Well, as you can see my Halloween issue just posted all on it’s own. Just another great example of how my month has been going. 

My apologies, enjoy it anyway…if a little early and I’ll work something else out for next week.

LOL!

Cheers my friends.

Impish

I’ve been alternating orange and black for Halloween but I want to write this in blue so you know this is from my heart. 

Izzy and I were at the hospital today for a routine lab test and I had a little bit of a medical issue with her. I don’t want to go into what it was because she’s an adult now and it’s not my place to say, but suffice to say that she is fine, but it was scary. Now, I will say that even though I’m dad, and she’s my little girl, even at 23, she’s still my little girl, I didn’t freak out because I just don’t do that. It’s one of the things that made me such a good 911 dispatcher. 

But, what I did find is that I wanted to pick up my phone and call Mary, her mom, and tell her what was going on … let her know what had happened … I even reached for my phone for one quick second.

Then I remembered.

And I not only realized how hard it was for me to do this alone, but for Izzy to do this alone and I got a little angry. I’ve been struggling a little with anger and depression these last couple of weeks mostly because of the furlough and the approaching holidays and wondering if I’m gonna be able to do Christmas for Izzy and such, but this anger was a little different. I was mad because I was alone.

But I’m not alone. Because God and Jesus are walking beside me at all times. The Holy Spirit resides within me. That’s where my calm spirit comes from in times of trouble. 

When I got home and got her settled down, (she’s currently taking a nap) I opened my email and got this outstanding little essay from brother Pete. It goes like this:

So she played with her children, and gathered flowers for them along the way, and bathed them in the clear streams; and the sun shone on them, and the young Mother cried, “Nothing will ever be lovelier than this.”

Not even death.  

Izzy still has her mom, deep in her heart. In the things that she taught her, the examples that she set, the love that she feels and that I still show.

I learned a really big lesson today, a couple of them in fact, and I guess I just wanted to share them with you, my family. For now, I’m gonna close out this opening and move on to the real Halloween episode and hopefully put a smile on your faces…so … 

So, I guess according to this I’m ALMOST an old fart.

There’s nothing wrong with being single.

So what if 7.5 billion people don’t want to be with you.

Does this make any sense to ANYONE?!?! Why in the world, does China own ANY farmland in our country? Do we own any farmland in China?

Okay, so that’s dark!

I just replaced the air freshener can with an air horn in the church bathroom…

…now we wait!!

Me: How many loads of laundry can this hold?

Salesperson: Ma’am, this is a dining room table.

Me: And?

Welcome to adulthood…

You get mad when they rearrange the grocery store now.

I don’t understand how a cemetery can raise its funeral prices and blame it on the costs of living.

When a woman asks you to guess her age, it’s like deciding whether to cut the blue, red, or green wire to diffuse a bomb.

I’m so sick and tired of my friends who can’t handle their alcohol. Last night they dropped me three times while carrying me to the car.

It’s perfectly okay to talk to yourself and it’s perfectly okay to answer yourself. But it’s totally sad that you have to repeat what you said because you weren’t listening.

I’m giving up drinking until Christmas.

Sorry, bad punctuation…

I’m giving up. Drinking until Christmas.

Okay, finishing up the last of the Halloween pics now…

I’ve just renamed my Wi-Fi network to “Police Surveillance Van #02”. That should keep the neighbors on their toes for a while.

And that is IT my friends.  

Wow!  What an issue!  I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did.

So, until we meet again, may God Bless you with Love and Happiness.

So, just got back from the doctor.

No, really, I’m fine. It was a regularly scheduled appointment. My blood pressure was fine, pulse ox was fine, everything was good. Healthy as a horse. 

Now, if I can just get back to work, all will be right with the world.

That, and if we can get everyone to stop shooting each other. There have been SO MANY active shooters come across my special alerts lately that it is CRAZY! So much crazy stuff going on in our country. I normally see a bunch more than you guys see, but lately it’s been way worse.

I don’t want to dwell on bad things. I need some laughter in my life, so …

Let’s do a couple of tributes and a couple of catch up items first…

On a U.S. cruiser the officer of the deck asked the starboard lookout, “What would you do if a sailor was washed overboard?”

