. I’m afraid I did.” “Why do you ask?”

“She just died and left me everything.”

John and his girlfriend Mary decide to become bank-robbers to make some easy money…

Mary does the actual robbing at gunpoint inside the banks while John waits outside as the getaway driver.

They are initially successful with a string of heists that make headlines and they become folk-heroes like Bonnie and Clyde. Until one day their luck runs out and they get caught by the FBI.

At trial, they are convicted and the judge gives Mary ten years in prison because she used a gun in the crime, while John gets only two years. However, once they get to their respective prisons, they discover that due to an unbelievable clerical error, John will be serving ten years and Mary only two years. Despite her insistence to have the mistake corrected, John convinces Mary to just keep quiet about it.

After two years Mary gets out and she continues to visit John faithfully every month and they exchange letters and phone calls regularly for the remainder of his ten years.

Finally, after he does his time, John gets out and he is joyfully reunited with Mary. They get married and move to a different state and they start anew, leaving their life of crime behind them. They raise a family with children and then grandchildren and eventually reach old age, after having lived a happy life together.

At their 50th wedding anniversary party, the entire family and all their friends are gathered. A great celebration is had, with many laughs and stories, recounting their life together.

Eventually, the conversation turns to the secrets to a happy marriage. One of the guests asks Mary why she decided to stick with John while he was in prison, despite all of the hardships that involved.

Mary answers, “Well… you know that you have found the ‘One’ when you finish each other’s sentences…”

One day a Blond, a Brunette and a Redhead all go hunting…

When they get to the campsite, they set up their tents and the brunette immediately goes into the woods with her gun. A few hours later, she comes back to camp with a huge 8 point white tailed deer. 

The Redhead and the Blonde are very impressed and they ask her how she managed to kill it. “I followed the tracks, and I got the deer,” was her answer. 

After breakfast the following morning the Redhead went out hunting. After about half the day she comes back dragging a giant black bear. The Brunet and the Blond are astounded and they ask how she was able to kill the bear. The Redhead answers, “Well, I just followed the tracks, and I got myself a bear!”. 

That evening after an early dinner the Blond goes out into the woods hunting. The following morning she drags herself into the camp all bloody and mangled. The other two girls’ eyes go wide and they ask her, “WHAT HAPPENED TO You!?!?”.

The Blond replies in a faint voice, “I followed the tracks too… but I got hit by a train…”

Moe: “Where did Larry go?”
Curly: “He’s round in front.”
Moe: “I know what he looks like, I just wanted to know where he went.”

At a training session in the fire station, the team was assembled around the kitchen table. The training officer was discussing the behavior of fire. “You pull up to a house and notice puffs of smoke coming from the eaves, blackened out windows and little or no visible flame. What does this tell you?” he asked. 

He was expecting to hear that the house is in a possible back draft situation, a condition very dangerous to fire fighters. Instead, he heard the following from one quick wit in the back, “You got the right place!”

And that’s it my dear friends. Until next time or until we meet in the air. Yes, rumor has it that the Rapture happens on Tuesday. I love hearing this predictions since even Jesus says that only God knows the time and day. 

Although, we are also told of the signs, like the beginning spasms of birth pains, when the end is approaching, and if anyone can’t see that the world is spasming right now, then they aren’t paying attention. 

People have been calling for and predicting the Rapture for years, but personally, I can’t help but feel that it is close. Please my friends, if you are not right with God, get yourself so. And may our Heavenly Father Bless each of you until we meet again.  

I just had one of the greatest rides I’ve had on the new bike! It was short, but it was wonderfully fast! I was up to 75 (okay, so it was in a 55 and that’s WRONG, but I had to stretch her legs) (and I had to prove to myself that I could do it … it has been 40 YEARS!!!) and she was smooth as silk! Took the curves like a dream, ran like the magnificent machine that she is! It was wonderful.

Okay, now that I’ve got THAT out. …

Well done is better than well said.
 
– Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)

Most of us have a bad habit we are constantly trying to break. 

For me, it’s  biting my fingernails. 

One day I told my husband about my latest solution: press-on nails.
 
“Great Idea, Honey,” he smiled. “You can eat them straight out of the box.”

Teacher: I hope I didn’t just see you looking at Harry’s paper, Raymond!
Raymond: I hope so too, teacher!

Jim needs a job, and has no qualms about inventing the necessary qualifications. He reasons that once he finds work, he will impress the boss so much that everything will be forgiven.
 
After a successful initial interview at the Encyclopedia of American History, he is called back to meet the sales manager.
 
“You say you have experience selling books?”
 
“Lots of it,” replies Jim.
 
“And you have a Master’s in American history from the University of Michigan?”
 
“Correct,” replies Jim. “History is my field of study.”
 
“Well then,” says the sales manager, “As soon as I can completethis form, we can get you started in the firm.”
 
While the sales manager is making a few notations, Jim, obviously pleased with himself, begins to whistle. Looking around the room, he notices pictures of Washington and Lincoln on the walls.
 
Pointing to the portraits, he turns to the sales manager and says, “Fine looking men. Your partners?”

This next one is about a half hour long, but it is SO funny. I laughed most of the way through it. So, fair warning.

Wow! This guy is so good! 

The website is cool, motorcyclemissionary.com.  Just spent a lot of time there looking around. Giving me ideas, but let’s move on. And thanks to Vincent for sending in the article!

Should be able to use this for something, I thought…nah! It’s just funny.

