Dragon Laffs #2508

And here we are on Saturday … and here I am time traveling. For me, it’s Sunday … a week ago.  A for you, it’s Saturday, a week from now for me. 

But while you’re reading this, I’m participating in CPR class as part of my Security Duties for the church. I’m actually looking forward to it. This one will be put on by a civilian organization. Most of the ones I’ve had lately have all been military and I’m anxious to see if there’s any real differences.

Anyway, I’ve only got a little while to get this one started, so ….

Move backwards from the picture.

 

 

Hot Woman: [At the Bar] [Hot woman winks] So what’s a girl need to do to get a drink around here? 

Me: You just ask at the bar for one and then exchange it for money

[3 days later] 

Me: [tying my shoelaces] Hey, wait a second…

Does anyone remember a time when your body just worked? Like, just on its own, no pills, no scheduled exercise, no caffeine, no planned hydration, no stretching, no specific diet — you just woke up and bam! That stuff was good to go?
Yeah, me either.

Honesty is a very expensive gift. Don’t expect it from cheap people.

 

 

Over the weekend, my sister texted me this picture. She said she was cleaning out some papers and found it. That’s me on the left.  Aged 3 or 4 maybe? So… 1964ish.

 

 

Me too!

 

 

Yup … it is currently 4° with a windchill of -18°. It is CRAZY COLD outside. 

 

 

My wife said she had blisters on her hand from using the broom. 

I told her: “Next time take the car”. 

Joe’s wife is VERY understanding.

 

 

Oldie:

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. 

Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. 

In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock. 

Upon leaving, the brunette tells her sister, “When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I’ll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home.” 

The brunette arrives at the man’s ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she wants to buy it. 

The man tells her that he will sell it for $599, no less. 

After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news. 

She walks into the telegraph office, and says, “I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that  I’ve bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home.” 

The telegraph operator explains that he’ll be glad to help her, then adds, “It’s just 99 cents a word.” 

Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. 

She realizes that she’ll only be able to send her sister one word. 

After a few minutes of thinking, she nods and says, “I want you to send her the word “comfortable”. 

The operator shakes his head. “How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her just the word “comfortable?” 

The brunette explains, “My sister’s blonde. The word’s big. She’ll read it very slowly.”

Today is Martin Luther King, Jr. Day and I’ve had the news on in the background and they’ve been playing some of his speeches and some documentary kind of stuff. Wonderful, powerful man. A man to be admired and emulated. I watch some of the peaceful marches he led with the hymns being sung and the smiles on the people’s faces.

And then they cut over to the “mostly peaceful” anti-ICE demonstrations in Minnesota and the differences are startling…appalling…and yet, most of these people — these demonstrators — would have us believe that they are acting in the same manner, the same vein as Dr. King acted. The same “mostly peaceful” demonstrations of the BLM movement that saw cities burning and lives lost.

The hypocrisy is overwhelming. 

Yes, we all have the right to protest. I think back to my youth and the teenage beatnik hippies of the 60’s protesting Vietnam by staging sit-ins and being drug off by police by refusing to move.   And this iconic photograph …

Here’s what Wikipedia has to say about the above photo:

The National Mobilization Committee to End the War in Vietnam‘s March on the Pentagon took place on October 21, 1967. When the antiwar demonstrators approached The Pentagon, they were confronted by a squad of soldiers from the 503rd Military Police Battalion (Airborne).[1] The soldiers pointed their rifles, marched into the crowd and formed a semicircle around the demonstrators to prevent them from climbing the Pentagon steps. Bernie Boston, newspaper photographer for The Washington Evening Star (shortened to The Washington Star in later years), had been assigned by his editor to cover the demonstration.[2] Boston was sitting on a wall at the mall entrance which allowed him to see the events unfold.[3] In a 2005 interview he said, “When I saw the sea of demonstrators, I knew something had to happen. I saw the troops march down into the sea of people and I was ready for it.”[4] A young man emerged from the crowd of demonstrators and started placing carnations into the barrels of their rifles.[3] Boston captured the moment in what would become an iconic image and his signature photograph.[3]

When Boston showed the photograph to his editor at the Star, “the editor didn’t see the importance” and the picture was run on a page deep inside the newspaper.[3] It did not gain recognition until Boston entered it into photography competitions, which it won.[3]

And one more picture…

These were the demonstrations that I remember seeing on TV when I was just a kid. I can still remember my father ranting about the “stupid kids”. But, they never raised their voices or broke things or set anything on fire (that I can recall). What changed? When did it change? When did protesting peacefully, turn into destroying, rioting, and tearing up other people’s things? When did we become animals over differing opinions? When did we think it was okay to try to stop legitimate law enforcement officers from carrying out their duties?

