I got home from work with Izzy a little early today and she went up to take a nap, so I spent a couple of hours wrapping gifts. I know that sounds like a lot, but I’m not the fastest wrapper in the world, so…… yeah.
Anyway, we are starting with 605 Christmas memes today…we’ll see where we end as we
Okay, so I saw that meme and had to ask Alexa to play Jim Croce songs and that brought me WAY back!
When I drink alcohol, everyone says I’m an Alcoholic.
But, when I drink Fanta, no one says I’m Fantastic!
During the COVID lockdown, if you had family round on Christmas Day, police could force entry to your home and make them go home.
Does anyone know if this service is still available, and if you have to book ahead of time?
True. It works.
If you pour cold water into a person’s ear, their eyes will move in direction of the opposite ear. If you pour warm water into their ear, their eyes will move towards that ear. This is used to test for brain damage and is call “Caloric Stimulation”.
Classic Header
My parents are replacing their coffee machine, which is 7 years old.
Me: That’s not that old, I have sheets older than that.
Mother: Well, perhaps your sheets aren’t getting as much action as our coffee machine.
I’m going to need an ambulance.
If you get an E-mail with the subject line of “Knock Knock” don’t open it! It’s a Jehovah Witness working from home.
You know what, I’m with you NotKennyRogers. They are called narco-terrorists for a reason. Now, I know the big controversy is “they fired on the survivors in the water”; “they were hanging on to the wreckage”;
And maybe if this was normal combat, and we had boots on the ground, (or boats in the water) and had a way of taking prisoners, it would be a different story. But, it’s more along the lines of what I told Mary if she was home alone and someone broke into the house.
You have two clips for the gun, you empty both clips into center mass, 21 rounds, whether they are still moving or not, then call 911, then call me. You are NOT in a position to make defensive decisions. You have yourself and child(ren) in the house to think of. Period.
You have terrorists in front of you, why give them the opportunity to terrorize you again? If they haven’t learned from any of the other boats that have been blown up, they are not going to learn.
Then I saw an admiral saying, “If those were my Navy SEALs floating in the water, I would want them afforded the opportunity to surrender.” Admiral, if your Navy SEALs were acting as terrorists… I can’t even finish that sentence because I can’t even IMAGINE that scenario taking place! So, you sir, are either being obstinate on purpose to be negative to your President and Leadership OR you are equating your Navy SEALs with scumbag terrorists. Either way, SIR, you are being extraordinarily disloyal and I’m ashamed of you.
But, back to NotKenny’s original point … why is it that the Dem’s are more concerned with these sumbags then with the deaths of thousands of innocent children? No. Those deaths are to be celebrated.
Give me a break, you hypocrites.
Okay, I’m done.
“Vodka” is Russian for “Little Water”.
Be A Minimalist
It’s The Least You Can Do
I didn’t know that.
Willow is going to be SO disappointed.
Boy ain’t that the honest truth!
Meanwhile at the BMV Center…
BMV Lady: Do you want to retake your photo? You look mad.
Me: I am mad.
DMV Lady: But you’ll look mad on here for 5 years.
Me: I will still be mad in 5 years.
Mahatma Gandhi said, “If there is an idiot in power, it means those who elected him are well represented.”
Gas Tank: E
[Puts in $20]
Gas Tank: Eh
Due to the really bad weather, I decided to see if my 83 year old neighbor needed anything from the store.
She did.
So I gave her my list.
No point in both of us going out in this weather.
And that’s it, my friends…I’d give you a big send off, but I’m completely out of time.
So, until next time, may God Bless you with Love and Happiness.
Start off with a header that goes WAY back in time.
Gonna try to get this issue knocked out real fast because I’ll be working all weekend. Today is Thursday and I usually have FBI tonight, but we finished up the semester last week. I’m supposed to be testing, but I have some time yet to do that and, well … quite frankly, I’m not really ready to test on the Old Testament just yet, so instead, I’ll spend the evening with you guys.
So … I’ve still got 681 Christmas items to get to before I’m through, so let’s see how many of them I can use in this issue…
↑ The US Government ↑
Go ahead and sing it, you’ll get it.
Yup. There are those of us out there.