“I’d yell ‘Man overboard,’ ” answered the lookout snappily.

“Good,” said the officer. “Now what would you do if an officer fell overboard?” 

The lookout asked, “Which one, sir?”

List of longest prison sentences

What an interesting website. Click HERE to check this one out. I spent a lot of time here checking this one out.

I LIKE TO MAKE LISTS. I ALSO LIKE TO LEAVE THEM LAYING ONTHE KITCHEN COUNTER AND THEN GUESS WHAT S ON THE LIST WHILE AT THE STORE.

FUN GAME.

I live in a strange little town. This came over the police dispatch at 530 this morning:

William and Wayne (the street names) check the area for a 40-year-old, male, white wearing Robin Hood clothing type style, long hair, walking in the area with a sword on his back, not making threats towards anyone, laughing walking towards Wayne Street on William.

I REALLY want to know how this one works out. I’m gonna have to check with my dispatch friends to find out.

 

This one was lots of fun! Just for the record, I got 37 out of the 55. So, it’s pretty hard!

 

Photos Where Life Picked A Winner And A Loser

Ridiculous Parking Jobs That Cooked Our Noodle

15 Photos Where There Is No Evidence Of Intelligent Life

And that’s it. Still not working, still waiting for the politicians to pull their heads out. Until next time, may our dear Lord bless you with with peace and happiness until we meet again.

Day 13 of my captivity. Today, the hostages were released by Hamas. Although, at this point in time, they only came up with 4 of the 20 bodies of the dead captives. They released less than 30 and they get 2,000 in return. Now, let’s see if they disarm like they are supposed to. I’d say it’s highly doubtful.

Then, they have to go through and destroy hundreds of miles of tunnels and underground cities. More doubt on my side.

We’ll see.

I am still just a week ahead. You guys should get this on Monday, the 20th. Two days ago, on Saturday, or on my timeline, this coming Saturday, Izzy and I are supposed to go to the Ark Encounter in Williamstown, KY

Really excited about it. Although, right now, Izzy isn’t feeling well, I hope she is feeling better by the time we leave…especially since it’s a 3 1/2 hour drive there and another 3 1/2 drive back. We are leaving at 6 am and aren’t supposed to be back until 10 pm. 

So, looking forward to THAT! In the meantime, let’s move on to the fun stuff.

 

One of my favorite pictures. The attitude of the horses is perfect.

 

I did not know this! What a great history behind this!

 

Watch your thoughts, they become your words.

Watch your words, they become your actions.

Watch your actions, they become your habits.

Watch your habits, they become your character.

– Lao Tzu (571BC – ?)

This is such a PERFECT picture!

 

Did you hear about the angler who baited his hook with peanut butter?
All he would catch was jellyfish!

That’s me to a T!

 

Rick, fresh out of accounting school, went to a interview for a good paying job. The company boss asked various questions about him and his  education, but then asked him, “What is three times seven?”

“22,” Rick replied.

After he left, he double-checked it on his calculator and realized he wouldn’t get the job.

About two weeks later, he got a letter that said he was hired for the job. He was not one to look a gift horse in the mouth but was still very curious.

The next day, he went in and asked why he got the job, even though he got such a simple question wrong. The boss shrugged and said, “Well, you were the closest.”

He also asked God to forgive His murders, gave salvation to the thief on the cross, and suffered for all our sins.

“We cannot direct the wind, but we can adjust the sails.”
– Dolly Parton

My wife shot me with the nail gun today…
She must think I’m a stud!

So a HUGE statement! Let’s pray the government back open again so that so many Americans are no longer hurt by so many politicians!

 

If drinking energy drinks causes short term memory loss, just imagine what drinking energy drinks would do.

After playing guitar for years I thought I could learn the piano, but it’s not an easy instrument to pick up.

A woman on a bus asked me, “Do you have any pets?”
I said, “Yes, a goldfish”.
She said, “Any hobbies?”
I said, He likes swimming!”.

I just inherited a dairy farm, which is not what I wanted, but I’m going to milk it for everything I can get.

I said to my wife this morning, “Why do we always argue about everything?”
– she replied, “Well, if I agreed with you, then we’d both be wrong”.

Someone stole all my lamps, and you’d think I’d be upset, but actually I’m delighted.