Why are they protecting gang bangers, drug pushers, murderers, rapists, human traffickers, rapists, devils and demons over legitimate law enforcement? It is so hard for me to imagine that many spiritually captured individuals. I just want to weep.

Aside over.

 

 

“Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.” 

– Gail Godwin (1937-)

A DESIGNER OF THE TITANIC WAS ON BOARD WHEN IT WENT DOWN. HIS ORIGINAL DESIGN HAD MORE LIFE BOATS, WATER TIGHT COMPARTMENTS, AND A DOUBLE HULL, BUT THEY WERE OVERRULED. HIS BODY WAS NEVER RECOVERED.

A magazine recently ran a “Dilbert quotes” contest. They were looking for people to submit quotes from their real life managers. Here are the top 14 finalists:

1. As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday and employees will receive their cards in two weeks. (This was the winning quote from Fred Dales at Microsoft Corp In Redmond, WA.)

2. What I need is a list of specific unknown problems we will encounter. (Lykes Lines Shipping)

3. E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business. (Accounting manager, Electric Boat Company)

4. This project is so important, we can’t let things that are more important interfere with it. (Advertising/Marketing manager, United Parcel Service) 

5. Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule. 

6. No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We’ve been working on it for months. Now, go act busy for a month. (R&D supervisor, Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing/3M Corp.)

7. My Boss spent the entire weekend retyping a 25-page proposal that only needed corrections. She claims the disk I gave her was damaged and she couldn’t edit it. The disk I gave her was write-protected. (CIO of Dell Computers)

8. Quote from the Boss: “Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say.” (Marketing executive, Citrix Corporation) 

9. My sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled for Monday. When I told my Boss, he said she died so that I would have to miss work on the busiest day of the year. He then asked if we could change her Burial to Friday. He said, “That would be better for me.” (Shipping executive, FTD Florists)

10. “We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going to discuss it with the employees.” (Switching supervisor, AT&T Long Lines Division)

11. We recently received a memo from senior management saying: “This is to inform you that a memo will be issued today regarding the subject mentioned above.” (Microsoft, Legal Affairs Division)

12. One day my Boss asked me to submit a status report to him concerning a project I was working on. I asked him if tomorrow would be soon enough. He said “If I wanted it tomorrow, I would have waited until tomorrow to ask for it!” (New business manager Hallmark Greeting Cards.)

13. As director of communications, I was asked to prepare a memo reviewing our company’s training programs and materials. In the body of the memo in one of the sentences I mentioned the “pedagogical approach” used by one of the training manuals. The day after I routed the memo to the executive committee, I was called into the HR director’s office, and told that the executive vice president wanted me out of the building by lunch. When I asked why, I was told that she wouldn’t stand for perverts (pedophilia?) working in her company. Finally, he showed me her copy of the memo, with her demand that I be fired – and the word “pedagogical” circled in red. The HR manager was fairly reasonable, and once he looked the word up in his dictionary and made a copy of the definition to send back to her, he told me not to worry. He would take care of it. Two days later, a memo to the entire staff came out directing us that no words which could not be found in the local Sunday newspaper could be used in company memos. A month later, I resigned. In accordance with company policy, I created my resignation memo by pasting words together from the Sunday paper. (Taco Bell Corporation) 

14. “Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity and I’m not sure about the former.” (Albert Einstein)

And that’s the end my friends. It’s been a rough week and I’m glad I got a chance to laugh putting this together because I really needed it. I hope you did too…got to laugh, not that you needed it like I did.  If you DID need it like I did, I hope it helped.

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Dragon Laffs #2507

I just finished up  Monday’s episode and am jumping right into today’s.  As I explained in The Last Word of that one, I have a lot on my plate right now, so when I have an opportunity to get ahead, I’m going to take it. So, today is January 22nd, the day you are reading this, that is.  A quick glance at the calendar tells us that it is the Celebration of Life Day and National Blonde Brownie Day … so … yeah.

Celebration of Life Day seems like it’s about Children and being grateful for the life that we have and seems to have started out as a pro-life/anti-abortion celebration, but looking at their official website now, it looks like the left has moved in and that theme has disappeared.

Anyway, let’s move on to our theme for today … which is …

 

So, today’s theme is the same theme as the other day’s themes…lol! Let’s go!