I won’t go to self-checkout. I found out that my local Kroger doesn’t have a real cashier come on until after 0800 and I HAD to go to the self-checkout and the very first item I scanned it errored and it called for help and someone had to come and unlock the scanner … so why couldn’t they have had THAT someone open up a register?!?!
I can tell you the true meaning of Christmas, Charlie Brown.
And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid. And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord. And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger.
And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying, Gory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.
Luke 2:8-14 and did you know that they wanted to cut that part out of the show and Charles Shultz said that if they cut it out, then he would take away his permission for them to make the cartoon? I don’t remember if Linus goes all the way as far as I went did, I’m pretty sure he did. It’s been a while since I’ve watched it. I bet I can find it on YouTube though … hang on.
Yup! I was right.
I was working in a scrap yard in Southern England during summer vacation at an engineering university. I used to work repairing construction equipment.
One afternoon, I was taking apart a piling hammer that had some very large bolts holding it together. One of the nuts had corroded on to the bolt; to free it, I started heating the nut with an oxy-acetylene torch.
As I was doing this, one of the dimmest apprentices I have ever known came along. He asked me what I was doing. I patiently explained that if I heated the nut, it would grow larger and release its grip on the bolt so I could then remove it.
“So things get larger when they get hot, do they?” he asked.
Suddenly, an idea flashed into my mind (I know not from where.)
“Yes,” I said, “that’s why days are longer in summer and shorter in winter.”
There was a long pause, then his face cleared.
“You know, I always wondered about that,” he said.
A couple was dressed and ready to go out for the evening. They turned on a night light, turned the answering machine on the phone line, covered their pet parakeet and put the cat in the backyard.
They phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi. The taxi arrived and the couple opened the front door to leave their house. The cat they had put out into the yard scoots back into the house.
They don’t want the cat shut in the house because “she” always tries to eat the bird. The wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes inside to get the cat. The cat runs upstairs, the man in hot pursuit.
The wife doesn’t want the driver to know the house will be empty. She explains to the taxi driver that her husband will be out soon.” He’s just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother.”
A few minutes later, the husband gets into the cab. “Sorry I took so long,” he says, as they drive away.
“Stupid bitch was hiding under the bed. Had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! Then I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. But it worked. I hauled her fat ass downstairs and threw her out into the back yard!”
The cabdriver hit a parked car…
On the examination paper the Professor demanded that the students sign a form stating that they had not received any outside assistance.
Unsure of whether he should sign the form, a student stated that he had prayed for the assistance of God.
The Professor carefully studied his answer and told him, “You can sign it with a clear conscience. God did not assist you.”
And grammar texts … don’t forget the grammar texts!
A patient, while recovering in the hospital from a heart attack, met this over-zealous evangelist.
After listening politely for over a half-hour on how thankful he should be to have been spared, and how he should repent at once, he was asked if all of his sins had flashed before his eyes during the heart attack.
The patient responded, “Don’t be ridiculous, the attack lasted only 6 hours!”
EVER!!!!!
Wife: You got kicked out of the Hobby Lobby shop for dipping your testicles in the glitter?!
Husband: Pretty nuts, huh?
Nope! I’m going with Bear having the right of way in all instances. Maybe…MAYBE M-1 Abrams Tank gets the right of way over the bear … maybe.
Polar bears are nearly undetectable by infrared cameras because thermal cameras detect the heat lost by a subject as infrared, but polar bears are experts at conserving heat. So they don’t give off a heat signature.
Sing it with me!
A hyperbole is, without a doubt, the single most magnificent thing that has ever happened in the world ever.
That one I got.
What do you call it when a fortune cookie doesn’t have a fortune inside?
Unfortunate.
That’s if for this time. We started with 681 and we are ending with … 595. Some I moved, some I deleted, but most I shared.
So, until next time my friends, may God bless you with Love and Happiness until next we meet again.
Well, today is Saturday and I’m at work … at least I think it’s Saturday that you’re reading this, for me, it’s Tuesday and I’m in the middle of getting ready for the UTA weekend.
Plus, I think I’m trying to get sick. My arthritis is killing me, I’m cold and I’m just trying to find things to complain about.