2 people are in Hospital after eating Lasagna containing 100% Horse Meat. They are said to be in a stable condition.

 I’ve started burying cash in the bush next to my house. It’s my hedge fund. 

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

I went into a shoe shop this morning and asked to see a pair of loafers. The salesperson brought down the general manager and the chief accountant.

My friend Jack says he can communicate with vegetables. Jack and the beans talk!

Ya gotta hand it to short people.

Remember, half the people you know are below average.

So I went to a really trendy nightclub last night. The doorman said to me: “Sorry mate, I can’t let you in, you’ve had too many!”
I said: “What, drinks?”
He said: “No, birthdays”.

The Silliest Inventions To Ever Receive A Patent

That sign bothers me in more than a few ways.

 

How to get rid of telemarketers

– Tell the telemarketer you are on “home incarceration” and ask if they could bring you some beer.
– Ask them to fax the information to you, and make up a number.
– Tell the telemarketer, “Okay, I will listen to you. But I should probably tell you, I’m not wearing any clothes.”
– Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke. “Come on Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how’s your momma?”
– Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up…louder… louder… LOUDER…
– Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.
– If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.

Like what’s going on RIGHT NOW!

 

Finland has closed its border.
Now no one can cross the Finnish line.

Sigh…me either…me either.

 

Three Spies are captured in London. One is German, one is French, and the other is Italian. 

First, they interrogate the German spy and after 3 hours of torture he talks and is thrown back into the cell with the others. 

Then the French spy is interrogated, and after about 8 hours of torture they get him to talk and throw him back with the others. 

Last, they interrogate the Italian spy and after 20 hours of torture and failing to make him say a word they give up for the day and throw him back with the others.

When he is back in the cell with the other spies asked him,  “how did you last that long without saying a word”?

Then the Italian man says, “I was trying to speak but they had my hands strapped down and I wasn’t able to move them”.

And again we come to the end of another issue my friends. I hope you enjoyed this as much as I did. Until next time…

Day 11 of the Government shutdown for me, if it’s still going on for you as you’re reading this it will be day 18. I’m really getting tired of this crap. The government needs to get their heads out of their butts. This should prove to every one of us that every one of those people need to go.

Financially, if I’m still not at work by the time you read this, I’m going to be headed into tough territory.  These people need to realize they are messing with people in a bad way. If it goes on too much longer … well … God has always taken care of me and I know He always will. I put my faith in my Lord.

All signs point to His return. Regardless of anything else, we know we are one day closer today then we were yesterday. Accept Jesus as your Savior so that your eternity is ensured. This life on earth is so miniscule compared to eternity. 

I recently had to answer a letter for my ex-wife. I won’t go into the details of that, but the individual I wrote to was what I would call an impastor and I felt led to do a little preaching to him about his false religion and all the things that his religion requires to be saved in their point of view. It is one that I have some experience in, having been a member of for a few years, many years ago. So I led him down Roman’s Road. For those of you unfamiliar with that, it is a simple way to show a new or potential new believer in how Salvation works. We use it a lot in our jail ministry and it goes like this:

Romans 3:23: For all have sinned and, and come short of the glory of God:
Romans 3:10: As it is written, There is none righteous, no, not one:
Romans 5:12: Wherefore, as by one man sin entered into the world, and death by sin; and so death passed upon all men, for that all have sinned:
Romans 5:8: But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us
Romans 10:9-10: That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved. For with the heart man believeth unto righteousness; and with the mouth confession made unto salvation.
Romans 10:13: For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.

I REAAAALLLLYYYYY don’t think he’s going to be happy with my reply. 

Well…he started it.

Anyway, that’s my ministering for today. Now…

My son came up to me and said, “Dad, I just watched someone do fifty pushups. Do you think you could do that?”
I said, “Absolutely. Not to brag son, but I could probably watch someone do a hundred pushups!”

I think the whole “Autumn-is-in-the-air” theme has gone too far.
Today I went to Jiffy Lube, and they offered me a “Cinnamon Spice” oil change.

Aww, heck, that could be anybody! Here’s proof that I’m a dragon!

One day teacher asked Sam if his father helped him with his homework.
Sam simply said – “No, he did it all by himself”!