 

 

Texting Codes for Seniors

ATD – At The Doctor’s
BFF – Best Friends Funeral
WTF – Where’s The Funeral?
BTW – Bring The Wheelchair
BYOC – Bring Your Own Carer
DWI – Driving While Incontinent
DOA – Demented On Arrival
VIP – Very Interesting Pills
DIAY – Did It At Yoga
GBH – Got Bad Hemorrhoids
GBF – Gopher’s Battery Flat
BHY – Broke Hip Yesterday
RIP – Rehab In Progress
LOL – Living On Laxatives
OMG – Oh My… Gas!
FBM – Fabulous Bowel Movement
WMN – What’s My Name?
WWITA – What Was I Texting About?

I know people like this.

 

 

Scientists have grown human vocal cords in a petri dish…

The results speak for themselves.

Me: Please bring me a screwdriver.  

Her: Flat head, Phillips, or Vodka?

And that’s when I knew she was THE one!

These days, I find myself a lot like my pants zipper.

Down most of the time and for no apparent reason.

 

 

Interfering with legitimate law enforcement officers….

 

 

When someone says, “You’ve changed,” it simply means you’ve stopped living your life their way.

Okay, I could see that in Florida, but DETROIT!?!?

 

 

Some people will never ask for your side of the story because the side they heard fits how they want to feel about you.

I feel when people say, “She’s really nice once you get to know her.” They might as well be saying, “She’s a bitch but you’ll get used to her.”

EXACTLY!  What in the world is WRONG with you people!!!!

 

 

A different version of you exists in the minds of everyone who knows you.

The person you think of as “yourself” exists only for you, and even you don’t really know who that is. Every person you meet, have a relationship with, or make eye contact on the street with, creates a version of “you” in their heads. Your not the same person  to your mom, your dad, your  siblings, than you are to your co-workers, your neighbors or your friends. There are a thousand different versions of yourself out there, in people’s minds. A “you” exists in each version, and yet your “you”, “yourself”, isn’t really a “someone” at all.

What an incredibly interesting concept … in some ways absolutely right, but in truth, 100% wrong. I AM ME. Your perception of ME, does not change who I am, it’s just your perception of me. I know who I am, and that can change, but it is still me…because me can change. Silly.

It could work…

 

Every time you are able to find some humor in a difficult situation, YOU WIN.

You just don’t see enough people being taken away in straight jackets anymore.

And that’s it.  Tomorrow I’ll work on Saturday’s but for now…

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Dragon Laffs #2506

Well, it’s Saturday morning and I’m going to try and get a couple of issues ahead again over this nice, three-day weekend. 

It’s a three-day weekend?

Yeah it’s … whose birthday is it or what are we celebrating on Monday? Well, today, the day that you guys are getting this issue?  What is today?  Anybody?  Yeah, you in the back?

Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.

Martin Luther King, who had a dream, who believed in peaceful demonstrations to put his point across. Who led marches on Washington that brought attention to problems…and he was eventually assassinated for it. A man of God.

So very much different than the “peaceful demonstrations” that we have going on today.

Last night Izzy and I had a “spirited discussion” on what was going on up in Minnesota.  She, of course being the little sweetheart that she is and of the “why can’t we all just live together in love and socialist/communist happiness?” I have to grab her by the earlobe and pull her back over to common sense land and explain to her that the real people to blame for Renee Good’s death are the protestors. 

Her response, as you can well imagine was, “Huh?”

Look, the ICE agents are simply trying to do their job. Following the law. Nothing more, nothing less. The illegal aliens, whether they are gangbangers or “upstanding citizens” if they are here illegally, are breaking the law. Every one of them was given the opportunity to self-deport. They are now (and have been) breaking the law. They are criminals. And it is the JOB of the LAW ENFORCEMENT AGENCIES to ENFORCE the LAWS. The protestors are interfering with said Law Enforcement Agents in carrying out their duties.

Now, two things. First, how would you like it if someone came to your workplace and kept you from doing your job? Everything from standing in front of you to driving a car at you to shooting at your to threatening your family, to burning down your house? Just for going to your job at Burger King or Walmart or the office or whatever? HOW WOULD THAT MAKE YOU FEEL? And then to have the rest of the world tell you that YOU were the ones who were wrong?

Secondly, everyone of those protestors, just by being there and interfering with those officers can be arrested and are subject to a year in prison. If they lay hands on one of those ICE officers … just touch them … ten years in prison. If they push or shove or strike them in any way, twenty years.