My local teenager who does my shoveling has gone off to college and I’m not allowed to shovel snow and getting Izzy to do something like that … well … ain’t happening. There are no kids with shovels anymore looking to make money.
Anyway, enough of my complaining, let’s get on with the fun stuff.
We’re going to start this issue with a long line of something special from Steve. This is pretty cool. This is called:
Fast Food Origins:
1.A&W – Opened 1919 in Lodi, California
A&W began in June 1919, at 13 Pine Street in Lodi, California, when Roy W. Allen opened his first root beer stand. Two years later, Allen began franchising the drink, arguably the first successful food-franchising operation. His profits came from a small franchise fee and sales. The following year, Allen partnered with Frank Wright to help Wright with the root beer business he had started that year. They branded their product A&W Root Beer.
2. Arby’s – Opened 1964 in Youngstown, Ohio….(ARBY’S also, started as ROY ROGERS ROAST BEEF…in Van Nuys, Calif.)
3.Big Boy – Opened 1936 in Glendale, California
4.Burger King – Opened 1953 in Jacksonville, Florida
The predecessor to Burger King was founded in 1953 in Jacksonville, Florida, as Insta-Burger King. After visiting the McDonald brothers’ original store location in San Bernardino, California, the founders and owners (Keith J. Kramer and his wife’s uncle Matthew Burns), who had purchased the rights to two pieces of equipment called “Insta” machines, opened their first restaurants. Their production model was based on one of the machines they had acquired, an oven called the “Insta-Broiler”. This strategy proved so successful that they later required all of their franchises to use the device. After the company faltered in 1959, it was purchased by its Miami, Florida franchisees, James McLamore and David R. Edgerton. They initiated a corporate restructuring of the chain, first renaming the company Burger King. They ran the company as an independent entity for eight years (eventually expanding to over 250 locations in the United States), before selling it to the Pillsbury Company in 1967.
5.Church’s Chicken – Opened 1952 in San Antonio, TX
6.Dairy Queen – Opened 1940 in Joliet, Illinois
7.Del Taco – Opened 1964 in Yermo, California
8.Dominos – Opened 1960 in Ypsilanti, Michigan
I worked for Dominos in New Mexico. One of my MANY part-time jobs while working for the Air Force. First learned how to hand-toss pizza here. And yes, you Dominos people can tell me that Dominos does not really “hand-toss” their dough…we did, we weren’t supposed to, but we did.
9.Dunkin’ Donuts – Opened 1950 in Quincy, Massachusetts
10.Hardee’s – Opened 1960 in Rocky Mount, North Carolina
11.In-N-Out Burger – Opened 1948 in Baldwin Park, California
12.Jack in the Box – Opened 1951 in San Diego, California
13.Kentucky Fried Chicken – Opened 1930 in North Corbin, Kentucky
Before it was called KFC, Harland Sanders, began selling fried chicken from his roadside restaurant in Corbin, Kentucky, called Sanders Court & Café. The first “Kentucky Fried Chicken” franchise opened in Utah in 1952.
Some historians and secondary school textbooks concur that A&W, which opened in 1919 and began franchising in 1921, was the first fast food restaurant (E. Tavares). Thus, the American company White Castle is generally credited with opening the second fast-food outlet in Wichita, Kansas in 1921, selling hamburgers for five cents apiece from its inception and spawning numerous competitors and emulators. What is certain, however, is that White Castle made the first significant effort to standardize the food production in, looks, and the operation of fast-food hamburger restaurants.
14.Little Caesar’s – Opened 1959 in Garden City, Michigan
I have a lot of history with Little Caesar’s. It’s where Mary and I met, I’ll tell you the story sometime. But, speaking of history, there is a dirty dark secret between Little Caesars and Dominos in their dark past! At least, that’s the rumors that were going around when I worked for them a million years ago. They used to be a good company to work for…sort of. I never tried to investigate the history between the two companies, mostly because I didn’t really think of it until this list came out, maybe one of you folks who do the digging for fun can investigate and see what you can come up with. I’d be interested to see if what I heard was true.