I have that problem…a lot.

 

You’ll learn more about a road by travelling it than by consulting all the maps in the world…

Ray Kroc (1902-1984)

That is EXACTLY the look!

 

A mechanic who worked out of his home had a dog named Mace. Mace had a bad habit of eating all the grass on the mechanic’s lawn, so the mechanic had to keep Mace inside. The grass eventually became overgrown.
 
One day the mechanic was working on a car in the backyard and dropped his wrench, losing it in the tall grass. He couldn’t find it for the life of him, so he decided to call it a day.
 
That night, Mace escaped from the house and ate all the grass in the backyard. The next morning the mechanic went outside and saw his wrench glinting in the sunlight. Realizing what had happened he looked toward the heavens and proclaimed,
 
“A grazing Mace, how sweet the hound, that saved a wrench for me!

Yeah, it’s an old one…but it’s still pretty good.

Investigators at a major U.S. research university recently discovered the heaviest element known to science. The element, tentatively named Administratium, has no protons or electrons and thus has an atomic number of 0.
 
However, it does have 1 neutron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75 vice neutrons, and 111 assistant vice neutrons. This gives it an atomic mass of 312.
 
These 312 particles are held together by a force that involves the continuous exchange of meson-like particles called morons. It is also surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.
 
Since it has no electrons, Administratium is inert. However, it can be detected chemically as it impedes every reaction it comes in contact with. According to the discoverers, a minute amount of Administratium causes one reaction to take over four days to complete when it would have normally occurred in less than one second.
 
Administratium has a normal half-life of approximately three years, at which time it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which assistant neutrons, vice neutrons, and assistant vice neutrons exchange places.
 
In fact, an Administratium sample’s mass actually INCREASES over time, since with each reorganization some of the morons inevitably become neutrons, forming new isotopes.
 
This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to speculate that perhaps Administratium is spontaneously formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as “critical morass.”

 

 

That is the absolute TRUTH!!!

Adorable!

 

Not sure if this will work or not, this is from our buddy Wouter in South Africa.

Is your town haunted?
This is pretty neat. JUST CLICK ON YOUR STATE!!!
 
Alabama         Louisiana            Ohio   
Alaska          Maine                 Oklahoma    
Arizona        Maryland             Oregon   
Arkansas   &nbs p;  Massachusetts    Pennsylvania    
California     Michiga n             Rhode Island    
Colorado      Minnesota          South Carolina   
Connecticut   Mississippi          South Dakota </ STRONG>
Delaware     Missouri             Tennessee   
Florida         Montana            Texas   
Georgia      Nebraska            Utah  
Hawaii        Nevada                Vermont   
Idaho         New Hampshire< U>    Virginia    
Illinois        New Jersey          Washington   
Indiana      New Mexico         West Virginia   
Iowa         New York             Wisconsin   
Kansas      North Carolina      Wyoming   
Kentucky   North Dakota        District of Columbia

 

A new arrival, about to enter a hospital, saw two white coated doctors searching through the flower beds. “Excuse me,” he said, “Have you lost something?”
 
“No,” replied one of the doctors. “We’re doing a heart transplant for an income tax inspector and want to find a suitable stone.

That’s it my friends. The end of another episode. Please pray for our country, pray that our politicians do the right thing, the responsible thing.  Our country is falling apart at the seams and they don’t even see it. Or they want it.

Woman, 43, suspected of murdering two children…
At least 4 killed, 20 hurt in South Carolina bar…
Young boy arrested in connection with Alabama shooting…
4 killed, at least 20 hurt at homecoming football…

That’s just over night and that’s just from the news. I get special “Flash” messages on my work email (that yes, I’m still checking while I’m on furlough) that I can’t even tell you about until they hit the mainstream stuff. Unexplained helicopter crash that I’m sure by the time you read this will be explained….

People trying to stop ICE from doing their job in Chicago and Portland, they need help, the Police told to stand down and NOT respond. The President sends in the National Guard to straighten things out and the Governors stop it! Because the Governors are more concerned with the rights of illegal aliens then with American citizens.

This world is coming apart at the seams…not even at the seams, it’s being ripped down the middle. 

Pray, my friends.