So, anyone who says that the ICE agents are being mean and harassing the protestors … let me tell you from even the minimal amount of Law Enforcement experience that I have, at some point in time, someone is going to cut the ICE agents loose and there is going to mass arrests of these protestors the likes of which no one has ever seen before. You are going to step in the way of an agent and you are going to get arrested, you are going to touch one and you are going to get arrested. You mark my words that they are very soon going to get tired of this hands-off approach.

They    Are    Doing    Their    Job.    It’s    The     Protestors    Who    Are    At    Fault!!!!

Okay, I’m off my rant, now …

 

Okay, not really laugh worthy at first, but Scott, you will be missed Sir!

Okay, now we can move on…

 

 

Wow!  Just … Wow!

 

 

One night a teenage girl brought her new boyfriend home to meet her parents, and they were appalled by his appearance: leather jacket, motorcycle boots, tattoos and pierced nose.

Later, the parents pulled their daughter aside and confessed their concern. 

“Dear,” said the mother diplomatically, “he doesn’t seem very nice.” 

“Oh please, Mom,” replied the daughter, “if he wasn’t nice, why would he be doing 500 hours of community service?

Actually, this is a depiction of Judges 4:21: I’ll give you the ESV version which reads easier than the KJV: But Jael the wife of Heber took a tent peg, and took a hammer in her hand. Then she went softly to him and drove the peg into his temple until it went down into the ground while he was lying fast asleep from weariness. So he died. Him being Sisera, the commander of the army of Jabin who was king of Canaan. Heber was supposed to be an ally but had separated himself and his family. Sisera was fleeing the army of the Lord. Here’s the preceding verse: 17 But Sisera fled away on foot to the tent of Joel, the wife of Heber the Kenite, for there was peace between Jabin the king of Hazor and the house of Heber the Kenite. 

18 And Jael came out to meet Sisera and said to him, “Turn aside, my lord; turn aside to me; do not be afraid.” So he turned aside to her into the tent, and she covered him with a rug.

19 And he said to her, “Please give me a little water to drink, for I am thirsty.” So she opened a skin of milk and gave him a drink and covered him.

20 And he said to her, “Stand at the opening of the tent, and any man comes and asks you, ‘Is anyone here?’ say, ‘No.'”

And then you know the rest. This loving woman allows him to fall asleep and drives a tent peg through his temple, fulfilling the will of the Lord. As soon as I saw this picture I knew what it was since I had just studied it in FBI (Faith Bible Institute). Neat, huh?

Now we have some memes of a theme thanks to Aussie Pete:

 

 

And this next one is really good…

 

Have you ever tried eating a clock?

It’s really time consuming, especially if you go for seconds.

 

 

DON’T get the order wrong!!!

 

 

OH COME ON! Leave Greenland the heck alone!!!

“Just cleared out some space in my freezer” sounds so much more productive than “I just polished off another pint of ice cream.”

I am retired in the sense that I was tired yesterday and today I am tired again.

“FACETIOUS”

is the only word in the English language that uses all of the vowels, in order.

Just     Ask!
If He doesn’t answer, stop and listen. If He still doesn’t answer, maybe the problem is YOU. What kind of a relationship do you have with Him? Come to Him in repentance and supplication. Get right with Him FIRST. Then ask again and see what happens.

 

 

So very, very sad.

 

 

Common Sense

is like deodorant.
The people who need it most never use it.

Why have so many people forgotten this?

 

 

The invention of the shovel was a ground breaking discovery.

But the invention of the broom was the one that truly swept the nation.

 

 

Reading the news lately, there seem to be a LOT of parents like that out there.

 

 

MUCH better than that stupid AI generated picture.

 

 

Did you know on the Canary Islands there is not one canary?

And on the Virgin Isles?

Same thing – not one canary there, either!

We are warned, strongly and deeply in Matthew 5:22 of the dangers of hell fire for calling someone Raca and/or fool. The idea behind “Raca” as “nitwit, blockhead, numbskull, bonehead, brainless idiot.” But, I think the above picture describes it most succinctly and precisely. 

 

  

What an appropriate typo.

 

 

The first time I used an elevator it was an uplifting experience.

But, the second time it let me down.

If it happens often enough that they have a word for it, then … 

I know, there are some of you out there who are thinking, maybe we ought to move to Finland.

 

 

No kidding! And they have the NERVE to say anything about January 6th.

 

 

I have no super powers.

So, I’m guessing I’m the villain. 