15.McDonald’s – Opened 1937 in Monrovia, California
The McDonald family moved from Manchester, New Hampshire to Hollywood in the late 1930s, where brothers Richard and Maurice McDonald began working as set movers and handymen at Motion-Picture studios. In 1937, their father Patrick McDonald opened “The Airdrome”, a food stand, on Huntington Drive (Route 66) near the Monrovia Airport in Monrovia, California with hot dogs being one of the first items sold. Then Hamburgers came along and were ten cents with an all-you-can-drink orange juice at five cents. In 1940, Maurice and Richard (“Mac” and “Dick”) moved the entire building 40 miles (64 km) east, to West 14th and 1398 North E Streets in San Bernardino, California. The restaurant was renamed “McDonald’s Bar-B-Que” and had twenty-five menu items, mostly barbecue.
18.Subway – Opened 1965 in Bridgeport, Connecticut
19.Taco Bell – Opened 1962 in Downey, California
20.Taco Cabana – Opened 1978 in San Antonio, Texas
21.Wendy’s – Opened 1969 in Columbus, Ohio
My personal favorite fast feeder. Baconator and Breakfast Baconator!
22.Whataburger – Opened 1950 in Corpus Christi, Texas
And finally… 23.White Castle – Opened 1921 in Wichita, Kansas
William Ingram’s and Walter Anderson’s White Castle System created the first fast food supply chain to provide meat, buns, paper goods, and other supplies to their restaurants, pioneered the concept of the multistate hamburger restaurant chain, standardized the look and construction of the restaurants themselves, and even developed a construction division that manufactured and built the chain’s prefabricated restaurant buildings. The McDonalds’ Speedee Service System and, much later, Ray Kroc’s McDonald’s outlets and Hamburger University all built on the principles, systems, and practices that White Castle had already established between 1923 and 1932
A couple of observations…out of 23 restaurant chains … okay, fast food chains … only 12 states are represented: California – 7 times or 30% Texas – 3 times or 13% Kansas – 2 times or 9% Ohio – 2 times or 9% Michigan – 2 times or 9% and 1 times each or 4% for: Connecticut Oklahoma Kentucky North Carolina Massachusetts Illinois and Florida (For a surprising total of 102% [?]) California, in its heyday did some amazing things, nowadays, you couldn’t pay me to live there. Wait! What am I saying? They are paying people to live there. Still, … not this dragon. Anyway, thank you, Steve. It was a pretty cool send! Now, let’s get back top to the other stuff!
Really like that one!
After watching these people driving around in a couple of inches of snow these past couple of days and the pure insanity … yeah … car into a submarine, no problem.
This one is from Joe … and … I have no words …
Before Mt. Everest was discovered, what was the
world’s tallest mountain?
And another classic from Joe…
Got banned from caroling at the local psych hospital last night.
Turns out singing Do You Hear What I Hear was not the smartest pick.
Do I have to say it?
Yeah, I don’t think I get that one, either… Stumpet on a crumpet?
Sometimes I read a text and think, wow what a psycho…
Then I press send.
Awwwww!
Why does this not surprise me at all…
Don’t believe everything you read in a public toilet.
Sharon is not up for a good time.
What an awkward phone call that was…
If a “she shed” is also a “bitch barn” does that make a “man cave” an “ass hole”?
Asking for a friend?
S
Someone just honked to get me out of my parking spot faster, so now I have to sit here until both of us are dead.
And THERE it is!!!
Say what you will about women, but I think being able to turn one sentence into a six-hour argument takes talent.
Husband Hack: Next time you’re in a fight with your wife, start undressing. She will instantly have a headache and fall asleep.
And with that weirdness we come to the end of another episode in everyone’s favorite ezine.
Thank you for tuning in and I hope to have one done for Monday. We’ll see.
My love to you all and may our dear Father in Heaven bless you with Peace and Happiness until we meet again.
As of right now, I still have 863 Christmas cartoons, pictures and memes to use. I’m never gonna use them all up…LOL!
But, we’re gonna give it the ole dragon try!
We got smacked with our first significant snow of the season yesterday. They cancelled church this morning. Izzy didn’t think she was going to have to go to work.
I got her there.
She was mad.
It was only about 4 inches of snow. The roads were fairly clear, but even so, there were a couple of cars in the ditch from overnight. There always are, right?
Anyway, let’s get to some laffs and even more Christmas stuff.