Teacher: Clyde, your composition about “My dog” is exactly like your brothers. Did you copy this?

Clyde: No sir. It’s the same dog.

Al: I got fired from my job as a bank guard.
Sam: What happened?
Al: A thief came into the bank. I drew the weapon and told him that if he took one more step, I’d let him have it.
Sam: What did he do then?
Al: He took one more step, so I let him have it. Who wanted that stupid old gun, anyway?

“I see you were last employed by a psychiatrist,” said the employer to the applicant. “Why did you leave?”
“Well,” she replied, “I just couldn’t win…
If I was late to work, I was hostile.
If I was early, I had an anxiety complex.
If I was on time, I was compulsive.”

“Wake up, honey. It’s time to go to school.”
“But why? I don’t want to go to school.”
“Give me two reasons why you don’t want to go to school.”
“One, all the children hate me. Two, all the teachers hate me.”
“Oh, that’s no reason. Come on, you have to go to school.”
“Give me two good reasons why I should go to school?”
“One, you are fifty-two years old. Two, you are the principal!”

That’s it dear friends. Another one in the bank. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did.  May God Bless you with love and happiness until we meet again.

It’s Sunday afternoon. Had a good church service. Jumped in the car and went to town to drop off all the stuff that Izzy and I gathered to Goodwill, came home and did all the normal Sunday chores, gathered and took out the trash since our trash day is Monday and set up my weekly medicine. Had a bite to eat and now it’s 4 pm and I’m starting Thursday’s issue.

It is an absolutely gorgeous day out and I really feel like going for a ride, but something is holding me back and I don’t know what. 

And rather than sitting here agonizing over it … like I have been for the last fifteen minutes, I’m going to press on with DL and see where I end up, so Let’s GO! 

When Ruth’s grandson Jordan was 5, he always told everyone he wanted to be a doctor when he grew up. One day he was running through the house and into the corner of a chair and hurt his eye. He cried for a while and kept saying, “Oh no, oh no, now I can’t be a doctor when I grow up.”

Ruth assured him he could still be a doctor and Jordan kept telling her he couldn’t. Finally, she asked, “Why can’t you be a doctor?”

Holding one hand over his eye, Jordan said, “Because now I will have to be a pirate!”

FAMOUS ATHEISTS’ LAST WORDS BEFORE DEATH

An Irishman and an American were sitting in the bar at Shannon Airport.
 
“I’ve come to meet my brother,” said the Irishman. “He’s due to fly in from America in an hour’s time. It’s his first trip home in forty years”.
 
“Will you be able to recognize him?” asked the American.
 
“I’m sure I won’t,” said the Irishman, “after all, he’s been away for a long time”.
 
“I wonder if he’ll recognize you?” said the American.
 
“Of course he will,” said the Irishman. “Sure, an’ I haven’t been away at all”.

Yeah, and? That’s about what I had this morning. I remember a pancake being there, also.

At the outpatient surgery center where I work, the anesthesiologist often chatted with patients before their operations to help them relax.

One day he thought he recognized a woman as a co-worker at the VA hospital where he had trained.

When the patient confirmed that his hunch was correct, he said, “So, tell me, is the food still as bad there as it used to be?”

“Well, I suppose,” she replied, “I’m still cooking it.”

The two old coots were both only a year short of retirement from the assembly line, but one Monday morning that didn’t keep Joe from boasting to Manny about his sexual endurance. 

“Three times,” gasped Manny admiringly. “How’d you do it?” 

“It was easy.” Joe looked down modestly. “I made love to my wife, and then I rolled over and took a ten- minute nap. 

When I woke up again, I made love to her again and took another ten-minute nap. And then I put it to her again. Can you believe it! I woke up this morning feeling like a bull, I’ll tell you.” 

“I gotta try it,” said Manny. So that night he made love to his wife, took a ten-minute nap, made love to her again, took another nap, woke up and made love to her a third time, then rolled over and fell sound asleep. 

He woke up feeling like a million bucks, pulled on his clothes, and ran to the factory, where he found his boss waiting outside for him. 

“What’s up, Boss?” he asked. “I’ve been working for you for twenty years and never been late once. You aren’t going to hold these twenty minutes against me now, are you?” 

“What twenty minutes?” growled the boss. “Where the hell were you on Tuesday and Wednesday? 

Golfer: “You’ve got to be the worst caddy in the world!”
Caddy: “I don’t think so, sir, that would be too much of a coincidence!”

The definition of a “gimme” in golf can best be defined as an agreement between two golfers…
Neither of whom can putt very well.

Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit.
Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
Philosophy is wondering if a Bloody Mary counts as a smoothie.

A whole bunch of pictures caught right at the RIGHT moment!

Every Sunday afternoon a mother found a candy bar wrapper in her young son’s room. She finally had to ask, “Johnny why do I find a candy bar wrapper in your room every Sunday after church?”

He answered by saying that God gave him the money and he used it to buy a candy bar.

The mother quickly replied, “God gave it to you? How did this happen?”

“Well mom, you give me a dollar to give to God. So before church every Sunday , I throw it up into the air. I figure if God wants it he’ll take it. If not, it will fall back down to me.”

“Can I buy a live shark here?”
“Lady, what do you want with a live shark?”
“A neighbor’s cat has been eating my goldfish, and I want to teach him a lesson.”

And that’s it my friends. I hope you enjoyed. May God Bless you and keep you until we meet again.