And that’s it my friends. That’s Monday’s issue in the bank and now I’ll start on Thursday’s next.  My days are back to being busy again. I have jail ministry on Monday evening, FBI on Tuesday evening, jail again on Wednesday, once a month is the UTA where I have to work the weekend, church every Sunday, and meetings on different nights of the week throughout the quarter depending.

Sigh.

I really ought to retire just so I  can spend more time working for God, but like my boss at work just told me the other day, he dreads the day I retire because there is no one ready to step up to take my place … but there really is … he just doesn’t know it and I won’t let him know until I’m ready for him to know, lol. 

Anyway, probably a year from now … or so.

But until then …

 

 

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Dragon Laffs #2505

Well, again I’m at a point where I’m about out of time for this issue, so I’m going to race through this and get you guys an issue out for tomorrow.  So, let’s jump right into it.

 

Do for others with no desire of returned favours. We all should plant some trees we’ll never sit under. 

Anon

What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?

“Oh look! Donut seeds!”

There was a really cute princess walking through the woods, and she heard a voice calling, “Hey Really Cute Princess!”

She looked around and didn’t see anyone but a frog. She started to walk on but the frog called again.

“Hey Really Cute Princess, if you take me home and let me sleep on your pillow, I will turn back into a Handsome Prince!”

It had been a very boring day so she decided to give it a try even though she really didn’t believe the frog.

The Really Cute Princess took the frog home with her and let him sleep on her pillow. When she got up the next day what do you think she found?

There on her pillow sat a really Handsome Prince.

Do you believe the story?

Well neither did her mother!

69 (Nice) Hilariously Dumb Photos That Spiced Up My Afternoon Poop Break

You have GOT to watch this.  It is truly AMAZING!! Thanks Chris!!

Click HERE

And here is the long address to cut and paste https://www.facebook.com/share/v/1aqLL7sEGe/

 

 

Men and women have two distinct views about a wedding.

The husband to be wakes up in the morning, plays a round of golf and counts the minutes until he has to be at the altar. 

The wife to be, on the other hand, wakes up in the morning and is panicking. 

She immediately begins to organize things, making sure everything is in proper order. 

In her mind she is repeating what she has to do.

“All I have to do is go down the aisle, get to the altar, and marry him.” 

She repeats this over and over again, until she begins to shorten it to three words which she continues to repeat… “Aisle, altar, him.” “Aisle, altar, him.” “Aisle, altar, him.” 

Last week my wife and I purchased a new computer. 

We ran into some difficulties while setting it up so we decided to call the customer support phone number we found in the manual.

I picked up the phone and called the number. 

A man answered the phone and I explained the problem to him.

He began rattling off computer jargon. This confused us even more. 

“Sir,” I said politely, “Can you explain what I should do as if I were a small child?”

“Okay,” the computer support guy said, “Son, could you please put your mommy on the phone?”

Photos Where the ‘Ineptitude’ Isn’t Even Surprising

Morris, a professional photographer was invited to dinner at the Goldblums. He took along a few pictures to show the hostess. 

Millie Goldblum looked at his photos and commented, “These are very good! You must have a very good camera.” 

He didn’t make any comment, however, as he was leaving to go home he said, “That was a really delicious meal, Millie!” 

“Thank you!” she replied enthusiastically.

The Morris added, “You must have some very good pots & pans.” 

A famous art collector is walking through the city when he notices a mangy cat lapping milk from a saucer in the doorway of a store. 

He does a double take, as he notices that the saucer is extremely old and very valuable. He walks casually into the store and offers to buy the cat for two dollars. 

The store owner replies, “I’m sorry, but the cat isn’t for sale.” 

The collector says, “Please, I need a hungry cat around the house to catch mice. I’ll pay you twenty dollars for that cat.” 

And the owner says “Sold,” and hands over the cat.

The collector continues, “Hey, for the twenty bucks I wonder if you could throw in that old saucer. The cat’s used to it and it’ll save me having to get a dish.” 

And the owner says, “Sorry buddy, but that’s my lucky saucer. So far this week I’ve sold sixty-eight cats.”

And that’s it, I made it. I hope you all enjoyed.

 

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Dragon Laffs #2504

We actually had protestors in our little bitty town here in Indiana.  It came across our radio and I heard the cops dispatched our to the courthouse. Seems there were a group of people inside the courthouse and on the courthouse steps protesting peacefully (we are a mostly peaceful little town after all) when a group of counter-protestors showed up. 