I laughed so hard!!!!
I have SO MANY questions.
That is the absolute truth my friends. As someone who usually has a really crappy time this time of year, please be nice to people!
What does a turkey ringtone sound like? Wing, wing, wing.
Why was the turkey in the band? Because he had the drumsticks.
Why do they say turkeys have bad table manners? Because they can’t stop gobbling.
What do you call a running turkey? Fast food.
The real message in The Wizard of Oz is if you see nice shoes on a dead body just go for it.
Really good point!
If the English language made any sense, lackadaisical would have something to do with a shortage of flowers.
I want THAT for Christmas! It is SO my job!!!
A credit card has three dimensions: Length Width and Debt
Got a comment submitted by our dear friend Sammye, that I’m going to pass on to Aussie Pete:
Hey Dragon — I’m a little skeptical about those spiders in Australia….however, I can say that the bats sleeping in trees in Cairns were scary enough — even in broad daylight. Listening to them flying around at night isn’t so soothing either.
Sammye, I know nothing about either the spiders in Australia, nor the bats in Cairns, so how about it Campers?
Dare I say, we need more of this!
The wise man never says everything he thinks, but he always thinks everything he says.
Did you know you have the right to remain silent even when you’re not being arrested?
Just like standing in a garage doesn’t make you a car.
7-year-old: You got a letter! Me: It’s a bill. I owe money. 7-year-old: Not if you throw it away. She’s my financial planner now.
YES I KNOW! Do you have any idea how often I get contacted by Santa this time of year?!?! STOP ASKING!!!
The biggest difference between a man and woman is the meaning of: “What an ass.”
Well, I started with 863 Christmas items in my folder and now I have 739, so that means I used 124 in this issue. So, at this rate I should make it…actually, at this rate, I should slow down. LOL.
But, I expect you guys will start sending me some real soon, too. But until next time…
So, it’s now December, Christmas season. And I’m going to start putting Christmas stuff in these issues. I will probably still have too much. What a terrible problem to have.
Today is Thanksgiving and Izzy and I are watching Avatar and Avatar 2 (I forget the name of the second one) and we will be having our traditional Thanksgiving dinner of schnitzel and rice. (It’s a long story, one I don’t really want to go into right now because I’m having a really tough day right now)
So, what do you say, we just jump right into the fun stuff, shall we?
It IS fun!
The old man had died. A wonderful funeral was in progress and the country preacher talked at length of the good traits of the deceased, what an honest man he was, and what a loving husband and kind father he was.
Finally, the widow leaned over and whispered to one of her children, “Go up there and take a look in the coffin and see if that’s your pa.”
A hillbilly was on trial for making moonshine whiskey.
A young neighbour of his was being grilled by the prosecutor.
“Did you ever get any whiskey from him?” asked the prosecutor.
“No, sir!”, said the neighbor.
“Did you ever get any from his wife?”‘ he asked.
“No, sir,” said the neighbor.
“Did you ever get any from his daughter?” asked the prosecutor.
The young neighbor thought a minute and said “Your Honor, are we STILL talking about whiskey?”
I heard that you should always look into a mirror before making a big decision.
It helps you reflect.
Three kings that came from a fire.
Why does my wife always wait until I’m at the opposite end of the house before asking me to”Merm frner mernferr brnerfer!”?
Left over from Thanksgiving, funniest turkey videos…
I remember making candy cane shanks.
Parents today: Text me when you get there, text me the names of the kids who are there, text me when you’re coming home.
Parents in the 80’s: Bye
I am 100% positive that this is Aussie Pete’s response to my shopping cart rant. The odd part MAY be that he may have sent this before my rant appeared in print.
I have so many questions.
“How to Remove Leaves From Your Lawn”
By Ray King
9 out of 10 zoo dentists refuse to work on grizzly bears unless they have been given a strong anesthetic.
There’s safety in numb bears.
I REALLY want to go there!
You know those orange cones they set up on the highways for you to knock down? Well, I just beat my high score!
Girlfriend: How am I gonna tell my dad I’m pregnant? Me: Leave that to me. [Later at dinner] Her Dad: [Coughs] I need water. Me: Oh no! Grandpa needs water!
Dragon Laffs 