Oh, a question in the back? What were they protesting? Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t mention that. They were protesting ICE. I gather they got word of the BIG protest down in the big city of Indianapolis and didn’t want to feel like they had gotten left out and didn’t want to drive the two hours so they decided to stage their own little protest on our own courthouse steps. I’m not sure how they got IN the courthouse since it had been closed for about 2 hours by then, but anyway, back to my story…

Dispatch called out to the PD that there was now counter-protestors there and someone had called 911 and said they were afraid because the “attitudes had become aggressive.” 

I laughed so hard.

Well, honey…if you have the right to protest, someone else with a differing opinion has the right to counter-protest. Just because their opinion is different than yours doesn’t make them the bad person. You being there first doesn’t make you the good person.

Of course nobody got hurt … well … except their feelings.

If I had of known, I’d of gone down and counter-protested. Maybe even counter-counter-protested.  But, only if I could’ve found someone to protest me … you know, just to round out the square…or criss the cross as it were. 

So, I’ve rambled enough for today … maybe I should change my name from Impish Dragon to Rambling Dragon … Rambling Lizard? …  Gregarious Gavial? 

Hey, I kinda like that last one.  Hey Scribe! Make a note to get one of my new fake passports made out in the name of Gregarious Gavial. What does it mean? You figure it out! But the way this world is going, having extra identities is probably not a bad thing. 

But, being able to fly over my enemies and burn everything below me is not a bid thing either, so hey … 

and…

Okay, took me a minute, but I got it.

 

 

That one was easy.

 

 

No kidding! How apropos!  

 

 

The truly annoying part is that someone thought it necessary to put a warning on there!!!

 

 

Pete (Friggin’ not Aussie) wrote a nice little piece to go along with that poster that I agree with 100%, having been of the same age.  Here it is:

Yes, we were. I believe that in all of history, there has never been a better time to have been born than in the 1940’s 50’s and early 60’s. We were born into the innocence of the Country, witnessed and helped in the Country’s loss of that innocence and have lived with it’s change until now.

We have witnessed the greatest changes of life and the greatest advancements in all areas of existence on this planet from Technology and Medicine to Religion and Philosophy to The Arts and Education. We have seen the changes of this world that those that came before us could not even dream about, the elimination of many of mankind’s hardships and the progression of modern day ease in which we are able to live life.
We have lived in both worlds as it has changed into what the world is today for better and for worse, I guess but, these old eyes have seen it all. And we should be thankful for that.
 

Pete

Well said, brother.

 

 

Those are REAL friends!

 

 

YES   HE   DOES!!!

Nothing motivates a man more than to see his boss putting in an honest day’s work.

A Florida court ruled that exotic dancers must cover one-third of their buttocks. 
Now, if only they could pass the same law for the plumbers, we’d be in neat shape.

No doubt! And getting twice the sentence that he gets.

 

 

YOU KNOW YOUR LIFE SUCKS WHEN…..

A black cat crosses your path and drops dead.

You take an assertiveness training course and you’re afraid to tell your wife.

The candles on your cake set off your smoke alarm.

Your chauffeur is on parole for car theft.

You have to take out a loan just to get money for the down payment.

Your children’s school calls to surrender.

The bride’s family throws rocks instead of rice.

Your wife wraps your lunch in a road map.

Your plants do better when you don’t talk to them.

All your modeling jobs are for cartoonists.

I LOVE them!

 

 

A well-dressed man approached a voluptuously beautiful young woman on the street and said, “Would you have sex with me for a million dollars?”

“For a MILLION dollars?!” she replied, more than a little stunned, “Of course I would!”

“Well, would you sleep with me for twenty five dollars?”

“Twenty five dollars? Don’t be ridiculous! What kind of girl do you take me for, anyway?”

“We’ve already established what kind of girl you are; now we’re just haggling over price.”

This one is kinda fun … from dear Stephanie …

20+ Online marketplace sellers with bizarre objects for sale: ‘The “L” from the Chipotle sign in Novato’

Don’t wait!

 

 

I burn about 2,000 calories every time I put on fitted sheets by myself.

 

 

Daughter: Alexa, play “Let It Go”.

Me: When I was your age I had to call the radio station, wait on hold for 30 minutes to request a song, then sit by my boom box for an hour with a blank cassette tape for my song to play so I could record it.

Daughter: I don’t know what any of that means.

 

 

You think you know stress?!
When I grew up, if you missed a TV show you just missed it.
Forever.

And that’s it my friends.  I hope you enjoyed this issue as much as I did. Until next time…

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